Forgiveness Barriers | Pastor Jason Mick

Open your Bibles with me to Romans chapter 12.

Romans 12 · chapter mention

And if you would like, go ahead and earmark Ephesians chapter 2 as well.

Ephesians 2 · chapter mention

I want to piggyback on our welcomes to all of you as well.

My name is Jason Mick.

I serve here as our executive pastor.

Pastor Chris will be back to pick up our forgiveness series next week.

So be sure you're here again next Sunday and join us for that powerful message.

And if you are online today, perhaps you're traveling or out of town, perhaps sick, just thankful that you have chosen to be a part of the worship service and worship experience with us here at United City Church Room.

Can we just welcome our online audience to the worship service today?

Especially all of you who are joining us from our correctional facilities.

We're so thankful by God's grace, the message of God's word is getting to you.

I love traveling, no doubt about it.

And I'm thankful that I got to spend three years living in Utah in the gorgeous, beautiful, beautiful mountains.

I love growing up in Oklahoma and driving to Colorado for spring break trips and skiing.

Do we have any skiers in the room?

Any snowboarders?

Okay, we'll pray for the snowboarders.

Okay, all right.

Um, I did both, don't worry.

Uh, but I love the journey to go up the mountains, the scenery.

I mean, you guys, I don't know about you.

I don't get I don't get sick in the mountains, but I get a little nervous.

Like the scenery is beautiful.

You get a little bit of the the elevation things, a lot of details there.

But then what really freaks me out is when you're going on those switchbacks and you look over and that edge just does this.

You know what I mean?

Like just talking about it, my hands just start sweating a little bit.

I'm I'm afraid of heights.

So, is anybody else thankful for the guardrails?

Okay, in Jesus' name, thank you, thank you.

Now, why are we so thankful for the guardrails?

Because they keep us from going over the edge.

Duh.

I'm reminded of the beautiful, beautiful guardrails that prevent us from drifting.

They're so good, and they're so needed.

It dawned on me as we're talking about this series on forgiveness that guardrails are good and they're there to protect me.

And I realized a few years back that I needed some better, stronger, godly guardrails in my life.

I don't stand up here before you as a polished preacher and communicator.

I stand before you as a beaten-up, bruised, and bloodied man because the best message I will ever preach is the one that I first preached to myself.

And this series has been agonizing in all the good ways possible of wrestling with the Lord and wrestling with the scriptures, of saying, God, where is there some unhealthiness in my life that I am building up?

Where are the prideful barriers that I am putting up and not allowing healthy guardrails to come in?

You know, nobody complains about guardrails when they're close to the edge.

But here's something else I've learned.

There's a difference between a godly guardrail and a prideful barrier.

The godly guardrail protects you where a prideful barrier traps you.

Guardrails keep you from danger and barriers keep you from healing.

And that, my friends, is where unforgiveness lies.

It starts as a self-preservation mechanism, and it ends as captivity.

As you're taking notes today, the title of today's sermon is Barriers to Forgiveness.

Barriers to forgiveness.

Last week, Pastor Chris preached on one of the most powerful parables in Scripture, and that was the parable, the unforgiving servant, where the servant owed the king an unimaginable debt, and the king canceled it completely.

And the same servant walked out and he grabbed a man who owed him a much smaller debt and demanded payments.

And Jesus' point was clear on how many times you and I are to forgive people who are in debt to us.

He says 70 times seven.

And Pastor Chris's main point last week was that forgiven people, forgive people.

In our first week, we understood and saw that we need to receive the forgiveness of God.

Last week we were reminded to give the forgiveness of God.

But here's the reality: knowing that truth doesn't make it easy to live.

And that is where Romans 12 meets you and I today.

Because many is many of us we agree with Jesus.

We agree.

But yet we still struggle and have barriers to releasing the debt.

Romans chapter 12, verse 17.

Romans 12:17

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine.

I will repay, says the Lord.

To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him.

If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

For by doing so you will heap burning coals on his head.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

And for two weeks we've been talking about forgiveness, receiving it and giving it.

But this week is where more tension shows up.

More tension where we wrestle with the truth of God's word and what he tells us to do with forgiveness and what our flesh wants to do.

Because many of us we hear sermons like this about forgiveness, and we think, yes, but that sounds good.

I agree with that.

But what they did?

That was serious.

God, I agree with your word and I want to forgive, but they never apologized.

Yes, but if I let this go, they could get away with it.

God, I agree, but they hurt my family.

Do you have a yes but excuse?

What is that for you?

What do you hold on to?

Now those are serious.

And no one's gonna demean a single one.

Those are real.

But I do think that sometimes our excuses and our reasonings can get somewhat creative, if you will.

Like, yes, God, I want to forgive them, but they don't use their turn signal when they turn.

Which is pretty much unforgivable, by the way.

I mean, just come on, let's be real.

Or I want to forgive them, but they talk during movies.

I know.

You see the death, even childlike faith can see it.

I want to forgive them, but they clap when the plane lands.

Some of you are looking at me like, wait, we're not supposed to clap when a plane.

It's alright, it's okay.

Here's the point our flesh and our pride want to offer up an excuse.

I'll forgive, but I'll release it, but I'll move forward.

But the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ, introduces a better solution.

And the powerful gives you and I two of the most powerful words all in scripture, and I want you to write them down today.

But God.

But God.

We were dead in sin, but God.

Evil meant to destroy, but God.

Our strength is failing and has failed, but God.

Jesus was crucified, buried three days later, but God raised him from the dead.

The gospel in the Bible has a much bigger and better story.

Ephesians chapter two, verse one, and then verses four through five.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins, but God, being rich in mercy, because wow, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ, by grace you have been saved.

Our hearts, our flesh say, Yes, but but the gospel of Jesus Christ says, but God.

But God.

And every time but God shows up in the Bible, it means God is about to rewrite the story.

And Romans 12 reminds us of this truth because forgiveness is where our yes but moment collides with God's mercy.

And before we walk through some of these barriers, some of these yes but moments, let's put to bed and rest some misnomers or misunderstandings about what forgiveness is not.

It's not pretending nothing happened.

It's not forgetting the wound.

Forgetting is not automatically restoring trust.

It's not a natural reconciliation.

It doesn't mean that all of a sudden, just because forgiveness is given, that everything will go back to being the same.

That's not what forgiveness is.

And Pastor Chris talked about that last week.

Forgiveness simply means releasing your right and my right to collect the debt.

Our problem isn't so much that we don't understand forgiveness.

The problem is that something inside us still wants to collect the debt.

And yet, some of the strongest words that you and I could ever echo.

I'm sorry, I forgive you.

And please forgive me.

Those first six words.

Repay no one evil for evil.

You know, retaliation, it feels natural.

You ever get so mad and angry that your blood just boils up and you just want to lash out?

Again, when someone doesn't use their turn signal and they just cut you off.

Just airing up my dirty laundry.

But retaliation feels natural.

Oh, but they deserve it.

You hurt me, I'll hurt you.

Expose me, I'll expose you.

You hurt my family, I'll hurt yours.

You dismiss me, I'll dismiss you.

But when your mirror, but when you mirror evil, you multiply it.

Evil never shrinks when it's returned, it only spreads.

In retaliation, it feels like strength, but revenge never heals a wound.

So let me ask, do you want resolution or do you want them to hurt?

Are you seeking restoration or sinful satisfaction?

And if they never felt what you felt, would you still be okay?

If their suffering feels necessary for your peace, you're not pursuing justice, you're pursuing revenge.

If their suffering feels necessary for your peace, you're not pursuing justice, you're pursuing revenge.

Sometimes the self-preserving boundary we build sounds like this.

I won't let them get away with it.

But my friends, vengeance isn't protection, it's escalation.

Repay no evil, no one evil for evil.

Barrier number two, that could be a common boundary.

What if they don't change?

This is where we wait for them to change before we actually release the debt and give forgiveness.

Look at verse 18 with me.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

But they haven't changed.

Paul gives us two qualifiers here.

The first, if you're taking notes, if possible, and secondly, as far as it depends on you.

What does that mean?

That you are not responsible for the repentance, you are responsible for your obedience.

But you and I have to take sole ownership of our obedience, and our obedience can't be postponed by someone else's stubbornness.

Peace and reconciliation takes two people, forgiveness takes one.

As far as it depends on you, you are responsible to people, but not responsible for how they respond.

You are responsible means responsible for means controlling their choices.

Responsible two means honoring God and how you respond.

And we have two scenarios in every single situation.

We can respond or react.

Responding with the grace of God or reacting with retaliation and emotion.

And as people who are called by God to live according to God's word and by the power of God through his Holy Spirit, we need to allow our faith and the truth of God's word to lead us, not our emotions.

Our emotions can lead us as a train wreck, y'all.

God, the author and perfecter of the emotions, he gave them to you, called us not to sin in our anger.

So we need to be led by faith so that we can respond.

Peace, reconciliation, it may not be possible.

It may not be possible.

The other person, they may refuse to repent or own their part.

And you can't control that.

May not be possible because that person continues their harmful behavior.

It may not be possible to reconcile because that person may no longer be living.

What if they don't change?

You're not responsible for every outcome of the relationship, but you are responsible for the condition of your heart.

Even when peace cannot happen, my friends, bitterness is still not the answer.

Forgiveness and releasing the debt is still our responsibility.

Barrier number three.

Did God see it?

Did God see it?

This is a funny theological question, isn't it?

In Genesis chapter 3, the first book of our Bible, and right after God had created everything and said it was good, Adam and Eve sinned against God, became separated from God, and Adam and Eve were hiding, and God cut out, Adam, where are you?

Genesis 3 · chapter mention

God wasn't asking because he didn't know or didn't see, he asked so that Adam would come to the realization that he was hiding.

Yeah.

Did God see what you said and what you did?

Yeah.

And this is where we we play mind games where we say, God, I you know, I don't, I don't, I trust you, but I'm not gonna trust you with this one.

I'm not gonna trust you with what or who hurt me in this particular situation.

Look at verse 19.

Never avenge yourselves.

He goes on, leave it to the wrath of God, which is referring back to Deuteronomy chapter 32 and verse 35.

Deuteronomy 32 · chapter mention

And this is where forgiveness feels vulnerable and unsafe because if I forgive them, who gives, who's gonna make it right?

Listen, Paul doesn't minimize evil here, friends.

What he's doing is he's redirecting justice.

Forgiveness does not deny justice, it trusts the judge.

It's knowing and believing that evil is real, but judgment will come.

And we can all agree that the justice system on this side of eternity is broken.

Praise God for it, that we have laws, but we know that it's not perfect.

And praise God that he who knew no sin became sin, so that we might become the righteousness of God.

In other words, God put his judgment on his son Jesus to die the death that you and I deserve because of our sin.

Jesus took our judgment upon himself for our salvation.

And Christ's followers, you should rejoice in that and give thanks for that, and also be sober-minded in understanding that one day there is another judgment seat for us, that we are still accountable for all of our actions and words, seen and unseen, heard and unheard.

But the judgment of salvation and for souls, well, Jesus does that.

The question is, who carries out the judgment if nothing's gonna happen?

If you don't leave the justice with God, you're gonna carry it internally.

And that weight of justice was never meant to sit on your shoulders or mine.

We're not designed to carry that load.

Unforgiveness is often disguised as unbelief, and it says, God, I don't trust you with this one.

Are you thankful that the Lord meets you and I in our unbelief?

Are you thankful that he can handle our doubts?

That he can transform our hearts and our minds and the way that we view things and see situations in people.

Barrier number four, what if I don't want to forgive?

I feel like this is a very, very strong common one.

In this series, it's been amazing to see how God has begun stirring up the people of the United City Church.

The phone calls, the texts, the emails, the prayer times.

It's been very apparent that this is hitting a note.

And some of you have even told us, I don't want to.

This is where we don't realize the weight and the cost of unforgiveness.

Bitterness always costs more than forgiveness.

You think holding the grudge is protecting you, but it's consuming you.

And the interest on unforgiveness, it compounds daily.

Unforgiveness and bitterness will age you, kill you, and harden you.

Look at verses 20 through 21.

To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him.

If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

For by doing so, you will be you will heap burning coals on his head.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Now that may sound strange to our ears, but what Paul is saying here is that kindness it heaps burning coals on someone's head.

He's not talking about secret revenge.

He's talking about the possibility that the grace you extend to someone might just awaken their soul and their conscience.

That person, that individual, those people, they've really hurt you.

And you've reconciled it in your soul that you can't change or bring reconciliation to it, but you can extend forgiveness.

And so you go and you declare it over those people or that person, I forgive you.

And it might be the very thing that softens their heart and softens their soul because they're gonna look at you and be like, How in the world did I ever deserve that?

And this is the gospel.

What did you and I ever deserve to receive the forgiveness of God?

Nothing.

We are enemies of God, but God, in his mercy and kindness, while we were still sinners, sent Christ Jesus for you and for me.

And God extended out his hand of grace through his son Jesus.

And it makes us look at it going, what did I do to deserve it or to earn it?

Nothing.

Your grace and your extension of forgiveness might just be the very thing that leads someone to repentance.

Here's the deeper command in verse 21 do not become overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

There's only two directions this goes.

One, either evil shapes you, or by God's grace you overcome it.

Because unforgiveness, it gives evil a second victory.

It wounds you and it weighs you down and imprisons you.

Friends, it's spiritual warfare.

And here's the problem bitterness rarely shows itself publicly at first, but it starts deep within the heart.

Look at Proverbs 14:10 with me.

Proverbs 14:10

The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joys.

But God.

I don't know about you, but there's been many nights where I wake up and I'm lying there in bed and I begin wallowing in my bitterness.

I begin wallowing in my insecurities.

I begin spiraling and questioning and doubting.

Anybody else ever been there?

And my heart is just tormented by bitterness.

And I'm reminded by God's grace in Ephesians 4, 31 through 32.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander.

Let all of that be put away from you along with all malice.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

Notice the connection, friends.

Bitterness hardens the heart.

Forgiveness softens it again.

In other words, bitterness is deeply personal, and people around you may not see it yet, but it is already shaping the inside of you.

Are you more guarded than you used to be?

Are you quick to assume the worst in people?

Are you more callous than you were five years ago?

Because bitterness rarely announces itself.

It just slowly weighs you down.

And every offense you refuse to release becomes weight you were never meant to carry.

And over time, the weight begins to change you, age you, and kill you.

Let me show you what unforgiveness actually does to a person.

As we've got this coming out, um, that is no light back.

Can y'all just put your hands together and just say thank you for uh even in the gym, bro?

You know, I've had several people come up to me these last couple months and say, Are you losing weight?

Well, thank you.

I am.

Um you know, moving can be stressful.

And no excuse.

I got out of my daily rhythms and habits and disciplines and just got loose with my eating habits and my lack of working out.

So I changed that.

At the end of October, early November, I'm like, I'm out of excuses.

I moved in, I'm settled, I've got my daily schedules and rhythm.

I just got to make some choices now, right?

So I do intermittent fasting.

I can't out train my fork, but I'll work out a couple times a week, eat healthier, right?

Make choices.

And I cannot just tell you, after losing some weight, I feel good, y'all.

I feel a lot better.

I feel really good.

My joints feel good, I can climb up these stairs, I'm feeling better.

Not out of breath as much.

But it's funny enough when I think about how I'm grateful that I no longer carry that weight.

I mean, I think about forgiveness and unforgiveness being such a heavy burden.

You know, that one day I took that unnecessary criticism.

And I'm just gonna carry it.

That parent who was absent in my life.

Maybe they were there physically, but emotionally and spiritually are checked out.

I'm gonna hold on to that.

Betrayed by people who were close to you, people that you cared for.

That's a lie.

Harsh words.

We hold on to words.

Broken promises.

I remember that.

Take it for granted.

Take it advantage of.

What's funny is we hold on to all this weight.

It begins overflowing and we begin holding rocks.

And here's what I know to be true that hurt people hurt people.

And you're ready to do something with these rocks.

Listen, friends, the wound may not have been your fault, but the bitterness will become your responsibility.

Years later, you're bent over, short-tempered, emotionally distant, exhausted.

I'm telling you, I'm out of breath.

The people who put the rocks there, they're not carrying anything.

You are.

Don't allow the enemy to have a seat at your table and to live rent-free in your soul.

Because unforgiveness and bitterness don't punish them, it imprisons you.

Pastor Jason, so what do I do?

As the great theologian and philosopher Forrest Gump said, sometimes there's just not enough rocks.

You stop trying to throw them, you stop collecting them, and as Paul tells us in Corinthians, take every thought captive and surrender it to the foot of the cross.

And surrender it.

No more rocks.

Lay them down.

Forgiveness, friends, does not begin and end with willpower and grit.

Forgiveness is powered by the cross and the Spirit of God.

Because at the cross, the stones didn't drop that day.

Our sinful stones were thrown and they were landed on Jesus.

And on the cross, God did not ignore justice.

He redirected it.

Not to you, but into his son Jesus Christ.

Vengeance and justice.

They were not canceled at the cross.

They were satisfied.

Jesus took it upon himself.

The weight of our sin and all of humanity fell on him.

For your good, for his glory.

At the cross is where God treated Jesus as if he lived your life so that he could treat you as if you lived his.

You forgive not because the wound was small, but because the mercy of God is so massive in your life.

What's holding you back, friend?

It's time to confront our unbelief and to cry out to the Lord.

It's time not to willpower ourselves to reconciliation or forgiveness.

No.

It's time to lay down our rock and to cry out and declare, but God.

But God.

Would you bow your heads and close your eyes?

No one moving, no one leaving.

This is a time of invitation.

Romans 12 today reminds us that we don't have to pretend that it hurts.

It's telling us to not let the hurt turn into hostility.

Which barrier is yours?

One listed or not?

What's your barrier to unforgiveness?

Are you demanding revenge, waiting on an apology, refusing to trust God?

Slowly being reshaped by resentment?

If nothing changes in the other person, will you still obey Jesus?

You don't have to deny the wound.

But you don't have to keep storing what was thrown at you.

For some others, your biggest barrier is that you've never asked Jesus to save you from your sin and forgive you of your sin and save you to a relationship with Him.

And it's time to put down your rock.

It's time to surrender and declare, but God, who is rich in mercy, and that shall flow from you all the days of your life.

And today you need to come to Christ.

You need to lay down your excuse, lay down your life, and ask Jesus to save you.

The Bible says, anyone who calls upon the name of Jesus will be saved.

And today is your moment of salvation.

The day that you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord and that God raised him from the dead, this is your moment.

In just a minute, I'm going to pray.

We're all going to stand and sing a song of invitation.

As we sing and as we pray, if today you need to come forward and declare, today I'm coming to faith in Jesus.

I need a savior.

And I need to walk away from my sin and be forever changed.

Then at that moment, I want you to boldly step out from your seat, walk down one of these aisles, and tell one of our prayer team members and staff that Jesus saved you.

Others of you, you've called upon the name of Jesus and you are saved, but you need to take your next step in believers' baptism, like the three we've already witnessed earlier today.

We've got three more in our next service.

But you need to talk with someone about scheduling your baptism in your next step.

Others of you, you've been checking out United City Church.

But it's time for you to come home and join this family.

We want to talk with you about what that next step looks like.

Or perhaps just the weightiness of the topic and the stirring in your soul that the Holy Spirit is leading you and prompting you to confess something to someone, there's healing in that.

To come and pray.

Ask someone to pray for your bitterness and unforgiveness.

Ask someone to pray for boldness.

And you just want someone to talk with.

That's why we're here.

So I'm gonna ask that no one leaves our worship service for the next few moments.

But as we pray, as we sing, I'm gonna invite you to respond as God leads to make a decision for Him.

So, Father, we cry out now.

God, I pray for the unbeliever who's going from death to life in this moment.

God, the power of your gospel, but God, will you do it again?

And God, I pray for the believers in the room who are struggling that you're gonna meet them right where they're at right now.

Help them move to boldness and obedience.

God, increase our trust in you.

May we not depend upon ourselves or carry a weight that we were never meant to carry.

We surrender to you, Jesus.

We pray this in the mighty name of Jesus.

Amen.

Thank you so much for joining us this morning.

We can't wait to see you next week for any of our services at 8 30, 10, 11 30, or Espanol at 1 o'clock.