Real Conversations | I Believe, Help My Unbelief | Chad Bruegman

Dads at every campus, Mo City West End, all the dads that are with us online, and of course, all of you fathers at our God Behind Bars campus, we just uh welcome you into this moment and we hope all of you have such an incredible Father's Day.

Um just dads, I want to say this on behalf of everyone.

We're just proud of you.

Um Chad, I'm proud of you too.

You're a dad as well.

That was weird.

Um But there's there's fathers right now, and there's future fathers at all of our campuses right now.

There's men in here that up to this point being a father was a desire and it hasn't been in the cards yet.

And I just want you to know God sees you today, God loves you today, God is with you today.

God has an incredible plan out of that heartache for you today in the name of Jesus.

For all of you uh men and women that have lost fathers and you're celebrating Father's Day, um thinking about them and all of the memories, good and bad, and everything in between, um, I know these days are really bittersweet for you sometimes.

Um, and I just pray there's a lot more sweet this day for you than there is bitter.

Um I just want you to know God our Father sees us and He's gonna meet with us in these next few minutes.

If you guys will just commit to this, just lean in.

Just have open hearts.

Maybe you're a dad at one of our campuses and you're visiting for the first time, or maybe church isn't your thing, but for some reason today, someone invited you or got you here for whatever reason, or maybe you just showed up because you thought you needed it.

I just want you to know, man, if you'll lean in and open your heart, the love of the God the Father is gonna reveal Himself to you in a powerful way.

I promise you that.

And so we're in week three, our last week of this uh series that we've titled Real Conversations.

And so, in honor of Father's Day, uh we're gonna have a real conversation about fatherhood.

Uh if you check out because you're a lady, or you check out because you're not even married yet, or you check out for whatever reason, um, I want to encourage you not to do that because if you will listen to what we say to our fathers and future fathers in this place, um, I think you're all gonna be encouraged uh from God and what he has to say to us today.

Uh so if you have your Bibles, go with me to Mark chapter 9.

Mark 9 · chapter mention

This is literally one of, I think, the realest conversations that we have for sure in all of the gospels, and I would say even in all of the Bible.

It's Mark chapter 9.

Mark 9 · chapter mention

As you guys are getting there, I'm gonna talk to you for a minute about uh reminisce 20 years ago.

Uh it was July, let's see, July 11th.

It was about 11:30 at night.

I was in my bed in our little apartment in Denver, Colorado.

We had just moved there to plant a church, and uh I was trying to fall asleep, and my wife was uh in the bathroom, I guess, getting ready to go to bed as well.

And when she came out of the bathroom to go to bed, she had the widest eyes I have ever seen, and her face was a little more pale than normal.

I'm like, Are you okay?

And she goes, I think my water just broke.

And I was like, wait, what?

You know, I've never done this before.

I don't even know what that is, you know.

But I get into dad mode and I get up there and I look in the bathroom and she's like, What do you think?

I'm like, Yeah, we're having a baby.

Uh that's your water broke.

And so we get out our pre-made uh bags that we had full of our clothes because we knew uh we were two days out from the due date, and uh her mother uh was with us, and so we woke her up and we got ready and we got in the car and we were flying down the highway at basically midnight uh to go and have this, our firstborn child.

And we were about two exits from the hospital, and I start veering off the exit, and my wife's like, What are you doing?

This isn't the exit.

And I, with every ounce of authenticity and conviction, I looked at her and I said, I know, but we gotta have snacks.

And I I kid you not, I wish I would have had this recorded.

If you would have seen the look on her face, like it was literally like, you have got to be kidding me right now.

I am about to have a baby.

I am having labor pains that are so bad.

And I'm like, I know we got a carbo load.

This is gonna be a deal, right?

We gotta get after this.

And and you would have thought I would have been like, you're right, I'm so sorry, pulled back on.

I went right to the truck stop and I walked in there, just typical young, dumb husband, too, doing my best, right?

And and I go in and I get snacks, and I should be in a hurry, and I was, but then I was walking down the aisle, they had this whole aisle of hats, and sure enough, they had a bunch of hats that said like this number one dad, number one mom, number one grandma, number one grandpa.

And so I bought one of these for me, and I bought number one mom for my wife, and I bought number one grandma for my mother-in-law.

I wanted to put like number three or four for her.

No, I'm just kidding, she's amazing.

Just mother-in-law.

So she's amazing.

And I was so proud, and I had this on the whole time, and it was driving my you know, when you ladies you're giving birth, everything your husband does drives you nuts.

It's the same thing with perimenopause, because now we're in that season, right?

If I chew too loud, my wife wants to divorce me.

Like, like, please eat in the other room, right?

And I'm like, yes, ma'am, I understand, right?

And so we go there, everything went uh by God's grace about as good as you could, and on January 12th of 2006, we had our firstborn son who's now 20 years old.

His name is Jude, and I I found a picture of me in my hat.

I know, right?

Look at those cute little chubby cheeks.

And look at my son, isn't he cute too?

Dad joke, Father's Day had to.

And so that's him, 21 years, and I've held on to this hat, and I told my wife several years ago, I said, hey, there's a few things um that I want to be buried with.

Um hopefully I go before you, that's the goal.

And uh, this is definitely first and foremost what I want to have in my coffin.

But I said, only if the kids believe that I've earned it.

I said, I really want this to be the thing that my kids see last when they bury me and wait to see me again in heaven.

And fatherhood is not for the faint of heart.

Fatherhood is just an endless amount of learning how to handle the pressure and not let it win.

Fatherhood is being tired, and like that one guy said in those videos, rising up, digging deep, and being as present for your kids and wife when you get home as you were for all those people when you were at work, man.

It is not for the faint of heart.

And gentlemen, we do a great disservice to you guys sometimes compared to uh Mother's Day, when it's the third most packed day of the year, and this is actually one of the statistically lightest days of the year.

And I would like for Riverpoint and West End Church to start bucking those trends over the next few years.

And part of it is there's just uh not enough encouragement, men, that we give you.

And so for the next few minutes, I just want to do that, and I think this is one of the most beautiful and encouraging stories that all of us can hear, but particularly us men and us fathers.

This is Jesus who meets a desperate father because he can't help his son anymore, and he needs a source greater than himself.

Let's read Mark chapter 9, starting in verse 14.

Mark 9 · chapter mention

When they came back to the disciples, meaning Jesus and a few other people, they saw a large crowd around them and some scribes arguing with them.

Immediately, when the entire crowd saw Jesus, they were amazed and began running up to greet him.

And Jesus asked them, What are you discussing with them?

And one of the one of the crowd answered him, Teacher, this is the father here.

I brought you my son, possessed with a spirit which makes him mute.

And whenever it seizes him, it slams him to the ground, and he foams at the mouth, and he grinds his teeth and stiffens out.

I told your disciples, I can't imagine what they're feeling in this moment.

Like, please don't tell them, please don't, right?

I told your disciples to cast it out, and they could not do it.

And so let's stop there for just a minute before we keep reading.

Here's what we clearly have: we have a desperate father.

We have a father whose human resource has completely ran out.

End of his rope type thing.

His own strength and ingenuity is not enough to help this kid at this point.

In other words, the problem is bigger than him.

And I ask you, fathers, can you relate at all?

And if you can't today, I praise God that you can't relate to that.

But here's the deal: if you live life long enough as a dad, there are gonna be these moments where your human resource, your strength, your ingenuity, your abilities, they're not enough.

They're not enough for those kids that you would live for and die for every day of the week and twice on Sunday, and you are going to have to decide what you were gonna do when you're at that point.

Let's continue reading verse 19.

Uh Jesus answered them and said, right after they told on the disciples, O unbelieving generation, how long shall I be with you?

How long shall I put up with you?

Bring the kid to me.

So they brought the boy to him.

When he saw him, immediately the Spirit threw him into a convulsion and falling to the ground, he began rolling around and foaming at the mouth.

And he asked his father, How long has this been happening to him?

And the father said, Now catch this from childhood.

It's been going on a long time.

He's not a kid anymore.

This has been happening since childhood.

I picture the father going, and I'm tired.

And I have tried everything under the sun.

We have spent everything within our earthly means to try and fix this for the child that we care about more than anything on the earth.

It's been happening since childhood.

He says it's often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him.

And I just want to pause for a quick second before we keep reading the rest of this story and just honor every father who has been wrestling with something alongside of your wife for your kids that you have exercised everything.

You've tried everything.

And it's beyond you, and it's bigger than you.

And you're in a constant low-grade state of desperation.

You're in a constant low-grade state of just not knowing what to do.

Knowing you would do anything, you would give your life, you would, you would, in a second, you or your wife, you would take that and switch with your kid if they could have your health and you could take their sickness, you could take their struggle, you could take their infirmity like this boy, but you can't.

It's been going on for a long time.

The reason I want to stop and honor you guys for that is that you have a father here who knows exactly what it's like to be you.

And you have Jesus who can actually do something about it, who can be a source that is bigger than everything you're feeling and everything that you're walking through right now.

Goes on to say this.

The father looks at Jesus after he explains the situation, and here's his big moment, here's his plea.

He says, But if you can do anything, Jesus, take pity on us and help us.

And listen to what Jesus said to him.

If you can.

He probably didn't say it like that, but that's what I hear him going like, do you know who you're talking to?

You probably don't.

I I know you've probably heard some some some legends about me at this point.

This is why you had the uh uh audacity and the bravery to come up and and interrupt everything and talk to me, but do you if you can, and then he makes this statement, he says, all things are possible to him who believes.

Immediately, and I love that word that because that means uh uh I I probably would have thought about every word I was gonna say to Jesus.

I probably would have parsed my words.

There would have been a degree of uh of unauth authenticity because I just didn't want to look stupid in front of this man, Jesus, right?

But this guy uh immediately uh the boy's father cries out, which means it's it's so authentic, it's from his heart.

He's not parsing his words.

He's not making sure that whatever he says that it pleases Jesus or that he gets it right immediately.

And here's the statement that we camp on in this last week of real conversations.

This is one of the most uh blessed statements in all of Scripture.

This, I am not lying when I say this to you.

When he says what he's about to say, this has saved my faith time and time again over the years.

He says, Jesus, I do believe.

Right?

Because he just said all things are possible to him who believes.

He goes, No, no, no, I do believe, but then listen to what he says next.

But help me with my unbelief.

I don't know about you, man, but that is one of the most beautiful, most real things that's ever said in the scriptures.

This man is like, man, in my inmost being, in the deepest parts of my gut, in my spirit, I believe, or I wouldn't have came up and asked you, I wouldn't have bothered you.

I wouldn't have showed up today.

Because I've given up, man, it's been since childhood.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of being disappointed from putting my hope and faith in things.

He says, No, I'm here, I believe, I showed up as a dad.

I am trying anything and everything, but Jesus, help me in my unbelief.

If my unbelief is getting in the way, if that's the thing, then please, there's so many places where I want to believe.

And man, I think this is always gonna be an incredible struggle for us as men, which is I believe God, I showed up, I'm here.

I'm doing my best, but man, there's a lot of things about this Jesus life that I'm having trouble getting from here down to here.

Like I got it up here.

I've settled it in my mind.

Up here, it makes sense to me intellectually, and that's a good thing.

The intellect matters, but it's not enough.

The goal is it starts in our mind, it starts in our intellect, but but it's to eventually get to our heart because that's where more powerful faith starts to express itself.

And I'm so grateful to this man.

And part of what I wrote in my notes here was do you know what got him to the point where he's able to be so real and have such a real conversation with Jesus?

Desperation.

See, we want to arrange our lives in such a way that we avoid as much desperation and desperate seasons as possible.

But here's what I found.

Look, don't go looking for desperate seasons.

Don't do that.

They'll find you, I promise.

We all know that.

But here's the hope.

In those desperate seasons is when God does some of his finest work, and here's why.

Because you finally are at the end of your rope and you don't care about playing games anymore.

You don't care about religion anymore, you don't care about systems anymore.

You are just desperate for help.

And when you start getting that honest and real before God, that is when he does some of his best work.

When he said, Jesus, I believe, but help me in my unbelief.

I picture Jesus with this very subtle smile on his face.

Not too big of a one because he wouldn't want to mislead the guy and think he's condescending to his situation or something.

But I picture him having a very subtle smile on his face when he said that because here's what he's thinking to himself.

Jesus, he's thinking, uh, this is a guy I can work with.

This is a man I can trust.

This is the posture of any father's heart that I'm looking for because this kind of honesty and posture is breeding ground for my power to take over.

I wrote down here this week a great father, and just a great man in general, isn't one who does the most.

It's not the one who always wins, it's not the one who outperforms and out-hustles and out-earns all the other men.

Listen to me, gentlemen, at every campus, please.

A great man and father is the one who is humble enough to acknowledge where his strength is not enough.

So he puts his hope and his trust in someone greater, and this is precisely what this man does in Mark chapter 9.

Mark 9 · chapter mention

And so I want to do this, fathers, and I want everyone else to lean in, because moms, this is true for you as well.

Future moms, future fathers are true for you as well.

I want you to lean in here.

And I want to give two thoughts, and my first thought is this fatherhood is not a competition, it's a collaboration.

And men, we love competition.

We're hardwired for competition.

Ladies, you have a word that's synonymous with competition, comparison.

We'll talk about that maybe Mother's Day.

But they're really one and the same thing.

It's looking left and looking right to see how you're doing.

And look, it's not always bad to look left and right in terms of best practices, but if it's in terms to grade yourself and rate yourself, there is only one way to look, and it is vertically, not horizontally.

It is to look up, it is to re-constantly re-upping on your identity in Jesus Christ.

It's constantly tapping back into, through the power of God, uh, what he says about you, not what you're saying about you, not what the world's saying about you.

The world will grade you on how you're doing, the world will compare with you and your family on how you're raising your kids versus how they're raising their kids, and that never ends well because there's always a winner and a loser.

But gentlemen, listen to me.

If you want to be an incredible father, put the competitive spirit down and start to realize that it is not a competition, it is a collaboration, right?

We always hear the old phrase, it takes a village.

Gentlemen, fathers, future fathers, please, please hear me.

It takes a village to be the provider and protector that God has ordained you from the Garden of Eden to become.

You need God first in collaboration.

In the ideal situation, you need your wife second.

You realize that, right?

Man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh.

Why did God uh give Adam Eve, said it's not good that you should be alone even though he was already with God?

Why did he give Adam and Eve why?

She will be a helpmate suitable for you.

Uh some of the greatest protecting and providing you will ever do for your kids is not how much money you make.

It's not how many guns you got in the home in case a robber shows up.

I know we're in Texas.

Buy the guns, have a blast, Second Amendment, good for you.

Do you want to know the greatest way, not the only way, the greatest way you will protect and provide for your children is to empower your wife and serve your wife in a way where she can protect and provide for them in ways God never designed you to do.

50% of your ability to protect and provide is outside of you.

It's to your wife.

You guys are helpers for each other, right?

It's my dad, he wasn't probably the first one to ever say this, but he was the first one who ever said it to me.

He said, son, the greatest thing I will ever do for you and your brother is this.

Love your mom well.

Do you know how protective that feels?

When a father says, I'm not perfect, but that's my goal.

I'm being accountable as I say this to you, young Chad, when my dad said this to me, the greatest thing I will do is not what I buy you, it's not how hard I work.

It's not all the sacrifices and listen to me.

That's a beautiful part of it.

It is a beautiful part of it, but the greatest thing I will ever do is go out of my way to love your mother as good as I can because my protection and provision is limited.

But when her and I are synergistic and together, there's a degree of protection that you will fill in safety in the home that you will fill that you won't until you're old realize it.

But it will be a beautiful thing.

It takes a village.

I was uh out to dinner with a couple friends from our Missouri City campus.

Uh I just love them to death.

Their name are uh Dwight and uh Amanda, and we were out to dinner this week, and um a couple weeks ago they were supposed to go on vacation to Mexico.

Doesn't that sound nice?

And uh so as we were having dinner, I just followed up and I said, Hey guys, how did Mexico go?

And they looked at each other kind of awkwardly for a minute and they go, uh uh, we didn't go.

I'm like, what?

And then they proceeded to tell me why.

Uh another amazing couple at the Missouri City campus, Ben and Kylie, have uh amazing children, and their daughter was having trouble breathing, and some complications were going on, and they didn't know why, so obviously they rushed her to the hospital, and uh the doctors were a little bit more nervous than they probably assumed when they showed up.

And um Dwight, he's a he's an oral surgeon, and so he knows a lot about the healthcare industry and and how hospitals and doctors work, and he knows a lot of people in the industry, and and so uh Ben's first call was to his buddy Dwight.

He said, Dwight, man, here's what's happening.

And what's cool about Ben is Ben's a Ben's a football coach, and he's a football coach at the highest level.

So he's constantly around the biggest, the fastest, the strongest athletes, some in the world.

So he's that tough exterior, right?

That coach mentality around men's men, right?

But what happens when something happens to you, the most precious thing God's allowed you to be a part of?

What happens when your daughter is struggling and there's nothing you can do anymore?

It's out of your hands.

Of course, we know what we do.

We say, Jesus, if there's anything you can do, take pity on us and help us.

And I guarantee you, Ben and his wife were doing that.

But you know what else Ben was able to do?

Collaborate.

He calls Dwight.

Dwight, I need your help.

This is your world.

I'm nervous, I'm scared.

Dwight's like, I'm gonna make some phone calls, I know exactly where you're at, I know the doctor's there, I'm gonna make some calls, I'm gonna start looking at what they're saying.

It was this rare potential disease that very few people have that she might have that swells the esophagus and makes it hard to breathe for their little girl.

And so here's what he says He says, I'm sorry to bother you because I know you're about to go to Mexico in the morning.

And Dwight ends up calling him back and says, Hey, we're not going to Mexico in the morning.

Now I know that's an extreme example of collaboration because a bunch of you are going, Yeah, I like my friends, but I'm going to Mexico in the morning.

I I probably would too, I get it.

But as I'm sitting there at the dinner and they're just telling This story, I'm I'm being so blessed by it, especially on Father's Day weekend when I've been thinking about all this stuff.

They're like, we we decided we're not we're not going to Mexico.

We're blessed to go there uh more than some people are, and so we'll we'll get we'll get there again sometime.

That's not what's most important right now.

What's most important right now is that we're there for our friends, that I'm there for Ben.

And so they said, I'll tell you what, you give us the boys, you just be at the hospital, you be at the girl, they're gonna stay with us.

Uh they're they're close friends, so it's no big deal.

We're gonna take total care of them, and we're just gonna be here so that you can fully concentrate on your situation there.

And so they stayed home from Mexico so that they could do that for their friends.

Now, here's what the coolest thing Dwight was just telling me this in passing.

He didn't know that I'd want to talk about it this weekend.

He was just telling me this in passing, but he said, so I had to sit my boys down and I had to explain to them why we're not going on vacation in the morning.

And I'm sitting there thinking, do you know one of the most priceless moments a father could have with their kid is sitting down and having that hard conversation?

Because they're too young to remember it.

They've probably forgotten it by now, a few days later.

But there's gonna be a time when those young men become men, those kids become men, and you know what's gonna happen?

They're now gonna be accountable to the fact that their mom and dad made a sacrificial decision when another mom and dad, their friends, were in difficult situations, that this is what we do for each other.

This is what collaboration looks like, this is what it takes a village to look like.

When you're weak, I'll be strong.

And someday I'm gonna be weak.

And you know what?

I guarantee you, the minute uh Dwight and Amanda, God forbid, have something in their life that is incredibly stressful.

Guess who's probably gonna be the first to step up?

Ben and Kylie.

And then they're gonna get to have that conversation with their kids.

And although it's fun to go to Mexico, we'd all love to go to Mexico, wish they go to Mexico, God's gonna bless them for not going to Mexico, but there was a priceless moment that Dwight got to have with his friend Ben as a desperate father, and there was a priceless moment he got to have him and Amanda with their sons in teaching them what's most important in life.

That's a father right there.

And every one of us, gentlemen, needed Dwight in our world.

I call them Jesus with skin on.

Representatives of Jesus here on earth.

Right?

We all need to collaborate.

It is not weakness, gentlemen.

Please hear me.

It is not weakness to ask for help.

Wives, back me up here, please.

It is not weakness to come before your wife and talk.

Lots of words.

Here's how I'm feeling.

I'm ran down, I'm overwhelmed, I'm scared.

Gentlemen, you're allowed to say that and hold your man card.

You understand that, right?

I would go as far as to say if Jesus is our chief definition of masculinity, to look at someone and go, I'm scared.

Think of Jesus in the garden, sweating drops of blood.

God, is there any other way?

Because this is scary.

I'm going to the cross.

And while I'm getting brutally hurt physically, I'm going to also be bearing the weight of billions and billions of sins on my shoulder.

God, is there any other way?

God, I'm scared.

Gentlemen, a real man knows when to cry, knows when to cry out to God, knows when to let in the people, his wife, his friends, the closest, and say, I can't do this on my own because it's a collaboration, gentlemen, not a competition.

Let's read the fun part of the end of this story.

When Jesus saw that the crowd was rapidly gathering, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, You deaf and mute spirit, I command you to come out of him and do not enter him again.

After crying out and throwing him into terrible convulsions, it came out, and the boy became so much like a corpse that most of them said he is dead.

Same thing they said about Jesus, but Jesus is there, so listen to what happens.

Jesus, though, took him by the hand and what?

This is resurrection language, raised him, and he got up.

When he came into the house, his disciples began questioning him privately.

Why could we not drive it out?

And gentlemen, you've got to hear this, because this is the second thought, real quick.

And Jesus said to them, Here's why you couldn't drive it out.

Because this kind of problem cannot come out by anything but what?

Prayer.

Most translations say by prayer and fasting.

It's another sermon for another day why some translations took out the word fasting.

Do you guys remember at the beginning of the year when I said we're going to do something we've never done in the history of the church?

We're going to declare 21 days of prayer and fasting?

Do you know what my whole motivation was?

That verse right there.

God, I can't preach good enough for our church to be healed.

I can't preach good enough for salvation to take place.

I can't preach good enough for forgiveness to start happening.

I can't preach good enough to see marriages get reconciled and come back together.

God, I can't preach good enough to heal people whose marriages didn't work.

God, I can't preach good enough to fix marriages in real time because they're showing up during a difficult season.

God, I can't help parents.

I can't preach good enough to make a parent who's got a sick kid well.

There's certain things, gentlemen, as fathers that can only come out by prayer and fasting.

I didn't do that so we'd look like a super spiritual church and have a notch on our religious belt.

I did that out of desperation as a pastor going, God, I want these men and women of our church, I want these kids of our church, I want these singles, these people who are gonna eventually start adulting more and have uh husbands and wives and start having babies.

I want them to experience the supernatural power of God just like this father finally got to, so that they can draw from it the rest of their lives.

When seasons of hopelessness come, when seasons of fatigue come, when seasons of doubt come.

I want them to see the supernatural power of God.

And gentlemen, I know we sometimes most often identify with Jesus the carpenter more than Jesus the crier.

But can I tell you when it comes to what a real man looks like?

Yes, swing a nail, swing a hammer, hit a nail, build stuff, use your hands, sweat, go to bed tired.

That is what we men were designed to do.

Put in an honest day's work.

That is masculinity at its finest.

But there's also this other piece that sometimes makes us cross our eyes in wonderment.

Wait, you want me to like get quiet, get on my knees and pray?

That sounds like surrender.

Yeah.

It's exactly what it is.

And we've been taught, gentlemen, from birth, subconsciously and even sometimes consciously, that surrender uh equals losing.

But it's a collaboration, not a competition.

That surrender denotes weakness.

Yeah, it does.

In your weakness, that's when his power can be made perfect.

That's when his grace will be enough for you.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Let's talk.

If we really believe Jesus is the essence of the definition of what masculinity is, let me just read one attribute of who he was while he was here.

Hebrews 5 7.

During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions.

Listen to this, with what?

Fervent cries and tears, gentlemen.

This dude's perfect, by the way.

Sinless.

And yet there was enough of this pressure croquer known as Planet Earth in its fallen state for Jesus to have to drop to a knee often and throw up petitions with tears and fervent cries, like this father, I believe.

But help me in my unbelief.

To the one who could save him from death and he was heard.

Why was he heard?

Because of his reverent submission.

This is like submission.

This is the posture of it.

Like to me, this is masculinity at its finest.

I'm not saying you have to do it at church for a show.

I'm not saying that.

I'm saying there's got to be some place, your secret place, your closet, gentlemen, someplace you can go and be alone where you are no longer worried about the optics and you are desperate enough to get on your knees and say, God, I cannot be the father I'm supposed to be for my kid right now.

God, I cannot uh fix this problem in my own strength and resource, but you can.

God, would you meet me in this moment?

God, would you help me in my marriage?

God, would you help me find that job that's finally gonna uh allow us to put food on the table and wonder, not wonder anymore how we're gonna pay our bills at the end of the month?

Father, um, could you restore my relationship back to my kid who's an adult now and we haven't been talking for the last 10 years because I made some incredible mistakes and I can't say sorry enough anymore.

You gotta change their heart, God.

That's bigger than me.

I can't change the heart.

Could you change their heart to forgive me because I miss my kid?

God, that first marriage, I messed up.

I didn't I didn't get it right.

I didn't know what it meant to be a man in terms of taking care of my wife, God, and I'm so sorry.

But could you please allow me some healing and some redemption?

And I'll put it in your hands.

But could you give me a second chance so I could do it again right?

For your glory.

Like, like, like, can I tell you how many times I've been brought to my knees privately, sometimes publicly, not often publicly, because it's weird to me, but but but privately I've been brought to my knees and go in tears.

God, I don't have what it takes.

Gentlemen, that is the highest mark of manhood.

Please hear me when I say that.

And then having the guts to collaborate, go tell your wife what you were crying about.

Go tell your wife, go tell your best friends.

Get in a small group, get in those friendships where you have some Dwites that are there to fight for you.

Not just hang with you, but fight for you.

I'm gonna do this.

I showed you a picture of my awesome son 20 years ago, and 20 years later, I asked him if he'd come up and finish the day with me.

Uh, would you guys give a hand to my son Jude?

Um, this is, I'm gonna keep my composure.

Uh he got his mom's genetics, as you can see.

I'm just a little guy now.

He knows I will still whoop him for a little longer.

Uh this is my son.

He's uh is a 20-year-old now, my best friend.

He's my gym buddy, my gym bro.

And I could not be more proud to be his father.

Um so this is, yeah, clap for all of you, because I know you guys feel the same way.

Um what was it Sunday night?

Maybe it was Saturday, Sunday night, last Saturday, Sunday night.

Jude came to me at the gym and he's like, hey dad, do you care if we get dinner the next day or two?

And I'm like, done.

Let's go.

You pick the place, pick the time, I'll be there.

And he said, Hey, can we get carry out and then maybe take it to your office or something?

Because I want to have a real talk and I might cry.

I was like, okay, we'll do it.

And then I had to sit on it for a little bit, and we so we went out Monday night.

We we had an awesome lift, we destroyed ourselves for the glory of God.

And uh we went and got Chipotle like Jim Bros do, double steak, double chicken.

Walked into my office with our five-pound burritos, sat there and ate for a little bit, and then Jude just started talking to me about what he wanted to talk to me about.

And it was will be one of my favorite memories as a father, because he talked about everything in life he's struggling with and everything he's been through in the last five, six, seven years.

We've we've kind of, like many of you, had some tough times in those last seven years and how it's affected him and some of the things it it caused him to fall into and start participating in and doing, and and he was just being brutally honest.

Like one of those, I believe.

Dad, you know I love Jesus, but my actions don't always prove it.

And I want my actions to be the ultimate sign of belief, not my words, and you know, that type thing.

And he was just so vulnerable and you know, cool enough of a kid to say, talk about whatever you want to on Sunday in terms of that.

And I said, I'll I'll keep it appropriately vague, but I do want I do want them to know that this is this is this is what it looks like to win at fatherhood.

If you would have heard some of the stuff he was crying about and confessing, you could think as a man, oh, I lost.

Oh, I wasn't there, oh, I couldn't save him from that.

And the truth is, is we serve a perfect heavenly father who's never done anything wrong, and he's had several billion kids go rogue on him.

Not every problem's our fault, mom and dad.

And I just sat there and I was like having a conversation while I'm listening to Jude, and I'm like, God, this is what I dreamed of.

I just wanted to have a home where our kids felt safe enough to us at some point to pull us aside when they're ready and just get gut level honest.

I believe, but help me in my unbelief.

Real conversations is what I'm here for.

To me, this is real Christianity.

This is this is when we make progress.

Um, when he started confessing, the Bible says in James 5, if you confess one to another, collaboration, not competition, if you confess one to another, you shall be healed.

And I guarantee you, did you feel healing in that moment when you were getting that off your shoulders?

And I did my best to create a safe place, not a condemning place, not an angry place, not a how dare you, because now you're making me as a father and your mother, you're making us look bad as parents.

I'm sitting there going, no, this is what it's all about.

Not perfection, as Chad said last week.

Pursuit.

So we ate our burritos and had a lot of tears.

See, that's manhood.

We lifted earlier and cried together later.

Don't buy into the lie culturally, men, what toxic masculinity is.

It's letting this whole thing go from here to here.

I believe, but help me in my unbelief.

And son, thank you first of all for letting me use you at the end to just share.

I did not do that for it to be the Brugman show today.

That would be gross.

But I did do that because in the Bible it says for pastors to lead a life that you can be an example to people.

And my example is I have made, he could tell you, endless mistakes as a father.

I've done so many things I wish I could get back.

We've talked about a lot of them.

But at the end of the day, he asked me to go to dinner and we cried together.

And I'm like, that's it right there, man.

Just creating a place where dads, you can share your imperfections with them and what it cost you, so maybe they have a few less of those that cost them a little bit less.

I've tried to be very honest with Jude about the worst parts of my story for the last 52 years and tell him you don't have to do everything your dad did.

You don't have to make the choices that your dad did.

You don't have to get as hurt as your dad did.

You can you can learn from my mistakes.

You don't have to just wait for yours.

But when you do have those mistakes, we'll go to Chipotle and then we'll go to my office and we'll cry together and we'll figure this thing out.

And that is what we have been doing.

And gentlemen, you can do that same thing, and I am telling you that is the essence of what it means to be a man.

So I'm gonna do this.

It's time to go.

We all want to watch the U.S.

Open.

I know I do.

I'm gonna preach faster at the 1230 today because it's like time to go.

It's time to go.

But I'm gonna ask if you would allow my son who is studying to be a pastor.

I warned him not to, but it is what it is.

I asked him if he would pray the blessing over all the men and over all the fathers.

And so would every man, not just fathers, future fathers, ones that want to be fathers, but it's not in the cards yet, one who made a specific decision for whatever reason, God bless you, we honor that to not be a father.

Would you stand right now?

We're gonna pray a blessing over you this Father's Day.

Every man of any age, boys too, you do this.

No one cares about your eloquence.

No one's gonna be impressed by how powerful you can pray.

What they want is you to pray from your heart, whatever you have.

And so I told him not to plan a prayer.

I told him not to write out a prayer.

He's like, Really?

Come on, are you?

I go, no.

They want to hear a prayer from your heart.

It's not about the words, it's about the authenticity of us calling out to God in our weakness so that his power could be made strong.

Pray us out, Jude.

Dear Lord Jesus, God, I pray for the men, the fathers, God, I pray for vulnerability.

God, I pray for humility.

God, I pray that angels surround them, guide them.

God, I pray that you install peace, that you install humbleness, God, in every single men here.

God, I pray with over their mental health, whatever's going on, you only know, God.

I pray that they have the vulnerability to go up to somebody and talk about it, God.

God, I pray for your power, your strength, and your guidance over every single one of the men and the fathers in their relationship with you, their wives and their kids and their friends, God.

God, I pray that you appoint them to your truths and what you have over their lives, God.

And I pray that you just show them that they're loved, that they're cared for, and that they matter because they are a son of you first, God.

Dear Lord Jesus, I pray.

Amen.

Thank you, bud.

Love you.

You guys can stay standing.

I pray the Lord blesses you, keeps you, causes his face to shine upon you, is radically gracious to you, and that you walk out of the doors of every campus with the peace that passes understanding that guards your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Gentlemen, we love you.

Happy Father's Day.

Go have so much fun.

Ladies, we love you as well.

Have fun with them.