Radicle Effect - Lust and Chastity

So good morning.

This is me over here trying to write a sermon

the week Taylor Swift dropped 31 songs.

Kristen, am I right?

It was a little distracting.

And I'm not even like, I joke, I'm the first Swift.

But I am a semi-Swifty,

but listen, that's a big deal.

That's impressive.

And so while I was trying to figure out how in my week

I could write a sermon at home,

she put out what equates to three albums

while on a world tour.

So she is a level of productive that I don't understand.

She also has a really big team, so whatever.

But if you wanna talk about this today,

I'm probably not your girl,

but Kristen will be accepting questions

at the end of the day,

if you would like to ask her about Taylor Swift

and this new album.

But we are going through a series on,

well, we call it Radical Effects,

but it's reflecting on what had been codified

as the seven deadly sins.

And if you have children in here,

I'm giving you a heads up today

is the topic of lust and chastity.

And so if that is something you would value knowing

ahead of time, I'm letting you know.

I don't get explicit if that's also helpful,

but wanting to let adults with children know

that that's on the menu today,

if that changes anything for you guys.

Our series has focused on what from the vice or virtue

we've been discussing brings life to us.

What when grown and fed and nurtured brings fruit

and goodness.

What today's message is not about is sex.

It is a message about what it is that we can think we want

or expect from each other and how to responsibly

and respectfully care for one of the most vulnerable

and intimate areas of our lives.

So that we're on the same page, simple definitions.

Lust is defined as a hunger for anything,

most commonly and at its start was associated with

a deep desire and insatiable desire for sexual intimacy.

But it is not reductively just simply that,

it can be broadly used as well.

But it is referring to an insatiable

or an uncontrollable desire.

It is a strong word on purpose.

So while lust itself is not a dirty word,

it is in fact a strong word and it is meant to describe

the strongest of desires.

Lust is a strong powerful desire,

whether it's a noun or a verb,

you lust for things you deeply crave.

By contrast, chastity is the associated virtue

and it is simply defined as purity.

So with those things in mind,

I want us to go forward in prayer from here

and I will invite you to do that with me now.

God, I pray that you would bring fresh insight and wisdom

into our hearts and our minds.

And if there are things that have been unhelpful

and even hurtful and damaging to us

in respect to these things in the past,

I pray that you would help us somehow even be able to

separate ourselves from those biases

and some of those even traumas or triggers

that words like this can cause.

And so I pray that as we go forward,

you would care for our minds,

you would care for our hearts and our souls

as we look for things that bring life

in today's conversation.

I pray this in your name, amen.

So if you grew up in the evangelical church

in the 80s and the 90s,

the word purity is gonna trigger some things for you.

If you grew up in the evangelical church

during the 80s and 90s,

you ran unwittingly square

into the surprising glass window of purity culture

and the self-appointed morality police.

You were given books like,

I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Gift Wrapped,

oh, that was visceral, that response just there.

Gift wrapped by God, lady in waiting,

raising maidens of virtue.

Also a lot of women's stuff here.

We took conversations that were about lust and chastity

and eventually sex became something we didn't talk about.

Those things became things we didn't talk about

and because we didn't talk about it,

we made them taboo and shameful carried on whispers.

And as young people were growing into themselves,

they did not have adults

to bring challenging conversations to

in order to help them understand

what was happening to them

during significant developmental years.

We did not have conversations on mutuality,

respect, bodies, and who gets to say

and do what about and with them.

Trusted and approved adults and young people

could not have healthy conversations around desire

and its emotional regulation

and development in a person's life.

Is desire bad?

No.

Desire for something has a drive behind it

and it can be beneficial,

an energy that helps motivate us.

Even desire for another person is not bad.

But when we can't have safe conversations

around what this looks like

and how it shows up in our lives,

it becomes shadowed in shame and develops in isolation.

So I'm gonna go on a bit

of what will feel tangential for a minute.

One of the things I think about a lot

at this point in history,

because this is the point of history I'm living in,

I'm sure it's showed up at every point,

but we hear it a lot now

is how much we have sold the importance of being happy.

I just wanna be happy.

I just want them to be happy.

Being happy is nice.

It's a really good feeling.

But it is one that when seriously pursued

and when seriously pursued

can actually become a pretty dark chase.

It can be sought at the expense of other things

because we can't be happy all the time

and we're not meant to be.

And so often it is at the expense of relationships

and how we have often capped off a collective reflection

for someone in talking with others,

I just hope they're happy.

We never say that, hopefully, for people.

We kind of often say it because we have felt the brunt

of what somebody else's pursuit of happiness has done to us.

I just hope they're happy.

Where I'm going with this is that we live in a time

where a person's personal pursuits,

that was really good alliteration actually,

just as I said that,

person's personal pursuits are the pinnacle.

But that's true.

We live in a time where a person's personal pursuits

is the pinnacle of what they want to achieve.

We are living in a society where we are chasing satiation

and we feed our lusts.

We feed our deepest desires

because we do not know how or even want to manage them.

We don't know how to emotionally regulate well,

and that's where a lot of that's rooted in.

We do it with food, we do it with happiness,

we do it with social media, we do it with politics,

we do it with other people.

Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite writers.

He wrote a book called American Gods

and it's a book about the gods of the old worlds,

the Norse, the Eastern Egyptian, Greek, Roman, others,

and the new gods that are emerging.

The old gods are fading or they're losing their status,

their power in the world because the American gods,

the new shiny American gods are replacing them.

These are the gods of tech and money and media and self.

They've grown large because people have always wanted more

and in America, truthfully, the book plays on this

because it's true, but here we are.

In America, we've been taught

that whatever you want, you can have.

We have been taught that whatever you desire,

you can have it.

You can work for it, you should fight for it,

and you can even do it at the expense of others.

You are not only allowed to feed your lusts,

you're encouraged to do so.

But with these vices or the things that we feed,

there is something adjacent at play here.

Unchecked desire, unregulated, gluttonously fed,

and fitted with a sense of shadowed shame and isolation

becomes troublesome at best and dangerous at worst.

I think, and this is a helpful visual for me,

it may not be for you, I think these vices and virtues

can be seen as a continuum.

And maybe it isn't as polarized as I might paint that to be,

but for today, that's the image I'm gonna work with.

We have chastity and we have lust.

But having awareness of where the direction begins to go

of where the direction begins taking us

in places that lead away to life is important.

On that continuum, knowing the direction we're moving

and is it taking us away from or towards life,

knowing that for ourselves is really important.

I don't know where the crossover is.

If it was a marked line, I can't say this,

when you've crossed this line, you know,

because it's not so easily, you know,

qualifiable in that way.

I believe it looks differently for each of us

in some, just to some degree.

And I'll come back around to that later

and how we might keep in tune with that.

But what I think this strong unchecked desire, lust,

ends up doing is that it begins to

disassociate ourselves from others.

And it allows us to objectify to the point of our desire.

Lust does not have respect at its core.

It does not make space for leveled vulnerability

and intimacy, it does not make space for connection.

Lust objectifies, it sees what it wants as an object

to use to feed itself and where does that end?

We know from the history of humanity

that there is rarely an end that doesn't lead

to self-destruction when one continues to feed something

that is so self-centered.

It begins to ignore what others want or need or have.

It begins to ignore what others value.

It is only concerned about what can be acquired

and even owned or controlled.

It begins to see others as a means to an end

and not for the other's benefit, but solely your own.

The conversations in our society about sexual freedom

very much hold one's personal desires as priority,

so it's a difficult conversation to have

when feeding one's lust is even normalized and honored.

I'm not gonna go into that part,

but we do live in a society where these are things

very much in front of us.

I'm not making commentary on that,

I'm stating that we have it in front of us

and we have to make decisions for ourselves,

how we engage with that.

This would be a very long sermon

if I were to go down some other avenue.

So I realize that some of this is gonna feel reductionist

and even compressed a little bit, so please forgive me,

we can have further conversations on many other tangents.

But listen, purity culture did a number on a generation

to go back to that and on a society.

Purity culture and the lead up to it

largely targeted women and making women responsible

for what became men's broadcast.

And I'm not saying this is true,

I'm saying it became broadcast,

that it was men's inability to control themselves.

We normalized what we know is simply untrue.

It just became permissible and accepted

and women were asked to carry the brunt

of that responsibility.

What women can do to keep their virtue and their purity

and it fell into our field of responsibility

and I will tell you that's exhausting.

We accepted shamelessness for some and shame for others.

Hear me, I'm not calling for equitable shame.

I am not advocating for shame

and I am definitely not advocating

for imposing it on others.

But I do want an alternative conversation on chastity

which I think we can have that doesn't actually

bring shame into the conversation at all.

So revisiting chastity or purity can feel concerning

to those who grew up in that time of hush conversation

and moral policing.

I think we can reset the conversation

and instead of centering shame and unbalanced responsibility,

we can instead remind ourselves

that the things Jesus was consistently about

was mutually loving each other,

caring for each other and holding each other up.

All of us in equal measure.

Among the things we see consistently in scripture

is God's call for community and a dignified

and honoring view of each other.

The reminder that no one is better than another,

that we can't earn God's love

and that we are called to be gracious

and charitable with one another.

I think chastity can mean that we place our desires

in a place of wise and loving holding

and regulate them for the benefit

and consideration of others

until we can find ourselves mutually connected,

open and capable of equitable vulnerability with each other.

That chastity recognizes that intimacy is not built on sex

but on among other things, connection,

broad faithfulness, mutuality, safety and love.

The Bible has a lot of places.

This is an interesting topic to work with biblically,

which sounds strange from a pastor.

But the Bible has a lot of places

where the original languages have been translated

into the word lust but they are simply identifying

who was being lustful and positioning these folks

on the dark side of the street leaving us to think,

oh, those are the people we don't wanna be like.

There are a number of passages

that are overwhelmingly descriptive

but there's very little in regards to instructive

but there's very little in regards to instruction

aside from a few spots if we're looking for the Bible

to be explicit on this topic.

To that point, the seven deadly sins,

as we've said a few times in this series already,

are not actually outlined in the Bible in a codified way.

They're a compilation of an extra canonical creation

with scripture in mind presented for guidelines

to Christian living in the sixth century.

However, the Bible is not silent on the matter

and there's an incredibly rich passage

in 2 Peter 1 that I want us to read together.

I'm gonna be reading from the NRSV updated version

and I do invite you, if you are able

and would like to join this way,

we honor the scriptures by standing.

So I would invite you to do that.

I'm actually gonna read this passage twice

but 2 Peter 1, three through 10.

His divine power has given us everything needed

for life and godliness through the knowledge of him

who called us by his own glory and excellence.

Thus, he has given us through these things

his precious and very great promises

so that through them you may escape from the corruption

that is in the world because of lust

and may become participants of the divine nature.

For this very reason, you must make every effort

to support your faith with excellence

and excellence with knowledge

and knowledge with self-control

and self-control with endurance

and endurance with godliness

and godliness with mutual affection

and mutual affection with love.

For if these things are yours and are increasing among you,

they keep you from being ineffective and unfruitful

in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

For anyone who lacks these things is blind,

suffering from eye disease,

forgetful of the cleansing of past sins.

Therefore, brothers and sisters,

be all the more eager to confirm your call and election.

For if you do this, you will never stumble.

I'm gonna read that one more time.

His divine power has given us everything

needed for life and godliness

through the knowledge of him

who called us by his own glory and excellence.

Thus, he has given us through these things,

his precious and very great promises

so that through them you may escape from the corruption

that is in the world because of lust

and may become participants of the divine nature.

For this very reason, you must make every effort

to support your faith with excellence

and excellence with knowledge

and knowledge with self-control

and self-control with endurance

and endurance with godliness

and godliness with mutual affection

and mutual affection with love.

For these things are yours

and they're increasing among you.

They keep you from being ineffective and fruitful

in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

For anyone who lacks these things is blind,

suffering from eye disease,

forgetful of the cleansing of past sins.

Therefore, brothers and sisters,

be all the more eager to confirm your call and election

for if you do this, you will never stumble.

You may be seated.

I find that passage very hopeful and life-giving.

It's encouraging with mutual affection

and mutual affection with love.

The writer is hoping for us,

it's invitational to participate in something

that's gonna lead us to life.

And not just life for ourselves,

but life among and with others.

That is a really good personal point of reflection.

We act differently towards those we have love for.

In a world where I see a person's personal happiness

being held as a key, if not the utmost value,

mutual affection and mutual affection with love

almost seem like something from a forgotten era.

But what if a revisit of chastity with this as the center

could be something we uphold?

Where we care for others, we hold space for others,

and we recognize other people are people

that have opinions and thoughts and things to share.

So chastity, how do we value it in our lives?

We practice the virtue, understanding

that it will lead to life.

That a continuation down this direction

will not only be good for us, but for others as well.

It strengthens many.

We practice it so that we can care for others.

We practice it to help take us out of ourselves.

Because we will think of ourselves first.

And as much as one is a helper or an Enneagram Two

or an empath, our self perspective

is the strongest one we have.

And at the end of the day, the one we feel

the most urgent need to respond to is ourselves.

Developing an intentional practice to be moved

along the continuum in a way that leads to life

is life giving for you, and it is also life giving for others.

And you cannot be in two places at one time.

If you are moving this way, you are not moving this way.

If we keep the image of a continuum in our minds,

how do we know when we are devolving instead of evolving?

Or have crossed into an unhealthy or even dangerous place?

Because often we are not good at prevention or moderation.

It's not what we're taught here in America.

We are taught how to walk something back

once we've gone too far, but by then

it's just incredibly difficult.

We are allowed to manage things though, everyone.

We are allowed to do this.

We are allowed to manage things before they get too far.

Before they get too far down the line

where it is not bringing us life.

So when does something become unhealthy?

If it's a continuum, then it's probably different

for everyone, I did say that earlier.

But it's good to point out here.

As with anything, we have to be wise about the real,

actual state of our own hearts and the health of our minds.

Which means we ask ourselves questions

and we are vulnerable with ourselves.

And we invite the Lord to examine us

and share things about us that we need to know.

We ask ourselves questions.

We check in, we help us know where we are on the line.

I'm gonna offer some questions you can ask yourself.

It is not comprehensive, you can add to it.

You may decide others are not valuable.

But as I was thinking through this,

these are some things that I thought through.

Questions that we can ask ourselves to keep us in check.

Where am I?

Am I creating isolation around certain things in my life?

Am I going in a path that is continually

keeping myself protected?

Or am I moving on a path that has others?

Do I feel ashamed about conversations

around lust or chastity?

I will add this caveat.

There are not, there are,

some conversations aren't for all times.

Read your room, but you have been able to,

but have you been able to have healthy conversations

around these topics with trusted

and appropriate friends and family?

Is that something you practice or have in your life?

If it is not, I encourage you to seek it out.

Do I care about vulnerability with others

or does my desire for this create,

or my desire for my sort of myself

create a barrier to feed myself?

Does it create a barrier?

Do I, when others are wanting to be vulnerable,

am I uncomfortable with that?

Do I unwelcome it?

Do I put up walls against that?

Or do I help encourage it and support it

and help foster it towards a healthy place?

And am I actually working against my own vulnerability

or intimacy with myself and others?

Do I consider others?

Do I care for others?

Do I seek to protect others?

Do I genuinely love others?

We do not have to know each other to do these things,

to love, consider, care, protect, or love others.

We do not have to know others to protect them

and care for them, consider them.

When we are talking about the things that feed us

and our own desires,

or considering others with mutuality and respect,

I can practice that and not know people in my community.

So what are things that help?

With regards to these questions,

what are things that can help us move forward

in a direction towards a life-giving path

for ourselves and for others?

A good community that supports practicing vulnerability

and openness with others,

and a place where you can do that and share,

that share your values in these areas.

You don't even have to share the same opinions,

but sharing same values on vulnerability and openness

and its value is good to find, and it's good to cultivate.

The Lord's wisdom is what helps.

God is available to us in innumerable ways.

The wisdom of the Lord is a gift, and it is for you.

We can ask for it, we can practice it,

we can be strengthened from it, we can grow in it.

The Lord's wisdom is not withheld from anyone,

and it empowers us to uphold and care for others

with mutuality and respect and dignity.

Ask for the Lord's wisdom continually in these areas.

Self-reflection, this might be one of the most difficult

areas of vulnerability in our lives.

Honesty and reflection of ourselves.

Spend time assessing your own boundaries and choices.

Ask the Lord again to give you wisdom

and insight into those things.

Ask for God's help for growth.

And this is a final caveat.

If you find that you yourself have life-disrupting issues

with desire, lust, sexual, sex addiction, or porn,

help is available, and I would encourage you to seek it.

If you would like to speak with a pastor

or a licensed counselor, and perhaps even need help

finding one, please let us help with that.

Because this conversation may be a very difficult one

for some people in this room, but your community,

the people here, want to, we all want to move forward

together in a direction that is life-giving for everyone.

This is one of my shortest sermons I've ever given.

Usually they are about 20 minutes longer.

But I think with the things that we've had time

to reflect on, I would ask you to,

if you need some of those questions again,

I can, you can write them down.

But I do want to give you a couple moments

of quiet reflection as well, because this is an easy one

to walk away and be like, I'll think about that later.

We don't want or like to give time to hard things like this,

so let's take some time right now to do that.

I'm gonna give you about a minute to do that.

Don't worry about the other noises in the room.

But let's have a moment of quiet just to reflect

on some of these things and be open to vulnerability

with ourselves and ask God to examine our hearts.

God, with the things that we've had a conversation

about today, I pray that you would remove all shame

from this topic in our life, recognizing that you,

that there's no condemnation in you.

This is an area that often has vast amounts of shame

connected to it and I'm praying that you would remove that

and replace it with life and hopefulness.

That we would be a community that is able

to uphold each other and care for each other

with great dignity, that we do not look to use others

for our own gain, that we would continually be

moving forward towards pure hearts when it comes

to how we see and relate to others.

That we would move in our lives with respect

towards others and dignity, seeing each other with love,

whether we know them or not, that our love for others

channeled from you would grow and increase.

I pray that you carry us today with some of these

reflections and may they lead to life giving

and fruitful things this week.

And we're asking for your blessing on that.

Amen.