Happiness | Happy Relationships

Welcome to the Celebration Church Orlando podcast.

Thank you so much for listening today.

We hope it encourages you and inspires you.

Here's today's message.

I'll give that I'll give that about a B.

I'll give that a B.

We're working on it.

Vinny was rocking with me just a few minutes ago, so let's give it up for Vinny for stepping into that space.

We're so, so glad that you're here.

We're thankful that you would create some space to come and worship with us here, whether you're in our person with us or whether you're joining us online, podcast later, however you find yourself here with us today.

We would not be the same without you.

So thank you so much for worshiping with us.

I'm so excited to jump into today's message.

I guess you could say that I'm happy to jump into today's message.

Um, but before I do that, I want to I want to talk to us as a family, as a community, really quick before we get into today's message.

You know, I I gave my life to Christ probably a little over two decades ago.

Like really, really radically giving my life to Christ.

And it was in a very small community church, probably about 40 to 50 people, so to speak.

And so that's kind of where I cut my teeth at, um, spiritually speaking.

And it was a church that really emphasized the importance of prayer and the word and and really helped me to develop those disciplines.

I think that God has such a unique sense of humor that when I did move to Jacksonville, I guess almost 15 years ago, that He would He would send me to, I guess we would qualify as a mega church.

A church that has locations all over the place with thousands of people.

But for me, I'm still just that that old-fashioned guy that got saved in a room with 30 people, um, who surrendered my life and just learned how to fail in safe places and trust God through it all.

So even as God has positioned me in environments like what we're in right now, my heart's desire has always been to never outpace the grace of God.

I never want to get ahead of God.

I never want my ambition to get ahead of God.

So even as we've gone through this season of COVID and transitioning and moving into different places, I still wanted to be very sensitive about God's timing and making sure that we do things God's way.

Over the past couple of weeks, I would probably say the past couple of months, it's been very clear to me that I don't strive for our church to grow, but God is sending people to us.

I believe that there's something that is a part of this unique family that it makes it very clear that there's a community that God is sending to us.

And so our responsibility, our obedience is to position ourselves to be in preparation so that we can adequately care for the people that God is sending us.

And there's several ways we can do that, but the one that I think that I want to zero in on for us today is we know that that means that we're called to have another service.

That's that's that should be no surprise to anyone that God is sending us people and we need to increase our borders and make room for another service.

And while we're still working through some of the logistics, um I'm I'm excited to announce that looking in September, probably the first week of September, we're gonna be having a second service option for you and your families to participate in.

That people are gonna be able to come in.

That's right, church.

We're giving you options, two of them.

Um know that we care for you.

But but here's here's what that here's what that means, um, practically speaking.

We we know that we can't do this on our own.

In fact, we we only can do that with your help.

Not only because of what Lindsay just shared in regards to your your faithfulness and prioritizing God that allows us to continue to to have services and reach people, but also just with you being involved.

There's a couple of things I want to ask you to do as your pastor.

First, I want to ask you just to pray.

Pray for us, pray with us, that as God continues to send people to us, that we can adequately care for them, position them, and be in a position that we can truly show the love of Jesus to everyone that comes into our doors.

But I'm also gonna ask for you to prayerfully consider participating with us.

What that means is that as we add on another service, that means we need more team members to serve so that we can adequately take care of the people that God is sending us.

So while we don't have the exact service times listed as of yet, it'll still be two morning services.

I would love to invite you to pray about serving with us.

A prayer that I've prayed and I've never heard God say no, is helping people.

So I'm asking you to pray, but I'm also asking you to obey.

And outside at the end of service, we're gonna have opportunities for you to sign up to join one of our teams.

We have credible needs in our CKIDS environments, we have needs in our guest service environments.

In fact, every one of our teams has needs as we're increasing and growing, and that's only thanks be to God, but we can't do it without you.

We never want to outpace God.

So I don't want to set out a number and what we're gonna do if God has not positioned us and provided for us to do it.

So I'm asking you to please prayerfully consider participating with us as God is sending us more people and joining one of our teams.

Uh, Pastor Nate will be out there, hope will be out there.

Many of our team will be out there to help you to find a team, to answer any questions you may have.

We would love to have you join our team as we're preparing for our next service.

Amen?

Amen.

Let's put our hands together for that, for what God is doing in our community.

If you have your Bibles, I want to invite you to join me in the Gospel of John, chapter two.

That's where we're gonna be spending our time today.

The Gospel of John chapter two.

We've been in this happiness series, and and I pray that you've been encouraged.

I pray that it's been um inspiring to you.

So if you missed any of the messages, please go back, check them out.

They're all available online through podcasts, YouTube, all those good things.

But today we're we're looking to close it out, and I'm gonna go ahead and apologize now because I'm gonna give you probably four weeks' worth of content and about 30 minutes.

35, like let's say 38.

We're gonna keep it loose on how long it's gonna take, but we're gonna get through a good amount of stuff that I believe that can really help you in regards to being happy in the context of relationships.

Starting here at verse number one, it says this on the third day, a wedding took place in Cana of Galilee.

Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples were invited to the wedding as well.

When the wine ran out, Jesus' mother told him they don't have any wine.

What has this concern of yours to do with me, woman?

Jesus asked her.

My hour has not yet come.

Let me qualify something really quick because I feel like there's some teenagers in here to like, oh, I'm gonna start talking to my parents like that.

Don't.

I'm looking at you, son.

Um, don't.

This was customary language in the way that they interacted back then.

So it was actually a respectable response that Jesus was given.

So ultimately, if I could summarize it, Jesus was saying, Man, that that seems like that's their business.

That doesn't have anything to do with me.

It's not really time for me to step into my ministry yet.

I'm I'm trying to hold off a little bit more.

I I love I love Mary's response though.

I I love how Jesus said that my time hasn't come.

She doesn't even acknowledge what he says.

She says, Do whatever he tells you, his mother told the servants.

She just completely sidestepped Jesus.

Who in the world can say, I heard you, Jesus, but I'm just not hearing you?

Like that's that's that's incredible for her to even be able to do that.

She says, Whatever he tells you, his mother told the servants.

Now, six stone water pots, um, water jars had been sitting there for the Jewish purification, and each contained 20 or 30 gallons.

Fill the jars with water, Jesus told them.

So they filled them to the brim.

Then he said to them, Now draw some out and take it to the head waiter.

And they did.

And when the head waiter tested, tasted the wine after it or tasted the water after it became wine, he did not know where it came from.

Though the servants who had drawn the water knew, he called the groom.

He told him, Everyone sets out the fine wine first, then after the people are drunk, after the people are lit, after the people are stumbling, then they set out the inferior wine because they're too drunk to know the difference.

He says, But you have kept the fine wine until now.

Jesus did this as the first of his signs in Canaan of Galilee.

He revealed his glory, and his disciples believed in him.

After this, he went down to Capernaum together with his mother and his brothers and his disciples, and they stayed there for only a few days.

I believe there's so much in this text as it relates to relationships and happiness, and I believe that God is going to shed a light on it for us.

If you're taking notes, I pray that you are.

It's super simple.

It's just happy relationships.

Happy relationships.

Let's let's pray and let's see what it is that the Lord wants to speak to us today.

Lord, we're so thankful for your word.

We're thankful for opportunities like this where we do get a chance to gather as a family, to gather in community.

So, Lord, I just pray over the next few moments that you give us open eyes that we can see you.

I pray for open ears that we can hear you, Lord.

I pray for open hearts that we can receive everything that you want to speak to us today.

Holy Spirit, we invite you to inspire us, to challenge us, to motivate us to walk in your will.

It's in Jesus' name that we pray.

Amen and amen.

You know, I believe that that weddings are truly beautiful things.

It's it's probably one of my favorite things to participate in as a as a pastor.

My wife and I, we absolutely love to go to weddings because it's it's a it's a melting pot, so to speak.

People travel from from far and wide to come together for these powerful unions.

Weddings are a place of joy, weddings are a place of happiness, weddings are a place where people are.

But having said that, because people are at weddings, it's also opportunities for things to get a little complicated.

It's also opportunities for things to get a little bit messy, for things not to always work out the way that you anticipated they would work out.

I think that nothing can inspire you more than a wedding, and nothing can make you want to cuss more than a wedding.

It's interesting how those two things can coexist in the exact same spot.

I have been a part of my fair share of weddings, and it has been mind-blowing at what I have seen take place.

I've seen things where they're so beautiful and angelic, but I've also seen where there's been tension.

I'm not sure if you've ever been a part of or have seen being at the wedding ceremony, and you can tell that there's tension.

Like the parents on each side don't get along.

Man, that's a little bit of tension.

There you you've seen those moments where all the bridesmaids don't get along, there's a little bit of tension.

I even remember being at one wedding where the mother was in such disagreement for the wedding that she wore black to symbolize that she was mourning.

And you thought your in-law was rough.

Here's my point.

Weddings are such a melting pot where so many people can show up and we can have all these plans, we can have all these ideas, but you know, every now and then it still will rain.

Every now and then things may not work out the way that you exactly have planned it.

I I love the way that um this prophet that I know, um Andre 3000 from Outcast, he says it this way you can plan a picnic, but you can't predict the weather.

Come on, that's that's bars right there.

You can let me let me say that again.

You can you can have some plans.

You can have plans for things to work out the way that you want them to, but every now and then the weather comes and it causes us to have to pivot.

And I think that it's possible for you to survive when things don't go the way that you intend them to do, when your relationship doesn't look the way you think it should look, when you can grab a hold of this one truth.

Relationships do not make me happy, we make them happy.

Let me say that again.

The relationship doesn't make me happy, I make the relationship happy.

The best thing that you can ever give to a relationship is a healthy, strong, vibrant, happy version of yourself.

But unfortunately, we often are looking to things to be the source of our happiness, and when it doesn't meet the bar, now we're riddled with disappointment and we put a weight on the relationship or the individual that was never intended to carry that weight.

We all know what it feels like when we're deflecting and we're looking for a person to be the one that makes me happy.

You don't make me happy anymore.

This place doesn't make me happy anymore.

It's not their responsibility, it's what you bring to the table that presents happiness, and then we work together in order to do it.

And the only way that we can do that is by being intentional.

We have we have to be, you're with me.

You we you you have to be intentional.

That that greatness doesn't happen by accident, that that great relationships don't happen happen by accident.

You have to be intentional.

As a as a sports fan, I'll put it to you this way.

I I love watching sports.

I I love I I love watching um the Olympics even.

When you get a chance to hear the the backstories of the people that have worked really hard to get on the world stage, but I love getting the narrative.

You you hear the story about the about the kid who used to go out and shoot basketball at the middle of the night when nobody was paying attention.

He he was working on his skill then.

You see that he took his raw talent and then he began to position himself in environments so that he could get better, so that he could eventually go to the next level.

We see the point here.

You can have all the raw talent, or let me say it this way: you can have all the natural chemistry in the world with an individual, but at some point, if you want to go to the next level, you're gonna have to be intentional about the way that that relationship functions.

You have to be intentional.

Unfortunately, we can take things for granted.

Oh, we just have natural chemistry, so we're just gonna vibe this thing out and just see where it goes.

I promise you, there will be, there's a, there's a limit to that.

That will expire.

But if you are intentional in stewarding the relationships that you have, you can begin to see the results.

I like to say it this way: intentionality shapes reality.

Intentionality shapes reality.

Let me let me give you a couple of examples.

If you are if you're trying to find a way to cut back on your budget, you have to be intentional about meal prep.

Because if I if I can if I can begin to prep meals in advance, then that's not gonna have me waiting to the last minute and spending money out.

Let's say it this way.

Let's say you want to drop a few pounds.

Not saying that I do, but I could drop a few pounds.

But but watch this.

I have to be intentional about going to the gym.

I can pray all I want.

I can trust God all I want.

I can have all the thoughts in my head, all that I want.

But if I don't start to be intentional about positioning myself in environments that's actually going to make me healthier, I'm not going to get the results.

Some of us, we may have a natural talent even to play music, but you have to be intentional about cultivating it.

So we see that we have to be intentional with every area of our lives if we expect to be successful.

Why aren't we as intentional when it comes to our relationships?

We're hopeful that just somehow the chemistry will create a momentum that will last forever, but if we're not intentional, eventually it can run out.

See, weddings in the Bible, they were they symbolize something.

It was a it was a convergence of the entire community, that you have families and and friends, and and all of them would come together.

And it would go on for like, it would go on for like over a week.

You thought that your party was lit when it went on until 2 a.m.

These things would go on for the entire week.

Matthew 25 does a great job of kind of painting the picture of what these moments were all about.

And the reason why I think that it serves as a great example of relationships, regardless of the type of relationship.

So, what I'm going to share with you, I think it can apply to mother and daughter dynamics.

I think it can contain, obviously, husband and wife, it can deal with dating.

These principles apply because it crosses all boundaries.

And what I believe about weddings is the same way we have so many different people show up and so many different relationship dynamics, I believe that there's some principles in this text that we can apply as well.

I want you to write these things down because I think that there are these are the five keys to happy relationships as it relates to this text.

Here's the first one.

Jesus.

Here's what I want you to see.

There was a wedding, and what the Bible says is that, and Jesus was invited.

Let that settle for a moment.

There was a wedding, there was a couple, there was a relationship, and Jesus was invited.

The question that I gotta ask is, are we inviting Jesus into our relationships?

Did we send Jesus an invite to be a part of our relationships?

If there's ever a guest of honor in any relationship, I would imagine that it would have to be Jesus.

I remember a few years ago, very, very young in my in my pastoral calling, Megan and I were invited to go to a wedding.

Beautiful wedding.

It was so, it was, it was the most decked out wedding that I'd seen at the time.

Everything was meticulously placed.

It was it was amazing.

We saw people that were greeting us outside.

They had the limo already set up, the people were matching, wearing our outfits, everything was meticulously laid out.

So you can imagine how surprised I was that as we sat there, we were running a little bit late.

Five minutes turned to 15 minutes.

15 minutes turned into 20 minutes.

20 minutes turned to 35 minutes.

35 minutes turned to 45 minutes.

I'm sitting around and everybody's kind of starting to whisper, like, what's going on?

And I'm thinking, like, am I about to be a witness to somebody saying, like, nah, I can't do this?

Because I never seen it.

I seen it on TV.

I have friends of mine that that have that have walked.

I'm not saying I was excited about it, but I I I mean, I love a good story.

So I'm like, I'm like, where's this thing gonna go?

So so so the the wedding planner, she comes out and she's talking to the DJ, and the DJ says, Hey, ladies and gentlemen, we want to thank you so much.

Y'all like my DJ voice?

Hey, ladies and gentlemen, we want to thank you so much for your patience.

We're gonna get started in just a few moments.

We have a few hiccups, but we're gonna get started in just a few moments.

Also, um, is there a Pastor Keith Pittman here?

So I'm sitting there, I'm like, yo, this is my day off.

I'm just Keith.

I go to the back to go and see what the DJ needed.

The wedding planner meets me there and says, like, hey, this is gonna sound weird.

But in all the planning, the bride and groom forgot to ask someone to officiate the wedding.

Everything was meticulously planned.

And and how do you forget to invite the one person that makes it all work?

The DJ was there, the wedding planner was there, the floors were there, they had all these people that was positioned to take pictures, everything was in place except for the pastor.

So they're like, So hey, you're up.

Now I already mentioned I was in casual Keith mode.

So I wasn't like wedding officiant dressed.

I I had on like some shorts.

It was one of those relaxed chill weddings.

That's what I love about being and doing weddings in Florida, because the rules are completely different.

Up northeast, you gotta wear tough stuff.

Here, just show up, man.

So I'm I was I was in my comfortable garments.

I'm like, man, like I'm I don't have my notes with me.

They're like, man, can you just go up there and say something?

We like the the bride and groom, like they they didn't they didn't plan for the officiant.

So we we went up there, I'm up there with my with my shorts on, my little flip-flops, yes, my toes were out.

I'm I'm I'm up there with my flip-flops, and and I'm and I'm pulling from memory.

I had my phone out, and and it was it ended up being a fun wedding that we can laugh about, but to this day I am baffled at how they could start the relationship and they didn't invite the one person that can actually help it to move forward.

Somebody sees where I'm going with this.

It's amazing to me the effort that we put into pulling things together and we don't invite Jesus to be a part of it.

That's all I'm saying.

I think sometimes we're thinking that we can get miracles outside of Jesus.

Somehow we're thinking that we're gonna get peace outside of Jesus.

If you don't have Jesus in your wedding or in your relationships, you're not gonna get the things that Jesus can only provide.

Here's the thing because in our own strength we can't do it.

Because when Jesus shows up, it says that he shows up with his disciples.

It says Jesus and his disciples were there.

That means he didn't show up empty-handed.

That means that his character was there, his attributes were there, the fruit of the spirit was there, that support was there, that strength was there, symbolizing this that when Jesus showed up, all that he was showed up as well.

That means that forgiveness shows up.

Have you ever been in a relationship and you struggled with forgiving?

Have you invited Jesus into it?

Have you ever been in a situation where you're dealing with so much chaos and you need peace?

Have you invited Jesus into it?

I'm not saying that every relationship has to be quoting scriptures back and forth.

I believe that God has called us to be a witness, even in people who are unbelievers, but make sure Jesus is your plus one.

Make sure you're bringing Jesus into that relationship so that there's some boundaries and some some some semblance of light so that what people can look at you and they can think about.

I have a friend of mine that I know that no matter how much things go crazy, they got an inner peace on the inside of them.

I have a friend of mine that I know that no matter when things are going south, they still maintain a little bit of joy.

What if you bringing Jesus into every relationship is actually a witness to help somebody to encounter the living God?

We have to make sure that in all of our establishing of people that we bring Jesus into the relationship.

Here's the second thing that I want you to write down honesty.

We have to bring Jesus, but we have to be honest.

Oh, I want you to see this in the text.

The Bible says this.

It says there was a moment when the attendees knew that they were running out of wine.

So that means that they were probably doing their thing, going back and forth, bringing drinks to the table, doing all those things.

But at some point, someone was able to take inventory and be honest about where they were.

We're starting to run a little bit low.

We got another crate in the back.

Like, nah, what you see is all we got.

We have to embrace reality because a lot of times we can be so faithful that we can stop looking at reality.

If I can be honest with you.

Now, here's the thing.

Being faith-filled is not a person that denies reality.

It means that I believe God in spite of them.

But I need to be honest about where we are.

I need to be honest about what things are going on.

I need to be honest about these things.

Because if not, how can we effectively move forward?

We could be running on fumes, and if we don't acknowledge it, we're not going to put ourselves in a position to get filled up.

I remember Megan and I, we went on a road trip, and I have a very strict regimen on the way that I maneuver when I'm going on a road trip.

Typically, my rhythm is this I get up, I go and get the car washed, and then I get gas.

I like to leave with the tank full.

That's just my rhythm.

It's how I work, it's the way I operate.

Well, on this particular day, we're running a little bit behind.

It's Megan's fault.

Anyway, we're running a little bit behind.

And so I had a choice to make.

I can either go get the car washed or I could go and get gas.

So I had to take inventory.

I had to go get that car washed because I'm not going to be driving down the road and and my and my car be dirty because I'm like, we can get we can get gas on the way.

So I get inside the car and I have one of those cars that it tells you about how far you can go before you hit E.

It said 100 miles.

Great.

I could be well down the road before we need to stop.

In fact, I know the gas station we're gonna stop at.

It's all good, no worries whatsoever.

But also, that that gas station, it can, it can be a little misleading because depending on how fast you're driving, um, and I was doing the speed limits for any cops that's in here, uh, but but depending on how fast you're driving, it can fluctuate.

So 100 miles quickly went down to 68, which really quickly went down to 32, and now it's at 19, and I'm in this in-between spot.

Like, you know, sometimes we have like preferences of where we like to get gas.

I'm riding on 95, and I'm like, I'm now at like eight miles before it says that I'm gonna hit E.

I'm in one of these weird spots where I don't know where to get off at.

I don't see any things over there.

I get off, I'm riding down this back road.

It's kind of where scary movies start at, and we know how that turns out for black people.

Like, I'm I'm I'm I'm trying to I'm trying to figure and it was like getting dust.

I'm like Meg, I don't know.

Like we I like like so.

We're in this weird spot where we're like running out, and I look at the gas tank, and then it just goes to straight dashes, like no more miles, and then it just pops up to this good look, like, like you were told.

So we we f we finally make it to this gas station on fumes.

On fumes, we finally get to the gas station.

It's all good.

Megan was a little bit in our feelings, it's all right, but we got there, and I was like, girl, it was just the way I planned it.

Um but but but here's my point imagine if I ignored those signs.

Uh imagine if I didn't pay attention to those signs saying, you're running low, you're you're running low on fumes.

You gotta be honest about where you are.

And what my concern is that sometimes we're in relationships and we're not honest about where they are, and we end up running on fumes, and then we find ourselves stranded on some back road without any reception.

And then we're asking ourselves, how did we get here and how do we get out of here?

But when you can be honest about where you are, you can be honest about how you're feeling, you can be honest about the way that things look, that's when you begin to experience the healing and blessing that God truly has for you.

See, I firmly believe this.

It is sometimes when we're running on fumes that we can end up stranded and in this broken place.

But do we need to fill up?

See, the truth shall set you free, is what the Bible says.

But if we're not truthful about where we are, we won't get to the place that God has calling us to be.

It is so hard to be free when we don't recognize that we're in bondage.

It is so hard to be healed when we don't recognize that we're sick.

To struggle doesn't mean that you're weak.

A sign of weakness is when you ignore it.

I'm going to ignore it because I don't want to deal with the reality of it.

In order for you to truly have happiness in thriving relationships, we have to be honest about where we are.

We have to take inventory.

Here's the third thing I want you to write down: communication.

Communication, communication, communication.

So I want you to see this.

They're running low.

They took inventory.

So Jesus is there.

They took inventory, they were honest about where they were.

But Mary goes and has a conversation with Jesus.

Let me let me say this again.

They were running low.

Mary went and told Jesus about what was going on.

She didn't assume that he knew.

If there ever is a person who should be fully aware of everything that's going on, it would be Jesus.

But yet, Mary still said, I need to go and get Jesus involved.

We need to have a conversation.

We need to communicate about this.

I don't know who this is for, but I want you to lean in real close.

I don't know who needs to hear this.

The silent treatment is not an effective strategy for communication.

You you may get you may get results from it.

You you may even get a response, but you're not going to get what you want.

Because what you want is for there to be lasting change.

But lasting change happens through conversations, not holding your partner emotionally hostage and they're just reacting to what you're saying.

There I said it.

You have to communicate.

You cannot assume that people are going to know, even if you've had those conversations.

Sarcasm is not an effective strategy for communication.

Being passive aggressive is not an effective strategy for communication.

We need to communicate what's on our minds and what's on our hearts.

Watch this.

So, just two weeks ago, Megan and I are about to go and catch a flight.

Going to DC, no surprise.

We're about to go to DC, and so as we're about to leave, she says these five words to me that that could be quite frustrating.

Here they are.

Are you going to wear that?

To which my response is, what?

The outfit that I've had on for the past hour that you saw me lay out in iron last night?

That outfit, this, this, is that what you're asking me about?

She's like, yeah, I don't like that shirt.

To which I say, when did you decide that you did not like this shirt?

Well, it's not just that shirt.

I don't like you in plaid, period.

So the whole genre of plaid is off the table for me.

As I look over my shoulder, and there's a whole section in my closet filled with plaid dirt.

You can imagine the conversation that we had going from there.

I was like, where does this come from?

She said, I've never liked you in plaid.

We've been together for 26 years.

You were with me just last week when I bought a plaid shirt.

Why didn't you say something?

She said, because I I knew you were going to react the way I'm like, no, I'm not reacting to your taste.

I'm reacting to your silence.

Why wouldn't you have said something?

Catch this.

You didn't like the way something looked.

You didn't like the way that things felt.

Why were you silent on it?

See how I pivoted that?

If you don't like the way that things are fitting in your relationship, if you don't like the way that things are looking, you you have to communicate it.

You have to say something.

And expecting people to just be able to fill in the dots is putting an expectation on them that they just can't always maintain.

Do you know what she said to me?

She said, I thought you would have noticed that whenever you wear your plaid shirts, I always watch them last.

I'm just hoping that I can stretch it out.

And that you would have picked up the hint.

I am not Sherlock Holmes.

You gotta break it down and make it plain for me.

I am not gonna use deductive reasoning in order to understand what's on your mind.

You have to communicate it.

She said, Well, since you said that, I don't like this cologne.

I don't, I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

What listen, one thing at a time, honey.

One thing at a time.

Now, now here's the thing, here's the thing.

I wanna I want to make sure I say this because communication, it's I I feel like I need to say this.

There's there's components to it.

So communication is comprised of some very important ingredients.

That's words, saying words, not body language, it's words, it's not silent treatment, it's words.

You have to you have to use words.

It also involves listening, and it also involves responding.

It's a it's a dance, it's a it's a two-way street.

We have to make sure.

Now, when it comes to words, I want to say this we have to be mindful of the timing, the tone, and making sure that we're focused on the target.

Is this the best time for this conversation?

What is my tone in this conversation?

And we got to make sure we're attacking the target and not each other.

We have to be mindful of the timing, the tone, and the target.

Let me say it this way: if the Eagles are in the Super Bowl, this is not the best time to talk about anything except for the Eagles being in the Super Bowl.

Let me just let me just lay that out there.

You have to be mindful of the timing because you want to make sure that what you're saying can be adequately received.

Tone.

Speak from your heart, be passionate by all means, but please don't allow your emotions to hold the conversation hostage because we can't move past the emotions sometimes and get to the meat of the issue.

Make sure we're mindful of the tone and make sure we understand.

We're on the same team.

We're on the same team.

We're gonna attack the issues, not each other.

But also with the words, there's also listening, or I can say active listening.

We live in a world where we love to multitask, but if we honestly expect to have meaningful conversations, it may mean putting the phone down, having eye contact, actually actively listening, not hearing.

There's a difference between hearing and actively listening.

Hearing is, like, let me give you this example.

Now that my son is, he's 17, and I'm trying to make sure that I raise him on like the golden era of hip-hop, like in the 90s with Tribe Call Quest and Nas and Jay-Z and Roots and all that stuff.

So I understand I want him to have his his southern influences.

I don't know, Kodak Black, I don't know who you listen to nowadays.

Um, Migos, I like I don't know what you listen to, it's fine, but I want to make sure that it's counterbalanced with what I'm used to listening to.

But every time we get in the car and we're riding, I'm like, man, this is what real hip-hop, this is like, this is what it really is.

I'm actually like listening to the lyrics now, and I'm like, oh my gosh, like, what was I doing listening to that when I was 12?

Like, you ever like go back and hear something and you're like, I'm so surprised that I was listening to that when I was so young, I didn't know that they were talking about that.

I grew up on Luther Van Dros.

I had no idea he was talking about sex all the time.

I didn't know.

But there's a difference between hearing something and listening to something.

And when you're listening to something, you're actually processing every word that is being said and you're internalizing it so that you can have an appropriate response.

When you're having a conversation with someone, don't just hear them, actively listen to them so that you can have an appropriate response.

And then here's the last thing please respond.

Please, sir, please respond.

Please, ma'am, please respond.

Like you want to make sure that you respond, but not that you just respond, but you respond appropriately.

That you respond graciously, that you respond with compassion.

I want to draw your attention to the conversation with Jesus and Mary.

Jesus.

What's that really got to do with me?

Okay, whatever he says, do, do it.

And then Jesus responds accordingly.

Here's what I need you to see in the nuances of this text.

Jesus was in a situation where he didn't want to step out into his calling as of yet.

But Mary said, As your mother, I think it's time.

And he responded respectfully with honor because he didn't want to dishonor what his mom was telling him to do.

When we're listening to people, we're hearing them, we're listening, we're taking it all in, but respond respectfully.

Young people, your parents may be right, they may be wrong, respond with honor.

Older people, as you're talking to your children and you're hearing them out, respond with honor and respect.

Jesus modeled for us that even in moments where we're not in agreement, I'm going to respond accordingly.

That's a crucial component.

Let's get to number four.

We're about to wrap this thing up.

Number four, on ways to effectively have happiness in our relationships is flexibility.

Flexibility.

Flexibility, flexibility, flexibility.

Watch this.

The Bible says that after Mary kind of led Jesus into his moment, what the Bible says is that he turns and he says, Okay, fine.

Get the six water pots out and and fill them up with water.

Now, these these water pots were used for ceremonial cleansing, or let me make that more plain, basically for washing hands.

They didn't have like running water like we do, so they had these pots that they would use to wash their hands.

But they they had actual containers that they could have pulled for wine.

But Jesus was doing a new thing.

He repurposed something that was already existing.

And I and I often wonder, what would it have looked like if the attendees would have said, hey, hey, Jesus, um, we we don't use these pots for miracles.

We actually use these over here.

Um so I know you want to do your whole Jesus thing, cool, I'm I'm all for it.

Um but but can you can you do it this way?

No.

They had to, they had to be flexible, they had to repurpose something that was right in front of them.

I I want you to hear me from the depths of my soul.

Your way is not the only way.

You know what?

This is like group therapy.

We're gonna all say this together.

I want y'all to repeat after me.

I want y'all, I want y'all to say this online, everybody.

My way is not the only way.

Let's say it.

My way is not the only way.

Woo! Let's say it one more time.

My way is not the only way.

I I know that we have preferences.

I know we have ideas about how we want things done.

But when you can embrace that my way is not the only way, imagine the peace that can exist in your relationship.

So much tension and friction happens because it's not a matter, are we getting it done?

Are we being effective and moving down a field?

It's am I doing it the exact same way that you want me to do it?

And and here's how I like to look at that.

That's almost like that's almost like going to a tailor and having an outfit made just for you and then expecting it to fit someone else.

We're all wired differently.

And I think the distinction is this: yes, we should have standards, we should be consistent, but giving flexibility means giving people the room to get there the way that God has wired them.

We have to be flexible in our relationships.

And in moments of frustration for me, it's been when I'm trying to force my way onto someone else.

When I'm trying to force my way even onto my kids, I'm learning that I need to be flexible and give them the room to discover things on our own.

As long as we're working towards a goal and as long as we're not minimizing the standards, I have to give you room to grow and to do things the way that God has wired you.

That your way is not the only way we have to be flexible.

Here's the fifth and final thing trust.

We have to have trust.

Jesus tells the servants to go and pour the wine out and take it to the head master.

Now, scripture in no way insinuates what took place.

The servants don't know when the water was turned to wine.

There's no mention in scripture of Jesus doing a big magical powerful prayer.

All we know is he says, hey, get those six water pots, fill it with water, go take it to the head waiter.

They had to trust that as they poured out, that the change had taken place.

They had to trust that if I am obedient to what God has instructed me to do, I will see the results.

I have such deep trust in my wife.

But you know what supersedes that?

My trust in God.

I trust the God that my wife serves.

I trust the God in my wife.

Scripture says, place no confidence in the flesh.

It doesn't mean that we don't have standards and expectations when we're in relationships, but I've learned that as long as I can trust God and the God that's moving in my wife's life, our relationship has trust.

If my trust is exclusively on her, then every little thing can shift it.

Now, now I want you to hear me.

Maybe you're in here and there has been an egregious breach of trust.

We have to acknowledge that.

I'm so sorry if there has been fractured and broken trust.

It it grieves me to my soul that that we have to walk through those things.

And it's in those moments that I believe that we need to make sure that we're getting adequate care and counseling on how to move forward.

If you're the person that that perpetrated the breach of trust, you got to be patient with the process and how we can restore it and understanding that we're all on this journey of us getting back to a place where we're unified.

I that's completely understandable.

But what you don't want is to be held hostage to a situation forever.

At some point, we have to involve God, we have to involve counselors, and we have to trust that God is in it.

Let me say it this way: you have to be willing to pour yourself into your relationships and trust that God's going to change them.

You you have to be willing to pour yourself into your children and trust that God is in it.

You you have to be willing to pour yourself even into your workplace and trust that God is in it.

You have to pour yourself into the environments that God has you in and trust the God that's in it and the God that's with you.

In order for us to have true happiness, it can't be exclusively on the behaviors of a person.

That's part of it.

But I have to have trust in something much bigger.

I trust that God is with me, I trust that God is with my wife, and I trust that He's working all things together for the good.

If you truly want to experience happiness in relationships, it's it's gonna require making sure that Jesus is a part of it.

It's it's gonna require being honest and transparent about where we are, it's gonna require us to communicate what's going on with the timing and the and the tone and make sure we're targeting the issues.

We have to do all of those things.

But we also gotta make sure that we have trust.

Trusting that God is working all things together for the good.

The Bible says that after they poured out, that the head waiter he tasted it, and it was like, bro.

Like ordinarily people front load the good stuff and then they put in the cheap stuff on the back end.

But you you saved the best until later.

I I wanna I wanna prophesy to somebody right now that your best days are not in the past, but Jesus makes them better.

That when Jesus gets involved, it gets better.

When Jesus gets involved in your family, it gets better.

When Jesus gets involved in your marriage, it gets better.

When Jesus gets involved, Jesus is always going to make it better.

I think sometimes we cheat on the future because we romanticize the past.

And the way that things used to be is what we think is the best.

But when we presence God in our situation now, He makes it better.

What I'm aware of is that we all are going through things, we all have messy relational dynamics.

It takes it takes a team for it to work together.

I can't do it on my own.

I realize it requires cooperation.

This is not meant to be a boilerplate message that's like, okay, I'll do these five things and everything's gonna work itself out.

What I'm trying to do is give you some handles and some practicality that if you want to see change, it's gonna require the things that we talked about, but it's also gonna require cooperation.

But I want to ask a question.

I've been thinking and and praying.

Praying and processing in this moment all week.

And as I've talked with family members and friends, even doing a deep dive in my own life, kind of doing with the service to take an inventory.

And where am I with my my relationship with my siblings?

Where am I in my relationships with my my coworkers?

Where am I in my relationships with friends that I don't talk to?

Where where are we taking inventory?

Maybe the idea of that alone is allowing you to recognize that man, there's some areas or some relationships we're running alone.

I've been thinking about you.

And I want to pray for you.

So thank you.

It could be any scenario of areas.

It could be any scenario of relationships.

Remember, running alone isn't a sign of weakness.

Ignoring it.

But I want to pray for you because I believe that there's a grace in here that can begin to allow us to position ourselves and get filled up so we can continue to move forward in the direction that God is calling us to go into.

But I want to know what I'm praying for.

So if you're in here right now, I want you to boldly lift your hands up and say, I need a I need a I need a move of God in a relationship, an area of my life.

It could be a parent, it could be a sibling, it could be a marriage, it could be a dating scenario.

Beautiful, and I thank you so much for your boldness.

I do.

We're gonna go into worship right now, and I'm gonna ask for us all to stand on our feet in preparation for what God is going to do.

But as we prepare to go into worship, we're gonna pivot really quick.

Vinny, I want to ask everyone who put their hands up to come down here.

Meet me at the altar right now.

Don't leave, don't run out.

Somebody lock the back doors.

Come on down.

Come on down.

I want to be able to look you in your eyes.

I want to be able to see you.

I want to be able to pray.

Church, can we put our hands together for everybody that's that's taking that bold step and and coming up and acknowledging?

You can come on up here.

Please come on up here.

I want to make room for all of us.

Come on in here.

If I have any staff or team members, I just want to kind of be on the edges, prepared to pray.

Because I realize that when there's a when there's a struggle in a relationship, that when there's something that's not quite the way that we want it to be, we can be resistant on pouring out.

But I believe you stepping out here right now is you walking by faith and saying, This is me pouring out.

This is me expecting Jesus to do it.

And this is that moment where Mary says that whatever he says, do, do it.

And you're at the altar right now.

I think the next step will be as God begins to put on your heart to pour out, to invest, to reach out, that you're going to begin to see the change take place.

The change didn't take place until they poured out.

And some of us need to be generous with pouring out and reaching out to people in our lives.

Because I know that Jesus changes everything.

He changes everything.

We just have to put it into his hands.

Would you all up here at this altar of mind lifting your hands up to God as a sign of surrender?

For those who couldn't make it up, you can lift your hands up as well.

But I'm also going to ask for those who things are great.

Can you extend a hand supporting those with an expectation that God's going to meet them where they are?

Heavenly Father, you see every hand that's lifted.

Lord, you have given us the gift of relationships.

But God, we also know they can be a source of pain.

They could be a source of frustration.

They could be a place of disappointment.

Father, I pray for every parent-child relationship right now in the name of Jesus.

A relationship that should be unified and with mutual respect and honor, God, can become so complicated and messy.

So, Father, I pray that you begin to heal and mend broken relationships with fathers and sons, and fathers and daughters, mothers and daughters, mothers and sons.

Father, I'm praying that you begin to unify and begin to move on the hearts of your people and that they can have the boldness to pour out with an expectation, God, that they will see the change.

Lord, I pray for every marriage right now in the name of Jesus.

Your word declares that what you have joined together, let no man put asunder.

So, Father, we stand on your word with an expectation, God, that if we can presence you, God, that if we can communicate, if we can be honest, if we can be flexible, and if we can pour out, God, that we will see the change take place, Father.

I come against the voice of the adversary that's trying to convince people that their breakthrough and that their best days are behind them.

No, you make everything better.

You change everything, Father.

So I'm praying that you change these relationships.

I'm praying for those who are dating, who are working towards marriage, God.

I pray that you bring unity and peace, God.

I pray for relationships at work between bosses and other individuals' co-workers, God.

These environments we spend so much time in, Lord, that could be so filled with pressure.

But God, we pray that you bring peace.

As we presence you, we're asking for healing.

As we presence you, we're asking for breakthrough.

As we presence you, we're asking for chains to be broken.

So, Father, I pray that you mend the relationships and allow these relationships to be an example of what does it mean for reconciliation.

As we pray, I pray that we were recognizing that our relationships are meant to be a beacon of life that draws people towards hope.

So, Father, in the name of Jesus, we silence the voice of the enemy.

We're thankful, God, that you're with your people, that you're bringing change.

You're going to give us the boldness and the strength to pour out with an expectation that we're going to see change.

So, Father, we recognize that Jesus changes everything, change our minds, change our hearts, change the way that we walk.

In the name of Jesus, God, we're inviting you to change our relationship.

Come on, church, let's work with God together one more time.

Thanks again for listening.

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