A Husband’s Responsibility | 1 Peter 3:7 | 12/14/2025

If you're new to us, we study the Bible

in an in-depth way. And um our goal when

we come here together as a church family

is to hear from God. You don't need to

hear from a preacher so much as you need

to hear from the creator, the originator

of this message. And so the preacher's

job is to simply say what God has said

accurately and compellingly. And so

that's what we desire to do. We also

recognize that coming to coming to know

God is means learning. He says come to

me and learn of me. And so our church is

committed to that. Our church says that

we see the Bible as the basis of

everything that we can understand and

everything that we know. And so this

morning we come again. We've been

studying the little letter of first

Peter over the last several months. This

is message 23. And it's kind of coming

to the end of an important section where

we have been. I'm going to ask you if

you would to take at your outline and

notice there with me page one under the

review and context. We do this in order

to remember where we've studied, but

also we do this so that if you're new to

us, you can see where we've been. I'm

not going to review all of that this

morning. I'm just going to simply say

Peter is building up to a key idea in

his letter saying that if we're going to

live a holy life in a fallen world then

submission has to be part of our life

and that's for everybody. We first the

first area he talks about is government.

The second area he talks about is work

life and the idea even at that time of

slaves and masters. But for us um

responsibility that is given to us

either as employers or the

responsibility that we have as employees

that we submit to the structures that

are around us. And then we look at this

touchy area of submission in the life of

the family and submission in the life of

a marriage. And so because our society

is so distorted and because our society

is so tentious in this area of

submission within marriage, submission

within a society in general of of family

life. Um we've taken some time to look

at what marriage is, why God gave it to

us, what does it mean, and why does

Peter write what he writes. And so we've

taken in our first Peter study, we've

looked at the covenant nature of

biblical marriage because it deals with

that as you will see here. So we we've

we've looked at this idea of what does

marriage really mean? And uh we called

it a doozy. Submission and marriage. Uh

the first message um uh was where we

first dove into it and then we looked

last week again at it. um submission

marriage. That was part two. And uh this

morning, we're going to keep going in

that. We're going to look at a husband's

responsibility. But let's let's now that

I peaked your attention, especially if

you're new to us this morning. Let's

read the passage again. And uh we'll see

the passages that we looked at last

week, the first six verses, and then

we're going to see what we're studying

this morning. So look with me there. 1

Peter 3 and verse 1. Look what it says.

Likewise. Now remember with me the

likewise is there because he's already

talked about submission in government

and submission with with your

employment. And now he's switching gears

to marriage. Likewise submission here.

Likewise wives be subject to your own

husbands so that even if some of them do

not obey the word that they may be one

without a word by the conduct of their

wives. So talking about wives coming to

faith in Jesus their husband has not. So

you press forward with this, but be

submissive to him. Don't that what

you've already done is defiant by

becoming a Christian. Be careful with

that. You'll drive him away if you're

not careful. Here we see that they may

be one without a word by the conduct of

their wives. Verse two, when they see

your respectful and pure conduct. And

then he goes on to cultural issues

around um women and womanhood. Number

three, do not let your adorning be

external, the braiding of hair, the

putting on of gold jewelry or clothing

you wear, but let your adorning be the

hidden person of the heart with the

imperishable beauty of a gentle and

quiet spirit which in God's sight is

very precious. So at that time day and

time in Roman culture um there was a

boers that today we have real feminism

um where we would see um extreme

rejection of God ordained roles that he

has in society and even in family even

in the life of the church we see a lot

of rejection of that this this great

equalization

and we would say right from the

beginning and right from the outset

absolutely men and Women have equal

value in every way before God. Men and

women have equal rights when it comes to

our society and they should. But we

would also say it's not about the idea

of equal value. It's about differing

roles that God has given. Not everybody

in this room has the same role at work.

Not everybody in this room has the same

role in government. There are police

officers that are here that have the

authority to arrest me. They can come

bind my hands, put me in a vehicle, and

take me where I do not want to go. And

God has given them that. Romans 13 says

God has given them that authority.

And so we see that there are different

roles, there are different authorities

for different purposes. But here we see

that God has laid this out. We see some

hints of this that even go into um very

very obvious things. But notice here

with me in verse 5 um he's saying this

this gentle and quiet spirit as opposed

to being boisterous in and trying to

dominate um is precious to God. Look at

verse 5. For this is how the holy women

who hoped in God used to adorn

themselves by submitting to their own

husbands. as Sarah obeyed Abraham,

calling him Lord, and you are her

children, if you do good and do not fear

anything that is frightening. Last

Sunday, we looked at that. If you missed

that, I want to encourage you to go

listen to that sermon. Get the notes and

go listen to that. Wednesday night, we

looked at the life of Sarah. And um I

want you to notice a couple of things in

this. Why? Six verses directed at wives

and one directed at husbands. One,

because Peter's in Peter's day, women

were viewed as what? Inferior to men.

When wives became Christians without

their husbands, it created real what?

>> Conflict. It created real conflict. And

so there was a, you know, why is my wife

no longer worshiping my gods? She's

chosen a different god. And Peter is

saying, let's don't drive them away.

Let's be careful with this. Don't

worship, ladies, the other gods. You've

come to Jesus now. Worship him. You've

done the right thing. But be careful how

we do it so that we might win them, too.

Look at number three. This was viewed

when women would become Christians. This

was viewed as an extreme act of defiance

that brought embarrassment and shame

perhaps. Number four, because in Roman

society, like our society, women were

severely objectified. That means turned

into objects, not really personalized,

but objectified.

Their wealth facilitated widespread

obsession with appearance and

sexualization. Roman society was wealth

was wealthy. American society is

wealthy. Western society today is

wealthy by and large. And that allows

for a great distortion in preoccupation

with sexualized uh behavior and a great

ungodliness that unfolds. So appearance

and sexualization becomes very

important. People have the money to get

all of these things done. People have

the money to get fancy hairds and

plastic surgery and this and that and

drive certain cars and have certain

clothes and have certain jewelry. And

it's all about appearance. appearance,

appearance maybe about status, status,

status, sometimes about sex, sex, sex.

We see that all around us. And so

wealthier societies are going to be

plagued with that more because they have

the disposal of income to act like that.

Not everybody is starving. Uh when

you're in a very very poor society,

perhaps an agrarian society or a rather

dystopian society, you are just trying

to survive. And so we see in this Roman

culture

really is a reflection uh or American

culture is really a reflection of Roman

culture with this because of our wealth.

We deal with the same problem. Notice

the next thing here number five. And we

didn't say this last week but this is

this is we did say this Wednesday night.

The world of women as opposed to the

world of men is more

>> complex.

It just is.

I mean, guys need food and a couple of

other things and that's about it.

Um, they don't have as much to say. They

didn't see all of that in what was done.

Um,

there's there's I'm telling you, the way

God has made the male brain to work and

the way God has made the female brain to

work are very different.

And we also can look at the human body.

Um, any doctor in this room will tell

you, uh, male or female doctor, any

doctor in this room will tell you that

the female body is far more complex

than the male body.

Far more. And I mean there's there's a

broad range of of processes and

interorganic and and by organic we mean

organ interorgan exchange

in the female body that the male body

does not have. There's all kinds of

things that have to happen with the

brain along with other organs inside the

body in order to be able to conceive and

nurture and carry and give birth to a

child.

That is an amazing

amazing

ability of the female body that the male

body is far from. And by the way, how

anyone is confused about that in this

day and time is amazing to me.

Men can't have babies.

I don't I don't know how obvious that

has to be.

So

when we look at this and when we look at

the complexity of the female and and

think about this,

the the male reproductive system

is basically

capable of of doing its thing

without seasonal change, without monthly

change, without anything like for nearly

the trajectory of the entire life. The

female ability is totally different from

that. There is a monthly cycle that

changes many things in the course of the

anatomy. And that monthly cycle, I mean,

it has to come to maturity and then it's

it's able to for a period of time and

then it goes through a change again

where it is not able to do that.

All of that changes chemistry

dramatically as time goes on. And all

the women in this room are saying,

"Preach it, buddy. Preach it.

You have no idea."

Pastor, I'm glad you're a reader. And

I'm glad you have some doctor friends

cuz you're getting a little bit closer

to understanding our world.

Their bodies. Notice this on your

outline. Their bodies, their chemistry,

listen to this, their intuition. This

has to do with their logic and their

emotion being brought together. The two

sides of their brain, left and right,

communicate far more than a male brain.

Um, in fact, males are brain damaged

shortly after birth as a hormone is

released that kills off brain connection

between left hemisphere and right

hemisphere. God designed that little bit

of brain damage to happen for the

purposes that a male needs, but he kept

that from happening for the purposes

that a female needs. So her emotion and

her logic are more integrated than a

male. Um and that plays to a great

advantage on certain tasks, plays to a

lesser advantage on other tasks. And so

we we see their chemistry, their

intuition, their relationships,

their relationships are very different.

We mentioned Sunday or Wednesday night

that on average men in American society

speak about 7,000 words a day.

Do you know how many words a woman

speaks in a day? On average, 21,000

words a day.

That is a huge difference.

That's very, very different. I mean,

think about it. You come home, you see

each other after a long day. Now some of

you I know have certain jobs women where

where you don't want to talk and you but

by and large when when you wind up

together in the evening there's either

phone time or other time or whatever men

just don't talk as much especially if

they have been around people all day. If

there's been stress men tend to back up.

Men tend to if there's if there's

conflict men tend to be quiet. They want

to do something physical. They want to

leave for a little while. That's what

men do. Women want to say, "No, now wait

a minute. Wait a minute. I mean, but

let's let's we we got to get to the

bottom." You know,

those those are very natural different.

Well, with all of that comes a

complexity.

And guys are like, "Hey, what do you

want to do? You want to go down?" Yeah,

we can go. I'll get my fishing rod.

We'll go. Okay. and they can stand there

on the edge of a canal out in the

Everglades and try to catch a little

fish um all day and not say anything um

whereas women are going they're going to

talk about what you know I feel about

this what do you think about that

with that comes a complexity

and so there's sometimes in scripture I

mean I I praise God

that his word does not ignore the world

of women it addresses the world of

And it does so in a way that I mean is

perfect because he knows exactly what

he's doing. And so when he deals with

these things and when he's looking at

when when Peter is writing to the early

church in Roman society and there's all

these things that are kind of happening

around the world of women that affect

the world of men too and affect the

church and affect the gospel, affect the

kingdom of God. Those things have to be

dealt with. I mean, it's, you know, guys

by and large are kind of, you know, ugly

and and not very good-looking. Whereas,

I mean, an an important part of the of

the life of a woman is the idea of her

appearance and her in her beauty. Well,

that can be very distorted.

Um, and that can be very very um ungodly

when we run in those circles of what the

world values as opposed to the things

that God values. And so notice this.

Number six, the nature of feminine

appearance and attraction in regards to

godliness versus worldliness is a

complicated

powerful aspect of humanity's fall into

sin. And so many of those differences

and many of those appeals, many of some

of those natural things have been

distorted in the fall. And that's how we

get so sidetracked from the things that

are eternal because again, we're looking

at the things that are temporal. And so

this passage in verses, just look at it

in verses three, four, five is really

helping us focus again on well what is

eternal? Um your your your house is

going to eventually crumble and fall.

Your car is eventually going to quit.

Your you know all of these things are

going to change around you. Your job

will eventually come to an end. um even

your physical beauty is one day going to

not be what it was. So what is really

important? That's what this is about.

The apostle Peter is reminding the

church what really matters for eternity.

And we should listen to this. We should

be very careful to order our lives

after this. This should affect what you

do hour after hour in your home. Whether

as a as a family or with your husband or

with your wife or whether as an

individual, this means looking and

listening to all the programming of the

world and becoming just just very aware

of the way the world looks, the way the

world thinks, the values of the world,

what the world's buying, what the world

is doing. When you become obsessed with

all of that and you just constantly are

taking that in without a limitation,

which is very easy to do in this day and

time with our our cell phones and with

our media and with everything else, you

can just become totally carnal. You can

become totally temporal, temporary in

your views and values. Whereas if you

remember the eternal words of God and

you come to know those more and you come

to order your life after those more,

you're going to start looking and and

listening to Christ in such a way that

he's going to deepen your life. And

that's what Peter is trying to help us

do to break out of the deception of this

present life and break into the eternal

life that he has for us. So um look at

number seven. He in and we see this in

verse 6 where he talks about Sarah. Uh

this is Abraham's wife. And see Sarah's

example. Though not perfect, she was

godly in a wild ride faith and marriage.

She lived a wild ride. I mean her

husband goes out not knowing where he's

going. She follows him. She goes with

him. That was God's plan. We are leaving

because God told us to leave. He called

them out. He's saying, "Do you believe

in me? Do you trust in me? Will you

follow me?" And that's what Abraham and

Sarah do. And they go through many toils

and snares. And listen, they were very

wealthy people at a couple of different

points in their lives. Extremely wealthy

people. But their wealth did not

insulate them from trials and trouble

and difficulty. and it never will in

this life.

We have some people in this room that

work with billionaires. We have people

in this room that work with billionaires

that you see on television every week or

every day. There's there's several of

you that know them personally, have

meetings with them, serve them, work

with them. And those friends that I have

that work with billionaires, the biggest

names that are out there, will tell you

those people have big problems. Sure,

they have a lot of comforts. Sure, they

have a lot of pleasures. They have a lot

of joys. But they put their pants on the

same way you put your pants on. And they

have lots of troubles.

They lose children, too. They get

cancer, too. They go through divorce,

too. They go through great

discouragement. And let me tell you that

those things that the world seems to

promise are one of the things that

causes them to be in some cases so very

unhappy because they have all that the

world has to offer. And many of them

have discovered this ain't enough.

And so I want us to see that the gospel

is beautiful. Sarah's life, even though

she was wealthy at different points, if

you study Sarah's life and go back and

listen or look at Wednesday night, there

were tremendous tough points that she

went through. But she was upheld by

Peter as a woman of faith that continued

through the blessings, the trouble, the

pain, the disappointments, and the

tests. Well, let's look and let's see

this verse seven. Okay. So, we're going

to really take just a few minutes here

and zip through the next few pages. I

want you to see this little verse at the

top of the page on page two. Do you see

the box that's up there? And so, one of

the most important words in this verse

is the first word. The first word. What

is the first word of this verse?

>> Likewise.

So just as women are to be dealt with in

the context of submission, remember the

first likewise was like you're

submissive to government, you're

submissive to your employment. Likewise,

wives, you're submissive in this case to

your husband and to God's order in this

and the order of holiness, not

worldliness. It's what he deals with the

way you look, the way you talk, what

your values in this. And then here it

says the same word likewise husbands. So

husbands are under submission to. Do you

see that? Husbands are under submission

to

husbands.

>> What?

>> You're under submission to

just in a different way. He too is to

submit. So likewise husbands, let's read

the verse. Look what it says. Likewise,

husbands, live with your wives in an

understanding way, showing honor to the

woman as the weaker vessel since they

are heirs with you of the grace of life

so that your prayers may not be what?

>> Hindered. Okay. For those of you who are

new to us, the way we study the Bible is

we go through verses like this phrase by

phrase to really get what the meaning

is. And so for some of you, you said,

"Man, I've never seen that done before.

This is so exciting. This is cool. I I

never knew that you could break it all

down and understand it like that. That

it all means something." Absolutely.

Every syllable in the word of God means

something and it is perfect. It is for

us. And so there's great value in every

word that is here. We're going to

quickly break it down. Notice here, he

too is to submit, but differently.

Likewise, husbands, it says, letter A,

Peter does not change subjects. He

continues the same. And I call this the

Christshaped

ethic of submission. What does

submission look like? You look at

Christ. You get what shape is it? You

look at the person of Jesus Christ and

what he did. We looked at that last week

and we looked at that over the c of the

last few weeks and we were looking at

marriage. The fact that Jesus submits to

the father for the purposes of the

father in order to save his people. Look

at letter B. Submission in scripture is

not weakness but strength rightly and

keyword ordered under God's design. So

God has a design. He has a design in

everything. He's the perfect engineer.

He's the perfect orchestrator. He's the

perfect organizer. God has a design. And

that design is good. And so when we live

life according to his design, we are

good. When we live life in contrary to

his design, we have trouble. Look at

letter C. If wives reflect Christ's

willing submission to the father, then

husbands must reflect Christ's

sacrificial love and responsibility.

It's not that wives don't have

sacrificial love. They do. Um we see

that throughout the scripture. It's not

that they don't have responsibility.

They absolutely do. But the

responsibility that a man has as we see

in scripture is a tremendous

responsibility that is calling men to

mimic Christ and his sacrificial love.

You know guys, it's real easy to hear

sermons on some of these verses in the

scripture and there's about six

different places where we see this in

scripture real prominently. It's easy to

see those and say, "Yep, yeah, my wife

just needs to submit.

If that's what you get out of this,

guys,

you're missing the word of God.

If that's where you run to in your focus

and your attention, you you're missing

it.

God calls us as men to look very

carefully at what the scripture actually

says about our responsibilities and our

roles.

And for far too long, one of two things

has occurred.

For far too long, there has been a

chauvinistic view that elevates man in

order to dominate women with none of the

nobility that God calls them to in true

responsibility of love as Christ loved

the church. Far too often we seek to

enjoy the power and the dominance. enjoy

the picture of that and subjugate women.

That is one very wrong mentality

concerning this. There's another second

extreme. The other extreme is to

completely abdicate the role that God

has given us, to just remain ignorant,

to just remain disengaged, to just say,

you know what, I work hard. I work hard.

I make some money and I come home and I

I try to work out the complicated stuff

and I I just try, you know, don't bother

me with everything else spiritual. My

friends, for far too long, men have been

viewed as spiritual Neanderthalss that

are incapable of doing what God has

called them to do. And that is a

spiritual travesty.

God has called us to be students of his

word, to be students of his grace, to be

admirers and worshippers of his way.

And as we learn that and as we think

about life, as we think and we educate

ourselves about the dynamics of life,

then we are more prepared to do what God

designed us to do in caring for our

wives, in caring for our children, in

caring for our community. And that's

that's just clearly what God has

designed for it to be a good thing where

where no one is subjugated. No one is

oppressed but everyone is elevated.

Because when women are doing what

they're supposed to do and when men are

doing what they're supposed to do, we

see a beautiful harmony. And listen to

this. A complimentary

life and roles and purpose and outcome.

This is what God has designed. And so

husbands must reflect Christ's

sacrificial love. Notice this.

Submission does not disappear when

authority increases.

Um submission does not disappear when

authority increases. In fact, submission

does what? it

>> deepens.

>> The more authority you have, the more

submissive you better be.

>> It's it's it's a matter of being

submissive in order to do what God has

called you to do. You know, we would

hope this with politicians. We would

hope that the more powerful a politician

come becomes, the more humble they

become. Now, is that usually what we

see?

>> No.

No.

And that is a great travesty.

Occasionally you'll get a glimpse of it

here and there. But really the picture

is and when you when you look at the

good kings of the Old Testament, when

you look at David when he was doing

well,

he did represent that. He was humble

before God. He was a righteous and good

king in that regard. But when he would

become prideful, cuz David had the

ability to embrace both, we see that he

was a man after God's own heart. But he

also made some colossal mistakes.

But when we see and we read the Psalms,

we discover his heart and we discover

that God was working to humble him. And

God was working when he was at his most

humble. That's when there was the most

victory. Um, look at Ephes or

Philippians chapter 2. We cannot escape

Philippians 2 · chapter mention

Philippians 2. This is probably one of

the most quoted verses in my preaching.

Um, and it's so important um for us. And

we see this whole thing. We see Christ

in total power submitting himself,

humbling himself. If you're new to

studying the Bible, look at Philippians

2 and mark this in your Bible. One of

the most important passages in the New

Testament. Look what it says in verse 5.

He says, "Have this mind among

yourselves which is yours in Christ."

You can have this attitude through

Christ. Verse six, who though he was in

the form of God, did not count equality

with God a thing to be grasped or held

on to. Look at what Jesus did in verse

7. But he emptied himself by taking the

form of a bondervant, being born in the

likeness of men. In verse eight, and

being found in human form, underline it.

He humbled himself.

He humbled himself. And then look at the

next phrase. By becoming what?

>> Obedient. If you read John 1:1, you

John 1:1

discovered that this one who's becoming

obedient was the one who created the

world.

Nothing came into being except that

which he brought into being. John 1:1

John 1:1

tells us this is the living word. This

is the second person of the trinity. And

here he comes into obedience to the

point of death. And look what it says.

Even what? Death on a cross. That is

utter shame and rejection.

The cross is the place of curse. And so

this creator of the universe is cursed

so that we might live. This is his level

of submission guys. This is what our

model this is what our teacher this is

what our mentor calls us to. So this is

a very different view than a

chauvinistic love or or a chauvinistic

mentality um regarding women and it's a

very different view than a I don't care

less afair hands off abdicating the

responsibility. Neither one of those are

an option for us as Christians. Look at

John 6:38 below that. For I have come

John 6:38

down from heaven, not to do my own will,

but the will of him who sent me. This is

Jesus submitting himself to the father.

In Luke 22, when Jesus on the night

before the crucifixion

in the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus

prays, "Father, if you are willing,

remove this cup from me." Let read it

out loud together at the end.

Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be

done. This is the submission of the Son

to the Father. Look at Ephesians 5:21.

Ephesians 5:21

The Apostle Paul's writing to the

churches at Ephesus and he says, "Submit

to one another out of reverence for

Christ."

So, in a marriage, it's not that a

husband never submits to his wife. Oh,

he certainly does.

There's a mutual submission that is

beautiful that is to occur in the course

of the marriage and the family. Look at

Ephesians 5:25.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives. Here it is

again. As Christ loved the church and

gave himself up for her. So we see that

he too is to submit. Where do we get

that? Likewise husbands. Likewise

husbands. Next phrase in our in our

thing brings us to number two. A godly

husband

comes to fill it in comes to know the

situational dynamics. A godly husband

comes to know the situational dynamics.

Likewise, husbands live with your wives

in an understanding

way. Now this is

this is what the chauvinist

and this is what the abdicator so the

guy who's either trying to lord over

women or the guy who is just whatever

let her run you know whatever

this is what they don't do

we are called to become students

of the situation that our wives are in

and our lives lives together. A husband

must educate himself about how marriage

works, about what God has designed, how

all of this works. A husband needs to

educate himself about his wife's body

and her hormones and her thought

patterns.

He doesn't just need to look at her and

think, "Well, she's she thinks like me."

because she doesn't.

And some of you are going, "Yeah, tell

me about it. I have no idea how she

thinks. I I've tried. I gave up a long

time ago." Listen, that doesn't have to

be your mentality and your attitude with

with looking at what we're challenged to

do and the resources that we have around

us. A husband can come to live with his

wife in a beautiful understanding

way.

Um notice this the Greek phrase here

literally means live according to

knowledge.

Live according to knowledge. So this is

means you learn something.

You see, husbands are command are

commanded to study to know and

understand their wives.

And the letter C, biblical leadership is

not ignorant or harsh or detached.

Look at it. It is attentive

and informed.

And let me tell you guys, when you

become more knowledgeable about the way

marriage works, when you become more

knowledgeable about the way um the

tendencies that women have all the way

down to their physical bodies to their

thinking processes, and you begin to see

the differences in the way men

compartmentalize, and men

compartmentalize. And sometimes that's a

really good strength. Sometimes that's

not a good strength. There's strengths

and weaknesses in both of those because

of the fall. And just like there's women

integrate thought patterns and emotions

together. When you see that that can be

really good in some circumstances and

what that can be really tough in some

circumstances.

And when but when we begin to understand

those differences, when we we begin to

understand the way that works, our

ability to love our wives as Christ

loved the church, the our ability to

sacrifice for our wives becomes much

greater. Because the other thing that

happens is there's a much greater

appreciation for our wives.

When you learn about her,

when you learn about her anatomy, when

you learn about how her chemistry works,

when you learn and you and even if you

take a few minutes and you just kind of

marvel, I mean, I I'm I'll never get

over this. It's amazing to me that Marcy

carried within her body our two

daughters. That is amazing.

The fact that God designed us to

procreate, that is amazing. What a gift

that he gives us in that. And for those

of you who haven't been able to do that

or you you desire that very very much, I

I know that's an extreme pain. We have

some couples in our church that would

love to be pregnant and they're not. And

and that's a very very difficult thing.

And I I don't mean for this this subject

to injure you at all. You deal with it

all the time. I know that. Just know

that our hearts are compassionate for

you. Is that right, home folks? Is that

right? We we we feel for you and we pray

for many of you. But this is an amazing

gift. And you know, when I just think

about the way Marcy is designed to do

those things, has that ability,

something that I can't I can't even

think about. I am so grateful for that.

And then I think about everything that

comes with that. Some things that were

really good and some things that are

really hard and difficult. As we as a

husband learns of those things and

thinks through those things, you're that

should produce in us a appreciation and

listen a compassion.

a compassion where it's when she goes

through breast cancer or she goes

through menopause or she goes through

the other things that come along in the

way. It's not a her and it's not she,

but it becomes what?

>> We

>> us.

That's what should happen in a marriage.

It's not it's not about him or her. It's

about us.

We are going through this this this

morning over there at the neuroICU unit.

We have wonderful Alexandra and

Alexandra and Hijani

and he has had um a near heart attack.

He's had open heart surgery. He's part

of the zipper club now. He was doing

great until blood clots started forming

all over his body. He had blood clot in

his brain. He had blood clots in his

lungs. He had blood clots in his legs

this week. very very could very

precarious.

Many of you have been praying for him.

But you know when I went and saw them

yesterday and sat there in that dark

room as they were trying to get some

rest in the morning, I I sat there and I

looked at them and how together they

were, how they were talking about the we

this and that and this is what we are

hoping for and this is what you know us

you know thank you for loving us with

Hijani is right there with him. This is

to be the understanding and the

knowledge and the heart of a husband for

his wife. It's not that she's just going

through the pregnancy. We're going

through the pregnancy.

We're bearing the load together. It's

not that she's just raising the toddler.

We are raising the toddler.

Now, you may not be able to pull out

your breast and feed the baby. I you

believe me, you can't. um

nor would anybody want to see that. But

um

but there's plenty of things that you

can do to make it so that she can. And

this is the beautiful beautiful picture

of us coming to know to be informed. You

see, ignorance is not masculine

leadership.

Ignorance is not masculine leadership,

but understanding is. And that's what

this verse is telling us, guys. This

verse is telling us to gain

understanding

to understand your wife. You see, a

husband needs to understand his wife's

emotional design and vulnerability.

A husband needs to understand the

differences in communication

and in stress response because women

communicate differently and they respond

to stress differently. So, what did I

already say? When men are under stress,

they'll they they can be very emotional

at that moment when they're under

stress, but they also can seclude. They

also can retreat. They can also go off

and think. They can become very very

logical. The stress comes, the crisis

comes, and all of a sudden it it's no,

it's this is what needs to happen. Um,

and so there's there's different

responses in the way this works. We need

to understand that there are fears that

they may have. There are strengths that

they have. There are needs that they

have. There are burdens that they bear.

And when a husband understands those, he

is able to lay down his life better and

serve her. Now, here's a key one. The

last bullet point there is understanding

a woman's seasons of life. again her

biology and what God has designed her

her body to be able to do. A guy cannot

relate to that very much at all. But a

woman has these very significant seasons

in her life and physical realities of

that that have to do with chemistry and

biology and that goes into psychology.

All of that is there. Guys generally go

through very little of that. Sometimes

somewhere between 40 and 50 years of

age, he unbuttons his shirt, gets a gold

thing, buys a convertible red car, he

goes through his own little, you know,

midlife crisis.

Um, but you know, there there's not many

of those for men compared to women. Um,

we we just kind of see this throughout

scripture. But notice um Colossians

Colossians 3:19

3:19. Let's read it out loud together.

Let's read Colossians 3. Excuse me. Men,

let's read it out loud together. Women,

you get to listen. So, men, clear your

throat and let's read Colossians 3:19.

Colossians 3:19

If you don't do it well, we're going to

stand up and do it again. So, here we

go. Colossians 3:19. Let's read it,

Colossians 3:19

guys. Husbands, love your wives and do

not be harsh with them. Every one of us

need to work on that.

Some of you women would say, "My husband

is never harsh with me. He is never

harsh with me." And I would say, "Praise

God."

But I can tell you that different times

along the way, I've had to keep that in

check in my life. I've had to work on

that.

Marcy is sweet, but she is strong.

She's a strong woman

and I am super thankful for that about

99% of the time.

And there are sometimes when I'm not so

thankful about that

and I have to be careful. I have to work

on that.

Notice Romans 12 and verse 10.

Love one another with brotherly

affection. is not just talking about

guys. Brotherly affection, this fileos

love. This this love of uh friendto

friend is the idea. Love one, this is

for all the Roman church. Love one

another with brotherly affection. Outdo

one another in what?

>> In showing honor. Can you circle those

last three words of that sentence? In

showing honor. That is how you love one

another.

You don't just love in word.

Words are easy.

But showing honor is where the rubber

meets the road.

And so we love one another in honoring.

Sometimes that means listening.

Sometimes that means sacrificing.

Sometimes that means giving. Sometimes

that means going and serving. We love

one another by showing honor. That means

we deny ourselves and we

sacrifice for the welfare of others.

When you serve in the life of the

church, when you come and you help with

greeting, when you come and help with

security, when you come and help with

media, when you come and you practice

music and you practice musicians, when

you come and you serve in the life of

the church, when your community group

has someone who is sick and there's

there's meals that are needed, when

there's I mean, do you have a church?

Like, some of you are new to us. Some of

you have been coming from the fringes

for a while. You don't have any of those

relationships.

I want to challenge you to begin really

thinking about, am I really part of the

church? Like, I need to be a church. Do

I do what Romans says to do? Do I honor

one another? How can you honor someone

if you don't know them? You can't

you that's that's when it comes to real

relationships. And that that's part of

what we see here in this passage that

you come to know one another. Husbands,

come to know your wife so that you may

know how to honor her is so important.

You see, if this is true for the church

at large from Romans 12, how much more

should it apply to your family? But so

often we honor the people that we don't

live with more than we honor the people

we live with.

We forgive the people we don't live with

easier than we forgive the people we do

live with.

That should not be the case. And when we

discover ourselves in that, we need to

begin to say, "Oh, dear God,

change my heart toward those who are

nearest to me, that I may forgive, that

I may love, that I may live, listen

husbands, in an understanding way."

That's what this passage is getting at,

in an understanding way. See, Phil is a

husband is to be a learner. a learner

about his wife, a learner about

marriage.

Fill it in. A true maturing Christian is

a diligent lifelong learner.

I know there are some people who grew up

in cultural Christianity and you think,

I I just go to church. I go to church.

I'm there and I give some tithe and then

I leave. And that I'm I'm I'm a

Christian. I'm a I believe in Jesus.

But you know, quite honestly, you don't

read the Bible.

You're not growing in the knowledge of

God's word. You're not growing in the

knowledge of who he is and what he's

done. You're not growing in the

knowledge of greater faith. For some of

you, it's very stagnant. And if you're

in a place of very stagnant spiritual

life, I want to challenge you about

whether or not you really do know God.

Because to know God is to love him. And

to love him a little is to learn to love

him a lot.

and to experience him. And so Christians

are called to do this. Notice what Hosea

Hosea 4:6

4:6 says. In fact, let's read it out

loud together. Everybody read Hosea 4:6

Hosea 4:6

at the bottom of the page. What does it

say? My people are destroyed for lack of

knowledge. Can you underline that? My

people are destroyed for what? Lack of

knowledge.

You see, coming to be a believer in God

is to come to know him.

And look what John 8:31 says. Jesus says

John 8:31

this, "If you abide," that means remain

live. If you abide, remain, live in my

word, you are truly my disciples

and you will know the truth and the

truth will what?

>> Set you free.

So, a

mature

Christian husband is one who is

learning. He's studying his wife.

Number three, we see the next phrase in

verse 7. Look what it says up there in

the box on the top of the page.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives

in an understanding way, showing honor

to the woman as the weaker vessel. Okay,

these are fighting words um in our

present day and time. You see, a husband

is stronger. There's no doubt about it.

A husband is stronger for a godly

purpose. A husband is stronger for a

godly purpose. And um I I just want you

to listen to a couple of things here

about human anatomy. First of all, um if

we're talking about physical, listen to

this. Males are on average 10% taller

than females and on average are 20%

heavier than females. So they're taller

and they're heavier. Um their muscle

crosssection area is much stronger.

Their skeletal of frames allow for more

muscle attachment and leverage. Um,

there's greater mass that supports more

force production in muscle muscular

strength.

Males, listen to this, have 30 to 40%

more upper body strength than women,

pound-for-pound.

Um, they have 20 to 30% more skeletal

mass. Their bones are bigger and their

bones, interestingly enough, have a

higher tension rate, a higher force rate

that they can bear a greater um stress.

Um testosterone is in the human body,

excuse me, in the male body at listen to

this, 300 to a,000 nanogs per decil. You

know what it is? Testosterone in a

female is

15 to 70. So 300 to a,000 for guys, 15

to 70 for girls. So and what does

testosterone do? Testosterone does all

kinds of thing in producing um muscle

protein synthesis, the ability for

muscular uh muscles to develop, to grow

and to strengthen. Increases red blood

cell production. um improves recovery

and training. Women women don't have

that.

The bone density issue as I talked about

um cardiac res listen men have larger

hearts pound-for-pound than women do.

They have a greater stroke volume when

the heart beats it's a greater stroke

volume than women for even the size of

the heart. Um a higher hemoglobin um

concentration. And listen to this. Men

have larger lungs than women do

pound-for-pound.

Um, and so all of this creates greater

oxygen, greater force, greater nutrition

to be able to get to the muscles that

are demanding the strength. So that is

just in a few areas of physical. There

are there are numerous other areas that

when we look at this that there's a

strength that has to do with emotion. By

and large, because emotions are often

removed from the thought process, there

is a quicker response. Now, Marcy thinks

much faster than me on a lot of things.

I'm sitting there going, "Where did you

come up with that?" Guys, have you ever

felt that way? Like, how did she know

that? Or especially with Marcy, it has

to do with planning ahead. She's a

wonderful When we were in seminary

together, she would we'd get the first

day of class and we we took a couple of

classes together. I said, "What are you

doing?" And she goes, "Oh, I'm writing

my paper." First day of the semester,

you're writing your paper. What are you

talking about? She goes, "I got to get

my paper done." And I'm like, "You have

2 and 1/2 months to get that paper

done." She goes, "Oh, I got to get it

done this week." I'm like, "You're

insane."

Um, now that's part personality. That's

not necessarily male and female.

However, it is very interesting that

women in general have better outcomes,

slightly better outcomes in investments.

You know why women are able to stick

with the plan and they're able to kind

of let it go and they are adverse to

risk. They are they don't like to risk

as much. Guys think, "Oh, I know that

stock's going to go up. I'm going to get

rid of that one. I'm going to change

this." Women listen to the instruction

of put it in the SP stock market and

leave it alone. Every now and then check

on it, add some more to it. Everything.

So women follow that advice and guys are

sitting there going, "Oh no, risk is

okay. We can do it. We can do it. It's

going to work out good. So, they tend to

be more optimistic. Well, guys

portfolios tend to be a little less than

girls.

In the same regard, women who run large

corporations that are established

corporations in established industries

very often have a better outcome than

men. But men who are running cutting

technology, new industry, new areas,

they tend to outperform women. Why?

These women are risk averse. They know

how to keep it up there in the middle.

These guys are pioneers. These guys are

revolutionaries. These guys are the ones

who are pressing very hard with risk.

And sometimes that's a good thing and

sometimes that's a bad thing. So, it's

not that one is better than the other or

whatever. They're different. They're

different. God has made us different.

But as we see in many areas that have to

do with the family and and have to do

with the pressures on a home, we see

that God has a design that we need to

pay close attention to in this. Notice

this, these situational dynamics. And

then we turn into the other things that

are before us. Notice this as well. Go

to page three. I think you're already on

page three. And I'm trying to get back

to my page three. Um, very quickly,

notice this. A weaker vessel refers to

physical strength and vulnerability, not

value, intellect, and spirituality.

Letter B. Scripture acknowledges the

biological reality while commanding

moral responsibility.

Sure, what it's saying is you may be

stronger, guys, but you have a real

responsibility.

There's clarifications,

not moral weakness. It's not spiritual

inferiority. It's not lesser worth. She

isn't worth less than you. She's worth

just as much as you. Notice, God gives

men greater strength, not so they can

take more, but so they can give more.

Fill that in. God's given you greater

strength so you can take, not so you can

take more, but so that you can give

more. Your your goal is not to take from

your wife. Your goal is to give to your

wife. to honor her, which is what this

passage calls us to, showing honor to

the woman. This is protection rather

than intimidation.

You don't need to intimidate her, you

need to protect her. This is gentleness

rather than harshness.

This is sacrificial

restraint rather than domination.

This is creating, fill it in, emotional

and relational

safety for her because that is what she

desires. That is what she needs. See,

number four is a husband and we see this

in the text. Look there in verse 7. It

says, "Since they are heirs with you of

the grace of life, a husband and a wife

have equal worth but distinct roles. She

just like you're an heir of God's grace,

she is too. Peter explicitly grounds

marriage in shared spiritual

inheritance.

She is an inheritor of the blood of

Christ as you are and just as much as

you are. Husbands and wives are equal in

God's grace. They're equal in salvation.

They're equal in eternal destiny. And

they both bear the image of Christ.

the image of God. Notice that authority

in marriage never is ownership. It is

stewardship. You're not called to be the

owner. You're called to be the steward.

God is the owner. God owns your wife.

You better treat her well

because he's the owner and you've been

given a stewardship. you know look at

the son um of Jesus Christ in the

trinity there's equality of nature this

equality of nature does not erase the

distinct roles while he is the son he is

still following in the father's lead

submits to the father without loss fill

it in of dignity or deity he's not any

less because he submits to the father In

fact, he is of greater worth because of

that in his obedience to the Lord. So

there is a warning that's very

important. And one of the men in our

church came to me when we started this

passage a few weeks ago and standing

right down here on the front, one of the

guys in our church came to us and he

said what what we're about to read right

here. He said, "This absolutely

shocked me and I realized how I was

messing up my family and I was messing

up my marriage. I realized how there

were problems in my spiritual life

because because of what this verse says.

Look what it says here. Um, likewise,

husbands, live with your wives in an

understanding way, showing honor to the

woman as a weaker vessel since they are

heirs with you of the grace of Christ."

And then look what it says. Grace of

life. What does the last part of the

verse say? Let's read it. So that your

prayers may not be hindered. You see,

this is a serious warning, guys. It's a

serious warning. There is spiritual

accountability to God.

You see, letter A, a husband's

relationship with God is directly

affected by how he treats his wife.

If you want to be close to God, you

better be careful how you treat your

wife.

Spiritual leadership cannot be separated

from relational

faithfulness

to your wife.

You see, the warning to husbands is

this. Harshness blocks prayer.

Wondering if God hears you? Well, if

you've mistreated your wife, if you've

left a hurt in the heart of your wife,

the scripture is saying God will not

hear your prayer. And if God does not

hear your prayer, you're in trouble.

Neglect of your wife dulls your

spiritual authority.

How how do you have any authority in her

life um to lead her if you neglect her

spiritually? That's why you have to be a

learner. That's why you have to get it

together.

How about the next one? Abuse

invites divine opposition.

Divine opposition is not good. That

means God is against you.

And you know, there's been circumstances

I know

where wives have been abused and God has

killed husbands over that.

He's capable. Guys,

I want to encourage you to be very

careful how you treat your wife.

There's no excuse. And I'm not just

talking about physical abuse.

I'm talking about emotional abuse.

I'm talking about intellectual abuse.

I'm talking about spiritual abuse.

Husbands are called not to be harsh, not

to neglect, and not to abuse. Notice, a

man cannot dishonor his wife and expect

God to hear him or bless him.

You want God's blessing, you better be

careful how you treat your wife.

Malachi 2, I know the hour, but I I want

you, we can't ignore this right here.

Look at Malachi 2:13. This is so

Malachi 2:13

important. This is in the Old Testament.

This is the prophet slamming the nation

of Israel because of their abuse of

wives in their culture. Look what it

says. And this second thing you do, you

cover the Lord's altar with what?

>> Tears, with weeping and groaning,

because he no longer regards the

offering or accepts it with favor from

your hand. But you say, "WHY DOES HE

NOT?"

Because the Lord was witness between you

and the wife of your youth, to whom you

have been what?

>> Faith.

>> Faithless.

Circle that word. Faithless.

Though she is your companion and your

wife by what?

>> By covenant. You see this covenant

relationship is so important. Did he not

make them one with a portion of the

spirit in their union? This means God is

in your union and you are you are

ignoring what God has done and what was

the one God seeking godly offspring so

that you're so you guard yourselves in

your spirit and that let none of you be

faithless to the wife of your youth. Do

you think that God takes seriously how

you deal with your wife? You better

believe it. And we see it here in

Malachi. We see it in first Peter

summary of this whole thing submission

and marriage. The Holy Spirit though

through the hol the apostle Paul is

calling us to number one to live

according to God's ways. That's holiness

not worldliness.

That's what he's calling us to is

holiness not worldliness. That's the way

you treat your wife. It's the way wives

treat their husbands. It's the way wives

dress. It's the way wives have both the

values of both husband and wife. Don't

be like the world.

Notice the next one there. He's calling

us to show the world Christ as

submitting wives and sacrificing

husbands.

As submitting wives and sacri

sacrificing husbands. Both are hard.

Both have blessings.

Both are hard and both have blessings.

You see, wives reflect Christ's willing

submission. Husbands reflect Christ's

sacrificial love. That's what we see

here.

Scripture places the greater burden on

the one with the greater strength. And

so, guys, man up. We have the greater

burden because we have been given the

greater strength.

And it's time for you to

to reach out and to see that and attain

it, not stand idly by.

Here are some magic and revealing words

in marriage.

Words to a wife. You know what she loves

to hear and she loves to see and she

loves to experience?

I love you.

I love you. That's what she wants. She

wants to be cherished.

She wants to be valued. She wants to be

loved.

Does she know that you cherish her? Are

you in awe of her? Are you appreciative

of her? This is the picture. See, she

needs to be cherished. But you know the

greatest need, the greatest words that

husband loves. Here's how you do it.

Thank you.

I I mean, I love value. I love it when

you tell me you love me. But when you

tell me thank you, that's really getting

me going.

You see, that has to do with respect,

the need to be respected.

And God has made us this way. Women have

a tremendous power over the men in their

lives by respecting them. And men have a

tremendous power over the women in their

lives by loving them, cherishing them.

Would you stand with me as we look at 1

John 4:es 9-10?

I want you to see this.

I love this verse. It shows us Christ

as the perfect husband to the church.

Look what it says in 1 John 4 and verse

9.

In this the love of God was revealed

among us. That God sent his only son

into the world. That's Christmas. Sent

his only son into the world so that we

might what?

>> Live through him. We can be saved from

our sin and death.

And this is love. Not that we loved God,

but that what

>> he loved us and sent his son to be the

propitiation

for our sins.

He came to be the ransom price

for our sins. And friends, he laid down

his life, paying the ransom. So, first

and foremost, if you don't know Christ,

has he paid your ransom? I pray that you

will come and receive that. For

husbands, may we live like that with our

wives. You pray for me to live like that

for Marcy. And I'm praying for you to

learn to live that way for the woman in

your life. Amen.

>> Let's pray. Father, we thank you for

your word. We thank you for the beauty

of it. We thank you that it's timeless,

written 2,000 years ago, and there could

never be more truth. Lord, the world's

confused about love. It's confused about

marriage,

but with your word, we are not. I pray

that you would help us to live it out. I

pray that you would help us to repent

where we need to repent where we've

neglected

where we've been harsh.

Lord, where there's been abuse,

I pray that there would be repentance.

I pray that we would learn what we need

to learn.

how to be the husband, how to be the

father

that you've called us to be. And Lord, I

pray that your church would be

strengthened because our families are

more and more like Christ.

Lord, we love you. We thank you for your

love for us. In the wonderful name of

Jesus, we pray. And everyone said,

>> "Amen." Amen.