Ride or Die | Pastor Keith Pittman

Welcome to the Celebration Church Orlando podcast.

Thank you so much for listening today.

We hope it encourages you and inspires you.

Here's today's message.

We're gonna now get into uh the word.

So if you have your Bibles, I want to invite you to go ahead and um and to get those out.

I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and um I'm gonna go ahead and and apologize now.

I'm sorry, but not sorry.

Um and and and here's why I really believe um hold on guys, don't start my clock yet.

Vinny Tellham, don't start my clock yet, man.

I got I got I got way too much to talk about now.

Sometimes they be trying to rush me off, man.

Um but but but but here's here's why.

God God's really put um uh this word on my heart.

I've been processing and thinking about it all all week and I and I knew that it's one that that's gonna have a lot of information and it's gonna have a lot of content in it.

Um and we're gonna do our best to still get it done in 35 minutes, 38, 40 minutes.

Like we'll get it done today.

Um just just just stick with me.

But I really want you guys to to lean forward and to take as much notes because we are gonna be talking about relationships.

I think it's fitting um in this season for us to talk a little bit about um relationships as as it would be fitting for today.

I mean, today is Valentine's Day, and obviously that's a a great pillar of relationships and and love.

And so we're gonna be leaning into that.

So so just prepare yourself, prepare your hearts, take notes.

This is gonna be one of those messages that you'll you'll circle back to.

And I firmly believe that it's in moments like this where we we kind of write down what God is speaking, and then there's moments where our life catches up to what God was already saying.

Um, and that's what this has the potential um of being for us.

So you can go ahead and prepare your hearts for that.

You know, I as I as I look around this room, I'm always filled with just such great um excitement.

I'm always filled with such great um honor when when I think about it.

And here's why.

When I when I look around this room and I see the the incredible diversity that's here, it's something that that I recognize it it didn't happen by accident.

You see, we're we're in the middle of a Black History Month, and so of course we we we take a moment in this month to kind of pause and celebrate the contribution of African Americans to American history, and I firmly believe that African American history is American history.

It's all intertwined, it's all connected.

But I also know that there are many people that have come before me, that the idea of having a diverse church is something that would have literally been illegal at a time.

That the idea of us looking around a room and seeing people of different ethnicities being treated with equal value, that was a concept that many people would have never even dreamed could happen.

But it took some individuals collectively in unity to come together to say that we have a dream that's bigger than what we're currently seeing.

We we hear about stories of Dr.

Martin Luther King and other people that have kind of paved the way, but I want to let you guys know that our church is a demonstration of what it looks like when you're not content with the way that things are and you're pursuing it in order to make it better.

Some of you may be familiar with the story, but for Celebration Church, it was our second service.

And and at the time our global senior pastor, after finished preaching in a room much like this, he kind of looks around and he sees one single African-American family in our church.

And at the end of the service, he makes a beeline and goes to them and says, Hey, listen, I know if you look around, you may feel a little uncomfortable because there's no one else here that looks like you.

He said, But can you please stay?

Because I feel like our calling, our mission is to have a church that looks like heaven.

And if people walk in and see you, that will make them feel more comfortable and make them feel like there's a place for them as well.

That was over 20 years ago.

That intentionality, that that very that very direct ask created an atmosphere.

And I think about 15 years ago, when Meg and I walked into the doors of the church, that very couple that he asked to stay was on stage that day.

And you know what I thought when I walked in?

Wow, if they can fit in here, so can I.

It's a it's amazing how God is able to use those moments, and it just talks about how things don't happen by accident.

You have to pursue what you want to see.

See, that's the series that we're in right now.

We're talking about the importance of pursuing the things of God.

Our pursuit determines our experience.

And what we do is when we celebrate months like this, we recognize people that were pursuing freedom and wholeness, and now we get a chance to experience it.

We we celebrate folks who had a dream that all of us could worship together, that our families could live next to one another and serve with one another, and we're living in that dream.

And I firmly believe that this series is a perfect reflection of how our pursuit determines our experience.

That's what this series has been about.

And last week we talked a little bit about the importance of pursuing our purpose and calling through the lens of serving.

Understand the importance of how serving can open up doors and open up eyes and activate the things that God wants to do in us.

In fact, our our church's mission statement is to be God's family, pursuing God's kingdom, that idea of pursuing, going after it.

That that word pursue, it's it's synonymous with the word seek.

The importance of looking, position yourself and going after it.

It literally is defined as chasing it down.

Our pursuit determines our experience, our our theme scripture is found in Matthew 6, 33, where it says, But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.

Put God first, seek after it.

God has some things he wants to add to your life, but you need to pursue them.

You don't have to work for it, but you certainly do have to position yourself to receive it.

Matthew 7, 7 says this, ask and it shall be given.

Seek and you shall find.

Knock and it shall be open.

I love the I love the hinging component.

There's some doors that are going to be open to you, but if you don't knock on them, you'll never know.

There's some answers that God wants to provide, but if you don't ask, you'll never hear them.

There's some there's some things that God wants you to discover, but if you don't seek, you won't find it.

The important point that God is trying to help us to understand with this idea of pursuing the things that are after him is when we pursue those things, when we seek after those things, we then begin to experience those things.

Our pursuit determines our experience.

And today I want to talk about the importance of pursuing the right relationships.

What does it look like to pursue the relationships that God has intended for us to have?

Our primary text for today is a short one that some may have some familiarity with, but it's found in Genesis chapter 2, verse 18.

Genesis 2:18

The context is that God has created man in his own image.

That's mankind's assignment.

That's our purpose.

But then he recognizes this thing about Adam because he's isolated.

And God makes this statement in verse number 18.

He says, Then the Lord God said, It is not good for man to be alone.

I will make him a helper corresponding with him.

Your translation may say something different.

I will make him a help me.

Ultimately, what God's assessment of with Adam was even though you have me, even though you have a lot of wonderful things going on, it's not good for you to be disconnected.

It's not good for you to do life alone, so to speak.

So I'm gonna give you someone to come alongside you to help you meet your purpose and calling and for you to fulfill the thing that I'm activating you to do.

We understand that the context of this passage is absolutely talking about marriage, but I also believe that it gives us a glimpse of an age-old truth.

That God's desire is for us to connect with people that can help us to make ultimately the thing that we're calling us to do, that can help us to meet our destiny.

And so God has given us the gift of relationships, the gift of marriage, the gift of friendship, the gift of siblings.

That's right, your siblings are a gift.

Somebody's like, man, you don't know my sibling, though.

No, but but God gives us these things, He gives us all these different types of relationships so they can come alongside us and to strengthen us, to challenge us, but to ultimately help us to meet our calling.

If you're taking notes, and I think we established earlier in this message that people that go to heaven take notes, um, you're gonna write this message title down because I think you're gonna come back to it.

Here's the title Ride or Die.

Ride or die.

I'm gonna I'm gonna um I'm gonna explain that for some of our folks, because some of our folks are like, okay, what does that mean?

I'm not prepared to die for anybody.

I'll explain it.

Give us give me a moment.

But ride or die, let's pray and let's see what God wants to speak to us today.

Heavenly Father, God, we are so thankful for relationships, God.

We're thankful for the gift that you've given us.

And Lord, I just pray over the next few moments that you give us open eyes that we can see you, open ears that we can hear your truth, and open hearts that we can receive everything that you have for us today.

It is in your name that we pray all of this.

Amen and amen.

See, you some of us may be familiar with this term ride or die, depending on the lexicon or the point in which you engage in culture.

But but let me give you the urban dictionary definition of what it means for a ride or die person.

Watch this.

It says this a ride or die person is a person that is willing to do anything for someone that you love or someone that you really appreciate in your life.

It's it's the person who will stand beside you through thick and thin, and vice versa.

Ride or die, somebody who's with you through it all.

They're not just with you when things are going great, but they're also with you when things aren't going so good.

That ride or die person, that person that is with you.

I I believe that.

I believe that that that title became very, very synonymous and connected to us through that movie, Thelma and Louise.

Anybody ever seen Thelma and Louise?

They were literally the embodiment of ride or die.

We're in this thing to the very end.

But I'm more familiar with it in the context of a film that I watched, several of them, and that's that's Martin Lawrence and Will Smith.

Bad boys, bad boys, bad boys.

What you gonna do?

What you gonna do when we come for you?

You know what I'm talking about.

But they would make this statement every time like things got thick.

It was an impossible task, but they would say this thing.

And if you know what, say it with me.

We ride together, we die together, bad boys for life.

Come on, man, give it up for God.

I mean, you see what I'm saying?

There's some people.

Y'all, y'all know what I'm talking about.

We we in this thing together.

It's that idea of knowing that, man, we were in this thing through thick and thin, and who who wouldn't want to be able to look at somebody in the eye and say, I know that you're my ride or die.

I know that you're with me no matter what we may be facing.

You see, I was doing some research and trying to get a sense of what are what are some words that I think can perfectly encapsulate this idea of having ride or die people in our lives, and you'd be surprised.

I found a song that perfectly illustrates it.

I I found a song that that perfectly describes what does it mean to have a ride or die person in your life.

It is written by a prophet, a man named Randy Newman, and the name of the song is called You Got a Friend in Me.

Listen.

I'm not too spiritual to not let Toy Story minister to my spirit sometimes.

But I want I want you to think about the words of this song and begin to imagine someone that you would love that they're the embodiment of it.

This is what it says.

It says, listen, when the road looks rough ahead, and you're miles and miles away from your nice warm bed, just remember what your old pal said.

You got a friend in me.

Yes.

You've got a friend in me.

You've got trouble.

And I got them too.

But there isn't a thing that I wouldn't do for you.

We stick together, and we're gonna see that thing through.

You got a friend in me.

Because you got a friend in me.

It ends with this, it says it is, and as the years go by, our friendship will never die.

Why?

Because you got a friend in me.

I feel like getting emotional right now.

I feel it.

I feel it in my heart.

Because what Prophet Randy was helping us to understand is that this is what friendship looks like when you're away from home, when things aren't comfortable, but you got somebody who's with you.

That feeling of knowing, like, I got a ride or die person, the person who's gonna have my back no matter what, man, that's a good feeling.

I remember when that revelation hit me with Megan.

Man, like when she first, when her and I first started dating, man, I was I was at a mountaintop.

Bro, you couldn't tell me nothing.

I I I I I pulled up, I had my Jetta, I was smooth, I pulled up, I laid my game down, it was perfect.

A couple years go by, you get a couple kids under your belt, your your finances ain't looking too good.

And I'm like, man, like this is this ain't what it looked like when we first started dating.

And I began to think to myself, like, yo, like, man, is she is she gonna make it?

Is she gonna stick with me through this thing?

Because man, this is a tough season.

And I remember looking at her like, babe, like I'm I'm sorry, man.

Like, I'm just I'm I'm having a bout right now where things aren't working out.

And she looked me in my face, she said, let me tell you something.

You gotta ride or die check right here.

You remember that girl?

I was like, I was like, okay.

And this is what I said.

I said this.

I said, listen, this is from scripture.

If you suffer with me, girl, you'll reign with me.

We say we saying no to a lot of things right now.

But the season's gonna come when there's nothing but yes.

And girl, I'm telling you, the answer is yes.

The answer is yes, because you were riding with me when we only could say no.

That beautiful feeling of knowing when you got somebody who has your back, no matter what.

I can think of other people in my life that have come into my world that have that have had similar impact, where you just knew that they were there with you and they left a significant impact on your life.

I think about my first spiritual father who helped me to understand the importance of prayer and the word.

I think about my first professional boss who helped me to understand the importance of discipline at work.

I think about the impact of my parents and friends and family members that all kind of play this collective part.

You see, I believe that God brings people into our lives ultimately to help us to fulfill what he's calling us to do.

And some are long term and some are short term, but ultimately they all should be helping us to go to where we're called to go.

Proverbs 15, 22 says it this way it says, Plans fail when there is no counsel.

But with many advisors, they succeed.

Plans fail when there is no counsel.

That word counsel is more than just one person.

So typically for me, whenever I'm going into a valley of decisions, I look at the counsel around me.

I consider what my wife has to say, I consider what my kids have to say, I consider what my parents have to say, I consider what people that I work with have to say.

I allow them all to speak into it because what it says is that where there's a multitude of counselors, there is safety, there is perspective.

You see, I think whether it's a marriage or it's a friendship, family member, they require something of us, but we also are able to give something to it.

And and here's what I mean.

I believe that our relationships determine our direction, and our direction determines our destination.

Our relationships, they determine our direction, and our direction determines our destination.

Let me make it plain for us.

There are some people that are in our lives, and I can remember some of the folks that I mentioned to you of how they help give me direction.

So whenever I was getting just a little bit off track, they're like, no, no, no, Keith, like this this isn't for you.

Remember, you you have to you have to go in this direction.

They they help me with my direction.

Because how many of us know your intentions don't determine your destination, your directions do?

Your intentions don't determine your destination, your directions do.

And there have been times that I've been oriented with people that have been helping me to get in the right direction so I can make it to the destination that God was calling me to go to.

But but I also remember moments when I had people in my world that was pulling me off, and now I began to get out of alignment, and now I'm going in a different direction.

But the truth is your direction will determine your destination.

It it doesn't matter how much you may have a desire to go to New York City.

If you get on a highway and you are going 95 south, no matter how much your intentions are, you're going to hit Miami at some point.

Because your intentions don't determine your destination, your directions are and when you have people in your life, they can recognize the direction and the destination that God has for you, and they can help direct you in a way to make sure that you make it to your destination.

And what I think happens for sometimes is we don't recognize that people are pulling us off course and we end up going in a direction that is not the direction that God ultimately wants us to have.

You see, I realize that the thing about relationships is sometimes we can't discern when it's time for the relationship to go through a metamorphosis or a shift.

There are times that we have some relationships and therefore a season.

And for that season, it was very meaningful, it was very impactful, but there's moments when there's clearly a moment where we have to like have a moment of departure.

I call it a necessary ending, that moment when you recognize that we may need to go in different directions because what I'm called to do, the direction that God is calling me to go in, I can't continue to go on this journey because I'm going to miss the direction and the assignment that God has for my life.

I think that there's no greater energy leak than when we hold on to someone that God is telling us to let go of.

I think there's no greater energy leak than when we're trying to force something to work that the grace of God has lifted from.

1 Samuel chapter 16, verse number 1.

1 Samuel 16 · chapter mention

This is a this is a beautiful text that helps to illustrate this idea.

You see, Samuel's a prophet, and the very first king that he ever anointed was Saul.

He had a connection with Saul.

He loves Saul.

But the problem with Saul is that Saul struggled with insecurity and people pleasing, and so he disappointed God for the last time.

And so God said, You know what?

I'm done with Saul.

I'm actually going to move on to a new king named David.

So Samuel, your responsibility is to get up and to go and anoint the new king.

I'm ready to move forward.

But you can understand that that Samuel was like, Man, but that's my dude though.

We've been through a lot together.

Like that's that was my guy, man.

I I don't I don't know if I can do this.

And so he grieved.

And he grieved.

And he grieved.

And verse number one in 1 Samuel 16, God says this the Lord said to Samuel, How long are you going to mourn for Saul?

Since I have rejected him as king over Israel.

Fill your horn with oil and go.

I'm sending you to Jesse to Bethlehem because I have selected for him a king from amongst his sons.

What God was ultimately communicating is like, listen, I understand you have emotions, grieve.

But bro, I need you to get up.

You're so busy looking in the rearview mirror that you can't even see the future that I have for you.

I'm moving you to the future, but you're fixated on the past.

How long are you gonna cry about this?

How long are you gonna be paralyzed in the past?

At some point, you have to recognize the anointing is moving you forward.

And I think that in our relationships, there are moments where we're so busy looking in the rearview mirror, we don't recognize the destination that God has that's in front of us.

I think the reason why we we miss this moment is because a lot of times we can't distinguish what category do people fit in into our lives.

I think ultimately we have two buckets that that our relationships will revolve around.

We have contextual relationships and we have covenantal relationships.

Covenantal relationships versus contextual.

Let me give you a quick breakdown of what a contextual relationship is.

It means that we're cool as long as this is the context of it.

This is the context of our friendship.

So that's this.

You have people that are for what you're for.

That's the context of it.

So we're for the same things.

We have the same passion, we have the same interest.

That's the context of our relationship.

An example of that could be, let's say, hypothetically, this entire room, we are for the Philadelphia Eagles.

You know, somebody's with me.

You know?

I'm just speaking in faith.

Like we all are for the Philadelphia Eagles.

We are not for the New England Patriots.

We're not for them.

We are for the Philadelphia Eagles.

I believe that that's a that's a God thing.

So we're all for the Philadelphia Eagles.

It doesn't matter what our voting background is, it doesn't matter what your upbringing is, we are for the same thing.

That's the context of our friendship.

That's the context of our relationship.

Or you can have some relationships that are a representation that we're against the same things.

Our friendship and our connection point is around the fact that we rally because we're against the same thing.

This is a common interest.

Man, we are against homelessness.

So we begin to rally and work together because we believe in making a difference and doing everything we can to help people get off the streets.

We're against racism.

So we're gonna come together.

Our backgrounds don't matter, but we just know we're gonna work together because we're against this.

We're we're against these things, and so our context is built around these things.

But then there's the there's the covenantal relationships, the relationships that transcend all that, and these are the people that are for you.

That means that you can move 800 miles away and I'm for you.

The context may change, but I'm for you.

There may be some circumstances we may face, but I'm for you.

There's a big difference between people who are for you and people that are for what you're for or against what you're against.

And I think what happens is we misallocate friendships and we think that people are for us when they actually were just for the context of the relationship in this first place.

We're cool as long as we're all doing the same thing.

But the moment that there's a shift in your life, I'm not actually for you, I'm actually for this thing.

We see this happen all the time, and then we find ourselves frustrated and dealing with heartbreak because you thought that someone was for you, but the reality is they were simply for what you were for, or they were against what you are against.

So what ends up happening is when we recognize that we're dealing with people that are not investing in us the way that we invest in them, it can cause us to put up calluses.

It can cause us to put up walls because we're dealing with so much disappointment for the people that we thought was for us, but they actually weren't for us, that when people show up that really are for us, we don't know how to receive it, and we end up reciprocating that same cycle of being in relationships where people are trying to get close, but because of our harm in the past, we won't allow them to do it.

It's a vicious cycle that happens in our relationships.

And what I would encourage us to do is to recognize and invest in the people that are for you.

The people that are for you, the people that say that even if you get a divorce, man, I am for you.

The people that say, even if you're in a hospital with breast cancer, I am for you.

The people that say that even if you move away, I am for you.

There's a difference and there's a different energy when you're around people that you know they are for you.

That's what we call soldiers.

Ride or die, ten toes down.

They are with you, they are for you no matter what.

What I believe God wants to do is wants to open our eyes up to the reality that sometimes.

Of people that are close to us that just might always be for us.

I believe that there are moments where we recognize that God wants to pivot to go into a direction that everybody can't go on that journey.

You see what Abraham and Lot.

There was a moment when what Lot was carrying and what Abraham was carrying, they could no longer coexist, so they had to go in separate directions.

And I think there are moments where we have to recognize and reconcile and be at peace that there are some times that God will begin to shift us into a direction where we know that we need to make some adjustments.

Here's the thing we need to understand.

We treat everyone equally, but everyone doesn't have equal access.

Let me say that again.

We treat everyone equally, but everyone doesn't have equal access.

We can look at the ministry of Jesus.

And Jesus didn't get everybody equal access, but he treated everyone equally.

And I think one of the things that I can do to try to help us is to make sure you treat everyone equally, but everybody doesn't get equal access.

There are some things that you only need to share with people who are truly for you because it keeps you from having energy leak and dealing with disappointment.

I feel like there's a part of this message where I need to encourage and help somebody because I think some of us are trying to figure out what that pivoting looks like, what does that adjustment look like?

I want to give you some permission.

I feel like God has told me to give you some permission to make some adjustments and to move forward in your life.

Here's one of the instances where I believe God has given you the grace to move forward when there is abuse.

When there is abuse, when there is abuse in your life, you have permission to move on.

Do not pass go, you get out.

1 Samuel 19, verse number 10.

And Saul tried to pin David to the wall with a spear.

As the spear struck to the wall, David eluded Saul and ran away and escaped that night.

Let me paraphrase that.

Saul tried to kill David, and David said, I'm out.

David was deeply loyal.

David was faithful.

David said, I'll never talk slick about Saul.

I'll never try to harm him.

But the moment that Saul threw a spirit David, David said, Deuces, I'm gone.

David understood, I am made in the image of God, and I'm not going to stand here and subject myself to abuse.

And I need to talk to somebody right now.

You have been in a situation where you've endured abuse, you've endured suffering, and you believe that somehow that's your lot in life, but that is a lie straight from the pits of hell.

God did not create you in his image for you to be treated like a doormat or like an animal.

God is letting you know right now, if you're in an abusive environment, you have the permission to get up and go.

You have permission to move on.

God never created us to endure such things.

Here's another time when I believe you have permission to move on.

When it pulls you out of character, when it pulls you out of your character, 1 Corinthians 15, 33, it says, Do not be deceived.

Bad company corrupts good morals or good character.

When something is pulling you out of your character, I can distinctly remember spending time around friends, and then you find yourself doing things that's out of character, talking in ways that's out of character, behaving in ways that are that are out of character.

I remember as a young man and I was raised in a Christian household, but even when I was on this journey of trying to discover faith, there would be these thresholds that I would hit when God's like, Man, that's not you, Keith.

That that's not you, like that wall, that that inner check where God's like, man, you you you can't cross that line.

I don't, I'm not giving you peace in that.

It's that it's that moment when you recognize that that that's just not me.

Listen, if you have to compromise your character to be with that group of friends, then that group of friends is not meant to be a part of your life.

Let me say this one more time.

I know this is Valentine's Day, so we're gonna go ahead and get after it.

If the only way you can stay in a relationship is by having sex out of the context of marriage, come on, come on, that's pulling you out of godly character.

The word of God will have us to live in a way that is honoring to Him.

I'm not talking about making mistakes.

Grace covers a multitude of sins.

What I'm saying to us is God is telling us that there's a characteristic that is that is unique to the people of God of how we have self-control and how we can abstain from some things.

And if the only way for you to demonstrate and prove your love to someone that you haven't said I do yet, is to sleep with them, that's pulling you out of godly character.

You gotta ask yourself, what direction is this taking me to?

Let me keep moving.

Let me keep moving.

I'm working, I'm working.

Okay, here's here's a third one.

Here's a third one.

When it isn't fruitful or reciprocated?

When it's not fruitful or reciprocated.

You know, when when you produce fruit, you plant a seed and it should produce a fruit after its own kind.

So what it says here in 2 Corinthians 6, it says, Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe.

For what partnership is there with righteousness and lawlessness?

Or what fellowship does light have with dark?

Here's what that means.

Ultimately, you should produce a fruit.

It should produce something that's like-minded, it should produce something that's holistic, it should produce something that's life-giving.

And if you're in relationships that's not fruitful, it's not producing that fruit, it's not producing life, it's not producing things that are beneficial, and it's not being reciprocated.

That means that you're the one that's always reaching out, they're never reaching out to you.

You're the one that's trying to hang out with them, but they're never trying to hang out with you.

You're the one who has to adjust your schedule to try to fit in with their life, but they're never doing the same thing.

Maybe you're devoting too much energy to somebody that really isn't interested in spending that much time with you.

It doesn't mean that we still can't be cool, but it does help me to understand I'm willing to invest in those who invest in me.

And the potential problem can be is maybe we have misallocated the relationship.

We thought that that person was actually for us, and they're not.

They're for what you're for, they're against what you're against, but they're not actually for you.

And what I want to encourage you to do is not cut people off, but make sure that you reserve the energy to invest in people that are willing to invest in you.

Because unfortunately, we can expend all of our energy chasing down people that are running in an opposite direction.

And then when people are standing right next to you that are for you, you don't have the energy to give to them, and then we're wondering why we're isolated.

It is not good for man to be alone, but we're wasting energy on people who do not are not willing to invest in us.

My encouragement for all of us is to make sure that you're investing in people who are for you.

And maybe right now this is this is stinging.

Maybe right now this is disturbing our hearts.

Good.

Maybe it's challenging us.

Good.

Because God wants us to live in a way that is holistic and strong.

I got 11 minutes left, so we're going to move into this final part.

I'm about to land the plane, but I want y'all to stick with me.

There's four principles, there's four things that I think are going to make sure that we have healthy, God-fearing, fruitful relationships.

Here's the first thing that I think we have to do.

That now that we understand what to avoid, recognizing where people fit in our lives, now there's some things that we need to do to ensure that our relationships are healthy and strong.

Here's the first one.

Be intentional.

We have to be intentional.

Be intentional.

Looking at Luke 9, verses 1 through 2, it says this summoning the 12, he gave them power and authority over all the demons to heal.

Luke 9:1–2

And he sent them to proclaim the gospel of God and to heal the sick.

Here's why I emphasize this is that Jesus showed up on the scene.

He literally could have picked any group of people he wanted.

He was intentional.

He was intentional with selecting the people that he selected.

He was intentional with the words that he spoke to them.

He was intentional with the things that he showed them.

Jesus was incredibly intentional because he knew that these people are going to carry on my legacy.

They're going to carry on my image.

They're going to carry on my message.

And I have to be very intentional about the way that I spend my time, about the words that I speak.

I'm going to be very, very intentional.

See, I truly believe that our intentionality shapes our reality.

That when we're intentional with things, it begins to shape things and it becomes our very reality.

Listen, man, I was intentional when it came to tracking down Megan.

Your boy was intentional.

When we we graduated from high school together, she went off to college, and then I got a phone call that said that Megan was back from college.

I sprung into activation mode.

I intentionally called her.

Hey girl, heard you back in town.

How you doing?

She's like, I'm good.

She was smiling.

I was like, hey, man, I think I should come through and see you.

She's like, alright.

I pulled up, Volkswagen Jetta, windows adequately cracked, so you could still see my face, sunroof open.

Got out.

Now I'm gonna date myself a little bit.

Had on my um had on my Tommy Hill jeans, Tommy Hill shirt, Tommy Hill vest.

I could see I had an obsession with Tommy Hill, Tommy Hill cologne.

Um I had I had it all on, had a little headband on, feelai shoes, Megan.

You remember that outfit?

She does, you see?

I left a mark.

And and watch this, watch this.

It didn't end there.

It didn't end there.

After she comes, we see her, and and and we start hanging out.

I would wear like two to three different colognes.

And I would do that on purpose.

So I would notice she's like, oh, that smells good.

Register.

I'm like, okay, girl, you like that CK1, huh?

So guess what your boy was wearing every time we went out on a date?

CK1.

Your boy was intentional.

It got to a point where I laid my game down so flat that I would buy her little teddy bears.

And guess what cologne I would spray on the teddy bear?

CK1.

So that even when she was at home and I wasn't with her, and she would hug that bear, she would be smelling the aroma of her boo.

I'm trying to help somebody in here right now.

I'm giving y'all the game for free.

I'm giving it to y'all for free right now.

I'm not even gonna chart admission for this.

I laid my game down flat, but it but it worked.

It was, I was incredibly intentional.

Now, now watch this.

I probably we could have pulled it off if I didn't do all that, but listen, I knew the reality that I was trying to shape.

So I pursued it and I was intentional with it.

I've noticed in our lives that whenever Megan and I are not on the same page, it's because I start taking her for granted and I stopped being intentional.

Let me let me look over here in this section right now because I feel like size is a little uncomfortable.

Watch this.

When I stop being intentional, I stopped being intentional because I was leaning on my intentions.

Two different things.

See, a lot of times we think our intentions are the same as being intentional.

But my intentions are what's in my heart.

Being intentional is what I do with my hands.

And I've gone through seasons where I've leaned heavily on my intentions, but I didn't follow through with my hands.

I intended for us to go out on a date tonight, but just got tired and couldn't do it.

I I intended to call you back, but man, I got sidetracked and couldn't do it.

I intend for us to go to lunch, but man, schedules happen, and and what ends up happening is I end up leaning so heavily on my intentions that I actually don't follow through and I stop being intentional.

What I want to challenge all of us to do is to get out of that place where we're expecting someone to give grace to our intentions and let them be the beneficiaries of our intentionality, following through.

If we want to have healthy relationships, you have to be intentional.

Here's the next one.

Here's the next one.

The next thing we got to do is we gotta be encouraging.

Just be encouraging.

We live in a world that is already discouraging enough.

We could look at the news, we could look at social media.

There's so many things and avenues for us to deal with frustration and disappointment.

So for me, I'm looking for people that are going to be in encouragement.

I'm not talking about people who are deluded from reality.

I'm simply saying you speak the language of faith in spite of what you're looking at right now.

Yeah, I look at the Bible and I think a lot of times we we look at these scriptures of whose report are you gonna believe?

These moments where you see where people had to use faith instead of what they saw, and we're like, man, those are great messages that we can preach to, that we can shout to, we can dance to, we can sing the songs out loud.

But when we're in a conversation with somebody, we obsess about the facts.

We obsess about the negativity thing.

And what I believe God wants us to do is be people who are encouraging in spite of the opposition, people who know how to speak life in spite of what you're facing.

That's what we need to be when we're talking about having healthy, holistic relationships.

Exodus 17, I believe, is a beautiful illustration of this deep principle.

It says this, that Joshua did as Moses told him, and they fought against Amalek.

And while Moses and Aaron were sent up on the top of the hill, and while Moses held his hands up, Israel prevailed, but when they were down, Amalek prevailed.

When Moses' hands grew weary, they took a stone, put it under him, and sat him down.

Then Aaron and Ur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other, to keep his hands remained steady until the sun went down.

Let me let me paraphrase that a little bit.

The children of Israel are at war.

And what they recognize is as long as Moses kept his hands lifted up on the mountain, they were winning the war against an opponent that they did not have the skill or the resources to defeat.

Notice that.

That when they were at war, the reinforcements were sent to Moses, not to the people in the field.

Because there's something to be said about keeping people in leadership with their arms lifted up, keeping them encouraged.

They understood that if we can get sent to him, that we can help keep his hands lifted up.

And the Bible says they came up to him and they kept his hands lifted up.

They could have very easily said to him, Well, Moses, how come you didn't have a better strategy, man?

Like, why don't you have another way to keep your hands lifted up?

I mean, you're supposed to be the one that came down from the mountain, right?

You got it all figured out, right?

Like, why didn't you figure out a way to keep your hands lifted up?

No, they sent up there and they said, We're gonna do our best to keep your arms lifted up because when you win, we win.

That's what you need in your life for people that know how to keep your hands lifted up.

Because sometimes keeping your hands lifted up can be very tiring.

Man, like our my marriage is it's struggling.

I know, but keep your hands lifted up because the word says that what God is joined together, let no man put asunder.

Man, my arms are getting tired, man, because this sickness that we got diagnosed with, it seems like it's gonna be the end of it.

No, you lift your hands up because Jesus said that this sickness shall not end in death.

Like, I believe that sometimes you just need people that can come alongside you that can help you keep your hands lifted up.

It's not denying facts, but it's speaking faith in spite of them.

1 Thessalonians chapter 5, verse 11, I believe beautifully captures it where it says this therefore encourage one another and build each other up.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Just be an encouragement.

We all know the people in our lives that are in encouragement, that you can tell them that something is going south, they will acknowledge it, but we're gonna be in encouragement and turn that thing around.

I personally don't need anyone around me that's obsessed about the negative.

I'm not I'm not avoiding it, but man, can we speak faith to that thing?

Because when I hear the obstacles, those are the things I'm believing God for, not for the places that God's not at.

Being encouragement to a friend goes a long way.

So we have to be in encouragement.

Here's the third thing.

We're gonna move uh a little bit quicker.

Here's the third thing.

Be gracious.

Be gracious.

We're gonna be intentional, we're gonna we're gonna be encouraging, but let's let's be gracious.

Here's what it means when you're talking about being gracious in a relationship.

It means understanding that we all fall short of the glory of God, that that we all make mistakes, that this is a place where we really allow the fruit of the Spirit to thrive in the relationship.

It's where I'm choosing to activate patience and kindness and love and joy in spite of what we're looking at.

That's what it means to be gracious.

See, I think a lot of times we want grace to flow to us, but are so stingy with allowing it to flow through us.

Man, like if we make a mistake, man, give me grace.

I know I may have said that with the wrong tone.

That wasn't what I meant by it.

You know me, you know my heart, cool.

But then are you extending that same grace when you're on the receiving end of someone saying things out of tone?

And when someone says something that you are not in agreement with.

Understanding that in order for a relationship to thrive, is that grace goes both ways, is that patience goes both ways, that we have to be people that are going to absolutely rely heavily on the grace of God.

Now, being gracious doesn't mean that we ignore truth.

In fact, I believe that Jesus Christ is full of grace and truth.

He's both.

But it just means that when we're navigating through uncomfortable situations, we do it with grace in our filter.

In fact, I think that I want to give y'all some bonus thoughts real quick.

I want to give y'all, like I think I'm giving y'all like 15 points by the time this message is over.

But here's four things that I think it can help us when we're having conversations, when we're speaking truth, but how do we do it in a grace-filled and graceful way?

Here's one way.

Be curious but not critical.

Be curious but not critical.

Curious, asking questions, but don't be critical and tearing one another down.

Be careful and not crushing.

Understanding that you may be having conversations with people, and it's uncomfortable.

But if we're not careful in the way that we navigate and step into those conversations, you can actually be crushing people's feelings.

So be careful but not crushing.

Ask, don't assume.

Man, that's that's challenging.

Because a lot of times we'll see the evidence of something, we project what that means, and now we're assuming something.

So when we have a conversation about it, that person doesn't actually get a chance to answer a question.

They're defending the allegation that's put against them, and now we're just in the middle of a courtroom battle.

Ask, don't assume.

Here's a fourth one.

Connect before you correct.

Connect before you correct.

I'm telling you, that's that's probably one of the ones that's a little bit more challenging as a parent for me.

Because here's the thing you know, you think about your family, you think about your kids.

We come home from work, I come home and I see, like, okay, the sinks are still the dishes are still in the sink.

Man, Caleb still didn't take his clothes upstairs.

My my my default could be before I even say anything to him, Caleb, come downstairs.

Man, you gotta get this stuff cleaned up.

I didn't even connect with him yet.

I don't know what his day was like.

I don't know what he endured while he was in school.

I don't know his state of mind, but I'm choosing to correct him before I connect with him.

But when you're in a meaningful relationship, hey man, how you doing?

How was your day?

Everything good?

Okay, what do you got for homework?

Okay, cool.

What were you doing upstairs?

Okay, cool.

Hey man, here's what I need you to do.

You know we've talked about this, right?

I need you to take care of that, right?

Okay, yeah.

You see the difference in the tone?

We connect it before I correct it.

Because again, you never know what someone else is walking through.

You never know what their struggles are, and you may be the icing on the cake that may have devastated their day.

So it's still possible to encourage someone, to challenge someone, to cause them to be better without destroying someone.

I'm preaching to somebody right now.

I'm trying to I'm trying to help you in your relationships, I'm trying to strengthen some of your marriages.

Here's the fourth and final thing, and then we're going to we're going to wrap up.

Be loyal.

Be loyal.

Be the type of person, whether it's your marriage, whether it's your your friend circle, whether it's your colleagues.

Just be the type of person who is loyal.

To be loyal means to give or show firm and constant support.

It's to give an allegiance.

I'm I'm loyal.

That's a crucial part of the wedding vows.

And when we make that statement, it's saying that I am declaring that I am going to be loyal.

I am going to see this thing through.

David and Jonathan had a very loyal friendship where they said, we're going to look out for one another, that we're going to take care of one another.

I'm with you.

You're with me.

I'm very loyal to you.

My dad doesn't like you, but I'm loyal to you.

This is the dynamic.

We see that same thing with Ruth and Naomi.

Your God will be my God.

Your people will be my people.

I am loyal.

I am connected to you.

I believe that God wants us to be the type of people that are loyal to the people that we know that are for us.

And that there may be circumstances and situations that may arise, but that should not shake the foundation of our loyalty.

Being loyal means having a conversation with someone, not about someone.

Because a lot of times we have a lot of, we have a lot to say about an individual when they're not in a room.

But when they're there, they're crickets.

The standard of my life to the best of my ability, whatever I say about you, I can say it to you.

And if I can't say it to you, that's an indication that I probably shouldn't be saying it about you.

I'm trying to help somebody in here today, Megan.

I'm talking real.

I'm trying to help us with our relationships.

And if you find yourself in those circles where you're talking about but never talking to, let this be a heart check.

Let this be a gut check.

Let this challenge you to be loyal, to be better.

Whatever I say about you, I should be able to say it to you.

Being loyal means having ten toes down.

I'm with you.

It doesn't mean that I agree on everything.

It doesn't mean that we're always going to be on the same page.

But I'm for you.

I'm with you.

I'm standing on your side.

As we prepare to close, I I want to I want to also say this about loyalty.

Because I think there's times we can be so loyal, it can be at our detriment.

Let me let me let me help us.

You see, being loyal means that I know that I'm called to help shoulder your burdens.

But being loyal doesn't mean that I pick up your offense.

See, scripture tells us that we're to walk and carry one another's burdens.

You have a burden for this, I have a burden for this.

You're you're struggling with this, I'm struggling with this.

Picking up someone's burden means that there's something heavy, and we're gonna pick it up together so that we can move forward.

Picking up someone's offense, scripture says that offense is a stumbling block.

Being offended actually never moves you forward.

And I'm telling you, I've had I've had moments in my life where I've been so deeply loyal to people that I've been offended for them.

And here's the tension with that when you're offended for someone else, when they're healed, they're free, they're moving forward, you're still stumbling on a block that they've already been delivered from.

You're you're still struggling with receiving people in their lives because you picked up an offense and didn't shoulder a burden.

And if you're a person that is deeply loyal, make sure you don't gravitate to that place where you're now offended for people because that's not godly.

Shoulder, shoulder their burdens because shouldering.

Burdens helps us to move forward.

Stumbling on offenses, it just keeps you in a place of unforgiveness and it never allows you to move forward into the potential what things can be.

We see this a lot of times in relationships and family dynamics where, yes, I have I have two sons.

One of my sons is married, my daughter, and and they're all growing up.

My oldest son is married, and and and my daughter will eventually get married.

My younger son will eventually get married.

And as a parent, I am I am loyal.

I am I am deeply committed to them.

But you know what I got to make sure of is that when they're having issues with their spouse, I don't become offended.

Because you know what happens?

I've learned this early in marriage that that Megan and I may have an argument, a disagreement, and if she shares it, and if I share it with my parents, they're I can't believe they said that.

I can't but watch.

Meanwhile, next day, her and I squash it.

We good.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry too.

I love you.

Let's hug, let's kiss, let's move on.

We're good.

But now when we're at Thanksgiving dinner, mama's still thinking about the argument that we had six months ago.

Because she's carrying an offense over something that we've already figured out.

When you're loyal, be deeply committed to them and help shoulder burdens and bring them to solutions.

But please, please don't pick up a fence.

I've literally seen it keep people from moving forward in our life because they're offended over something that happened to someone else.

As we prepare to close, I just want to recap this.

That meaningful, powerful relationships, they don't just happen.

We have to pursue them.

And our pursuit means that we're intentional, it means we're encouraging, we're gracious, and we're loyal.

That is what God is calling us to be and to do for our relationships to be whole and to be healthy.

But here's the thing that's important for us to understand that our most important relationship is our relationship with Jesus.

In fact, I believe the healthier that relationship is, from that one flows every other one that we have.

That when I have a great relationship with God, it reconciles me to Him as well as to everybody else.

And I don't know, maybe you're in here with us right now, and if you were to take inventory of your heart, your relationship with Jesus is not good.

It's not that he's not trying, but maybe you haven't positioned yourself to receive it.

What I want to do is I want to create space right now for us to pray.

That if you know that your next step is to commit or recommit your life to Christ, to enter into this relationship in which we could see that Jesus was incredibly intentional when he called you out, that he was incredibly encouraging by leaving you his word to let you know the value that he sees in you, that he's incredibly gracious because no matter how many times we mess up, he is still there for us, and he is so loyal that he died and was risen in our place so that we can experience wholeness and freedom.

Jesus demonstrated what it looks like to be in a great relationship.

Our responsibility now is to receive it and then reciprocate it with the people that God has connected us to.

So if you're in here with us today and you know your next step is to commit or recommit your life to Christ, I want to pray for you.

It's inclusive of those who are watching us online.

So let's do this with every head bowed and with every eye closed.

Let's kind of create this kind of sacred, safe space.

And I want to ask you, if you want to commit or recommit your life to Christ, would you would you be so bold as to lift your hands up on a count of three?

You're ready for that relationship with Jesus.

One, two, three.

Amen.

God bless you.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Church, can we put our hands together for the people that have decided to say yes, I'm ready to go to that next level in my relationship with Jesus.

What I want to do now is I want us all to stand on our feet.

We're going to go into a time of prayer.

I don't want to pray for those and the ones who have just said yes, I'm ready to go into this committed relationship with Jesus.

And then the beautiful thing is that Jesus was loyal to us, so now we can be loyal to him.

Scripture says it this way that we love him because he first loved us.

And what I want to do is I want to pray, and I'm hoping that we can all pray this together as a family, helping along those who may not have ever prayed this prayer before.

So, all of us as a family, let's let's pray this together, helping along those who have possibly never made this prayer.

Let's say it together.

Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins.

I believe that you died on the cross and that you rose from the dead.

And now I'm a part of the community of faith.

Fill me with your spirit and order my steps in Jesus' name.

As we prepare to go into a time of worship to kind of seal this in, I've been feeling this um all this week.

You see, earlier I I spoke briefly about about abuse, about people who've endured abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, spiritual manipulation and abuse, where wherever that may fall.

And I felt deep in my heart that there's some in this room that have experienced that.

You have been in an abusive environment.

And a lot of times when you've experienced abuse, you think, what could I have done differently?

Maybe, maybe I maybe I earned this, maybe I deserve this.

And I and I wish I could look every single one of you in the eye right now to let you know that that is a lie from the pits of hell.

That you are made in the image of God, that God loves you so much, that He that He that He sent His only begotten Son.

That if you're in or have been in an abusive environment, that is not the will of God.

That is the expression of broken people.

And the grace of God is here to heal, to restore, but also give you the grace to move forward.

And if that's you, I want to let you know that we're here for you as a church family.

If that's you, I want you to know that you can reach out to us and we can connect you with Christian counselors that I believe can help you to take your next step.

I'm not gonna ask anyone to come to the front right now, but I am gonna pray a prayer for those who are who have been abused.

And I just want to be real if you're in here and you've been the person that has been delivering the abuse, get help.

Just get help, reach out to us, let us help you.

That is not that is not the plan of God for your life.

We are here to love you on both ends, but understand that that is not the will of God for your life.

God loves you, but we also have the ability to knock it off.

And if we need to get help, let us help you get connected with people that can help you to overcome the injuries that you have endured that may be causing you to continue to push them into someone else's life.

That's what it means to be part of a church family.

It's messy, but I believe that God has called us to do this together.

Heavenly Father, God, I pray right now for the people in our community that have in any way endured abuse.

Abuse in their marriage, abuse in their home, abuse with their parents, abuse with their siblings, God, relationship abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual manipulation and abuse.

God, people who have been entrusted into the care of other people that they trusted and they have been abused and misused.

Father, I pray in the name of Jesus, Lord, that you comfort them, that you take away the shame, the guilt, the ridicule that they may be feeling inside of themselves and making them believe that somehow they earned or deserved this.

I pray that we break that chain right now in the name of Jesus.

Father, we pray for hope and redemption and restoration and salvation to begin to breathe on that, Father.

We know that your word declares that you work everything together for the good.

That situation isn't good, but somehow, Father, you will give birth to something if we present it to you and allow you to breathe on it.

So, Father, I pray for healing.

I pray for restoration.

I pray for clarity of next step.

And for those who need to move on and get out of abusive environments, I pray that you make that path clear and you allow them to step into it with boldness, knowing that they're supported by their church family.

So, Father, in the name of Jesus, we break the chains of shame, we break off the pain points at the adversary and try to place on their shoulders.

They are made in the image of God.

You have value, you have purpose.

God loves you, and so do you.

As I pray in the name of Jesus for total and complete restoration.

It's in Jesus' name that we pray.

Amen and amen.

Come on, we can give it up to God for that.

Thank you for listening.

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