Sermon
Marriage & Singleness (1 Corinthians 7:1-16)
Publisher transcript
Transcript
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All right, like I said, we are in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, and we're gonna be reading verses 1 through 16.
1 Corinthians 7 chapter mention
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And we had, you know, uh Sid was our guest speaker.
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I was sick last week and it wasn't here, and Sid uh filled in and did a wonderful job.
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But this is really a continuation of two weeks ago, kind of that same thing as we're going through 1 Corinthians.
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I gave kind of a parental warning that first time, and it and again today we're gonna be talking about sex, and we're gonna be talking about it honestly and openly.
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Um, and uh just want to give you a heads up because the world is discipling us every day in all things sex and what we see.
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I mean, just walking through the grocery stores and waiting in line, um you know, commercials, things that are on TV or on our devices, the world's trying to tell us what it should be like.
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God tells us what it should be like, and that's what we're gonna be talking about today.
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So would you please stand for the reading of God's Word?
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1 Corinthians 7, and we'll read verses 1 through 16.
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Now, in response to the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.
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But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband.
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A husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
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A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does.
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In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.
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Do not deprive one another, except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer.
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Then come together again.
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Otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
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I say this as a concession, not as a command.
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I wish that all people were as I am, but each has his own gift from God.
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One person has this gift, another has that.
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I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain as I am.
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But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
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Not I, but the Lord, a wife is not to leave her husband, but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
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And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
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But I, not the Lord, say to the rest, if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
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Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce her husband.
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For the unbelieving husband is made holy by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy by the husband.
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Otherwise your children sh would be unclean.
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But as it is, they are holy.
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But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave.
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A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases.
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God has called you to live in peace.
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Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband.
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And husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
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Let's pray.
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Lord, I thank you for these verses here this morning that we get to go through.
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Lord, I pray that we would approach this with open hearts and open eyes and open minds, and that you would be the one doing the speaking here this morning.
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Lord, I pray that you would accomplish all that you desire in this text, uh, and that you would use me, um, Lord, to speak whatever it is that you want for us to hear this morning.
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We pray in Jesus' name.
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Amen.
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So, as you probably noticed, yeah, you may be seeing it.
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As you probably noticed, chapter 7 starts a section where Paul is going to start answering some very specific questions that the Corinthian church has asked him.
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And so this is his response to very specific questions.
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Now, if you remember when we did the intro to 1 Corinthians, um what we're about to jump into is kind of like hearing one side of a phone conversation.
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You know, I use the example of when I hear my wife talking to her mom or her grandfather on the phone, I can walk into the room and I can usually tell who she's talking to, and then usually get a pretty good idea of what they're talking about just by hearing my wife's side of the conversation.
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So in our case here, it's pretty easy to guess what has been asked to Paul because of the way that he's responding and the way he's answering this question.
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But we only get to hear one side of that conversation.
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Now, even though Paul will jump into this section of answering these questions, he's still talking about what we went through two weeks ago, about sexual immorality and how that is a sin against our own body.
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So he was actually using that to springboard into what we have in front of us today of it being verse one.
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And just a little forewarning, it's kind of technical today, because there's a lot of specifics that we need to kind of delineate between in order to fully understand what Paul's talking about.
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And because we're only hearing one side of the conversation, there's some things that we kind of need to discuss a little bit.
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So just bear with me today, it'll be a little bit more on the technical side.
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But let's look at verse one again.
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Now, in response to the matter you wrote about, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.
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The Corinthians are probably asking something like, you know, Paul, what's the problem with having sex outside of marriage?
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You know, it's not hurting anyone, you know, everybody's doing it.
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What's the problem, Paul, with seeing a prostitute occasionally?
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You know, what's the big deal?
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I've I've been doing it my whole life and nobody's ever gotten hurt.
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Which Paul just addressed in that previous section when he said you're actually hurting your own body.
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You're sinning against your own body when you commit any kind of sexual immorality.
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But now he'll get a little bit more specific with the examples here today.
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Now, when we read verse 1, it says it's good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.
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Now, as we look at this in context, in context, he's talking about sex outside of marriage.
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As we address thoroughly, like I said a few weeks ago.
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So Paul isn't making this sweeping statement that applies to everyone.
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Otherwise, he would be telling married people to abstain from sex.
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And that would probably just lead to more sin, as we're going to be talking about today.
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That's why he starts off verse 2 with, but look at verse 2.
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But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband.
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Sex within the confines of marriage is a beautiful thing that God created for procreation and for pleasure.
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So if you missed two weeks ago, please go back and listen because we talked all about that uh two weeks ago, and you can find those on the website.
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But the two shall become one flesh.
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It's a part of that process of becoming one that God has given us.
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And that and sex is part of that, to becoming one flesh.
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Married people should enjoy that gift that God has given us.
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As this is gonna both help your spouse resist temptation of seeking sexual fulfillment in another way, uh, but it helps to resist that temptation both in thought and action if you have a healthy sex life within your marriage.
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He goes on in verse 3.
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A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
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A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does.
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In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.
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And I realize for a lot of people this verse can be really scary.
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And just to be clear from the get-go, Paul is not in any way condoning abuse or rape or even demanding sex from your partner whenever you desire it.
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That's not what Paul's talking about.
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It's not what he's getting at in these verses.
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Paul's talking about consensual sex within a marriage.
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And as we talked on a few weeks back, God's design for marriage is not 50-50, as the world wants us to believe.
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God's design is oneness with each other, which means a hundred percent giving of yourself to the other person.
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And that's true in the bedroom as well, as Paul's telling us here today.
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Your goal is the 100% satisfaction of your spouse.
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And at this point you might be thinking, but Chris, what about my needs?
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You know, if I'm giving 100% to my spouse, what about my desires?
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But here's the thing: if your spouse's only concern is your 100% satisfaction, you have nothing to worry about.
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You see how that works?
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And I think what Paul is really getting at here is two things.
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First, don't use sex as a bargaining chip within marriage.
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You don't use that as a threat to your partner.
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Like, well, if you don't do this, then I'm not doing that.
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You know, that is what he's talking about.
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Because if you do, you could actually play a part in leading your spouse into temptation by not participating with them in sex.
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Second, I think what he's saying is if your spouse is desiring intimacy in this way, and you may not feel like it, in order to help keep your spouse from temptation, it's probably a good idea to willfully engage in that intimacy and to give your spouse 100% of yourself in that moment.
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Now, with that, it's the spouse's job that's desiring that intimacy to never demand that intimacy.
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And to be aware of the other spouse's condition and feelings in that moment.
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You know, if they're sick, it's probably not a good idea to engage or try to engage in that intimacy.
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Or if they have a headache, you know, a real one, then it's probably not a good idea.
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Or if they're going through something that's really hard.
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Or maybe they're just exhausted from the day.
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Don't be selfish and demand sexual gratification.
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And don't quote this verse to them either, if they're in that condition.
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When you're truly one flesh, as God designed a marriage relationship to be, taking care of your spouse's needs is actually taking care of your own needs.
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Ephesians 5, verses 28 through 31 says this.
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In the same way husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies.
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He who loves his wife loves himself.
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For no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of his body.
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For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
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So I want to say that again.
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Taking care of your spouse's needs is actually taking care of your own needs.
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If you think these verses are a call to selfishness, it's actually the complete opposite.
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It's a call to give yourself completely to your spouse and to place their needs above your own needs.
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Both in having sex when it might not be at the top of your list of things that you're desiring to do in the moment, but also for the initiator to be willing to abstain for a day or so if the spouse is sick or exhausted or something like that's going on.
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It's all about placing each other's needs first.
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That's what Paul is getting at here.
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He goes on in verse 5 Do not deprive one another, except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer.
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Then come together again.
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Otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
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I say this as a concession, not as a command.
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So if you're going to abstain from sex within your marriage, it needs to be agreed upon.
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It needs to be for a reason and it needs to be for a set amount of time.
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And when that time's up, Paul says you need to come back together.
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So neither one of you is tempted in that time that you agreed upon to abstain from sex.
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That means it's talking about having a conversation and just saying, hey, for this time, can we set this aside for prayer and fasting?
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And then he says, and then immediately come together.
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Just like if you're fasting from food, when you break that fast, it means partaking of that food.
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And Paul makes sure that in verse 6 that he's not commanding that couples do this, but lets them know it's okay if you do for a short time, as long as it's agreed upon.
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Now, Paul's going to be talking about his own personal testimony here in verse 7.
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So look at it with me.
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He says, I wish that all people were as I am, but each has his own gift from God.
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One person has this gift, another has that.
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So Paul's obviously not married when he wrote this letter to the Corinthians.
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But most scholars assume that at some point in his life that he probably was.
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And it's speculation, because the Bible doesn't tell us directly whether he was or not, but we can gather through a few different places in scripture that pro that Paul probably was a member of the Sanhedrin, and in order to be a member of the Sanhedrin, you had to be married.
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The other thing that we can look at as well is Paul was a Pharisee, the son of a Pharisee.
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So he's a rule follower.
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And in Israel at this time, if you were a man and you weren't married by the age of 20, it was really looked down upon, and some even considered it to be sin if you weren't married by the age of 20.
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So it's likely that Paul was married when he was younger, and that something happened with his wife.
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Maybe she died at her young age, or maybe when he converted to Jesus and became a disciple of Jesus, that she said, I don't want anything to do with this, you know, and left him.
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Again, all speculation, we don't know for sure.
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But this would give Paul a unique perspective to be able to talk to those that are married and to those that are single, understanding both sides of what he's presenting to the Corinthian church here.
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And he sees both being married and being single as a gift from the Lord.
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You know, there's benefits from both that are a gift from God.
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You know, Paul in his singleness has the ability to travel as he pleases and as the Lord directs.
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He only has one mouth to feed, and that's just his own mouth.
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He doesn't need to maintain a home or a steady income to provide for anybody else.
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You know, he can stay up and teach all night until somebody falls out of a window if he wants to, which we went through in Acts not that long ago in our home groups.
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He has the freedom that he would not have if he were married.
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And Paul will say in verse 26 of this chapter, you know, because of the present distress, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
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As Paul's talking about the advantages of being single, he's thinking about persecution as well, which the church is under a lot of in this time that he writes this letter to the Corinthians.
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You know, I would think that dying for your faith would be a lot easier if you weren't thinking about what's going to happen to my wife and kids.
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That being in prison would be a lot easier if you weren't thinking about, you know, well, what are my wife and kids going to do in this moment?
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What are they gonna think, or how are they gonna react to?
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How are they gonna have food on the table?
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You know, there's a gentleman over at Shoreline in Morrow Bay, and he's been called to singleness, and it's it's evident, and it's amazing to watch this guy.
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And when I think of a servant, I think of him.
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And the things that he's able to do because of his singleness is absolutely incredible, both with his time and with his finances.
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Because his singleness is surrendered to God.
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You know, he could live a life in the bars and chasing women and blowing all of his money on expensive toys, but he uses the freedom he has because of his singleness for the glory of God.
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And he's one of the most generous people that I've ever met.
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And it's so beautiful to watch.
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He bought an old Ford Explorer and he fixed it up so he could send it down to a missionary in Mexico.
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Uh, he bought this, and he doesn't advertise any of this stuff.
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You kind of find it out later on, but he bought a van so he can go pick up people with special needs before the men's Bible study on Wednesday nights and bring them to church and then go after and then take them all back home.
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And he bought a van just for that.
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He has the time and the finances to do so, and he's committed his singleness to the Lord.
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And it's just so neat to see an example of what somebody can do with that.
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Paul's gonna go on regarding singleness in verse 8.
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It says, I say to the unmarried and to widows, it is good for them if they remain as I am.
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So if you can remain single without sin, use the freedoms of your singleness to minister in ways that married people just simply cannot.
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Verse 9.
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But if they, so he's still talking about the unmarried and the widows and the widows, but if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
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And that word desire there means passions.
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It means lust, it means a sexual glowing literally that is inside of you.
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And if you have that internal glowing that cannot be quenched, then it's better to marry than to burn with desire.
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So if being single only leads you to temptation and you have that desire within you, then it's better that you do get married.
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You know, not the first person that has a pulse and is still breathing.
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Somebody that loves the Lord as much as you do.
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And if if the Lord brings that person along.
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This isn't just saying, well, it's better, you know, just find somebody, you know, so you don't have that desire anymore, and then, you know, then you're not gonna have to worry about sin.
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It's not saying that.
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It's saying if you find that person, it's better to marry than to burn with that desire.
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Now, we're gonna get into this next section here, and it's gonna be dealing with divorce and dealing with what happens if one person in a marriage is a believer and one person is not a believer.
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And really, if I had to put a theme on verses 10 through 16, and really all of chapter 7 as well, Paul's just telling people stay put, be content in the current circumstance that God has placed you in.
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Look at verse 10 with me.
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To the married I give this command, not I, but the Lord.
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A wife is not to leave her husband, but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and a husband is not to divorce his wife.
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Paul's summing up a lot of Old Testament verses here in what he's saying, and he's actually paraphrasing what Jesus said in Matthew 19, verses 3 through 9.
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That's why he's saying, Not I, but the Lord says, because he's quoting a lot of verses here.
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This is talking about two followers of Christ and saying you can't get a divorce unless one commits adultery or there's abandonment.
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If you divorce because you just felt like it, you felt like you just grew apart and you wanted to try out another partner and see if it worked out better, he's saying you can't get remarried.
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But you can and should reconcile with that person if at all possible.
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In God's eyes, two followers of Christ cannot rightfully get divorced unless an egregious sin is involved.
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He's saying, don't do it, because then you can't get remarried.
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He's like, if at all possible, reconcile.
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Verse 12.
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But I, not the Lord, say to the rest.
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Now I want to stop real right there because this can be a little bit confusing.
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I don't want us to think for a second that the rest of this verse is not the inspired word of God given to Paul by the Holy Spirit.
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Paul's just saying, the previous thoughts are words from the Lord that I was quoting and paraphrasing.
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This next section is just me talking.
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I'm not quoting anymore, this is just me talking to you.
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And he's just letting the readers know that.
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So that we're still reading the inspired word of the Holy Spirit in the rest of verse 12 here.
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So the rest of verse 12 says, If any brother has an unbelieving wife and she's willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
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Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband and he's willing to live with her, she must not divorce her husband.
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Again, as I was saying, the theme of this section, stay put.
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Even if your spouse isn't coming to church with you and wants nothing to do with God, if they're willing to stay with you, then stay with them.
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You could see, I think, from the Corinthian perspective, how this could be a question that they would ask Paul.
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You know, I'm married to an unbeliever.
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I just got saved.
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And I'm married to an unbeliever that wants nothing to do with Jesus or his church.
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Wouldn't it be more glorifying to God if I just divorced the unbeliever and then married a believer?
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So Paul.
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Paul lets them know that God wants all marriages to thrive.
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He wants all marriages to survive.
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And that it brings him more glory for a Christian to be in a marriage with somebody that is not a Christian than it would be for those two to get a divorce.
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So he's saying, if you're able, stay put where you are.
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Now, verse 14 can cause some confusion as well, but before we even read it, remember the context that we're in.
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Staying married when one spouse is not saved.
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Verse 14.
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For the unbelieving husband is made holy by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy by the husband.
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Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
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So the word that we see here for holy is the same word that we use for sanctify, meaning to set something apart.
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But this is not referring to the salvation of the unbelieving spouse.
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You know, context and the rest of scripture really do not agree with that concept.
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In fact, verse 16 that we're going to get to here in a second doesn't agree with that concept either.
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And there's so many different thoughts on what Paul means.
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So I'm just going to tell you what I see and what I think Paul's saying here.
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I think what he's saying is that in this scenario, where somebody comes to faith in Christ after they are married and their spouse does not, that there can still be sanctity in that marriage that is unequally yoked.
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You know, I'm going to take a real quick detour here, so hang with me.
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Paul talks about this in 2 Corinthians 6, verse 14, and I want to read it to you.
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He says, Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe.
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For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness?
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Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?
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What agreement does Christ have with Belial?
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Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
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And what agreement does the temple of God have with idols?
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For we are the temple of the living God.
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So if you were to read that and you're unequally yoked, you could assume that you need to be divorced.
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Right?
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But what I think Paul is getting at in verse 14 is that if you're unequally yoked in this scenario, God can still be glorified in that marriage.
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And it can still be set apart for his glory.
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So again, he's saying, just stay put where you are.
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On top of that, the unbeliever gets the blessing of living with somebody that loves Jesus.
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And that should be a blessing, by the way.
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They get to be prayed for, they get to be treated with love and respect, and get to share in the blessings that the follower of Christ receives because they're one in God's sight.
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They're set apart in that way because of the believing spouse in that marriage.
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In ways that two non-believers can never experience.
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The non-believer in that unequally yoked marriage gets to experience those blessings.
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Now, it's much the same when Paul says otherwise your children would be unclean.
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But as it is, they are holy.
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Your family can still glorify God with one believing parent, and your children can reap the benefits as if both of the parents are saved.
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Because our kids are watching us.
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If one parent is a real deal believer and one parent is an unbeliever, those kids can figure out who's worshiping the one true God and which one is not.
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They can figure out who exemplifies God's grace and his mercy and his love and which one is not.
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And if one parent is a believer, that'll probably have a huge impact on what they're exposed to, even in their home, you know, regarding media and literature and things like that.
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It will affect what friends they hang out with, where they have sleepovers.
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They'll probably, you know, join the believing parent and going to church, you know, and so many other things that they have advantages because of one believing parent.
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You know, I actually grew up in this household we're talking about where my mom was a believer and my dad wasn't.
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And I feel like I grew up in a Christian environment.
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I grew up going to church.
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I grew up praying with my mom every morning, grew up going to Bible studies with her, grew up reading the Bible on my own in the mornings because of one believing parent staying in that relationship with the family.
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Look at verse 15.
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But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave.
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A brother or sister is not bound in such cases.
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God has called you to live in peace.
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So don't force an unbeliever or an unbelieving spouse that wants out.
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Don't force them to stay married.
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It's just going to cause chaos and wreak havoc in your own life and in their life.
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That's why Paul ends verse 15 with, God has called you to live in peace.
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Verse 16, wife, for all you know, you might save your husband.
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Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
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So as I alluded to in verse 14, this disproves that one believing spouse saves the other spouse.
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Because Paul's talking about here, stay in that relationship if you can, because for all you know, you might actually save your partner.
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This is all about being a witness to that unbelieving spouse.
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So that hopefully, through your example, they can come into a believing relationship in Christ.
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And as I alluded to earlier, I got a front row seat to this exact same scenario for 18 years.
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My mom came to Christ right before her and my dad got married.
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They'd been dating all through high school.
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They graduated, they got engaged, and my mom got saved while they were engaged.
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And she didn't hear about the whole unequally yoke thing and what that meant until two weeks before the ceremony.
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And she said that it absolutely freaked her out.
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But she was 19 years old and she went through with the wedding anyway because she didn't know what else to do.
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And my mom was on fire for the Lord.
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And she was in all these Bible studies, she started hosting Bible studies in their own home.
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And finally, my dad just said, You know what?
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I'm not interested.
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Please stop talking to me about Jesus.
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I don't want to go to these Bible studies.
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I'm done.
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So my mom heed the words of these verses and didn't get a divorce and lived by example for 25 years with my dad.
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And I remember growing up, we prayed for him a lot and for his salvation.
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And he was, I mean, he was a great man, a great father, great husband.
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You know, it wasn't like he was doing anything crazy, but he just was not interested in the things of the Lord.
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And when I was 18, my dad gave his life to the Lord.
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And it was just like incredible to see this verse come to life.
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So I want to encourage you, if you're in that situation, don't give up.
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Keep being that example.
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Keep praying for those in your family that don't know the Lord yet.
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They're watching, even if it doesn't seem like it.
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If you would have asked me when I was 17, you know, do you really think your dad will ever come to the Lord?
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I probably would have said, you know, I hope so, but I just can't picture how.
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I can't picture the scenario in which this would happen.
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And then, you know, what it would be like to have a believing father.
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But the Lord knew.
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So we just kept praying.
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We didn't know how it was going to happen, but we kept praying.
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Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband.
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Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
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You know, and I think it's safe to say as well, parents, you might save your children.
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And children, you might save your parents.
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I want to encourage you to continue to pray and be an example of Jesus to your family that does not know Christ.
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You know, this whole section, it's all about staying put and avoiding temptation.
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And the next two sections that we're going to be going through are very similar as well.
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But today, it was all about marriage.
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If you're married, stay put if you can.
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Help your spouse resist temptation and keep your marriage holy.
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If you're single, stay put.
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But if you burn with sexual desire, it's better to marry than to burn with that desire.
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Because it can lead to all kinds of sin.
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You know, this all comes down to, I think, contentment.
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If you're married, don't wish that you weren't married.
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If you're single, don't wish that you were married.
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This is getting into next week's sermon just a bit, but we're gonna spoil just a touch here today.
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But we need to find contentment where God's put us.
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With where God has us, where he's placed us right now.
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Like I said two weeks ago, you know, if the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it just means it's time for us to water our own lawn.
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God can and will use you in the exact place that you are in right now.
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Even if you feel like your current circumstance is the result of really bad decisions, it doesn't mean, um it doesn't mean that you have to necessarily stay in your current circumstance.
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But I think what we're getting at here today is no marriage or singleness or life circumstance is going to all of a sudden fix everything for you, and then bam, now God can use you.
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We need to find contentment in our current place, in our current circumstance, and ask God, how do you want to use me today?
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How can I worship you and bless you and serve your kingdom right where I am right now?
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You know, if we're walking by the voice of the Holy Spirit, he will show us how to serve Him in our current circumstance that we are in right now.
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So let's pray for that.
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But if you're here and you feel like you're too far gone.
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You feel like you've messed your life up too much for God to have any purpose in your life.
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If you're sitting here saying, What's the point?
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I'm beyond salvaging.
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I'm too far down whatever road it might be.
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No, you're not.
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Jesus wants to make you a new creation where all of the old stuff is passed away, and he wants to make you new.
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He wants to give you his righteousness because we have none of our own.
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He wants to make you holy in his sight and give you a new beginning.
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So let today be that day.
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The Bible tells us if we just confess with our mouth and believe in our heart that Jesus Christ is Lord, that we will be saved, that we will have that new beginning in him.
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And he's gonna start working with us right where we are, and he's gonna start to make us more and more like him as we continue to walk by the voice of the Holy Spirit in our life.
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Will you please pray with me?
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Lord, I thank you so much for your word.
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I thank you, Lord.
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So many of us have messed up in so many of the ways that we have talked about here today.
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But we thank you for that new beginning that you give us in Jesus Christ.
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We thank you that you have forgiven us of all of our past sins, and that you've given us the righteousness of Jesus Christ to call us our own.
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And I thank you that you loved us so much that you gave us your Son Jesus Christ.
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Lord, would you do a work inside of each one of us?
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Would you help us to be content in the current circumstance we're in?
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Not meaning that we have to stay there, but for this moment, being content and just allowing you to work in our life wherever we may be, whether it's at school, whether it's within a marriage, whether it's within singleness, whether it's at work or whatever our current life circumstances, Lord, show us how to glorify you in every moment, to be content with that and to allow you to lead us and to guide us in the direction that you want.
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Lord, may we be faithful to open your word, to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, to sit in prayer and allow you to guide us right where we are in this moment.
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Bring us contentment, Lord.
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Help us to not look on the other side of the fence and long for things that we don't have, but to be content with where you have us right now.
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And then, Lord, would you help us to walk into the places that you have before us, the places that you desire us to be in the future?
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Would we be faithful to take one step at a time and to allow you to guide us into those places that you want us to be, we pray.
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In Jesus' name.
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Amen.