Marriage Under Pressure

Well it's great to see everybody this morning.

My name's Russ.

If I hadn't met you and I'm one of the pastors here at Church of the Grove, always glad to see everybody this morning.

But as we dive into the second week of our new series, Under Pressure, I want to say a special welcome to those of you that might be here for the first or second time.

And excited about this series and excited about today.

In 1991, I walked onto the campus of the University of West Georgia in the month of June.

Yes, we got one University of West Georgia graduate.

And so I walked in and it was a it was a youth camp.

And I was going, I was recruited by my brother in the church I was attending in Savannah, Georgia at the time.

And so I walked in into this worship gathering that just started, and there was this beautiful young lady standing on the platform, belting out a song.

And I I mean immediately I was like, man, she's got a beautiful voice, and she is a beautiful woman.

And so over the next couple of years, I kept going back to this camp, and during that time, the Lord was dealing and speaking and drawing me into a new season.

And I felt the Lord calling me into full-time ministry.

And so I went to my pastor at the time.

His name was Alan Boston, Dr.

Alan Boston and Savannah, and I shared my heart about this, just what I felt like God was leading me to do.

And he told me, you know, several important steps that I needed to consider.

But he said, here's one of the most important things.

You need to find you a good wife that will walk with you and journey with you as you go into ministry.

And so in 1993, with that information put away in the back of my mind, I walked on that campus again, and I saw the same young lady, and I was like, hmm.

And so on November 11th, 1993, Jill was in Savannah at a conference.

She was a counselor in the school system, and so they had this conference, and so um obviously she was on my mind, but I must have been on her mind because when she came to Savannah, she she looked me up, and then she just told me she was reaching out to one of her friends, but she said, Hey, I want to see Russ and see how he's doing and see his family.

Yeah.

And so anyway, so I said, Hey, you want to?

She called, we we talked with one of her friends, and I said, You want to get together tomorrow night?

She said, Well, I already have a date.

I said, Well, you want to get together after that date?

And she said, Yeah, let's go have dessert.

And I was like, that's great.

I was number two in the schedule, but number one in her heart.

Thank you, Jody.

So, so I felt, listen, I felt, because of my pastor telling me this, I felt a little bit of pressure that I needed to find a wife, and I don't know that that was all completely healthy pressure.

I don't know that we should feel pressure, but there was a lot going on in our lives.

There was a lot going on in her life, a lot going on in my life, new calling, a potentially new field of work, uh a new relationship.

And so uh, you know, not long after that first date, a few months into the next year, I, you know, I had the talk.

I wanted to know, are we going anywhere in this relationship?

And I didn't necessarily say it just like this, but we weren't spring chickens anymore.

And and we, you know, you know I didn't want to waste a lot of time.

And she agreed with me.

And so um, and so we decided we're gonna we're gonna move forward with this relationship, and and then one year from the date of the first date, I asked her to marry me.

And so going into 1995, more change.

I had received a call from a church asking me to come serve full-time.

And so in January, I started at that church in January of 95.

In June, Jill and I were to get married.

And so I came to share the exciting news with her.

And I I was leaving the business world.

I had a sales job that I absolutely loved.

It was it was industrial safety and supplies, and I love building relationships with people.

I love selling things that people needed and needed to use in their vocation, and and and it was a great job for me as a young person to potentially build a future.

And so when I got the call from the church, it was exciting until they told me how much I was gonna make.

And so I said, Jill, I got some good news and I got some bad news, but but God's in the midst of all of it.

I said, the good news is God's opened a door for ministry.

The bad news, I'll take a 50% pay cut.

You still want to marry me?

And so she said, absolutely.

She's, you know, she she you know Jill, a lot of you that know her know that it's not about money, it's about mission.

It's about mission.

And so as we think about marriage and talk about the pressure of marriage today, and I listen, I know when I when I do a sermon like this on marriage, there's a lot of people in here that aren't married, but I want to tell you that this passage and the story of Abraham and Sarah, it applies to all of us, regardless of the season of life that we're in, whether we're married or not.

It's a story about faith over fear.

And so all of us feel the pressure in life, and it might be the pressure that we feel in relationships, and so we we know there's pressure, there's fear of the future, there's fear of financial pressure, new callings, new relationships, new endeavors in life.

And so what we learned in that season is that it was more important for us to follow the will of God than to follow what the culture imposes upon us.

And so, as we think about the pressures of life and the pressures in a family, the pressure of marriage, here's the question that we should not ask.

How do we get rid of the pressure?

The better question is what will the pressure produce in us?

And I know about you, but marriage brings a bit of pressure at times.

And, you know, I love it as when I when I do weddings, and I've done more weddings than I could count, and we I require couples to do premarital preparation and counseling.

And they're they're so excited.

They're in love.

Romance is in the air.

And so you don't want to quench that, but you want to bring a little bit of reality in that situation and say, guys, you're gonna you're gonna face some things in life.

God does not bring you into a marriage to make you happy, he brings you into a marriage to make you holy.

So, marriage, there's nothing like marriage when it comes to the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit.

Marriage, um, marriage produces something.

It produces fruit, it releases the fruit, it squeezes you when you're squeezed.

Whatever's inside is gonna come out.

The pressure of uh of finances, the pressure of raising kids, the pressure of expectations, your expectations, their expectations, everybody's expectations.

The pressure of growing older in your marriage and dealing with all the things in an older age, and let's not forget the pressure of deciding where you're gonna eat each evening.

And for us, it's like I want to know where we're gonna eat, and I don't want to go at five o'clock at my age, right?

Pressure doesn't mean you have a bad marriage, it means that you're human.

There'll always be pressures in life, but here's what I want to focus on.

The enemy knows where the pressure points are, and the enemy will distract you, and he will use fear where God wants to lead us by faith.

And so, underneath all of the pressure, we need to know that there is a heavenly father that wants to lead us and guide us.

So that's why I love this story of Abraham and Sarah, because it's a it's about a real-life couple dealing with real-life things, and God chooses them, not because they were deserving, he chose them because it was his providential and sovereign will.

And so you'll see in their life where there's this fear that can pull us in, the pressure that leads us to fear the future rather than to face the future with faith.

And so here's the big idea for this morning is that when fear drives your marriage, pressure wins.

But when faith leads, peace always follows.

Peace always follows.

And so, Lord, would you speak to us?

Would you show up?

Would you come in the power through the preaching of your word to produce faith in our hearts?

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

And so, Genesis chapter 12, looking at the story of Abraham and Sarah, Genesis chapter 12, and we're talking about uh fear, fear that the enemy uses in our life, and there's four different fears I want to look at look at as we go into this passage and then finish this morning uh celebrating and sharing in communion.

Genesis 12 · chapter mention Genesis 12 · chapter mention

And the first fear is the fear of the unknown, the fear of the unknown.

And there's a question that goes with that fear.

Where are we going?

Where are we going?

Where are we going?

And listen to what the word of God says in Genesis chapter 12, verse 1.

Genesis 12:1

The Lord said to Abram, all right, let's say that next word together.

One word, let's say it.

Go.

Listen, I could stop right there and I could preach the rest of this time on that word go.

When it comes to marriage, when it comes to the most intimate relationships that you're gonna have in your life, the first thing you need to understand is God always calls us to go.

Let me tell you where the pressure wins.

The pressure wins is when you adopt an imposed mission for your life that the world places upon you.

That's where the pressure and the undoing of your life begins, is when you don't understand that God has called us to go.

He hasn't called us to an American dream.

He's called us to follow in the gospel.

And the gospel always includes a command to go.

Last week we talked about the yoke, the yoke of Jesus, right?

Uh come, come to me, all of you who are weary and heavy laden.

And I'll give you rest.

Rest for your souls.

My yoke is easy.

My burden is light.

I'm gentle and lowly in heart.

So, so so we're called to go.

And so go is to leave your comfort zone and to yoke yourself.

And here's the important part in marriage.

We all agree, all of us would agree, that we are to be equally yoked to another person.

And we always immediately think, well, as long as that person believes in Jesus.

But I'm gonna challenge you a bit more, and a lot of our young people are gonna be here in one of the next two services, that it's important to be yoked to a fellow believer, but that's not the only yoke that you need to concern yourself with.

There are all types of things that you need to consider to and how to be equally yoked.

Your your beliefs, obviously, about the Lord Jesus are the most important, but but you need to you need to agree and be equally yoked together on financial philosophy and on uh possibly your politics, or certainly uh agree that you should both have a passion for for God's church and to be make that a priority.

All those things are important.

How are we gonna parent?

How are we gonna how are we gonna consider the different stages and seasons of our life?

And it starts there.

God always is a God that commands you to go.

And if you're not going with on mission with Him, you're allowing a mission to be imposed upon you.

Go from your land, your relatives, and your father's house to the land that I will show you.

I will make you into a great nation.

I will bless you, and I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse anyone who treats you with contempt.

And all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you.

So Abram went, and as the Lord told him, and Lot went with him, and Abram was 75 years old when he left Haran.

And so we get introduced to Abraham and Sarah.

Before they're Abraham and Sarah, it's Abram and Sarai, and so they're living comfortably in this place called Ur.

They are established, they are secure, they're surrounded by family.

Financially, they're probably self-sufficient, a very safe and predictable life.

Now let me ask you this.

When God calls us to go, is it always to a safe and predictable life?

There's no end destination, there's no address put into the Google Maps.

Can you imagine the conversation?

Abraham says, honey, start packing.

God says we're moving.

I've had those conversations before.

Sarah responds, okay, where to?

Abraham says, No idea.

Sarah says, How long will it take?

Now can you imagine that conversation?

How long will it take?

No clue.

Do we have a Zillow listing that we can check out or anything?

Nope.

Just a word from God and a promise.

A word from God and a promise, which is probably all we need.

That's the best place to start and so they're about to leave everything.

So the fear of the unknown is understandable, especially in our humanity, especially if we don't, if we don't make God part of the equation.

And so God, I think, will lead us.

And the picture I had in my mind is of Indiana Jones about to take that step on that invisible bridge.

And I think, listen, marriage in our journey with the Lord, there's always going to be a step of faith.

Marriage is a step of faith.

It's a step of faith.

And so sometimes we've got to be willing to take that step and go, even though we don't know where the end of that destination is.

What is the go?

It's God's call to join him in mission.

In certainly, maybe we don't know every detail, but we know the one who is sovereign over the details.

Not to mention that the fear of the unknown.

We all know this.

We see people walk through this, and so there can be a job loss, there can be a diagnosis, there can be bills that outpace income.

When you want to start a family, there can be struggles with infertility when you don't know what's next.

Sometimes it's easy for the stress and the pressure to be taken out on the person that we love the most.

We tend to start grasping for control.

And God, I love what He does in this passage.

What God says and does for Abraham and Sarah as they consider this unknown journey, taking that step out onto the invisible bridge.

We need to know that God calls them to a journey, but it's a journey of relationship.

It's not just like go here, do this.

Listen to the words that God uses.

In verse 4, he says, I, I will show you.

He's calling you in a relationship.

I will bless you.

I will be with you.

God's presence is the promise as we go.

That's it.

He is the one that is with us and will guide us.

And so when we walk through the unknown, transitions, uncertainty, waiting, pain, hurt, the wandering child, uh, the prodigal and our family or whatever it is, it's this peace doesn't come from knowing what's next, it comes from knowing who's leading you into the next season.

And so that first fear, the fear of the unknown, understandable.

But we remember, fear, when fear drives your marriage, pressure wins.

When faith leads, peace will follow.

The second fear is the fear of loss.

The fear of loss.

Here's the question.

Will what if I get hurt?

What if there's pain?

What if there's difficulty?

Genesis 12, verses 10 through 20.

Genesis 12:10–20

We say Abraham and Sarah take this leap of faith, but what happens immediately after they take the step of faith?

A famine hits.

Just because you step out in a marriage relationship with the mindset that we are equally yoked, we're following the will of God, we're going on this journey of faith.

It doesn't mean everything's going to turn out the way that you want it.

It doesn't mean that you won't have pressures or difficulties in your life.

A famine hits.

Verse 10 in Genesis 12 there was a famine in the land, so Abram went down to Egypt to stay there for a while because the famine in the land was severe.

When he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife, Sarai, look, I know what a beautiful woman you are.

Smart man.

When the Egyptians see you, they will say, This is my wife.

They will kill me, but they will let you live.

And then he says this.

Very, very strange.

People say you're my people say you're my sister, so it will go well for me because of you.

Please say you're my sister.

So it will go well for me because of you, and my life will be spared on your account.

Abraham is smart on the front end.

When he take tells his 65-year-old wife that she's still stunning and beautiful and that other people will find her attractive.

That's a great lesson to take for us men.

Okay?

Smart man.

But when you want to introduce your wife as your sister, I don't know that that's the most romantic thing in the world you could do.

Unless you live in East Tennessee, she could be your sister and your wife at the same time.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Jill told me not to say that.

What if I get hurt?

So, so but here, listen, I'm sorry.

What do you see in this?

You see, you see that they're driven.

Abraham is driven by self-preservation over faith and belief and trust in the Lord.

So much so he's willing to put his wife at risk for his own benefit.

Hey, well, you you're beautiful.

They're going to be attracted to you, but when they see you, they're going to want to kill me.

So can we tell them that you're my sister?

Which is, there's a lot of problems there.

But basically, it's when I'm going to control it, I'm going to manipulate the circumstances because I don't have enough faith.

And the fear of getting hurt.

Sometimes it's our fear, the fear of loss, the fear of pain.

And it leads us sometimes into a place that's not healthy.

I mean, you go down that path of dysfunction and lack of emotional health.

A lot of people handle these pressures in different ways.

Some people handle it through withdrawal and conflict avoidance or or maybe jealousy or there's image management.

We've got to keep secrets and present ourselves to be one thing so we can protect our image or a focus on being having a right or good reputation.

And so Abraham's fear caused him to do what fear always does: build a wall instead of building trust.

And he wasn't trusting God and living in the truth.

Instead, he was more concerned about himself and what would happen to him.

I'm telling you, that's not I'm so desperately want to speak to men and to young men.

Maybe men that are married, but young men that will be married.

And encourage them in the way to live their life, following in the faith of our relationship with Jesus, and not putting our spouses in a place of risk.

We are called to be protectors.

So God's faithfulness covers our failures, and he does so in this story.

We see where fear will tell us I have to protect myself, where faith says God will protect what matters most.

We must obey Him over disobedience.

And so you can't experience the peace that God wants for you and live in self protection at the same time.

And so the gospel reframes our need for self preservation.

We don't have to pretend we don't have to play a role.

Our identity is in Christ.

And what he has accomplished for us on our behalf is the gospel, and it sets us free to live.

The love and the reality of who we are, knowing that He is with us.

He works in us through His grace and He transforms us into the image of His Son Christ.

And so when fear drives your marriage, pressure wins.

When faith leads, peace follows.

So the third fear is the fear of waiting.

The fear of waiting.

What if nothing changes?

Is the question that goes with that fear.

What if nothing changes?

Fast forward a decade in the story, and this new scene unfolds.

Remember, Abraham and Sarah had been promised by God they're going to be a father and a mother of a great nation.

Now, if you're going to be a father and a mother of a great nation, you must start with what?

One child.

So they're given this promise, but they are getting older by the day to the point where the fear of waiting overcomes them, overwhelms them.

And Sarai, lacking the trust that she should have in the Lord, she begins to take things into her own hands.

And so look at verses 1 and 2 of Genesis 16.

Abram's wife Sarai had not borne any children for him, but she owned an Egyptian slave named Hagar.

Now you know where this is going.

Sarai said to Abram, Since the Lord has preventing me from bearing children, go to my slave.

Perhaps through her I can build a family.

And Abram agreed to what Sarai said.

Now this is messed up.

And it and it it's it to me it's it's a little bit crazy, but but this is this is what happens.

But you look at this world and we're probably not surprised.

We're not surprised.

And so Abraham and Sarah, Sarah takes her handmaiden or her servant, her slave, gives her to her husband, since she cannot bear a child, it's supposedly at this point.

She takes matters into her own hands, brings in Hagar, she does get pregnant, and she has a child, and his name is going to be Ishmael.

And so later on, Abraham and Sarah would have their promised child, Isaac.

Now you look at our world, you want to know why our world is in the shape that it's in right now?

It's because Ishmael is representative of the conflict that we see now between the Arab people and God's people.

The prophecy over Ishmael is he will be like a wild donkey.

And I shared that verse with my children just a few weeks ago, and they said, Dad, you can't say stuff like that.

I said, I'm just saying what the scripture says.

And so when we look, we look at the consequences of sin, listen, it goes way beyond what we can imagine or what we could think.

What we're dealing with in our world now, in this conflict that we've seen over, even intensified over the last couple of years, is indicative of the consequences of sin and disobedience and not waiting on the promise of the Lord.

Now, how does that apply to us?

How about when we're we're tired of waiting for our spouse to change?

And so we we want to take things, take, take matters into our own hands.

I'm tired of waiting for things to get better between us.

And so we just stop pursuing uh connection and so we become emotionally distant.

I'm tired of waiting for God to provide.

Maybe it's financial pressures or job situations.

And instead of waiting for God's uh provision, we rush into decisions out of panic or comparison.

I'm tired of waiting for intimacy, whether it's affection or communication or physical intimacy.

We we feel distant.

And sometimes when that happens, we're tempted to find our needs met somewhere else, which is the wrong, absolutely wrong step to take.

I'm tired of waiting for our prayers to be answered.

And so sometimes we say, What's the point?

I'm tired of waiting for healing.

Whether it's it's an old wound, whether it's physical, emotional, mental.

And so instead of inviting God into the process, we rush through trying to avoid the pain at all cost that leads us into poor and poorer decisions.

Jill and I, I joke, we we were married at 31 and 30.

And and I laugh about it, but it's it was it was it's an actual actual fact.

Well, we talked, hey, we're not spring chickens anymore.

If we're gonna get married, let's go ahead and have kids.

And so we found out that that we that there were some infertility issues, and and God showed up.

And so after a miscarriage, we we had Josiah, and then and then you know, she said again, she said, Hey, let's go ahead and let's try to have another child.

She said, We can we go back to the doctor through using fertility and uh um uh medication.

We had Abigail, and we thought, hey, we're done, we're good to go.

And so I'll never forget.

We'd moved over here to Walton County, and and we were unpacking a house, and Jill, I mean, you know her, she can just go.

I mean, she could, she's such a hard worker, has so much energy, and she was just like, Man, I I can't unpack one more box.

I said, What's up?

I said, Are you?

And she said, Don't say it.

And so on her 40 uh birthday, she went into labor, and on the next day Caleb was born.

Yes, God, now on the on the front end of that, though we we had to trust the Lord.

When you when you throw in uh infertility, uh miscarriage, some of you have been there, some of you are there.

And so there are times that we can be going through something like that, that we're tempted to manage the promise instead of trust the promise.

Which leads us to the fourth and final fear, fear of insecurity.

What if I'm not enough?

What if I'm not enough is the question that goes with that.

And after Sarah has her husband sleep with another woman, Hagar, she gets pregnant.

We see Sarah, even though she had set all this up herself, she immediately begins to blame her husband for what she's experiencing.

And you see the insecurity, the fear that brings that comes with insecurity creeping up into her life.

And here's what you see in Genesis 16, verses 5 and 6.

Genesis 16:5

Then Sarah said to Abram, This is your fault.

You see it?

I mean, we we just play the blame game.

The blame game is nothing new, it goes all the way back to the garden.

This is your fault.

I gave my slave girl to you, and when she became pregnant, she began to treat me badly.

Let the Lord decide who is right, you or me.

Which, by the way, if you're in conflict with your spouse, I don't know that I would draw that kind of line in the sand.

Y'all know my wife.

That's not a line I draw in the sand.

But listen, but Abram said to Sarai, You are Hager's mistress.

Do anything you want to her.

Then Sarai was hard on Hager, and Hager ran away, which leads back to what I've talked about, the state of the world today, out of this one family dysfunctional dynamic.

And so once she becomes pregnant, she's she's insecure.

These insecurities come to the surface.

She feels uh replaced, overlooked, exposed.

And so the woman she once controlled now carries what she couldn't, and that comparison crushes her spirit.

And so the same whisper that whispers into the mind of a husband or a wife today is the whisper, you might be hearing this, you're not enough.

You're not enough.

And can I tell you, if you are in Christ, if you are in Christ, He has given you the identity as an adopted child of the Heavenly Father, which the message you need to hear is you are enough in Christ.

You're enough in Christ.

And so we don't have to become defensive, we don't have to be competitive, we don't have to be controlling, and we don't have to be resentful.

And so today, as we move into this time of communion, where we celebrate, we celebrate what Christ has done to bring us to a place where we can move forward in healthy relationships, healthy marriages, where we understand, hey, we are going.

We are all about the going.

So in Genesis 12, Abraham, God says, Hey, go.

Go into this land.

It's not the place of comfort.

Jesus reaffirmed the plan to go.

In Matthew 28, he says, Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, of the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

And he says, I will be with you until the end of the age.

And so as we come to the table of communion, I want to jump back to the verse from this past week where Jesus says, Hey, when you feel the pressure of life, you are invited to come.

Come.

Look at this verse with me.

Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest.

Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives.

Other translations say, rest for your souls.

The burden that I ask you to accept is easy, and the load that I give you is light.

And so as we come to the table, this is a time to remember what Jesus has done for us in lightening our load.

He lived and he died and he took upon himself all the punishment that we all deserved.

He fought hell, he fought death, he fought the grave, and he was victorious so you and I can come to this table and remember how he gave his life.

How he became a substitute.

And it's really a time for us to reconnect and remember what he's done in the past so we can continue to move forward with what he's called to now.

And so as we come to the table, I want you to think about Jesus at the Passover meal with his disciples.

He took the bread and he broke the bread and he said, This is my body that has been broken for you.

And then he took the cup, the fruit of the vine, the wine, and he said, Take this and drink.

This is my blood shed for you.

And here's what he says He says, I won't partake of this again until we meet in the kingdom.

You know what he's referring to?

He's referring to the wedding banquet of the Lamb.

And where the church, as the bride of Christ, will be spotless and be able to wear white, not because of our own righteousness, but because the righteousness that Jesus has covered us with.

We can be a spotless bride on that special wedding day at that special celebration, and we will come to the table and we'll celebrate the inauguration of the kingdom of God as a reality.

Not something future, but something present.

And what we need to know today is we partake of it, the kingdom of God has come.

He says, repent and believe the good news.

And so as we come and celebrate communion, it is a celebration of a future wedding day where we will be joined rightfully so with our groom, Jesus Christ.

And we'll partake with him once again of this meal.

And so would you pray with me?

Let's pray together.

Father, thank you for the hope that we have in Christ and the hope that we have that He is with us right now, but also the hope that we have in the future celebration that we'll partake in.

We come to this table, Father, to remember your goodness and your grace.

We come to this table also looking forward to a special banquet that we'll have with you, where we will celebrate, eat together, partake of the bread and the wine in the presence of our Savior, at the fulfillment of all of his promises.

And so as we do so today, let us look back and remember what he's done for us and let us look forward.

And I want to encourage you, if you are here and there's something going on with your marriage, maybe, maybe everything's great, and maybe you can just whisper to one another and say that you are so thankful for one another.

You might need to reach over and have a prayer with your spouse or or pray with them when you get home to see them a little bit later.

And if you're if you're not married, maybe this is a chance for you to say, you know what?

Heavenly Father, I want to rest in you.

I want to see my promises fulfilled in you.

You are enough.

And God may be preparing you for marriage.

Father, would you work in us?

Speak to us, lead us, and guide us.

It's in Jesus' name we pray.

And everybody said together.

Amen.