Sermon - Marriage in the Kingdom: "Kingdom Relationships" Series

Every couple stands before the altar, believing they're beginning a great journey.

Something beautiful.

They make promises, they exchange rings, they dream about the future, they even take beautiful photos commemorating the occasion.

But let's get real.

The days of fairy tale-like bliss that can be seen on the screen in front of you, they do not persist forever, even for pastors.

Welcome to the Church of the Lakes Weekly Sermon Podcast.

We're so glad you've joined us and honored to be part of your spiritual journey.

This year, Church of the Lakes is focusing on having a kingdom mindset in all that we do by living counterculturally to the world to become more like Jesus.

Today, Pastor Robbie Stropp continues our sermon series called Kingdom Relationships, which will help us think about how we relate to each other, our spouses, co-workers, families, and others we know and meet.

Today's message is titled Marriage in the Kingdom.

Kingdom marriages reflect the gospel when we submit to one another and love as Christ loves.

And now, here's Pastor Robbie.

Be blessed.

But it is, it's good to be with you.

As we're continuing in our uh kind of summer sermon, end of summer sermon series.

My kids don't like to hear that, but summer's coming to an end.

We're calling it kingdom relationships.

You know, since the beginning of January, we've really been trying to hammer home this theme of what it means to be citizens of God's holy kingdom.

We've discovered all the way back at the beginning of the year, kingdom values going through the Sermon on the Mount.

Remember that?

Way back when?

Then we talked about the power of surrendering to the king.

That was throughout Lent when we did altered.

We talked about kingdom joy with the banner that's hanging right above me as we went through the book of Philippians.

We talked about just two weeks ago as we concluded, kingdom wisdom going through the book of James.

And I think throughout all these sermon series, we've really tried to emphasize that, hey, guess what?

Nothing is off limits from our King, from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

But as we learned in the book of James, it's one thing to say Jesus is King, and aha, it's another to live as Jesus is King.

And whether it's the way uh you relate to one another, way it's the way you relate to your spouse, your children, your friends, your family, I think there's no better way than to dive into relationships than to live out our love for Jesus Christ.

Because the truth of the matter is, is kingdom relationships are different.

Kingdom people don't just believe differently, they relate differently.

And that's why it's so important that we're going through these scriptures over the next couple of weeks.

Pastor Brian and I last week talked about becoming peacemakers in our messiest relationships.

And oftentimes that can only happen when we surrender to the king and we allow his peace to wash us and to give it out of us.

But today's scripture, we're gonna go through Ephesians chapter 5, the end of it, verses 21 through 33, as we're gonna see how kingdom relationships are shaped in our marriages.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

So please follow along up on the screen or in your Bible or on your smartphone as we work through the writings of Paul in Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Start in verse 21.

Here we go.

Paul writes, Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Now hold on to your pants, here we go.

Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior.

Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy, by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.

So as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle, or anything of the kind, yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body.

For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

This is a great mystery.

Oh, yes, it is.

And I am applying it to Christ in the church.

Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband.

Friends, this is the word of God for the people of God.

Praise be to God.

Let us join in an attitude of prayer together this morning.

Oh Heavenly Father, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of all of our hearts, may they be found holy and acceptable in your sight, for you are our rock and our redeemer.

Amen.

You know, I want to show you some pictures this morning, and I have a feeling these pictures are going to get a few smiles.

Some of these hairstyles are to be envied.

Some of the tuxedos are too.

And if we're honest, some of these pictures we're about to see together are gonna show us just how much or how little some people have changed, including their hairlines.

All right, here we go.

Number one, here's Brian and Amy who have been married for almost 39 years.

Anniversary's like 13 days away.

Does that sound right?

Yeah.

39 years, all right.

Pastor Brian and Amy.

Next, Pastor Jared and Meredith, who have been married 22 years.

Then next up is Stephanie and I.

We've been married for 15 years.

And last but not least, Pastor Tony and his lovely wife Alexia.

Good response, Tony.

Way to go, buddy.

I've been married for five years.

I'm gonna stop there, but I thought it would be fun to show some of the wedding photos of those within our faith family who officiate weddings most often.

But here's the thing you know, no one ever walked down the aisle planning to have an ordinary marriage.

No one knows that more than the pastors who actually officiate at weddings.

Okay?

No bride thinks, ah, I hope in 20 years we're just roommates.

No groom thinks, I can't wait to keep score.

Stop talking to each other and just coexist.

Every couple stands before the altar, believing they're beginning a great journey.

Something beautiful.

They make promises, they exchange rings, they dream about the future, they even take beautiful photos commemorating the occasion.

But let's get real.

The days of fairy tale-like bliss that can be seen on the screen in front of you, they do not persist forever, even for pastors.

Good answer, Tony.

For any of you who are married, certainly know that after the wedding, the next day comes, and then the next, and then the next.

Look, marriages are hard work, rewarding work when done properly, but extremely hard work.

Paul tells us that marriages are only sustained really by thousands of daily decisions to love another person.

Please note, Paul doesn't tell us in Ephesians 5 how to throw the greatest wedding that was ever invented.

No.

He tells us how to have a gospel-shaped marriage.

Okay, so let's dig deep this morning.

Let's dig deep.

He's gonna tell husbands and wives how we are to work hard, and the result is gonna be this spirit-filled marriage that is going to last a lifetime.

Now, some of you, you may have looked at the uh sermon outline this morning and saw the topic, and then you said, uh, great.

Here's a sermon that doesn't apply to me.

Here's a sermon that's never gonna apply to me.

And I get that to some extent.

I want to be uh not flippant about that, but let me make my plea as to why marriage is a really important topic for everybody in this space, no exceptions.

Whether you're married, single, divorced, widowed, too young to marry, or never plan on getting married, this message is gonna apply to you.

Here's why.

At its root, marriage is God's living picture for Christ's love for the church.

Paul says it in his summary of Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

He writes this he says, I am applying it, that is that is marriage, to Christ and the church.

All right, therefore, therefore, with that in mind, understand understanding marriage at a deeper Christ-like level, it's gonna help all of us, all of God's people, to better understand the gospel message and the relationship that we have with our Lord and Savior.

Paul, who's the master of the run-on sentence, if you didn't catch this morning, he gives us some incredibly important parallels between marriage and the church.

All right?

And I want to, because it's a giant run-on sentence and he throws pronouns in there, I wanted to clarify some things about the passage I just read in verses 25 to 27.

Take a look at this as we kind of build it out when we put in the actual noun instead of the pronoun.

Paul writes, Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for the church, in order to make the church holy by cleansing the church with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church, he finally didn't use the pronoun she or her there to himself in splendor without a spot or a wrinkle or anything of the kind.

Yes, so that once again the church may be holy and without blemish.

He's using the parallel of marriage to tell us about how our relationships on earth also can work in the kingdom of God.

My point is, a biblical understanding of marriage is vital for everyone to understand the gospel.

And it's vital to us to be able to understand the very core of all relationships, kingdom relationships.

Therefore, let's look at how Paul puts and knits together this spirit-filled, gospel-centered marriage in Ephesians 5.

Number one, he says, We learn often from marriage that submission reflects Christ.

Therefore, we're called, as Paul writes in verse 21, to submit to one another.

Now, if there's anything I've learned in 15 years of marriage, it's that word choice is really critical.

And oftentimes I fail horribly at that.

But using words like what I read, be subject, or in other translations say, submit to anyone, especially to a spouse.

It's really not in vogue in our current world or culture, is it?

And yet, you know what Paul writes here?

No matter what translation, like the NRSV I wrote I read, he said, be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

And there's that NIV and NLT, submit to one another out of reverence of Christ.

ESV, submitting to one another out of reverence of Christ.

Even the good old King James submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Submission is everywhere in Ephesians 5.

And I hate to admit that our world has kind of ruined that word.

It's an ugly word in our culture.

Submission gives us the imagery of weakness, of feebleness, of softness.

And these verses, I get it, they can be triggering in a world that misunderstands what's at the root of the submission that Paul's writing about.

In fact, you know, just to hammer home the point a little bit, I've officiated uh about a dozen weddings or so, and I've had multiple couples insist that this verse be nowhere near their wedding.

They want nothing to do with it because they don't understand submission in the name of Jesus Christ.

But I want to push us this morning, friends.

Submission in marriage actually can be a good thing.

It reflects Christ-like love with a specific purpose.

Because Christ-like submission, friends, it can transform a marriage.

It really can in a relationship.

For example, I want to give you an illustration.

Participation time, show of hands.

How many people have heard a band or an orchestra perform before?

Show of hands, let's see it.

All right, good.

I wanted lots of hands up.

Now I don't care if it was a middle school band or the world-class Cleveland Orchestra, okay?

The most amazing part of watching any band, group of musicians that are banded together is their unique ability to submit to one person, the conductor.

Now, every willing participant of a band, a musician, has this unique ability to play independently.

And they typically do it exceptionally well, especially as you climb the ladder of success as a musician.

Musicians are often taught independently, are they not?

They try out for the orchestra or the band independently.

They practice at home independently.

But if they show up for the performance and each person insists on doing their own thing independently, the result?

Sheer chaos.

The beauty of music, which I think we all know at the depths of our soul, is what happens when every musician willing submits, willingly submits to the conductor and watches the baton, right?

Mind you, submission doesn't suppress their talent, does it?

Or their voice.

It allows their talent to contribute to something far greater than any independent performance ever could.

And guess what?

Marriage, it works in the same way.

That is when we submit to one another in the name of Jesus Christ.

Submission does not mean losing your identity or your independence.

It's not a sign of weakness.

Rather, it's choosing to love intentionally in harmony for the benefit of another, once again, in the name of Jesus.

Submission, it is not inferiority like our world wants us to believe.

All right.

And if I could stay on my soapbox just for a little bit longer, let me remind you that Jesus submitted to his Father in heaven.

We just said it as Amy led us in our prayer.

Matthew 6, all the way back, the Sermon on the Mount, we learned the Lord's Prayer, in which Jesus prayed, Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

That's submission, friends.

And again, in the hours before Jesus was to be tortured, crucified, killed, friends, he prayed in the garden.

What a similar prayer.

He echoes that from Matthew 6.

He says, Father, if you are willing, remove this cup for me.

Yet not my will, but yours be done.

Friends, that's that's that's submission.

Jesus submitted and yet remained fully God.

So maybe, just maybe.

Submission doesn't have to be such a bad thing, does it?

Look, submission in marriage doesn't mean that you get trampled on, doesn't mean that you get pushed to the side or steamrolled.

No.

Submission at its core is about divine order.

It's listening to the one who orders and knits everything together as intended.

And guess who that is?

It's our Lord, it's the King.

Which brings us to Paul's second point in Ephesians 5.

He tells us that marriages thrive when we sacrifice as Christ sacrificed, specifically for the church.

You know, with the foundation of submission, the submission that is Christ-like in nature, and then we are to love one another as Christ loved us.

Paul writes this: he says, husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Now, we gotta be careful here, all right?

Because when we read these scriptures, oftentimes we can think of this solo operation that is marriage, right?

And that we're only supposed to love our spouse in that sacrificial way.

Paul doesn't say that, does he?

He says Christ loved the church universal and gave himself up for her.

Look, love isn't only about serving your spouse, it's about serving all people with a Christ-like spirit.

However, it just so happens that couples have the most frequent opportunities to serve each other because of their proximity to one another, right?

What I want you to do is I want you to think of it this way.

You know, as a parent of three, Stephanie and I, we taught our kids to some success a little bit, how to say please and thank you at the dinner table, right?

Now, we didn't teach them how to say please and thank you so that they only reserved to use it within the walls of our house or within our family.

No, no, no.

We taught them these habits so that when they go out into the world, they can use them over and over and over.

Again, in the same way, God teaches husbands and wives to love, to submit to one another, to sacrifice for one another in such a way in marriage so that out of the overflow, guess what?

We can submit and love to all people, right?

Love, submission, and sacrifice do not only belong in a marriage, however, it's the place where you get the most frequent opportunity to do so, right?

Hear me.

Marriage isn't the only place where we are called to sacrifice.

However, it's one of the closest places we choose to do so, right?

And that type of love, the type of love that Paul talks about, is one that is self-sacrificial.

He says Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

This isn't a love that is shallow, like when I say I love the Cleveland Browns.

This isn't a love that is self-serving, like I say when I love to run.

It's a love that is deep and as wide as Jesus' arms spread on the cross.

It's a loving love that is willing to give it all for the benefit of another.

It's a love that heals, a love that restores, a love that gives second, third, and umpteenth chances.

And yet, you know, and the reality of looking at Paul's writings on submission and self-sacrifice and love, you know what, friends?

I bet in a moment of self-reflection, if we think about our own closest relationships, marriages, or otherwise, I guarantee you, every husband in this room, you have failed to submit and love perfectly, as Paul writes about.

Every wife, guess what?

I'm gonna say to you, you've probably failed to submit and love perfectly like Christ.

So where does that leave us?

As we look at a passage like this and go, what are we supposed to do so that it actually makes a difference?

I think it leaves us exactly where every Christian belongs, friends.

And that's at first, at the foot of the cross.

Jesus never, ever fails his bride, the church.

Our marriages are not supposed to be the saviors of all of our relationships.

Rather, they point to a savior who gives us the example of perfect love.

The good news is the gospel isn't what we're supposed to ingest internally and then spit out love.

No, instead, it's something that is given freely to us, and in that Christ loved us perfectly.

We don't stand before God this morning because we've reflected Christ perfectly in our marriages.

No, we stand before God because first Christ loved us, he forgave us, and then he transformed us more and more with each passing day into his likeness.

So, with that in mind, how could we not allow Christ to transform who we were becoming?

So that way we can be a more loving wife, a more loving husband, a more loving.

Coworker, a more loving neighbor.

Marriage, though, in its closest, succinct element, is not about choosing to sacrifice for each other.

It's about reflecting that love of Christ in which he shows us to sacrifice for another.

It's done from a power that is far superior to anything that's found in this world, and that comes from God alone.

That's the power of the Holy Spirit.

But you can do some practical things.

You know, after only being married for 15 years, I was feeling a little bit insecure about preaching in front of all of you who have some many more longer moons of marriage than I do.

So I went to the man to give me some advice to help share a little bit who has been married for almost 39 years and is married to one of the most loving and kind people that's in this room right now, and that's Miss Amy.

I went to Pastor Brian, and he shared with me a little bit of advice, an acronym really, that is going to help make marriages practically last a lifetime.

Here's the acronym last stands for listen, apologize, support and admiration, and touch affectionately.

It's a way to remember that real sacrificial love, guess what?

It listens.

It emits when it's wrong and takes ownership.

It supports with words and physical presence, like holding hands during a walk.

You know, one day I hope to be able to say, I've been married 39 years, like Brian and Amy with my wife.

Now, I envision myself on a front porch with a rocking chair because 25 more years my back is gonna be full on mess by then.

So sitting sounds good to me.

But you know, Stephanie and I, we're not gonna make it another 25 years because we never argued.

We're not gonna make it there because we did everything perfectly or because we got everything right.

No, that's pie in the sky.

That's a different type of love that comes from a Hallmark movie, I think.

But instead, you know why we're gonna make it?

It's because we learned the love of Jesus Christ intimately into our souls, and it overflowed out of us, and it happened to overflow to the person who's closest to me in my life.

So do me a favor this week.

If you reflect on your marriage and you look at this acronym and you think, I'm gonna do just one more thing this week, to listen instead of interrupt, to apologize instead of getting defensive and defending, that you can encourage instead of criticize, or reach out to hold a hand when you're walking together in a neighborhood.

Friends, this is an image of how we submit to one another in reverence of who?

Of Jesus Christ.

Can we pray together?

Only Heavenly Father, we're so grateful for the gift of your Son who went before you and went to the cross, who died for the forgiveness of sins, and in that example, we see what true love costs, what true love looks like, and how we are supposed to reflect that in our world.

Lord, to those who are closest to us now, help us to picture them in our mind and think of how we can best display the love of Christ to another.

For we certainly don't and are not called to live this life alone.

We are called to live by breathing life into one another as Christ breathed life into the church through the Holy Spirit.

Lord, we call for you to empower us now to be able to express love, uh your love, in just in an expressive, holy way, in a way that is safe, a way that is not domineering or dominant, but instead that is self-sacrificial in nature.

Lord, we come to worship you this morning because you are good, you are great, and you give us your life.

In Jesus' name we come.

Amen.

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