How To Love People When It's Hard (Matthew 22) | Pastor Maegan Pittman

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I'm so glad you're here today.

I know many of us come in.

Sometimes we come in full of faith, sometimes we come in with questions, sometimes we come in exhausted.

Hello, parents.

You come in exhausted.

So I'm glad you're here.

And the message that I'm going to talk about today is really going to be talk about loving others.

It's simple yet hard.

It's not always easy to love others.

Sometimes it's confronting those things that are within us.

And that's what we're going to do today.

We're going to dig into it and see what God wants to do within us.

Love is it's not the kind of love that we put on coffee mugs or on social media.

Love is not surrounding ourselves around people that just agree with us, that affirm us, that make our life easier.

But love is commanded by Jesus in the Bible.

And so if you have your Bibles with you this morning, I want you to turn to Matthew 22, 37 through 39.

If not, you got the Bible in the sky.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.

This is the first and greatest commandment.

A second is equally important.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Turn to your neighbor.

Say, I love you as I love myself.

You know why you're laughing?

Because it's awkward.

It is awkward to do it when people hurt us, right?

It's even awkward to do it.

It's like, do I love myself that well?

Can I say this with confidence?

Man, it makes us feel awkward at times.

But this is what Jesus is commanding us to do.

And that's the ache that we all feel, right?

Because loving others sounds beautiful until others are difficult.

Loving others sounds beautiful until someone hurts us.

Loving others sounds beautiful until others don't change.

Loving others sounds beautiful until others think differently, live differently, vote differently, raise their kids differently, and even deeply wounding us.

But there's a real tension between Jesus' command to love and our lived experience of pain, exhaustion, and division.

Pain from emotional wounds of loving and perfect people.

Exhaustion, the fatigue that comes from giving, forgiving, and showing up.

Division that comes from relational strains, conflict, or disunity.

And pretending that tension doesn't exist doesn't help any of us.

We can't pretend it away.

We have to confront it sometimes.

So today's message is entitled, Loving Others When It's Hard.

Let's pray.

Lord Jesus, you are love, not just in word, but in truth and action.

Today we invite you to speak to us gently and clearly, where our hearts are guarding, soften them.

Where we are wounded, tend to us.

When we are tired, strengthen us.

Teach us how to love, not from pressure, not from guilt, but from your presence and your power.

We surrender this time to you.

Amen.

I'm gonna talk about brands this morning.

Let me tell you, there's a brand that I like.

I kind of like it for you know athletic reasons.

You know, when you go to the gym, like I like this brand.

And that brand is Nike, right?

Everybody knows the brand motto.

What is it, y'all?

Okay.

Listen, we all know the brand is just do it.

We know it by the Nike swoosh that it is a Nike product because they've done such a good job.

You have people that um have a specific job in protecting that brand.

That brand represents performance, discipline, excellence, grit, but there's specific people making sure that in different platforms and in stores that this brand is represented.

There's another brand that I really love that's close and dear to my heart, and that is Disney.

How many Disney fans we got in here?

Oh, that was very low.

Wow, I didn't expect that.

Maybe I shouldn't have asked that question.

But Disney, we all know the brand, right?

When you see the castle, you're like, that's a Disney castle.

You see the princesses, you know that they're they're representing Disney.

When you see the Mickey ears, you definitely know that it's Mickey.

And so for those who are older, I'm not telling my age right now, but those who are older, you remember what Mickey and Minnie when you were younger.

I mean, they look, they look, they're not retro looking anymore.

They're more modernized.

But we remember those things about the ears.

You know, when you go to Disney, they have, you know, a pretzel.

They're not going to have a pretzel that doesn't have Mickey on it, right?

Like if it had like an alligator, they were like, wait a minute, what are y'all doing?

This doesn't represent the brand.

Uh, you go down certain stores and you have certain smells, and uh you have the Mickey ears, you have all these things that tell us who the brand is.

And there's people behind the scenes making sure that the brand is protected.

Your brand tells you what to expect when they encounter you.

That's your brand.

Now, listen, whether you like it or not, us as Christians, we have a brand too.

We do.

It's not your political party, it's not how it takes, it's not your preference, it's not just being honest.

I'm not just being honest.

Our brand is love.

Jesus didn't say they know you are my disciples by your ideas or your opinions.

He didn't say they will know your mind by your truth.

You know, we always say, you hear, I'm speaking my truth.

He said, You love, your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

So if our brand is love, here's the questions.

When people interact with you, do they experience Jesus or do they experience us?

The fleshly side of us, the part of us that's imperfect.

Um, sometimes that can be mean or aggressive.

Do they experience Jesus?

Do they see Jesus on the inside of us?

And sometimes we project our feelings more than we protect our witness.

Today Jesus is calling us back.

And so when we look into Matthew 22 again, it says, You must love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your soul, all of your mind.

This is the first and greatest commandment.

When I hear the word greatest, I'm like, you're emphasizing something of importance.

And it says, secondly, is equally important, love your neighbor as yourself.

In this context, Jesus is in Jerusalem and tension is high, and they have the religious leaders, they're trying to trap him by asking them questions.

And at this time, it's political, it's social, it's public, it's messy.

And Jesus says, I'll tell you what matters most.

It's love.

Which is interesting.

Because when pressure rises, most people don't become more loving, they become more reactive.

When we're stressed, we get sharp.

When we're afraid, we get controlling.

But Jesus looks at the crowd full of agendas and says, if you want to represent God, love has to be your brand.

Is love your brand today?

That's all all of us should be wrestling with that question.

But here's the thing that I do know.

If we don't get the why that we should love others, the how won't stick.

So why should we love others?

And I believe that we should love others because love is God's nature.

In John 4, 8, it says, anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love.

It's his essence, it's who he is.

God is love the way fire is hot, God is love the way the ocean is wet, God is love the way the sun is bright.

And so when we love, we are not just being nice, we're reflecting God.

And I can say something simpler, but more importantly, it's our faith that if our faith makes us meaner, then we're doing it wrong.

If our Christianity makes us more judgmental, more sarcastic, more rude, more impatient, something's clearly off.

Because when God is forming you, love should be creasing, increasing.

That should be the overflow.

It's not passive, it's not people pleasing, but a Christ-like love is strong, it's steady, it's humble, and it's kind.

Love is not just something God does, it's truly who He is.

When we love, we are reflecting God's nature.

When we refuse love, we misrepresent the God we claim to follow.

And the other critical part is, you know, we we we we know that loving God is God's nature, but also love is an act of obedience.

Um this is why Jesus frames it as his command.

He says in Matthew 22, um, it isn't if you feel like it, it's you must love.

And I know that many times it can feel intense because we live in an emotional culture, right?

We treat love like a mood, but but biblical love is bigger than an emotional, an emotion.

It's a decision, it's an action, it's obedience.

Which means there will be moments where you're loving someone and your feelings are not invited to the meeting.

Hello.

Sometimes that happens, right?

But discipleship isn't just about I believe in Jesus.

Discipleship is I follow Jesus.

And love is the pathway to get us there.

Can I get a good amen?

Love is the pathway to get us there because we can choose otherwise.

But if we're going to be called disciples, we must follow him.

And so why is it hard to love others?

It's very, very hard sometimes to love others, whether we're in our workplaces, whether we're in our homes, whether we're with our friends, sometimes loving others is hard.

Why is it so difficult?

Because people are broken, including us.

Romans 3 23 says, for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

We all have fallen short.

So, yes, people will disappoint you.

They're inconsistent, they can be immature, they can be selfish, they can be reactive, but here's the twist so are you, and so am I.

And I know you're like, Megan, I didn't I came to get encouragement this morning.

I even the playing field, you guys.

We're all gonna get encouragement through this.

But it helps us to stop acting shock when humans act human.

Now that doesn't excuse harm, that doesn't minimize boundaries, that doesn't mean that you stay in unsafe situations, but it does mean we stop carrying the unrealistic expectations that people should never fail us while we expect grace when we fail others.

It triggers wounds, and if I can be honest, sometimes loving people is hard because it touches the pain that's going on going on in the inside of us, it triggers the wounds, it highlights insecurities, it exposes pride.

Like, why did that comment make me so angry?

Why did that tone shut me down?

Why did that disagreement feel like betrayal?

And sometimes the issue isn't just them, sometimes it's the work that God is doing in you, and sometimes it's the work that God is doing in me.

And that's not condemnation, that's an invitation because God doesn't just want to use you, He wants to heal you.

And how do many know we all want to be healed from the inside out so that we can reflect the true love that God has given us?

Loving others is hard because hurt people hurt people.

We love that phrase, and we hear it and it sounds good when we say it and we understand it, but when an incident happens to us, that is not the phrase that we want to hear.

Love requires vulnerability, and vulnerability feels risky.

Man, it's hard to have a conversation with someone that's hurt us, right?

Man, I have to talk to them.

What's gonna happen?

We're thinking about we're role-playing what's happening in our mind.

Are they gonna argue with me?

Are we gonna get into a fight?

Is this gonna cause us to be separated as friends?

It's risky.

And love does not guarantee safety, it requires courage.

Courage to step out in those places that are uncomfortable, courage to have those difficult conversations.

It takes courage.

And there's a second reason for um why loving people is hard, is love costs.

And one of the stories that um I found you know just eye-opening was the story of the Good Samaritan.

Um, in Luke 25, it talks about on one occasion, an expert in the law, which was a lawyer, stood up to the test, Jesus.

Teacher, he asked, What must I do to inherit internal life?

What is the written law?

He replied.

How do you read it?

He answered.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

And you answered correctly.

Jesus replied, Do this and you will live.

And then further in the text, it talks about it goes into the story where Jesus shares about the Jewish man that was robbed.

And they stripped him of his clothes, they beat him up, they left him for dead beside the road.

Two religious leaders crossed the street and avoided the injured man, and one was a priest and the other was a Levite.

A Samaritan came by and had pity, or in another translation, it talks about he had compassion on the injured man.

The Samaritan bandaged his wounds with oil and wine, and put him on his donkey, and took him to the inn and cared for him and gave him money to pay for his expenses.

Here in this story, you have two bandits harming a neighbor.

You have religious leaders avoiding a helpless man, and none of this exemplifies Jesus' desire for us to model his love through loving our neighbor.

And there's a second reason people is loving hard, you know, when we talk about loving people that are hard, it costs us something.

The man is beaten, left half dead on the road, and two religious people see him and keep walking.

Not because they were necessarily evil, sometimes it's simpler than that.

They were busy, they were cautious, they were worried about getting involved, they had reasons.

But then a Samaritan shows up.

In Jesus' day, you have to understand the Samaritans and the Jews didn't mix.

There was a history of prejudice, division, and like we don't help those people division.

And what does the Samaritan do?

He stops, he moves toward the pain, he bandages the wounds, he lifts him onto his own animal, he takes him to an inn and he pays for his care.

I mean, he disrupted what he was doing for the day.

I'm sure he was working, I'm sure he had other things to do.

And then he says, if it costs more, I'll come back and cover that too.

Wow, what a blessing.

You get to stay in a hotel for free.

And if you need to stay, you need some expenses covered, whether it's more medicine or whether it's to pay for the place to stay, I'll cover that too.

I'm like, that's gangster.

I'm like, yes, come on, money.

Um and blessings.

But this is what love looks like when it's not theoretical.

Love is not just a feeling, it's not an interruption, it's not an inconvenience.

Love is generosity, it's risk, it's crossing the road.

And here's the part that we need to sit with.

The priests and the Levite didn't refuse hatefully, they refused quietly.

They didn't say anything to him that it was in a negative way, but their silence was louder.

Which means you can be religious and still walk past people.

So when Jesus says love your neighbor, he's not talking about loving people who are easy, who are like you, who agree with you, who vote like you or make you feel comfortable.

He's talking about the love that costs something.

These religious leaders knew the law, but lacked love.

The Samaritan had compassion, sprung into action, didn't abandon the one who was rejected and neglected.

The Samaritan modeled sacrifice and love over the burden and responsibility it would create.

So here's attention to highlight.

The right people didn't love, but the unexpected person did.

Loving others costs time, energy, pride, and sometimes even your reputation.

But our culture values self does not value self-protection over self-giving.

Sometimes the cost of love is forgiveness, and that's hard.

Colossians talks about forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Jesus even commands for us to love our enemies.

Oh, that's hard.

How do I do that?

What others is not is enabling harmful behavior, tolerating abuse, silencing your pain, ignoring wisdom, or sacrificing your mental, emotional, or physical health.

Jesus loved perfectly and he set boundaries.

He withdrew from the crowds, he confronted sin.

He did not entrust himself to everyone.

Hello.

Jesus had He had layers to his things.

He had the one, he had the three, he had the 12.

He had more.

Like he knew which ones were supposed to be real close, but that didn't mean that he didn't love them all.

They had different access.

Love does not require proximity to be genuine.

Love does not demand self-destruction to be holy.

And as a pastor and a therapist, let me say this clearly: boundaries are not a failure of love, they are a form of stewardship.

So, how do we love each other well?

How do we do that?

We receive and reflect.

This is how we love others well.

When we love, we are reflecting God's nature, not our nature.

As humans, we are created to receive and give love.

Love fills our tank.

Man, it fills our tank.

Man, when my husband can get my favorite fruit, he made some ribs last night.

They had a sear on them.

I didn't know there was layer to ribs, like there's multiple ones, but I was like, my heart, you seared this like a steak.

This is You love me.

Humans are created for connection.

Studies consistently show that love and belonging improve mental, emotional, and physical health.

Sometimes we're feeding and reflecting it's gonna be what we need.

The only way you can consistently love people well is if you're first letting God love you well.

And I know that sounds like a kind of like a Christian bumper sticker, but first John 4 7 says, Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God.

That means love is our source.

Love doesn't come from your personality, it doesn't come from your mood, it doesn't come from trying harder.

Love comes from God.

So if we're trying to love people without receiving God's love, we're basically trying to pour from an empty cup.

And no wonder we become irritated, drained, and easily offended.

Some of us aren't struggling because we're bad people.

Here's what happens when you don't receive God's love.

You start trying to love out of willpower and you burn out.

You start trying to love out of wounds and you lash out.

You start trying to love out of pride and you can't score.

You start trying to love out of fear and you can defend.

So when I say receive, I mean this.

God's love is not a concept.

Let it be the place where you live.

Don't just believe that God loves you.

You actually let him love you.

Let him speak to the parts of you that feel rejected, overlooked, used, and unseen.

I have my uh I don't know why I use those because I always laugh when me and my husband get together because we're always laughing together.

But here's where the mirror comes in.

I think that's what you're doing.

Here's my model, you guys.

I'm Vanna White.

A mirror doesn't create anything.

It doesn't manufacture light, it doesn't produce an image.

A mirror only reflects what it is facing.

So the question isn't, do you love?

The question is what are you facing?

Because whatever you're facing is what you'll reflect.

Whatever you're facing is what you'll reflect.

If you wake up facing anxiety, you'll reflect tension.

If you wake up facing offense, you'll reflect sarcasm.

If you're wake up facing outrage, you'll reflect harshness.

If you wake up facing exhaustion, you'll reflect impatience.

But if you face Jesus, if you face Jesus and you say your face toward him, you'll start reflecting love.

Keep your face toward him.

And here's what I want you to see.

Some of us are walking around trying to love people, but we're not reflecting Jesus.

We're reflecting the heart the ones who hurt us.

We're reflecting what you've been through.

We're reflecting what you're scrolling through.

That comparison.

We're reflecting what you're carrying.

And Jesus is inviting us to the simplest posture.

Turn your face towards me.

Let me feel you, let me heal you, let me steady you, let me love you.

Because when you receive his love, you don't have to force love.

Love becomes the overflow.

When I don't receive God's love, I love people like a judge.

But when I receive God's love, I love people like a witness.

A judge keeps the score.

A witness tells the truth about what they've seen.

And I've seen God be patient with me.

I've seen God forgive me.

I've seen God correct me without shaming me.

I've seen God stay with me when I was complicated.

So now I can turn around and reflect what I have received.

And that's why 1 Corinthians 13.

This is not a performance checklist.

It says, am I patient?

Am I kind?

Am I not envious?

Am I not boastful?

Am I not proud?

Am I not dismantling of others?

Am I not self-seeking?

Am I not easily angered?

Am I not keeping a record of wrongs?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth, as the word says.

It always protects, it always trusts, it always hopes, it always perseveres.

It's not try to be patient.

It's have you been with Jesus long enough to reflect his patience?

It's not try to be kind.

Are you facing God's kindness on a daily basis?

Because love is not something we hype up.

Love is something that God produces in us when we stay close to the source.

So today, before we talk about what love does, we have to start where love comes from.

Love comes from God.

So we receive, then we can reflect.

Thank you.

I feel like the Holy Spirit is here today.

This message is not about those people out there.

It's about us.

It's about who we're becoming.

And I want to say something that might hit home.

Some of you don't struggle to love people.

Your struggle is to love a person.

That one person, that one family member, that one coworker, that one leader, that one friend that hurt you, the one person who sees life differently than you.

And you've been saying, God, change them.

I prayed that prayer sometimes.

Change them.

It's not me.

And God is like, I'm working on you.

He's working on you.

He's working on me.

Because love is the evidence of maturity.

The goal of discipleship is not that you become more informed.

We have enough of the information out here.

Books, podcasts, you name it, we have enough.

It's that you become more like Christ.

So here's what I want to do: I want to create a moment.

Not for emotional manipulation, not for guilt, just an invitation for you.

I want you to love well, but if I'm honest, I've been hardened.

If that's you, put your hand close to your heart.

If you've been defensive, if you've been angry, if you've been avoidant, if you've been hurt, say, I want to receive God's love more deeply because I can't keep trying to give love from an empty place.

If that's you, I want to pray for you.

And maybe here today and you don't know what it's like to receive God's love.

Listen, God's love is not something that you earn, it's something you receive.

Jesus went to the cross because you are loved and he's calling you home.

If you want to say Jesus, yes to Jesus today, whether it's your first time or you want to recommit your life to Christ, this is your moment.

Let's pray.

Father, in Jesus' name, we ask you to do something deep in us.

Where our hearts have been hurt, heal us.

Where our love has grown cold, rekindle us.

When we have used our words to wound, convict, convict us, cleanse us.

Where we have held grudges, give us grace to release what we've been carrying.

Where we have made people our enemy, remind us our battle is not against flesh and blood.

Jesus, teach us to love like you.

Help us to protect the brand of the kingdom, which is love.

Let our church be known for love that is real, love that is courageous, love that is compassionate, love that is truthful, love that looks like Jesus.

And Lord, I pray specifically for the difficult relationship represented in this room.

Give wisdom, give timing, give humility, give boundaries where needed, give courage where needed, and most of all, fill us again with the love of God because love comes from you.

It's in Jesus' name that we pray.

Amen.

Thank you for joining us to learn more about Celebration Orlando, a church devoted to reaching the lost, equipping the found, and helping the hurting.

Follow us on social media using the handle at celebrationorl or visit our website at celebrationorl.org.