Lord How Much More Can I Handle | Tracie Patten Sermon | One Church Columbus

Hi there! Thank you for coming today.

Welcome to OneChurch if this is your first time here.

I am so pumped to be here.

I love this place.

It's such a special place.

And let me tell you, I am grateful that you came, even though you knew our lead pastor is out for the day.

And I'm also so grateful for the humongous hearts of our pastors, Greg and Shaylin Ford.

They're amazing.

They're amazing.

As Greg mentioned, I've known them for over a decade, and I have witnessed these two people pour their heart and soul into so many decisions with care and concern and discernment and prayer and intention.

I mean, they're looking after people and processes and the building and finances and you name it, and probably so much more that we don't even know about.

So I am grateful for our pastors, and I'm so glad that they're getting rejuvenated here.

But Ford family, we need you back here next week.

So we'll see you back.

So my name is Tracy, as mentioned, and I am described by my friends as a glass half-full girl.

I find the good in people, I want the best for people, and my college nickname was Mary Sunshine.

So one of the negative repercussions of this uh wiring is that I avoid conflict.

I don't want to talk about problems, I don't want to talk about issues, I want to hit the easy button on life and just get the easy life track.

Is anyone else out there with me in this wiring?

So we go to the Bible whenever we are trying to navigate life for examples on what to do.

And this very sunshine is here to tell you that there are zero examples of problem-free living in the Bible.

Oh, doggone it, I have looked.

But there are no examples of this.

Every story within the Bible, people are getting pressed, they're getting stretched, they're facing challenges, and they are looking at God like, what are you doing?

I'm not equipped for this.

And so even Jesus himself, who is perfect and he was betrayed, he was in the garden looking at God, saying, Why?

And so it's very common for us to do the same when we're in hardship and just be like, Why is this happening?

Why is life so hard?

So for me, I will say that it's the one-time hardships that don't cause confusion and frustration as much as the ongoing challenges.

Maybe it's the older you get, but it just seems sometimes that it just recurring over and over and over again.

And that is so heavy.

So today the message is called, Lord, how much more can I take?

That was something that I asked when I had plenty of years of ongoing trouble.

So that's what we're gonna unpack today.

So let's go into the book of James.

James is practical Christianity.

And if you haven't been reading the Bible or aren't connected in the Bible, James is an awesome place for you to start because it's practical Christianity.

And so James was a very respected, trusted teacher of many of Jesus' original followers.

And they were just like us, navigating life, struggling in relationships, dealing with all kinds of issues, and then they were persecuted for their faith.

So they had to scatter, and James was like, I'm gonna write a letter and get them to really think about what it looks like to be obedient to God and to live in obedience to God.

So we're gonna go to James 1, 2 to 4, and it says, consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

We're gonna we're gonna really do a deep dive into two phrases within this scripture.

The first one is consider it pure joy.

Now, if you're like me, when you are in a really hard season of life, I struggle to find joy in my circumstance, right?

I'll find every other emotion.

I'll find frustration or anger or disappointment or sadness or fear or worry, fill in the blank.

But joy is usually not on that list.

The second phrase we're gonna unpack is a little unsettling, to be honest, and that is trials of many kinds.

I was like, James, you're killing me here, dude.

How about one trial?

But no, he is trying to warn us that we will have trials, plural, of many kinds.

So when we have facing trials, what we have to do is step back and say, okay, we're gonna be facing trials.

How do we handle those trials?

So that's a question I want you to think about right now.

When you are in a hardship, when you are under pressure, how do you handle it?

So my go-to was denial.

And it's like, oh no, I am not talking about it, I am not thinking about it, and it will go away with time.

And so that's totally not healthy, Tracy.

That is not a good approach.

But there are more ways of handling.

Are you angry?

Do you struggle with anger?

Are you isolated?

Do you explode on people and go in blame and cycles of rage?

And maybe you're self-medicating.

That's another one, and the list is long.

Alcohol, drugs, porn, shopping, food, work, you name it.

There are so many ways that we can self-medicate just to try to find an escape from the problems that we face.

So we have to look at this for ourselves to also say, okay, is it healthy?

And do I need to consider changing these responses?

But here's what I know about change.

We don't want to do it.

Not many people want to change.

It's hard, it's frustrating, it's it's uncomfortable.

And if we can be honest, I'm usually exhausted.

And so if you're exhausted today, the thought of changing or having to turn something upside down and start over is really overwhelming.

So there's a great saying that you may have heard of before, and it is that the pain of staying the same, people will only change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

So say that with me.

People will only change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

And I was the poster child of this.

I met and married the man of my dreams when I was 22, and here's a picture of us.

This is a big hair, big earrings, skipping off to live happily ever after.

Because that's what you do when you get married, right?

And we were great partners.

We were loving, fun, we loved God, we loved our family, and we were very social, fortunate enough to have some really wonderful friends.

But over time, something flipped.

He became critical and harsh toward me in a way that didn't make sense, and our relationship was not in a good place.

The man I fell in love with and married was not this angry, explosive man.

I was continually trying to calm in the home.

And I started to see my rock bottom in 2005.

I was pregnant with our second daughter and began having issues with my cervix.

I was put on full bed rest and I could only sit up three 15-minute periods a day to eat, which is brutal for this busybody.

It was a very lonely period.

My sweet mom moved in with us to help us with our older daughter, who was about five at the time.

And I was so grateful to have the help, but I couldn't feel like I was living out this dysfunction in a fishbowl.

I was trapped in the bedroom.

My husband wasn't interacting that much at all, and I jokingly called him Doorway Dave because he'd come to the doorway and check in on me, but there wasn't enough concern or spending much time in closeness.

And in the last month, our baby was having heart decelerations, and I moved from bed rest in the home to bed rest across town in the hospital, which was even more disconnecting, and I felt so alone.

I was focused on getting this baby as far along as possible before delivery.

About two days before I was scheduled for a C-section, Dave came to my room and he said he needed to go to Phoenix for work.

He and a friend had a used car dealership, and absolutely nothing in that business warranted for him to go out of state under deadline.

His partner and other associates could have easily gone to this work buying event that he was explaining.

I lay there in that hospital bed, realizing that my husband was going to Phoenix to meet someone.

My heart was racing furiously, and I explained that he was risking not seeing the birth of our daughter if he did this.

And he tried to convince me over and over that he really needed to go.

So for the first time in my life, I stood up for myself and I looked him straight in the eyes and I said, I know you do not have work in Phoenix.

Any one of your leaders could go in your place, and I think you are seeing someone there.

If you choose to go, you will not be permitted to live in the house with your wife and family when you return.

And he didn't go to Phoenix, but the massive damage was done.

Praise God, we had the most beautiful, healthy baby girl, but in true avoidant and conflict-averse fashion, I sat in silence about the whole ordeal.

I didn't bring it back up, I didn't circle back or have another discussion about that day in the hospital.

The pain of staying the same still felt better than what I thought the pain of change would look like.

Yet our intention, our interactions just continued to spiral.

He had a cold hardened heart and was oftentimes outright mean.

My tender heart was shattered and I didn't know what to do.

I also sat in isolation, not wanting people to think badly of him or tell me I should leave him.

And so in 2007, David started attending Celebrate Recovery at our church.

Celebrate Recovery, oftentimes called CR for short, is a Christ-centered 12-step recovery program.

It was founded in Rick Warren's Saddleback Church in California, and now there are over 35,000 Celebrate Recovery meetings in churches around the world.

It's an incredible program to help people get closer to God and address any hurt, habit, or hang-up, not just addiction.

And I assumed that Dave was attending for his anger and strained relationship with his father, and I suggested to Dave that we go to counseling.

Our issues were really, really mounting.

And he gladly agreed to go.

I spent the first counseling session explaining years of very, very painful, belittling, hurtful incidents without an ounce of emotion or tears.

And our counselor watched in shock, and she said, Trace, we need to get you feeling again.

She sent me on a path to address my numbness and how much emotion I had stuffed.

And then she explained that David would continue to work on his sexual addiction.

And I said, What did you say?

And there was my rock bottom event.

At this point, we had been married 15 years, and I knew my husband was a flirt, but I had zero idea of the double life most of these 15 years, and I never thought of him as having this type of addiction.

God could not have placed me in a safer environment, though.

I am in a therapist's office with a husband, with a repentant heart who was trying to get well.

Dave wasn't in long-standing affairs with women.

His addition addiction was hookups while he was out with the boys or on trips.

He spoke of the rush of the ask.

The acceptance was a rush.

He said getting caught was a rush.

He chased what he was told he couldn't have.

And I was crushed to my core.

The man who I loved the most and was supposed to protect me the most had now hurt me the most.

Lord, how much more can I take?

I learned that his anger and criticism and finding fault in other people was all a part of this terrible guilt and shame cycle relating to the addiction.

It wasn't about me at all.

He had hated who he'd become, and he had the courage to want more for himself and our family.

Dave was doing the hard work.

He was in a men's step study at Celebrate Recovery.

He had a sponsor and accountability partners.

He was working with the pastors and he was showing up doing hard work and counseling with me.

He owned his behavior and was so apologetic about the years of destruction.

He was learning tools to manage his addiction and compulsive behavior.

And I, God was softening this hardened heart.

And my counselor suggested that I attend Celebrate Recovery as well.

What?

I said, that's crazy.

My husband has lived a double life for 15 years of our marriage, and I'm not the one with the problem.

I said very boldly.

Up to this point, I was all consumed with what had been done to me and how I had been treated.

And celebrate recovery flipped the focus.

CR had me go back to revisit very wounding incidents and look at my reactions and responses or lack thereof.

I had to break my patterns.

I had to break, stop staying quiet and isolating, trying to keep the peace at all costs, reacting but never acting with boundaries.

And CR also showed how very harsh criticism of me and this explosive behavior impacted me long term.

My self-esteem, my confidence, and my heart.

Through both of us attending CR, working through so many hurts in counseling sessions, Dave's commitment and expression of love for me and our girls, my heart was healing.

We restored our marriage.

We restored our intimacy and had a stronger marriage than we had ever experienced before.

Praise the Lord.

So this is a picture of us healed and speaking and really in such a great place.

CR and speaking publicly about our journey became a really big part of our existence, honestly, because no one was talking about it, but so many people are going through it, right?

And so this was on our mission.

We spoke individually and we also shared a joint testimony too quite a bit, which was really cool.

So at this point, I'm going to assume with God that massive marital dysfunction and restoration is enough hardship for one couple for one lifetime, right?

Oh goodness.

But then there's my buddy James.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

My husband had sold his portion of the auto business to his partner and got back into commercial real estate, which is what he had done before we moved.

But in 2009, we found ourselves in another trial.

Three words global financial crisis.

If you lived through that, you know that the market crashed, and my husband was on 100% commission, and I had a consulting business.

He had no income and we were blazing through savings.

We started relying on credit, hoping that something would just turn around, and we found ourselves in a horrible financial spiral.

I found a job leading the American Diabetes Association as the only employee in Nevada, and that nonprofit provided minimal income toward our mounting expenses, but much needed health benefits for our family.

So if the marital issues and now financial ruin weren't enough for one couple to handle while all this was happening, Dave had some numbness in the left side of his face and issues with his vision.

Dave was diagnosed with a non-cancerous brain tumor deep behind the brain stem.

Trials, a plural of many kinds.

Navigating financial ruin was put on hold while we were trying to find a neurosurgeon to manage a brain surgery.

But thank you, Jesus, for the benefits that we had from that job change.

Instead of operating in isolation and denial, we leaned into our celebrate recovery tools, attending meetings, meetings with our sponsor and accountability friends.

He was dealing with his own self-worth issues, wanting to be the provider and unable to find work, and the fears that are all involved with the diagnosis of a brain tumor.

And CR is the safest place you can imagine for any hurt, habit, or hang up.

We were no longer pretending that everything was fine, but rather being very transparent about what we were surrendering to God and asking openly in prayer.

Seriously, the growth was unbelievable getting us through.

And I learned firsthand that people want to help me when I'm transparent about what I'm facing.

There's no judgment, just love and support.

But we reached another rock bottom.

Dave had his brain tumor operation, and the surgeon could not remove it all.

90% removed with 10% left to be treated, and likely grow right back again.

So he continued to lack income, and we had to short sell our home and financially start over.

We were able to network with friends back in Columbus, where we were from, and we moved ourselves across.

Country like the Beverly Hillbillies with you haul trucks and trailers and dear friends who were helping us move.

We couldn't get everything in the trucks and trailers, and so we're giving away some of our stuff because it wouldn't fit and it was absolute chaos.

But we were just wanting a fresh start.

God put people in our path to help us find a rental in Columbus and begin rebuilding, yet that 10% of that tumor grew back to the point of causing neurological problems again.

God, we found a top neurosurgeon for Dave's type and location of tumor and a phenomenal practice in Northwestern.

David went through brain tumor surgery number two in Chicago.

Yet we faced the same outcome of the surgeon not being able to get the whole tumor.

Lord, how much more can we take?

Within the year, we had more bad news about the tumor.

It was back, and David and I faced the brain tumor surgery number three.

My mom and sister came to live with our girls.

Well, Dave and I went back to Chicago for the surgery.

We were pros by this time.

We'd drive in, we had a day of prep, and then what's amazing is that you're only in the hospital for two days when you have brain surgery, which is crazy, and then we'd stay three days to make sure he was doing okay, and then we'd drive home.

The day before his surgery, David and I had the most spectacular day we have had in a really long time.

We wandered Chicago, we shopped, we took in all the sights and found the coolest restaurant on the lake that had a sandy beach.

And we strolled holding hands, we took our shoes off and ran around in the sand, we talked and laughed and shared stories and fears and dreams for the future.

We closed out with a fabulous steak dinner at Ralph Lorenz Steakhouse, and then he went to get the final test and marker measurements for surgery.

That night we prayed and we just turned everything over to the Lord.

The next day's surgery lasted about seven hours, and the surgeon came down to say how excited Dave was going to be because he finally got all of that tumor.

He said I could come up to the ICU in about an hour and a half.

So I set my alarm and I went up to that room, and there were crowds of people around my husband in an absolute flurry.

A nurse likely saw my horrified face, and she came running over and scooped me out of that room and explained that David had stroke and seizures right after surgery in the ICU, and he was not in a good place.

Lord, how much more can I take?

I hadn't booked a hotel room because I always stayed with him in the hospital after surgery, and so there I was, 10:30 at night, with my little rolling suitcase, walking from the hospital to find a hotel room that was remotely close by.

And I was sobbing and scared and in total shock from the traumatic events of the day.

And it was another rock bottom.

The next morning I went back to the hospital and I found my husband hooked up to more equipment than you could imagine, lying lifeless in that bed.

And I was scared, but I slipped right back into that positive thinking that you know what, it's Dave.

He'll be fine.

He's a fighter, he's gonna bounce back.

And days went by with him lying there in that same state.

He remained in the ICU, not opening his eyes, not moving, equipment everywhere, doing all the work.

And I'd arrive at the hospital every morning before the doctors were making rounds with hopes that they would tell me that they had found something or he had moved.

And I'd stay late, longing to see some movement, any movement.

God was with me every minute and every moment of every day.

He put people in my path, the number of people who poured into me and the girls with prayer and support and food gift cards, and people even used their marriage points to pay my hotel room.

The stories of protection and provision during this time is a testimony in itself.

We had an overwhelming number of blessings coming alongside us every day.

I flew the girls in for the week to see him for the first time, and we had the same experience, just sitting bedside, begging him to wake up and move.

The doctors wanted to see him making improvements every day, and he had none.

At this point, he had been in the ICU for almost three weeks, and after the girls left, the doctors started talking to me about time being up in the ICU, and the next step was assisted living.

And if you know Dave, he made it perfectly clear to me, to friends, to family, to the surgeon that he never wanted to be kept alive in a vegetative state.

Dave's family came back and we made the brutal decision to remove life support.

And David passed away October 10th, 2016, at the age of 54.

Lord, how much more can I take?

So now my husband of 24 years is gone, and I am faced raising my beautiful 16-year-old and 11-year-old daughters alone.

Marital hardships, financial ruin, medical crisis, three brain tumor surgeries, and my husband's death.

Isn't that enough, God?

I am super exhausted.

But back to the celebrate recovery tools.

Step one, I can't.

Step two, God can.

Step three, I'm gonna let him.

Get in community, Tracy.

Meet with accountability, do not isolate.

But how much healthier were my reactions in that moment than years ago.

You see, if David and I would not have worked individually and collectively through all of those wounds, if we would have not openly discussed the patterns that were so painful and just ignored the past, hoping it would go away with time, our last day together in Chicago would have looked completely different.

Think about that.

What if the last day, and I didn't know it was the last day, that I would ever talk to my husband again, was filled with strain or disconnection or worse harshness or disrespect toward each other instead of love and playfulness, I wouldn't have the healing that I have now.

And I would be dragging bitterness and resentment and all kinds of other things into every relationship moving forward.

So trials of many kinds continue.

I want us to go back now to your thought of what you do during hardship.

What came to mind back then?

What in your life is completely unresolved?

What in your life is holding you back from living fully?

Because God is the master restorer, but guess what?

He needs you to act and do your part in order to heal.

So there are three simple action steps that we're going to talk about very briefly now.

And the first one is commit to your healing.

God healed my marriage because we were both willing to do really hard work, not controlling what the other person was doing or not doing, but instead taking ownership for our own actions and reactions.

And I fully recognize that many people here may not have that same situation where a partner is willing to do the work.

So please use our story to see even more clearly that you must still heal yourself to keep moving forward in all that God has for you.

Even if your partner is not acting, you act.

Your healing is dependent on it.

And your healing is dependent on you, not what someone else is or isn't doing.

And so those skills are not going away overnight.

It's going to take some time to unlearn unhealthy responses.

And so I want you to know in your heart that I need to do the work over time.

It's not going to be a quick fix.

So prepare to learn over the long haul.

The third action step is find resources and community.

The enemy wants you feeling alone and hopeless and completely isolated.

And God is over here saying, look at all these resources and support and a safe and loving environment to get your heart healed.

So are you listening to the enemy in isolation and ignoring everything?

Or are you listening to God who's prompting you to say, come home.

Come on, somebody.

OneChurch has so many resources.

Celebrate Recovery is here every single Wednesday night at 6:30, right here in this space.

No registration needed.

It's a drop-in program.

You just show up when you need it.

52 weeks a year, except for August 5th when OneChur is hosting that concert.

So don't come August 5th.

But I want you to come next week at 6.30.

We have amazing CR leaders who have worked their own journey.

And they're in green shirts today, here and out at the welcome tent to encourage you and answer any questions you might have.

There are many celebrate recovery meetings in Columbus, Monday through Thursday.

So if you want to find one or attend multiple meetings, there's a crlocator.com resource.

And that will help you pinpoint other CR locations.

And if you're joining online right now, you can find a CR in your city or in your country.

It's amazing.

And then let's look at OneChur.

Oh my gosh, guys, you know why I love this church?

Do you realize the resources available for healing for you?

You go on the OneChurch app, you go on One.church slash care, and there's mental health resources, one-on-one marriage counseling, celebrate recovery information, crisis support, and counseling services.

And if you go to one dotchurch slash groups, there are over a hundred groups for you to join to get in community with people in a same similar season of life.

There are freedom groups that can help you work through hard things.

And then August, we have beach baptisms.

Oh my gosh, guys, it's amazing.

Just proclaim your faith and leave it in the water and come out ready to get healed.

So back to the question, Lord, how much more can I take?

What if we flipped our expectation?

Think about that.

Expecting a perfect, problem-free, trouble-free life is not realistic.

And it's going to keep you trapped in all the why me, why this, because you want what's perfect and life is coming at you.

And so what if we flipped it?

And what if we said, you know what?

James told me I'm going to have trials of many kinds.

And guess what?

God is with me every minute, every moment of every day.

And there is absolutely nothing that I could face that I cannot get through.

That's right.

So think about that.

Flip the script.

Instead of saying, I want a perfect life.

Why is all this happening?

Say, you know what?

It's gonna be crazy.

It's gonna be crazy.

But God's with me.

And so I guess we're doing this, God.

Let's bring it.

Alright?

Our amazing worship team has the most beautiful song.

And so they're gonna share, and I hope that you look at these lyrics and soak it in today.