Anatomy of Doubt | Ps. Keith Pittman

Welcome to the Celebration Church Orlando podcast.

Thank you so much for listening today.

We hope it encourages you and inspires you.

Here's today's message.

We got a do we doing better than that?

Are you guys doing good?

There it is.

I need that energy.

I need that energy because what we're about to dig into, it may look a little uncomfortable initially, but I believe if we lean into it, it has the ability to transform every single one of our lives.

If you have your Bibles, I want to invite you to join me in the Gospel of John, chapter 20.

John 20 · chapter mention

The Gospel of John chapter 20.

John 20 · chapter mention

And as you heard Lindsay mention earlier, this is going to be a fully immersive series.

So another thing that we're making available is we're bringing back our season of After the Message, which is our podcast that you can download that's available.

Where really, and kind of like we've already mentioned, it allows the messages to go beyond what I'm doing here, and it turns it into a conversation.

So we'll be kicking that off in conjunction with this series because we do believe that this subject matter is something that's worth discussing beyond just a download from me.

So it's going to be a very powerful uh series.

And so I want to give you some context to the series, uh, just so that you can have some understanding, because I realize that as we say this word, deconstruction, um, some of us may be a little bit unfamiliar with it.

We may not have any uh background or understanding of it.

So I just want to give us a very brief context of it.

What ultimately the definition of deconstruction is is deconstruction is dismantling anything that has been constructed.

So that's the that's the literal definition of it.

But but I I want to make it practical in ways that maybe you can grab a hold of it.

Um if you anybody's old enough and they remember having um an etchasketch where you created some really cool images and they were great, you worked on it for days, years even, and then you have that obnoxious cousin that comes over and shakes it all up and wipes the canvas clean.

Um that's that's ultimately what it is.

It's that's something that's been built up that is now being shakened up, and now it appears as if the canvas is clean.

Maybe um if you have children or been around children that have gone through the painstaking process of building something with their Lego set, and you've helped them as a parent.

This is me talking, I'm probably just doing a little bit of confession.

Helped my kids, looked at the blueprints, did all the work, and then they get tired of it and they just break it down when they're all done.

Like after all this work I did, it's it's breaking it down.

But the idea is that you break it down to build something up.

Well, what deconstruction is, is is the process of where people are beginning to ask questions and break down what does it mean to truly be a follower of Christ?

What does it mean to be a Christian?

Because if we can be honest with ourselves, that if you ask different people different that question, you're going to get different responses.

And so now what we're seeing as a society, we're experiencing what I would define as the great resignation.

That's a phrase that is used in the in the corporate space where a lot of people, which we all have probably experienced, um, a shortage in the workforce because people have transitioned, they've quit, they've started new jobs, they moved away, and so we kind of feel that.

Well, that exact same thing is happening in the Christian world where people are beginning to resign from what it means to be a follower of Christ because there's all types of things that can contribute to it.

Here's a couple of them, and maybe you've experienced them, maybe you're walking through it right now, maybe you have friends who have, maybe you've seen it online, but but the the reasons range.

The the reasons can range from Christianity is is outdated, it's archaic.

Um, it just doesn't, it just doesn't work.

There's aspects of it that I just honestly don't like.

Because if we're honest with ourselves, it is far easier to change what we believed and to change how we behave.

So let me break it down and build something that fits where I'm at a little bit more.

That could be a version of it, but there's other versions where people have gone through suffering, brokenness, disappointment, moments where they've trusted God and they didn't get the results, moments that they prayed and and they didn't see the breakthrough.

They did what they were supposed to do, but they're not seeing it.

And so it's this don't work.

I've I've lived my life and this peace, and I've heard Pastor Keith talk about these things, and I'm not seeing it's not working.

So people are beginning to ask questions to break it down and reevaluate what it really means to be a devoted follower of Christ.

Over the next couple of weeks, we're gonna be talking about these things and really leaning in on some of these topics that that may can make us a little bit uncomfortable.

Topics such as church hurts, topics such as mental health, these areas where sometimes the faith community can be a little bit segmented away from it, but we're gonna lean into it.

But I want to be very abundantly clear that this is a series that is built on hope.

I want to be very clear that Jesus is the answer.

I want to be very clear that Jesus is the only way, but here's the thing that I understand we can't truly adequately recognize that Jesus is the answer if we're not willing to deal with the questions.

What this series is gonna do is allow us to look at the questions so we can understand how to invite Jesus to truly be the answer.

So I hope you guys are prepared to lean in and to rock with us as we dig into this series.

Okay, I'm gonna um I wanna I want to jump now into this passage that we're about to be reading right now.

Oddly enough, we're literally picking up where we left off at last week um with Resurrection Sunday.

Literally, when we left Emmaus and the disciples came back and they began to gather with the disciples that were in the room, that's where we're picking up at.

And what happens is when they come back after Jesus had met them on Emmaus, he broke bread with them, they left Jerusalem, went, or they left Emmaus to go back to Jerusalem.

What the Bible says is they get back and they're in this room with these other disciples, and they're like, You guys will not believe it.

We saw Jesus, he revealed himself to us, and literally what the Bible says is as they were talking, Jesus showed up.

And when Jesus shows up, he says, Peace be unto you.

He then shows them his wounds.

Man, it's me.

Because back then the myth was that maybe that's a spirit, maybe that's a maybe that's a ghost, because they did believe that.

But Jesus, like, no, no, handle me, touch me, see that it is I myself, a spirit has not flesh and bone as I do.

Touch me.

Isn't it beautiful that we serve a living Savior that said it's okay to get close to him and touch him?

That we don't have to look at him as this distant God that we can't come close to, but he invites us to touch him and to see the reality of what it means to be a follower of Christ.

Jesus says, touch me, and so they're they're touching him and they're they're confounded.

He literally breathes on them.

That may seem weird to some of us, but but he breathes on them, which is meant to echo back the moment when God breathed on Adam and He became a living soul.

He breathes on them, he says, Receive the Holy Spirit.

He then tells them that you have an incredible assignment.

I'm gonna do some amazing things through your life, and you're gonna do some amazing things for my kingdom.

This was a transformational moment, a game-changing moment for those disciples that were there, but there was one that wasn't.

There was an empty seat.

And and I believe as we examine this passage, we're gonna get some understanding as to what led to the empty seat, but also how we can now fill that empty seat.

Starting at verse number 24 in John's Gospel in chapter 20, it says that one of the 12 disciples, Thomas, nicknamed the twin, was not with the other disciples when Jesus came.

They told him, We have seen the Lord, but he replied, I won't believe it unless I see the nail wounds in his hand and put my finger in them and place my hand in a wound on his side.

Eight days later, the disciples were gathered together again, and this time Thomas was with them.

The doors were locked, but suddenly, as before, Jesus was standing among them.

Peace be with you, he said.

Then he sees Thomas and he says, Hey, put your finger here.

Look at my hands and put your hand in my wound and my side.

Don't be faithless any longer, but believe.

Verse number 28.

My Lord and my God, Thomas exclaimed.

Then Jesus told him, You believe because you have seen me.

Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.

That's us.

Today I want to kick off this series talking about a very, very important topic.

The topic that Eugene Peterson refers to as the desert of the faith, which is doubt.

If you're taking notes, and of course we are, because this is how we engage the presence of God also here at Celebration Orlando.

We know that when we take notes, we give fast passes into heaven.

So please take notes.

I don't want you to stand in that long line.

Um, I want you to write down this message title, The Anatomy of Doubt.

Let's pray and let's get into it.

Lord, you are so good.

We are so thankful for your presence.

We're thankful that we have opportunities where we can gather because we recognize that your word reminds us that where we're two or three are gathered, there you are amongst us.

So, Holy Spirit, we recognize you're here.

We invite you to have your way.

We pray for open eyes that we can see you.

We pray for open ears to hear you and open hearts to receive.

What it is you want to do in us, Holy Spirit, change us, challenge us, inspire us to take our next step.

It's in Jesus' name that we pray.

Amen.

Amen.

I I'm not sure about your upbringing, but uh for me, I I was raised in a Christian household, in a Christian context.

Now, now my mom wasn't very, very strict, but that certainly was the ecosystem that I was born and raised in.

Now, to give you some context, my my grandfather um was a pastor, holiness.

Now, now if you have never been around holiness, then just Google it, look it up.

And and what you'll find is that this is like a this is like a very strict version of Christianity.

This is like women can't wear pants and makeups type Christianity.

This is like you can't go to the movies.

I can't imagine if I still had that.

I would have missed the entire Avengers.

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

So, so so like that was the context that my mother was raised in, but she didn't raise us that way.

I I kind of look at Christianity similar to how when when uh when a family migrates here from another country, a lot of times that first generation, they may not really speak or understand English at all.

But then the next generation, they they speak English and they speak their native language because they're communicating with their family, but they're also integrated into schools and connecting with the community around them.

Then the generation that comes after that, a lot of times they can understand the native language, but they don't speak it because they spend all of their time interacting with the community that they're in.

And by the fourth generation, you may not understand it at all.

That's kind of how it progressively can remove if we're not super intentional.

Well, the same thing happens a lot of times with Christianity.

You have a version of it that you kind of get from your grandparents, then you have a version of it that's a little bit more watered down, you get another version of it that's watered down, and then you have a point where yeah, there's a form of godliness, but it's not really the standard by which you live your life.

I was probably in like that that second generation phase for me, where God was there, but I didn't live my life like he was really Lord.

So so it didn't take long.

By the time I hit my teenage years, I just started living life on my own terms, kind of doing my own thing.

And I would still pray, like if I had a test that I didn't study for, you know, those moments where you're like, God, I know you're real.

Um, but I know you're real, and I know that you are the one who provides wisdom.

Your word declares that if a man needs wisdom, just pray.

And so I would have it's amazing the scriptures that'll come up when you need it right there on the spot.

Um uh, but then ultimately I just became a CEO.

Christmas and Easter only.

That's when you'll see me in church.

Other than that, man, I'm gonna hit these streets, I'll come in and pay my penance on those days, but I'm gonna live my life on my own terms.

So that was the lifestyle that I lived.

So when I got into high school, it was the first time I was really around people that expressed different beliefs than what I had.

I was around friends who were Muslims and Jehovah's Witnesses, and even some who were atheists, and that was new to me.

Like I had never been exposed to people who were practicing different expressions of faith.

So to me it was confusing, but it it really wasn't a big deal.

That is until I surrendered my life to Christ.

When I fully, fully surrendered my life to Christ.

And that full surrender means that I have to now change my life.

I'm and the fruit of it, I'm beginning to talk different, I'm I'm beginning to think different, I'm I'm engaging and going in an environment differently.

I'm not the same person because I truly believe that any encounter with Christ, you shouldn't stay the same afterwards.

So I'm beginning to go through this process, but it was also in this moment that I'm beginning to get inundated with questions.

I found myself getting caught up into debates, and I remember talking with some of my friends and them throwing things at me that I had never even considered.

Now my faith was strong.

I knew what I had experienced when I fully surrendered my life to Christ, that no one was gonna rip that experience from my heart.

I knew the presence of God.

I knew that God was real, no one was gonna strip what I knew to be a way, but if I could be honest with you, I started to have some questions.

Questions such as, is Jesus really the only way?

Like the only way?

Like the only way.

Like we all got different ways we can get to that.

Like, Jesus is the only way.

I began to wrestle with that as my friends began to say, Keith, you have a narcissistic faith that honestly believes that you're the only one that has the truth.

My faith was strong, but I began to have some questions.

I I had some other questions.

I want y'all to lean in because this is real talk.

I began to actually ask myself, is Christianity the white man's religion?

Because maybe you've never heard that, but I have.

Where my friends would say, You belong to an oppressive faith that will go out and force it on people and force people to be baptized.

Did you know that that religion was used to subject people and to oppress people and to justify slavery?

You signed up for that?

Look at the picture of this blue haired, this blue-eyed, blonde-haired Jesus in the Middle East.

I never thought about it before.

All the Jesus that I saw had six-packs abs and they had the blonde hair and they had the blue eyes.

That's all I knew.

But my friends threw a whole new version of Jesus at me.

I had never considered I had questions.

My faith was strong, but I certainly began to have questions.

I began to question things like when a friend of mine got killed in a car accident, a good man.

Man, why do why do bad things happen to good people?

Make it make sense.

How could a loving God who is just, who is true, who really does love people, how could he allow this to happen?

Oh, family, I can't believe I'm the only one who's ever asked that question.

How could this have happened?

How can I serve a God who would allow that to happen?

My faith was strong, but man, I began to have some questions.

I even had moments where things that I prayed about, things that I knew that lined up with scripture, things that I knew would be God's will, things that I knew would be the benefit of other people, and I didn't see the results.

I've seen people suffer, and my faith was there.

But man, I had some questions.

And as I began to ponder these questions, I was asking myself, is there is there something wrong with me?

That I that I still believe what God's word said, is there something wrong with me that I truly believe that God is who he says he is, that Jesus is who he says he is, but man, I got some questions.

Is it possible to be filled with unmovable faith, but not be able to move forward because you're wrestling with doubt?

I came across a passage in the Gospel of Mark, chapter 9, that changed everything for me.

Mark 9 · chapter mention

What we have here is a young, is a father whose son is demon-possessed, and nobody else is able to help him.

He takes him to the disciples, the disciples can't do it.

And then the father comes to Jesus and says, Lord, if you are willing, can you heal my son?

And Jesus replies back in Mark 9, verse 23 All things are possible to those that believe.

Mark 9:23

Here's the part that changed everything for me.

Verse 24.

The father cried out, I do believe, but help my unbelief.

It became real to me that I understood that you can have areas of your life that you're standing and believing and knowing that God is who he says he is, but you don't believe that you're going to see him do what he said he's going to do in your life.

Have you ever believed God for somebody else, but you don't believe those same things for yourself?

Have you ever prayed for somebody else with the boldness and compassion for them, but you don't pray that same prayer when you're walking through the same situation?

Listen to me, friends.

We all have moments where we truly believe in a power of God, but we also wrestle with unbelief.

I believe it's a significant misconception that we think that when we wrestle with unbelief, that's the same thing as losing our faith.

Truth be told, if we handle our belief in the right way, it can actually draw us closer to Jesus.

See, when I began to look at what this word unbelief means, when I began to look at what this word doubt means, I have a definition that I think we probably feel more comfortable with.

Because the truth of the matter is when we hear that word doubt, it can make us feel uncomfortable.

Because the Bible speaks so much about faith, not doubting.

And it's like, man, well, I don't want to even say that.

So I say I have faith, but let me give you some other words that can maybe make you feel a little bit better as we talk about this.

You know, when you have doubt, another word that you can use is uncertain.

That lightens the word a little bit, doesn't it?

It means to lack confidence.

That lightens the word a little bit.

It means to be hesitant.

See, when you use those words, you'd be hard pressed to not recognize moments where maybe you were a little bit uncertain, where maybe you lacked confidence, where maybe you were a little bit hesitant.

See, see, I I remember this.

Remember uh Megan a couple of years ago when um we were balling on a budget, and um we bought um we bought that bunk bed set from Amazon that was super cheap.

So here are things that you typically don't want to hear when you're talking about keeping your kids' faith.

Discount bunk bed set super cheap.

Something about that probably doesn't mean that that's a good idea, but nonetheless, that's what we got.

And so I remember putting it together, and after I assembled it, I knew for a fact I followed the instructions to a T.

I was meticulously making sure there were no extra parts left over, everything was on there, everything was good, but I remember just like touching that thing and it was unstable.

Now watch this.

I knew I had followed the instructions, but I wasn't confident that my daughter was gonna get crushed when Caleb got into bed.

I just didn't know.

Watch this.

Many of us are following the instructions of God's word, but there's areas where it's not uh it's not that stable, so we still wrestle with is this thing gonna crush me?

Is this gonna is this gonna be something that's gonna weigh in on me?

I know what God's word says about it, but if I'm looking at this thing, if I could be honest, it doesn't look as if it's gonna hold up.

This is what I'm talking about when it says you can construct your life on one thing, but still wrestle with whether or not it can really handle the weight of what you're walking in.

When I began to look at it through this filter, I then was able to identify that there are so many people that we consider to be heroes of the faith that have walked through seasons of uncertainty.

Abraham, he had the faith to follow God and walk away from everything he knew, but he wasn't certain that God was gonna allow him to have his son.

So now Ishmael enters the chat.

He took matters into his own hand.

I got the faith that God is gonna do what he says he's gonna do, but I'm still gonna do things on my own terms.

Moses, he was a person who wrestled with doubt.

When God came to him and said, Man, I'm gonna use you to do some incredible things.

Moses began to create every excuse because he was uncertain that he was the man for the job.

Gideon was invited to lead the children of Israel to a place of victory, but he asked God to confirm it multiple times because he was dealing with a little bit of uncertainty.

Even Peter, Peter had the faith to get out of the boat, but when the waves began to rise up, he began uncertain on whether or not he could stay there and he began to sink.

I'm telling you, family, it is possible for you to have a person that's strong in your faith, but at the same time begin to sink in your doubt and fears.

So, what do you do when you have those moments where you're wrestling with this?

I I want to submit to you that doubt is an inevitable part of the Christian journey.

And maybe you may not doubt God in his entirety, but it's possible to be a person of faith and still doubt that your marriage can be restored.

It's possible to be a person of faith, but doubt is if you're ever going to be married at all.

And doubt if you're going to ever have that child, doubt if you're ever going to be debt free, doubt if you're ever going to get that breakthrough.

It's possible that you can come to church, raise your hands, sing hallelujah, God is good every single day, and still go home and cry because you're not seeing it in the reality of your life.

It is possible to be a person that has strong faith and crippling doubt at the same time.

But here's the thing doubt does not have to be a dead end.

As long as we put it into the hands of a living Savior.

As long as I take what I'm wrestling with, what I'm struggling with, and I put it into the hands of God, then it doesn't have to be a dead end.

It's not a matter of if I'm ever going to doubt.

It's going to be of how do I respond when I begin to.

This is why I believe that this narrative with Thomas is so powerful.

And if I could be honest with you, man, I think Thomas gets a bad rap.

Because if we're honest with ourselves, if you've been around the church world, then you know him as doubting Thomas.

That I remember when I was coming up in the faith that people would find little sly ways to throw shade.

You ever heard like Christian shade where people try to like rebuke you but use scripture to do it?

Like, hey, don't be a doubting Thomas.

Like, it's amazing how that idea of Thomas having a moment where he was wavering in his faith is now the way that he is forever identified.

Isn't that crazy?

That literally doesn't happen to anyone else in Scripture.

Like we, Moses killed a man.

We don't ever say, well, there goes murdering Moses.

Peter cut a man's ear off, like, oh, guard your ears, Peter's coming through.

Paul was putting people in prison.

Watch yourself, Paul's coming.

Like, no one is identified by their weakest moments except for when you're doubting.

Why is it that when we find out that someone is struggling with their faith, that we treat them like a pariah?

That it's somehow it's the thing that we begin to reject and push them away.

Could it be that we don't have grace for the people that we used to be?

Don't y'all play with me, man.

Don't y'all play with me.

Okay, watch.

We're gonna move on because we okay.

Okay, I got three things I want y'all to write down.

I got three things I want y'all to write down because I believe that this is gonna be something that can transform your life when you walk through seasons where you're doubting, when you're walking through moments where you're uncertain, when you're walking through seasons where you don't feel secure.

Here's the first thing I want you to do: stay connected to community.

Stay connected to community.

Thomas was called to be a follower of Christ.

Thomas did some amazing things in the three and a half years that he was following Christ in the context of community.

He had great expectations on what his life was going to look like.

But the moment that Jesus died, it changed everything for Thomas.

We all have different ways that we handle disappointment.

The Bible tells us that the disciples came together, that Jesus shows up, that he presents himself to them.

It's a powerful life transformational moment.

Literally, something that changes the game.

And Thomas wasn't there.

Thomas stayed home.

Doubt occupied the seat that Thomas should have been sitting in.

It's amazing when we experience doubt, when we experience uncertainty, how we can so quickly disconnect from community.

Megan and I, we we love being a part of community.

It's it's something that we've always admired doing.

We we we lead uh a marriage group, I lead a men's group, she leads uh a women's group.

Like it's something that we truly love to do.

And and just last week, um, we had some of the married couples over that could make it to our home just for a time for us to all come together to hang out.

We were all there, we were laughing, we were joking, they were raving about how amazing my smoke tie chili wings were and my smoked queso.

Some of them even encouraged me and came alongside.

Man, I'll be an angel investor.

If you want to launch a Pittman pit shop restaurant, man, I'm all for it.

I'm like, man, like I got my calling, but you're right, I may start offering wings with every person that gets saved.

Like, so so who who knows?

Church will be packed overnight.

But as we're sitting there and we're all laughing and joking, I was looking around the room, and as I was looking at the couples and the people, I began to think about the stories that represented them.

I began to think about the things that they've walked through, I began to think about that the couples that have struggled, I began to think about all the different things, and now I'm watching them all together laughing and encouraged and seeing the beauty of being connected to community.

I was filled with so much joy, but then I simultaneously got filled with such deep sadness because when I looked at the stories that were in that room, I also thought about people who are walking through the exact same thing, but they're doing it away from community.

I began to think about the people that are struggling in their marriage, but they haven't done it in the context of community.

I began to think about people who have who have walked through losing a child that they haven't invited community in, so they're suffering and silence and everything around them is suffering.

Thomas was going through a tough season and he began to process it in isolation.

But the beautiful thing about when you are connected to a community, that when you don't show up, they show up.

Because what the Bible says is that when the disciples finished their gathering with Jesus, they were like, yo, we gotta go get Thomas.

They they pulled up heavy, they pulled up, and I could, I mean, maybe, maybe Thomas didn't want to be bothered.

Maybe, maybe Thomas was like, yo, bro, like, man, like you should have called first, man.

This really isn't a good time.

Like, Thomas could have came up with any excuse, but they they bombarded his house and they're like, bro, we've seen Jesus.

That's the beautiful thing about when you're connected to community, is that they can recognize when you're not where you're supposed to be.

That they can recognize when you're not in the position that you're supposed to be in.

They can recognize when things are off.

And the beautiful thing is they will not leave you there.

That's the thing that's important when we're walking through the difficult seasons of our lives, is make sure you're not doing it on your own.

Make sure you're not in isolation.

I I gotta be honest with you guys.

In the past year, Megan and I have sat across from more couples going through marital crisis than we have in the previous 20 years of ministry combined.

There was an all-out assault on marriages.

And as I sit back and I look at all the success stories of people who have survived, it was because they were connected to community that refused to let them stay where they were.

See, sometimes you just need some people that can see.

I know that you're struggling right now, but this is not God's best for you.

And I'm willing to invade your comfort zones.

I'm willing to let you know that God has more for your life than where you are right now.

I know that you don't feel like fighting, I'll fight for you.

I know you don't feel like praying, but I'll pray for you.

I know you don't feel like holding your arms up, so I'll hold your arms up for you.

When you're connected to community, they will not let you die in the dish.

They will make sure that you thrive in the garden, but you gotta make sure that you're connected to community.

Don't suffer in isolation.

The disciples came and found Thomas because he was connected to a community beyond himself, even when he was wrestling with his deepest doubt.

Here's the next thing that I want us to do: get clarity.

Make sure you stay connected to community, but also get clarity.

When they showed up and they began to talk to Thomas about what they experienced, Thomas was like, Man, listen, I hear what you're saying.

Um, but man, I I won't believe it unless I see it for myself.

Now, I know for some of us that sounds very aggressive, and it's basically asking God to prove Himself, but I I want to contextualize that as in a way that I think we can understand.

What he was saying is, I just need confirmation.

I I hear what you're saying, but I just I need it to become real to me because what I'm wrestling with right now, it can't come second hand.

This can't become something that I highlight on a page, but it's not highlighted in my heart.

I need this to become real to me.

See, Thomas, he was a very practical man.

When we actually look at his other expressions in scripture, it kind of gives us a glimpse into his personality.

Thomas was outspoken, and Thomas was very, very practical.

God made him that way.

So, so so in John 11, when Jesus is like, hey man, we're gonna go back to Jerusalem because we're gonna go check on Lazarus.

Thomas was the one who spoke up and said, Okay, the last time we were in Jerusalem, they tried to kill you.

So you want to go back.

Cool, we're gonna all go there and die now.

Like, Thomas was that guy.

He was just super practical.

You want to go back to Jerusalem when they're trying to kill you?

Fine, let's go die then.

Like, Thomas was that dude.

Super practical.

He was also the guy in John chapter 14 when Jesus is speaking in his beautiful poetry, like, I'm going to a place that you know not, and where I'm going, you cannot go, but I go to prepare a place for you.

John 14 · chapter mention

In my father's house, there are many mansions.

Beautiful.

Thomas was like, Nobody knows what you're talking about, Jesus.

I need you to put the cookies on a lower shelf so we can reach them.

Thomas was that guy.

He was a guy that's gonna ask questions.

He's that guy that's gonna try to get clarity.

So are we surprised that when Jesus dies brutally in front of him, and he's like, bro, okay, it was a good run.

It was a good run.

I'm gonna get back to doing what I used to do.

It's a good run, I'll have some good memories to talk about.

So are we surprised that when he has this moment where the disciples come to him, he's like, Man, I just need a little bit of confirmation.

We all have had those moments where we need confirmation, but the thing I want you guys to understand, it is okay to ask questions.

It is okay to seek clarity, it is okay to pursue understanding.

The book of Proverbs is literally written all about wisdom and the importance of us positioning ourselves to get it.

This is why God says to love me with all your heart, your mind, and your strength.

Contrary to popular belief, Christianity is not a faith that requires you to check your brain at the door.

You can actually bring your thought process in here and consider and think critically about what it is that I believe to ensure that it matches up with the word of God and with history.

You don't have to check your brain at the door.

I love that Proverbs chapter 4, verse 7 says, Wisdom is supreme.

Proverbs 4:7

So get wisdom and whatever you do, get understanding.

He's like, I want you to be a person that asks questions.

I want you to be a person that thinks critically.

I want you to look at research.

I want you to do all these things.

In fact, one of the teaching models that Jesus would use along with the other disciples is the Socratic method.

And what the Socratic method was, it's a methodology of asking questions and follow-up questions to stoke critical thinking.

They never wanted them to just take a, okay, if God says it, I'll do it.

But it's like, okay, but why did God say it?

And what does that mean for me when God said it?

And why did Jesus have to die on a cross?

And when he died on the cross, how do I know that was atonement for all mankind?

These are questions that it is absolutely okay to answer and to ask.

God brings us on a journey and he reveals aspects of to himself of us to him every single step of the way.

I've known Megan for 31 years.

31 years.

We met each other as freshmen.

We've been together going on 27 years.

We got some mileage, y'all.

We got some mileage.

But but but watch this.

I'm still learning things about Megan.

Like, she doesn't like any of the movies that I like.

Like, we we can watch a movie that I was excited about.

I can have a follow-up conversation with her about it, and she's like, did we see that?

I'm like, yes, this receipt shows.

Do you know how much money I would save if you just told me you didn't like sci-fi?

But now you're coming to these movies, so I want to go, and you don't even retain it because you're not interested in it.

I'm talking to her about what's happening with the Avengers.

She's bringing Batman up.

Is this the part where Batman comes out?

No.

No.

Somebody's like, isn't that the part we come?

No, it's a whole different genre.

But watch this.

I've known her for 31 years and I'm still learning things about her.

How much longer will it take for me to learn about the God of the universe?

Why do we feel that I can Google what is God and that's gonna download into my brain and I got everything figured out in one moment?

If I'm learning things about my wife and we're finite, how much more is this journey of faith gonna take us as we're walking with God and we're learning new things about him?

And when I hit a season of suffering, but I gotta walk through it, and God's gonna reveal another aspect of himself to me through it when I'm dealing with disappointment.

But God lets me know that he's with me.

And even when I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death, that God is with somehow we walk through seasons and God reveals himself to us in them that allows me to understand that you are my provider.

You're not a provider, you're not their provider, but you're my provider.

Every now and then God will walk you through some personal things so he can become your personal savior.

It's okay to ask questions.

It is okay to ponder some things, but I do want to submit this to you.

Make sure you understand the motivation of your resistance.

Here's a couple of questions I'm gonna throw them out to you, and I've got to go quick.

So here's some questions that I ask of myself before I expect answers from him.

Here's the first thing I ask: why am I asking this?

What's the motivation behind it?

Are my emotions, is there pains, are there wounds?

I need to understand why I am hesitant in resisting to the very thing that I'm looking at.

The other thing that I ask myself is what is the outcome that I'm looking for?

Because the truth of the matter is, a lot of times our biggest resistance comes in the areas where we need the biggest change.

And it's easier to change what I believe than to change how I behave.

So we can ask questions to justify staying the same.

The other question that I ask is, where am I looking?

What environments am I engaging in?

Am I engaging in environments that are going to give me truth, or am I looking for areas that's just gonna confirm how I already feel?

That's called confirmation bias.

I'm just looking for areas that can just make me feel good about myself and won't challenge me to come out of myself.

This is kind of similar to when the angels were speaking to Mary in the garden and they said to her, Why are you looking for the living amongst the dead?

In other words, why am I looking to dead environments to give me information on a living God?

Who?

Who am I talking to?

Am I talking to people that are going to give me clarity and perspective?

Or am I talking to people that's just going to continue to drag me in a direction that's not going to let me grow?

The last thing that I ask of myself is this how will I know?

How will I know?

Because the truth of the matter is if we don't put an expiration date on our uncertainty, we will live there forever.

And I will just stay there.

And I'll just stay there.

And even though God's trying to move me forward, even though He's confirmed it three times, I continue to stay there.

So I ask myself, how will I know that God has spoken so I can start moving forward and stop looking in the rearview mirror?

Ask yourself, how will I know?

Because you don't want to be a hostage to your own insecurities.

Jesus can handle your questions as long as you put your hands into the questions of Jesus.

Here's the third and final thing, and we're gonna wrap up.

Um, keep showing up.

Keep showing up.

Let me say this again.

Keep showing up.

This entire narrative is book-ended with two gatherings.

The first gathering, Thomas wasn't there, and he missed out on what God was trying to do.

The second gathering, Thomas was there.

I often wonder, imagine if Thomas didn't come to the second gathering.

He didn't come to the third gathering, he didn't come to the fourth gathering, he didn't come to the fifth gathering.

Thomas could have taken a posture and saying, like, well, Jesus knows my heart, and if he's really real, he'll meet me in my living room.

Jesus, like, I don't work that way.

There are no lone wolf followers of me.

You're gonna have to do this in community so we can discern this together.

When you show up, I'll show up.

This is why the Bible says, draw near to God, and then he'll draw near to you.

He says, Behold, I stand at the door and knock, but it's up to us to let him in.

What we have to understand is that we have to keep showing up.

It's interesting that the very thing that Thomas was in need of, he stayed home, but if he would have gone the first time, he would have got.

What are we missing out on because we stopped showing up?

What is the revelation that we would have got if we would have just kept showing up?

It's almost like going to the gym once and expecting a six-pack.

You gotta keep showing up.

And right now, you may not see the results, but you gotta keep showing up.

You're gonna have to change your diet a little bit, but you're gonna have to keep showing up.

You're gonna have to add a little bit more weight to it if you want to get bigger, but you gotta keep showing up.

And as I keep showing up, I'll get stronger.

As I keep showing up, I'll get more stamina.

As I keep showing up, I'll start seeing results.

I'm talking to somebody right now.

Don't you dare stop showing up.

I know that you may be wrestling through some things, but keep showing up.

Your marriage is in the dumps right now, but keep showing up.

You didn't get the breakthrough at the job just yet, but keep showing up.

Don't allow the enemy to make you believe it's better for you there than here.

Here is where Jesus is, here is where community is, here is where hope is.

Don't go out there, stay here.

You gotta keep showing up.

We gotta keep showing up.

When we show up, God shows up, and when God shows up, he absolutely shows off.

You see, um on April 28th, I want to get this right.

On April 28th, it'll be three years since Megan and I were installed as the lead pastors of Celebration Orlando.

Three years.

It's crazy to believe that.

We got installed on April 28th, 2019.

We were living in DC at the time, and um and so from April all the way till the end of June, we would commute every week, um, preach, and then go home.

And that was that was our that was our journey, that was our rhythm.

We finally moved here at the end of June, we began to get connected to the staff that we inherited, begin to get connected to the community that we inherited.

And wouldn't you have it that within a couple of short months a freaking pandemic came and shut the whole church down.

Now, I want you guys to understand that statistically, um in the biz, as we call it, um, statistically, it takes a church three to five years to accept a massive leadership change of that level.

And the only way that it happens is by being in proximity and community, familiarity, spending time with each other.

We're four months into this journey, and the very thing that we need to solidify us as leaders of this church was stripped away from us.

Oh my gosh, it was brutal.

Now, I had prayed about it, I knew that God had called us to do the very thing that we're doing.

But there are moments that I began to wonder am I in the right spot?

Are we are we are we doing what we're supposed to do?

In other words, I began to wrestle with uncertainty.

As we continue to move forward and we're trying to gather again, and we move to two different venues, and people are leaving, and new people are coming, and we're trying to understand what it means to lead in this context.

The pastor in DC stepped down, so now we're overseeing two churches at the same time.

And there's moments that my faith could not have been stronger.

But if I could be honest with you, there are moments where I began to ask myself, Am I the man for this job?

Because people are looking to us to have answers to questions that no one has ever asked.

There is no handbook on how to lead through a global pandemic, there is no handbook on any of this stuff.

So there are moments that I knew that God was real, but I also had moments that I questioned whether or not I was in the right place.

I still remember it so vividly when we were just dealing with setback after setback after setback, walking by faith, but man, my confidence was weak.

So we went to the mall because that's exactly where you're supposed to go.

I don't know about y'all, but retail therapy is a real thing for me.

Like, I'll I'll tell you something.

I said to Megan, if I don't go buy me some shoes, I'm gonna kill somebody.

I know that's not doctrine, I'm just letting y'all into my world.

I know I can't wear these shoes anywhere.

We're on shutdown, but I'm gonna get me some shoes.

So we're in the mall.

We're walking in the mall.

We got our masks on, and and and people can't recognize us, it's all good.

But we're also in a moment where I'm just dealing with crippling doubt.

And as we're walking, I just hear this voice in the background, Pastor! And I'm like, man, like I'm pastor on Sundays and on Mondays to Thursdays.

It's a Friday, it's my off day.

I'm walling out in these streets.

Um I I I joke.

So I look and a couple comes up to us and they say, Hey, we wanted to introduce ourselves to you.

Um, we go to your church, and I'm like, Oh, they're like, you know, we hadn't had a chance to meet you, and of course we're in this pandemic, but I just wanted to tell you how much we appreciate you.

And she spent the next 10 minutes literally unpacking messages that even I forgot of talking about watching online because the truth of the matter is you don't know who's watching online, you don't know who's with you.

What that moment was for me was Jesus showing up and saying, Here's My hands, I'm with you.

She had no idea that I was praying about I got other opportunities, I got other things I can do, I got other places I can be.

And that interaction was Jesus meeting me where I was and confirming that I'm with you.

It is possible to be a person who is filled with faith and knowing that God is real, but to also wrestle and hesitate and have uncertainty.

It is okay to wrestle with those things.

But you know the very thing that solidified what we were called to do?

The fact that we had community, the fact that we had accountability, and the fact that we kept showing up.

We kept showing up.

Even though I don't know who's watching on the other side of that camera, we kept showing up.

That even though when people were leaving, we didn't know who was staying, we kept showing up.

And as we showed up, people would show up.

Hey, thank you so much for what you said.

Thank you so much for what you did.

Imagine if we stopped showing up.

What I want to encourage somebody right now, don't you dare stop showing up.

You stay connected to community, you get clarity from God's word, and you make sure that you keep showing up.

You show up in your marriage, you show up with your family, you show up in the community of faith and watch what God does through it.

I know it may not be easy, but keep showing up.

What is that thing right now that you've stopped showing up in?

Maybe you stop showing up with having hope for a certain outcome.

Maybe, maybe there's things that you're in that are in your mind, but you don't even pray about it anymore.

I want you to think about that thing.

I want you to I want you to put that high in your heart.

The area where this is not me not believing in Jesus, it's just me doubting I'm ever going to see this in my life.

Think on that.

With every head bowed and with every eye closed, I want to pray for that.

Lord, we thank you.

We thank you so much for your goodness.

We thank you for your grace.

We thank you for the peace that surpasses all understanding.

And we are so thankful that we can even present the areas of discomfort and doubt and position them and bring them to you, to the foot of the cross.

God, we recognize it is possible to have unwavering faith in you, but also debilitating doubt and it relates to us seeing a newness in our lives.

But Father, I pray in the name of Jesus, whatever that thing is, that fear, that insecurity, the thing that we don't even know to pray about anymore, the thing we stop praying about, or the thing that we don't pray because we think that you may not show up in it.

God, I pray for that.

I pray for every marriage, I pray for every womb that is desiring to have a child, God.

I pray for every financial struggle, God, that there's breakthrough as long as we keep showing up.

Father, I pray in the name of Jesus that you have your way, that your Holy Spirit moves, and that you can present yourself to us, show us the wounds, and remind us that you are with us, that even if it's uncomfortable, you're with us, that even as we struggle, you're with us, God.

That is the beautiful response that you provide.

It may not always be an answer, but you will always respond with your presence.

So, God, I pray that we recognize your presence even in the areas of doubt.

God, do it, strengthen us through it.

And it's in Jesus' name that we pray.

Amen.

Amen and amen.

Can we give God a hand clap of praise for that?

Thanks again for listening.

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