Hydropower

We're in a series called Water Works.

And it really kind of came from a study I was doing in John where I looked up and I realized that water kept showing up in consecutive chapters.

Chapter two is Jesus turns water into wine.

Chapter three, Jesus is speaking to Nicodemus.

He says, unless you're born of spirit and of water.

Chapter four is the woman at the well.

Chapter five is Jesus heals a man at the pool of Bethesda.

Chapter six, which is where we're going to be today, Jesus walks on water.

And then John 7, he is in, he's at the Feast of Shelters, and he talks about rivers of living water will well up within you and provide an ongoing source for you throughout your life.

And it says in parentheses, he was speaking of the power of the Holy Spirit.

You know, I frankly probably could have started with John 1, because if you read John 1, it's actually the introduction of John the Baptist.

And it says that John the Baptist was baptizing with water.

And people were asking, why are you doing this?

And he said, Well, I'm really a forerunner.

It's not about me.

Ultimately, I'm paving the way for someone else.

And he said, There's one that will come after me, but he'll be greater than me because he was before me.

He's speaking of Jesus essentially being fully God, fully man, and that he said, I'm baptizing with water, which is symbolic of what he will do, which is he will baptize with the Holy Spirit and with power.

If we think about water and we think about the listener or the people, the contemporaries of G with Jesus, when they heard or thought about water, they thought about power.

We don't tend to think of that in our world because when we think about water, it's so unbelievably accessible.

You can get it anywhere.

In fact, it's uh part of building regulations.

They have to have the water running, they have to have a certain number of drinking fountains, you've got to be able to access water.

And so we just have it at our fingertips all the time.

But if you go back and you think about human history, water has always been a big deal.

In fact, the the cities that grew the fastest grew near water because water was transportation.

It was a way of getting around the world, getting imports and exports and getting ships in and out.

Obviously, people needed water, and so being close to large amounts of water was huge.

Um you'll see actually when you look even before Jesus' time, they would build cities.

Obviously, water was a priority.

How are we gonna get water to our people, make it as accessible as possible so they would go near a well or a spring?

Um they would, in warfare, often people would weaponize water.

They would cut off your water supply because they knew in short order you're gonna be desperate because you don't have water.

And so water represented power.

It's interesting if you study the Roman Empire that one of the hallmarks of the key components of the Roman Empire were the aqueducts.

Aqueducts that would there were pipes that would run underground, and and it was really great engineering.

They would have them where they would drop, you know, a foot per mile, so to speak, so that the water ran just fast enough so that it wasn't sedentary, but it was slow enough that it didn't cause erosion in the pipes.

And then if even some of them still stand today, there's still an aqueduct today that actually goes above ground and and it's um like a bridge.

It looks like a bridge, and they had sometimes bridges on bridges that were keeping the water running.

And you would think that the aqueducts, the intent of the aqueduct would be to get water to the citizens, but that wasn't the original intent.

In fact, the original aqueducts were uh designed by the wealthy to tap into a spring to feed water to the estate or the resident of the wealthy person so that they had more than enough water.

In fact, it was usually feeding a pool or a bath or a fountain.

Why?

Well, what a great way to display your wealth.

Most people have to travel just to get water to drink, but I'm so wealthy I made an aqueduct that goes miles and I got water to waste.

You know, I've just got water out here, you know.

Look at me.

It's it's showing that what most people need barely to survive, I have in copious quantity.

Look at my fountain.

In fact, it's King Agrippa, okay, who we know shows up in the book of Acts, who is known historically as the one that took the technology of the aqueduct and used it for the distribution of water to the citizens.

And so it endeared him to the people because Agrippa was the one that took what used to just be for the wealthy and helped us all to be able to get water.

The technology made our life better.

I wouldn't have to go travel to the well, it was much, much more accessible.

So I didn't plan to say all of that, but at the same time, I want you to understand water, power, and we need to tune our ears best as we can to the people Jesus was speaking to and ministering to so we can really get the point.

When they heard water, when they saw water, they thought power.

And so Jesus is going to use water throughout the book of John to ultimately help us better understand God's power and ultimately what he wants us to do with our power and what power is accessible to us.

Okay, John 6.

John 6, uh, the backdrop of this story is actually Jesus has just fed the 5,000 with five loaves and two fish.

He's done a miraculous sign.

It says in verse 14 of John 6, when people saw him do this miraculous sign, they exclaimed, Surely he is the prophet we've been expecting.

This is, remember the five loaves, two fish, five thousand, uh, you know, all that.

It reminded them of Moses and the children of Israel in the Old Testament with manna, and God provided food for them in the wilderness.

And so they're thinking, ah, this now is the prophet we've been expecting.

This is the Messiah.

He's doing a version, a 2.0 version of that miracle.

So they get on board.

Verse 15 says, When Jesus saw that they were, look at this, Jesus saw that they were ready to force him to be their king, he slipped away into the hills by himself.

Verse 16.

That evening Jesus' disciples went down to the shore to wait for him.

But as darkness fell and Jesus still hadn't come back, they got into the boat and headed across the lake towards Capernaum.

Verse 18, soon a gale swept down upon them and the sea grew very rough.

And this is where now Jesus comes out walking on water.

Now let's let's back this down and slow play it, and let's look, let's let's let's go there.

Jesus' disciples have followed him, they still don't fully get who he is and what he's here to do.

They know he's sent from God, but they can't help but do what we all do, which is to recognize patterns in our world, to have our presuppositions, to have our biases, to have our goals, the things that we want to see happen, the things that we think God should do.

And so they they're following Jesus, and as they do, they're thinking of him as the king of the Jews.

They're thinking of him as ushering in the kingdom of God, which to them is synonymous with the nation of Israel, and they think they're imagining that all of the oppression we've had to go through, from the Egyptians to the Assyrians to the Babylonians, and now the Romans, we will be delivered now.

Jesus, you know, Moses was just a type of Christ, and Christ now is going to lead us out of Rome.

Moses led the children out of Egypt.

Jesus is gonna lead us out of Rome, and now finally we will get to be the world power.

We will be at the top of the food chain.

So now this is, we're gonna put down our nets and we're gonna leave our families and we're gonna follow Jesus because this is a divine, supernatural kingdom that's gonna be put here on earth, and he's gonna use our nation to do it.

Okay.

So now they're thinking as Jesus has done this miraculous sign, and the people say, Let's crown him.

We're gonna crown him.

The people are right there.

They see the miracle and they're like, This is our king.

The disciples have to be thinking, we've made it.

This is the moment, this is the crowning moment, this is the breakthrough.

All of it has led up to this.

What could be better?

And while they're high-fiving each other, going, Yeah, I knew when I left those nets, this Jesus guy was going somewhere.

I knew he was gonna take us somewhere.

I saw his potential before you.

Any of you all did.

I I saw what he could be, I knew what he could be.

Here it is, it's right at our fingertips.

They look around and Jesus is nowhere to be found.

And so they start texting him and calling him to try to track him down.

Have you ever been somewhere with somebody and they were supposed to be somewhere and they weren't, and they went radio silent?

Maybe there's a group of you and you're all texting them.

And you've all called them.

Hey, have you called them?

Yeah, I called them, they didn't call them, and and if you know you're like, well, who do they like the most?

You call them because maybe they'll answer your call.

You don't know if they're ghosting you on purpose, are they pushing you to voicemail?

Are they ignoring your text?

They don't have that little thing that tells you if it's been read or not, so you don't even know.

You know, it's like, ah, you're upset.

So it says what they do is they look around, Jesus is nowhere to be found.

It feels to them like this doesn't even make sense.

You've missed your moment.

They wanted to make you powerful.

The people were ready to make you as powerful and imperial as you can be.

And where did you go?

So they they can't find him, they go down to the the seashore, and they're like, and it's starting to get dark.

Can you imagine?

I mean, it's not hard to imagine the conversation.

Like, they're like, John, where'd he go?

John, you're the beloved disciple or whatever.

Maybe he told you, he didn't tell you anything?

No, no one saw him, he didn't say anything to anyone.

You're getting ticked off.

You're getting ticked off.

Where is he at?

Finally, dude, it gets dark.

And they're like, we don't even know.

What should we do?

No one's got a plan, no one knows what to do.

Let's just go to Capernaum, I guess.

I don't know, I'm just gonna stand here.

They get in the boat, they start going across, and then it gets worse.

It's the gale wind, the forest wind comes down, and now it's like they're rowing against the wind.

It's just a bad night.

It's a bad night.

And then this is when Jesus shows up in power.

He's walking on water.

Jesus is teaching them about power, and he's he's doing some really powerful things here beyond just the surface.

Let's think about why would Jesus not let these people crown him king?

You know, interesting thing about Jesus when you look at his teaching, Jesus takes certain things that could be good or could be bad, and as he deals with those topics, he goes deep into motive and heart.

For example, money.

Is money bad?

No, money's not bad.

Money's not good, it's an inanimate object, it's a shovel.

Okay, if you got a lot of it, it's a crane.

So it's it you see what I'm saying?

Like it's a tool.

But Jesus says, look, if you don't understand and you let money take over you, money will animate.

And in fact, he calls it a master.

He says, No one can serve two masters.

You'll hate one and love the other.

And so he's like, look, money, it's a it's a shovel, it's a tool, it's to be used, not to take over your heart.

But it man, it has a way of doing that.

This inanimate object, all of a sudden you're you're slaving for it.

You're waking up thinking about it.

You you you're willing to give up relationship for it.

You you you're you'll you'll make this person that you committed till death do us part.

Now it's all well, I'll lose everything.

I don't care.

You come second to my money.

My money becomes it becomes my God, it becomes my girlfriend, it becomes my boyfriend, it becomes every my security.

He's like, it can animate.

So if it's animated and it's caused you to be enslaved to it, why would I want to give you more and make it bigger?

Is money bad?

No.

But Jesus animates it verbally because he's like, this is what we do in our minds.

So you gotta fix that before I can give you any more or less.

And you got to get to the place where Paul got, where he eventually is like, you know, I've had it, I've not had it, I was just as happy here than I was there.

It's fine.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

So Jesus, when he's talking about things like that, then we talk about things like leadership.

We talk about things like leadership.

He's not just giving leadership principles so you can know how to take the masses from point A to point B.

Jesus says stuff like John 10 10.

He says the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

Who's the thief?

Well, we think it's the devil.

That's what we when we're talking about like, you know, the thief, you know, Satan comes to steal.

That's not what Jesus is talking.

Go read John 10 10, read it close.

A few verses before, he's talking about corrupt bad leaders.

And so he says, those bad leaders are like thieves and they come to steal, kill, and destroy.

So why would I want to give good leadership principles and teach people how to how to communicate better and how to unify and how to vision cast?

Why would I give you those leadership skills when your heart is wrong?

All I'm giving you is more of a weapon to steal with, to kill with, and to destroy.

And the bigger your influence, if I give you more influence and more platform, all you'll do is have more collateral damage.

So Jesus didn't write a leadership book, although his life was a leadership masterclass, but his words was dealing with the heart of the person.

Um, power is another one.

Is there anything wrong with power?

Not necessarily.

What is your motive?

Really, why do you want this?

I was I was talking to a friend recently, uh one of my favorite people, frankly, and and I reached out to him with this sermon and I kind of preached it to him a little bit.

And I was like, hey, I want to preach this to you, not because I'm trying to get up in your business too bad, but I just want to share it with you and then you give me your feedback.

So I'm preaching it to him and I said, Hey, uh, let me ask you, um, are you passionate about growth?

He's like, Oh yeah.

I already knew that because I know him.

So he's like, Oh yeah, I love growth.

I'm all about I'm a growth-minded, growth mindset.

I'm all about growth.

I'm like, that's cool.

Why do you want to grow?

I said, first I said, what do you want to grow?

He said, well, I want to grow my uh education.

He's actually working toward his doctorate.

Um so he's like, he's growing his education.

He's like, I want to grow my business, and I know about his business, and and he's he's got some plans and things he's trying to do with his business.

And the third, he's like, I want to grow my money, I want to grow my finances.

He's been learning about investments and different things, and he's been kind of studying that and starting to dabble and starting to work.

And so he's like, I want to grow my money, I want to grow a business, of course, I want to grow my family, you know, da-da-da.

And I said, Okay, okay, so you want to grow it.

So by growth, you're saying you want it all to get bigger.

He's like, Yes, absolutely.

I said, So you want to you want to become more powerful?

He's like, Yeah.

And I said, Cool.

He's like, is that wrong?

I'm like, no, not not not really, not necessarily.

If you have uh more education, it means you know more.

And frankly, doctor in front of your name does open up some doors, like that, you know, it's instant credibility.

Um, yeah, I do understand your business goes further.

It's more, you have more respect, you have more credibility, you're able to do more, maneuver more, it expands your network.

You come over here, you have more money, you can just get stuff moved.

You you you go from a shovel to a bigger shovel to a crane.

I get it, totally get it.

So I don't think it's wrong.

And he said, Okay, is that it?

And I said, No, I said, uh, why do you want to be powerful?

And he said, Because I want to do more of God's work.

And I said, That's the right answer.

Is it the real answer?

When we start digging into motive, I've noticed something I'll speak for myself, that I fall into.

And sometimes, as I'm digging into motive, I I come to the right answer.

And sometimes the right answer becomes becomes a reason to stay at your blind spot.

Because it's like end of conversation.

Why do I want to grow?

I want to become more powerful.

Why do you want to become more powerful?

Because I want to do God's will.

Right answer.

Stop thinking, stop digging?

No.

Sometimes the right answer keeps you blind to the real answer.

What is the real answer?

Why do you want to do that?

And I'm not saying, I know my friend, he's got a good heart.

I'm not saying it's all bad, but I'm also not saying it's all good.

And wouldn't the enemy love to keep you right at the right answer so you didn't dig far enough to get to the real answer?

Because maybe there's 30% of something that isn't quite right that the Lord might want to mosey around in to kind of fix, to kind of fix your motive so that your heart is in a place to be trusted with power.

I don't usually read my notes, but I wrote this down because I really didn't want to screw it up.

If you examine your motives, or sorry, as you examine your motives, see, I did screw it up, as you examine your motives, don't stop when you get to the right answer.

Keep digging until you find the real answer, then keep working until the right answer is the real answer.

I'm gonna read it again because it's still seeping into my pores.

As you examine your motives, examine your motives, look beneath the surface.

Don't stop when you get to the right answer.

That could be a sound bite that keeps you from digging a little deeper.

Don't stop when you get the right answer.

Keep digging until you find the real answer, and then keep working until the right answer is the real answer, until they're one and the same.

Let's look at this crowd.

If you'd asked this crowd, why are you trying to crown this man king?

They would have said, Well, clearly he's from God, and we want to expand the kingdom of God.

We want to usher in the kingdom of God.

That was the right answer.

The real answer is we want to expand the nation of Israel.

We want to empower the nation of Israel.

They were so caught up in what they wanted Jesus to do, and Jesus wasn't looking to make Israel the new empire.

He was looking to start something in Israel that would go to the ends of the earth.

And and the motives and everything were totally exposed if you just kind of step back and look at the text.

Because if you go just two chapters before in John 4, when Jesus is ministering to the Samaritan woman, which Jesus would eventually say, Hey, here's my here's what expanding the kingdom of God is.

Go to Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria.

But in John 4, they're with the Samaritan woman, and they come and they don't, they're uncomfortable with the connection Jesus has with the Samaritan woman.

And Jesus says, you know, they said, Jesus, you want some food?

He's like, I have food you know not of.

And they're like, Oh, some you got some food?

No, I didn't, but I have food you know not of.

And he's like, you know, you guys say four months more and then the harvest.

You're you you have destination addiction.

You're waiting on something that you think's coming down the road.

He said, I'm saying, open your eyes, the harvest is here.

And they're like, Oh, all I see Samaritans, where's the harvest?

These Samaritans are blocking the view.

I can't I can't see it.

They can't see it.

Why?

They're not about what Jesus is about, they care about what Jesus is capable of, they don't care about what he cares about.

So it would be irresponsible for Jesus to give them what they want or what they're asking for, because what they want is imperial power.

They don't actually care about what Jesus actually cares about.

And here's where it's really proven the same group of people that were trying to make him king, when he doesn't become the king that they wanted him to be, eventually it was the same people that were yelling, crucify him, crucify him, crucify him, crucify him, crucify him.

So Jesus didn't want to be their king.

I also love the fact that Jesus is completely and totally empowered, but he has no desire at all to impress anyone.

He's not trying to be impressive.

In fact, when he walks on water, he does it in the middle of the night to 12 people.

I mean, he could have said, You, you know, you saw me turn five loaves and two fish into this meal.

Wait till you see what I can do on the water.

What watch this?

Right?

Hold my fish.

Watch this.

Uh he didn't do that.

He did it to 12 people, by the way, who he wasn't trying to impress, he was trying to impact.

He was trying to train.

He wanted them to catch his heart.

So the crowd proves them themselves, actually, if you keep reading in John 6, and I got to summarize it quick, but basically, at the end of John 6, Jesus goes across uh there in Capernaum, these people show up, and I'll just give you the broad strokes of the conversation.

Verse 26.

Well, they they've said to Jesus, you know, hey, feed us again.

He says, Look, I tell you the truth.

You want to be with me because I fed you, not because you understood the miraculous signs.

You just want what I'm capable of.

You don't care about what I care about.

You just care about what I'm capable of.

And so you just want another meal.

And and um they're like, No, no, no.

Um verse 28, they say, we want to perform God's works too.

What should we do?

We want to perform God's works.

We want to walk on water too.

We want to uh turn five loaves to fish and do a miracle too.

We we want to do works.

We want you to do what you're capable of through us.

We want works.

And Jesus says, verse 29.

Jesus answered, the work of God is this, to believe in the one who sent me.

They they were focused on the capability of his works instead of what he cared about in his work.

Works, work.

Two very different things.

And so they prove themselves in verse 30.

They say, Show us a miraculous sign if you want us to believe in you.

What you know, what can you do?

What else can you do?

So this comes to a head at the end of John 6, because now this crowd that wanted to crown him, once he confused them, and if you keep reading it, it gets a little weird.

He's like, you know, talk, they're talking about manna from heaven, and he's like, you know, this man is better than the manna there.

It's me, it's my body.

You ought to eat my body.

If you don't eat my body, you can't win it there.

They're like, dude, that's odd.

And it is a little odd.

Honestly, you read it, you're like, okay, Jesus.

And then they trade, like, you can clarify if you want.

I know it's a metaphor, it's a little crude, but like, what else you got?

You know, and he's like, he get, it's he gets more graphic, it's weird, but he does what he does, right?

He's Jesus, like, I don't, no disrespect, but it would have made me uncomfortable.

And so they all, it still does, and and they all, they, they like everyone who was wanting to crown him leaves.

And it's just Jesus and and and the disciples now, and he's like, Cool, you guys gonna leave too?

You want to leave too?

And and Peter says, I don't know what to eat, my flesh, drink, my blood thing, man.

I don't really get it.

I don't know that I want to get it, but I I'll just say, Lord, where will we go?

You have the words of life.

In other words, it's been a weird few hours, Jesus.

You you turned, you know, fed 5,000, and then you totally vanished, and you didn't tell us, and we stood at the waterside waiting on you, and you didn't come.

And then we didn't know what to do.

You gave us no guidance, no communication, you didn't respond to our requests, so we didn't know what to do, and we start going, and frankly, I'm rethinking, why did I even put down my net and follow you in the first place?

I'm out on the water, and then the wind hits, and it's like, you know, I could deal with wind, but I can't deal with all this, and then I'm doing, and then you show up on the water and you help us get across, and then you have this weird conversation.

Two times I think you missed it.

They were trying to crown you before, you had an opportunity to redeem yourself in Capernaum, and you didn't.

You got worried, but you know what?

I don't know, I don't get it, but I'm gonna stay.

I'm gonna stay.

This journey doesn't make sense, but I'm believing that you're gonna bring it together so they stay.

And thank God they did because Jesus introduces water again in John 13.

Look at this.

It says Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything, and that he had come from God and would return to God.

By the way, that's a loaded verse.

Verse 3.

Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything.

The father gave him authority over everything.

The ability to walk on water, Jesus said, I could call down 10,000 angels to have my back right now if I wanted to.

I could scorch the earth if I wanted to, I could get even if I wanted to, but he didn't.

He had all of that power and submission and under control, and so therefore, God gave him the authority.

Why?

Because Jesus did not consider equality with God something to cling to.

He emptied himself of his divine rights.

He was so focused on he had the heart of God, and so God knew he could trust him with it, so he gave him authority over everything.

Jesus knew uh that he had come from God, he knew where he came from, and he knew where he would return to God.

So, with all of that confidence and all of that authority, look what he does, verse 4.

It says he got up from the table, he took off his robe, he wrapped a towel around his waist, he poured water into a basin.

And he began to wash the disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that he had around his waist.

Now I want you to, let's just you ever have those moments where you stop and reflect on your life and you start connecting the dots of your journey?

Your chapters.

You have Jesus in chapter two turns water into wine.

Pour the water into these basins, and I'll turn it into wine.

And he speeds up the whole fermentation process and everything, it's just boom, like does a miracle.

He walks on water in chapter six and shows his power.

And then in John 13, he takes water, he pours it in a basin, and he gets down at their feet and starts to wash their feet.

It's an awkwardly intimate connection.

When you think about washing feet in that day, it was an encounter with everything you've been through.

You walked the they walked through the town in sandals, and so the dirt from the town was on them, and the dung from the animals was on them, and they build up calluses, and their feet were sweaty, and some of them probably like you, they hadn't clipped their toenails in a while, and so there was some neglect, and it's an unsightly body part, and and it's the lowest job in the house, and so Jesus says, Don't get so caught up in the water and the wine and the walking on water that you miss this power.

And Jesus gets down at their feet and he starts to wash their journey off of their feet.

I'm gonna wash off your feet what you've walked through.

You've some dirt that you accumulated as you've walked through your life.

I'm gonna have an encounter with where you've been.

I'm gonna wash some of the crap that you've had to walk through.

I'm gonna I can handle the stench.

I can handle the stink.

I can come down here.

I know you've been sweating and working, I know you've got calluses built up, I know you've got all that.

I'm gonna come in in an almost an awkward intimacy.

He gets that close.

And what he's doing is he's teaching them his heart.

Because if you only care about what I care about or what I'm capable of, you won't be a candidate because you don't understand what I care about.

Often we want to access the power of God, all that he's capable of.

How do we crack the code?

How do we give him what he wants?

And it seems like Jesus embraced the foot washing with as much vigor as he did the walking on the water.

It wasn't like, well, I guess you know you gotta wash feet, you know, to eventually get to walk on water.

You put in your dues with the feet.

No, notice, he washes the feet in chapter 13, he walked on water in chapter 6.

This wasn't like a means to an end.

This was every bit as much a part of his mission as his power was his heart.

You have no idea what God is capable of and what he could do through you.

But if your obsession in your life is just trying to access what he's capable of at the expense of what he cares about, what he cares about, you miss the whole thing.

And what I've realized is the way that I ultimately become more like Jesus, not I'm not trying to, the walking on the water isn't the end destination.

The power of God is all connected to the purpose of God.

What is my job?

My job is to get so intertwined with Jesus, to catch his heart so well that I would just as soon wash feet as I would walk on water.

The only thing I care about having the power is so that I can use it the way he did.

See, Jesus, they tried to give him this crown, but this was the one he was after.

This is the one he was after.

This is the one he chose.

He wasn't interested in that.

They tried to give him that.

This is what he was capable of.

This is what he cares about.

I end with this.

I uh when I first started reading the Bible, I had a tendency to read a narrative in the Bible and latch on to a specific character.

So, like for example, when I read about David and Saul, Saul was the first king of Israel, he was pretty insecure, and eventually he kind of became corrupt, and and his heart was so far from God, he was disobedient to God, and so Saul is the he's the king.

But then God raises up David and says, I'm looking for a man after my own heart.

This guy is full of himself, and he's he's hard-hearted, and so he finds David, and David's out in the sheep field taking care of sheep, but he's got all the talent of a king inside of him, all the ability of a king, but he's out in the field in this obscure place, and he and more is happening in him than he even knows.

Like he just thinks he's taking care of the sheep, but he's beat fighting off lions and bears and and all this, right?

And and and ultimately then his moment, boom, comes to fruition, and now he's you got David.

And then you have Saul now who's really jealous, and Saul wants to kill David, and so he's throwing spears at him and he's attacking him.

So the first time I read that, you know, as a younger man, I read it and I was like, Yeah, I'm kind of like David, you know.

Kind of like David, you know, I'm like David.

And I got all these Sauls out here, you know, a bunch of haters, you know.

They've all got a bunch of spears, you know, and they they're jealous of me, you know.

I gotta just, I gotta, you know, and so I think I'm David, and I gotta be careful because David, if you're not careful, you get in the palace and Bathsheba's out there.

You gotta be careful of Bathsheba now, and if you're not gonna mess around and kill your ride, and you I know I'm speaking shorthand right now, go read your Bible, it's a good, great story.

But I would just identify with David, and I would think you were Saul and I was David.

And then over time, as I've matured in my deepening of how I read, I realize that I'm not David and you're not Saul.

I realize Saul and David are both inside of me, and that the Saul in me is trying to kill the David in me.

Saul wants to take over in me.

Saul wants it's not that you're jealous of me, or I'm it's that it's that there's jealousy inside of me, there's insecurity inside of me, there's disobedience inside of me, there's lies inside of me, and so I got some David and I got some Saul, and they're at war in me.

I'm all of it.

When I look at this and I think of the crowd and the disciples, sometimes I want to just identify with the disciples, but I'm the crowd and I'm the disciples.

I'm the crowd who often I just want what he's capable of, not what he cares about.

Just want him to show his power, to use me to do what I've already decided I want him to do.

And when he stops making sense, I leave.

I want to leave.

And I realize there's a there's both that are in me.

And what I want to do is continue to have the awareness of that and to consecrate my heart, to dedicate myself, to go, okay, Lord, I get, I don't know why you didn't do what I thought you.

I feel like we missed our moment here.

I feel like I'm standing here, it's getting darker, and you're not responding to what I'm walking through.

I feel like I'm out of the water and I can't figure out why you wouldn't let them crown you, but somehow you walk on water and you did this in private.

I don't understand to eat my flesh, drink my blood.

I thought we could have capitalized a second, we got a second time.

Nobody gets a second chance.

We got one, and then you didn't do it there.

I don't get, but Lord, I don't know.

You've got the words of life.

I can't even see John 13 yet, but I'm gonna follow, I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna keep following, I'm gonna keep following.

I got both in me.

I got both in me.

I can walk away like nobody's business, but I can follow if I need to.

So I pray, Lord, help me to not be the crowd.

Help me to be the disciple that follows you.

Help me to be the disciple that makes it all the way to John 13 to have the awkward, intimate moment where you're walk you're wiping the journey off my feet, and you're way closer to my calluses than I want you to be.

And I'm kind of worried that you're down there, and I'm like, it's gotta stink down there.

I just walked through some.

I get all the way to John 13, and in the process of recognizing what he cares about, I start by realizing what he cares about is me.

And I realize he cares about me.

And I realized that part of the reason why he didn't let me crown him the king that I thought I wanted him to be was because he loves me.

And for him to give me that would be to give me more of what's killing me, more of what's wrong for me, to take in the opposite direction of what he actually wants to do.

So in the journey, I learned to trust him when I don't get him, and I let him close to my feet, and I let him cleanse me and wash it off.

And then in that through that connection, it now fuels everything I do from here on out.

And now I don't really need to walk on water to impress anybody.

I'm not interested in being impressive, I'm interested in making an impact.

I'm becoming like Jesus.