How Should Christians Think About Sex?

Good morning.

Welcome, welcome to Freedom Church.

If I haven't had a chance to meet you yet, my name is Jason.

I get the privilege of being pastor here.

You picked a great weekend to be here with us.

Happy Memorial Day, by the way.

I know it's a big weekend.

Also, I know we had a lot of students graduate high school this last week.

Man, that's a big deal.

How awesome is that?

And so anyway, yeah, way to go to all of you.

Super proud of you.

And um I I want to welcome you, especially for this weekend.

We're in the we're coming to the end.

This is uh we have one more after this week, we have one more week in our family series.

And uh, we've been talking about honestly, it's been a very practical series.

I've had a lot of great feedback.

Has it been helpful for you?

Has this been a helpful series?

Has it been encouraging for you as you've navigated some of this stuff?

That's great.

We tried our best to just not like hide away, you know, actually address some of the harder things that we that we have to navigate in our families.

And so I'm I'm excited about this morning.

Today, we're gonna be talking all about sex.

Thank you.

I was hoping somebody laughed, you know, because there's a groovy.

See, some of you, when you hear the word sex in church, some of you are a little nervous, and some of you are are interested.

Others of you are regretting that your middle schoolers are here with you today.

Yeah, somebody's like, I sat next to my mom today, just tunnel vision, right now, just eyes locked here.

You don't even have to look at her, okay, the whole time.

Just listen to me, okay.

Listen, we get we get a lot of, we've learned a lot about sex.

We've we've we've heard, we've gotten an an education from probably a wide variety of sources.

I mean, I know I remember when I was a kid, my mom actually decided she was gonna have like a really straightforward, no nonsense talk about sex with me.

And and that wasn't awkward at all, you know.

It's your mom.

And so, and and she was like, You can ask me anything that you want to ask me.

And you know, and I was young, and so I thought I wanted to know the answers to all of my questions, and so I asked, and my mom answered all my questions.

And now, you know, looking back, you know, as I got older, I realized I didn't want to know all the all the answers to all my questions.

Like, mom, why did you answer that question?

I can't undo this now, you know.

Can't get this out of my brain.

We've got all kinds of sorts.

So it's it's like we some of us, unfortunately, it's like, and I'm my hands up with you, it's like uh early exposure to pornography that informs a lot of your beliefs around sex.

Uh, there's always that kid at school, right?

He's got like the confidence of a doctor, you know.

He's got the accuracy of like a farm animal with internet access.

It's just like, I don't even he didn't know anything, and I believed him, you know, for so long, you know.

We got all kinds of sources and and and things that we've we've come to believe.

And so for some of us, we've we've come to form like some really strong opinions around this topic of of sex.

And and I think I think if there's anything that we could talk about this morning around this this topic of sex, is I think I think it would be to say this.

I I think Jesus wants to reclaim his voice and his influence in your life around the topic of sex.

Whether you're single, whether you want to be married, or whether you are married, wherever you're at relationally, I think there's some things he wants to re-he wants to reclaim his influence in your life around around this topic.

And so we're we're gonna dive in.

By the way, you're gonna have to laugh today.

Otherwise, this is gonna be a really long 45 minutes.

Okay, I'm just so I'm gonna make some jokes.

You're allowed to laugh.

I know it's serious, but we're gonna have to laugh a little bit.

We've got to laugh at ourselves a little bit, okay, as we go through this.

But let's see if we can't allow Jesus the space to reclaim his influence in our lives around this topic of sex.

This is 1 Thessalonians 4, verse 3.

1 Thessalonians 4:3

It says, It's God's will that you should be sanctified.

Well, that's a Bible, that's some Bible language, sanctified.

Your Bible might say holy.

You're like, oh man, if that's what it is, you're like, I'm out, you know, and we're talking about sex.

I'm dev, I'm now, I'm definitely out.

You know, come on, I know some of y'all are thinking like that.

It's like, but that actually, actually, let me help you out.

To be sanctified, to be holy means this.

It means to be totally committed to something, to somebody.

So the Bible says, be holy, like I'm holy.

That's what God says.

So so be committed to God the way He's committed to you.

Be holy.

That's what that means.

So be sanctified.

So it still applies to you.

Okay, so keep going.

That you should avoid sexual immorality.

That's like a that's a the Greek word is pornea, it's like a catch-all word for sexual, for sexuality, it's a catch-all.

We're like, oh, is he talking about adultery?

Your Bible might say fornication.

It's like, let me help you out how these words work.

Adultery is a form of fornication, but fornication is a lot more than adultery.

And there's a lot more going on.

And so the Bible uses the in the Greek, it uses this word pornea, which is this sort of this catch-all.

We're like, well, I don't see, it doesn't say I can't have sex with my boyfriend or my girlfriend.

It's like, hold on a second.

The fact that you're even saying that out loud would just like boggle the mind of these people who are writing this right now.

It's a catch-all for for all of that.

Okay, so it says sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control uh your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust, like the pagans who do not know God.

And that last phrase ought to cue you into something.

Not in the way that the pagans think about it.

Meaning, there's a way that's culturally normal to think about sex, and then there's a way to think about sex inside the kingdom of God, inside the church.

There's actually a different way, a different perspective, a different starting point, even around the entire topic of sex.

And I think I'm gonna take you on a little bit of a journey this morning.

I'm gonna take you through.

I have kind of five points I'm gonna kind of pull out of this, and and they're not just all random and arbitrary.

I'm gonna take you on a little bit of a journey.

And I think we have to start in this spot right here.

I think we've got to start here, is that we gotta at least acknowledge we've been formed by the wrong voices.

Like we've we've been, we've allowed, we've allowed a lot of the wrong voices to get the say on our opinion, the final say on a lot of our like really strong opinions around the topic of sex.

What often happens is that it's like you go to church and you're like, oh, here we go.

It's just like I've heard all this before.

It's like sex is good, but don't do it.

You know, it's just like, no wonder we're so confused.

It's like, what do I don't understand how to do this?

We're and we we think we're gonna we know what we're gonna hear, the Bible, a Bible ethic around sex, and we and we kind of have like a modern, we feel like it's a modern take on it.

We're like, that's impossible, that's antiquated, that's not realistic in today's moment.

Do you know what first century church?

The gospel of Jesus goes to the Gentiles, primarily the Romans.

It goes in like all of Rome there.

And in Rome, they're not, I mean, they they're not familiar with Old Testament, they're not Jews, they were, they were, they're Gentiles, they're like us.

They're just like Jesus who's came back from the dead, tell me more.

I'm intrigued, right?

This is who they were, and and but you know, they were taken back by two things.

They could not believe that early Christians, like early church, they're like, Man, these people are generous.

That would took them back.

They're like, these people are selling land, these things are alike, these people are giving, these people treat money like it's just a tool, like and it grows on trees, like they just couldn't believe how generous these people were.

The second one is they go, these people like they really like hold sex in like high esteem.

They couldn't believe it.

Wait, one person inside of marriage whole life?

They're like, this is crazy.

So you think that it's a modern idea.

The Bible ethic is crazy.

But people have been saying that for 2,000 years.

People have been saying that for 2,000 years.

The Bible ethic is crazy.

It sounds unrealistic.

There's there's let me let me run through just briefly, sort of like some like starting points, some some cultural lies that a lot of us have bought into just kind of unknowingly.

We just sort of, again, we just sort of subscribe to some of these ideas, they're lies, but we subscribe to them without even thinking because they seem right.

They they seem right.

One is this idea that sex is just an appetite.

It's like, oh, just just an appetite.

I, you know, some people got a bigger appetite than other people, you know, but it's just an it's just an appetite, you know.

And after all, I'm a man, after all.

Like we just we have all of our little phrases we like to, we like to add to that, because it's just an appetite.

But I let's be honest, okay?

Nobody, nobody felt like their soul was connected to another human being because they had lunch together.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, satisfied an appetite.

It's like, hold on a second.

We're denying reality here when we just reduce sex down to an appetite.

By the way, if you're a man, let me just say this: you are more than your appetite.

You need to hear that.

Okay, how about this one?

Uh, and this is what uh people usually expect the church's position to be around sex, and it's like, sex is dirty, it's just dirty, it's the necessary evil.

Some of you are slightly offended that I've already said the word sex no less than half a dozen times already.

I guess it's ridiculous.

We should have gone to the other church.

But we gotta we gotta reconcile this that got first of all, God made your body, God made male and female, God made one flesh union.

Oh, and he did it all before sex was or before sin was introduced.

He did it all before that.

Okay, so it's not just an appetite, it's it's it's not something that's int that's supposed to be dirty.

Here's another popular one.

Sex is who you are.

In fact, this is oftentimes like a legitimate resistance that I will get around the topic of sex, and it's like, who do you think you are to try to speak to me about my sex life?

Who do you who do you think what gives you the right to speak into something that is so deeply personal to who I am?

And and and it's different for everybody.

And so how how is it that you feel like you have the the the the influence or the right to say anything of any certainty about me or the person sitting next to me?

Sex is who you are, but uh, but see, that's built on a on a on an idea that says that that sex is primarily a self-expression of who you are, but it's not.

That's not a Bible.

I'm just I'm gonna give you a Bible vision for sex.

Bible says it's not primarily a mode for self-expression, it's a mode for self-giving love.

Again, it's a very different, it's a very different perspective.

Now, especially when I talk to younger people, you get around the topic of sex, usually it goes something like, okay, I get it.

I forgot the Greek words, I don't even care.

What is that?

Just tell me what the rules are.

Actually, let me clarify.

Tell me what I can't do, but definitely tell me what I can do.

Come on, that's what that's what we want to know.

What are the rules?

Listen, there's a better question to ask than what are the rules, all right?

So let's let's let's do this.

Let's ask a better question.

How about this?

What was sex made for in the first place?

Like, well, let's get the starting point correct so we can get the trajectory of where we're going lined up.

All right.

Here, this is 1 Corinthians 6, verse 18.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Paul's writing this.

Look what he says.

He says, flee from sexual immorality.

Ooh, there's that same word again.

All of the sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you've received from God?

Let's go to the beginning of the Bible.

This is Genesis 1 27.

So God made mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them.

Male and female, he created them.

God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it.

Go to the next chapter, verse 24, chapter 2.

This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, that they become one flesh.

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

There's this idea that somehow the culture is the one that gets to be the realest around sex, and that all the prudes can go to church and dance around the topic.

Go on, that's a that's a that's a common misconception around.

But I you need to understand this sex was made by God, it was not invented by the culture.

Let me have a let me be really honest with you for a moment here.

I I this topic, this message has been on our teaching calendar for months.

In fact, I knew that we were gonna do this family series, and then I was gonna teach on sex, and I knew that back in 2025.

Like we've this has been on the calendar, we knew this was coming.

And and I thought to myself, I thought, you know what?

I can't, this is gonna be great.

That's gonna be a great weekend.

We're all gonna get realigned, set free.

Thank you, Jesus.

It's gonna be good.

And it's just gonna like flow out of me.

Like, I'm just gonna write this message, it's gonna be good.

And so a few weeks ago, I was like, you know, I'm I need I like to get ahead a little bit.

And so I'm like, I'm like, okay, let me serve.

Right?

I'm like, I usually when I write, I usually like collect a lot of things, and then I process stuff out and I take a lot of notes, and then usually that last week, I put it all together and I put it back, I put it in order.

So that's usually how my brain works.

And so, and so this this last week, I've I've been last two weeks, three, three weeks, I've been writing stuff and saving stuff.

And then my friend Sam, he's like, Hey man, how's the message coming along?

And I was like, Man, I'm sweating right now, it's not going good.

I was like, I just thought, I just thought that this would all just sort of come together.

I just thought, I thought it was easy.

I thought this was an easy topic.

And it's just like, oh my goodness.

And then it hit me.

I thought, how appropriate is that?

Come on, how many of how many of us have started out on the topic of sex with that exact same mindset?

You know, I just thought it would be easier, I just thought it would all come together.

I thought I didn't think that there's gonna be any issues here, I just I didn't realize it was this complex.

Good news, it did come together.

Okay, that's good.

It's good news for your sex life.

Okay, it can come together.

All right, so here we go.

Difficulty.

Why?

Because it's a lot more nuanced.

There's a lot more going on than just biology, right?

There's way more happening here.

Let me cue you in on some of them.

One, it's a it's a it's a Bible idea that sex is embodied.

It's embodied.

What does that mean?

What do I mean by that?

I I mean I mean that you can't separate your physical self from your spiritual self, your emotional self from your psychological self.

You're one person, like, and sex is embodied.

It isn't just like that.

You get to compartmentalize a part of your life and pretend like that's separate from from who you're being formed into.

It doesn't work that way.

It's it's embodied.

And and oftentimes what happens in, and by the way, I'm not today, we're not just talking about like, well, here's all the the Christians got it right, and all the non-Christians don't.

Let's get it.

That's not what we're talking about here.

Come on, a lot of us, we grew up in church and we still got bad educations around sex.

We still don't got the right perspective on it.

So I'm I'm just telling you, it's embodied.

There's this idea that somehow our bodies are just sort of like, you know, these like temporary things that can be used and abused.

And it's not that's not a Christian way to think about your body.

I mean, think about think about this.

Jesus died for your body, he fills your body with the Holy Spirit, and he says that he's actually going to come back one day and resurrect your dead body.

I'm just saying, it's it's all it's all of you.

How about this?

Sex is covenant, it's covenantal.

And I know we kind of get away with we kind of get away from from some of this, but it's like we we think that somehow we can we can commit ourselves completely, entirely, exclusively to someone else outside of covenant.

You can't.

You can't.

You just you just leave the back door open.

You're just kind of like, I'm I'm almost I'm almost entirely connected to you.

Do you know why?

Because sex is also unifying.

What do I mean by that?

It's unifying, it's not just a biology moment.

That's it's it's way more than that.

It's actually a unifying act that's intended to represent a unified life.

And I'm talking about unified, I'm not just talking about unified physically, yes, but unified emotionally and spiritually, financially, legally.

You gotta there is nothing.

That's why you have that's why you're naked.

Why?

Because there's no barrier, because there's nothing that separates you, you don't have the walls up, you're emotionally open, you're connected.

I'm just telling you, we think that it's just some sort of like byproduct of being a human being, and it's like, oh no, no, no, no.

It points to Jesus.

I'm just telling you, it's a signpost.

It's like sex is actually meant to point you to something far greater.

Have you haven't you noticed that that that when you have sex, like you're satisfied for a moment, but then come on, you want more?

Right?

Why?

Because there is no one person, or however many people, that can bring you the kind of satisfaction that your soul is craving, and it's pointing you to a person, a person who's only capable, one earth who's capable of actually doing that for you.

His name is Jesus, and we live in a cultural moment that says here's this signpost called sex pointing you to a destination, and we got ourselves convinced that the signpost is actually greater than the destination.

Listen, sex was not created in a gutter, it was created in a garden.

And long before there was shame, and long before there was pain, and long before there was regret, long before all of that, there were two people naked in a garden and God put them together.

I just tell you, you think I got five kids because I love kids?

Yeah, I love my kids, but I love my wife.

And I'm just telling you, that the idea that you go to God to make it holy, but you go to culture to make it fun is a lie straight from the pit of hell.

It will lead you to places you never thought you would be.

You gotta get you, we gotta get a hold of a of a of a higher vision.

Higher vision.

First Thessalonians, go back to that verse, verse four.

We read some of this, but it's worth reading again.

Each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans who don't know God, and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.

You know, one of the things that that we tend to overlook is how sin like really affects us.

And I and I'm and I a lot of times we think of sin as just sort of like I I did something wrong, I need to be forgiven for what I did, or I didn't sin, I'm winning.

Right?

And then they sort of like we just sort of think of sin as just like I'm either in the bucket or I'm out of the bucket.

I'm either doing that or I'm not doing that.

And we just sort of think about it like that.

And I I think for a lot of us, we need to reorient our ideas around what it is that Jesus actually saves us from and like the the impact of of sin.

Sin is is a lot less than like the meal that you eat, and it's more like the poison in the meal.

Because the dinner table can be set and it can look amazing, and it can be great food, and yet it can be poison.

And see, that's what sin does.

Sin gets into the good things.

Well, sin makes what's really good something that can actually eventually kill you.

And then we'll we can do those things.

We can eat that table, we can eat the food for off that table without even realizing what it's actually and ultimately gonna do to us.

And that, oh, by the way, that also goes for our desires.

Because I think sometimes we live in a culture where just like your desires are well, they're everything.

But but you gotta understand like what what desires, like what sin does to our desires.

It twists it up a little.

In fact, here's what I just say desire is good, but it's a terrible God.

Stay stay with me on this.

Desire is good, but it's a terrible God.

Why?

Because because it's it's something that needs to be it's something that needs to be probably realigned in us.

Our desires.

Sin has this way of twisting and polluting and poisoning, and that includes our desires.

Let me give you some examples here of what this looks like and kind of how this how this kind of interplays with our life a little bit.

How about this?

This is one where sin has sort of polluted our desires, and it's this it's sex without a covenant.

The idea that we can give our bodies away and protect our hearts at the same time.

And it doesn't work that way.

It just doesn't work that way.

Why?

Because you're not you're you're not as you can't separate your body and like you're you're a whole person.

It doesn't work this way.

You you can't actually like you can do that, but here's what you're doing.

You're forgetting when you have sex without a covenant, you're deciding that sex is actually not about Jesus, it's actually about you.

And you go, Jesus, you can get all these other areas of my life, but you can't have this one.

I think that this one actually is a statement about my desires and not really a statement that's like an act that's actually ultimately meant to minister to you and point me to you.

Like we go, that's not yours, Jesus.

I'm gonna take that for myself.

That's that's sex without a covenant.

How about this one?

This is this is going to hit against some stuff.

For the 10 of you that have read a marriage book in your life, this is gonna hit on something, okay?

So, but I'm just gonna preach the Bible to you.

Okay, this is the Bible.

Sex, how about this?

It pollutes this.

When we start seeing sex as entitlement, well, this is my right.

I'd say that this is for me.

I'm supposed to not, this is what the Bible says.

It's like, okay, you're we're there, there's a misreading there.

Sex is entitlement.

Listen, in marriage, sex is not a prize that you earn.

Sex is not is not something that that someone owes you.

It's not a pressure valve that someone else is required to manage for you.

It's actually a gift that's intended for married couples to enjoy.

But listen to me, like every every other area of marriage, it requires self-giving love.

It requires you to give yourself away.

How about this one?

This is a big one right here.

Sex as performance.

Man, this is this is tough.

Sex as performance.

I mean, because we live in a moment where it's just like the the pressure, the comparison, the insecurity.

I mean, how about just porn-shaped expectations?

And I we have this idea, and I and I don't I mean, and it's not just out of the church, it's in the church oftentimes.

It's like, well, as long as I get married, I can keep all my porn-shaped expectations, but now I'm married, so now I got an outlet for that.

It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on a second.

The starting point is off.

That's not a Bible vision.

Okay, how about this one?

Sex as identity.

This is popular.

Like, this is a state, like what you desire is a statement about the deepest parts of who you are.

Desires are real.

No one's denying that.

They're real, but it is, but they they're not Lord.

There's a difference.

You can have desires, but that doesn't mean they get the real estate of your life to define you.

Only Jesus gets to define you.

And when you have desires that are contrary to the way of Jesus, the Bible is not trying to shame your desires, it's trying to shepherd your desires.

It's trying to hate, hold on a second.

I know you think that there's grass and food and water and life that way, but there's not.

It's this way.

It's this way.

It's what you're really looking for is this direction over here, like a shepherd.

That's what it is.

What's that look like?

Because is this a marriage?

Is this a marriage message?

What are we talking about?

Is this where you just make everybody feel bad today?

What are you doing to us around the topic of sex?

Listen, if you're single, here's what it means for you if you're single.

It means that your singleness is a real way for you to live faithfully with God.

That's what it means.

Like you're not, you're not like waiting to graduate to like real maturity and real Christianity when you one day when you get married.

No, no, no, no.

Singleness is a real way to live before God.

For those of you that want to be married, it means this.

You need to ask yourself a different question.

Am I asking and expecting marriage to carry a weight in my life that it's actually not designed to carry?

Well, I think we all got to admit my hands up with you.

I've been married for a few years.

It's like I I went into my marriage expecting it to carry some weight that it wasn't designed to carry.

I think a lot of us do that.

We we do that a lot.

Why?

We we find out real quick because you either either your spouse lets you down or you let your spouse down.

Welcome.

That's not meant to make you feel bad.

It's meant to go, oh, I need to realign.

I need to, I need to check.

Like, well, hold on a second.

Well, what where did I get off course here?

I think my starting point was how about this one for married people?

Now, this happens all the time.

You start talking about sex with a bunch of married people, especially if they've been married for a little bit, they're like, okay, Pastor, is there a number we should be aiming for each week?

Yeah, people ask, you know, and it's like, but here's the thing.

If I give you a number, you don't know if I am yet or not either.

So hang on the edge of your seat.

If I give you a number, all you there's gonna be half of you in the room, you're gonna be like, Whoo, feel bad for Pastor, because we're killing it.

That's how you got you, all your pride is gonna be welling up, you know.

And then there's gonna be the rest of you.

We're some of you can be all depressed.

You'll be like, What in the world?

You feel bad?

She's gonna be like, I told you to get your tea checked.

It's like, come on, that's real life right there.

Every man or more like, yeah, I gotta get that tea checked, you know.

That's real.

And then if I give you a number, there's gonna be some couple, you're gonna get in your car today, you're gonna instantly be arguing right away.

So I'm not even gonna go there.

I don't mind give you a number, okay?

You gotta figure that out on your own, all right.

You know why?

Because because quantity of sex in a in a given week can tell you something, but that is a that is a completely invalid way to measure the health of your sex life.

That's not valid.

There's actually better, there's better questions to ask.

There's better, there's better questions to answer.

Things like, well, hold on, hold on, is there actually safety in my marriage?

Or are there some topics, maybe sex, where we just know, we just don't bring it up.

We just don't talk about that.

It's like, is there is there affection?

Is there honesty?

Mutuality?

That's a big word right there.

That's a big word.

Do we do we go into our marriage going, you're here for me?

Do we is there like an exchange expectation within?

Is it a contract or is it a covenant?

Like these are real questions.

Is there actual mutuality out of the bedroom and in the bedroom?

Tenderness, repentance, that's a novel thought.

Is that a regular part of your marriage?

Patience, joy, self-giving love?

See, these are better questions to ask than are we getting enough this week?

I'm just saying some better, some better, there's some better questions.

Okay, if that's it, if that's true, then where does that leave us?

That doesn't leave us with shame.

That that doesn't leave us with despair.

It doesn't even leave us with I just gotta try harder.

If that's all true, you know what it leaves?

It leaves us with Jesus.

This is what it leaves us with.

This is 1 Corinthians chapter 6.

1 Corinthians 6 · chapter mention

Verse 9 and 11, 9 through 11.

Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God?

Do not be deceived.

Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who have sex with men, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanders, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God?

And that is what some of you were, but you were washed.

You were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

You know, one of the ways that that's popular for this teaching, this part of Scripture to get taught is that if you love to like break it down to like today, we're gonna talk about the idolaters and the adulterers.

You start breaking it all down.

It's just like, and and and I and I get where people are coming from, but can I just tell you it's not meant to be read word in separated from the rest of the sentence?

It's actually meant to be read together.

That these are all of these people are in a community together.

I want you to think about this.

Don't don't gloss over this.

Why does he feel compelled to even say this?

Really?

Why why does he even feel compelled to say this?

Could it be that he's talking to a church full of people who like you and me, who who have a had a had a way that we thought was normal and acceptable, like completely normalized, living their life.

And then they go, man, what's this?

What's this what's this that we heard about Jesus?

Some God came back from the dead, and our sins are forgiven.

And and what and what what is this?

And they go, okay, I'm in.

And could it be that all of those people are together and they're in this place and they're new people and they're learning that, oh man, there's a new way to live your life in Jesus.

And wow, that's radically different than my old way of life.

But it could it could it be that they forget that from time to time?

And so they find themselves still subscribing and still adopting this their their old way of life.

And Paul, in this moment, he's going, hey, by the way, the swindlers and the adulterers and the men who have sex with men and everybody else, all the sexual immorality.

Hey, by the way, I gotta remind you that's who you were.

But that's not who you are.

Because he's washed you.

And I think I think they need to be reminded.

I think you need to be reminded.

I think we all need to be reminded.

And and it's not to go boom, drop that hammer down.

How dare you think like that?

How dare you desire.

No, no, no.

He's going, here's the reminder.

Jesus makes us whole.

That's his reminder.

Jesus makes us whole.

What does he do?

He forgives sexual sin.

He removes our shame.

He he actually can restore honor back to your body.

Oh, yeah, you don't understand.

No, but Jesus does, and he actually restores honor back to your body.

He he reorders your desires.

That's a big one.

It's like, yeah, but but if you knew what I actually like, no, no, no, hold on.

He reorders your desires.

He he gives you his Holy Spirit.

Which means for you and me, it means your body's not trash, your body's not a toy, your body's not a product, your body is a place in which the Holy Spirit lives.

So what what do we do with that?

What do we do with that?

This week.

Like, how do we how do we practically live this out in our life?

If there's a this is a this is a way to think about sex that that is very likely radically different than what we've been taught most of our lives, or even just caught most of our lives.

So, how do we begin to live differently?

This is 1 Corinthians 6 verse 20.

1 Corinthians 6:20

We already read part of this.

He says, You are bought at a price, therefore, honor God with your bodies.

Here's the last the final point here.

Honor God with the body Jesus bought.

Honor God with the body Jesus bought.

I'm saying this this way on purpose because I want you to hear.

Yes, honor body, honor God with your body that Jesus bought.

Honor God with the other person's body that Jesus bought.

Honor God with the body Jesus bought.

We got to start thinking differently about sex.

In fact, this is gonna be one of my challenges to you this week.

We gotta start thinking differently because some of us, this is there's some of you in here, you're just like, I'm loving this pastor.

This is so validating.

You're like, I don't understand why everybody's so quiet.

I just want to be like, yay! And then there's others of you, you're just like, this guy's an idiot.

That's what you're thinking.

That's actually my line.

You're like, okay, so Bethany likes to quote me to me.

Welcome to being the pastor.

What the heck?

She likes to quote me to me, and I'm my response, like, that guy's an idiot.

Anyway, that's just that's just what that's what we say.

Some of you are like, I completely agree.

You're you're an idiot.

I don't agree with this.

You got some strong opinions.

Here's my challenge to you.

Hold on a second.

Where did you learn those things that you believe so strongly about sex?

And I think that's a question we have to ask ourselves.

Maybe this week, when the topic comes back around, it's like, hold on a second, I got some strong feelings and some strong beliefs about where did I learn what I believe about sex?

Hear me out.

You cannot live Jesus' way with sex and hang on to the culture's beliefs about sex.

Don't miss this.

You will move toward that which you believe.

If you think you can hang on to the culture's beliefs about sex, I'm just telling you, that is diametrically opposed from Jesus' way with sex.

It doesn't work that way.

So here we go.

Let's get really practical for a minute, okay?

Let's get really practical.

Let's talk to the singles in the room.

By the way, this is we're talking about how to think.

This isn't techniques, this isn't 10 steps toward earth-shattering sex.

That's not what we're talking about, okay?

So your kids are safe, all right?

All right, this isn't gonna be gross.

I saw the faces, these couple you just made at me.

You're like, what are you about to say, Pastor?

It'll be good, okay?

Get your notebooks out.

All right, here we go.

This is for the single people.

Practice holy desire.

Practice holy desire.

That sounds a little bit churchy.

Holy desire.

What is this?

What is this?

What does this mean?

I'm not talking about like shame-based abstinence.

It's like, oh no, I know I'll get it, Pastor.

Just like cover your eyes everywhere you go.

You're just like, oh my god, somebody cover her up.

This is too much.

You know, you just I'm not talking about that.

I'm not talking about like white knuckle purity.

Oh, I'm just trying to hang on, Pastor.

Everything I got, you know, eyes on the Lord.

I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about holy desire, meaning, meaning your desires, they tell you something.

It's a signpost, it's pointing you to somebody.

So let me give you some practical stuff.

You ready?

Here it is.

Don't build a dating relationship on sexual tension.

I know it's fun for a little bit.

It's fun for a while.

But that, but you don't build a you don't build a life on sexual tension.

That that will eventually run out.

That's fleeting.

Here we go.

Here's another one.

Don't give marriage level access to someone who's not made marriage-level commitment.

But we don't need a piece of paper to tell us how much we're love and are committed to one another.

Yes, you do.

Yes, you do.

You know why?

Let me let me help you out.

When we for some reason, we have this idea that when we read the Bible, that these that these Bible writers are somehow blushing every time the topic of sex comes up.

It's like, did you read it?

Well, mom, dad, what's this one flesh?

Oh, that's a cute little Bible euphemism for intercourse, but they didn't want to say that.

Wrong?

It ain't a biology.

You know what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6, he says, Don't have sex with a prostitute because don't you know that you become one flesh with her?

He knows grammar.

He's not going, don't have sex with a prostitute, because don't you know that you have sex with a prostitute?

That makes no sense.

He's saying, one flesh.

Why?

It's way more than that.

It's way deeper than that.

It's it means this.

It means the idea that you can give yourself away entirely and exclusively and permanently to another person without a covenant, without some, without somebody covenanting themselves to you does not accurately represent Jesus' love for you.

And your sex life is intended to represent just that.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.

I'm trying to pastor you.

I'm trying to pastor my flock.

I'm serious.

I'm not playing right now.

I'm as serious as I can be.

I'm trying to help you.

I'm trying to point that there's a direction that leads to life.

And I'm talking about the greatest level of satisfaction and fulfillment you could possibly imagine, but it's not the way you've been told.

It's Jesus' way.

Get a hold of it.

Here's another one.

I know it's not popular.

Let some trusted voices speak into your life.

I'm talking to single people.

This goes for everybody, but specifically talking to single people.

Let some trusted people speak into your dating life.

Listen, stop coming to your pastor and your leaders and your and your small group leader and your serve team leader and going, hey, by the way, made a life-altering decision.

We decided we're gonna go.

Sorry, wait, with who?

We never even met that.

Who?

The Bible says there's safety.

Listen to that.

Not not it doesn't say wisdom, it says safety in a multitude of counselors.

Let some people speak into your life.

I mean, as a married person, and you go through something, you go through a hard season, especially around the topic of sex, and you actually get vulnerable enough to actually go to somebody who's farther along in their in their marriage than you are, and you actually are vulnerable enough to have that conversation, and they go, hey, you know what?

We struggle with that same thing for so many years.

And then you go, wait, but not anymore.

You're like, Yeah, not anymore.

So if I keep going, you mean there's a light at the end of this tunnel?

That's right, it's not permanent.

I'm just telling you, you're gonna start normalizing some of this.

Allow some some people to speak into your dating life.

Sexual restraint, by the way, because I know a lot of us we hear this, we're like, you don't understand.

I got needs.

Sexual restraint is not wasted desire, it's your desires submitted to Jesus.

Your desires are not independent of your formation in Jesus.

It's all of it, it's whole life.

It's whole life.

All right, how about those who want to be married?

Here you go, you want to be married.

Don't let longing become Lord.

Don't let your desire to be married become the thing that overshadows everything else going on in your life.

Listen, be honest with God.

We're not sitting here going, you want to be married, you got to pretend like you don't.

No, that's silly.

Just be honest.

Be honest with God.

But but here's the thing: don't settle for someone who can't follow Jesus with you.

Listen, I I know for a lot of us in our community, even in our church right now, there's there's many of you, you're sitting here with me.

You you're married to somebody who's not a believer.

You got married when you neither one of you was following Jesus, and now one of you is passionate about following Jesus and the other's not.

I get it.

We're not that's a that's a different sermon.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about people who are not married, but you want to be married.

I'm just telling you, like, the Bible's really quick.

Like, don't do it.

Why?

Because the point of sex is not your self-satisfaction and your fulfillment in your life.

It's that your sex life is actually a witness to the living Jesus Christ.

And when you do it outside a covenant with somebody who's not actually interested in pointing you to Jesus, you're bastardizing sex and making it something it was never intended to be.

Okay, okay.

We gotta laugh.

It's too serious now.

Okay.

Don't idolize marriage.

Don't idolize marriage.

Well, my hand's up with you.

I think most of us who get married, we we have unrealistic expectations for what marriage is gonna do for us.

I'm gonna be happy, it's gonna be wonderful, and and and it's just gonna be like, you know, fill in the blank.

It's gonna be like this.

And then you get into it not very long, usually, and you're like, either you let them down or they let you down, and you find out real quick.

You go, wait a second, this isn't exactly how I thought it was gonna be.

You want to be married, don't idolize marriage.

Don't do it.

You're buying into a lie about what it's gonna do for you, and it's not gonna do that for you.

But don't avoid it either.

Don't avoid it out of fear.

We got this like cultural moment right now where it's just like we look at sex like we go to the supermarket.

It's like, well, I'm looking really for like a nine to ten.

That's really you're really more like a seven to eight.

So I'm just not really sure.

And it's just like, I'm really looking for somebody who's got like this kind of career aspiration, is it making at least this much money?

And that's not you're you're you're almost there, but not quite, so maybe call me in a year.

And it's just like we have this like very consumeristic idea around marriage.

Don't idolize it, but don't be afraid of it either.

Get some realign, re-reorient.

The same Jesus who's enough for you when you're not married, is still gonna have to be enough for you when you do get married.

And if you think that's different, that just cues you in.

You have some unrealistic expectations for what marriage is gonna do for you.

All right, let's talk to the married people in the room for a minute.

Build the kind of marriage where sex can flourish.

Build the kind of marriage where sex can flourish.

So it means that stop reducing sex to a frequency problem.

Just a free I'm not saying these are not things that you address.

I'm just Saying they're far more derivative of the health of our marriage than we give them credit for.

Okay, don't don't do that.

How about this one?

This is gonna really for the 10 of you that read the marriage books, this is gonna throw, I'm gonna throw a wrench in it for you.

You ready?

Here it is.

Stop using the the men need sex and the women need it affection.

It's just it's a it's a lazy script.

It is, it's a lazy script.

That might be true.

Sometimes that might be true.

But I'm just telling you, you make you like, oh, this is us talk for the men, and the women just get to listen today.

Uh-uh.

No, no, no, it's mutuality.

There is no reference in the Bible where you're gonna run across where it's just like, oh, sex for the man and wife, make sure you that doesn't exist.

He talks about them both, the exact same, with the same, with the exact same stuff.

We need to, again, we we have some, we've been, we've been we've been informed improperly.

How about this one?

This is gonna sound, I don't mean this to sound harsh.

I mean, I mean this, I mean this with all sincerity.

You gotta deal with your stuff.

You gotta deal with your stuff.

What do I mean by that?

I mean some resentment.

Someone's got some resentment that are get that's getting in the way of our our sex life, especially I'm talking about married people here.

Um, exhaustion.

Come on, I'm as I get a little older, you know what I realize?

I got five kids, you know what I realize?

It's a lot less about, it's a lot less about like time management.

Can I fit this into my schedule?

It's like I could, but I got some energy to manage.

Come on, it's energy management the older you get.

You gotta deal with you got to deal with your stuff.

Exhaustion, trauma.

That's how I get it.

I mean, I that's a I'm not minimizing that.

But but we we live in this moment where you're like bonus points for knowing you have trauma and being willing to talk about your trauma.

And that's a great starting point.

But but there's but there is no point for that.

Knowing about it is not the same as as moving through it and actually getting healed from it.

Like you gotta you gotta deal with it now.

Avoidance, porn, body shame, emotional distance, these are all things we gotta deal with.

Here's another principle practice mutuality in every area of your marriage, including the bedroom.

Great sex doesn't happen because two people are married.

Come on, all the married people are like, yep, you got that right.

We figured that out real quick.

It don't happen because you got married.

Great sex grows where two people keep practicing honesty and affection and repentance and patience and self-giving love.

That's the kind of environment that sex can get better in.

All right, here you go.

Because we got some parents a little cue.

Next week we're gonna talk about parenting.

So if we're talking about sex, come on, all the parents in the room.

I got a little something for you.

So here you go, here it is.

Form your kids before the world does.

What does that mean?

It means start, you're gonna have to start earlier than you're probably comfortable starting.

Start having some conversations.

Teach, teach the goodness of the body.

That's probably not a lot of our education around sex, especially not from a Bible perspective.

It's just like, no, the goodness of the body.

That your body's not something you're just supposed to be ashamed of.

Like it's like God made it, it's good.

Like these are things that are going on with your body.

You don't have to hide from that.

That's exactly what they did in the garden.

You don't gotta hide from that.

You can practice modesty and privacy without feeling ashamed.

Like you could do that.

Don't wait for the one big awkward talk.

Keep the door open.

But can I just tell you, I feel like I've done a pretty good job talking to my kids about this topic.

Do you know what I've already learned?

I've already learned you ain't gonna remember everything.

You're gonna miss some stuff.

There's gonna be some things you're like, oh, I should have said that and I didn't.

You don't want to know what that's gonna happen to you.

You know what you need?

You want you want the kind of dynamic with your kids where when they do go out and they see something, they hear something, they experience something, you want them to, you don't want them to hide from you, you want them to come to you.

Start now.

If you don't start taking some initiative to form your kids around sexuality, I'm just gonna tell you, somebody else is gonna do it.

Somebody else will do it.

And and I can almost guarantee you that they are not gonna love your kids.

It's unlikely, it's unlikely that they're gonna even know your kids, and it's highly unlikely they're gonna subscribe to Jesus' vision of sex for your kids.

Let's wrap up with this.

Some of y'all need to hear this next line right here.

You ready?

Right there.

There you go.

You write that down, you just go on your merry way today.

Sex is not everything.

Jesus is.

And that may sound a little bit disappointing in a culture that's made sex a God, but you need to get a hold of this.

If sex is everything, then it means that the single person in the room is just incomplete.

Your life's not full yet.

If sex is everything, then it means that those who are married and you're struggling with this in your life right now, it means you're doomed.

You're doomed.

If sex is everything, then it means that your past actually does define you.

If sex is everything, then it means that your desires, whether they align with Jesus or not, they get the final word, truest thing about you.

If sex is everything.

But sex is not everything.

Jesus is.

And because Jesus is everything, it means this your body can be honored, your past can be forgiven, your shame can be washed, your desires can be discipled, your marriage can keep growing.

There's actually in singleness, there's actually dignity in your singleness.

It means your kids can receive some clarity instead of confusion.

It means your future doesn't have to be determined by the things that you've done or the things that have been done to you.

Because sex isn't everything.

Jesus is.

Paul says it this way that is what some of you were.

All that sexual brokenness, all the brokenness around your sexuality, from your desires to your experiences to the things you've seen, heard, things that have happened to you, the things you regret, all of it.

All he says, that's what you were, but you've been washed.

That's the gospel.

That's the gospel.

Not anymore.

Not anymore.

Let's pray.

Jesus, we need your help with this.

We need your help with this.

I can just I can almost sense the tension in the room.

I can tell there's so there's there's some of you right now, you're you're wrestling with this in a way that nobody actually even knows about.

There's some of you wrestling in a way.

People don't even know how you wrestle with this right now.

It's I believe this.

I believe that this morning, this afternoon, that Jesus, by way of his Holy Spirit, wants to speak to you in your very specific place of your life right now.

This isn't just some blanket statement about do these three steps, and sex will be good.

This is how you avoid it, this is how you do it, make this how you honor Jesus.

No, no, no, no.

It's not He's got something He wants to say to you right now.

Married, single, you want to be married, you're about to be married, whatever that means.

He's got something He wants to say to you right now, in your specific season of life, based on your experiences and the things that you've seen, heard, and done and done, all the all of that stuff.

So we just invite you, would you speak to us?

My challenge to all of you this week is to go to ask that question when you start are confronted with some ideas around sex, to go, hold on a second, where did I learn this?

Where did I learn this?

All of it is intended to point you to Jesus.

All of it.

If you've never committed your life to Jesus, I want to give you that opportunity to do that here this morning.

He died for your sins, he rose again, he was resurrected, and there's hope in that.

It means that your life, not just one day, one day you will die, and it's not it's hopeful because you you'll be resurrected later on.

But but it means that there's parts of your life right now that can be resurrected.

It means that too.

If you've never committed your life to Jesus, just make this prayer your own.

Jesus, we give you our lives.

I give you my life.

I believe you died for my sins, you rose again.

I may not even understand all of that, but I but I do believe that you died for me and that you came back from the dead.

And I commit my life to you to follow you, save me.

Thank you for saving me.

I'm committed to you for the rest of my life.

And it's in Jesus' name we pray.

Everybody said, Amen.