Stuck | Pastor Chris Kouba

And it is so good to see you.

If you are uh still trying to make your way in, just keep doing it.

We'll get you uh where you need to be.

And again, just kind of help us out.

We continually are having uh capacity crowds move into the middle and help us a bunch as we continue to move forward from here.

Let me just stop real quick before uh I get going and just say thank you, church.

Thank you so much for the last five years, for the way that you have loved our family, for the way that you have allowed us to love you.

Uh I've said this before.

I'd come to United City City even if it didn't pay me to come to United City.

Like literally.

Like we we love this church.

We love what it has meant for uh just our own personal family, our own personal lives.

So the way that our kids, man, didn't they look cute five years ago, by the way?

They just have grown up so much.

Just is incredible to see just the growth physically, but also just to be able to see uh how God has allowed so many of you to pour into our family and to invest in our kids.

And we are just forever, forever grateful for the last five years.

I truly do believe this at the core of my being, though.

The best is yet to come.

I really do believe that.

I believe God's doing some amazing things in the life of our church.

I just want to have a chance to celebrate because one of the things I think I've learned over the last five years is that I don't just want to assume the blessings of God as though they're just always normal.

I instead want to want to stop and just give them praise.

I want to just stop and say thank you.

And we have a lot to be thankful for for last week.

Last week was literally a historic day in the life of our church.

We had 4,000 people in attendance, the most we've ever had at United City ever in the history of our church, which is just incredible.

We had 479 people, so many of you that helped serve on serve teams, helping uh facilitate all the things that take place a part of an Easter weekend.

Thank you so much for that.

We had 101 registered first-time guests.

We know we had many more than that, but that was 101 who actually went and got a free t-shirt uh and registered and gave us their information, uh, which was a big, big, huge deal.

Here's the thing though, uh, we had hundreds, literally hundreds of people indicate next steps, want to join a group, want to go uh join the church, or or want to be able to serve, join a serve team, and we're following up with all of those.

But here's the thing that I think we want to celebrate the most, no question about it.

The reason why we do what we do, you've heard me say it for five years, we exist for those who are not yet here.

We exist for those who don't yet know about Jesus.

We're not just a holy huddle that just kind of gathers and we celebrate the fact that we know Jesus and we're all gonna make sure that we stay away from all the bad people out there.

We instead exist for people who are far from him.

And last week, 304 people indicated on the card that checked the book checked B saying they wanted to begin a relationship with Jesus church.

Let's celebrate that in big time.

How about that?

We're following up with every single one of those.

If that is one of you last week, know how grateful that we are that you are here.

I want to talk to you about baptism.

We want to make sure that you have an opportunity to follow and take your next step of obedience, the testimony of baptism.

You can get in a group.

We've got some new believer groups that we've also started, want to connect you with.

We just are excited to see how God is gonna allow Easter weekend to be a monumental, life-changing, generational thing that takes place in your family.

Because that's what we believe.

We just prayed in saying scripture that God's gonna bless you because of your relationship with Him to the multiple generations after you, all just simply because He saved you and took you and gave you that living hope.

Grab your Bibles, open them up to Matthew 19, Matthew chapter 19.

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

I want to take this opportunity to welcome all of the men and women at our correctional facilities, those on the Pando app, those online.

Let's give them a hand and celebrate all of these that are joining with us.

We've got a team right now that is at a Jubilee weekend at a local prison, and they are there uh working with uh many of the inmates that are there.

We do these Jubilee weekends multiple times.

Many folks from United City help uh be a part of that.

They're helping show them how they can connect with United City on the Pando app.

And some of you are like, does anybody even actually watch that kind of stuff?

I get letters from prisoners all the time.

I get folks who write notes and tell me about messages that they heard on the Pando app as a part of our services.

It's just an incredible thing to think how God's done some pretty amazing things.

And so we just want to make sure that we can celebrate that.

And of course, all of that's from our vision team.

Let me ask you this question: have you ever had a situation where you've gone from really high, high to a really low, low?

Really high, high to really low, low.

I was gifted really good seats, four of them, to the Astros game on Monday, and I was super excited about that.

They just come off getting swept by the Yankees.

The bullpen is still just terrible.

We got to get this thing figured out pretty quick here.

But I was excited about going to the game because I was taking two of my boys with me.

I got two boys, and I was also meeting my dad at the game.

So, what's better than just three generations taking in America's pastime?

I was second row in the Crawford boxes, so I had really, really good seats and really excited about being able to go and take in the game.

I look up to see who the starting pitchers were.

I know that we've got some injuries, and so I wasn't sure if I was gonna know.

And sure enough is a guy named Ronel Blanco.

Ronel Blanco.

I I've heard of Ronel Blanco.

He's done a few spot starts here and there, but he's definitely not somebody that the Astros went into the season thinking is gonna be somebody that we're gonna lean on a lot for us to be able to have a good uh good season.

And so we go to the game, where they are, we're watching it, and it was an awesome game.

Astros got out early, they began to hit, they had five home runs total, had four uh home runs really early in the game.

Uh, in fact, two of the home runs were actually in the Crawford box, the section one over for me.

There's a scene my sister sent me of me doing one of these, trying to catch the ball right, and it's right over there.

I mean, it was just an awesome thing to be able just to see the strodes kind of winning.

And so we're just kind of watching the game.

But at the seventh inning, I look and I'm trying to think of what how many pitches does Ronel Blanco have?

And I look over there and I'm like, Dad, dad, look, look.

There's no hits.

And so, of course, at that point, you can't talk about it anymore.

You can't say anything about it, right?

I'm trying to tell my boys what's happening without telling my boys what's happening, because you know, you're you're not supposed to be superstitious, but man, you know, you're not supposed to talk about a no-hitter.

That's the easiest way to break up a no-hitter.

It's 10-0 at this point when I finally realized it, but no one is leaving.

You can kind of hear it in the air.

Something special is going on tonight.

Fast forward, you go to the ninth inning, and it feels not like the fifth game of a season where we haven't won a game so far.

It instead feels like it is a World Series clinching game with the amount of cheering and activity and excitement that is taking place because Rennell Blanco has the opportunity to throw a no-hitter.

Sure enough, he goes and he throws that last battery, throws that pitch, it ground out to uh DuBon at second base.

He picks up the ball, throws it to first, and everybody starts cheering and going crazy.

Renel Blanco just threw a no-hitter for the first win of the Astros season.

It was awesome.

I'm hugging people all around me that I've never met before.

I mean, it's just you know, I'm I'm and it was such a cool moment.

I've been to hundreds of baseball games in my life.

I've never seen a no-hitter before.

And not only did I get to see a no-hitter that day, I got to see a no-hitter with my boys, and I got to see a no-hitter with my dad.

I mean, it was just, it was just a perfect moment.

I was a high, such a high that I didn't get a picture of all of us, and my wife's still upset about that.

But but I was at a high, right?

I mean, I was loving my life.

And I immediately left from that moment, walked out, tried to beat the crowd out so we could get home, and I go to the parking garage where I parked my car.

I go up to the eighth floor where I know my car was, I go around the corner, it was right by a red truck.

I go around the red truck, my car's not there.

It's gone.

Had about a 20-minute stretch where I thought, my car was stolen.

Like, what am I what am I gonna do?

And so then I I kind of I mean, you're you're just it's such a disorienting feeling.

And so we go downstairs and there was a security guard, and I'm like, is it possible that my car was stolen?

Did you see anything suspicious?

They're like, oh, it's probably towed.

You need to call this number.

So I call the number, sure enough, not anywhere close to where I was in that moment.

My car was at an auto storage.

It had been towed, and it was gonna cost me$304 once I figured out how to get over there to it in order to get my car out of that storage.

At this point, I went from all of the high and the euphoria of the moment, I am furious mad.

Furious mad.

And I start asking the guy, I'm like, explain to me why my car was towed.

And they said, Well, did you park in the right spot?

I'm like, What's the right spot?

Eighth floor.

Yes, I parked on the eighth floor.

You're gonna have to take that up with the towing company.

So I call the towing company back and I start going into this whole spiel about why did you tow my car?

My car was in the right spot.

Do you have proof that you that I parked in the wrong spot, which allowed you to tow my car?

And they say, Well, sir, we actually do take pictures of every car that we tow, and we'll be happy to let you know how you can get those.

Are you ready?

Let me know when you're ready.

I'm like, I'm ready.

And they said, based upon the Freedom of Information Act, you can get those pictures.

You just need to email info at freedomact.org or something crazy like that.

Which meant this.

It didn't make any difference.

I to this day think I was in the right.

All right?

My car was parked where it was supposed to be parked.

My car was not illegally parked in any way.

However, in that moment, despite the fact that then and now I feel like I was in the right, I was stuck.

There's nothing I could do.

I just had to basically go.

Instead of being a quick night coming off of a no-hitter, coming off a nostalgic moment with my boys and my dad, coming off the fact that the Astros finally won a game.

I wasn't thinking about any of those things.

Oh, I was thinking about.

So angry and mad I was that I just had to pay$304 to park my car and have to go across town and go and get it, tow it out, and take it home.

This morning we're beginning a brand new sermon series called Wedlocked, and we're looking at the incredible gift that is marriage.

But my experience is for a lot of people it's like you have the high of highs where your family all gets together and your friends all get together, and you have this wedding ceremony, and people take the pictures of it, and you go back and you watch the video, and you go back and you look at the pictures, and it's really a moment that you want to never forget, capturing in time, only for some five minutes, for some five months, for some five years, for some 15 years later, you feel stuck.

You've gone from the high of highs to what feels like a constant low and you can't get out of it.

The goal of this series is to help you unlock your marriage.

The goal of this series is to give you practical advice and tips on how you can not just exist married, but how you can thrive married.

We don't want it to feel like there is a lock on your marriage that you can't get out of.

We instead want you to feel like God designed this thing and orchestrated this thing and has let this thing be something that you can thrive and be a picture and a model to the world of Christ's relationship with his church.

We're gonna begin reading today in Matthew chapter 19.

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

And what I want us to do is I want us to begin to see how this gives you some foundation stuff.

Let me walk you through where we're gonna be headed.

Next week we're gonna look at roles.

Hillary and I are actually gonna teach and talk through a little bit about what it means to play your role in your relationship.

Because sometimes one of the reasons that you're stuck is because the guy's not doing what he's supposed to be doing and the girl's not doing what they're supposed to be doing.

And God's given very clear instructions, not only in the design of this thing, but how it's supposed to function.

We're gonna talk about communication and conflict, and we're gonna encourage you to use conflict not as something that tears you down, but instead as something you work through to have a better marriage.

We're gonna talk about sex in three weeks.

I want to have a PG-13 message, not because I'm gonna say anything crazy or scandalous.

I just want the freedom to talk fully openly about it.

So I want to give you a heads up.

We're gonna talk about sex and see how sex is supposed to be a gift that God has given to us instead of being something that is a roadblock for so many couples.

And then I want you to make sure to get your phones out and take a look at this.

May 4th, Saturday night.

We're gonna be having a marriage night here at United City with Michael Jr.

If you don't know who Michael Jr.

is, go look him up.

He's an absolutely hysterical, clean comedian.

He is very funny.

Uh, Hillary and I went to this same event a little while back, and it was awesome.

It's a great way of not only investment in your relationship, but it is also an opportunity for you to do it while having a good time.

If you use the code LAF, it actually gives you a discount as a United City uh member or United City attendee, so make sure you use that.

Sign up for your tickets on May 4th, purchase those and be here for that.

And then Michael Jr.

is going to stay over and preach with us on uh May 5th that following Sunday.

This morning I want to give some foundation.

Let's go to Matthew chapter 19, beginning in verse 1.

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

It says, Now, when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.

And large crowds followed him and he healed them there.

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?

He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female?

And said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

So they are no longer two but one flesh.

What therefore God is joined together, let not man separate.

To make marriage better, you have to know what marriage is.

To make marriage better, you have to know what marriage is.

If you're a student of your Bible, you may be wondering why in the world that I chose a passage about divorce to be a launch passage for our marriage series.

And I would tell you the reason is because it's not actually about divorce.

Divorce is the way they're trying to test Jesus.

And every single time Jesus is asked about the sanctity of marriage, people are coming to him looking for the technicalities as to how to get out.

And Jesus never tells them, here's how you get out, here's the list.

Instead, every single time he's asked about how to get out, he says, Don't ask about how to get out, go back to the origin so you know how to stay in.

So you know how to thrive when you're in that relationship.

And so the Pharisees used it for one reason, and Jesus uses it for another reason, and helps us to see some very important fundamentals about what this relationship actually is.

Here's what I want you to see.

He teaches this marriage is a covenant, not a contract.

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.

The word hold fast is a word which means cleave.

It has the idea of something being glued together, not like Elmer's glue, which you can just kind of break it apart by pulling it.

We're talking like gorilla glue, that that thing's not coming apart no matter what you do.

The idea is that a covenant is something where you are so tightly joined together that it's unbreakable.

This is not something that you do, it's something that God does to you.

In verse 5, it says, they shall become one flesh.

It's saying that God is the agent acting here.

It's not like I get with Hillary and I decide we're gonna become one flesh.

Instead, it's God who looks at us and he takes me and he takes Hillary and he makes us into one flesh, meaning this relationship is something that is God designed, it is God ordained, and it is to be God protected.

When we miss the high calling that God has for the covenant that He's entered, we enter we enter into, then we treat it like it is a contract.

Contra is just something that's an agreement where basically I agree to stay in this as long as I want to, or as long as you're doing what you say that you're supposed to do for me.

The second that you're not, here's what I view it as I'm out.

I don't have to stay around for this.

I used to make it a sport and a habit.

Uh uh I do it now with streaming services.

It used to be now, or before it used to be cable services, to where I was literally the most disloyal customer ever when it came to cable packages.

Like I could care less uh who I had.

In fact, my kids were on my my full family would be like, What are we doing now?

What's our service, right?

Because I'd change it all the time.

Because here's the thing used to, you sign up Direct TV, you'd have to sign up and you have to do a two-year package, two-year contract.

And you'd be able to have two years of that particular price.

And then Uverse would come along and they would offer you another package that would be better than DirecTV.

And so you co-tell U-verse, well, hey, I'll come to you, but it's gonna cost me a lot to break that contract.

And so, what'd they do?

They give me a little gift card to be able to offset the cost of breaking my contract.

And essentially what I was saying is this I'm signing up with you until I find a better deal.

I'm signing up with you until somebody makes me a better offer, and then I'm gone.

And guess what?

If you make me a better offer in a little while, I'll go back to you, but I'm only gonna go to you as long as you're the best offer in that moment.

Any of you know the name Jimbo Fisher in here?

Jimbo Fisher signed a contract with the University of Texas AM for$70 million to be their football coach.

He went through a couple of years, had a really good season during the COVID years, and guess what they did?

They said, hey, 70 million is not enough.

We're gonna extend that contract and make it even longer.

And so what'd they do?

They extended his contract.

Here's the problem.

Two years later, they didn't like Jimbo Fisher anymore.

And so they looked up, and even though he had a contract that said he was gonna have to be paid this amount of money, they basically used the buyout clause, which said this we will pay you to go away.

We know it's gonna cost us a lot of money, but we would rather pay you not to coach than pay you to be our coach.

We have looked at it and we would say, we know it's not free, but we would say the cost-benefit analysis is we would rather you take the money and leave, even if it costs us something, than for you to stay and be our coach.

Folks, some people treat marriage the exact same way.

You're in as long as you don't get a better offer.

You're in as long as things are going well.

And when things are going well, maybe you double down and you make your commitment and you do a marriage retreat, and you're all of a sudden like, man, I'm I'm really all in on this person, and then guess what?

It just takes a few years later when it's not as good.

Then guess what?

You want out.

And you start having these thoughts.

Well, I know that divorce is costly, I know that divorce is going to be difficult, I know that there's a lot of different baggage that goes along with this, but man, I just can tell you, I think it's just better to be out of this thing than I think it's better just to have to stay in it.

You feel stuck.

What I want to tell you is that marriage is not presented in the scriptures as a as a contract, instead, it's presented as a covenant.

And whether you realize it or not, for those of you that are married, you signed up for this.

You're like, I didn't sign up for this.

Well, let me just remind you, every wedding I've ever done, I always have a time when we do vows and rings.

And what I know, whenever you do the vows and the rings, those in the audience, they're not paying any attention whatsoever.

They heard it a thousand times, they begin to check out.

The couple, the bride and the groom that's standing in front of me, they're not thinking about what they're actually saying.

They're just wanting to make sure they don't mess up in front of everybody saying it.

That's all they think about.

So here's what I want to do: I want to walk you through the vows that take place at a wedding outside of the context of a wedding, so that you will actually hear and see what it is that you said if you are married here in this room.

Okay, and here's how this is gonna work, okay?

If you are married, then you're gonna say, for instance, me, I'm gonna say, I, Chris, take thee, Hillary.

Now, I know some of you don't say I, Chris, take thee Hillary, whenever we go through this process, okay?

You say your name and you say your spouse's name.

For some of you that aren't married, then you can say, I, Chris, take thee, my future spouse.

Okay?

Or, like Julia Ponko did this past week at our sermon feedback, she said, I, Julia Ponko, take thee, Travis Kelsey, to be my wedded husband.

I mean, this is your chance.

This is your chance.

You can do whatever you want to do.

I'm gonna put it on the screen, all right?

I want you to see this.

I'm gonna say it and then I want you to repeat after me like we read a wedding ceremony, already?

Hi, Chris.

Take thee, Hillary.

Some of you have some pretty weird desires about marriage, just want you to know that just now.

Whatever.

To be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part.

This is my commitment to you before God now.

And this is my commitment to you for all my life.

Once you look up here.

Where in those vows does it say that you have to be happy?

And if you aren't, you're out.

Where in the vows does it say when it gets hard, you can just exit?

Like what line, when you were there on your wedding day in that beautiful moment with your spouse and before all of your friends and family and all that type of stuff, does it say that you claim that you're only in when things are going well?

It actually prepares you for those moments when you feel stuck.

Like you committed to this.

And so the issue isn't with marriage.

The issue is, am I going to see this as a covenant or am I going to see this as a contract?

Because if I view this as a covenant, then I know I'm playing the long game here and I'm going to push through some of these difficulties.

I'm going to push through some of these moments, and I'm going to see how God can use the thing that He designed and arranged to be for my glory and for his glory and for my good.

Or I'm going to see, you know what, I don't like this, I didn't sign up for this, and I'm out.

And I will simply tell you, that's not what you said.

That's not what you said.

In front of all of your family and all of your friends and everyone else, to treat marriage like it's a contract makes it really easy to break it.

But instead, when you view marriage as a covenant, it's like holding an umbrella when it's raining.

When I have an umbrella and I'm holding it, what it does is it doesn't stop the rain from coming, it just stops the rain from getting on me.

Folks, whenever you view your marriage as a covenant before the Lord, you put yourself in a situation to where you allow the blessings of God to come into your life and for God to guide you and lead you and direct you and from all of the enemy around you who wants nothing more than to take you out.

It's a covering over not only you, but we just sang it over your family and your children and your children's children and your children's children after that.

Folks, what we need to do is buy into an idea that doesn't just say, Am I happy or not?

But instead buy into a covenant that says, I've got grandkids relying on this relationship.

I've got great, great-grandkids who need a legacy that I could leave for them, not just of always being happy, but instead I've got a legacy that simply says, We love the Lord, we love each other, and we love our family.

Folks, we've got to have a bigger vision.

This is why we're looking for the out, and God's saying, go back to the origin.

Like let these two things join together, they shall not be broken.

Look at verse six.

Let me read it again.

So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

What therefore God is joined together, let not man separate.

How do you do this?

Let me give you two points of application.

Two points of application.

Number one, invest in your marriage.

Invest in your marriage.

I'm reading an incredible book right now, such a fun read, called Moonwalking with Einstein, The Art and Science of Remembering Everything.

It's basically a book about how you can basically remember things better personally and trying to kind of help you sort of get some tricks and some tips on how to memorize things.

But it also, the author, goes through a stretch where he's not only kind of writing about like from a journalist's perspective, he also talks about the whole sport, which there is a massive sport of competitive memory challenges.

Where people go to competitions and compete in their memorization skills.

Super fascinating.

The author actually tries to go and train to be able to compete in one of these memory challenges, but he noticed along the way he kind of got stuck, and even though he was doing his reps, he was doing his practice, he was doing all the things they told him to do, he wasn't getting better or faster or memorizing more things, and he wondered why.

So he looks it up and they're just doing some research on it, and he realizes that there is something called the okay plateau.

The okay plateau is essentially when there's multiple phases when people go through and learn a new skill, right?

They're really excited about it at the first, then they begin to do it so often that they stop making as many mistakes, and eventually they come into a stage where it's basically like autopilot, which for the most part is a good thing.

The problem is, unless you're trying to improve, then being an autopilot isn't a good thing.

Let's talk about this.

Let me give you an example of it.

Driving.

And if you start driving, you're really excited, you're really into it, you want to kind of learn more about it, then eventually you stop making so many uh this bad choices and decisions as you drive.

And then I would guess that a lot of you that drove here today, you don't even remember what you did to get here.

You just showed up.

You weren't cognitively thinking about it whatsoever.

You just are basically trying to avoid getting a ticket and you're avoiding uh trying to get uh to get in an accident.

Otherwise, you don't think about what it is that you do, it's just autopilot.

And the okay plateau is a way to describe when your brain goes into autopilot with a skill and ultimately it stops improving.

Can I tell you?

That's exactly where a lot of people are in their marriage.

You see, it's not you're not stuck because your relationship is bad.

You're stuck because your relationship's just okay.

I mean, it's not really negative, but it's the exact same thing it was five years ago, ten years ago, fifteen years ago, twenty, twenty-five years ago.

And what you've discovered is this longevity in the relationship doesn't equate to improving in the relationship.

You see, just being married longer doesn't mean you're better at it, it just means you're okay longer.

And what I'm telling you is that what God has designed is something that is meant to always be improving even when it's hard.

In fact, he actually suggests that the hard is the way to improve.

And so instead of you feeling stuck and just thinking to myself, well, I don't, there's really nothing that I I can do.

I mean, it's just it's not bad, so I guess I don't need any kind of help.

I would tell you proactively and aggressively invest in your relationship so that you will look up and have a marriage that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church, which was not meant just to be, yeah, it's okay.

It's okay.

It's all right.

It's not bad.

I mean, we're not.

Because here's what I've discovered.

Some of you are like, well, you don't know my situation.

You don't know our family dynamics, you don't know how many kids, and you don't know practices, and you don't know this.

And I would tell you, really?

It's exactly what my life is.

My my entire life is such that basically we could look up, and here's what I've seen so many times happen.

We could crush parenting and be terrible at marriage.

And so, what God is asking us to do is to invest in this relationship.

What does this actually uh look like?

Let me just give you some some help towards this, okay?

Uh, take out your phones, men specifically, take out your phones, husbands.

I want you to lead the way in this.

All right, and and here's here's what I would tell you.

If you're that guy that's like, man, I ain't doing this.

I ain't doing this.

Any avenue in life, they call that being a loser.

I'm serious.

Don't be a loser in this.

I'm telling you, your wife would rather, we'll talk about it next week.

Your wife would have you lead poorly than not lead at all.

I promise you.

And let me also just, I'm for you.

You're like, man, that's kind of harsh.

I'm for you.

If you do what I'm about to ask you to do, I can't guarantee it, but it's a high likelihood it will go well for you later that night, alright?

I'm for you.

I'm for you.

Take a look, get your phones out, take a picture of this QR code, everybody can do it.

Husbands lead the way, though.

What I'm gonna ask you to do is to set up the meeting.

I want you to set up the date, I want you to set up the opportunity to have this conversation.

It's gonna lead you to a website that's gonna pull up two PDFs.

Uh the the the it says this ten questions every husband should ask their wife, key phrase, every year.

Meaning I'm not asking you to have like a one-time marriage thing and then act like you're good.

Every year.

Investment every year.

There's also ten questions every wife should ask their husband every year.

I'm telling you, I think this right here could be a great, just simple resource to help you invest in your marriage, to invest in this relationship.

And so again, husbands, I'm asking you, don't make your wife have to ask you 14 times when you're gonna do this.

Like it is, it's an epidemic.

I don't know, it it's not cool.

Like it's not, like lead, like God has gifted you and called you and wants you, and this is not hard, like you blame it on me.

Hey, hey, he said we gotta do this, or we gotta do this, or whatever.

Like that's fine.

But I what what what we don't want to have take place, I I I see it all the time, is where you essentially have women who simply say, I don't know what to do, and they want all of a sudden out, and then the husband all of a sudden wants in.

And here's the problem he hasn't been investing for the last 15 years.

Instead, let this be an investment every single year.

This is one thing you can do.

Let me give you a couple of other suggestions.

I would encourage you to have a regular rhythm for dates.

Hillary and I used to do this when we had no money and we had no time and we had no schedule on Thursday nights after we put the kids down.

It was free and we ate at the house.

But it was at least a time when we told the kids and we told us, like, this is for us.

Right now, it's Fridays at lunch.

Look, our marriage is incredible.

It's great, it's doing really, really well.

And so I want to double down right now.

I don't just want to coast.

And so I would encourage you, what's your rhythm for investing?

Make sure you go on a marriage night.

We got one coming up, May 4th, designed to help you sign up and be a part of the Michael Jr.

event.

Go to re-engage on Wednesday nights, not because your marriage is falling apart, because you want to make sure that it never has the option to.

You invest in it in every single way.

Get around other godly couples in a life group who also are trying to live out their marriage in a godly way and be around them and talk to each other and encourage each other and live your lives out so that you're not just being busy, but instead you're investing in your relationship.

Get marriage books or some great ones.

Anything Gary Thomas writes would be one I'd tell you.

Anything he writes is great, all right?

Invest in your relationship in every single way.

Second thing I'd tell you is this guard your marriage.

Guard your marriage.

I told you, Hillary and I are, I would tell you, I think we're at an incredible spot.

I mean, I can, I'm not just saying this.

I I love her more today than I've ever loved her in the 21 years that we've been married.

Um this happened on Wednesday.

I uh got a text message.

It was a random number.

A lot of times these get flagged, and so I don't usually get them, but for whatever reason this one kind of came through.

It's not totally abnormal, but it just kind of caught me off guard.

So here's the text message that reads like this Longtime no C.

Can we meet today at lunch for noon?

At noon.

I said, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.

I don't know who this is.

They said, Are you Mia?

And I said, Nope, I'm sorry I'm not.

They said, Let me check the number.

I must have made a mistake.

I hope you understand and sympathize, no problem.

90 minutes later, 90 minutes later, I told I mean it moved on.

Thank you.

We can be friends in this confusion.

I'm Nelly.

What's your name?

I I grabbed my phone, I was I'm tired.

Last weekend was a lot, we had a lot going on.

I was just tired.

Whatever, I don't remember what the timing was, but I was bored in that particular moment.

I'm tired and I'm bored.

I grabbed my phone and I typed Chris, and right before I hit sin, it was like the Holy Spirit stopped me and said, What are you doing?

What are you what are you doing?

And then I stopped and thought, what am I doing?

I don't care about Nelly.

Who even is Nelly?

But can I tell you if you're not regularly investing in your marriage, a text hits differently.

I had no ill intentions even by putting my name down.

I wasn't, I was trying to be nice.

But can I tell you so many people in an attempt to be nice start a path where they end up not being married?

And so my my encouragement to you is this I wasn't looking for that.

It was random.

I didn't know what it was.

It could have been a bot or AI, who knows for that matter.

But I do know this.

In that particular moment, I had a choice.

And you've got a choice right now.

Are you going to say yes to a decision that can lead you down a road that can cause damage, not just to your marriage, but to your family and to future generations?

Or are you instead gonna guard your marriage to where you look and see what the outcome possibly could be and go 15 steps back and say no here so that you don't say yes over there?

So therefore, it's not that I'm just gonna casually look at some things that I'm not supposed to do on my phone or casually look at some things that I'm not supposed to on the internet.

Instead, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna make the choice over here.

I've got eyes for one person.

And I'm gonna guard that with every bit of me.

And if you think that that is rude to Nelly, so be it.

We need a lot more people who are rude and married happily than we need folks who make every compromise in the book and not guard their name.

I tell you that simply to say this.

You gotta make the decision right now.

Your marriage is gonna be hard.

Your marriage is whenever you put two sinners together, it's guaranteed conflict.

You're guaranteed to have some problems, but you gotta make this decision.

I'm not gonna ignore it, I'm not gonna minimize it, I'm not gonna overlook the problems that I have in my marriage, I'm gonna guard my marriage because I'm gonna work through it.

I'm gonna go to a counselor and I'm gonna get help.

There's nothing wrong with getting counseling for your marriage.

In fact, I think everyone should get counseling for their marriage.

I think it's great to have an outside perspective.

I think you should go to re-engage and you should try to see how you can invest in your marriage, but how you can also put up safeguards around it to where you know this is the most important thing above everything else.

Men, do you want to know what you can do to guard your marriage?

The most important thing that you can do is not go to your son or your daughter's game.

The most important thing that you can do is to love their mom.

You can live in such a way to where your children begin to see not just the fact that, hey, we're into this gospel thing because we bring you to church every now and then and then we let somebody else tell you about it.

We instead say, we're into this gospel thing because I'm so into her, I want to show you what that looks like.

Because the Bible says that your marriage is a reflection of the gospel to the world, let it start in our own homes.

What do you need to do?

To guard your marriage.

Some of you think, well, I just need to get out.

Can I just tell you though, whenever you get out, here's the problem, you go with you.

And what God desires instead is to use your marriage relationship as a chiseling in a way to shape and to form us ultimately so that we can be a picture of the fact that Christ, when it was the hardest of all, didn't say, Man, I don't want to do this.

But for the joy that was set before him, he endured the cross, despising its shame and now is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Let me show you the goal, the picture.

Lonnie and Jeanette Cook, they were part of our 9:30 service.

They sit right over there.

Lonnie and Jeanette Cook, this church, in the five years that I've been able to be a part of this great church, was built on the backs of people like Lonnie and Jeanette Cook.

There's so many of them out there.

They are just faithful people.

Everything about them is faithful.

Lonnie and Jeanette have been members of this church for over 50 years.

Both of them have gone through bouts of cancer along the way.

Have seven uh, excuse me, two kids, seven grandkids, eight great-grandkids.

Last five years, this couple has come in every single week for their 815 life group.

And they tell me, you know, I don't get around like I used to.

Physically, I'm not quite as able to move and do all the things, but they have been a constant source of encouragement to me and a constant prayer warrior for this church.

They've loved this church faithfully, they've loved the Lord faithfully, and they've loved each other faithfully.

This past Thursday, they celebrated 71 years of covenant marriage together.

71 years.

Even when you're angry, always kiss each other goodnight.

For those of you that are married, we need more Lonnie and Jeanette cooks.

Legacy building faithfulness.

Would you bow your heads and would you close your eyes?

Let me ask you the question.

How is your marriage if you're married here today?

Are you treating things like a contract?

Do you need to embrace the covenant of your marriage by investing in it and guarding it?

Some of you are here today, and you will never have a better marriage until you start with a relationship with God in the first place.

We do things wrong, including marriage.

The consequences of that sin is not only death and separation from God, but chaos and strife in all of our relationships.

But God sent his one and only Son Jesus to die on a cross for your sins.

He rose from the dead three days later and he offers to give you his righteousness, to fill you with the Holy Spirit so that you can be forgiven, so that you can live different.

If you want to receive Jesus into your life, would you pray this simple prayer with me?

Dear God, I want to receive your son Jesus.

I believe you died for me, I believe that you rose from the dead.

And right now, I ask you to save me, forgive me of all of my sins.

I want a relationship with you that is bigger and better than any earthly relationship, but that will help strengthen all of my relationships.

Come into my life right now.

Save me.

It's in Jesus' name that I pray.

Amen.

Would you look up here if you just prayed that prayer of faith with me?

I want to ask you to come forward.

We want to celebrate with you.

We believe the Bible says that there is a party going on in heaven because of what you just did.

And so what I want to ask you to do, you see our team already up front on the sides as well.

I'm gonna ask you to come forward and make your decision public.

Others, if you need to come and join United City Church, this is the church that God is leading you to.

You just sense it, you know this is where he wants you, and so we want you to come and would you just lead the way today.

Others, if you need to be baptized, like this one that we saw earlier today, what an unbelievable testimony.

That's your next step.

If you gave your life to Jesus, that's what you need to do.

Come, let us schedule your.

Your baptism, maybe some of you need prayer today.

Maybe you want to pray together as a couple up here on this altar.

Let it be a place that you can just prostrate yourself before the Lord and just simply say, God, I'm available to you.

Do what you want in our marriage, in our relationship.

Maybe some of you have strained relationships, difficulties, finances, whatever it may be, whatever prayer needs you've got today, we want to pray with and pray for you.

Father, I pray you'd move in these moments we have left together.

Use them, call people to yourself.

It's in the name of Jesus that I pray.

Amen.

Would you stand up and as you stand, our team is up front?

You come as God is leading you to respond.

Come on.

Shine through the shadows.

Your name is healing.

Your name is life.

So pray every strong shall the shells.

So shall Jesus from the mountain Jesus in the street.

Jesus born up family.

I speak holy name.

Jesus for my family.

I speak the holy name.

Jesus.

Let's pray together, Father.

We do speak the name of Jesus over our families.

Father, we speak the name of Jesus over our marriages.

I speak the name of Jesus over those that are single in this room.

I pray, I speak the name of Jesus over the widows, over those who are divorced.

Father, I speak the name of Jesus over every situation that we find ourselves in.

Father, I pray that you, by your grace and your mercy, would help us to live under your will.

Father, I pray that you would lead and that you would guide and that, Lord, we would be responsive to your spirit.

Lord, that we would do what you ask us to do.

We would love how you ask us to love.

We would serve how you ask us to serve.

And Father, ultimately, we pray that you would get glory and it would be for our good.

Thank you so much for this opportunity, Lord, to be able to come before you.

To ask God for you to move.

We ask that you would continue to move in our midst.

It's in the name of Jesus that I pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Hey, real quick, I got two quick announcements.

One, marriage conference coming up.

May 4th.

Laugh is the code.

You can get your tickets.

Second thing is this.

It's a big one.

We're packed already today for our service.

This is after Easter.

You saw after Easter we were slammed for a lot of our services, this one in particular.

In the next six to eight weeks, I can't tell you the exact date, but we are moving very quickly to three services 8:30, 10, and 11:30, which is awesome, okay?

Here's the thing.

Part of the reason we're doing that is because we're about to expand this worship center.

And what that means is that basically on that back wall, up to where like the little arch is, all the way over and all the way back, is about to be a massive wall.

Meaning all of those seats back there are about to go away, and we're gonna be building stadium seating here in the middle.

At the completion of that, we're then gonna basically put another wall over here and another wall over here, and we're gonna be building stadium seating there.

It's about a six-month project, and here's the deal.

We probably need three services anyway.

We have to go to three services in order to accommodate this worship center expansion.

It's gonna be awesome on the back side of it, but here's what we need most.

We need people to serve.

If you have already been through Girl Track and do not serve, there's three areas we need you to focus on, okay?

First impressions, kids, and preschool.

If you are not currently serving in one of those areas and you are available and have gone through Grow Track, I need you to take a look at this QR code, scan it, and immediately sign up to help us serve in those areas, okay?

The other aspect of some of you that haven't been through Grow Track, still take a picture and let us know that you want to serve, and we will immediately get you in the Growth Track so that you can become a member and walk through the process to help us serve.

We believe that God is moving so much and our attendance is in such a way that this is necessary, but it's gonna require even more people to be in than ever before.

So here's what I would simply ask please help us out by serving in one of these capacities so that we can have more and more people come and be a part of United City.

Thank you guys so much for being here.

Y'all have a good study.

Take care.

Wow, what an amazing message we got to hear this morning.

I hope the Lord showed himself to you in a fresh, new way.

Hey, if you made a decision today to follow Jesus or a decision for Christ, we would love to process that with you.

And so text the word next to 55498, and someone from our team will be more than happy to reach out and process that with you.

If you missed the message or you missed a note or two and you want to go back, don't worry, we've got the option for that as well.

It's going to be available on Spotify as well as Apple Music.

This has been an amazing morning.

We love you guys so much, and we hope to see you next week.

Bye-bye.