Mother's Day Service

Thank you for listening to the Kelowna Christian Center podcast.

Our desire is that today's message will be fresh and encouraging to you.

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We're so grateful to be in the company of some wonderful mothers in our church.

One of the advantages I've had at uh being a part of a church for a long time, like I was here at the beginning, 36 years ago, is that some of the people who are still here with us today from that time were people in my life that made a difference.

And I would just say to you, never underestimate the influence you have in people's lives.

Never underestimate the influence you've got in younger people's lives.

Um you are a mother in heart, and that mother and heart makes a difference in the lives of children.

Um I want to just share with you a little bit of the history of Mother's Day before we get on to our uh great group of mums you're gonna be sharing with us.

Uh the history of Mother's Day goes back over 104 years.

And a woman by the name of Anna Garvest spearheaded an effort to actually uh have a day where you would celebrate moms.

That was good.

Hey, all the moms, give her a cheer.

That's for Anna Garvis.

But she started in in St.

Andrews Episcopal Church in West Virginia.

And when the government heard about this, they said, you know what, we're gonna just announce a day that we celebrate moms that became adopted all across America.

And the interesting thing is that this woman, she's she it was recognized all over the world, but she was never married.

The one who initiated Mother's Day, she herself was never married, and she was never a mother.

But her mother so impacted her life that she wanted to do something to honor her own mother.

And as a result, here we are today, 104 years later, still celebrating mothers.

How many of you are grateful for your mother today?

Man, we're like, we love our moms, we love our moms.

Someone said to me, How many of you want to go to heaven?

Yeah, how many of you want to go to heaven today?

It's like ugh, it's like I'm not quite sure about that, but I know that if my mom wasn't there for me, oh man, I got so many crazy things.

She was there, she was watching, guarding, protecting, uh like just covering me all the time.

And I just I think the the fiercest thing in the world is a mother.

And I'm just so grateful to be around some dangerous mums.

And so today we want to celebrate some of the moms that are in our own community, in our own family.

So, would you welcome up Trisha Brewer as she comes to lead this panel today?

Awesome.

I'm so excited for Mother's Day.

We love moms in this house.

I have been surrounded by so many amazing moms and met just the best in this church.

So we're really excited today to have a panel.

We're switching it up, we're changing it up.

So I need you guys to give the warmest KCC welcome to our three guests today: Rhea Hayden, Lynn Stose, and Danny Hampton.

Awesome.

So if you couldn't tell when you walked in here today, we are changing it up.

There's chairs on the stage, there's no pulpit, we're keeping it casual.

So if you are a mom in the house and Mother's Day is something that normally gives you some anxiety because you feel like there's pressure on you to be a million things, you can take a deep breath today because it's not that kind of service.

These are not those kind of moms, and we're just gonna have some fun, real raw conversations.

Are you guys okay with that?

Awesome.

So we're gonna start over with Lynn.

I met with all of these ladies this week and they had so much wisdom to share.

And one of the things we talked about, Lynn, was how love was a part of the equation and raising your kids and going on that journey.

Where did love show up?

So um I grew up in a non-Christian home, and um love was a feeling.

Love was if you did something good, you were loved.

And if you messed up, you knew it, and you weren't loved anymore.

It wasn't until I met my husband and we got married, and I gave my life to Jesus that I realized that love was more than a feeling, that it actually was a commitment.

And I experienced that when I experienced the full forgiveness of Jesus.

It didn't matter my past, my present, or my future, that Jesus would just love me no matter what.

So for me, um it changed.

It went from feeling to commitment, and then that's pretty much where I started when I became a mom.

I committed to loving each one of my kids and committed to loving not just my kids, but if my kids' friends came over or um students that I worked with, or any any person that God placed in front of me, I committed to show unconditional love to that person and drop the judgment and just love them.

So this one you guys can all answer.

We're on this series of being known, of loving.

We're talking today about like keeping your love on.

And one of the things you said, Lynn, was I just chose to love them.

So when life is hard, when things are coming at us, when our kids are maybe not doing exactly what we thought was the perfect plan for their lives, how do we choose love?

So one of the things that I learned was no judging, just love them.

Just, you know, one of the best advices, I didn't share this in the first service, but one of the best advices I ever got from my sister-in-law when my kids were teenagers and they were doing a little bit of rebellion and doing their own thing is the choices that they make are not a reflection of how you raise them, it's a reflection of their choices.

So therefore, you just love them through their choices and you help them to pick up the pieces.

And that really helped me because I was feeling that, you know, that guilt?

Like, oh, I'm a terrible mom.

I didn't do this right, or I should have done this, or read those wonderful parenting books that make you feel this big.

But um instead, I chose to follow Jesus' example.

Um, we were talking last week in the you know, the last couple weeks about the woman that came to Jesus, was brought to Jesus because she was caught in adultery.

And Jesus said, Okay, the first of you that have no sin, throw the first stone.

And slowly everybody kind of got up and laughed because realizing they had sin in their life, and the only one that didn't was Jesus.

And did he judge her?

Did he stone her to death?

Did he condemn her?

No.

He just he just loved her, he forgave her and he loved her.

And that is has been my example throughout my parenting, throughout my marriage, throughout the people that God has placed in my love in my life is just to love like Jesus.

And I think too um, we gotta remember that kids are people, like they're actually not going to do the right thing.

Most of the time, they're not gonna do the right thing.

And when you have that, for me, I'm like, I have that in my mind.

I'm like, I know they're not gonna probably not choose the right thing.

So when they don't choose the right thing, I'm not like, oh my gosh, I didn't choose the right thing.

Like I already knew that they were gonna do that.

So I'm not I'm not thinking my kids are perfect, because they're not.

Um, and the funny thing, I was thinking about this, my kids are me, like they're me and my husband, so whatever they're doing, that's kind of like my fault.

So I go, but I feel like we just have to have real good expectations of our kids, like like real expectations.

Like I'm not gonna expect them to be good all the time.

Like there's different little factors in their little lives that I don't understand, and they're just yeah, if we keep our expectations low, then when it when they do good things, we'll be like, woo! So in all honesty though, that that's actually how I parent because I just like I that keeps me sane.

I go, oh, you got you're ready.

I have my own.

No.

Um oh, what can I add to that?

You guys hit on everything really.

Um it is a choice, it's just a flat out choice.

Um you can raise your kids in what you think is the most perfect Christian home, and raise them with all the morals and all the standards and everything, and pour yourself into them 110%, and they can turn around and go the other way.

And all you can do is love them.

That's all you can do.

Um, I'm not the greatest at it.

There's times when my kids make choices and I'm they're in their forties, and I'm like, ugh, you know, I just want to turn them around and go, no, go this way, you know.

But you can't.

You just have to love them.

And sometimes it takes me a long time.

Sometimes it takes me, you know, I have to go through anger.

I have to go through some resentment, you know, before I get there.

But I'll get there.

And um I think we have to realize we're just human.

Us mothers are just human.

I think one of the really good um advice that I got was from my mother-in-law, who's they had four kids and they all just did their own things, like they were good and bad and did all this whatever they did.

But I was just like asking her, I'm like, how, because I have four kids as well.

I'm like, how do you handle?

How do you handle when your kids just like don't do what you've taught them to do or what God says to do?

Like, how do you handle that?

And she's like, just pray.

Like, I've just prayer is a constant.

Like, you pray for your kids, you give them a godly foundation, and they will always come back because it's always in them.

Like, and you gotta trust that God's gonna do the work in them, even if you like you feel like you just wanna, like Ria said, you just want to smack them sometimes, like just do the right thing.

But you can't, like, God's gotta do the work in them, and to trust God is probably the biggest thing you can do to love them.

Well, love them as well, but also trust God for sure.

So good.

So, in choosing love, sometimes even when we try to choose love, we fail, or seemingly in our own eyes, we fail and don't love as well as we hoped.

So, what would you say to people that feel like maybe I'm failing at choosing love?

What do you do in those times?

I think in those times you choose, you choose God.

Um He is He's the path, He's already He's already made the path for us.

And so for me, and one of the things that in choosing God, you learn is forgiveness.

So as a mom, I'm I'm not afraid to go to my I I grew up in a home that where my parents never said I'm sorry to you.

If they messed up, it still was your fault.

Um whereas I raised my family a little bit differently.

Uh when I messed up, I went and said sorry.

When they're two years old and you yelled at them and you go up to the room and you feel bad, like God is saying, Hey, you know, I'm convicting you, it's okay to say sorry.

It's okay.

And we as moms have to give ourselves grace.

That was something I had to learn as well.

Is you know, there's so many, there's so many different scenarios in life and different paths that we all walk.

And if we can just remember forgiveness, grace, and love, I think we're doing it right.

Um, it's not perfect, but we're doing it right.

And, you know, they're the choices that they make, whether they're good or bad, it's not about you, it's their choices.

It's the it's what they choose to do.

And um you you just gotta be there to support them.

It's good to realize that once you if you screw up, like you get another chance.

Like you don't need to screw up all day.

Like you can you can just screw up, say sorry, and then start over.

Like, and that's the goodness of God.

Like he gives us the same thing.

And I I just think that God is such a good model for like being a parent because like, yeah, I'm gonna screw up a lot.

Um, but I just mean new grace, new mercy, like every morning, every day is a new day, every second is a new second.

And it's just all about just going through life, just figuring it out.

Like life is like she said, like it throws so many different things at you, and you don't even know what to expect.

But it's how you react in those times that will shape who you are and will shape your family.

Trisha's giving me that look.

Um it's funny because I I was saying in the first service when Trisha called and asked if I would do this, I was like, really, God, I don't like your sense of humor because I had a really lousy week.

I was feeling pretty lousy as a mom, pretty lousy as a sibling.

Um, things just hadn't gone very well.

And Mother's Day, I'm gonna be flat out honest.

I said to my daughter-in-law, don't expect me around Mother's Day from here on in.

I I just want nothing to do with it.

I I'm so tired, I'm I'm worn out.

And uh I thought, oh God, you know, just showed my human side.

Like we go through rough times, and and um I don't even know where I was going with that really.

Just, you know, I I as we were singing that song about the father and how he'll tear down any wall and he'll he'll crush the lies.

That's what us mothers want to do for our kids, you know.

We want to tear down the walls, we want to crush the lies.

Um and sometimes in doing that, we don't always do it right.

You know, I don't always say the right things, I don't always make the right moves, but underlying is love.

It's a love and it it's uh it's a love that never stops, you know.

It doesn't matter how old the kids are, it's just you love them.

That's so good.

I think we live in a world today where there's so much pressure going on to be a mom.

There's pressure that we put on ourselves.

We live in a social media age where everyone shares their opinion at the click of a button, and Pinterest and Instagram make being a mom look like the easiest, best job in the whole entire world where nothing goes wrong.

But the reality is most people don't live in an Instagram feed and most people face challenges.

So, Daniel, we'll start with you.

With so much pressure going on to be a certain way, to act a certain way, how do you love yourself amidst all the pressure to be something else?

I think um I for me it's different because I I learned this like way, way after.

Like I did not know how to love myself after having kids because I have kids and it's just it was crazy.

And I didn't know what my body was doing, like why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

It was just you just kind of go through that, goes through the motions.

Um but I just felt like or I just found that you need to love yourself first as a mother.

Like you have to.

You need to actually sometimes let the kids just be for a second and go to the other room if you need to, or just lock yourself in the bathroom um for a couple minutes because you need that sometimes.

I think that a lot of mothers they feel guilty about not giving their kids everything that they need exactly when they need it, but I can't live up to that standard, and I'm I've realized now that I'm not gonna do that, and my kids are fine, like they'll be fine, and they'll be hopefully they'll be fine.

I'm still learning this one.

But I'm just you have to love yourself, you have to go do what makes you feel like you're getting your self-worth back.

Like if it's doing devotions or going for a walk, going to exercising, like that's really big for me, is exercise.

It just gets everything all back in order.

Um yeah, that's that's me.

So loving myself was probably one of the hardest things I had to learn.

I actually was that mom that would um bake 20 dozen muffins for a bake sale, pick up someone else's kid, take care of a kid, someone else's kid while they went away for a weekend.

I was the mom that just went and went and went.

I was the mom that a lot of people relied on me.

And um, about seven years ago, I was in a really bad accident and my brain didn't work.

And I lost 80% of my friends.

They they just couldn't handle seeing me that way, they couldn't handle that I wasn't that fun-loving go-getter person that they could rely on.

And in that process, I learned to love myself because I had to.

Um, I think I spent a lot of time with God and just learning what love is and what it means to love yourself, and I I learned the word no, which was really hard, but it got easier.

As as I got older and as I did more, I learned that no was okay.

I didn't have to be everything for everyone, that I I needed to take care of myself.

If I didn't feel like I could do it that day, then um I didn't do it.

And then for two and a half years, I was in this like fog in my head, and then God healed me, and even though he healed me, I still now have that love for myself to be able to say no when when I feel like I need to.

And the same thing is as as the ladies have said here, like just taking care of myself, going to the gym, um, spending time on me uh when I can, and not always having to be there and be a hundred percent in for everybody else, but to give myself some grace too.

I'm a slow learner.

I just learned really, in truth and honesty, I've just learned to love myself in the last five years, you know.

Um it has been just poured myself into my children, really.

And um through a really tough time, and one of them cutting us out of their life.

Um I I just went through a really dark time and I've learned to love myself.

And I just so admire, like Dania, you know, um, with young kids and knowing already um to be a good mom, you need to take time for yourself.

You need to make yourself strong, because otherwise you can't you can't do it all.

You just can't.

And so to take that time for yourself, and and that's been a big thing for me, is just uh learning to take that time, you know, to be myself.

I have eight grandchildren to keep up with, and uh that can be a little bit of a challenge sometimes, but um, to take the time for myself and to love myself the way the father loves me, give myself grace, cut myself some slack.

Sorry, I forgot to say this at the beginning.

Um another really important thing with that is that you have to have um the support to be able to take the time.

Um and I know that I have a really good support system.

Um husband's amazing.

Um and I think that it's really important that we able to communicate our needs to each other.

Um, I didn't always do that.

Like I never was like, oh, I need to go lay down because I feel bad.

I'm like, I don't want you to have to be the kids all the time and work, but now I'm just like I don't care anymore.

Like I need to go lay down.

And he's totally fine with that.

Like he's like, yeah, you do what you need to do because he wants me healthy and happy, and it's really important.

But I just want to say to you that if you don't have that support, um, like if you're a single parent, um just to find people.

Like, I actually was really sad the other day.

I'm on a mom suite on uh Facebook, and there's all these moms there, they're like, I have no support, I have no one, like there, I don't even have friends, like I I need help.

Like that's a really good area to be in, is this moms group.

They're super supportive.

But I was like, for me, that's Was church.

Like, I almost want to be like, go to church, because you'll find that there.

Like, we in this church, it I don't know about the other churches, but I found in my experience here, like, there's amazing women in this church from young and old that have surrounded me and can give me advice and they're loving and will take time.

And I think just try finding those people is important.

And what I'm gonna start doing as we're as we're talking about this is actually praying, like, God, who do you want me to help?

Like, because I have had so many people help me, and now like I can be a blessing to someone else.

So just opening up my eyes a little bit wider when I'm in church to see like who's alone, who needs help, like what can I do to support?

I think that's really important.

Yeah.

I think it's so important what Daniel is saying to realize that God puts us in community, that when you end up in church, you're actually joining a family, which means that if you didn't have a mom, if you didn't have an example, you have moms now, you have grandparents around you, you have sisters, you have brothers that can come around you to support you.

And even one of the reasons we wanted to have a conversation like this is to make it honest, because part of the struggle is that if when we come into church trying to make it look like we have it all together, no one knows that you actually need help.

And you might be sitting here struggling internally, thinking, why isn't anybody helping me?

I feel so alone, I feel like I'm drowning, and there's so many people around you that would love to reach out a hand because God actually placed you here, He places you in community, He places you in family.

But I know Lynn, you talked a little bit about that journey in your life and what it was like to have community around you.

So if there are people, some of us have really great moms and we've had support, but some of us, our moms, have passed away, some of us have really um tense or hard relationships with our mom where we might feel like all I ever wanted in life was to know that my mom loved me.

And now there's people like that in that boat.

So if you feel like you are alone or like you never knew what love was like, how do you then learn to first of all love yourself, but also to love your kids, to love the people around you if you never had that demonstrated?

So growing up in a non-Christian home and growing up with um love as a feeling, I didn't grow up um knowing what it was like.

Like what I actually worried about being a mom because I I wanted to do it right, and I wanted I wanted my kids never to say mom never loved me, or mom, mom, you know, um, if I if I mess mess up, mom won't love me, or anything like that.

And so for me, I had my grandma, and I was really close with my grandma the last couple years before she passed away.

She was a huge support to me.

I also had looked at my friends at church, and I would ask um older moms for like advice.

And then I had my aunt, my aunt Grace, and and you know, she was she I would go to her house on weekends just to get away from the stress of my home.

And I just I really believe like teachers um were in my life that I found out were Christian later on when I became a Christian and and would see them at church functions or school or you know, interdenominational functions, and I'd be like, hey, I you know, I I know you're a Christian.

And um so God places people in our lives, and we as moms who have been through stuff and have been there, we are open to supporting and being there for other people.

I found parenting books to be not my greatest help, but life relationship and people who have struggled or gone through stuff or are going through stuff, and finding those people, my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law, my grandma, my aunt, friends from church, um, colleagues at work, and just my that's who I would turn to, as well as my relationship with Jesus is a product of not having a good mom, I believe, because I turned to him.

He showed love, he showed forgiveness, he showed how not to judge people because you don't know what they're going through.

You don't know what their family's been through, you don't know what that child's been through, and maybe that's the reason that they're making the choices that they make.

We just have to love.

She was there.

You knew she loved you somehow.

I don't quite know how.

Um, you know, she was busy chasing six kids and working all the time, never saw her sit and rest or do anything like that.

My father definitely never said, I love you.

Um he was a pretty rough man.

Um for me, when I became nine, I gave my heart to the Lord, and I have always had like a super, super tight relationship with the Father.

Um gosh, sometimes I sit back and I think, where would I be if I didn't have that?

You know, and when I became a mother, which I always wanted to be a mother, um, number one, I got an amazing husband who he blows me away.

It's just amazing.

But um I was gonna I was determined I was not gonna do it like my parents.

You know, I was going to spend time with my kids.

I was gonna make sure they knew I loved them.

So I probably drove them insane by saying how much I love them.

I still probably drive them insane at times in many different ways.

Um yeah, but um finding support, I agree, you know, just having people around you.

I didn't have relatives, they were all in Holland because we were immigrants, and um I had a couple close friends, you know, when my kids were young that um you know I sort of watched and and thought, okay, that's a that's a good way of parenting.

I'll try that, you know, kind of thing.

But support is really important.

But I think most of all, just um do your best at trying to be like the father.

So Rhea, you can probably speak to this too.

There's a lot of people, and we're all in different stages of the journey.

Some have really young kids like Dania, some are dealing with the lovely teen stage, some of the kids have left, and there's parents dealing with now I have grandkids or I have empty nest, and there's young adults that are learning like how do I be independent and have a relationship with my mom.

So, how has love looked different for you through the stages and what could you say to the people that are in the different?

Wow.

We talked in the first service a little bit about keeping your relationship with your spouse feeding into that while you're a young couple, um, because the day comes too fast when it's empty nest, and all of a sudden it's like, Who are you?

You know, because you've poured everything into your kids.

Um and and so, you know, working on that relationship as well as your relationship with your kids.

Um, my husband has a saying that I laugh at every time.

He says, Grandkids are a gift for not killing our own.

So you get a you get another chance when you have grandkids, and I'm loving that part.

Um, and you can also give them back, you know, you don't have to have them all day.

But um, you know, through the teen years, I personally I loved the teen years.

I absolutely loved the teen years.

Um, we had one son that was a real struggle.

Um, he has mental illness, and um it was very, very difficult.

Oh my gosh.

Um and it's funny because he's he's the one that we actually say it often now.

Um we gave him the hardest time because we were those in-a-box Christian people, you know.

Um if they don't obey you, kick them out, you know, uh, etc.

etc.

I mean, we were so rough on him, and yet he's the one that loves us the most.

He's the one that expresses his love the most, you know, and the one that I poured my heart and soul into and thought I did it all right is the one that's walked away.

And you're like, hmm.

But um, and then when they become adults, it's what's that magic line?

You know, as parents, we don't know.

Like, what is that line where they're you can give them advice and you can direct them, and then where does it stop?

Where is it where you say, okay, now they're adults and I can't freely give advice?

And we're still figuring it out, you know.

You just it's not an easy thing to figure out, so take heart, you know, but just learn from those around you, you know.

Um, pardon me, like Dania said, find support.

And if you're struggling in a certain area, you know, whether it be young kids, teens, adult kids, find someone who's in that stage and yak with them a bit and and you know, learn.

Try and learn.

I think it's important too to realize that there's so many, like there's so many different stages of life, and you have to keep adapting and learning and trusting in God.

And like it almost can seem like overwhelming and never ending, but yeah, just real I don't know, I can't even I don't even know what to say.

Like just remember that, like keep that in the forefront of your mind.

Like this is a season, this is a season, this is a season, like God's got me back.

Like if I feel like I failed as a mother, or if I feel like I've just won, like God's still got my back.

Um yeah.

Here, we'll pose this one.

Lynn, you had mentioned a stat when we were talking that when people, when couples are facing some of the challenges that you guys were facing in your home, that 80% of marriages fail.

That's the stats they gave you, that's the hope they gave you, and you're still married, you're still strong.

So, how do you choose love in your marriage when all the odds are seemingly against you?

So I'm pretty stubborn.

Um yeah, we had both of our kids have gone through some serious medical um stuff, and when one of them was facing death, um we went to meet a specialist at children's hospital, and the we sat down, and the first thing he said was 80% of marriages fail when their child is diagnosed with what your child has.

And I just I it's a stat I can't I couldn't get out of my head, and I just like okay.

But because I'm stubborn, and I'll give you an example.

My mom growing up told me that I was gonna be a smoker because my parents were smokers and I was the one that complained about it the most.

And I'm pretty sure the only reason why I never smoked was because I said, No, I'm not.

I'm gonna prove you wrong.

And so when the doctors told us this, um, I said, No, no, no, no, you don't know who you're talking to.

This is not gonna happen with us.

And so one of the things that we decided as a couple when we got home after that that visit was um date night.

So whenever people would ask us, how can we help?

What can we do?

Um we'd just say, Could you come and be with the kids?

Because we didn't, our kids were old enough that they could be left alone, but because of the medical conditions that we were dealing with, we didn't want to leave one child with another in case in case something happened.

So um, so people would come over and they'd watch our kids and we'd go on a date night, we'd go out to the movies, go out for dinner, and my mother-in-law came for a week and and um she actually kind of pushed us to go out.

So we went to Sparkling Hills for a night and just got away.

And I had to deal with the the mindset of if something happens, and you know, am I gonna get blamed?

Is it my fault?

Should I been there?

You know, all that kind of stuff.

But my husband was really great at just being like, no, like this is mom's got it, we got this, we can do this, let's, you know, let's relax, let's have time together.

And um, I think so knowing a statistic like that, it might scare people, but for me, it just drove me to want to um be more aware and be more open with my husband and support each other as much as we could.

If he's having a bad day, I want to be there.

If I was having a bad day, he would be there.

And just leaning on God when when both of us couldn't do it, when we're both struggling with what we were seeing and what we were going through, just relying on Jesus because Jesus is my strength.

Like he honestly got me through some very, very dark and scary times in my life.

And so, yeah, like that's just God and when someone throws something at you, you just you just fight it.

Um what we've done, um, and we've realized like kids are stressful.

Like there could be medical stuff, there could be like and financial, like it's more financially uh burdensome, is that a word?

But um it's just there's a lot of stuff that can come up that can stress your ma your marriage, especially when you have kids.

Um stuff that you don't really you're not prepared for, like you just don't, you just gotta go through it, and then you realize it, and then you get out of it.

Then you can help other people.

But I just um what we've decided is that like we put God first.

Like God's first.

Then our marriage is next, then it's us, and then it's our kids.

Which I don't know if everyone does that, but I do that because I'm like, I know that obviously God needs to be first because my foundation's in Him.

Like I I couldn't do it without Him.

Like our marriage is very important because if we if we're not communicating with each other, if we're not spending time with each other, like we're gonna just like our kids will feel it, they'll be affected by it.

Um and if I'm not taking care of myself, same thing.

Like they're just gonna feel it and be affected by it.

So we always make sure that we're we're putting our marriage before our kids.

Um and I think that it's yeah, it's just important.

And again, like I said before, like communication is key.

If you need something like from your husband, tell him, like, encourage him to tell you as well.

Like it's just you have to do it together, like in well, in our home, like we have to do it together, like, or else I just don't, I don't know.

Like, I don't even know how we would do it.

But I just yeah, and I'm just I'm just thinking too like there's a lot of people who they do have struggles in their marriage, and like marriage isn't easy when you add kids and it gets harder.

But I just I know that like God's there and that we're here and just like if you're having struggles, like there's lots of life groups here with the church that like they're marriage life groups, they're marriage building.

Like you can you can come, but what you need to do is be vulnerable.

Like we were talking about, like you can't just go and be like, oh, like God's gonna, like, God's just gonna do all the work.

Like, no, we have to do the work too, um, to be good mothers, fathers, and spouses.

So that's so one of my favorite things when I called these ladies up this week to see if they would be on the panel, is I said, Hey, we want you to speak on Mother's Day.

And the first thing they both said is, Are you sure?

Did you pick the wrong girl?

I and there was this the sense of like some Mother's Day is a celebration, and we love mothers and we value, but then sometimes Mother's Day is also a challenge for a lot of people because there's a so much gets brought up on Mother's Day if you have a strained relationship with your mom, or if you're just going through it, or just life's challenges.

Some people are waiting, they really want to be a mom, and it hasn't happened yet.

There's so much that can be going on that can make Mother's Day challenging, even to show up.

So, what hope or wisdom could you guys give to people that are finding Mother's Day challenging today?

I'm right in the middle of that challenge.

Um, I I said to Trisha, cut yourself some slack, you know, and she said, Do you cut yourself some slack?

I'm like, no, not good at that.

Um it is a struggle.

I'm gonna be honest.

Mother's Day is a struggle for me.

Um there's relationship issues with children.

Um I terribly regret not uh lavishing my mother with all kinds of things for Mother's Day for all the years.

You know, as I became a parent, Mother's Day sort of became about me.

It became about the fact that I was a mother.

And I tended to, I never forgot her on Mother's Day, but I didn't make it super special.

I didn't um I don't know, you know, it's just like I you sort of forget that, you know, and as I'm at the other end of that, I'm like, wow, I had all those years um of being Mother's Day being celebrated about me, but I forgot that my mother didn't have all those years left, you know, and I needed to celebrate her.

And um this is one of my regrets um on Mother's Day, well, not on I don't beat myself up about it anymore on Mother's Day.

Um I know she loves me and she'd forgive me in a second, because that's who she was.

Um but uh just cut yourself some slack and know that you're doing the best that you know how to do.

And sometimes we don't even do the best, but God's there to forgive us, and if we are humble in front of our children and say, you know, I'm really sorry for the way I said that or the way I acted, they've got forgiveness.

I think Mother's Day is hard sometimes for me because I'm like, I just I don't want it to be all about me, or I want to be like, I just want to like sleep in and get breakfast brought to me in bed, and I want to go to the mall by myself or drink a coffee outside with nobody asking me a question.

But I wish it's attainable, like we do that sometimes, but I do really appreciate that, Rhea, because like I I do make sure that like we spend time with my mom on Mother's Day, but like I I could do better at it, and I I'm gonna take that as a challenge because I like it's not about just me, like I'm not the only mother in the world, so I used to be less focused on myself and also like having young kids is also Mother's Day is challenging, anyways.

Like you really don't get like a nice relaxing Mother's Day until your kids are older.

Um, so just again, just lowering your expectations a little bit for Mother's Day will just make it for a great day.

Um I shared this in the first service as well, growing up with you know my relationship with my mom.

Um, I dreaded Mother's Day.

I didn't look forward to it at all.

And I would come to church on Sunday and and worship and listen to the service and leave, and I would cry through the entire service because there's nothing more that I wanted than to have a good relationship with my mom and to have that best friend that some people have.

And if you have that, you cherish that.

Cherish it.

Because it's something that us, even adults, we have that little girl heart that we want, we want mom there and supporting us.

Um but as I grew older and as God worked in me, and as I learned the love of that Jesus had for me, it it replaced that hurt and that that want because I learned to just make it about him and not about me, not about my mom, not about it.

Just and you know, I'm still learning to do what Ray is doing.

You know, I don't have a great relationship still, but I I you know I am working on that and I am trying to break down some barriers and stuff like that.

But yeah, I think for me, Mother's Day now, it I've learned to celebrate it the best that I can, the best I know how.

But take the pressure off yourself because it's not and take the pressure off your kids.

Because if we have pressure on them, it they don't mean to disappoint us.

So it's really our own thing.

We disappoint ourselves by having that pressure on our kids, and and like Rhea said, I mean, they grow up and and sometimes they remember things and sometimes they don't, and sometimes they celebrate you, and sometimes they don't.

And it's just forgive, love, and know that there's no ill intention.

Um, you didn't do anything wrong.

They just they just are who they are, and you just gotta love them.

So good.

Has this been good for you guys?

I hope you guys found some takeaways, some little nuggets you can take home.

And I think one of the resounding things I heard this morning is just the value of community that God's placed you here, that you're not alone.

So don't do life alone.

I know I love my mom, I value my mom, but I've also been so blessed by the moms in this community that have come around me when I needed them and showed me things and guided me.

And I think even if you are in that place, maybe your kids are older, like what a great opportunity for you then to be able to pour into other people that we can just keep seeing life happen, that the old join with the young.

And there's just so much beauty in that.

I love seeing the different stages and generations represented right here, and how much stronger we can grow as a church when we do life together.

Amen.

Just as we close, Rhea, will you pray for us and all the moms here today?

Father, I just thank you.

I thank you for parents.

I I thank you for moms, I thank you for the love of a mother.

Um, there's just nothing stronger.

And I ask, Father, that you would bless each and every one that's here today, those that are struggling and those that aren't.

Lord, I just ask that those that are struggling that you would particularly watch over them and um just somehow give them something really special today for their hearts.

And um we just thank you for your love.

Above all else, we thank you for your example of love that we can follow, because without that I we couldn't do it.

And um we just bless you and we thank you, and we thank you for this wonderful day in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

Can you give them one more hand as we invite a Pastor Brody?