The Empty Chair | Pastor Jason Mick

Excellent.

My name is Jason Mick, and I just want to extend on behalf of Pastor Chris.

Is welcome and myself just welcome to United City Church.

And especially for all of you who are tuning in online, joining us from remote or even perhaps from one of our correctional facilities via the Pando app.

Church Family in the room, can we just welcome those who are online and tuning in today?

It is a joy to have you in the house with us.

I'm gonna invite you to open up your copy of God's Word, your Bible to 2 Samuel, 2nd Samuel chapter 15.

And if you are one of our new kindergartners who just got your Bible, I did some homework for you.

It's page number 435.

Page number 435.

And for the adults, look at your table of contents.

It's okay.

Also, if you've been a part of this series with us in our King's Table series, uh we've uh offered up journals for you to be able to take notes.

Today you might be here for the very first time.

Welcome.

Uh, we want to put a journal in your hand.

That way you can take notes.

If you just hold up your hand, indicate to us that you need a journal.

We've got some people who are gonna walk around and pass those out to you.

You're gonna want to open those up to page number 12.

Page number 12.

Now, throughout this series, we've been using this image, if you will, of a table, a king's table, and been asking the basic question.

Who is sitting at your table?

Who's sitting at your table?

And we left off last week where we looked at David and the chair that was filled by Saul.

The people who are sitting at your table, these are people who help shape you.

These are people that speak into you.

These are people that have your ear or have influence in your life.

But this week, this week is different.

This is the week where we look at our table and we look at the chairs and we see the chair in which we wish somebody was in.

It's an empty chair.

It's an empty chair that symbolizes that there used to be a relationship, used to have a friendship.

There used to be trust.

There used to be ongoing conversation.

There was a closeness.

But somewhere along the way, something happened.

Maybe something along the way didn't happen.

Maybe you know exactly what it was.

Maybe there was a moment, words were said, trust was broken, someone got hurt.

Maybe it wasn't just one dramatic moment.

Maybe it was a series of small events over time that led up to moments of distance.

It's a conversation that never happened, a hurt that was never addressed, an apology that was never extended or given or received, a phone call that kept getting placed on the back burner, and slowly the chair became empty.

So, how does somebody who used to sit at your table end up missing from it?

That's the story of David and one of his sons, Absalom.

And this story gives us a warning that I want us to carry today, and I want you to write it down.

It is in your journals, but the main point of today is this is that leaders who ignore relational health will experience and eventually feel pain.

Leaders who ignore relational health eventually feel relational pain.

And when we say leaders, we're not just saying CEOs, bosses, presidents, pastors.

If somebody looks to you, trusts you, follows you, listens to you, works with you, you have influence.

And if for nothing else, if none of those are true, you lead yourself.

Every single one of us have influence.

Every single one of us are leaders.

Today, David is going to show us what can happen when we are courageous in the outside world and incredibly, incredibly passive with the people closest to us.

Before we get to Absalom in chapter 15, we need to remember where David has been and spend a few moments in the context leading up to 15 and eventually in 18, where we'll be today.

David has experienced incredible key moments of success.

He has defeated Goliath.

He has survived Saul.

He has united the kingdom together.

He's won a lot of battles.

In 2 Samuel chapter 11, we see David commits adultery with Bathsheba and eventually has her husband killed on the front line.

2 Samuel 11 · chapter mention

That's another message.

You're going to have to come back for that one.

David repents, God forgives, but that did not leave David void of the consequences of his sin.

And in chapter 12, Nathan reminds David that his sin will have a ripple effect throughout his household.

In chapter 13, that's exactly where we see David's family spiraling and ripping apart.

A massive family conflict and tragedy occurs.

The Bible says that David is angry.

But what the Bible doesn't record, it infers, is that there was no meaningful action.

So David sees this tragedy, he's angered by it, but there's no confrontation, no conversation, no justice, no restoration, there's only plain passivity by David.

And guess who's watching?

Absalom.

Absalom's watching his son do nothing.

Absalom decides if my father's not going to do anything, I'm going to seek revenge and justice and put it into my own hands.

And he has someone murdered.

He then flees for three years.

Three years.

I'm going to give you guys a few more numbers.

If you're taking notes, we'll do some quick math in a moment.

Eventually, David allows Absalom to come back to Jerusalem, but doesn't want anything to do with Absalom.

So Absalom, he's home, but he isn't really home.

He's near his father, but there's no restored relationship.

And guess what?

You're writing down numbers.

Two more years have now passed.

Two more years.

Let's do some quick math.

Two years after the incident took place, three years in exile, two more years in Jerusalem without seeing his father's face.

My quick math tells me that's seven.

Seven years of unresolved pain.

Seven years of distance, seven years of conversations that needed to happen, and seven years of things left unaddressed.

Seven years.

Tragedy.

Conflict.

Not addressed.

Here's one of the warnings David's story gives us that I want you to write down.

What we refuse to face will fester.

What we refuse to address will address us.

We sometimes convince ourselves that if we leave something alone, if we just leave it long enough long enough, things will settle down.

And time does do that.

But if we believe that time itself will just take care of it and everybody will move on, we're mistaken because unresolved relationship pain rarely stays contained.

It grows, it travels, it shows up somewhere else.

And for those two years, David and Absalom aren't across the country from each other.

They're in the same city, which means you can be close to somebody and still be miles apart relationally.

You can live in the same house and be distant, sit at the same table and be distant, work in the same office and be distant.

Proximity is not presence.

Proximity is not presence.

Eventually, what David has left unresolved inside of his family is going to affect an entire kingdom.

What he doesn't face in his family is now going to impact the entire kingdom.

And this is where we find ourselves in the thick of this narrative in 2 Samuel 15.

This is where we see Absalom, where he begins positioning himself at the city gate.

He gets up early, he goes and he goes down to the gate to meet and to listen, to hear their disputes and their problems.

He listens to them.

Absalom, he validates them.

He makes them feel seen.

And then scripture gives us a haunting sentence in verse 6, chapter 15, verse 6.

So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.

Slowly, one person at a time, one conversation, one heart at a time.

Now understand, Absalom is not the hero in this story.

He's not the hero.

Absalom is guilty of being manipulative, deceptive, ambitious, and he's chasing after his father's throne.

And the sobering reality is that there was a relational vacuum that was formed and shaped, and Absalom stepped right into it and he launched this coup.

Look at verse 13 with me.

And a messenger came to David saying, The hearts of the men of Israel have gone after Absalom.

David would respond to this, and it says, Arise and let us flee.

Think about how far this is traveled.

How did we get to this place?

Because what has begun as an unresolved pain inside David's family now is causing civil war in the kingdom.

And the same king who faced Goliath, who defeated the giant, is now fleeing his own city of Jerusalem because of his own son.

Chapter 15, verse 30.

Says David went up to the ascent of the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went, barefoot and with his head covered.

This is the mighty warrior.

This is King David weeping and barefoot.

At this point in time, David, he's feeling shame.

He's feeling guilt.

This reminds us that leaders who ignore relational health eventually feel relational pain.

It's easy to look at David and say, man, he absolutely blew it.

And he did.

He did.

But I have a great question for us this morning.

How do I have relational health?

How do you and I have relational health?

How do we not just have it?

How do we either find it, build it, and grow it?

How do we have relational health?

How do I and how do you keep the chairs that God has entrusted to me from slowly becoming empty due to passivity?

I think David's story gives us three things that I want you to write down.

The first is this number one, face what matters.

Face what matters.

David could face the giant, he could face the armies and the enemies.

But when the battle moved inside of his own family, David didn't just become passive in that moment.

David's passivity was revealed.

And men, if you and I will recall the story back in Genesis, this was an Adam problem, too, that his sin of omission and his sin of passivity was an issue even in the garden when Eve went for the fruit.

Adam could have said, That's not the move.

Lock in, fam.

He didn't do it.

He was passive.

And I wonder while we weren't in the garden, how many of us struggle with this today?

Where we're courageous in the outside world but passive in our own inner circles.

We win at work, but we fail at home.

And can I just lovingly tell us, if we win at work and in our jobs but fail at home, we lose.

But man, we shy away from that difficult conversation with our spouse.

Y'all know what I'm talking about.

Y'all had that blow up yesterday and there's tension.

You're like, your wife is like, why don't you lead out and talk about this?

I don't want to.

You know what I'm talking about.

Guilty.

I know I ain't just preaching about me today.

We'll fight for something online that won't matter three days from now, but we bypass and we're passive about conversations that could impact generations.

Y'all been on those Facebook groups?

Y'all wild.

We're quick to solve everybody else's problems and avoid the tension in one of our closest relationships.

Relational health requires courage.

I want you to write down that word courage.

Courage.

Men.

When men become courageous, it will stiffen the spines of other men.

This is where we got to lean in for a moment.

We can't accept passivity.

The moment that we choose passivity, life will pass you by.

Men.

It doesn't mean that we're afraid.

It doesn't mean that we have all the answers or some of the solutions.

I think the enemy has got some of you paralyzed with passivity because you sit idly by going, well, I just don't know what to do.

Take courage.

Face what matters today.

What we refuse to face.

It will fester.

I want to make this really practical.

Some of you already know what it is that perhaps is a layer of passivity in your life.

Something you've been avoiding.

There's that tension in the marriage.

There's something going on with one of your kids.

There's a friendship or relationship that's changed.

There's something between you and a coworker or a boss.

There's a conversation, students, with your parents or a sibling.

You just keep postponing.

And you're hoping time will do something that God may be asking you to address.

Sometimes love and facing things looks like having simple, profound conversations.

Saying something along the lines of, can we talk?

question mark.

Can we talk?

My wife is 4'10 and 3'4.

She's tiny but mighty.

And when Aaron approaches me with the question, can we talk?

I mean, it's just like my mom saying my middle name.

And I'm, oh, this, oh, okay.

Can we talk?

What you want talking about?

You know I know what she wants to talk about.

I'm like, do we really have to address it?

Can we talk?

Saying things like, I think something's changed between us.

What about owning something?

I know I hurt you.

Men, write these three words down.

Help me understand.

We are prone naturally, we just want to fix it.

And we may know what she wants to say, but she doesn't need us to say it.

She wants us to listen.

Help me understand.

We don't know what we don't know, men.

Help me understand.

Men, lean in and listen.

That's a gift.

Lay down our pride and say things like, I was wrong.

I was wrong.

When's the last time you looked at someone and said, Will you forgive me?

It's easy to say, they should forgive me.

When's the last time you said, Will you forgive me?

Are we okay?

We good.

Don't confuse the absence of conflict with relational health.

Don't confuse the absence of conflict with relational health.

And some of you, you're like conflict adverse.

You're like, I don't like it, I'm a peacemaker, I don't want nothing to do with it.

Someone over there, do you have the hard conversations?

I'm not telling you to be weird and go pick fights with people and just go find conflict.

That's not what I'm telling you.

What I am encouraging you to do is that when conflict arises, and we're all sinners.

And if you don't think you're a sinner, you're a liar, you just sinned.

We're all sinners.

And conflict exists because we're all fallen, sinful people.

And because of that, we have to address things in truth, in grace, in love.

David and Absalom went years, years without addressing this, without talking face to face.

They weren't healthy, they were distant.

Face what matters.

How do we have relational health?

Write this down.

Number two, practice intentional presence.

Practice intentional practice.

We talk about practice.

And we talk about a game.

We're not just talking about practice for the sake of practice.

We got to learn how to practice perfect so that what shows up is real.

Man, this is where the story gets so real for me.

Many of you know I have four kids.

I've heard one of them say, if not all of them say, at some point in time, this phrase or something close to it, Dad, you're on your phone a lot.

I can give reasons, I can give excuses.

I'm communicating, I'm answering emails, I'm making important decisions, I'm doing the Lord's work for the church.

And sometimes I'm just guilty of scrolling.

I realized many things.

One thing in this particular category, just below the surface of intentions, is that my kids don't experience my intentions.

They experience my attention.

I love my kids.

Nothing I wouldn't do for them.

But I want them to experience my love through experiencing my attention and affection and presence with and for them.

Most of this can happen in just ordinary moments.

The car rides to school, from school from an activity to an activity, the time around a dinner table.

Can we just bring that back in our culture?

Quality time.

Protective family time.

The evening conversation after we're wrangling kids to do homework and get in the bath.

And did you really use soap?

And you know, have you brushed your teeth?

And you're like, it's past your bedtime, but your kids just want 10 more minutes.

Kids don't take advantage of this.

And we just linger for a moment and we're not distracted.

We put these down and we put them away.

And when they ask a question, we lean in to say, tell me more about that.

And when they start talking about something, you're not dismissive, but you're saying, help me understand.

In those ordinary moments, they can experience our attention.

Y'all know, listen, I have not got this figured out.

This message has been beating me up for weeks, and I need this too.

I just I don't want to be available for everybody else at the cost of those who know me best and have relationships with me, not to get my best.

They don't need to get the leftovers.

Your inner circle, they don't need leftovers.

I need to be more intentionally present and focused.

Parents, let me just say this.

I'm not saying all this to you to just bury you in guilt.

Our kids don't need perfect parents.

Mine don't have them.

What they need are parents who turn towards Jesus and turn towards them.

You don't have to be perfect.

You do have to be intentional.

This isn't only aimed at parenting, folks.

This could be your spouse, it could be friends.

People in your life group need your intentional presence.

The people you lead need more than your decisions.

Sometimes they just need your attention.

Some of you, you've got aging parents, and they need your presence.

Somebody sitting across the table from you made you need you to stop fixing, stop talking, stop checking your phone, and just listen.

Proximity is not presence.

Proximity is not presence.

How do I have relation relational health?

Write this down, number three.

Speak while there is time.

Speak while there is time.

Eventually, Absalom's rebellion, it leads to war.

David's forces, they go out and they fight.

And before they leave, listen to this one thing that David says about Absalom.

Fast forward to me with me in chapter 18, verse 5.

Couple chapters over.

2 Samuel 18, verse 5.

2 Samuel 18:5

David says, Deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom.

After everything that's taken place, David still loves his son.

There's still an unconditional love of the father for his son.

Love was never the question.

Love was never the issue.

The tragedy is that for years David's love didn't move him toward Absalom.

During the battle, Absalom is caught in a tree, and Joab finds him and reports back to David that Absalom has been killed.

And David, he asks the question of the messenger, Is it well with the young man Absalom?

And he tells him that he is past.

Look at verse 33, chapter 18, verse 33.

After finding out this news that his son had died.

And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept.

And as he went, he said, Oh my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom.

Would I have died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son.

Five times.

My son.

This isn't just King David talking anymore.

This is David the dad.

David has won battles.

He's won this battle.

But he just lost his son.

The chair is empty.

All the conversations that could have happened, that never happened, all the words that could have been spoken, but never spoken, all the years of distance, and now there's no conversation left to be had.

The chair is empty.

David finally says everything, says, My son, my son, if only I could have died instead of you.

He says it all, but what's the issue?

Absalom is not there to hear it.

David begins calling out, crying out, longing for his son.

But Absalom doesn't hear it.

This is where I want to challenge us.

Don't wait for grief to speak.

Don't wait.

Don't wait for those moments.

Oh, I wish I would have said.

I wish I could.

I should.

What is Jesus calling and leading you to do and say today?

Go do it.

What is it that God is prompting you to leave passivity and to walk in obedience and faithfulness to do?

Listen, folks, friends, men, women, boys, and girls, whatever it is that Jesus is telling you to do, go do that thing.

And if you know what he's telling you to do and you don't do it, that's called passivity.

That's what we're dealing with.

You say, well, that's uncomfortable.

That's awkward.

Lean into the awkward so we can get to the awesome.

We can see the reconciliation.

We can see the healing.

We can see the forgiveness.

We can see the grace of God.

I don't want to grie someday to say what love could say today, and I don't want that for you either.

I want you right now to think of perhaps an individual or a situation that that would be like your seven-year relationship.

Maybe it's been seven years, seven months, seven weeks, seven days, seven hours.

I don't know.

What's your situation?

Who's that person?

Maybe write down a first name, write down the situation.

You used to talk, you used to be close, used to be in your group, used to be someone that you called and spoke with and hung out with.

They used to have a seat at your table.

And something has happened.

What's their name?

Where there is still opportunity, let me encourage you.

Don't waste it.

Maybe there's a conversation you need to have this week.

Have it.

Do it.

Maybe you need to say, I love you, I'm proud of you.

I miss you.

I forgive you.

I'm sorry.

Will you forgive me?

Can we talk?

Speak while there is time.

Life is but of a mist.

And we're not promised tomorrow, folks.

For some of us, we don't need one dramatic conversation.

What we need is a new pattern of intentional presence.

Practicing and being more disciplined and active, attentive, caring.

Relationships rarely, rarely just fall apart in one moment, though they certainly do.

Relationships will tether because certain things are not strengthened one thing at a time.

Things fall apart.

But in the reverse, relationships can be built one small act at a time.

They are built through consistency and time.

Rome wasn't built in a day, but it was built every day.

Build consistency in the daily.

Build consistency in the ordinary.

David's story is filled with acts of absence.

But what if your life, what if my life is marked by intentional acts of presence?

What if the Church of Jesus Christ was known for actively stepping in and engaging into the mess like Jesus has stepped into ours?

Before we leave David weeping over Absalom, there's something in his cry we cannot miss.

David says, Would I had died instead of you?

Think about what he's saying.

I wish I could trade places with my rebellious son.

I just wish I could trade places with him.

And the reality is that David couldn't.

David can't.

He cannot undo what has happened.

He cannot take Absalom's place.

But generations later, there was a king that came from the line of David who could, and his name is Jesus.

A better king.

David wished he could take the place of his rebellious son.

Jesus actually took your place and my place.

David cried, If only I could die instead of you.

At the cross, Jesus did.

He did.

Folks, that's why this message is not just simply put, well, you know what?

I'm going to go home and be better at relationships.

I think that's a great mindset.

But there's something beyond that surface level thought, too.

Because we need more than just relational techniques.

We need the grace and the strength and the forgiveness of God.

If we're going to be courageous men, we've got to address our passivity head on, address it, surrender it, and say, Lord, help me where I'm weak.

Lead me where I lack.

I don't want to be a champion out there and be a loser here, where it matters most.

Every single one of us, we've been the distant one.

Every one of us has sinned.

Every one of us have rebelled against God.

And as Pastor Chris was telling our kindergartners, isn't it beautiful that you can tell small children with a childlike faith, even the simple, powerful, profound word of the gospel that God showed, that God demonstrated his love for us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

That is God actively moving towards you and me.

While we were far away, God moved.

While yet we were still sinners and rebellious, God moved towards us.

While we were guilty of our sin, God moved towards us.

Jesus doesn't love us from afar.

Jesus loves us and he's near.

And because through Jesus, because of the finished work of the cross, because the tomb is empty, death, hell, and the grave have been defeated.

We too can extend and walk towards people.

And we move towards people because our King moved towards us.

Let me ask the question one more time.

So how do we have relational health?

We're going to be people who face what matters.

We're not going to bury our heads.

We're not going to pretend.

We're going to practice presence because we understand that proximity is not presence.

We're going to speak while there's time.

We're not going to wait for grief to say what love could say today.

And today, I'm exhorting you to not just write down the name of the person or the situation that is your seven-year and do nothing about it.

I'm encouraging you to write it down.

Pray about it.

Now go do something about it.

Lean into the awkward so we can experience the awesome.

What's the awesome?

The grace of God.

Perhaps so that the relationship that needs to get restored isn't a horizontal one on this side of eternity.

Maybe it's a vertical one with God.

Maybe today, while we've been asking the question, who's sitting at your table?

The most vital, the most important, and the one that hinges on where you and I spend all of eternity is are you sitting at God's table?

There's a place for you.

The invitation is extended to you.

You don't have to be the wandering, rebellious, lost individual anymore.

You can come home, take a seat, be saved, be redeemed, be made new, be redeemed, be restored.

And welcomed to the Father's Table.

Man, what an amazing time that we had today.

Hey, if you know of someone that needs to hear this message, we'd love for you to share that on socials.

We'd love for you to actually go and check out our socials so you can stay up to date on everything happening in the life of the United City.

And if you need to take the next step, we'd love to help you do that as well.

Love you guys so much.

We'll see you next week.