Forgiveness | Bob Hoyt

Welcome, everybody. Welcome online. Happy Mother's

Day to moms. My name is Bob. I am the discipleship

pastor here at Heights. So with my job, I have

the opportunity to help people take steps to

mature in their faith and learn to follow Jesus

more fully. And I love my job. I'm not up here

a lot, but I love what I do. I was up here a

couple weeks ago talking about a recent missions

trip to Dominican Republic. And it really is

amazing what we do down there. So we work with

Casa Misionera and we work with a church called

Iglesia de Restauracion. But our main thing is

we work with these students who they want to

learn leadership. So we go down there to teach

leadership. In fact, their mission vision statement

for Casa Misionera is training the future Christian

leaders of tomorrow today. And so I get excited

because we're going to go down and teach leadership.

So as we're planning the trip, you know, we're

talking online with them and stuff. And they

go, oh, but Bob, you will preach on a Sunday

at church. And I do love preaching at the church,

but it's stressful for me sometimes. So I'm like,

okay, we're good. We're good. So that Sunday

comes, I preach at the church and it went well

and everything was good. But if I'm honest, I

just sat there like relieved that that part was

over. And now I get to focus on leadership. And

so we did it. The next day, we're on the bus.

We went to public schools to preach the gospel.

We had lunch. And then I would say it was probably

like 2 in the afternoon. We're on our way to

a work project. And the leader for Casa Misionera

comes up and goes, tonight when you're preaching.

And I'm like, OK, what? And she goes, yeah, you're

preaching tonight. And here's the thing. I'm

on a missions trip. I want to try to be as flexible

as I can and do whatever they ask of me. But

I'd only prepared one message. And I'm like,

it takes me a long time because I want to do

a lot of research and make sure I'm doing God's

word justice. And I'm like, OK. So I skipped

the rest of the afternoon work thing. And I got

my computer out. And I'm in the bus working on

something. And the night came, did it. And it

was OK. It felt OK. Done with it. Well, then

the next day, we're doing work projects. And

we're doing this. And then 2 o 'clock in the

afternoon, they go, so tonight when you're preaching.

And I'm like, OK, I'm going to stop you right

there. So what I did instead is I had our team

give testimonies and one of our team members

taught, and it was amazing, better than I could

have ever done. But I say all that because today

I really felt like I had time to prep, and I

really feel like God laid a message on my heart.

And to introduce the topic, I want to tell you

something that happened on the missions trip.

So we're in this small village putting on a tin

roof on this building. And I'd say, you're on

this dirt patch, probably about as big as this.

So our team's kind of spread out talking to people.

And one of the guys on the trip, he's 19 years

old. His name is Jackson. He is playing with

this mangy, nasty, ugly little stray cat. And

he's petting it and stuff. So one of the elders

on our trip, Kip was on the trip. So Kip comes

over, he goes. I'm going to mess with Jackson.

Just go along with it. So I'm like, okay. So

I just kind of walk away because I'm going to

follow a lead. So I hear him go up to Jackson.

He goes, were you petting that cat? And he goes,

yeah, why? He goes, well, it has worms. And Jackson's

like, well, I don't see worms. He goes, you don't

see worms. And Kip goes on to explain how he

knows that this cat has worms. So at this point,

I figured I'm set up to come over. So I come

over and Jackson comes at me like this. And I

go, whoa, whoa, don't hug me. Were you petting

that cat? And he goes, yeah, why? I go, well,

it obviously has worms. He goes, what? I go,

it does. And I said, you just got that fresh

tattoo on your hand. That's how they get in.

And he goes, what? I go, they will. They'll get

in through that open sore on your hand. And he

looks horrified. So then Kip goes on to explain.

All the horrible symptoms in graphic detail that

would start happening as the day and night went

on. So I'm trying not to laugh. I'm like, I just

got to walk away. So I leave and I see Jackson

going over to every woman on our trip like, hey,

do you have hand sanitizer? And he's like doing

the whole bathing thing, trying not to laugh.

So then a little bit later, Pastor Alessandro

is talking to me and he only speaks Spanish.

So I get words and phrases. I don't get the whole

thing. But as I'm talking to him, Jackson comes

up, and Jackson's here, and I'm talking to Alessandro.

And I see he keeps looking over at Jackson. He

talked to me and looked at me. I don't even know

what he's saying. So he walks away, and Jackson

goes, what was he saying? I said, I think he's

worried that we should take you to the hospital

right now. Then I see him bathing two more bottles

of hand sanitizer. So a little later, I thought,

you just see him doing this. And I'm like, we

got to tell him. So it's just a joke. Well, Jackson

was part of a 12 -step program, and he went through

step work. So he goes, I just added you to my

step four. And step four is you take a moral

inventory of people that have wronged you or

hurt you in horrible ways with the idea of forgiving

them. So he's not in this service, but I think

he's forgiving me now. I think he did his step

four. But I would say this. As funny as the story

is, forgiveness really is a big deal. And forgiveness

or the lack of forgiveness that you have, it

affects you spiritually, and we'll talk about

that. But it also affects you emotionally and

physically. So I read a recent study from John

Hopkins, and it says this. Unforgiveness is linked

to higher incidences of stress, heart disease,

high blood pressure, lowered immune response.

anxiety, depression, and other issues. It does

affect you. And I don't know if you've heard

this saying before, but unforgiveness is like

drinking poison yourself and waiting for the

other person to die. The other person is rarely,

if ever, affected, but it can slowly kill you.

And God knows unforgiveness is not good for us.

He made you. He designed us, and he knows us

intimately. So he has a lot to say about unforgiveness.

And so I want to look at Matthew 18 today because

he speaks so strongly about the subject of forgiveness.

So if you have Bibles with you or your phones

and you want to turn there, it's Matthew 18.

We're going to start in verse 21 and 22. And

it says this. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,

Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother

or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?

Jesus answered, I tell you, not seven times,

but 70 -7 times, or it might say 70 times 7.

So in the verses prior to this, Jesus is speaking

about what happens if a brother or sister sins

against you. So we don't know Peter's motive

for asking the question. He may have wanted to

know more about forgiveness. He may have realized

he had something against a brother, one of the

disciples. or he may have been trying to make

himself look good because Jewish tradition at

that time said you were obligated to forgive

a brother for the same offense three times. But

if they did the same thing the fourth time, you

were no longer obligated to forgive because it

kind of proved that they were unrepentant. So

Peter must have felt pretty generous because

he takes the Jewish tradition of three, multiplies

it by two, And adds one. So seven sounds pretty

generous. But Jesus knows that Peter's thoughts

of generosity are human thoughts and not God's

thoughts. And he wants Peter to know how extravagant

it is. So he goes, not seven times, Peter, 70

times seven. The number, it wasn't about the

number. What it was about is how extravagant

and endless forgiveness is. Some of you know

that I used to be a mailman in Cleveland, Ohio,

and I have a hidden talent that I don't want

to brag about. They keep saying they're going

to switch this to the smaller target, but I could

shoot a rubber band. It's pretty amazing. The

reason I say that is because we used to shoot

each other with rubber bands all the time at

the post office. It was this nonstop thing that

we would do with each other, all the guys. Does

anyone in here work for the post office? Anyone?

Do you guys do that still? You do, see? It's

so fun, isn't it? So I love it, and I was really

good at it, and those things really do hurt.

But I worked with a Christian. One of the mailmen

was a Christian. His name was Mark Burke. And

he worked directly behind me, so he'd be probably

right where that screen is. And you're in a case,

so every once in a while I'd just turn around

and peg him. And I'd get him pretty good, you

know. And so then one day, he never shot back.

And then he comes up and he goes, I'm going to

start keeping track. I go, of what? He goes,

you shooting me? Because Jesus said I only have

to forgive 70 times 7. And I didn't realize,

but he got a piece of paper, and apparently he

was marking it. And every time... and then I

guess I hit 491 at one point, and he just unleashed

on me. I was kind of just at my case like this,

and I got hit so bad. It was so bad that later

that day I went to the gym to work out, and after

I was done working out, I was getting dressed.

I had my shirt off, and some guy is staring at

me. So I'm like, do we have a problem? He goes,

yeah, I think we do. I think you have a disease

or ringworm or something. You've got all these

round welts all over your back. I go. Oh, no,

no, no, I just work over at the post office.

Which at the time I said that, I don't even know

why I thought that would answer the whole thing

for him. I never saw him at the gym after that

either. It was so weird. By the way, this is

why I keep notes out here, because I tend to

stray off subject a little bit. But the point

is, it wasn't about forgiving 490 times. The

point is, the forgiveness we get is endless.

It's not a number, it's a heart stance. And to

drive the point home, Jesus goes a little further

to try to explain it. So in verses 23 through

27, it says this. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven

is like a king who wanted to settle accounts

with his servants. As he began the settlement,

a man who owed him 10 ,000 bags of gold, or 10

,000 talents, depending on your translation,

was brought to him. Since he was not able to

pay, The master ordered that he and his wife

and his children and all that he had be sold

to repay the debt. At this, the servant fell

to his knees before him. Be patient with me,

he begged, and I will pay you back everything.

The servant's master took pity on him, canceled

the debt, and let him go. Now, I want to give

you an idea of how much this is. So 10 ,000 talents

or 10 ,000 bags of gold that they had back then,

They estimate now that that would be in the realm

of $6 billion. And obviously there's no way to

pay that back. So as a husband and father, it

would be one of the darkest days of my life,

if not the darkest. I really can't think of anything

worse than you're going to sell off my wife and

my kids. It's all because of me. I would probably

feel like the ultimate failure as a father and

as a husband. And I think it's fair to say it

was the lowest point in this man's life. Imagine,

all this is going to happen and there's nothing

you can do about it. There's no way to pay it

back. I also think it's interesting that Peter

asked about forgiveness and Jesus talks about

money. But we can see how it relates. Because

we talk about debt forgiveness, forgiveness of

a loan. So they relate. But we're talking about

spiritual, emotional forgiveness that people

need. And there was a study done of people in

nursing homes. So they went and they asked them,

they said, if you could live your life over,

how would you live it differently? So here are

people in their 80s and 90s. Their top three

answers were this. Number one, they would take

more walks. I love number two, they would eat

more ice cream. And number three, they would

forgive more people. And then we're asked about

that, and here are these people in their 80s

and 90s that realized they were holding on to

wrongs done to them way back from elementary

school that a teacher or a classmate might have

said to them, but they've been carrying this

around their whole life. And there's so many

people in our culture today that are carrying

around hurts and burdens. From so long ago, there's

a fact I can tell you. Hurting people hurt people.

And we see it with all the hate around us. It's

people carrying around hurts and then going on

to hurt someone else. Now, this is an older story,

but I remember it well. I think it was 2006.

A 32 -year -old man went into an Amish school

in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. It was a one -room

classroom. He split the boys and girls on each

side, started letting the boys go one by one,

and then he started shooting the girls. He killed

five of them and then took his own life. And

I remember at the time seeing the news, every

news channel, the first thing they said is they

couldn't believe how quick the Amish community

was to forgive. But then on one of the stations,

they interviewed the wife of the shooter. And

she said he had been hanging on to unforgiveness

for over a decade. And this is how it finally

came out. Because again, hurting people hurt

people. But if we look back at verses 26 and

27, I want to reread this. At this, the servant

fell on his knees before him. Be patient with

me, he begged, and I will pay back everything.

The servant's master took pity on him, canceled

the debt. and let him go. You're before the master

at this point. All you can do is fall to your

knees and beg forgiveness. And I think it's interesting

that this servant says, I'll pay back everything

I owe. It's six billion. I'm not sure he understood

how much he had been forgiven, but it says that

the master had pity or compassion on him. He

released him. He didn't just defer the debt.

He paid it off. He canceled it. And that's exactly

what Jesus does for us. He sees our sins. He

sees our brokenness. And he says, I want to have

compassion on you. I want to release you and

pay off your debt. I'm going to speak for me,

but I'm probably speaking for all of you too.

I've racked up such an extraordinary amount of

sin or debt that I could never pay it back. It's

six billion. And in Romans, it says, the wages

of our sin or our debt is death. That's eternal

separation from God. And yet Jesus took the debt,

paid it off, and he says, all you have to do

is accept my forgiveness and believe in me. Why?

Because the master, God, had compassion on us.

So when you hear that, how does that make you

feel? Think about all that you've been forgiven.

Because I would say this, that kind of love demands

a response. If you're not a Christian, you're

not a follower of Jesus, this is so important

because you could never pay back the debt that

you've accumulated. And for those of you who

are followers, I hope you're reminded of how

much you've been forgiven. That six billion should

ring a bell for you. But I want to go back to

the servant. Because if this servant really understood

what he'd been forgiven, how should he have felt?

How should he have responded? Because he responds

totally wrong. Look at verse 28 and 29. It says

this. But when the servant went out, he found

one of his fellow servants who owed him 100 silver

coins or denarii. He grabbed him and began to

choke him. Pay back what you owe me, he demanded.

His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged

him. Be patient with me and I will pay it back.

Now, 100 denarii is a debt. They say in our day,

100 denarii would be somewhere around 11 ,000.

It's a significant debt. It's a significant wrong.

But compared to the billions that he owed, it

is absolutely nothing. So you see this servant

respond the same way the first one did. He falls

to his knees and begs for forgiveness, almost

word for word saying the same thing. But we see

this servant respond totally differently than

the master. Matthew 18 .30 says this, but he

refused. Instead, he had the man thrown into

prison until he could pay back the debt. When

the other servants saw what had happened, they

were outraged and went and told their master

everything that had happened. The master called

the servant in. You wicked servant, he said,

I canceled all the debt of yours because you

begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on

your fellow servant just as I had on you? In

anger, his master handed him over to the jailers

to be tortured until he should pay back all he

owed. This is how my heavenly father will treat

each of you unless you forgive your brother or

sister from the heart. I want to say this. The

king's response is right and just. There had

to be a payment. Without justice, there would

be total chaos. And Jesus made the payment for

us. But I think the verse that keeps popping

into my head that gets my attention is 35, where

it says, this is how my heavenly father will

treat each of you unless you forgive each other

or forgive your brother from the heart. And I

know this is super hard to hear, but Jesus says

this pretty much about the same thing earlier

in Matthew. In Matthew 6, 14 and 15, it says

this. For if you forgive other people when they

sin against you, your heavenly Father will also

forgive you. But if you do not forgive others

their sins, your Father will not forgive your

sins. Those are really tough words to hear from

Jesus. I think it's fair to say that Jesus takes

unforgiveness very seriously. And if you're in

this room and you call yourself a believer or

a follower of Jesus, It's not an option to not

forgive. And I believe that like the first servant,

if he's sitting there and he won't forgive the

second servant, I wonder if he really understood

and embraced what he had been forgiven. And that's

why I would ask us today, do we understand what

we've been forgiven? Because it would respond

differently. So I heard a lot of you, I don't

know if you know Sean McDowell. He's a Christian

apologetics expert. And so what he does is he

does conferences and he defends the Bible. So

he was doing one in Southern Cal. He said there

was probably about four or five thousand people.

But the people who put the conference together

told him right before, hey, you're going to have

a lot of non -Christians tonight. And they said,

in fact, one of them is an ex -youth pastor.

He just turned his back on the Lord about a month

ago and left Jesus completely. And Sean said,

do you know him? And he goes, yeah. He goes,

do you think he'd meet with me prior? Because

I'd really like to hear his story. So the guy

talked to him and he agreed to meet with Sean.

So they met for about an hour prior to the conference.

And Sean said, hey, I heard you were this youth

pastor and you walked away from your faith. I

just want to know your story. And instead of

telling the story, the young man just said, I

just, I don't understand why God is so silent.

And I don't know why I don't see more miracles

and things from him. He said, all I feel is the

absence of God. And Sean said, at that point,

he's sitting there and all of a sudden, all these

names of people who could answer all these questions

were coming through his head. And Sean said,

I felt inadequate. I didn't know what to say.

So he said, all I did is he said, well, can I

ask you a question? And the young man said, well,

yeah. And he said, we can talk about you leaving

the faith, but can you tell me when did you come

to faith? When did you realize that you were

a sinner in need of God's forgiveness? And he

said the young man's eyes got as big as saucers.

He looked like a deer in the headlights. And

he said, I didn't become a Christian because

I was a sinner. I became a Christian because

I was hurting and everyone told me Jesus would

make me feel better. That's a false gospel. This

kid never understood what Jesus did for him.

He was never in relationship with Jesus. He never

had an experience with Jesus. And Sean McDowell

said at that same talk, he was like, every time

I meet someone who says they walked away from

the faith, he said, I would guarantee they never

had a faith. He said they never understood Jesus'

forgiveness. He said they would say things like,

he said, well, when did you become a Christian?

When did you know Jesus died for your sins? Well,

I've just always been a Christian. Well, then

you don't get it. You didn't understand or accept

the forgiveness he offers. And I think, I feel

the same thing about people when they say they

refuse to forgive. A brother, maybe they never

understood what they were forgiven. Because if

you understand forgiveness, you pay that forward.

We've all been forgiven an extraordinary amount

of debt. And you could be sitting here thinking,

well, Bob, I'm not really that bad. I have never

killed anybody. I've never been to jail. I've

never done drugs. I waited to have sex till I

was married. I did this, this, and this. And

I would say those are the people that have been

forgiven the six billion that don't get it. And

I would compare it to the story of the prodigal

son. The younger son went off and did wild living,

but the older son was full of pride. Pride is

sin. He was just as lost as the younger son,

but in a different way. I heard it said that

pride can blind you from ever seeing your need

for forgiveness. And as I'm saying all this,

I don't want to diminish. the wrongs that have

been done to you. Some of you might have been

wronged in terrible ways. And I will tell you,

I've been wronged in horrible ways before. But

I, in comparison to what Jesus has and continues

to forgive me for, honestly, it's nothing. Because

I know I could never pay back that debt. But

do you know that? Because forgiveness isn't easy,

and I think it would be impossible for me if

I didn't understand Jesus' forgiveness, and if

I didn't have the power of the Holy Spirit to

help me forgive others. I mentioned earlier,

I said hurting people hurt people, but I think

the opposite is true. Forgiving people forgive

people. And I've been forgiven so much, how could

I not? And I would say this about it, forgiveness

is very healing. I'll tell you a story. About

15 years ago at Heights, we started this discipleship

program called CTO. Some of you might've been

here. It's called Call to Obedience. So what

they would have us do as a staff is you would

go with your spouse. So me and my wife went and

we would meet with the people that wrote the

program and they would tell us how to use it.

Well, literally week one, the whole thing was

about forgiveness. That's what they started with.

So the lady said, hey, here's what we're gonna

do, Bob. I'm gonna write down your dad's name.

And so she wrote it down. She goes, now tell

me every way your dad has sinned against you.

And I'm like, what? And she goes, everything

your dad has done to wrong you. So I'm telling

her stuff. And she goes, well, okay, so now we're

going to forgive your dad. I go, I've already

forgiven him. She goes, no, but you just got

to how we do it so you learn. So we went in the

backyard. She said, would you pray over this

forgiveness list? And I'm going to burn it. So

she started on fire. I prayed and it was over

and it was great. So then the following was,

she goes, okay, we're going to do something different

today. We're going to make a list of how you

wronged your dad. And I'm like, well, I never.

With a few prodding questions, I realized all

these things that I had done and not done to

sin against my dad. So we're getting ready to

leave and she goes, okay, so this week you're

going to call your dad and ask for forgiveness.

And I said, well, you don't know my dad. He's

not going to like this at all. I said, this could

go really south. And she kept insisting. She

goes, well, you have to do it. So I kept putting

it off. And each week, we'd go back for the next

lesson. She goes, how did the talk go with your

dad? Oh, it's just been a busy week. Haven't

called him yet, but I will. So finally, I call

my dad up. I say, hey, dad, I'm doing this Bible

study. And I need to ask for forgiveness from

some things I've done to you. And he said in

some really choice words that I'm not going to

use. why I don't need to do that and why I don't

need to forgive him. So I said, well, I really

don't have a choice. So I start telling him all

the things I was asking forgiveness for. And

the phone's dead, blank. And I'm like, I got

something new to add to his list now because

he just hung up on me. And then I realized my

dad's crying. And my dad is not like that. And

all he says to me is he said, you never had to

ask. I will tell you this about that relationship.

Now, prior to that conversation, I would say

I talked to my dad maybe once every two or three

months. I talked to my dad every day, almost.

Every week I'm on the phone with him at least

once. In fact, I just talked to him this morning.

Because forgiveness is so healing. And I'll say

some of you, probably it might be the day that

you need to forgive yourself. We recently put

together a Bible study here, a one -on -one discipleship

called Follow. And one of the questions in there

is, is it easier to forgive yourself or others?

Everyone I've asked that question to, it's been

100 % harder to forgive yourself. And I'd say

this about that. If God has forgiven you, who

are you to remember it anymore? Because if you're

in Christ, you're a new creation. The old things

have died and passed away. So why are you hanging

around the cemetery trying to dig those things

back up? And even today, we battle sin and sometimes

we lose, but that debt's been paid too. So maybe

today is the day that you just need to forgive

yourself to move forward. If you don't forgive

yourself, Again, I'll say maybe you don't understand

God's forgiveness. But as we're talking about

forgiveness, I want to tell you a few things

that forgiveness isn't. Forgiveness isn't a feeling.

Because as we're sitting here, I'm sure some

names are popping in your head that you need

to forgive, and you're sitting there going, well,

I don't feel like forgiving them. You're probably

never going to feel like forgiving them. Forgiveness

is done out of obedience, not a feeling. But

I will tell you from personal experience, once

I've done it out of obedience, the feeling usually

follows. And forgiveness is not forgetting or

ignoring the wrong that was done to you. It's

not letting someone off the hook. The wrong that

was done to you was real. I don't think we need

to make excuses for those people either and say

things like, well, we all mess up and they didn't

mean it. Again, what they did was real. And we

can't forget it. So sometimes triggers will happen

where that wrong comes back up, and you've got

to pray that again and give forgiveness. And

forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same.

Forgiveness is a choice to release a hurt. Reconciliation

is restoring a relationship. Forgiveness can

be granted. without restoring the relationship,

because sometimes it's harmful to step back into

that. So I want to do something special. I think

a lot of times we're in church, and I feel like

we're supposed to respond to God's Word every

time we're in here. God's Word is so important,

and we hear that, and if nothing changes, it's

like faith without works is dead. So some of

you are sitting in here today, and you know Holy

Spirit's prodding you on a few things. We want

to give you a chance and the opportunity to respond

to that. And I will say this, there's probably

a couple things that are touching your heart.

Number one, maybe you never realized the six

billion that you owe. And maybe today is the

day that you're sitting here saying, I want to

accept the payoff of my debt. I want to step

into relationship with Jesus Christ. Maybe you're

sitting here today and these people that are

coming to your head that you think you can't

forgive, but you're a Christian, you're a believer,

but you don't know how to release that and you

don't know how to let go of those hurts. So here's

what I would love to do. We're gonna have the

band come back up and they're gonna play a song,

but we're gonna be down in front. I'm gonna come

down there. We're gonna have some of the prayer

team down there, but I will tell you, if you

feel, God is talking to you right now to respond.

Please don't miss an opportunity. Don't leave

here saying, I should have. Do what he's asking

you to do. Let me pray. Heavenly Father, Father,

first of all, I just thank you for your forgiveness.

Thank you for paying a debt that we could have

never paid, Father. We love you. And Father,

I pray, For people out here today that are realizing

the debt that was paid, understanding your love

and your forgiveness, Father, I pray that you

would give them courage and boldness to come

forward and tell someone that the decision they've

made, Father, so you can use others to help on

that walk, Father. We're a family. We want to

walk this together. And Father, I pray for those

that are struggling, Christian brothers that

are struggling to let go. of hurts, of burdens

and wrongs, Lord. I pray today would be the day

they release that, Father. And again, for them,

I pray courage and boldness, Father, that they

would be able to come forward, talk and pray

this through, Lord. Father, we love you so much

and thank you so much for the opportunity to

respond to your word. In Jesus' name.