I Do... Now What | Pastor Chris Kouba

Hey guys, just doing a little bit of reconnaissance work.

I got two daughters at my house.

I know that eventually I'm gonna have to deal with this myself.

I'm trying to figure out how much does it cost to do a wedding in the city of Houston?

I got with me here Lily.

Lily, you've been dreaming about your wedding since how long?

Forever.

Forever.

All right.

We're here at the Premier Weddington Bridal.

They have premier wedding dresses.

We're gonna try to figure out how much it is gonna cost me to have a wedding.

Okay, Lily, let's start with this.

So, how much does it cost for the average wedding in the city of Houston?

It can cost around 30,000 to 50,000 on average, but I have friends that it's cost them almost 100,000, and that average moves up to 60,000 pretty often.

60 pretty often.

Yeah.

Okay, so for one day, right?

That's it.

Okay, uh okay, how how how do we get there?

Like, let's talk about the dress.

This is um a dress that hits around 3,000.

So this would be like kind of like the average price dress.

Average.

Yes.

Okay, like, but I'm guessing that means there's some cheaper ones, but then that means maybe there's some more expensive ones?

Yes.

Like how much?

I would say some of our dresses, I think, have been around like 7,000, have even gone up to 10,000 before alteration.

For how many days did we wear this?

One.

But it's a big day.

Okay.

All right.

I have some golf clubs that I just recently bought, and I use them a whole lot.

Like, but this is a lot more than my golf clubs, and you only use them one day.

Okay, so let's talk about we got some other stuff too.

I know that flowers are a thing, right?

So, how much on flowers?

Average is around five thousand.

Five thousand dollars.

So they these are like flowers that like are gonna last forever, right?

Yeah, they only last maybe a week at max.

A week?

Five thousand dollars for flowers for over.

Okay, what lasts longer than a week?

The marriage.

Yes, that's what we're talking about.

Alright, so tell me about the venue.

How much is the venue?

Venues average around 10 to 15 in Houston.

I know my favorite venue, it's about 20 to 25, depending on the day.

20 to 25 for the venue.

Yes.

Okay, uh, I don't know.

Oh my gosh, this is bad.

Okay, so let me see if I can remember what else we got here, like catering, right?

Okay, photographer, videographer, DJ, you gotta have a cake, two cakes, right?

And that's it, right?

And then you have the rehearsal dinner.

Oh gosh, okay, and that's it.

Okay, rehearsal dinner, then what else?

The honeymoon.

The honeymoon, too?

The American wedding industry generates$65 billion every single year.

That's a billion with a B.

Two million weddings happen in this country annually, and the average couple spends somewhere between$30,000 and$35,000 in one day.

Okay, so I think I got it down.

All right, so the dress, six thousand dollars, the flowers, five thousand dollars, the venue, fifteen thousand dollars, then you got catering, photography, videography, DJ, cake, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, about thirty to fifty thousand dollars, right?

Yeah, sounds about right.

Okay, so how much time do people actually spend on the marriage?

I don't know.

That's what I want to talk about.

Well, good morning, 10 o'clock.

How are we doing?

Got two things for you today.

One, I need your prayers, and two, I need your money.

All right, so just want to give you a heads up on that.

Grab your Bible, Song of Solomon, chapter three, Song of Solomon, chapter three.

Today is going to be a day.

Yes, we're gonna talk about the wedding, but really we're gonna talk a whole day about marriage.

In fact, tonight we've got our marriage night.

I hope that you are registered for that.

Uh, it is gonna be an incredible time together.

5 30 is when all the activities and things start.

The actual uh time will be at six o'clock, is when we begin the time together.

Jarrett and Debbie Stevens, very, very close friends of ours, uh are gonna be coming over from Champion Forest Baptist Church and they're gonna be leading it.

And then we're gonna be doing a QA panel to answer questions that you have about marriage.

So I just want to give you the opportunity uh to one, submit those questions.

We're also gonna be doing kind of a live QA.

And so, therefore, if you've got a question that you already know want to ask right now, you can go ahead and check out the QR code and ask those questions.

Or if something comes up along in the message today that you want to ask for some clarification, please make sure to do that.

It's gonna be a great, great investment.

Please make sure that you are planning on being here.

You can register online for that uh event.

Uh, tonight is gonna be a great night, and today is gonna be a great day as we look at Song of Solomon chapter three.

You know, there's only two places in all of the Bible where a wedding is talked about.

You got John chapter two when Jesus uh turns water into wine to keep the party going.

And then you see Song of Solomon chapter three, where it talks to us about the details of a wedding.

Now, I don't get asked to do nearly as many wedding ceremonies as I used to, uh, but whenever I do get asked, I always will say yes, if I can work out the time, the schedule, and all of that, under one condition that you will agree to meet with me about your marriage.

Most people, when they want to set up a meeting with me to talk about their wedding, they're just checking off a box in the midst of all the other, by the way, very expensive boxes that we just saw on the video that show, and I'm just kind of the one of the main things.

Are you gonna be available to speak on that day?

All right.

But what I say, I know they're thinking about the party, the wedding, but I use it as an opportunity to invest in their marriage because what I know is this the wedding is not the finish line.

The wedding is the starting block for the rest of the journey.

It's not the ultimate destination, but we know that what you do at the wedding begins to shape what goes forward in the rest of your relationship as a married couple.

So, what I want to do is I want to talk today about what we can learn about marriage through the lens of a wedding ceremony in Song of Solomon chapter three.

Now, before we get in here, I think we have to establish some ground rules because unfortunately, we can't just assume that we are all on the same page whenever we say marriage.

Because sadly, marriage has been redefined in many, many different ways.

And so I want to make sure and tell you, first of all, three things marriage is not, and then I want to tell you what I believe the scriptures very clearly teach that marriage is all right.

First thing is this marriage is not just the next step after dating, it's not just the next step after dating.

You know, we've been dating for a while, we've been living together for a few years, we even got a kid together.

You think we ought to get married?

I mean, we see this kind of approach as like it's just kind of like, oh yeah, we should maybe do this.

Like it's just kind of the the next thing on the list of all of the things that you do in the progression of a relationship.

And what we find is that people will just kind of fall into love and then fall into marriage.

The problem with that is that you know what you can just as easily do?

Fall out of love and fall out of marriage.

And what we're gonna see is the way that God treats this wedding ceremony, he has a totally different perspective of how important it is, of how significant it is, of how vitally important that it is.

Let me tell you number two marriage is not the cure for singleness.

Marriage is not the cure for singleness.

I know some of you that may be single have been dreading this series, thinking, oh great, here we go again.

Because your assumption is that marriage is the goal, and if you're not married, then somehow something's wrong with you.

Singleness is not a disease, so therefore, marriage cannot be the cure.

Like, please hear me.

If you are single, the Bible actually says you're better off than being in bondage with a marriage.

That's what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

It says that you can do more for the kingdom if you are single than if you're married.

Why?

In fact, we know some of the greatest Christians of all time have been single.

The apostle Paul was single, Jesus was single.

If you read the book of Acts over and over again, you see people who had the most profound impact, these women that are listened over and over again in the scriptures, they were all single.

The goal, if you're a single person, is to run hard after Jesus, like we talked about the very first week.

And if you want to date, you can look to your right or left.

And if somebody's available who's also running the same page that you are, hard after Jesus, then maybe you can go and date.

But guess what?

If there's nobody there and you just have to keep running hard for Jesus, that is the win.

It is not marriage in and of itself.

Marriage will never be able to give you what God can ultimately provide you.

And so, therefore, do not put that expectation on another person.

But instead, you run hard after Jesus and let that be the focus of your life.

Number three, it's so important for us to realize the culture has definitely messed this up for us.

Marriage is not a legal contract or a civil arrangement.

You know, God is the one who created marriage, and so therefore, it's kind of funny trying to watch culture and watch our even our own uh laws try to redefine what it now is, as though somehow like it's theirs to change.

God is the one who put this in place, and so therefore, God is the one who gets to describe it.

But in order to do all of the things that we are now doing in our midst of our culture, is what we've had to do is redefine what marriage actually is in the first place and minimize its importance.

We basically made it signing paperwork.

We basically make it a legal contract or a legal covenant so that you can get the benefits and all that kind of stuff.

But here's what God says: God is the one who's in the midst of all of this, who originated it.

And so, therefore, we've got to see, okay, who is the creator of it?

How do I experience what he made for me to be able to experience?

Which here's then the definition of what marriage actually is.

Marriage is a covenant between male and female before God.

Every word that I just said is intentional.

It is a covenant between a male and a female before God, meaning this a female and a female, that's not marriage.

It's something, but it's not marriage.

Okay, a male and a male, that's not marriage.

It's a male and a female.

And I would argue this, it's even more the best whenever it is a male and a female running hard after Jesus together before God.

Every single word.

It's a covenant, male and female before God.

Now let's look at what the scriptures say.

Uh Malachi chapter 2, verse 14, actually says that God Himself is a witness between you and the wife of your youth.

Malachi 2:14

He's not a spectator, he's in on the party.

Remember John chapter 2, Jesus went and he kept the party going, like he is all about weddings.

John 2 · chapter mention

He's all about it when it's done underneath God's umbrella.

Let's look at Genesis, or excuse me, Song of Solomon chapter 3, beginning in verse 6, which describes the beginning of the wedding ceremony.

Song of Solomon 3 · chapter mention

Okay?

Song of Solomon chapter 3, let's read verse 6.

Song of Solomon 3 · chapter mention

What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all the fragrant powders of a merchant?

He's describing the wedding procession here.

Solomon is coming to get his bride, and the scene is described as columns of smoke rising from the desert.

Now, in the Old Testament world, a pillar of cloud or smoke is not just a weather event, it carries great theological weight.

God has led the people through the wilderness in a pillar of cloud, meaning that literally the smoke would represent the cloud would represent God's presence, and the direction that it was headed was the direction the Israelites would be.

Then it says that they set up a tabernacle, a makeshift temple, and in the temple it was always filled with smoke.

Meaning, this is that the smoke would represent the presence of the Lord.

What he's trying to say in this image is saying this this pillar of cloud and this smoke means this.

At a wedding ceremony, God is there.

God is watching it, God is around.

It is a sacred moment.

This is not just two people making a deal.

This is a covenant being entered into before the living God.

It says there that the cloud or the smoke is perfumed with myrrh and frankincense.

Uh, the specific incense that God told Moses to burn in the presence of the tabernacle, that's what's in the air of the wedding.

The smell of worship.

This is implying two different things.

He's two signals at once.

God is here at the wedding, and this moment is being treated like it belongs to him.

Can I tell you where an amazing worship can break out?

One on a Sunday morning or a gathering of God's people, but it also can happen at a godly wedding.

Like you ever been in one of those godly weddings, and you just kind of know like God is just all over this, and he's blessing this.

And the focus is not primarily on the bride, although no one cares about the groom.

Everybody cares about the bride.

Let's just call it what it is at the wedding, right?

Uh, but but in addition to that, what we see is that at that particular wedding ceremony, it's not all about the groom, it's not all about the bride, it's not all even about the it's about God.

And you see God just kind of blessing this thing.

Look at what the scriptures say next in verse 7 and 8.

It says, Behold, it is the litter of Solomon.

Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh against terror by night.

What you see is that Solomon has sixty men, groomsmen, and they are armed groomsmen with swords on their hip.

They were making open carry cool before Texas got involved, all right.

In ancient Nereus culture, weddings were often like week-long events.

And so, what this is implying is that Solomon shows up because he's traveling to his bride to go pick her up to bring her to the wedding ceremony, and the groom would travel to get her, and Solomon shows up with 60 armed warriors, swords visible, positioned around the carriage.

What is this communicating to the woman whenever he pulls up?

Babe, you're gonna be safe with me.

I'm gonna take care of you.

I'm gonna watch out for you.

I want you to know there is not one thing bad that could possibly happen to you because I got all these guys lined up, ready to take any enemy out.

I'm bringing the full weight of my commitment and my strength to this moment.

You are safe with me.

What you see is Solomon.

He showed his strength through his preparation, through his intentionality, through the message that his arrival sends.

Before the marriage even starts, he's already communicating to her that I am here.

I will protect you.

I am on top of my stuff.

I need you to know this.

I'm taking care of me so that I can make sure to take care of you.

Look at what it says in verse 9 and 10.

King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon.

He made its post of silver, its backs of gold, its seat of purple, its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem.

He thought through everything.

The carriage.

Like how she's gonna get from her house to the wedding, what she's gonna ride in, all of the details.

This reminds me of the time whenever I went to meet with Hillary's dad to go and ask him for his hand of blessing uh in marriage uh to marry his daughter.

Uh, I've been over to their house many, many times.

Ron and Joy are her parents' names, and and I wouldn't have been to Ron and Joy's house many, many times, spent a lot of time with them, so this wasn't uh abnormal, but we kind of knew I knew and and they kind of knew that things were kind of headed towards this direction.

And so I called Ron up and I'm like, hey Ron, can I come see you?

And I was like, What do you want to talk to me about?

I'm like, Ron, I'd really just love to do it in person.

No, let's do it right now with a phone.

I mean, just totally messing with me, which by the way is exactly what I'm gonna do whenever I get that chance one day, no question about it.

Uh and I'm like, Ron, you're just if I can, I just really would like to come see you in person.

And so, yeah, come tomorrow, whatever.

So I remember showing up.

You got to know a little bit about their personality.

So Joy is the most hospitable person I've ever met, Hillary's a mother, except for maybe Hillary herself.

Like it's just she's unbelievable, all right?

So I remember knocking on the door, and Joy answers the door, and she is just beaming, like so excited from the moment that I walk in the door, gives me a big old hug.

It was like I was already in the family.

I mean, it was just, oh my gosh, it's so good to see you.

And Ron's upstairs, and he's like, Joy, you got my gun.

I don't even think Ron owns a gun, all right?

But he was just trying to, you know, and I'm just throwing off my game right there.

Like, you know, I I had an hour and a half drive from Waco up to Dallas.

I've been rehearsing everything that I was gonna say.

He says that comment, which I know it's not even real, but I was just like, oh geez, this is just not good.

And I remember going to sit down, and I sit down with Ron in the front room, and then Joy walks in with this charcuterie board, all with all these snacks, and just sets them all out in here.

I just wanted to give you this, okay?

And she's just being as sweet and incredible as she possibly could be.

And then I start having my speech with Ron.

And I went through the whole thing.

I mean, I had it all rehearsed, I said it all, and then Ron responds and he says, Okay, Chris, I got two questions for you.

So the first question I have for you is, Do you love her?

Do you love Hillary more than anything else?

Yes, sir, I do.

I love her more than anything else.

He said, The second question I have for you is, can you live with joy?

Because whenever you marry Hillary, you get her mom thrown in.

It's like a package deal, all right?

No truer words have been spoken, but I've got the best mother-in-law in the world.

There's no question about that.

Uh and then I said, Well, can I have your hand in marriage?

And and he and he gave me his blessing to go and do that.

Um, I remember though, what I said at that speech.

Because I was rehearsing it.

Because I didn't want to just show up and just hope love was good enough.

I really love your daughter.

I think she's great, I think she's wonderful.

I looked him in the eye and said, Ron, here's the deal.

This is how I plan to provide for your daughter.

I've got school coming up, I'm gonna go to seminary, and then I'm planning on getting into ministry, and this is what I'm planning on doing to try to provide for your daughter.

This is this is my plan going forward.

I've already met with some financial counselors, and this is what I want to do.

I talked with him previously in the midst of the process about, hey, these are the boundaries that I want to set with your daughter in terms of our purity.

And I looked him in the eyes and I said, Ron, as I'm asking you for the blessing for your hand in marriage, I want you to know this.

I kept my promise to you and I did not cross physical boundaries with your daughter.

I need you to know that I honored that.

I told him that I'm gonna get involved in a premarital class whenever I get back to Waco, and I'm planning on doing everything I can.

I know that I want to be fully ready, but I want to be as prepared as possible to walk into this to make sure that I've got the tools necessary to be able to marry and to be able to serve and to be able to be with your daughter.

I gave him all of these various things.

I tell you that, not to say, oh well, look at me.

I tell you that to say because Hillary was worth that.

Like she was that big of a deal to me.

And because of that, it meant that I wasn't just gonna go in there with love.

I was gonna go in there saying, Ron, I want you to know that I treat and love your daughter and see her as valuable to me as you have her whole life.

And because of that, I'm coming in with my act together.

I don't I'm I'm I'm not gonna be perfect and I'm gonna mess up, but I can promise you this I'm gonna do everything in my power to honor this gift that if you will give to me, that I'm gonna be able to receive.

Folks, what I want you to know is that's exactly what Solomon does here.

He comes ready with all of his groomsmen, he comes with the with the carriage already made up.

Why?

Because this girl that he was going to pick up was worth it.

Like she was a big deal.

He treated her with the love and the respect that deserved that kind of preparation of the details.

Look at what it says next in verse 11.

Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon.

With the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart.

What you see here is that his mother, Solomon's mother, crowned him.

This is not putting a crown on his head like it's some kind of political symbol.

It's a crown saying that I'm blessing you.

I'm for this.

I am in on this.

Like I've seen your relationship, I've seen the way you've pursued each other.

And now this mom is saying, Man, I'm absolutely 100% for this.

This is Genesis 2, 24 lived out, which says, A man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife.

She's not saying, Solomon, I am for this, but you better show up for family dinner every Tuesday night.

Folks, some of the problems that folks have in their relationships is they haven't actually left their previous relationship in order to be a part of their new relationship.

And the scriptures are very clear.

The family unit is started when a husband and a wife leave their parents and become united as one.

This is just side notes, not even in my notes.

This is for free.

That family unit is established at your wedding, not the day you have your first child.

You see, too often we simply have to think that the family unit is actually more all about the kids.

The kids are meant to be passing through.

They're not meant to be the point.

The best thing that you could ever do for a husband, or the best thing you could ever do for a wife, is to love their mom, for your kids is to love their mom or to love their dad.

It's not to make them the center of the universe.

Look, I get it, some of you got small kids, you're just trying to survive.

That's great.

Survive, but don't make those kids idols.

Instead, you you pursue your spouse.

That is the main thing that is being communicated in the midst of all of this.

And then look what happens at the end of verse 11.

It says, the day of the gladness of his heart, this whole day is just filled with delight and joy and celebration.

God is not up in heaven just watching two people sign a marriage certificate, being like, oh, this is just okay, good.

God is instead somebody who is celebrating in every way what is happening.

Marriage pursued the right way is one of God's greatest gifts.

We then get into chapter four, and we're gonna, he skips the reception and it goes straight to the wedding night.

We're gonna get into this in detail in two weeks.

Uh, it's gonna be a PG 13 message and it's gonna be awesome.

I just wanted you to know that, all right?

So make sure you're back in two weeks as we get into that.

Here's what I want you to do.

I want to walk out, I want you to walk away with four keys to marriage as a result that we get from looking at the wedding.

Four keys for marriage as a result of looking at the wedding.

Now, if you're married, you get to apply these right away.

If you're single, this means you get to apply these to the person that you're becoming.

Okay?

Let's look at number one.

First key.

Recognize you live under God.

Recognize you live under God.

The first thing that's unmistakable in all of this is that God sees the wedding.

He is present in the cloud, his fragrance is in the air.

It's a sacred moment in the sight of the living God.

When I officiate a wedding, one of the very first things that I do in the welcome section is I will welcome people to the wedding and I will remind them that God is in this place.

God is here, he is watching this.

He is not just uh a box to check so that we can now get to the real stuff.

He is in the midst of every single bit and every single aspect of it.

He's not waiting in the car.

The ceremony is happening in his presence, and a covenant in light of that is being made before him.

Remember what Malachi said.

God is not a guest at the wedding, he's a witness to it, which means this: he remembers what you said, even if you forgot what you said.

Let me explain.

Whenever I do weddings, I also have folks repeat vows to each other.

Now, most people have heard vows so many times you don't think whatsoever about the vows.

Because instead, all you're trying to do in the midst of the vows is just trying to see if they mess up whenever they say the vows, right?

Okay, or if you're in the wedding, you're just trying not to screw up.

And so you're not thinking about what it is that you're saying.

So here's what I want us to do, okay?

What I want to do is I if you are married here today, then I want you to repeat the wedding vows that you said on your wedding day.

If you want, you can even grab the hand of the person that's next to you, all right?

You might get some chapter four later.

I don't know.

It's up to you, all right.

If you're single, here's what I'm gonna ask you to do.

You can just watch this along and read along with us.

Or maybe you've got a movie star or sports athlete or somebody that you've always wanted God to give you the blessing of being married to.

This is your chance, right here.

This is your chance.

You can just put their name in there and you can say it like you mean it and just see if God agrees with it.

All right, it's up to you, all right?

Here's what we're gonna do, okay?

I'm gonna say it just like I would at a wedding, all right?

So I'm gonna say I, Chris, take you, Hillary, and then you guys are gonna say that.

If you say I, Chris, take you, Hillary, that's weird.

Don't say that, all right?

Say your name, your spouses, we'll go from there.

Ready?

Here we go.

I Chris, take you, Hillary.

To be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward.

For better or for worse, for richer or for poor, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.

This is my commitment to you before God now, and this is my commitment to you for all my life.

Okay, what you look at it again.

Not one line says, I'll do this as long as they meet me halfway.

Not one line says, I'll do this as long as I'm satisfied.

Like you're not signing up to be served.

People come into my office all the time and and they want marriage counseling, and not one time has anybody walked in and said, We got a problem.

She's pulling 70% of the weight, and I'm only pulling 30.

Can you help me?

No one's ever said that.

It instead assumes that we're 50-50, and as a result of being 50-50, somebody is off in the equation.

You never signed up for 50-50.

You signed up for 100-zero.

That's what you signed up for.

Which is so important because some of you are rehearsing over and over and over again all the things that they've done wrong instead of all the things that you said before God you would do.

And I'm not saying that it's easy, but I'm saying God's willing to help somebody with that posture that says, Hey, what I signed up for, God, it's gotten a lot harder than I could have ever imagined.

But you know what?

Will you give me the strength?

Will you give me the ability?

Will you give me the forgiveness to be able to do what I signed up for in front of all these family and all these friends, and most importantly, in front of you.

Folks, I want you to see that's the difference between a covenant and a contract.

This is why it says marriage is a covenant between a male and a female before God.

It's not a contract.

I have a contract with ATT for my cell phone coverage.

Okay?

And let me tell you how this contract goes.

Not one time ever has ATT called me to say, I just want to thank you for being one of our customers.

Not one time.

But if I miss a payment on my bill, you know what they're gonna do?

They're gonna call me and remind me that I owe them money.

That's how this thing works.

And if I don't fulfill my end of the contract, then eventually they're gonna cut off my service.

That's how that whole thing goes.

And guess what?

The moment that I find a better, cheaper cell phone coverage, I am bailing on ATT like no tomorrow.

Like I'm out.

Uh not even thinking about it, right?

I'm gonna switch to go to something else.

That's what a contract looks like.

So many people think that they signed up for a contract.

When in reality, you signed up for a covenant, which is so different.

It's a binding before God, regardless of the conditions.

I have a covenant with my wife.

It doesn't mean that I'm perfect at keeping it, but it does mean that I entered into the sight of God who takes it seriously.

And when I live like God is actually watching not only my wedding day, but he's actually watching all of my marriage, man, that changes a whole lot about how I lived my life.

That means that God not only sees what I do on Sunday morning, God not only sees what I do at a marriage night, God also sees what I do on Tuesday afternoon when I'm irritable and have had a rough day at work and then have to come home and deal with all this chaos perhaps at home.

He sees that too.

And those words that you would never want to ever be plastered on a screen and show a video of you saying them to your spouse, God already sees all of those things.

And so we've got to live as though, okay, God's kind of in this whole thing.

Not only in my wedding, but he's also in my marriage.

Number two, second key build a great support system.

Build a great support system.

Look who showed up at the wedding.

60 men armed, committed, willing to fight.

The groomsmen were not there just to basically look good for pictures with matching suits.

The groomsmen were there to actually provide protection for the couple.

Then we see in verse 11 that the family, the mom, is the one who crowns and celebrates their day.

You need both categories for your marriage.

You need friends who will stand with you and not just celebrate you, but protect you.

You need people in your life who are gonna come alongside knowing that we have an enemy who wants nothing more than to take out what God loves.

And what does God love?

God loves a healthy marriage.

He loves it.

It's actually a picture to the world of the relationship between Christ and the church.

And we know we're gonna have outside influences, the culture trying to get us to compare, or temptations that are gonna come up against us that are gonna try to disrupt what God has built.

But you're also gonna have internal situations where you've got two selfish people who are acting selfishly out of the flesh, who are gonna begin to fight with each other.

And as a result of that, the enemy wants nothing more than just to minimize its impact.

What you need is people, the 60 men, the 60 women who are all around you who have this mentality.

They may have struggles, but they're not going down under my watch.

Like I'm gonna do whatever I gotta do to fight to make sure to protect and preserve this relationship.

I'm gonna pull them aside.

I'm gonna pray for them.

I'm gonna pray with them.

I'm gonna speak truth to them.

So often, what I see is that people nowadays are going more towards chat GPT than they are to their church small group.

And let me just tell you something the greatest defense that you can have is your church small group.

It's those people who are doing life with you, who can come and call things out long before it gets to the point of no return.

Unfortunately, what I also see, I've dealt with this with a couple of men even recently in my life, who despite the fact that that group, those men, those 60 armed men, have been speaking into them and telling them stuff and telling them what to do, eventually what happens is is because they stopped listening to the wise counsel that was all around them, they started to choose to go follow people who aren't going to give them the advice that God says.

Let me just tell you something.

If you think that your church, if you think that your small group, if you think people that are looking at God's word are giving you bad information, you can check it with some other wise counsel.

But if that other wise counsel gives you the same thing, you better start listening because I'm just telling you, it's not a good ending.

It's the gift of God coming alongside you with a support system saying, no, we're not gonna do this.

You're not gonna go down like this.

We're gonna fight for this relationship, we're gonna fight for this marriage.

And then look at what happens there in verse 11.

You see a mom who releases them and then blesses them.

Folks, if you've got godly parents, I'm so blessed to both have that myself, and Hillary does as well.

And you've got that kind of covering, man, praise God for that.

You need not only the people to protect around you that are in your small group, but you also need that family who's gonna come alongside of you.

Some of you are thinking, well, I don't really have that family.

Maybe your family isn't alive anymore, maybe your family isn't godly.

That's the beauty of the church.

Because guess what?

You can have a spiritual family who can come alongside of you, and again, their job is just to endorse and to bless and to speak life over you.

If you're a young couple here today, you go find an older couple in your church and just say, Can I take you to lunch?

We want to learn from you.

I've just seen the way that you interact with yourself.

Can we just spend some time with you and just allow it to be a blessing as you begin to see how God can affirm in every way what he's calling you to do?

Number three, third key, take care of the details.

Take care of the details.

Solomon thought about everything: the carriage, the wood, the silver post, purple seat.

He covered the details, what she's gonna travel in, what she's gonna sit in, what the experience would feel like for her.

He's thinking about her comfort and her dignity before the ceremony even starts.

Here's what I see all the time.

You saw all those things that go along with the wedding today, and people spend so much time thinking through every single detail.

They pick out the the cake and what it's gonna taste like, they go through cake testing, they they pick out the the set of who's gonna be invited, the the calligraphy on the invitations, they pick out the napkins, they pick out the names that are gonna be on the napkins as they go, all of these things for a party, and then they stop acting like they don't have to think about details anymore.

You want to know what makes a marriage last and thrive?

The details.

It's thinking about the details, not just for the day, but for the long haul.

It's it's this is providing for each other.

This is more than just physical provision, this is emotional provision.

Are you aware of what's going on in the life of your spouse?

Let me give you some some really good insight.

Ask them.

Ask them what they're thinking about, what they're afraid of, what they're what they're excited about.

This is sexual provision.

We're gonna talk about this again in two weeks.

You pursue each other.

The pursuit doesn't stop at the altar as though somehow I've caught her and then I'm good.

You've heard this phrase before where somebody says, How often do you tell your wife you're a lover?

I told her I love her, and I tell her, I told her I loved her when the day we got married, and I tell her if anything ever changed, I'd let her know.

That's idiotic.

That's stupid.

Like you're better than that.

Speak life over your spouse.

Pursue her.

Hillary and I have a standing date every single Friday for lunch.

For whenever our kids were little, it was Thursday nights after we put the kids down.

I don't tell you that to somehow brag.

I tell you that because that's why I love her today more than I ever have in my entire life.

Because I know my good intentions will never make it on the schedule.

They'll just stay good intentions.

So for us, we have to guard it and make it sacred.

What does it look like for you to pursue your spouse?

To come after her.

Also, you must protect each other, protect each other from outside threats, from things that create temptation, from things that pull each other away from each other, protect each other from yourself.

If you've got a vice, if you've got a pattern, a sin pattern that runs hot, if you've got a financial blind spot, that then you got to get accountability because your unchecked problem becomes your spouse's daily reality.

And it's exhausting.

So instead, protect your spouse from you.

Some of you need to start paying attention again.

You don't have to be detail-oriented by personality.

Too many times we use that as an excuse for laziness.

Instead, you I promise you, you didn't you didn't get your spouse because you weren't detailed.

You got your spouse because she was so valuable, or he was so valuable to the to you that you you figured out how to make it work.

Last thing is this final key to great marriage.

Enjoy married things.

Chapter 4 skips straight to the wedding night.

No reception, no cake cutting, no slideshow of baby photos.

It's just right on.

And what you see is that the language used in chapter four is the same language used of the ceremony.

Joy, beauty, delight.

God didn't design marital intimacy to be a guilty secret, he designed it to be a gift.

And it is, we're going to talk about it for sure, a physical act, but it is so much more than that.

Genesis 2, 24 and 26 says there, or 24 and 25, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

And they were naked and without shame.

That means everything you're thinking of physically.

But it also means emotionally and in every other way.

This other person sees the best and the worst of you.

And it's safe.

It doesn't mean it's perfect, but it allows forgiveness to shape and to cover and rebuild the things that sin breaks down.

Folks, I want you to think about this.

Let me bring it home.

The wedding is the starting block, it's not the finish line.

So if you're married, you made a covenant in the sight of God.

This covenant hasn't expired.

I know some of you were like, I wasn't a believer.

I didn't know all this stuff and I got married.

That's that's that's that doesn't change the fact that you made that covenant before God.

And now what you can do is you you can start over.

Maybe for some of you, what you need to do is you need to go home today.

You need to grab the hand of your spouse and say, Hey, I want I want to go back to the starting block.

And I want to run things the right way.

Start it by tonight, coming to the marriage night together.

Some of you need to rebuild what's been broken.

Some of you need to start paying attention again.

Get your head out of your phone, get home from work, pay attention to the details.

Some of you need to come tonight and invest again in your relationship.

Whatever it is, God who the God who witnessed your vows is still in the room.

And he's not done with your marriage.

If you're single, the work that you do right now is preparation for everything that comes after it.

So become someone of covenant character.

Become someone whose word means something.

Do the quiet, patient work of getting ready and trust in the God who designed marriage to be faithful with the desire that he has placed in you.

Don't rush it, don't cheat it, you be faithful to God.

And for everyone here, underneath all of it, there's a bigger covenant going on here.

God pursuing his people.

God entering into relationship, not because we were worthy, but because he decided to love us anyway.

God in Christ going the full distance, he died on a cross, he rose from the dead to bring us back.

The language of the wedding ceremony is the language of the gospel.

I choose them in sickness and in health, richer or for poorer, it doesn't matter who they are or what they've done, they're mine.

And that language of the gospel is what I want you to receive today.

If you've never entered into a relationship with God, if you've never started that covenant relationship with the God who gave everything for you, I want to ask you to do that today.

Would you all just bow your heads and close your eyes with me, if you would, please?

In just a moment, our team's gonna be up front.

They're gonna be at the bottom of these steps.

Dropping the risers.

If you're ready to make that covenant with God by receiving his son Jesus, would you come forward today?

Let us talk with you.

Let us pray with you.

Let us help you leave here today, knowing with certainty that you've got a relationship with your God.

Maybe you're married and you want to recommit to each other.

Maybe coming forward, maybe receiving prayer together can be a tangible act of that recommitment.

Your way of saying, hey, we're gonna we're gonna go back to the starting block.

We did not do this well to begin with, but we're gonna do it well from this point forward.

Maybe you're single, you want to commit to honoring God with your relationships and your heart from this day forward, is to follow wholeheartedly after Jesus.

Would you come and make that commitment now?

Maybe some of you need to join United City, making this your starting block for church membership.

Would you come?

Would you lead the way?

By doing so, you're gonna encourage others.

Maybe others need to get baptized, showing public expression, like we just saw these two.

It's never too late to follow after Jesus, to be obedient to him.

That's you, would you come?

Maybe others of you just need prayer today.

If your story is, is that you're you're struggling with this.

I know anytime we bring up a marriage and family series or relationship series, it brings up shame and guilt and pain and regret.

We don't want you to live that way.

We want you to live in the grace that God gives.

But it only comes whenever you're honest before Him.

Maybe others of you just need prayer for a relational need, a financial need, a physical need.

We just want you to know that you are not alone.

Father, I pray you'd move in these moments.

Pray God you'd call people to yourself.

Thank you.

Thank you for the grace of God, which covers all of our sins and leads us to change.

In the name of Jesus, that I pray.

Man, what an amazing time that we had today.

Hey, if you know of someone that needs to hear this message, we'd love for you to share that on socials.

We love for you to actually go and check out our socials so you can stay up to date on everything happening in the life of United City.

And if you need to take the next step, we'd love to help you do that as well.

Love you guys so much, and we'll see you next week.