Stop In The Name of Love | Pastor Josh Thomas

Hey man, honestly, we can just go home after that.

My gosh.

Um my name is Josh.

I'm the worship pastor here at United City.

Uh it is very rare that I get the opportunity to sit on the front row and be led in such incredible worship.

Uh I think that's a testament to our team.

And um whether we're up for teaching or preaching, uh, our aim is to exalt the name of Jesus and everything that we do.

That if there's one name you remember, let it not be Pastor Chris, Josh, Richie, Regina, Andrea, Tanya, Latasha, may it be the name of Jesus that you remember in everything.

It is so good to be with y'all.

Ma'am, so good.

Well, go ahead and turn to your Bibles to Song of Solomon, chapter two, is where we're gonna be.

Uh, and while you guys are doing that, uh, good morning to all of our men and women at all of our correctional facilities.

It is so good to be with you this morning as well as everyone tuning in online.

We are so grateful that you guys are here with us.

You guys help me give them a hand clap of praise as they're here with us today.

Well, y'all, we we uh we in a series all about relationships, right?

All about love, some would say, right?

Uh here's what's interesting for me in this whole thing.

Um, many of you have actually seen my personal relationship with my wife actually play out.

Uh some of you may have known us as Josh and Lily, who were just two single folks on staff.

Uh, and then some of y'all got to know us as Josh and Lily who were dating, right?

And everybody around here was nervous about how that was gonna turn out, including us, right?

Uh, and then you guys got to know us as Josh and Lily, the engaged couple, which is really, really sweet.

I know, right?

And she's just beautiful.

And then you guys got to know us as Josh and Lily, the young married couple.

Uh, and I don't know if you guys have seen, but now it's Josh and Lily and Baby Thomas on the way in October 24th.

It is so fun.

It is so fun.

Y'all keep praying for us, be praying for mama and for baby.

October 24th is uh expected date now.

Just be praying that God would keep us in perfect peace.

Uh, but you know they tell you that before you like have a kid, it's probably good to try to keep something else alive, you know, uh before you before you go into uh the deep end.

So for some people, uh that's like a pet, right?

So you get like a pet, you get a dog, you get a cat, you get a bird, some people, right?

Um I we, primarily me, uh, I just I wanted to be a really good plant parent, you know?

I just wanted to be a good plant parent.

I think we have a picture.

Um, okay.

Uh that is the best that they have ever looked, right there.

You were looking at them in their glory days, right there.

There it is.

Um, and y'all, I hate it because like the confession is like those plants were doomed the day they got in our car.

Um and but and I hate that because my my grandmother has a green thumb.

I have friends that are really, really good at keeping plants alive, though, you know, the whole deal.

But I mean, here's the situation.

As much as I want a green thumb, it's just the truth, all puns intended.

I got a black thumb, okay?

And that is just that is it just is what it is at this point.

And as much as I would like to blame the plant for not being able to keep up in this fast-paced environment and just take care of itself, um, I'm the problem.

It's me, right?

Um, now some of y'all would just say, Josh, bro, get a fake plant.

Cut the hassle.

And you have a point, okay?

But man, I love the work that goes into a real plant.

Like I love the reward that comes from something real.

Now, here's the deal.

It may not look perfect every day, and it may, it may droop a little bit, but here's the deal: it's alive and it's honest.

And over time, if I care for it properly, it grows and it does produce something that's real and rewarding.

It brings up another interesting thought.

See, in ancient Israel, um, they understood something about this.

So, olive growers um understood that olive trees just take time.

They're slow to mature, but man, they're long-lasting, like 150, 200 years long-lasting.

So, farmers would actually uh invest significant care early on, preparing the soul, tending to the roots, and maintaining the tree.

Why?

Because they knew that what they did in the beginning would determine the quality of the fruit that they produced over time.

Now, why did I tell you that today?

They knew the value of what they possessed.

And why do I tell you that this morning?

Because for some of you in this room, you're in relationships that are growing.

Or you're in at least in the growing stages, right?

And you're starting to realize, man, it actually takes work to keep something healthy, alive, and moving forward.

Well, at the same time, you're you're watching a culture, be it Instagram, be it high school, be it college, be it in your workplace, you're watching a culture in a world that is promoting the fake plant reality.

And from a distance, everything looks real good.

It looks clean, it looks easy, it even has the appearance of looking real.

But when you get up close and you examine what's underneath, you know what you realize?

There's no life in it.

There's no growth, there's no depth.

It's just more of the same.

You've seen the fake relationship.

No fights, no disagreements, no real conflict.

And if there is, there's no real resolution, right?

She tag him in Instagram, he tag her, and you just want to throw up in your mouth because you know what's going on behind closed doors.

You know, you're just like, oh my God, why are they faking like this, right?

Like you like you've seen this.

Every date night looks perfect, but deep down you know that things aren't as good as they seem.

But you've also seen the other couple, and I know a few, but they fighting every day, and you like, oh my god, maybe y'all do need a fake plant.

Like, please, right?

But here's the deal like, they're sitting with a trusted couple and they're working through their differences.

They're being honest about what they're seeing and what they're feeling.

And here's the deal: it's not polished, but it is real.

One is focused on image maintenance, making sure that everything appears good.

The other is committed to a growing intimacy.

Things actually are good.

One will always produce the same result.

The other one actually has the potential to produce something deep, lasting, and meaningful.

And so as we step into a conversation about courtship today, let me just go ahead and give you my bottom line up front.

Here it is.

What's real will always yield a return, but it's going to take real work.

Um, Pastor Chris don't let me up here much anymore, so I got a whole bunch to say today.

Uh especially to my young adult crowd.

I miss you guys so much.

You're about to get about eight months of pent-up sermons all in the next.

I I will have you out of here by the time you'll beat the second Baptist crowd to Chewy.

That's all I'm saying.

But but before we get there, what is real will always yield a return.

Always.

And maybe you're here today and you have an ambition and a desire to do things the right way, you just don't know how.

You've been the fake plant relationship, and it's not anything that you thought you wanted, and you're longing for what we called the real thing.

This morning, if you would allow me, I'd like to walk you through some of the practical handles on how we can do this the right way that yields right fruit.

And as we walk through this idea of courtship, now here's the day, I keep saying that word, we don't really use it anymore.

So I'm just gonna call it um dating with intent, right?

So you're kind of past casual dating, you've looked at your pyramid, as Pastor Chris talked about last week, you've built it the right way, and now you're stepping into, okay, I think I could actually see a future with you.

How do we do that, right?

This is the days when romance is young and it's budding.

And it's with that in mind that I want to turn our attention to the text when we find a very young couple who I would say are madly in love with one another.

They're pursuing a romantic, committed relationship.

And my aim today, in the time we have together, is to look at the woman's perspective, her reflections on who she calls her beloved.

That's a man, that's a booth thing, you know?

And y'all know how much I love poetry.

Her words are poetic, but upon a further look, they reveal something deeper.

She's actually describing patterns and practices that you and I can learn from.

Now, we're talking about date and intentional dating and all that kind of jazz.

I'm aware I got some married folks in the room, but I would say this: even though we're focusing in on intentional dating, there's something for married couples here too.

So don't check out, and here's why.

Because over time, it's easy to stop doing the very things that granted you a relationship with your spouse in the first place.

Life gets busy, kids get in the way, and before you know it, you drift into functioning more like professional roommates than you do romantic partners.

And so, no matter the season you're in, this is an opportunity for all of us today to evaluate our romantic relationship with someone.

But before we get there, like I mentioned, this is full of poetry, right?

Uh, it's called wisdom literature.

It doesn't always unfold in a clean, linear way.

So I'm gonna have to guide us through this thematically, which means it's not gonna be verse by verse.

So we can accurately assess what's taking place in the text.

But in order for us to do that, I need to give you the season that this couple finds themselves in.

And it's the season of springtime.

Right?

Here's the deal.

We just have to imagine what springtime is, as Texas, because we don't really, we don't really get that.

It's just like hot, less hot, cold, really cold, hot, repeat, right?

That's about it, right?

So let's just imagine that we're somewhere that actually has a good spring.

But when you meet me, and Song of Solomon, chapter two, beginning in verse 10.

Says, My beloved speaks, and he says to me, Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.

For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone, the flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land.

It's springtime.

Winter has passed, and this season is marked by newness, it's marked by life, by freshness, uh, by growth.

Uh, winter is past, which means that the cold and lonely winter nights have moved on, and now it's it's excitement.

And they even say that they're singing.

Um, y'all remember that scene in Little Mermaid uh where Ariel is talking about something like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And she's spinning all around like something, and then she leaves, and then Triton is like, what is going on with that girl?

And her sister says, Daddy, can't you tell she's in love?

You know, like, like, like that's the season that this couple finds themselves in.

It's exciting.

It's new love, it's exciting.

It's budding and it's growing.

Everything is beginning to bloom.

But I feel like the tension we have to wrestle with in a season like springtime is that we often think the relationship needs a lighter fluid to stay alive when God is only asking you to tend it with care.

You think you have to go over the top and do all these dramatic things just to keep the flame alive?

And God is going, no, consistent faithfulness over time is what's gonna yield a proper result.

In spring, life is returning or it's beginning.

For them, it's beginning.

Things are becoming more vibrant, more colorful.

They're asking themselves the intentional questions.

What do you see with your future?

What would you like to do?

How many kids do you want?

Do you put pineapple on pizza, right?

Like they're asking themselves the real questions.

And it's kind of funny, but that is important, right?

There's excitement in the air, there's a real desire to lean in and enjoy what's growing.

And so I guess the question that the text is actually asking you is this it's a good season, it's springtime.

How are you gonna handle it?

What I found, and even experienced myself, is that when we encounter something good, something new, something exciting, y'all know what we do?

We usually do one of two things.

We rush it or we run from it.

Either way, we ruin it.

The text is communicating that it's a good season, it's filled with hope and potential.

So savor it.

Don't self-sabotage.

Now, if you already know it ain't gonna work, girl, be so for real.

Let that man go, okay?

We've already seen about seven or eight breakups.

You can be number nine.

Like, it's okay.

Like, it's okay.

Like, that's why we're doing this, right?

Don't waste time.

But I also say, don't rush potential tragedy either.

Y'all know what I'm talking about.

Uh, stuff ever been going so well, like, so so good, that you just start making up stuff in your mind.

Like, I don't like the way you said thank you to that girl at the drive-thru window.

I don't appreciate that.

Or, hey, can you tell me why that girl liked your post?

Like, what's going on with that, right?

Like, hey, I know he's your guyfriend, but y'all just a little bit too close.

I don't I don't know how I feel about that.

You know what you do?

You start making up these problems in your mind and you start to build a case around an anxiety that don't even have real evidence.

Toxic is what we call that in the next generation.

But there's a term for that, right?

Brene Brown calls it foreboding joy.

It's when we experience something good, but instead of fully receiving it, what we do is we temper it with anxiety, the feeling that something bad is about to happen, so we rehearse tragedy in our minds as to protect ourselves from being blindsided, hurt, or disappointed.

Anybody ever been there?

And while there is this wisdom in moving slowly and caring about your heart and caring for their heart and all this kind of stuff, dating should be marked with a very clear intentionality.

Because it is the process of evaluating a romantic relationship between a man and a woman to discern whether it's moving toward deeper intimacy and lasting commitment or not.

So, if that's the case, if this is a good season that requires real care, well, the question that you have in the room is probably, well, Josh, how do I do this?

I'm so glad you asked me, 1130.

This is where our couple begins to give us some really helpful insights.

So, over the next few minutes, I want to give you a few practical instructions from Song of Solomon on how to invest in what's real and also just how to make it last.

First thing I want you to see is this you gotta pursue a purpose.

And all God's children said, Amen.

The voice of my beloved, it says in Song of Solomon chapter 2, beginning in verse 8, the voice of my beloved, behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.

Song of Solomon 2 · chapter mention

My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.

Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice.

She describes her beloved as a gazelle or a young stag.

Now, I don't know how much you know about gazelles, but I don't know that much.

So I had to do a little bit of study, right?

And this isn't a casual metaphor.

See, in the ancient Near East, the gazelle actually symbolized speed, focused uh energy, and graceful strength.

Um, hilariously enough, because my friends and I like to take really random side quests, I actually got to see a gazelle a few weeks ago uh over in New Broncos.

You have a picture of it.

Uh, it looks great.

And here's the deal I was like, I have to show this picture because there's no other reason or no other uh explanation as to why I could show a picture of a gazelle on a Sunday morning, but it's in the text, guys.

And so I'm like, oh, this must be from the Lord, right?

But if you look at that picture and she describes him as a young stag, I don't she's I I don't think she's calling him light, cute, and fluffy, right?

I think what she's saying is this.

What she's trying to communicate is this hey, he's not aimlessly wandering towards me.

He's actually moving towards me with intention and with everything that he has.

Remember when her beloved came to the door and said, Come away! He's saying, Come away with me.

He's calling her out of her mother's house and into the fields for their love to flourish.

But notice how he does it, guys.

He stands at the window, aka he stands at her door.

He makes himself visible and available.

He gives her very clear and direct signals.

He doesn't say, Hey, maybe we should like hang sometime and like grab food.

Maybe if you want to.

No, he doesn't leave her guessing to figure out if this is a date.

His pursuit is unmistakable.

Um, he who has ears to hear, please let him hear that.

If you want her, let her know.

Please.

Please.

This church could cut budget significantly on coffee shop meetings if y'all would just ask the girl out.

Been waiting four years to say that, by the way.

What the text is showing us.

Yeah, I'm definitely a little more unhinged at the services, so y'all pray for me, right?

What the text is showing us, though, is that this relationship is marked by intentional pursuit, not casual participation.

It's not just for companionship, it's for something more.

It's marked by intentionality, not entertainment.

Uh, Pastor Garrett, our young adult pastor, uh, has one, just done an amazing job in his new role with the young adult ministry.

I uh so proud to just be there and serve alongside and to and to lead worship every now and again.

Uh, we did a young adult uh uh podcast uh on relationships.

Myself was on it, Lily, uh Garrett, and his wife, and then uh Pastor Chris.

You can guy you guys can check that out.

Um, and if you're a young adult in the room, 730s, Tuesday nights, be here.

It's a great time.

Um Garrett mentioned this on the podcast, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Garrett said, man, people nowadays hop into relationships for attention rather than intention.

He said, and if there's no direction, the relationship is doomed before it begins.

Can I tell you something?

You can have all the God-given ambition in the world for something to grow, but without the proper intentionality and instruction, you are cooked.

No other way around it.

Joby Martin, a pastor I listen to every now and again, he says it this way.

He says, Our world's way of dating is hook up, shack up, break up, repeat.

God's way is pursue, progress, propose, period.

You see it?

Men who want to honor God don't drift through their relationships.

No, they pursue with clarity and direction.

Men, our guy in the text makes it very simple for us.

Pursue your girl.

Let her know you want her, make your intentions known.

And I would even say for the married man in the room, guys, don't let the last time your wife felt pursued by you be when you were dating or early on in your marriage.

Because if Christ still pursues his bride, the church, then we don't get to retire from pursuit either.

Now let's be honest.

Intentional pursuit also carries some weight.

You want to know why?

Because sometimes it just don't wake up.

It just don't happen.

Right?

Sometimes it doesn't move forward.

It reveals things that need to end.

The blessing and the burden of pursuit is that it leads you to either one of two places, advancement or termination.

And while that can sting and probably will for a little second, right?

For both the guy and the girl, hey, can I tell you it's actually a great kindness?

You're not wasting time living in the maybe or the obscurity.

You're not keeping somebody stuck in ambiguity.

No, you're making room for what I call clarity, for healing to take place if it needs to.

And even for the right person to step into your story or to step into their story.

While all the while knowing that just because someone is no longer a part of your story, man, it doesn't mean that God has stopped writing it.

It just means you gotta keep going.

But you gotta pursue with purpose.

Same thing is this, you gotta find the foxes.

Find the foxes, okay?

So he says, Come away with me.

And she says, Okay, boo, right?

And so she come on, so so she comes on at the house, right?

And then they go for a walk.

And it's springtime.

Springtime, right?

And they're walking, and and and as they're walking, she notices something.

There are foxes in the vineyard.

Oh no, right?

So Song of Solomon chapter 2, verse 15, she says, Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.

Song of Solomon 2:15

Foxes in the vineyard.

And interesting.

Now, foxes are small, but they're destructive.

They don't come in loud or obvious.

No, they sneak, they creep, and they take.

And that's what makes them dangerous.

They're subtle, they slip in unnoticed.

Many times they operate under cover of darkness or nighttime, and they tend to go after what's vulnerable and what's still growing.

Um, best way I can help y'all in sentence.

Y'all remember Dora, y'all I'm talking about Dora the Explorer, Swiper, y'all I'm talking about?

Yeah, y'all know Swiper.

Uh, here's the deal.

I know y'all know Swiper.

Uh look, Dora and my boy Boots will be on a worldwide adventure, just living their life.

And then here comes Swiper, right?

And after a while, you know, I'm like, Dora, we all see him, girl.

You gotta see him too, right?

And she finally sees him, and all together we're gonna say this morning.

What does she say?

She says, Swiper, no, swiping.

Exactly.

That's exactly what she says.

And we learn that as kids, and we laugh about it now.

But here's the interesting thing about it.

Maybe my girl Dora was trying to teach us all a valuable lesson.

That things of value are always in demand, so you better get good at protecting them if you want to keep them.

What the woman is communicating to her beloved, and what I am communicating to you, is this if you want a healthy, growing relationship, you're gonna have to be willing to catch the foxes that would come in and threaten it.

You have to identify the small things that seem harmless but actually carry great weight, the subtle patterns that don't feel like a big deal in the moment, but over time they begin to erode everything that's good.

And you gotta make a decision that your relationship isn't going to live in darkness.

You bring things into the light, observations, assumptions, expectations, and here's the deal: you can do that and honor somebody, but you can also be honest.

It's not offensive, it's kindness, it's iron-sharpening iron.

And so here's just a few foxes that you should probably identify.

How do you handle conflict?

How do they handle conflict?

How do they how do they operate around the opposite sex?

How does he treat the women he loves in his life?

Does she respect the men in her life?

Do they say they're a believer?

But the only reason that you know that is because of an Instagram bile, a tattoo, or a cross around their neck?

Let's talk about married couples for a second.

Some potential foxes.

Does working late always override a date night?

Is every conversation that you have with your spouse about kids, groceries, or finances?

You gotta find the foxes.

And here's the deal.

I promise you, this text tell me up before I got up here.

Because I'm having to evaluate the same things for Lily Grace and I.

But I love.

What happens here?

She brings up a problem and he doesn't dismiss it.

He doesn't say, Oh, here we go again.

I can't believe you bring this up.

No, he doesn't dismiss it.

What does he do?

He tends to it, he takes it seriously.

But let's be real, that ain't the way that you and I operate every now and again.

Sometimes, if I'm being honest, we say, That's not that big of a deal.

I'll do it later.

And sometimes it's it feels like we treat our relationships like car maintenance sometimes.

You know what I'm talking about?

Like you have a you have a light that comes on and you see it, and then about 400 miles later, you finally take it into the shop.

And once you get into the shop, they're like, Yeah, I'm gonna be so for real.

You just need a whole new car at this point, right?

And now you're looking at this and they're like, Yeah, like your brake pad's gone, uh, you need a carbon air filter, your carburetor is gone, your transmission is gone, you need new windshield wipers, because we always need new windshield wipers for some reason, right?

And you're sitting here and they're like, and that's gonna be$98,000 today.

How would you like to pay cash a card?

And you're like, oh no, not today, right?

We all do the same thing.

We go, oh no, not today.

I'll deal with that later, right?

And here's the deal.

While that I'll deal with it later mentality is really, really good, or can maybe get you down the road with a car maintenance, your relationship ain't gonna work that way.

Because here's the reality.

At the car shop, you can say, ah, not today.

Maybe you can say, ah, let me just call a friend.

For some of us, it's John Shepard, for some of us it's Eric Smith.

It's like, oh, let me just call him real quick, right?

But we but when we intentionally choose neglect, what happens is we just push it off until we feel the weight of its effects.

And then I deal with it later mentality, it's weakened a lot of relationships that once had real life to them.

We see the work, we feel the cost, and what do we do?

We delay it or we dismiss it.

The problem is why you can put off your car's maintenance, your relationship ain't gonna work that way.

Because if you want a later, you gotta deal with it now.

Put it this way: you can either identify the foxes now, or you can deal with the anxiety of mistress later.

You can deal with the foxes now, or you can deal with the underlying resentment and bitterness of unspoken expectations towards your spouse later.

You can identify the foxes now for my dating and engaged couples in the room, or you can feel the weight of not setting boundaries later.

The choice is yours.

And sometimes I just want to look at Lily Grace and be like, well, if you would do this, and if you would do this, and you do this, and God is going, sir, the fox is in you.

It's in you.

I'm trying to do work in you before you try to tell somebody else what they need to fix.

Sometimes the fox is actually inside of you.

I go to coffee sometimes and I just hear dude say, Yeah, I'm trying to work on myself.

I'm trying to work on myself.

Can I just be honest?

That is a terrible philosophy for life.

Here's why.

Because if you hold a surgeon's knife, then you'll cut what you want and you'll keep what you want, and it may not be what leads you toward looking like Jesus.

So the best thing you can do is let the Lord work on you.

The best thing you can do is identify the foxes and then bring them to a heavenly father.

Like the psalmist says in chapter, uh, Psalm chapter 139 search me, Lord.

Psalms 139 · chapter mention

Search me, Lord.

Don't search my spouse, don't search my girlfriend.

Yeah, do your work with them.

But before I get to them, God search me.

Search me, know my heart, try my thoughts, and if there is a grievous way in me, then God remove it and lead me in the way everlasting.

Because the goal here is not just behavior modification so you can get your booth in.

The goal is transformation so that you can become holy, blameless, and upright before your Father in heaven and do his will with your life.

That's the goal here.

And transformation only happens when what's hidden is brought to the light and what is broken is placed in the hands of God.

Some of y'all say got a porn addiction you need to work with.

Some of y'all still Snapchatting X's.

For some of you older folks in the room, you have Snapchat, and it's not just for your kids.

And you need to bring that to the Father.

You need to identify that.

That's a fox.

The enemy only wants to steal, kill, and destroy.

Let me tell you something.

What is done in the dark will always come to the light.

So before it becomes revealed in the light of day, how about you allow God to call you out of the domain of darkness and into the kingdom of his marvelous light instead of the enemy having to expose it?

How about that, right?

Oh, you can come today and be saved.

There's a God waiting for you with open arms.

He's ready to redeem everything that the locusts have taken away from you.

He can take what the enemy meant for evil and he can turn it for good.

But you got to be willing to bring the foxes to it.

Things are going well for our cup in the Bible, though.

If only we could have a relationship like that, right?

The taking a walk and things are well, but then the sh the scene changes when we get to chapter three.

Interestingly enough, um, verse one, she says, On my bed by night, I sought him whom I soul loves.

I sought him, but I found him not.

What we what we're given here is a glimpse into her inner world, almost like a dream.

And in it, she's searching for her beloved.

She's longing for him.

And even though she can't find him, the longing is so strong that she gets up in the middle of the night and she goes looking for him.

And everybody she runs to, she's like, Have y'all seen my man?

I miss him, right?

She wants to be near him.

She wants to be close.

And here's the deal: if you've ever had a relationship that you love being in, you know this feeling.

Not in this unhealthy or obsessive way, but in a real way, right?

You just want them close.

You just want him near.

Like you're having a good day at work.

That's who you call.

You're having a bad day at work.

That's who you call.

You ready to crash out on your boss?

That's who you call.

You see what I mean?

Right?

Um, a few nights ago, Lily Grace went to a concert and she called me.

Uh, and I could just hear the excitement from the concert she just experienced.

And she just wanted to call me.

She also called me because she was like, Well, Josh, I'm downtown and I'm a pregnant woman walking back to my car.

So I just want to make sure that I'm on the phone with somebody just in case anything happens.

And I was just sitting at the house like this, mm-hmm, just tell me everything else that happened.

It's all good, right?

You get this, you feel this, you know this.

And maybe it's worth asking if you're married in the room, hey, when was the last time you felt that kind of longing for your spouse?

The last time that you adored her and bought her flowers, the last time that you showed him attention, just took some time to check in with your husband and not the kid's dad, to stoke the flame of affection and desire.

She wants him.

And eventually she finds him.

Praise God.

And she says in verse 4, I have found him who my soul loves.

I held him and would not let him go until I had bought him into my mother's house and into the chamber of her who conceived me.

Okay, so Pastor Chris is going to walk you through what all of that means in a few weeks.

And so, y'all tune in, May 17th, and he will explain everything that this girl is talking about.

But for just but for our time together today, here's what she's saying.

She brings him into her mother's house, into the most intimate and personal space she knows.

And I want you to notice this.

She invites him in.

He doesn't force himself in.

She invites him, he doesn't force himself in.

Because at this point, it's safe to say that she's beginning to open her life up to him in a deeper way.

She's inviting him into spaces and places that are personal, vulnerable, and significant for her.

And that tells us something about him.

It tells us that his consistency, his intentionality, and his care for their relationship have created such a sense of safety for her that she feels seen.

She feels secure.

She feels loved.

And it moves her towards this willing vulnerability.

But then we get to verse 5, and everything seems to slow down.

She says in verse 5, I adjure you, whether you be a doe of the field or a gazelle of the mountain, do not stir up love until it uh do not stir or awaken love until it pleases.

See, in the Hebrew, this phrase carries the weight of a very solemn charge.

It's very serious, almost sacred, right?

And what she's saying is this Boo, as strong as my desire is for you, as strong as my longing is for you, as much as I want to bring you into my mother's chamber outside of this dream, there is still a boundary that we will honor, and we will do that with everything that we have.

Not only do you need to pursue with purpose, not only do you need to find the foxes, the last thing is this hey, don't you rush the romance.

Don't you rush it.

Enjoy the season you're in.

Here's the deal if it's a springtime season, praise God, where things are growing, where there's excitement, emotions are deepening, receive that as a gift.

But don't try to force something into something it ain't ready to be.

Desire itself is not the problem.

Desire is actually very good.

It's actually a God-given gift.

Physical desire is from the is from the Lord.

The issue isn't the desire, it's the direction we take to fulfill it.

We often try to meet legitimate desires in illegitimate ways.

And so Pastor Chris has said it for the last few weeks.

If you are living together and you are not married, please call the church.

We would love to help you take some next steps.

If you are a couple and you know that you have crossed boundaries, you shouldn't cling to grace, confess, and get in a group.

This is only going to help you.

Pastor Chris said it last week.

Restraint is not the enemy of desire.

Restraint is actually the protector of desire.

For the second time in our text, she reminds herself and the people around her that no matter how strong her feelings are, there is a right time and a right context for everything.

And until there is a covenant, amen, until there is a commitment, double amen, there are places you don't go yet.

And not because the love isn't real.

Don't let them lie to you and say, well, if you actually love me, you would do this.

That's not true.

It's not because the love isn't real, it's actually because it is.

And you want to protect it.

So don't rush it.

Don't you force it.

Don't try to accelerate something that God designed to unfold with wisdom, community, and timing.

Because when you honor God's process, you don't lose the romance.

Check this out.

You actually protect it.

As I close, uh, I want to tell you guys a story that I love telling.

Uh, some of you guys have actually heard me talk about this.

Um, a couple of years ago, um, a couple of guys on staff, on our staff and myself, we got the chance to check out a pretty rare comic book collection.

Um, there was an older guy in our church who basically had just started collecting comics as a kid uh for fun uh with his like with his newspaper run money and that whole deal, and he became a pretty avid collector of them, and so he invited us to come and see it because he was getting an appraisal on it and was gonna sell it.

Now, this may not be cool for everybody in the room, but this is really, I mean, this is where I like nerd out completely, right?

Um for me, this was wild because I got to hold some pretty rare comic books, right?

I got to hold a first edition 1963 release of Marvel's Avengers from Marvel Comics, and then I got to hold an original Spider-Man August 15, 1963 release.

I held my breath the entire time.

Y'all see how my pinkies is barely touching it?

Y'all see that?

Was terrified, right?

And when he originally bought it, he said, Josh, yeah, you know, I paid around 12 to 15 cents for it.

In today's money, that amounts to a whopping$1.15, right?

But then, over time, what was nothing crazy in low stakes actually became in demand because people want what's real.

And they'll pay for what's real, they'll pay for what's original, not the counterfeit or the copy.

This comic increased in value.

And he told us that if it's in low grade condition, right, it may go for a couple thousand dollars.

He said if it's in mid-grade condition, it could go for tens of thousands of dollars.

He said if it is graded and authenticated in his world, they just call that CGC, a certified graded copy, right?

He said it could go for hundreds of thousands of dollars.

And he told us that if a comic book of that caliber is in meant condition, almost perfect, that same comic that I'm holding could go to the tune of two to three million dollars.

Now, what does that tell you?

Here's what it tells me.

I should have been a comic book collector, okay?

That's what it tells me.

Ooh.

It shows you that when you're intentional to care for something, to protect it, to guard it, even when it feels small, even when it feels low stakes, the value of what you're holding can actually become far greater than you ever imagined.

And why?

Because what's real, what's original, not fake or counterfeit, it always yields a return.

It always yields a return.

And the same is true for your relationships.

When you choose pursuit of a passion, uh passiveness, when you're willing to identify and deal with the foxes, when you refuse to rush what God designed to unfold, you don't just sustain a relationship, you don't just get more of the same.

No, you actually increase the value of that relationship.

And so let me ask you this whether you're five days into dating, five months into dating, um, or 50 or five decades into marriage, are you aiming for a mint condition relationship?

Are you willing to cherish what you have, knowing with intentionality and right timing you'll receive something far greater than you could ever imagine?

But that's only gonna come if you don't rush the romance.

I'm also aware that there may be people in this room that, man, it's just been hard.

You might be in a place where you don't know if you'll ever have a significant other.

Maybe there's a lot of anxiety and tension around your current dating or dating relationship.

Maybe you're married and you're like, Josh, you keep talking about this springtime situation.

It just feels like winter.

And it's felt like winter for a long time.

Maybe your spouse has actually graduated to the next chapter of life and you're going, okay, what's what's left?

What's next?

Maybe you're engaged and you're this is the most exciting chapter of your life.

Regardless of where you are.

Can I just take a few moments to tell you about the only one that's truly capable of tending to your heart with a perfected love?

You know, as the Puritans studied the Song of Solomon, um, this is kind of funny, they didn't feel the most comfortable taking the literal approach towards the text, and decided to view the text through the lens of Christ and his relationship with the church.

Now, while that can get a little weird, the deeper you go into Song of Solomon, right?

I just want to invite you for a second to consider Jesus the beloved of heaven, the Son of God, Emmanuel, portrayed in our text here today.

The same way that she calls her beloved a young stag.

Can I tell you, church, that he is the one who, like a young stag, driven and determined, actually crossed the great divide between heaven and earth to pursue you?

Like her beloved who stood at the lattice, he stands at the door.

He says, And I stand and I knock.

And what does he do?

He calls us out of what is familiar, even what is broken, and he invites us into the domain of darkness and invites us out of the domain of darkness and into the kingdom of his marvelous light.

He says, Come away with me into a world that you would have never been able to achieve on your own.

Jesus is the one who uproots the foxes of sin and death, the things that quietly destroy and separate you from real relationship with him.

He looked at the foxes, he considered the cost, and he still said it was worth it, it says in Hebrews.

He says, Who for the joy that was set before him, the joy of relationship with you and me, what does he do?

He endured the cross, he despised the shame.

And what did he do?

He is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

But he knew that he couldn't get to earth and rush it.

He knew that he had to wait until the fullness of time.

He knew that he had to take on all of human sin.

He knew that he had to do it at just the proper time.

So he didn't rush his romance with you and me.

No.

Instead, what did he do?

It says in Galatians 4, when the fullness of time had come, what did he do?

He came to redeem those under the law so that we might have adoption as sons and daughters.

Church, let me preach for just a second, please.

You may not be in a season of pursuing or being pursued by somebody on this earth, but can I tell you about the one who knows the number of hairs on your head?

The one who holds the tears of the brokenhearted, the one who saves the Christian spirit, the one who has invited us to call him Abba Father, the one who is near to the Christian spirit and who supplies all of your needs according to his riches and glory.

His name is Jesus.

And he's made himself available to you and to me.

Regardless of your relationship status.

Her friend got word to her, she said, Girl, I just wrote a beautiful piano uh melody, and I want you to hear it.

Will you come check out this melody?

And she says, Of course.

So she she goes over and her friend says, Okay, girl, I'm gonna play.

And she starts playing.

And as she's playing this melody, Fanny is so moved to tears.

She's so moved to emotion.

She's just recounting things in her mind.

And at the end of the song, just an instrumental piano interlude, her friend turns around and she says, Fanny, what does this tune say to you?

And the only thing that she can respond with was this.

She said, Blessed assurance.

Jesus is mine.

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine.

Air of salvation purchased of God.

I've been born of his spirit.

I've been washed in his blood.

That's what that tune reminds me of.

That I am so sure of my salvation in Jesus that when all other ground is shaken, I've never been more glad that I put my faith in Jesus.

Because he's never let me down.

Oh, church, the greatest love story that you'll ever step into isn't one that you find, it's the one that's already found you.

And that's the promise that you and I get to hold on to today, regardless of the stage of relationship we're in.

The only question is, are you ready to do so?

Oh, you can run to Jesus with arms open wide and he'll receive you.

So with every head bowed in the room, for some of you, you have heard this, and foxes have just popped in your heart, left and right, and you know you got to deal with that.

Hey, can I tell you, hey, you can cling to the throne of grace.

Romans 8:1 says, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those here in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1

For some of you, your next step is simply to get in a group.

For some of you, you have been pursued by a heavenly father, and you have not noticed because you have pursued earthly relationship, and today he is calling you to fix your eyes on him.

And to realize the scripture, John 3.16 says, For God so loved the world to get it that he gave his only son, that if you and me would believe in him, then we would not perish, and we would not have to live in eternity separated from a perfected love, but that you and I today could have everlasting life.

You can come to Jesus, friend.

So here's how this moment's gonna go.

I'm gonna pray.

If you're in this room and you know you need a relationship with Jesus, I can give you words to borrow, but you have to mean it in your own heart.

It's very simple.

If you know I gosh, I have missed the most important relationship in my life.

Just say these simple words, and God can make you new.

You'll experience and you'll find a perfected love.

The words are simply says, Jesus, I open up my heart to you.

God, I know that I am a sinner.

I know that you have saved me.

I believe you died on the cross, and I'm choosing to put my faith and trust in you.

Would you come into my life?

Would you make me whole?

Would you be my savior?

Would you be my father?

I give myself to you.

For some of you, your next step is simply to go public in your faith and baptism.

You are pursuing God, but your pursuit is not public.

And God is calling you today to make your pursuit public.

He's calling you today to come out of what is familiar and to run with him in the fields.

Heart abandoned.

Everyone knows you love Jesus.

You can do that today.

Our team is gonna be right up here.

Don't wait.

There's no greater moment to wait.

There's no greater moment to step out of what is familiar and into what God is calling you into.

So I'm gonna pray.

When I pray, we're gonna stand, we're gonna sing a little bit, we're gonna say, God, I trust in you.

You're my savior, you never fail.

And if you need to pray with somebody, maybe it's a family need, maybe, maybe you're in a season of singleness and you are so discontent that you just think God has forgotten about you.

Hey, let us walk alongside you.

That's what the church is for.

Man, what an amazing time that we had today.

Hey, if you know of someone that needs to hear this message, we'd love for you to share that on socials.

We love for you to actually go and check out our socials so you can stay up to date on everything happening in the life of United City.

And if you need to take the next step, we'd love to help you do that as well.

Love you guys so much, and we'll see you next week.