My Brother's Keeper | Ps. Keith Pittman

Welcome to the Celebration Church Orlando podcast.

Thank you so much for listening today.

We hope it encourages you and inspires you.

Here's today's message.

All right.

Well, I think that there's a couple of things.

Thank you, Vinny.

Um, that if there's any indication of last uh the last service, as well as what worship has been so far in this atmosphere, I truly believe that um that the God's gonna do something really powerful um with us today.

I genuinely believe that.

Um I've been praying a lot about today and and and really around um the subject matter we're gonna be engaged in.

If you've been following along for the past couple of weeks, and you guys know that we're in this incredible series called At the Table.

Have you guys been enjoying this series of At the Table so far?

If if if you hadn't had a chance to engage all the content, I just want to give you a quick recap.

At the table is really just a series that we've been going through and just examining the the words of Jesus um with him sitting at a table or using the table as a teachable lesson.

And in the context is um in that culture, and probably even still so for us, sitting at the table was a very intimate moment.

It was very it was very personal.

Um, and so when Jesus is sitting at the table with people who are often considered outsiders, when Jesus is sitting at the table with people that other people wouldn't sit at the table with, he was showing equality, he was changing the power dynamic, he was inviting people in.

And so the theme we've been sharing over and over again is that you're welcome at the table because grace is on the menu, no matter what your background is, no matter what your struggles are, that we see that in the kingdom family system that Jesus is always inviting us to come and sit at the table.

And so over the past couple of weeks, we just unpack a couple of ideas.

Last week we talked about hospitality, this kingdom principle, and we walked away with this idea that an invitation can lead to transformation.

We looked at the story of Zacchaeus and how he was invited to the table with Jesus and literally led to him being converted and being a man who followed Jesus.

And so we just see these powerful stories that emerge as a result of just being in community and being connected to others.

So again, if you've missed any of those things, please go back and check them out because I do think that this is a series that's been near and dear to my heart for quite some time.

Um, but I do believe it brings transformation if we truly um apply it.

This week um we're we're actually gonna go forward by going backwards.

And what I mean by that is the very first week of the series, we looked at a narrative that is found in the Gospel of Luke, chapter 15.

Luke 15 · chapter mention

So I want to go back to that narrative to extract some more principles from it because I think there's a little bit more juice we can get from that.

Now, to give you some context, um, in Luke 15, this is the narrative of the prodigal son.

And on week one, we looked at this narrative from the perspective of the prodigal son, the son who left his father's household, and really from the father's perspective to kind of set the tone of you're part of a family, and even though you may have wandered away, that there's still space for you at the table.

And so that was week one.

But but now we're going to go to a different perspective because what I shared on week one, that wasn't the whole story.

In fact, if you really, really study the story of the prodigal son, as we call it, it's really not about him at all.

It's actually about his older brother.

Because Jesus is talking to a bunch of people who were the Pharisees.

They would have been the older brothers in this story, and they were the ones who were really frustrated and disappointed at how Jesus was treating the prodigal son, so to speak.

So the first week we talked about the prodigal son's journey and him being welcome, but but we're actually going to dig in a little bit deeper and look at things from the brother's perspective.

So starting here at Luke chapter 15 and starting at verse 25, again, the context is the first week we ended with the prodigal son left, he came back, and they threw a big party for him.

Luke 15 · chapter mention

So imagine that moment, great party, everybody's celebrating.

Now we pick up from the older brother's perspective.

All this time, his older brother or his older son was out in the field.

When the day's work was done, he came in.

And as he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing.

Calling over to one of the house boys, he asked, What's going on?

He told him, Your brother came home.

Your father has ordered a feast, barbecued beef.

Let the church say amen to some brisket, some ribs, just the Lord is all in it.

I can't wait to get home.

I got some chicken marinade.

Okay, let me get back on.

Okay, so he says he ordered a barbecued beef.

And then he says, Because he has him home safe and sound.

The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in.

His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen.

The son said, Look, how many years have I stayed here serving you?

Never have you once, and they've never given you a moment of grief, but you have never thrown a party for me or my friends.

Then this son of yours has thrown away your money on whores.

It's in the Bible, it's not my words, shows up and you'll go out and throw him a feast.

And his father said, Son, you don't understand.

You're always with me all the time, and that everything I have is yours.

But this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate because this brother of yours was dead and now he's alive.

He he was lost and he is found.

I want to highlight a couple of things before we pray and get into the message.

I want you to notice a couple of things here.

We have the older brother, and when his father is having a conversation with him, I want you to notice what he says.

He says, Man, I've been here this whole time.

I've done nothing to violate you, I've done nothing to disappoint you.

And and then you have this other son of yours.

He goes out, he's wilding in the streets, we see it all over social media, like we see he's bugging out here, and then he comes back and you throw a party for him.

Look at the phrase.

He says, This son of yours.

He distanced himself from his brother.

He didn't say, My brother.

He didn't even, he didn't even apply his name, this son of yours.

But then we see the father's retort.

He says, Man, listen, don't you recognize that everything that I have is yours?

You always have been with me.

Like you've always had access to all of these things, but we have to celebrate and watch what watch what the father says.

Because this brother of yours was lost, and now he's found.

He was he was to be dead, but now he's alive.

What we're seeing here is a breach of community and family and relationships.

And while the brother is trying to distance himself from his brother and even from his father, the father's like, no, like I he's my son, but he's also your brother.

We're family, and we're seeing this moment of reconciliation beginning to work its way out.

Today I want to talk to us on the weighty subject of relational conflict and reconciliation.

And I've entitled this message, and I want us to write down and take some notes.

This is going to be a practical message, but I also believe it's going to be very powerful as well.

Um, I've entitled today's message My Brother's Keeper.

Let's pray and let's get into it.

Lord, we are honored by your presence.

And I ask that you speak to us.

Whether you're joining us online, maybe you're over in the family lounge, maybe you're in here with us now, listening to the podcast.

However we find ourselves listening, I pray that we can lean in, minimize distractions, and truly extract what it is you want to speak to us today.

Father, I pray that you give us open eyes to see you, open ears to hear you, and open hearts to receive everything that you have for us.

It's in Jesus' name that we pray.

Amen and amen.

I've I've noticed over the past couple of weeks I've been having some pretty restless nights, and I can't really identify what the purpose is for it.

So, what I've been finding myself doing is that whenever I can't sleep, I kind of go through a rhythm, and then I begin to say, okay, so either the Lord wants to speak to me or or I need to engage in something that can help me to go to sleep.

And so I've been on this wave of looking at some of these true crime stories.

It's it's really it's really wild when you kind of get into some of these true crime stories and some of the stuff that you can bump into and just how terrifying and how quickly things can go left.

Because for me, it's cautionary tales of things that you gotta make sure you look for the signs for.

And so I the other the other day, in fact, I was I was I was up, couldn't sleep, and I went and I began to look at one of these true crime stories.

And let me give you the premise of this story.

The story is about these two brothers, and and these two brothers were part of the family business, very successful business, and the business is thriving and going well.

And so the father he began to like lean on the sons to in order to try to get them to utilize their ideas to take the business into the future.

So you have an older brother and you have a younger brother.

And so the older brother he had a sense of entitlement.

He's like, Man, I've been I've been running the business for a while.

I already kind of feel like I've I've been around longer, I got more know-how, but but nonetheless, dad has asked me to put together a presentation for the future of the business.

And so he kind of put something together that was decent, but but the younger, but the younger son, the younger brother, he he put together this really robust plan that was really going to move the business into the future.

So they both presented to the father and the board, and and and it was like resounding that the younger son's idea was clearly the vision for the future.

And so the father says, like, man, like both of you guys put in great effort.

I I love and respect it, but man, I really want to go in this direction because I feel like you really have your finger on the pulse of what the future is going to look like.

The older brother was inconsolable.

He he he was beside himself with with anger and with rage.

He storms out of the meeting, and so that the father goes in and he chases after him.

He's like, Hey man, like why are you so angry?

What are you so upset about?

Like, man, it's a family business.

We're all in this together.

It's all gonna be okay, it's all gonna work itself out.

But but what I'm concerned about is the amount of anger that you're storing up.

At the end of the day, our family's gonna be fine.

We're gonna be wealthy, it's gonna be okay.

But I'm concerned about the way that you're carrying this, and I need you to resolve this.

The father walks away and he's hoping that his son would have caught the wisdom of it, but he didn't.

He just continued to let it fester, and so one day turns into another, and one week turns into another, and months are going by, and he's just allowing this anger and this resentment to continue to build and accumulate, and as he's beginning to see the younger brother flourish and the ideas being celebrated and appreciated, he just gets to a boiling point where he cannot contain himself any further.

He he invites his brother to go out to dinner where he confronts him and feels as if he undercut him and stole some of his ideas, and and and uh and a fight ensues.

Clench fist and turn tables, and we have a lifeless body on the ground, and the younger brother dies.

I'm I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, engaging this, and I'm genuinely saying to myself, how did we get here?

See, the way that I'm wired is I'm I'm wired in such a way where whenever I see things, I I like to look at it for what it is, but then there's a part of my brain that begins to like kind of like reverse engineer it.

Because for me, it's like this is an opportunity to make sure that that I don't miss opportunities to go on a detour so we don't end up in this same place.

So I was like, man, how did we get here?

Like they're all part of a loving family, they're all part of an ecosystem where they feel supported, and yet this unresolved issue has led to someone losing their life.

How did how do we get here?

Well, we got here in a way that's very relatable, that some of us probably can identify with, but we can't acknowledge or even believe that we could find ourselves in that same position.

But what it comes down to is just bottled up resentment.

Just bottled up resentment, undealt with anger.

And and no one plans on doing these things, but just an outburst, one moment, because of unresolved conflict can lead us to a place where we make some of the most damaging decisions.

I've I've found that whenever there's conflict and reconciliation is absent, the potential for chaos is present.

That there's so much opportunity for things to go south and to go worse because we have not dealt with the issues as we need to.

When I say reconciliation, I'm talking about the idea of restoring a relationship to its natural harmony.

When you think about harmony, you you recognize that everybody has a part.

There's different tones, there's different things, there's different ways that harmonies function.

But the beautiful thing about harmony is we may have differences, but we're all reading from the same page.

We're reading from the same lyrics.

When we're talking about reconciliation, it's acknowledging that we may be different, but can we make an effort to get on the same page so that we can begin to create some sense of harmony so we can move forward with our messaging?

I like to think relationally when I consider what reconciliation is.

Relationally, I look at it as a factory reset.

We all know that we have our digital devices, and sometimes our devices begin to slow down, they begin to bog us down because we downloaded so many apps because we went to a website once and they said download our apps for the free perks.

We get the free perks, we never go back to the store again, and now we wonder why we have a thousand apps that we never engage.

So before long, it begins to slow us down, it bogs us down, and then we just do a factory reset, and then we can determine what are the apps and things that we need to download to make sure that we're not carrying things that are absorbing too much of our energy and presenting ways that we cannot function and move forward.

What reconciliation is, is it allows us to remove the things that could potentially be slowing us down.

And what's so fascinating about reconciliation is that this is something that is near and dear to the heart of God, this idea of us being in harmony.

The Bible tells us in Matthew chapter 5, verse 9, Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.

Matthew 5:9

These are the words of Jesus.

And he's speaking to a crowd of people who were dealing with resentment, not only of the organizational power structure of the Roman rule, but also dealing with the religious people who've oppressed them.

And Jesus is talking to them and saying, But I still need you to be a conduit of peace.

I still need you to be a person that pursues harmony and reconciliation.

Jesus goes further at verses 23 and 24, and he says this that if you're in a worship setting and you're about to offer your gift at the altar, and you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, I need you to leave it at the front of the altar and go first and be reconciled to your brother and sister, and then come and offer your gift.

To kind of paraphrase that, what Jesus is saying is that when we are trying to worship God, but we're dealing with resentment, it literally limits our ability to worship freely.

Because we're carrying things and we've compartmentalized things and we begin to dehumanize people.

And so Jesus is saying, like, bro, like, listen, if you're carrying things, it will affect the way that you worship, because he's saying, How can you worship me, but you can't be reconciled to the people that are made in my image?

How can you truly acknowledge that I am the creator of all things but diminish things that I have created to represent me in the world?

What reconciliation is, is me understanding that even if we're at odds with one another, even if we see things differently, I have to acknowledge and recognize that you're made in the image of God and I don't want my worship to be hindered.

Jesus goes a little bit further in verses 25 and 26, and this is what he says, hey, if you don't resolve these issues that you have, it can end up putting you in jail.

Now that seems like pretty harsh language, but let me paraphrase it this way.

What he's saying is if you have unresolved issues, unresolved conflict, it can result with you being in prison.

Now, that may not be a literal prison, but it certainly can be an emotional prison.

It can certainly be a relational prison where you have walls and barriers up that are literally keeping you from moving forward as a result of unresolved reconciliation.

And then you're wondering how you don't feel the intimacy and connection with people because you have built these walls up.

What Jesus is saying is that if you're going to function in wholeness and freedom as I've intended you to do it, I need you to resolve this conflict so that way you can engage me with intimacy and you know that you don't have anything that's presenting you from worshiping with me.

But the thing that we know about reconciliation is that reconciliation requires humility.

It requires humility, it requires us to get to a point where I have to humble myself.

When Jesus gives the instruction, when he's saying, like, hey, if you remember that someone has something against you, that's not you have something against someone.

That's you know that someone has something against you.

That means that even if you don't know that you've done something wrong, but you're aware that someone is holding something against you, you need to be humble enough to go and address it instead of just letting it fester and saying, Well, that's their problem, not mine.

It takes humility to get to that place.

Reconciliation, it demands us to function with maturity.

Because it takes maturity to be a person that pursues peace and that is working towards reconciliation.

I've raised three children who are all adults now, and now I have my grandchildren.

And what I notice with them that just continues to repeat itself is that there's always a person who is right and a person who thinks they're right when they're all wrong.

But but but when you're having a conversation with them, I remember this by looking at my granddaughters.

They're one year apart and they're best friends, but they also can be like enemies, you know, those frenemy vibes.

And what I notice whenever I'm talking with them, when I'm trying to resolve their conflict, the response is always, but she did it first.

It's her fault.

She hit me first, she took my toy.

And watch this that's understandable when you're six years old, when you're seven years old.

But the Bible says, when I was a child, I thought as a child I behaved as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

That means that maturity means that I have the ability to move past who was right and what's wrong and making sure that we're moving closer to the heart of God.

It takes maturity to be that person that can say that I know that I am right, but I'm still willing to make things right.

I know that I was done wrong, but I don't want to stay in this place.

Reconciliation, it requires us to be people who function with humility.

And at the end of the day, reconciliation, it truly does reflect the heart of God.

But it's hard.

Let's just let's just call it what it is.

Some people make it very difficult to be reconciled to them.

Some people are not receptive to us trying to be reconciled to them.

So, how do we move forward when we know that this is keeping us backwards?

How do we honestly become people who are ministers of reconciliation, functioning with peace, even in environments where we feel like it's not being receptive on the other end?

Let's look at this text for a moment.

I want us to envision things from the oldest brother's perspective for just a moment, because I love to immerse myself in the text so I can really identify with all the things that's going on.

From the oldest brother's perspective, his younger brother comes and disrespects his father and asks for the wealth before the father dies.

You know that back in that time, that would have been the most insulting thing you can imagine.

That was basically Tellemata saying, like, hey, dad, I wish you would have died already so I can get my resources.

So can you just give me my part of the will now?

Imagine from the older brother's perspective, as he's listening to this, he's probably saying to himself, there's no way dad's gonna let that slide.

There's no way dad's gonna let him talk to him like that.

Like my my my kids right now, my like Daniera and and Keith Jr., they consider themselves to be the children of the struggle, and they consider Caleb to be the privileged child.

And and there may be some truth to that.

I just think Megan and I got to a point where we just got tired of telling them to do the same things we told the siblings to do.

He just let things slide.

It is what it is, he's the youngest.

So we get it, we get it.

So what ends up happening is there have been moments where Caleb may say something or do something or not do something, and Deneira's like, if that was me, I would like, well, just relax.

You're privileged as well, calm down.

But at the end of the day, we all know those things where we've observed certain behaviors in our parents, and maybe you're the older sibling and you are dealing with that resentment.

Or maybe you're the younger sibling, you're like, man, I see no problem here.

So wherever we are, we're all represented in this room, and it's okay.

We're all welcome at the table.

Grace is on the menu.

But but from the oldest brother's perspective, he's he's looking at this behavior from his father, and he's he begins to build this resentment and frustration as the father then says, Okay, sure, I'll give you your inheritance now.

I'll I'll release you to go and live a life on your own terms.

And the oldest brother's like, bro, I had a curfew.

I I had all these things that you made me do when you letting him slide.

Imagine the subtle resentment that begins to build.

We fast forward a little bit more, and now the town is all aware that the brother's out in the streets wilding out, just wilding out.

It's all over social media, everybody knows he's addicted to drugs, all these things are happening.

And so they're like, man, like what happened to your brother?

And he's dealing with the shame, he's dealing with the embarrassment.

That begins to build another layer of resentment.

Because if we're honest, some of us have been in positions where people have done things that were embarrassing and they were connected to us, so now we feel like we're carrying the shame of it, but they don't have to answer for it, but we do.

So he's he's dealing with that in the town, in the community where they have so much influence, and now he has to answer for things that have nothing to do with him.

So he's dealing with that frustration and disappointment.

So he's carrying all this frustration, he's carrying all this disappointment, and now he's also carrying the workload because the responsibility of the older brother would have been to make sure that the grounds were well taken care of.

So now my brother leaves his responsibility, he's messing up our family legacy, I'm taking on his role, I'm doing all these things, and then on one day he comes back and he sees that there's a party going on at the house.

So he's like, yo, like, what?

Who's in town?

Like, why are we like, why is there a party and why didn't they wait for me?

So he's probably a little confused as he's walking up thinking, like, man, I didn't see anything on my schedule.

I didn't get any meeting requests, I didn't know that we had a party jumping off tonight, but nonetheless, I'll hop in the shower, I'll catch up, I'll love a good party.

So he sees one of the workers, like, yo, like what's going on?

They're like, yo, you didn't hear?

No, hear what?

Your brother's back.

My brother, who?

I know you're not talking about my brother that left and only got one other brother.

Like, are you seriously telling me the one that left our family, the one whose work I am carrying right now, that brother has come back?

Like, yo, bro, he's back, man.

He he he he lost some weight.

Apparently, it's a famine.

He lost some weight, but he's back.

He's back.

Your dad's throwing him a party, man.

You gotta come in here.

He's floating the best DJ, man.

The food is popping, bro.

You gotta come in here.

Let's get this thing going.

He's like, yo, I'm done.

I don't want nothing to do with them.

Are you kidding me?

After all that I've done, dad has never even acknowledged the work that I've done.

Man, I'm done with this family.

I can't, I can't deal with it.

When you look at it from that perspective, I can understand how he got there.

I can understand the resentment and the frustration.

That he has.

So at some point, the father is like, yo, like, man, a party's gone, but but it's not going to really be here until your brother gets here, man.

Like, man, like, like, let's go and find out where he's at.

The worker's like, yo, he he pulled up, but he said he's not coming in.

He said he's not coming in.

He said he's done, man, he stormed off.

So the father gets up from the table and he goes after the oldest son.

Now I want to remind you that the father had the exact same posture for the oldest son that he had for the younger son, going out pursuing him.

Sometimes we can be so consumed in our own feelings that we've lost sight of the fact that whether you're the prodigal son or the older son, the father will always pursue us.

These are the moments where we need to be reminded and humbled and recognizing that maybe I'm in a season where I'm the oldest son, but don't forget I was once the prodigal son.

And maybe I'm the prodigal son and I'm frustrated with the older son, but no matter where it's at, the father loves us both and he pursues us both.

That means that when I wandered, God was for me.

When I stayed put, God was for me.

That when I rebelled, God was for me.

This is the beauty of the Father that's being displayed that no matter where you find yourself in the room, he's always willing to pursue us.

The Bible says that the Father comes out and he confronts his son.

And they begin to have this conversation.

And this conversation reveals the bottled up frustration, it reveals the tension, it reveals all the things that have been festering up until this moment that has caused us to come to the outburst that we're experiencing right now.

But nonetheless, we are called to move forward.

So, how do we do that as well?

I'm glad you asked.

I have three points for us that are gonna help you to practically put these things into place.

Y'all wanna hear these three points?

Y'all want to hear these three points?

Okay.

All right, let me give you the first point.

The first point is gonna lead us on a path towards reconciliation self-awareness.

Self-awareness.

Let me pose a hypothetical question and I want y'all to talk back to me.

Have you ever?

All right, we got it, we got it.

Let's give the Lord some praise in here.

Yeah.

All right, here we go.

All right.

Here here's here's here's the thing.

Have you ever found yourself in a place where maybe you were confronted with something, you were dealing with something.

Maybe, maybe you're at work.

It could be when you're at home.

But nonetheless, you you you respond to it.

You you react to it.

And then after you have some time to think about it, you're like, man, I feel like I came in a little bit hot.

I feel like, watch this, my response wasn't proportionate to the problem.

That I that I came in a little bit hotter than I should have.

And and and asking the question of like, so Rainer's like, absolutely, that was all my way here.

Um it's it's it's genuinely coming to that place where it's like, man, like I I'm really sensitive around this.

I'm really reacting to that.

And and I don't know why I did that.

What what self-awareness is, is when we take the question and say, why?

What why am I reacting this way?

As a husband, as a as a father, I've I've learned that there have been moments when I may have reacted with my family with issues that had zero to do with them.

It may have been because I was at work and I had a challenging day at work where people were nagging me.

Not at work, literally, because I work for the church and we're perfect, but um, but when I worked in uh in other places.

But but I'm at work and I'm dealing with a boss that's getting on my nerves, I'm dealing with deadlines, I'm dealing with misunderstandings, and all these things begin to build up.

And then I get home and then my wife simply says to me, like, hey, did you did you get the chicken like I asked you to?

What do you mean that I get the chicken?

I gotta, I always do everything, and then I'm having an outburst, it literally has nothing to do with her.

It has everything to do with things that have happened outside of the home, but I'm bringing it into the home.

What self-awareness does is it allows us to pause long enough to ask the question, what am I feeling and why am I feeling it?

Why am I feeling this?

Why why is it when that person says something to me, it it makes me respond this way.

Why why is it when whenever they say something, this really gets under my skin?

What is it about them particularly that really really keeps me from moving forward?

What what self-awareness does, it allows us to identify our triggers and making sure that they don't hold us hostage.

And other people hostage.

Because unfortunately, what can happen is that we can be interacting with people and maybe you've done something to trigger them.

And now I have to feel like every step is an emotional landmine on bombs that I didn't even lay down.

And so, how am I supposed to move forward in relationship knowing that I could say one phrase and then I could cause you to spaz out, and then I gotta deal with the consequences of it?

What I believe self-awareness does is it puts the ownership on us where we have to begin to reflect on why we are feeling what we're feeling.

See, for the for the older brother, he he understood and he had this buildup of emotions.

You could tell by the way that he responded to his father that this is not the first time he felt those words.

He had a whole speech prepared.

When his father confronted him and said, like, hey man, like can we can you help me to understand where you're at?

Well, I'm glad you asked, Dad.

Let me send you let me send you my notes on things I've been thinking about.

I've been dealing with all this stuff, I've been faithful to you, I've got all these things going on, and you have not at any point acknowledged me.

See, the truth of the matter is we are all very, very fragile beings.

I want us to think of it this way.

Think about how maybe you have a precious family vase that has been passed down from generation to generation.

And as it's gone from your great-grandmother's house to your grandmother's house, to your mother's house, and now to your house, you have this beautiful vase, but it's inevitable that this vase, because of wear and tear, it's gonna have some nicks on it, it's gonna have some scratches on it, it's gonna have some subtle cracks that maybe you don't even know.

But then one day your child bumps into it that causes it to crack, and now it begins to leak.

And now, as it begins to leak, you're reacting to the leaking all over the place without taking into consideration these are cracks that have been accumulated from other generations.

What can often happen when we're in relationships is that we are dealing with things that have been passed down from one generation to the next generation to the next generation, and now we're at a place where we're so fragile that at the minor little bumps, we begin to leak all over the place, and the people that bumped into us are not even the ones responsible for creating the fractures.

What self-awareness does is it confounds us, it could compels us to take some time to understand what am I feeling and why am I feeling this way.

And it's not easy.

This is why we have to invite God into the process.

The Bible tells us in Psalm 139, verse 23, search me, O God, and know my heart and test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Psalms 139:23

This is the psalmist saying, Man, I'm dealing with some trauma, I'm dealing with some emotions, I'm dealing with some disappointment, and I want to make sure that I'm not leaking all over people when they have nothing to do with the origins of this problem.

What I need to make sure of is that I'm self-aware.

So Lord, search my heart.

Literally, when I find myself in moments where I think that Megan and I are having recurring issues, or if I'm feeling some type of way when I'm dealing with things, dealing with ministry or work, I'll often say, like, wait a minute, like, why am I feeling this way?

Why, like, why why am I thinking this way?

Like, what why am I why is my mind going into this place?

I pause seven out of ten times to reflect on what am I feeling and why I am feeling.

What we understand is that self-awareness ensures that my response is proportionate to the present issue and not an overflow of unresolved pain.

I need to make sure that this is not an overflow of things that had nothing to do with you.

What self-awareness does, it ensures that I make it our issue.

I need to understand if it's first just my issue.

Because a lot of times, when I say it's our issue, it's actually my issue.

And I need to understand that so I can make sure I'm not expecting you to be a surgeon in things that you're not gifted at and that you didn't crack.

I need to make sure I put it in its rightful place.

What that means is taking the time to evaluate, to process, and ask these questions.

Here's the next thing that we have to do.

Here's point number two communication.

Communication.

Communication.

Are you hearing me?

Communication.

Y'all know I'm in school for this stuff.

Communication.

Whenever Megan and I are sitting with couples and we're finding and trying to get to the nitty-gritty, when we're trying to identify what's the main issue?

Communication.

Communication.

Are these are there unmet expectations because they haven't been communicated?

Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship, and you have to be intentional.

See, Megan and I, we went out to dinner, I think it was on Friday night.

We went out to celebrate just a great friend's birthday.

And while we were there, it was a bunch of people there.

And we're all there, we're at one of these spots, it's a really cool vibe.

Like music is going, tons of people are there.

We're all walking around, we're talking.

I don't know why I'm doing this, but I feel like dancing.

Like it was a vibe.

It was a vibe.

So we're there, it's a vibe.

It's loud.

But I recognize that people are talking all around me.

And then I would turn around and I would see somebody, they're waiting for me to respond, but I didn't hear them because it's so noisy in there.

So I knew then I had to kind of put in my strategy.

I'm like, okay, so what I need to do in order for me to engage everybody here, I need to have meaningful moments where I sit down with them, I look at them in the eye, and I lean in so I can hear them and they can hear me.

Because otherwise, what I'm trying to communicate and what they're trying to communicate can get drowned out by the atmosphere and so many other things that's going on.

Fast forward to the older brother.

When he shows up and he sees this party is going off for his brother, he is inconsolable.

He's frustrated, he's disappointed, he's angry.

And now instead of him initially communicating, the noise of his emotions, the noise of his disappointment, the noise of his heartbreak begin to get louder and louder and louder.

And now we're missing an opportunity for us to adequately communicate what's going on.

I want us to lean in and listen to me.

Women, stop giving us so much credit.

Just say what you mean.

Just say what you mean.

This goes for guys too, but I'm speaking from I'm speaking from my own pain points.

Say what you mean.

Because here's what I know.

This is just, this is 28 years in a game of experience.

Y'all can take it if you want to.

But here's what I know.

There's a lot of times that the conversation, I could be sitting down, minding my own business, just being a man of God, kingdom family-oriented guy.

Just trying to take the Eagles to the playoff on Madden 24.

Um, I'm I'm playing my part, and then and then Megan will walk by.

And here's how I know when things are a little bit off.

Where I'm sitting at if she walks in front of the TV or versus when she walks behind the TV.

If she walks behind the couch, then I know we're good.

If she walks in front of the TV and I can see she's slowing down a little bit, like, hey man, we good?

I'm fine.

Listen, man.

Just say what's on your heart.

I'm not gonna go into a seance to try to read your mind.

Just tell me, tell me what's on, what's going on.

I think sometimes like that they think that we should know what's going on.

And what happens is like, you know that when I wear my red shoes, that you know that I'm in this kind of mood, and you should pay attention that when I do like listen, I get it, and I know you've said it to me multiple times, but if you just say what you're trying to say, then I can be held accountable to what you said.

But I I am not that complicated.

I compartmentalize, I move on.

Just tell me what you want me to know.

This goes both ways.

Communication.

We have to communicate.

If we do not communicate, we're gonna lose the ability to create accountability, but we also lose an opportunity to grow.

Communication is the lifeblood, but communication is a two-way street.

We can't just communicate and say what we want to say, but not be willing to listen to a response.

James chapter 119 says this.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters.

You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

This is in the Bible.

Where's my wife at?

Um there she is.

Megan, let me read this.

Let me somebody zoom in.

Megan, when you read these something that's in the Bible.

You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Let the church say amen.

What I'm trying to help y'all to understand.

No, no, we good.

But but uh but here's here's what I want you to understand.

A lot of times we're quick to speak, but slow to listen.

Or we're quick to react and unwilling to communicate.

What what what James has given us, he's literally giving us the blueprint on effective communication.

Listen, be quick to listen.

I just need you to listen.

I need you to listen.

I need you to be slow to speak.

Don't listen to respond or listen to react.

I just need you to listen to hear what I'm saying and slow to get angry.

Why is he saying slow to get angry?

Because it's possible that when someone is communicating with us, our emotions take on a life of their own and they hijack the narrative, and we're no longer talking about the issue.

We're just talking about your reaction to it.

We have to make sure that we're slow to anger.

We're slow to allow our emotions to overturn the entire conversation.

There are times when Megan and I are having real deep conversations, and when she says something, my mind immediately begins to pull up files of no, that's not right.

I didn't say that.

But what I have to do is like, let me be slow to anger.

Let me let her finish.

Let me make sure I'm fully understanding where she's coming from.

Let me be slow to anger.

The thing that I will give the eldest brother just props on is that when the father did confront him, he actually shared what was on his heart.

He could have stormed off, he could have left, he could have, like, man, I'm not gonna talk to you about it.

You should know, Dad.

But he actually shared what was on his heart.

When we are having conversations with people, we must have the intention to understand and not just be understood.

There's three approaches that we need to put into consideration when we're having this conversation.

Timing, tone, and topic.

Timing.

Is this the best time for this conversation?

Like, I got something to share, and I realized that you got a lot going on.

Is this the best time?

Timing.

Tone.

Let me make sure that no matter how I feel, I'm not going to disminish you, I'm not going to speak down to you.

I want to keep my tone in check and speak to you in a respectful way.

Topic.

Stay on topic.

Because what I know, my default mode, if I am confronted, my default mode is to pull in other things to either justify me or to minimize the feelings that you actually have.

Pulling us off topic.

But I know that I just need to lean in no matter how uncomfortable it is, and I need to stay on topic.

If we can be people that work on our timing, our tone, and stay on our topic, when our communication goes forth, it will produce peace.

Here's the third and final thing.

Let it go.

Let it go.

At some point, we're gonna have to learn to just let it go.

Ephesians 4 32 says this instead be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Forgive somebody else because Christ has forgiven you.

Let me make that a little bit more personal.

You may be saying to yourself, they don't deserve it.

Well, neither did you.

They didn't earn it.

Well, neither did you.

The reason why Paul is saying the same grace that God extended to you, extended to others, because that means that I'm not doing it in my own strength, it's the overflow of what God has done in my own life.

But what I've learned with people is that people who don't forgive themselves will never be able to adequately forgive other people.

People who haven't learned how to receive God's forgiveness are not equipped to be able to give forgiveness to other people.

What the text is telling us is to remind yourself that you have been forgiven and then use that grace to allow you to extend forgiveness to others.

See, we all live and function with boundaries.

A lot of times when we have some kind of breach, something that happens to us, we establish boundaries as we should.

But watch this, we have to be careful that our boundaries don't actually turn into prisons.

Where I've placed boundaries around this, I've placed boundaries around you, but now I'm actually not moving forward, and you're confined and I'm confined.

We're living in a place of resentment.

This is a cautionary tale of the oldest brother's inability to recognize that his brother, who was lost, was now found.

He couldn't see that because he was so filled with resentment and unforgiveness.

And I believe that many times it's so hard for us to see the good in others.

It's so hard for us to move forward because we're so fixated on the violation and we're carrying this unforgiveness with us.

When Megan and I went to Greece, we had an opportunity to go and visit all types of different temples.

And one of the temples we went to visit um was a temple dedicated to the goddess Nemesis.

Didn't even know it was a real thing.

But Nemesis literally is the goddess of revenge.

And so when we went to go and visit this temple, um it wasn't easy to get to.

Like it was like a three-mile walk.

It was like walking down these ruins.

It was a very long, like aggressive walk.

Walking down, it was uncomfortable, and then you got to the temple.

And so I was thinking to myself, like, man, like, so people who wanted to get revenge for people who have harmed them, they would bring their sacrifice on this long path and bring it to the goddess at this temple.

They would slaughter the sacrifice, and then they would pray that she would seek revenge on their behalf.

And as I was sitting there, I was like, bro, that's a lot to go through.

Like, I mean, you're this is a three-mile walk.

You're carrying this heavy weight, you got all this stuff with you just because you want revenge.

I'm like, man, I don't know if I'm that angry with anybody.

I feel like maybe one mile in, I'm like, man, it's good.

We cool.

Like, I'm I'm not I'm not conditioned to carry a sacrifice of that degree because I want revenge.

And then God said, But my people have created these altars in their heart where they're holding resentment and they want revenge and they feel like that's how they're gonna be able to move forward.

We all have things that we're struggling with and things that we're wrestling with and things in areas where we feel like we've been done wrong, but we have to learn how to just let it go.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting, but it does liberate you from the chains of resentment.

Because the truth of the matter is this what you hold on to holds on to you.

If I hold on to unforgiveness, unforgiveness holds on to me.

If I hold on to bitterness, bitterness is going to hold on to me.

And then as it holds on to me, I gravitate to other people who are bitterness, and then we all are just in one camp of bitter people.

But I've learned that when I hold on to positivity, that I tend to be gravitating towards people who are also positive.

When I hold on to the cross, then healing holds on to me.

Breakthrough heals onto me, signs and wonders are on me, peace is now with me.

I've learned that I just have to make sure that I'm holding on to the right things.

So, back to my true crime story, because I gotta tell you how this whole thing wraps up.

So, the father comes in, he sees that the the older brother tried to hide the body, he's like, Hey, where's where's your brother?

He's like, Man, I don't know.

Am I supposed to be his babysitter?

And it was then that the father knew that a grave mistake had taken place, shattered family, and his heart was broken.

Friends, this story is the story of Cain and Abel.

A story that is as old as time.

When God confronts Cain and says, Hey man, why are you so angry?

What are you so upset about?

Like, you're part of my family.

I love you.

But if you don't get this sorted out, sin is crouching at your door and it's going to trip you up.

This is the words of God to Cain in Genesis 4, verse number 7.

Listen, if you don't get this worked out, sin is crouching at your door and it's going to trip you up.

Two verses later, when we get to verse number nine, Cain takes his brother out, he kills him, and then God confronts him.

It's like, hey, where's your brother?

And he says, I don't know.

Am I my brother's keeper?

Am I the one that's responsible for him?

First of all, I can't imagine talking to God like that, but hey, to each his own.

Am I responsible for my my brother?

The answer is yes.

See, that's what reconciliation is.

Am I my brother's keeper?

Yes.

Yes, I am.

See, this story of the prodigal son, it doesn't have an ending, at least not one that gives us closure.

What we see is the father talking with his son and saying, like, hey, this brother of yours that was lost is now found, and we have to celebrate.

And that's the end.

I believe there's no ending because we get to determine how it ends.

We get to determine, am I going to hold on to resentment and miss my spot at the Father's table?

Or am I going to be a person of reconciliation and take my rightful place where I can experience grace and peace?

2 Corinthians 5, 8 and 19.

It says, for God, from everything is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and has given us the ministry of reconciliation.

We've been reconciled to God, and He's now given us the assignment of being ministers of reconciliation, conduits of reconciliation.

People who are pro-reconciliation, bringing equality, bringing harmony back into the family of God.

What I recognize is that we're living in a time where reconciliation has become a political phrase.

It's been something that's been hijacked by culture.

And so when people hear it, you either have one or two responses.

You have a definition that you've already predescribed of what it means, or you've already been heavy-given the ideology on now why you need to reject it because it's just woke.

But this is not a political thing.

This is literally a kingdom thing.

It's saturated throughout the entirety of the Bible.

It's hard to read the Bible with any essence of the heart of God and not see his heart for these things.

And I realize that because of our political postures, we can sometimes miss the move of God because we're so defeated in the talking points that we've seen on the news.

And the victims of that mass shooting were people that look like me.

And the reason why they were targeted was because they look like me.

No other reason.

So I want you guys to hear this.

My daughter lives in Jacksonville.

My grandchildren are in Jacksonville.

I have family and friends who are in Jacksonville.

So when I first hear the news, I'm thinking to myself, oh my gosh, like I is everybody okay?

Like it's hard for me to even wrap my mind around it.

And then when I find out the motivation behind it, I'm like, how how do we get here?

How do we get here that a person can genuinely get to a point where it's like, hey, I'm so angry, I hate everybody that looks like this, and I want to kill as many of them as possible.

How do we get here?

Because there's an absence of reconciliation.

It happens when a person says an off-color comment and no one corrects them.

It happens when we see something and we don't say something.

It happens when you're at the family gathering and you had an experience that was unique, but we didn't try to generalize it against all the same people group.

It happens when instead of them being people, it becomes them.

The labels dehumanize, which justifies the outrage that we begin to pour out, and now it becomes this outpouring of anger and rage, and it breaks the heart of God.

What I believe God is challenging us to be is man, keep your political preference, but can we be people who are kingdom first?

Can we be people that can grieve with those who grieve and celebrate with those who celebrate?

Can I get past what Republicans or Democrats are saying and saying that this is a person made in the image of God and this grieves the heart of God?

And the heart of reconciliation is that we need to find a way to fight for harmony.

That is the responsibility that God has given us.

With every head bowed and with every eye closed, I want to go into a moment of prayer.

I believe all of us, if we're honest with ourselves, have moments where we acknowledge that there's relationships are so heavy, they're so weighty.

Whether it's a spouse, a child, a parent, people at work, we're we're made to be connected to other people, but it's all it's a source of joy, but also a pain point that we just can't ignore.

But I believe that God wants to heal us in that space.

So if you're in here with us right now and you just know that man, I just I just need a touch from God in the area of my relationships.

I just need to experience redemption.

I need to experience this grace that you're talking about, Keith.

I need to learn how to communicate.

I I need to work towards reconciliation.

If that's you, I just want you to lift a hand up on account of three because I believe there's a grace in here that can bring restoration and healing in that space.

One, two, three.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

God bless you.

Amen.

Here's what I want us to do.

I want us to stand on our feet.

We're gonna go into uh a time of worship.

And I believe that there's a grace in this place that is gonna really, really just be a catalyst to help us to move forward.

But but here's what I want to do.

If you're in here and you raise your hands, I want you to come down and meet me here at this altar.

I'm going to put some anointing oil in my hands and I want to pray for every single one of you that are believing God for reconciliation in any area that you're looking for God to give a touch.

And I want you to come down right now.

I'm gonna give you one minute and then we're gonna pray the power of God's gonna move.

But what I believe is in these moments where we can step outside of our comfort zone, we can step outside of our seats, we can come to the altar knowing that God is gonna meet us exactly where we are.

The resentment that you're carrying is not the will of God.

The disunity that you're carrying is not the will of God.

God wants you to experience healing and peace.

And I want us all to come in closer, come in closer, come in closer.

I know the pain that we're experiencing.

I'm gonna ask some of the staff and some of the prayer team to come in.

I'm gonna um just begin to pray and lay hands on on all of us.

And as we as we go into a time of worship, I'm believing that God is gonna move and bring healing and restoration to our relationships.

Here, here's the key thing: it's the anointing that destroys the yoke.

It is not it is not a prayer, and it is not me and my own strength.

But what I can tell you is there's an anointing here that's gonna bring restoration, it's gonna give us the capacity on how we need to move forward.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you so much, Lord, that you have given us the ministry of reconciliation.

Reconciliation is near and dear to the heart of God.

And so, Father, I touch and agree with every person that is up here at this altar.

You know the pain that they carry, you know the breach in the relationship, the unforgiveness that may have been established in our lives, Father, that is making it difficult for them to move forward.

Father, I pray in the name of Jesus, God, that the resentment that we are carrying, that we can allow it to come off of us in Jesus' name.

Father, I pray, Father, that you give us the capacity to have the conversations that we need to have, Lord, that we can speak with clarity and with perspective and with wisdom, Father, and with insight, Father, with a heart of moving forward and being people that don't carry resentment, Lord.

I pray for the chains to be broken off of us, God.

I pray for areas of unforgiveness where there's been trauma, where there's been things and violations that have been brought upon us, Lord God, that are keeping us from moving forward, Father.

But today we say no more.

God, we're asking for wisdom and discernment on how we can move forward, of how we can be unified and how we can reflect you, God.

I pray, Father, for every person that is looking to have reconciliation, but the people may not be receptive to it.

That Lord, you will soften hearts, Father, that you will create an atmosphere where reconciliation can even take place.

Father, I pray for softened hearts, God.

I pray for wisdom and discernment on how we navigate through it, Lord God.

We trust you and we come against every divisive thing that the enemy is trying to establish.

So, God, we trust you, and we're asking, Father, for chains to be broken, God.

We come against every lie of the enemy.

We will not be tripped up by this any further, God.

That we're gonna walk in freedom and in healing, and we're declaring our breakthrough is today.

Resentment, you have no hold on us because we're holding on to the cross.

Unforgiveness, you have no hold on us because we're holding on to the cross.

All the things that the adversary has been trying to convince us to carry, we shed it off in the name of Jesus and we're putting on victory, we're putting on righteousness, we're putting on healing, we're putting on restoration.

I pray for the capacity to forgive in the name of Jesus.

I command for relationships to be restored, husbands and wives to be restored, fathers and sons to be restored, mothers and daughters, God.

I'm praying, Father, for you to protect family.

I'm praying for peace in Jesus' name.

So, God, we thank you for what you're doing, we thank you for what you've done.

We thank you that chains are broken, God, and that you're gonna give us the clarity and the peace to move forward.

So, Father, we honor you.

We invite you into this relationship, and we ask that you bring reconciliation in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen and amen.

Let's put our hands together and let's worship one more time together.

Thanks again for listening.

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