The Better Version of "The Talk" | Pastor Chris Kouba

Let me uh let me add my word of greeting to uh Amos's earlier.

My name is Chris Cooper.

I have the privilege of being the lead pastor here at United City and very grateful to have the opportunity to uh give another message in this wedlock series.

I invite you to open up your Bibles if you would to Proverbs chapter five.

Proverbs chapter five.

I want to make just a few quick housekeeping announcements.

One, I just want to make sure you know you've been promoting it for a while, but it's coming.

This coming Saturday night is our marriage night with Michael Jr.

Michael Jr.

is a comedian who is absolutely hysterical.

You promise you, you're gonna not only laugh and have a great time, but you're also gonna have a great investment in your relationship.

For United City members and attenders, you can use the code LAF, and that can help you get a discount on your tickets for this event.

Uh so please be sure to do that.

And it's really exciting.

The next day, Michael Jr.

is actually gonna be preaching with us on Sunday morning.

So that's gonna be super fun to be able to have him here with us.

He's gonna be able to share the word, and so you're gonna be able to look forward to that.

I encourage you to be inviting folks to be a part of all of that.

And also at the end of the services today, as you leave and head into the lobby, we are serving wedding cake for everybody.

So I just want to let you know that.

That's coming up.

That's pretty cool.

You'll hopefully be able to enjoy that as we have a little wedding reception uh going along with the series.

Proverbs chapter five is where we're going to be.

Uh, this morning I want to have the talk with you.

You remember the talk, don't you?

It's that time when either your parents or your school or a friend told you about sex.

You probably remember it because it was one of those times when the light bulb went off for you, and you realize that babies don't just get dropped off by storks in the air, and you're your a baby doesn't just magically appear in their mom's belly.

It gets even more awkward when it clicks for you.

This means that my parents had sex once, and my grandparents had sex once.

Spoiler alert, they still do.

All right?

Let me give you a heads up on that.

Without question, the talk was weird, it was awkward, and something that you would love to avoid.

The title of the message today is this the better version about the talk.

The better version of the talk.

Because I want to talk about sex.

I promise you I'm not gonna be crass.

I promise you that I'm not gonna say anything, trying to get clicks or anything like that.

I don't care about any of that stuff.

I want you to hear me up front before we talk about this, coming to you as a pastor, and I want to ooze out on you a pastoral heart to talk about a topic that hears the reality of the situation.

Everybody else is talking about.

Everywhere you go, they're talking about this topic.

And we believe here at United City that the Bible speaks.

And so we want to let the Bible weigh in and speak about this topic.

And I don't want you to have the experience that I had whenever I was in eighth grade.

I remember whenever I was in eighth grade, I went to one of my church leaders and I asked them a question about sex, and I could very quickly tell based upon his reaction to the question that I had asked, I'm not allowed to say that.

I'm not allowed to bring this up.

And it was said without being said that talking about sex at church was a no-go thing.

You weren't allowed to bring it up.

You weren't allowed to talk about it.

In fact, if I think about the sex education inside of a church building that I received growing up, it essentially can be boiled down to this sex is dirty, ugly, and bad, and you need to wait until your marriage to do it.

That was basically all I was ever told.

I was like, man, that sounds awesome, right?

This is this is incredible.

And I remember, again, there's obviously nuances to all of this, and bringing it up, it was very clear the message that was being told repeatedly was this don't do it.

I want to take a very different approach today for a number of different reasons.

In fact, I want to take the opposite approach, in fact.

One of the reasons why I want to take an opposite approach is because I believe the culture, again, talks all about it, and God actually created it, and he's got some things to say about it.

And so, therefore, I think it's important for us to open up God's word and say, okay, I know what culture's telling me, but what do you say about this?

Second thing I want us to see as we continue in this series called Wedlock, is one of the ways that you can unlock your marriage and experience all the joy, all the blessing, all the beauty of that relationship is when you embrace this key principle.

To make marriage better, you have godly sex.

Let's get the awkwardness out.

Can I get an amen?

All right?

Okay.

To make marriage better, you have godly sex.

Federal agents, whenever they are taught how to identify counterfeit money, they don't spend time and training looking at all the ways that people have changed or people have replaced or people have altered money.

In fact, what they found was most successful is they actually train the agents to begin to look, feel, touch the real money, and they train and do it over and over and over and over again so that if they ever see anything, smell anything, or touch anything that is contrary to what they know is the real thing, then they will immediately be able to know that it's counterfeit.

We could easily take an approach where we talk about this topic by telling you about all the things that are bad about sex, all the various ways in which you are told to avoid and not do things related to sex, and there's plenty that are out there.

But I instead want to present to you the goal.

I want to present to you the picture.

I want to present to you the finish line, so that you will know what God says the real thing actually is.

So if there's ever any moment along the way whenever you come across something that is not the real thing, you immediately know that that's the case.

You know that it's counterfeit.

You know that it may look similar, but it's not the same.

And I want to highlight what I believe God celebrates.

I want us to see that God desires this to be a gift for us to enjoy, but he wants us to understand the gift so that we can enjoy it.

If you experience this, what I'm about to show you, I firmly believe it will help you unlock your marriage and keep you from feeling stuck.

Let's begin reading in Proverbs chapter 5, beginning in verse 15.

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

It says, drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.

Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?

Let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you.

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A lovely deer, a graceful doe, let her breast fill you at all times with delight.

Be intoxicated always in her love.

Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with the forbidden woman, and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

For a man's ways are better than the eyes or better, or excuse me, or before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.

The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.

He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly, he is led astray.

From this passage, I want to give the better version of the talk and show you three things about God's gift of sex in marriage.

We're gonna see that sex is to be exclusive, sex is encouraged, and sex is to be enjoyed.

Sex is to be exclusive, sex is encouraged, and sex is to be enjoyed.

First thing I want us to look at.

Sex is to be exclusive.

Sex is to be exclusive.

The context of Proverbs chapter 5, verse 7 is all about sexual ethics, and the specific focus and attention that's being given to here is that of committing adultery.

Proverbs 5:7

It's essentially trying to give you a path and a guide on how to not commit adultery.

And what he tells us at the beginning of chapter 5 in particular is what we talked about a couple of weeks ago when we talked about guarding your marriage.

He essentially says this you're supposed to say no 15 steps before you ever get to an eventual yes.

He's saying that you are to, it says, not even go down her street.

Like, not even give it a look.

Don't go and make your decision whether you're gonna go sleep with someone who's not your spouse when you're in their bedroom and you're having a conversation with them at their house, like you've already lost.

He instead says, go long before there and don't even go near the street that she lives on.

That's how much you are to avoid it.

Verse 15, he begins to make a shift.

He begins to start talking about a different strategy other than just avoidance.

Verse 15, it says, drink water from your own cistern, from your own well.

Verse 16 says, Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?

Translation, should you be offering yourself up to everyone?

And the obvious answer is no.

He's not saying that you can't enjoy sex.

We're gonna see that in just a minute, but what he is saying is this it is cement to be exclusive.

Verse 17, look at what it says.

It makes it super clear, let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you.

What you see being celebrated, what you see being uh honored is something that is protected, held up to admire, long for, and seek, which is a relationship that is exclusive.

I don't want to spend a ton of time here, but it isn't just meant to be exclusive.

It's specifically meant to be exclusive between a husband and a wife.

1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 2 that because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

1 Corinthians 7:2

I hope this is obvious, but I don't want to assume.

Anything besides you and your spouse having sex together is against what God wants.

So let me just kind of state a few things for the record.

All right, one night stands are not an exclusive relationship.

Ongoing affairs are not an exclusive relationship.

Having sex before you're married or getting as close as you possibly can, technically, before you do, is not an exclusive relationship.

Swinging is not an exclusive relationship.

Pornography, having sex with yourself while looking at something else is not an exclusive relationship.

The creator of sex says that what you need to do is not have something outside of your marriage being brought into your marriage to make your sex life better.

The creator of sex says that if you will craft and practice and spend time having sex with the one person that God has given you to have sex with, that is the way to improve your sex life.

The exclusivity not only enhances it, but it also protects it.

It's a way that helps it to be more pleasurable and desirable and fulfilling.

I get it, some of you, I know you're hearing this, and man, this is hard to hear.

Because maybe you have sexual abuse in your past.

Maybe you have sexual sin that you brought into your marriage, and there's no question about it, that is going to be a factor in your relationship.

But I would also plead with you and say this: work through that.

God doesn't want you to get stuck in that place.

He instead wants you to pursue him through counseling, through open and honest confession, for you to be healed from the trauma that you've experienced.

And I would simply tell you this: I believe one of God's gifts to help us when we have either been abused or when we have abused the idea of sex in our past is the exclusivity of a marital relationship where healing can begin to occur.

But it has to be guarded and it has to be protected.

God can restore the years the locusts have eaten, and he can allow you to grow in your desire and your satisfaction, but it only comes when it's safely practiced in the context of an exclusive relationship.

Let me just stop and say, I'm not an idiot.

Exclusivity is hard, but it's worth it.

If you're dating, it's hard to live and date and guard your purity, but it's worth it.

I've met couple after couple after couple who saw the ideal and said, Man, I don't want to take anything other than the real thing.

And they celebrated the fact that they made that decision.

I can also point to you couple after couple after couple who got counterfeit and regretted it right away.

Don't get me wrong, sex is fun for a season, but it doesn't last.

And instead, God desires that you experience this gift, but it has to be done in the exclusivity of a relationship.

Whether you're married or not, it is hard to avoid pornography.

Pornography is coming after you.

You don't have to go look for it.

But it's worth it.

Pornography isn't a tool that you use to enhance your sexual relationship as if inviting someone outside of the exclusive protection is supposed to make it better.

That's actually not going to be the case.

Instead, as we've talked about, the exclusivity is also what makes it better.

It's hard to avoid feelings and urges when a coworker or a friend or a classmate is pursuing you, but it's worth it.

It's hard to remain faithful and committed to one person for a lifetime, but it's worth it.

I just want you to hear this.

God isn't out to get you, but he is out to protect you.

And we must guard our exclusivity either before we are married or while we are married.

This also means that we need to be guarded in what we say about our sexual relationship.

I think it's worse, it's it's I think it isn't wrong to get help regarding your sexual relationship, but can I tell you two places that you shouldn't get help and talk about your sexual relationship?

Is in the locker room or at the girls' lunch table.

Can I tell you both of those are extremely dangerous?

Instead, go and get counseling, go and get help.

Every married person should own this book right here: Married Sex by Gary Thomas.

It's a great resource and it's a great help for you as you want to work through certain things and talk through certain things, but to do it in the context of an exclusive, safe relationship.

Sex is physical, psychological, emotional, primarily spiritual.

There's all kinds of factors that go into it.

But it's got to be guarded, it's got to be honored, and it's got to be protected.

And this can only be done through privacy and exclusivity.

Sex is to be exclusive.

Second thing, sex is encouraged.

Sex is encouraged.

I'm a little disappointed that I've gotten no amens normally in the midst of this message.

I mean, are you kidding me?

Like, yeah, okay, this is great.

I mean, uh, I remember the context of Proverbs chapter 5.

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

It's speaking about the importance of avoiding adultery and avoiding sexual immorality.

And here's the advice on how to do that.

Have sex.

Make sure that your spouse is eating so much off of your menu that they are never tempted to look at another menu.

Thank you.

Finally, got an amen there.

Yes.

Literally, sex is not only encouraged in this passage, it's also encouraged in many passages throughout God's Word.

God has given you a gift, not so that you could avoid it, God has given you a gift so that you could enjoy it.

First Corinthians chapter 7, verse 3 through 5.

1 Corinthians 7:3–5

The husband shall fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs.

The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

Do not deprive each other of sexual relations unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so that you can give yourselves more completely to prayer.

Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Translation.

Have sex.

A great way to avoid sexual immorality, a great way to avoid sexual temptation.

Have a lot of sex with your spouse.

Song of Solomon, we're gonna look at in just a moment, is very graphic and talks about how sex is celebrated, how sex is elevated.

And I want you to see this doesn't mean that you need to blame your spouse for your sexual temptation.

It is not your spouse's responsibility to keep you pure.

But there's no question about it.

Part of the strategy to guard your marriage and unlock your relationship is to have sex.

Don't twist this or get weird with this or demanding with this.

But don't miss this.

Part of God's design to help you is by protecting your spouse by having sex with them.

Let's get practical.

Don't do anything that would cause you not to have more sex in your marriage.

If you have things that you need to work through, you need to work through those things and let God redeem those things.

But don't avoid those things.

Satan will do everything that he can to get you to have sex outside the boundaries of marriage, and then he will do everything that he possibly can to try to keep you from having sex in the boundaries of marriage.

So practically, don't carry on texting relationships with people from the opposite sex.

I get it, there maybe are some work exceptions to this, and I would simply tell you they need to be exceptions, not rules.

You instead need to live in such a way to where you are guarding even those work interactions and keeping them in that vein.

And instead, I would encourage you to instead routinely and repeatedly send text messages to your spouse, letting them know of your desire and love for them.

You're nurturing one relationship while you're avoiding a negative relationship.

Let me give you some other examples and some helps.

Don't dwell on ex's social media.

You don't need to know what they're doing with their lives.

And spoiler alert, it's not even real in the first place.

People only post the best parts of them, they don't post the real stuff.

And so here's what I would simply tell you for some of you, you need to unfollow certain people.

You need to just not even go there.

Like, don't even put yourself in a position to where you even are reminded of things that you maybe used to do or relationships that you used to have, but instead you want to cultivate a desire for your own spouse to where you're able to have more sex with them.

What this also means is that I think that you should not go places alone with those of the opposite sex, whether that be lunch, whether that be a car, whether that be private meetings.

Again, you got to judge your situation and you got to be able to use wisdom because I realize sometimes situations call where that can't be avoided, but I would simply tell you this it's better to be weird than to lose your marriage.

It's just better to be weird.

If you want to blame it, my pastor says I'm not allowed to do this, blame it on me.

I'm totally fine with that.

I would much rather you be happily married than to crack open a door that can lead ultimately to not only the destruction of your relationship, but can lead to generational damage because of choices that you have made.

Um, don't look forward to seeing someone else that's a client or that you work for or that you're going to come across that isn't your spouse.

Whatever deal that you're gonna get, if your heart flutters a little bit when you're gonna meet that person, it's not worth it.

There's no amount of money, there's no deal that is worth you forsaking your relationship.

So instead, just avoid those things altogether.

Pray this prayer.

God, give me eyes so that my spouse is what I am attracted to most.

God desires to answer that prayer.

Sex is a gift.

And when you seek to get the gift outside of the boundaries set up by God, it's no longer a gift.

Instead, it becomes costly, cost you everything.

Purity at all costs, because impurity will cost me everything.

Maybe you would say, Well, I don't feel it right now with my wife, I don't feel it right now with my husband.

And I would simply tell you this you follow faith, and your feelings will come.

If you follow your feelings, it will mess you up.

Mess you up.

Your feelings lie to you all the time.

And so instead, just do what God's word says on this, whether that means waiting or whether that means engaging, and do it under the boundaries of what God says.

And I promise you, He will honor what He's gifted you to have.

What He's gifted you to enjoy.

Simply put, have sex.

Final thing is this: sex is to be exclusive.

Sex is to be encouraged.

And finally, sex is to be enjoyed.

Sex is to be enjoyed.

Verses 18 and 19 of Proverbs 15 use super specific language to describe the sexual relationship.

Verse 18 says that you're to rejoice that you get to have sex with your wife in the context here.

He then describes the act of sex.

Do me a favor, turn with me over to Song of Solomon chapter 4.

Song of Solomon 4 · chapter mention

It's two books over from where you are.

I want to expand on Proverbs 5:19 and show you the depths of what enjoyment of sex is meant to be.

Proverbs 5:19

Let me give you some context.

The book of Song of Solomon talks about a relationship from the very beginning to them meeting, to them dating, to them courting, and then ultimately the wedding takes place at the end of chapter 3, and now we are arriving at chapter 4.

They're at the hotel after the ceremony.

Like it's about to be on.

Alright?

So I just want to give you a heads up.

That's what we're about to read.

Okay?

Verse 1.

Behold, you are beautiful, my love.

Behold, you are beautiful.

Your eyes are doves behind your veil.

Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.

Alright, let's interpret a little bit.

Men, one thing I don't want you to miss in this.

Okay?

He isn't gonna touch her until verse 11.

Don't miss that.

What does this show?

Generally speaking, men, if you want to have great sex, it starts with her mind and her heart before it starts with her body.

Now we get our amens.

Okay.

Sex is physical, but it isn't only physical.

God glorifying sex is not a transaction, it's a relationship.

That's why it has to be exclusive, that's why it can be encouraged, which leads to it being enjoyed.

He starts at the very top of her, literally her head and her hair, and he begins to work his way down.

Now, it's totally up to you if you desire to use some of this poetic language when talking to your spouse.

Okay?

I don't even want to know if it goes well or not.

Don't tell me.

I don't care.

I don't care.

What I want you to see though is he's talking to her.

He's not touching.

Verse 2.

Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ooze that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young.

He moves from her eyes and her hair, and he begins to go to her teeth.

He's essentially saying this.

This is highly recommended for great sex, having teeth.

Highly recommended.

Verse 3.

Your lips are like a scarlet thread and your mouth is lovely.

Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil.

He moves to her teeth, to her lips, which are red, and her cheeks which are flushed.

Verse 4, your neck is like the Tower of David, built in rows of stone.

On it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.

He's saying, Her neck is elegant.

He's admiring her necklace that she is wearing.

Notice so far, he's admiring her.

He's adoring her.

He is cherishing her.

He is sensitive and slow and deliberate, but he's also enriched in her beauty.

It is his to admire and he cherishes her.

This is so important, especially if you're one of those that want to be married but aren't yet.

If some guy starts talking to you outside of the bounds of an exclusive relationship, he's lying.

He's got one thing on his mind.

But instead, I want you to see in the midst of a caring relationship that's exclusive and that God has given, it becomes a beautiful thing that connects your souls.

Look at what it says in verse 5.

Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle that graze among the lilies.

If you've ever been hunting, you don't walk up to a deer, particularly a fawn, to touch it.

Nor do you just yell and say, hey, come here.

You are gentle.

You are slow, you're methodical, you're cautious.

He hasn't touched her.

He hasn't touched her.

Verse 6 until the day breeze and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense.

You are altogether beautiful, my love.

There is no flaw in you.

He is taking his time.

He isn't in a rush.

He is affirming her and her body.

I'm telling you, men, I'm trying to help you out, particularly those who may have walked through sexual abuse in the past or have walked through some sort of trauma in the past.

If you begin to all of a sudden bring unrealistic expectations due to pornography, or you begin to walk in with sexual trauma and you treat a woman like she is simply an object or a means to an end, it will trigger all of those things.

But instead, I believe part of the healing process that God gives us in the midst of this relationship is the intimacy that occurs because you, God desires us to have intimacy.

Sex can easily just become physical and just become something that is on the surface.

But instead, God desires something much more.

But there's not only a connection of your souls, but here's what the scripture says in Genesis 2 they were naked and without shame.

That's not just the body, that's the emotions and the soul, and you know all of me.

You know all the good, and you know all the bad, and you know all the broken parts, and you still choose me.

I want you to see he is pursuing her soul in the midst of this encounter.

Verse 8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon.

Depart from the peak of Amana, from the peak of Sineer and Hermon, from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards.

You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride.

You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.

How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice.

Your lips drink nectar, my bride, honey and milk are under your tongue.

The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.

What I want you to see is this is French kissing before the French called it their own.

Okay?

It was biblical.

What does this tell us?

It's not just a kiss, it's different.

God desires that these gifts that He's given are meant to be enjoyed as literally it goes all the way down to verse 11 before he ever touches.

The sensual experience is not casual, it's to be protected, to be honored, and to be enjoyed.

Verse 12.

A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed.

Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with all choicest fruits, henna with nard, nard and saffron, kalamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and alloys with all choice spices.

A garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon.

Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind.

Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow, let my beloved come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits.

It is on in this moment.

I know some of you are hearing this and you're like, dude, I'd have totally been reading my Bible if I knew this kind of stuff was in there.

I'm actually starting a reading plan tomorrow, and I'm starting the Song of Solomon.

This is awesome.

Here's what I would tell you God is not a prude.

God isn't holding out on you.

God isn't trying to get you.

He's giving you a gift that he wants you to enjoy, and pursuing sexual relations and enjoyment as a gift from God not only brings glory to God, but it's a picture of the gospel.

Church, this is the goal.

Like this is the standard.

Like this is what we want to aim for.

So, what does this mean in closing?

One, if you are married, pursue God honoring sex.

There are so many factors involved in this, but pursue sex as a gift and the culmination of a relationship of mutual admiration and mutual pursuit, mutual honor and mutual love.

If you aren't married and you read Song of Solomon, you're gonna see throughout the first three chapters, don't awaken love until it pleases.

It's too good to get a fake alternative of it.

I'm telling you, it's not the same thing.

And so, therefore, you should instead aspire and desire and know that it is worth it to wait until love pleases.

If you've been abused, if you've been hurt, this is an area of pain for you.

Don't sit in that.

I don't want you to hear me saying, like, hey, you should get over it.

I'm not saying that at all.

But I am saying this.

I do want you to allow God to redeem it.

Because God is a master of taking really broken things and redeeming it and allowing the restoration of the years the locusts have eaten from you.

I'm not telling you that it's gonna be quick.

I'm not telling you that it's gonna be easy, but what I don't want you to do is just get stuck.

I said want you to pursue God's best, knowing that God desires.

Whether it be help, counseling, walking in his grace, you can experience his grace that has been given to you.

I know statistically, so many of you view this area and topic out of a source of pain and regret and frustration and guilt, maybe even anger, instead of a place of joy.

Whether that's because of unrealistic expectations due to pornography, whether that's because of horrible abuse that is absolutely of the devil in every way, perhaps because you compromised your standards along the way, or whatever it may be.

I want to tell you a story.

The story about a young man who lived under his father's roof, his father's control.

He was blessed, he had everything he ever wanted, enjoy anything he wanted to do.

He just didn't like his dad's rules.

He didn't like the lack of freedom that he had underneath living his dad.

So he decided, he got a little bit of money, and he decided, I want to go do my own thing.

And he began to leave and he began to live in such a way where he pursued all the things that he wanted and not the things that his dad wanted for.

He began to find the culture around him affirming him of this decision, and so therefore he began to see all these things that the world promised him were gonna improve his life and make his life better and make his life more fulfilling.

And so he pursued all of those things.

But here's the problem it never worked.

It just left him unsatisfied.

It left him with a pit and a hole in his heart, it left him longing for home.

And so he looked around at his situation, realizing that he'd done everything that the world told him he's supposed to do, and he still doesn't feel any better than he did before.

And so he thought, maybe I should just try to go home.

There's no way dad's gonna accept me.

No way dad's gonna love me, though.

But I know dad's got some workers that work for him.

Maybe I can just be one of those guys.

Maybe I can just be someone who just helps around the house.

It's gotta be better to work in the house of my dad than it is to be where I am now, doing all that I wanted to do.

The story goes is that the that that son goes back to his dad, and what he found wasn't a dad with a lecture.

He didn't find a dad that had his speech already prepared, ready to lay into his son for all the mistakes that he had done.

He didn't have the I told you so speech ready to deliver.

Instead, the story goes is that the dad had been waiting and hoping and praying that every single day the son who went and blew everything in his life would one day come home.

He says that he looks, he sees from the distance.

That's a boy.

And he goes and he runs all the way to his son, he bear hugs, he picks him up, and he walks him over back to the house.

He kills the fattened calf in the house, and he has a massive celebration because his son, who was lost, has come home.

Folks, if you've blown it in this area, if you've got damage in this area, if this isn't a sense, difficult subject for you, it's time to come home.

What you're gonna find is a God who longs to let you enjoy the gift that He's given to you.

There's two things I would tell you.

First of all, I'd tell you this do not be deceived.

God is not going to be mocked.

If you play games with God, you will pay the consequences.

Don't screw around with this.

Some of you, in fact, may be here, and the message that you need to hear is this you are teetering between the relationship that you got off last on the phone with last night, and you need to run, you need to run away from that.

You need to experience the grace of God telling you today, don't do it.

But for some of you who've already walked down that road, already experienced that, what I want you to know is this come home.

Look, there's going to be consequences as a result of your choices, and you can't avoid those.

But what I can tell you is this is that God can work in spite of the consequences.

God can heal hearts, and God can heal your life, and God can heal your marriage, and God can heal your relationships, but don't try to do it outside of what He's given you to do.

Would you bow your heads and would you close your eyes all across this room?

If you're watching me online, I invite you to do the same.

The grace of God is so good.

None of us are perfect.

As we hold up the image and the picture of what God calls us to, for some of you, the next step in your, if you're married here today, is to have God honoring sex.

What I want you to do is to pursue each other through mutual admiration and love.

If you're not married today, I would simply tell you this: you want to be married?

Pray that God gives you eyes only to see beauty in the spouse.

He's gonna one day give you.

Don't flirt around with danger.

See how close you can get.

Instead, you pursue purity.

It's hard, but it's worth it.

God will give you his grace and your pursuit of purity.

For some of you who've been abused, and for some of you who have been hurt, and for some of you have made mistakes, it's time to come home today.

What I want you to know is that you're gonna have a God, it's not a shame to see you.

You're gonna have a God who's been looking and longing, waiting for this day.

For you to come to the end of yourself.

Come home.

Some of you, what you need to do is you need to have a relationship with Jesus.

I promise you, there's no relationship with another earthly person that will ever fill that God-sized void in your heart.

Don't care how many times you have sex with whoever you want to have sex with, at the end of the day, you will never feel satisfied because you were not made for a relationship like that.

You were made for a relationship with your creator.

At the end of the day, that's the most important relationship in all of your life.

If you've never received Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, I want to invite you today, let today be the day.

And you make that first step that can then allow every other step to take place.

Our team is gonna be up front and they're gonna be on the sides.

I want to encourage you.

If you want to receive Jesus today, just a moment, I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna say, Amen.

Everybody's gonna stand up.

No one's gonna be leaving, no one's gonna be shuffling around.

Please just give us a few more minutes.

And you're gonna come full.

Others of you need to come and join United City Church.

God's leading you to make this your church home.

Would you come?

Would you lead the way today?

Maybe others need to be baptized.

Man, what a I just never get over seeing people taking their next step in baptism.

Nine people today already.

That's your next step.

And maybe you see these ones that got baptized today and it inspires you, and you know, man, that's what I need to do.

I've already given my life to Jesus, but I've never followed through in baptism.

Let that be your first act of obedience.

Look, I want to ask if you need prayer today that you would get prayed for.

It doesn't mean that, whether it's about the topic that we just talked about, we want you to pray for that.

We don't want you to live in the shadows all alone.

We want to pray for you.

Maybe you've got a need in your family, you've got a need in your life, you've got a need in your own medical situation or your finances, you've got a wayward child, you've got a wayward family member.

Whatever it may be, I just want to ask that we want to use this place every week as an opportunity to receive prayer.

Praying for the saints, for each other.

Father in heaven, I pray you'd move in these moments.

Hold people to yourself.

Thank you for the reckless love that you've given to us.

Lord, may we not only experience it, Lord, but may we be willing to receive it.

God be with those who need to make a decision in these moments.

Give them the courage and boldness to respond.

In Jesus' name I pray.

Amen.

Would you stand?

And as you stand, our team is up front.

Please, no one leaving.

You'd be praying, you'd be singing.

You respond as God is waiting for respond.

Come on.

Let's just pray together, Father in heaven, we come before you and we thank you.