20260510 Fathers Sunday Sermon Tim Dickmann

So this morning we are going to consider fathers

So if you want to turn to Ephesians chapter 6

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

We'll be looking here at verse 4 I'm actually

going to read beginning in verse 1. Children

obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.

Honor your father and mother which is the first

commandment with a promise so that it may be

well with you and that you may live long on the

earth. Fathers do not provoke your children to

anger but bring them up in the discipline and

instruction of the Lord. I wrote that first verse

just for this reason. that he says there, obey

your parents in the Lord. And that's a different

word than verse four, which says fathers. So

some people want to say that this verse here

applies to mothers and fathers equally. And I

don't think that's accurate. Do these things

apply to mothers? Should they not provoke their

children to wrath? And should they bring them

up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?

Yes, they should. Absolutely. But Paul uses the

word fathers here. I think because he again is

emphasizing the role of fathers in the home So

just as we talked last week who's responsible

for everything that goes on in the home? Is it

mom? It's the father's it's the husband's so

the responsibility again rests upon you men On

me okay in my home I am the one who is going

to be held responsible. And so you men, you fathers

will be held responsible in your homes for the

nurture, the discipline of your children. So

let me just say that to begin with. Again, it

is not a small thing to be a father or to be

a husband. It is a huge responsibility. To take

it lightly is to take it in a way that is displeasing

to the Lord. To the detriment of your children

and your wife. So, he says here, do not provoke.

What does this word provoke mean? Do not rouse

to wrath. Do not exasperate. I think this might

be a translation that says exasperate. Do not

anger. Do not irritate. This word provoke can

also mean intense frustration. That's what we're

not to do. So as fathers, do not provoke your

children. Now obviously here we're not talking

about Dealing with our kids and disciplining

our children and then they throw a temper tantrum

because they're angry, right? That's not what

we're talking about So if through your discipline

your instruction and all that goes on in a good

way, they're provoked to anger You have to deal

with that anger. That's sin But what he's saying

here is don't Rule your home. Don't deal with

your children in an ungodly way that provokes

them to wrath that causes frustration Don't be

irresponsible in your home which leads to frustration

and anger for your children. How do we do that?

So I have a list for you. I love lists. I don't

know if you've noticed that because I think they're

helpful. Now it doesn't mean that every time

I have a list for you it's an exhaustive list

because it's not. But it's things to think about.

It's things to consider, and if you can add to

that list, then great. You should do that. And

if you're meeting everything on my list, then

wonderful. Get your own list and see where you

need to grow. Okay? But I think it's helpful

to consider these things. So, here's my list

for you. How do we do this? How do we frustrate,

provoke our children? Now before I even get to

there I should say this Colossians. I forgot

about this Colossians 321 Paul again is giving

instruction. He says do not exasperate your children

so they will not lose heart We don't want our

children to lose heart. We don't want our children

to be frustrated Just be like there's no point

if I do this. I'm in trouble if I do that I'm

in trouble. I can't please them. It's impossible

We don't want to be there. We don't want that

to be the case How do we do this? Here are some

things. Number one, not doing what we say. Now

we talked about this when we talked about husbands,

when we talked about being a man. What does a

man do? He sticks to his word. When he says this

is what I'm gonna do or this is what we're gonna

do, he does that. So not being faithful to your

word will cause frustration in your children.

So, for example, you say, hey, Saturday afternoon,

Sunday afternoon, when I get home from work,

whatever it is, we're gonna do whatever. We're

gonna go to park. We're gonna go play some ball

in the yard. We're gonna play catch. And you

come home and you forgot about some other responsibilities

that are more important. And next thing you know,

your kid's like, man, I thought we were, now

I'm mad. Dad told me this is what we're going

to do and now we're not doing it. My heart was

set on this all day. He's frustrated. Can you

blame him? No. You have acted unfaithfully. Keep

your word. If you can't keep your word, don't

give him your word. Along with those same lines

though, you've got to also be able to tell your

kid what you're going to do. So when he's asking

you for these things, or he's telling you, hey

dad, I wanna do this, can we do that? It's not

okay to just be like, well, we'll just have to

see, right? That's frustrating too. Never being

able to give a decision. So you've got to be

intentional. When you say you're gonna do something,

you've got to do it. When you're wanting to do

this, or your family wants to do this, you have

to carve out that time. You have to do that so

that you can say, yes. Now there will be times

where you have to say, well, we've got a lot

going on that day. We're going to have to just

kind of see how that goes. That happens. There's

nothing wrong with that. But if that's the answer

every time, we just got to see what happens.

See if we can work it in. That's frustrating.

That's not a good way to live your life. That's

not a good way to run your home. So do you see

the balance there? Carve out that time. Do what

you say. Be responsible and manage your time

well for the benefit of your children. So not

making decisions. Not keeping your word. In your

home, you're going to have rules. You're going

to have things that are no's and yes's and things

like that. Don't change those things randomly.

Okay, so when you have a set of rules when you

have these things that are in place It can't

change from day to day. It can't change upon

your mood If you've set a rule and then you come

to find out that wasn't a very good rule I'm

gonna have to change that there better be some

explanation. Hey, I know that that's what we

said But hey, I think I was wrong We're gonna

change this thing. We're gonna make an exception

here Whatever it is But that shouldn't be the

normal thing. The rules are always changing.

I never know if this is going to be an okay thing.

Today I'm doing it and I'm not in trouble and

everything's great. Tomorrow I do it and the

world's coming to an end. I don't know what to

do now, okay? Be consistent. Be consistent with

your rules. I'll talk about this a little bit

later, but again, too many rules, not enough

rules. There's a balance here in our home as

fathers. We've got to have rules. But we don't

want to regulate every little thing. I'll talk

about this, but just as an example, when you've

got a toddler, everything is no, it seems like.

Right? I mean, they're getting into everything.

And so you're teaching them. No, you can't touch

the remote. No, you can't pound on the glass.

No, you can't throw this. No, no, no. It's just

constant. And that's good. But as they grow,

what do they come to realize? Not everything

is a no, but what's not mine is a no. So that

when you go to somebody else's house, they've

got some different stuff, but they know that's

not their stuff. And so you've taught them. what

you can and can't do. You don't have to have

a rule for every little thing. They begin to

learn what yes is and what nos are. So again,

when they're young there may be a lot of nos,

but as you train them, some things are just obvious

to them. You've taught them what's theirs, what's

not theirs. We don't damage things, right? That's

a no. We're not breaking stuff, okay? But there

shouldn't be a rule. There shouldn't be a rule

in your home that says we don't damage property.

Right? That's silly. That's a given because you've

instilled that in them as they've grown. Okay?

Hopefully that's helpful. Too many rules, not

enough rules. There's a balance there. Not communicating

expectations. They've got to know what's expected

of them. So they've got to know whatever. So

if you've got a list of chores or you've got

things that are to be done around the house,

they need to know what those things are and how

they should be accomplished so that when they

do them, they know this is sufficient. I've met

the criteria. This is what dad wants. This is

what mom wants. And I'm in the clear, so to speak.

It's not okay to just be like, hey, this stuff

has to be done and they kind of do it but they

really don't know what you expect from them.

So make clear, communicate your expectations

to your children. Again it goes, we'll talk about

this some more, but obedience. What do we expect

in obedience? Do we expect immediate obedience

or do we expect just eventually to do what mom

and dad say? Okay, if all you ever expect from

them is just to eventually do what I tell you

to do Doesn't have to be done. Now. It doesn't

have to be done with a good attitude It's just

eventually and then all of a sudden one day.

They don't do it right away, and you're putting

the hammer down They're like what happened. It's

always been fine before Now all of a sudden I

got to do it right away. When did that become

a rule when the wood was that ever expected?

Expectations they should know what's expected

Unjust discipline. Okay? It's kind of hard here.

Dad's not here, so, you know, I can criticize

Dad's... the things that happened. Maybe he won't

listen to the sermon. But I remember, you know,

sometimes... and I think Dad was a great example

here, but... One thing I remember was there would

be times where we didn't know who was at fault,

or he didn't know who was at fault. We all got

spanked. I don't think that's a very good, I

don't think that's a good principle to live by.

Now, we laugh about it today, and well, we probably

all deserve one anyway for something we didn't

do or didn't get in the past. But don't be reasonable.

Okay, don't be just divvying it out without really

knowing what's going on unjust discipline Playing

favorites, okay, if you have favorites in your

home, that's terrible. That's terrible We have

an example of that right Joseph. We have the

example of Joseph Jacob loved Joseph more than

all his brothers so Jacob Rebecca was Rachel.

Rachel was Jacob's wife. She finally had Joseph

and he was the favorite because she was his favorite

wife, his favorite son, gave him the coat of

many colors. What did it cost? Resentment, bitterness,

hatred. They hated Joseph because they knew he

was dad's favorite. You can't have favorites.

All that does is cause anger, frustration, and

bitterness in your own. Different expectations

for children. So little Johnny is expected to

do this, but Jimmy isn't. And they're close enough

in age that the same expectations should be had

for both of them. Unreasonable. That's frustrating.

Well, why doesn't he have to do this? I have

to do it. Why do I have to do the dishes, take

out the trash, and do everything, and he doesn't

do anything because he's younger? Well, yeah,

he's a year younger. But who can't take the trash

out? Maybe he can't do the dishes yet. Fair enough.

But he can do something, I guarantee it. So putting

everything on the older kids and expecting nothing

from the younger kids. Frustration. That just

causes frustration. And everybody sees that in

your family. This kind of goes along the same

line, but babying the younger. You got your baby,

he's the last one. And he can do no wrong. And

so he just wreaks havoc in the home. Everything

he does is okay. He can break all the rules,

and nobody else can say anything to him. He can

mess up your game, he can mess up your Legos,

he can interrupt, he can hit you, and mom and

dad are like, hey, hey now, he's the baby. You

can't do that. You can't get onto him. That's

wrong. That's sinful. It's frustrating to the

rest of the family. Provoking our children to

wrath and anger through those things is not good.

Avoid those things. Everybody's looking at Ben.

Ben got plenty of trouble. Being age -appropriate.

So age -appropriate expectations. Age -appropriate

discipline. As they grow, those expectations

grow. It's not helpful in the family to expect

a two -year -old to do the dishes. But at the

same time, it's not good to think your 12 -year

-old can't do the dishes. It goes both ways.

Reasonable expectations and age -appropriate

expectations. And let me just deal with this.

The more expectations we have of our children,

the younger they are, the better it is. Again,

we want to be mindful of what they can, but we

want them to have to work at what they need to

grow in, right? If we never expect them to do

anything above their level, so to speak, are

they ever going to... It's like they're always

just playing catch -up, rather than getting better,

getting more responsible, learning to do different

things. Again, we can help them in that. We don't

expect them to do it all on their own, but we

can help them with those things there. kind of

above their level. And then they grow into that.

And it teaches confidence and other things. Inconsistent

discipline, that's a frustration. That will provoke

your children to wrath. Again, allowing things

to go on and then all of a sudden, boom, something's

got to change. Consistency in the home is key.

Couple of examples here. I already gave the example

of Jacob with Joseph And I want to give a couple

examples here just a negative parenting in Scripture

So we have Jacob even before that if you remember

Rachel Rachel And Isaac with Esau and Jacob,

who was the favorite there? Jacob was Rachel's

favorite, right? And so again, wasn't a good

situation in that home. Another example is David.

David's life, David apparently was not a very

good father, it would appear. He failed in many

ways. And I'm not just wanting to tear down David,

but if you remember his oldest son, Amnon. Amnon

raped his half -sister. And David did nothing

about it. And then, so that was Tamar. And then

Tamar's brother, Absalom, was infuriated by it.

And eventually he killed him. So he, so Amnon

rapes his sister. David does nothing. Absalom

then kills Amnon. David still does nothing. Then

what happens? Then Absalom goes away. He runs

away because he's afraid. Dead might kill me

for this one. This was a bad deal. Joab convinces

David to bring him back. He does. He still doesn't

have anything to do with him though. And the

next thing you know, Absalom causes a revolt.

And David has to flee Jerusalem. and is afraid

for his life. Absalom is going to kill him. Absalom

then winds up dying in the battle. So it wasn't

a good thing. It was some really poor decisions

there as a father. One thing that the Bible says

here, I think it's 2 Samuel 13. Or maybe it's

1 Kings 1, no it's 1 Kings. So in 1 Kings, so

the story of Absalom, Abnon, and all them, that's

2 Samuel 13 and 14 if you read that. But in 1

Kings 1 6, I want to read this. So this is another,

this is an example of what not to do here. In

1 Kings 1 6, So David here has died, or he hasn't

died, but he's on his death bed, so to speak.

And so Adonijah is his son. He says, now Adonijah

the son of Haggath exalted himself saying, I

will be king. So he prepared for himself chariots,

horsemen with 50 men to run before him. And it

says his father had never crossed him at any

time by asking, why have you done this? And he

was also a very handsome man. And he was the

next in line. He was born after Absalom. So here's

this son. He's like, I'm going to be king now.

Amnon's dead. Absalom's dead. I'm next in line.

I'll be king. He prepares to be king. And reasonably,

he should have been, right? But why hadn't David

told him? No, you won't be king. Solomon will

be king. But all through his life, David had

never crossed him. had never said, why are you

doing this? Why have you done this? What are

you thinking here? It ended bad for him as well.

What's my point? Who was David? How was he described?

As a low down, dirty rotten scoundrel? A man

after God's own heart. That's how the Bible describes

David. He is set up on a pedestal and an example

of godly king. Throughout Kings and Chronicles,

this one did not follow after David. This one

did serve as David served. Always, David was

the standard of a godly king. What's my point?

It's not enough to be a godly man. These things

won't just happen. David was a man after God's

own heart, and yet he failed as a father. So

being a godly man, being in the Word, walking

with the Lord, having a relationship with the

Lord, being obedient to the Lord, conquering

in the Lord's name, it's not enough. You have

got to be intentional as a father. You have got

to put forth an effort. You have got to do...

what God has called you to do as a father, not

just as a man. It's not enough. Just because

you're a godly man doesn't mean you're going

to be a great father if you're not intentional

to obey the Lord in what He's called you to as

a father. It's work. It requires effort. Another

example is Eli in 1 Samuel 2, 29. His sons were

worthless fellows, the Bible says. Sons of Belial,

I think it is said. But Eli is rebuked there

in 1 Samuel 2 .29. It says, you honor your sons

above me. Eli didn't deal with his wicked sons.

They continued to be priests and did all manner

of evil. And Eli never dealt with them. And he's

rebuked for that. And because of that, his line...

They don't serve anymore. They're all taken away

It's a serious thing To be a father and it's

a great responsibility and it requires much effort

much hard work To accomplish what the Lord has

called us to as fathers So do not provoke and

then he goes on here He says Do not provoke your

children, but bring them up in the discipline

and instruction of the Lord." So bring them up.

The King James says, nurture them. And I think

the King James says discipline and admonition

of the Lord. So what do these words mean? Well,

to bring them up or to nurture them is The idea

there is to nourish up to maturity. So that's

what Paul is saying. He says, bring your children

from children to men. Bring them to maturity.

That's the goal of us fathers is that our children

would mature, would grow. Again, you don't just

stay a child. You are a child and you grow into

a man. That's the goal. That's what we're striving

after for our children To mature to maturity

Paul talks about us as Christians Becoming mature

growing up Right. We don't want to be those infants

those children So to bring up to maturity This

word discipline, what does this word discipline

mean? There are three three words here that are

translated discipline in a number of places in

the New Testament. This word here has to do with

the whole training and education of children.

Okay, so this is kind of the overarching discipline

of your children. It has to do with everything.

There's another word that is translated discipline

in Hebrews. Hebrews 12, five through nine, this

word is used, I think, all three different ways.

It has to do with being instructed or taught.

And it also has to do with chastisement, punishment.

And then in verse nine, the same word is translated

the same way, a different word translated the

same way. And again, it has the same idea here

of chastiser, corrector, an instructor, or a

teacher. So this word in Ephesians, it has to

do with all of these things. Instructing, teaching,

chastising, correcting, everything. So this word

in Ephesians, when Paul says nurture them or

bring them to maturity and discipline, he's talking

about everything that has to do with child training.

Okay? It's not just spanking. So when we see

discipline, that's a lot of times what we think

about is spanking our kids. And it's included

in this word, discipline, but it is more than

just that, all right? So he says to bring them

up into discipline and the instruction or the

admonition. So again, instruction, admonition.

It could be, again, it has to do with teaching,

exhortation, The same word is used in Titus 3

-4 regarding a warning, so warning our children.

So all of that is included here. As fathers,

we are responsible for all aspects of our child's

maturity. And how are we to do this? In the Lord,

he says. In the Lord, in other words, with an

eye to what the Lord has called us to, the principles

that we are to live by, the instructions that

he has given us. and the goals to the glory of

God. William Henderson says this about it. He

says, the very heart of Christian nurture is

this, to bring the heart of the child to the

heart of the Savior. That's our goal here. Through

all of this discipline and nurture is to bring

our children's hearts to the Lord. We want to

change and transform them for their good and

for the glory of God. That's our motive in everything

that we do, God's glory, the benefit of our children.

So teaching, correcting, punishing, I wrote down

here, all are included in bringing children to

maturity. And as I already said, fathers are

responsible to make sure that this happens in

their home. As I've said before, it's not as

though the father has to do all of these things,

right? It's going to be hard to do everything

when you're off at work, doing what you're supposed

to be doing, providing for your home. But you

need to set in place rules, standards, you and

your wife in agreement so that while you're gone,

these things are being done. You're on the same

page. We talked about that last week. Communicating

as leaders, what are we doing? How are we going

to do this? What are we doing with little Johnny

here? How are we going to discipline and instruct

him to maturity? And those things are set in

place. And then when you get home at night, you're

making sure this is what's going on. Dealing

with problems then. Helping your wife. in every

way that you need to. Alright. I'm not going

to spend much time here, but obviously one way

that we do this is by being examples. We live

before our children what it is to be a godly,

mature man that they would grow up into. We already

talked about that. Positive instruction. So we

do this through positive instruction. Instruction

is key. A couple of verses. Proverbs 10. Proverbs

10 -17. What does he say here? when I thought

it was. He is on the path of life who heeds instruction,

but he who ignores reproof goes astray. Throughout

the Proverbs, what is being said? Hear my Son,

right? Hear my words. Listen to my instruction.

In order for our children to be hearing something,

we've got to be doing something. It requires

our effort in instruction. When Solomon's writing

these Proverbs for his son, his desire is to

teach him what to do and what not to do. And

so we must, in a positive way, instruct our children

in what to do, how they are to act, how they

are to think. It's vital. It's vital that we

give instruction. It's not enough to be here

on Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, and then

that's it. That's all the instruction our children

have in spiritual things. That's not sufficient.

It's not sufficient that they just learn from

their mistakes. That's not what we're supposed

to be doing. I was thinking about this. Can you

think of anywhere in scripture where we're encouraged

to just let everybody learn from their mistakes?

I'm seriously asking that question because I

thought about it and I couldn't come up with

anything where it was just kind of like the Lord

just let these folks just do whatever they wanted

without any instruction and then. Well, now I'll

teach you how you should have done. I can't think

of anywhere. The Lord always gave instruction.

Here's what you should do. And then they didn't

do it and they were chastened for or punished,

rebuked. That's how we are to be. We are to give

the clear instruction to our children. What you

should do, what you should not do, what the consequences

will be. I was listening to a sermon by Ryan

Folgin on this and he was talking about telling

our children the realities that come from their

disobedience or from the Proverbs. So many things

lead to death and destruction. The wayward woman

going into the wayward woman, your life will

be ruined. And he was talking about how he heard

this mother one time looking at the kid was looking

at these magazines. As they were checking out

and she said, you know, kick scantily clad women

and whatnot and she says, oh, that's gross, isn't

it? And he said, no, that's not gross He says

that's attractive and that kid knows that that's

attractive. It's not gross. That's death That's

where that will lead you Tell them the truth

positive instruction It's wrong. It's sinful

and it's death if you follow that path Don't

sugarcoat it. Tell them the truth. So positive

instruction. The Proverbs are full of it. Hear

my words, my son. Listen to wisdom. Everything

is in Proverbs. There's so much instruction there

for young children. You can go through the Proverbs

continually. And there's so much to mine. So

many treasures there. So many jewels. to impart

wisdom, instruction, and knowledge to your children.

It is imperative that we are taking advantage

of the Word of God in our children's instruction.

Now, what other instruction are there? Well,

there's just instruction in life, right? I mean,

just practical, everyday things that we need

to be teaching our children. We need to be teaching

them the good things and the bad things. And

it's important that we take every opportunity,

okay? So with my kids, I don't know if they remember

this or not, I mean there were so many times

where their friends would do something. Or we

would hear about somebody doing something. And

we would talk about that. That was really silly.

That was a foolish decision. Now this is gonna

be the result of that. Drugs, alcohol, all of

those different things. Do your kids know what

comes with all of those things? Are you instructing

them? It's not enough to just never let them

know anything about drugs. Yeah, you don't ever

want them to experience those things, but they

need to know. At the appropriate age, beware.

This is death. Literally, this will kill you.

It just won't leave and ruin your life. It will

kill you. alcohol, the same thing, all of these

things. Are we teaching our children? Do we have

a plan to teach our children? Are we using the

opportunities that in everyday life, when we

see something that goes on, our kids see something.

We're at the grocery store, we're at the ball

fields, we see some kind of terrible behavior

or some crazy thing going on. That's an opportunity

for instruction. Yeah, did you see that? Yeah,

that was pretty bad. He really lost his temper

there and Now he's gonna go to jail because he

hit that guy. We've got to learn to control ourselves

So like when you get mad at your brother You

you can't hit him. You've got to control those

emotions teaching instructing and showing the

results of those Poor decisions and those actions.

So take advantage of every opportunity To teach

and to train your children give that positive

instruction. And then along with this, if we're

going to teach them and we are going to train

them and nourish them and grow them up into maturity,

we also have to deal with negative instruction,

right? There has to be dealing with wrong thinking,

wrong attitudes, those types of things. We've

got to deal with everything. Every aspect of

our child's development is what we have to grow

up into maturity. Their attitude, their actions,

everything has to be instructed. They're not

just going to learn these things on their own.

They might, but it may take a whole lot of negative

things first before they finally realize, I've

got to learn to control my temper. If you don't

teach them that at a young age, what happens

when they get older? We've all seen it. People

out of control in our society. We see it constantly.

Talking to the kids, somebody shot somebody in

the drive -thru because they didn't get what

they were supposed to get. They're in jail now.

Somebody's dead and they're in jail because they

couldn't control themselves enough to get through

the drive -thru line. That's insanity. No instruction

in that child's life ever So positive instruction

negative instruction in the sense of correcting

Now if we are going to Discipline and train our

children. We've got to know our children Every

child is different Their attitude is different

Their mentality is different Their emotions are

different. We have five children And I can honestly

say they are Totally different in so many ways

so many ways I Failed I'm not realizing that

early enough in my kids' lives that I needed

to deal with them differently. You have got to

know your children. They're not all the same

and they're not like me. Thankfully, they're

different and you've got to deal with them differently.

That doesn't mean the rules change. It just means

how you deal with them and the instruction you

give them It's going to be different. It's not

a one size fits all. Again, I'm not saying the

discipline isn't the same. I think it is. They're

all going to get spanked. But it's going to be

how we do these things is going to be different.

The type of instruction they need is going to

be different. We may need to be a little harder

on one than on another. because he's stubborn

and bullheaded and we've really got to deal with

him. Another one may be a little softer and it's

not going to take nearly as much to deal with

that child, to correct them and to break their

will as we want. So in order for us to instruct

our children appropriately we must know our children,

know their strengths and their weaknesses, know

their emotional state, how they are. You've got

to understand that and to deal with them accordingly.

How about this? You've got to know how they interact

with other people. Alright? So, are they easily

influenced? When their friends are around, do

they just go with the flow and do what's wrong?

Or are they the one that says, yeah, we're not

doing that. That's foolish. And he's the one

who leads the crowd into doing what's right.

You've got to know that, right? Because what

friends are you going to let them have? If they're

the strong one, then they can be an influence

for good in the lives of some of their friends.

But if they're just being sucked here and there

and turned astray, You can't let them hang out

with people that are going to take them down

a bad path. You've got to know your children.

You've got to know what they're capable of, their

strengths, their weaknesses, how easily influenced

they are, how well they'll influence others.

All of those things play a role in how we deal

with our children and what we allow them to do

and what we don't allow them to do. Some of this

is redundant, but so be it. Every aspect of our

child development is our responsibility. We're

not just talking spiritual, right? Yes, we want

to raise them up in a spiritual way. We want

to nurture them in the things of the Lord. We

want to teach them and to train them in Bible

reading. in memorization, in study. All of those

things should be part of our instruction to them.

And those are vital. Those are essential. They

are necessary. But there's more to it than that.

There's more to bringing our children to maturity

than just in spiritual things. Physical maturity.

That is our responsibility as parents. Are we

developing physically mature children. Okay,

so what do I mean by that? Well, are they eating

properly? Have you ever thought of that? That's

your responsibility as a parent. Do they eat

properly? Are they taking care of themselves?

So, you know, me and Amanda used to laugh. When

the kids were young, nobody wanted to take a

bath. Nobody wanted to take a shower. And then

we just couldn't. With Caleb, we were like, wow,

all of a sudden, he's taking care of himself

now. And with each one of the kids, eventually

they were like, yeah, I gotta take a shower.

And it was once a week, now it's like twice a

week. Then it came to every day, you're like,

yes, we have arrived. We don't have to tell them

to clean themselves anymore. But before that

time came, you had to tell them. You're stinking.

Get in there and take a shower. When's the last

time you showered? And so we've got to do those

things. It's not okay to just let your kids run

around stinking all the time. That's not healthy.

That's not good for them. You're not teaching

discipline. You've got to make them do those

things. Brushing their teeth. Who likes to brush

their teeth? I still just think it's a waste

of time, but I have to do it. Every morning.

Sometimes in the evening. Right? It's what you

gotta do. It's what you gotta do. And you've

got to teach your children to care for themselves.

That's a responsible parent. We've all seen the

opposite of those things. You don't want that.

You don't want your children as outcasts in society

because they're filthy. That's not a good thing.

That's not a good example. That's not an example

to the world. of a godly parent. So, with their

health, with their physical care, their cleanliness,

physical activity, again, not everybody's an

athlete, and that's fine. But there should be

some physical activity in life. That's good,

that's healthy. Learning, again, if you don't

know it, your kid's bodies change. I remember.

as you know the way they would run the way they'd

move and then things began to change like oh

hey look he actually looks athletic when he's

running now instead of like a duck out there

like what is he doing okay those things change

and it's good that we encourage those things

running around and all of that that's part of

growing up and experiencing what your body's

capable of maturity mature maturing physically.

How about emotional maturity? Okay? That is essential.

You have got to teach your children how to deal

with their emotions. Emotions are not bad. They're

good. The Lord has given them to us. We are emotional

people and that is a good thing. How do we deal

with those emotions? Do we let them rule our

lives? Anger, frustration, right? Everybody who

has kids and you young people who are having

kids are going to see all of these things. The

anger in your little toddler. Maybe you're a

little baby, but he doesn't get what he wants.

If you just leave that alone, that doesn't change

as they grow up. It gets worse. And unless the

Lord doesn't work, it never changes. We've got

to teach them how to deal with their emotions.

We've got to correct it and then deal with it

Depression discouragement. We've got to teach

them how to deal with those things. We're down

Why are you down? Talking them through those

things getting them Away from those thoughts

that are causing the problems all of those things

are our responsibility as fathers Teaching our

children how to deal with their emotions. To

think clearly through their emotions. We have

got to deal with those things. Fear. There's

a big one. You've got to deal with your children's

fear. As parents, our children will play off

of our emotions. If you haven't seen that, you

will. And so if you live a life of fear, what

do you think your children are going to do? They're

going to be fearful. If you're worried about

every little thing, your kids are going to be

worried about every little thing. They know that.

They see that. They sense that in you. I don't

know why, but mom's scared right now, and I don't

feel very safe. I'm scared. I don't know why

I'm scared, but I'm scared. Because something's

going on. Mom's worried. Mom and dad are worried.

I can tell something is going on here. Your family

should be a safe place Well, that doesn't mean

there aren't troubles and your kids know about

those things, but they should know Yeah, I've

got some stuff on my plate But everything's fine

and you certainly don't need to be concerned

about it. The Lord is in control The Lord is

going to care for us. I'm dealing with some stuff

and it's fine though You certainly don't need

to worry you used to have no reason to fear They

need to be safe. They need to be learning that

that they can trust God just like you're trusting

God. Even before they're Christians, that they

can look to God in that way. So make sure that

you are not leading and being an example of anxiety

and fear in your family. Because instead of dealing

with emotions, you're causing. You're the cause

of emotion in a negative way. So all of those

emotions... Anger, frustration, depression, discouragement,

fear, worry, anxiety. Teaching our children to

overcome all of those things in a healthy, good,

biblical way. The last thing I have on here is

just socially. Again, it's not enough that they're

just clean and they're Christians. They've got

to live in society. You've got to teach them

how to live in society. to that they would be

mature, that they would grow up. How to communicate

with people. You can talk when an adult says,

how are you today? You can respond. You don't

have to just shrink away and be like, oh my word,

somebody just talked. And I'm not sure, right?

We teach them. Say, I'm doing okay. How are you?

Whatever, right? Teaching communication. Manners.

It's not okay that your kids have zero manners

in society. That's not an okay thing. They don't

know how to sit at the table and have a meal

with somebody. How to hold their fork correctly.

How to not eat with their fingers. We kind of

laugh about some of these things, but they're

out there and You're sitting there at dinner,

and you're like Who is this person that's sitting

at my table eating like a wild animal? That's

not okay teach your children manners Again, it's

not like we've got to be you know sitting at

the Queen's table, and we've got our little teacup

and Just normal everyday life, chewing with your

mouth closed, please pass this, not reaching

across, just the normal stuff, the normal things.

So that when they go somewhere, they fit in.

Again, we're not trying to fit in with the world,

but we are, we don't want to be outcasts either,

right? The Bible talks about the normal things

in society, that those things are fine. We shouldn't

be outcasts for being weird. in a non -Christian

way. So, social skills. Self -awareness. That's

big. Are you aware that you are not the only

one in the room? Are you aware of what you're

looking like? How you're holding yourself? How

you're conducting yourself? Being self -aware.

Or are you just oblivious to everything around

you? You've got to be aware of your surroundings.

You've got to know that every situation is different.

So you don't act the same at a funeral as you

act at a playground. People don't know that.

We think that's just common sense, but that's

lacking. We don't run around like crazy kids

at the funeral. We do run around like crazy kids

at the playground. It's a good thing, too. Different

situations, different expectations, a different

set of manners, so to speak. All of those things

are part of being a godly father and raising

your children in a good, proper way that is pleasing

to the Lord. Discipline and nurture in all of

these ways. In all of these things, the Lord

has given us instruction. These are not just

random thoughts that I've had. There are scriptures

all over the place about how we are to grow and

mature in the Lord, how we are to conduct ourselves.

As fathers, we need to be intentional in this.

We need to ask for the Lord's help and direction

and guidance. We need to ask for help and guidance

from those who are older than us. We need to

seek counsel from those who the Lord has put

in our lives. There is abundant counsel in the

Word of God and in the church that He has put

us in. And so take full advantage of that. Seek

Him. Be intentional. And discipline and train

your children in all ways.