How To Divorce Proof Your Marriage

You know, the last three or four weeks we've been praying about for God to do a miracle in all of our hearts, concerning our finances, concerning everything about our finances.

And I personally believe that our finances can be in order, and we have a healthy savings account, and all good things are happening in our finances.

But if our marriage is on the rock, then none of that really matters, does it?

And I believe that in the next four or five weeks, I'm going to just prophetically say something over this next series.

And again, Pastor Robert's going to speak the next three or four weeks after this on marriage.

But I believe a miracle is going to happen in our marriages in the next four weeks.

I believe we're going to have more testimonies, in fact, of what God is doing in our marriages than we will in the area of finances.

Because God wants to bring healing to marriages.

Do you believe that this morning?

Well, do it.

I'm glad you're on my side.

Return with me now to Matthew chapter 19.

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

I'm going to speak just for a few minutes on how to divorce-proof your marriage.

I want to say that and all the marriage counseling that I've been doing lately, and all the things that I read about marriage across America, the people that I hear speak, the television shows that I hear, the things that I see on CNN and CNBC, and all these things that I read and think, I believe that America has given up on marriage.

I believe that the idea of living happily together as a man and a wife, coexisting together in a healthy, fruitful relationship, that that idea passed away some times ago in America.

That they've basically given up on the idea of.

But Jesus has not given up on it.

In fact, the marriage, the institution of marriage, both predated the church and will post-date the church.

And the very first relationship on the earth, that there was such an attack against relationships.

And Adam and Eve is even as they were in the garden, the first attack of the enemy was against the relationship between men and women.

You know today that Satan is a strategist.

That Satan wants to strategically attack marriages.

I want you to understand the plans and purposes that the enemy has against your relationships.

Do you know, for example, that if every pastor in this church lost their marriage, and every elder in this church lost their marriage, and every deacon in this church lost their marriage, and every usher in this church lost their marriage, and every children's ministry worker, volunteer lost their marriage, and every person that attended this congregation lost their marriage, that this church would cease to exist.

That chaos would sweep the country because people lose their marriages.

You see, marriage is the ministry cells of the church.

It has been from the very beginning that God has designed church to be an overflow of your marriage.

Do you know really the reason why God has blessed us and his presence is in our church?

It's because in homes across this region, there are healthy marriages.

And this church, in every healthy church that you've ever attended, is simply the overflow of healthy marriages that are happening in the homes.

Privately, behind closed doors, healthy marriages overflow into the church.

It's not the other way around.

Healthy churches don't overflow back into the home.

Healthy marriages overflow into the church.

And we know that, we understand that.

And so for us to have a healthy church, for gateway to be a model, for gateway to be a world-changing church, for us to even come close to fulfilling the vision that is on our hearts for our church, it must start in the home with healthy marriages.

But a society has given up on it.

I'm here today to convince you, and in the next four weeks, we're here to convince you that we have not given up on your marriage.

I have not given up on your marriage, and I certainly have not given up on my own.

But America has.

In fact, 61% of women ages 18 to 49, this is in a Time magazine poll in August of 2000, 61% of women between the ages of 18 and 49 say they would consider raising a child on their own.

That it was no longer necessary, they say, in this poll, for a man and a woman to be married, and that that was not necessarily the best atmosphere for a child to be raised in.

That it was actually a little better if there was one healthy, happy adult raising the child on their own, that children are actually better off, they believe, without the tension of a marriage relationship going on under the roof of the house.

In fact, today 67% of first-time marriages will end in divorce by the fourth year.

In fact, the percentages of divorce within the church is actually now higher, according to George Barner, than outside the church.

It's only a few percentage points, but actually, people who profess Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior have a greater percentage of divorces than those who do not profess Christ as Lord and Savior.

Do you believe me now that Satan is a strategist?

That he has a plan, that he's working his plan.

And he's working it very well.

But today I've come to raise up a standard against that and to expose to you today some lies that maybe many of us are believing today about our marriage.

And the first lie that most of us are believing is when will it all end?

I'm telling you today, prophetically and supernaturally, that the Lord's come today to heal your marriage.

And even if your marriage is great, even if you have a wonderful marriage, even if maybe today you're experiencing the best time you've ever had in your marriage.

I believe today that the Lord even wants to take you to a new place, a new level, a new understanding, a new commitment, and a new passion for another one for another.

So I want to give you four things today about how to divorce proof your marriage.

The first thing is keep the marriage covenant sacred.

Now let's read in Matthew chapter 19, verse 3 through 6.

Matthew 19:3–6

It says some Pharisees came to him to test him.

Because marriage was a very controversial issue during this time, by the way.

You know this.

That the Pharisees, that people were just divorcing for every reason.

I mean, divorce is rampant in the day of Jesus.

This is not a 2002 phenomenon that's happening.

Divorce was rampant.

Men were just putting away their wives because they got tired of them, and there was anarchy and chaos going on in the family, even during Jesus' time.

And some Pharisees came to him to test him and they asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

And Jesus said, Haven't you read that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

So they are no longer two but one.

Therefore, what God is joined together, let man not separate.

You see, from the beginning, God said, When a man and woman come together, I as the Lord am putting my endorsement.

I am setting them into a holy covenant.

That God took this very seriously.

So it doesn't matter where you were married, if you were married on a cruise ship or in a church or wherever, you made a holy covenant, one with another, before the Lord, before witnesses, before maybe your family, before your bride's family, before your husband's family, before all of your friends, but most importantly, before the Lord Himself.

You said, I will take this woman, I will take this man, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, no matter what happens in my life.

I am married to this person, I am committed to their well-being, for their self-fulfillment, for their purposes in God's kingdom.

Did you know you said all that?

I've done enough writing, I've memorized that.

That's what I said.

When I was 22 years old and got married, I didn't understand that I was saying all those things.

I thought it was just part of the ceremony that I needed to get through.

In fact, when I was 22, I thought I didn't take any of it that seriously.

Now, I did marry for life when I got married.

I knew that.

But I didn't have any clue about how to make all that happen.

And I've I've really been on the job training for 13 years.

And I appreciate Pam sticking it out with me until I can figure it all out.

The other day, by the way, you know the difference between a covenant and a contract?

You see, most of us are in contract marriages.

But a covenant marriage is a prearranged set of conditions that are designed to create a healthy marriage.

In a covenant marriage, I want you to write this down, in a covenant marriage, both spouses rescind all their rights and accept all of the responsibilities.

In a contract marriage, both spouses keep as many rights as possible and accept very few, if any, responsibility for the marriage.

That's the difference between a covenant and a contract.

And do you know why that America doesn't understand covenant?

It's because most of us are contract Christians.

We protect all of our rights.

We come to Christ and we want all the benefits, but we don't want to give up any of the rights.

And we certainly don't want to accept the responsibilities.

Yet Jesus Himself says if any man wants to follow me, if any man would come after me, he must take up his cross.

He must shoulder the burden of understanding that I've died to all my rights.

For example, do you know why that I don't get offended at people?

Now I might get upset with someone.

I might momentarily be aggravated or upset or I might have my feelings hurt for a short time.

But do you know why today I can honestly sit here today and tell you that I am offended at no person?

You know why?

I gave up my right to be offended when I was born again.

Jesus took my offense.

And I cannot be offended.

I cannot keep and harbor bitterness against my wife because Jesus took all of that on the cross for me.

You see, I've surrendered all those things.

I've given up all my rights.

And now I've accepted all the responsibilities.

I have a responsibility to live my life before my children.

I have a responsibility to live my life before my wife.

I have a responsibility to live my life before you as a pastor.

I accept all those responsibilities because I'm in covenant with you.

I'm in covenant with you.

And I'm in covenant with my wife, and I'm in a covenant with my children.

And therefore, I give up my rights to be offended, and I accept all the responsibilities.

Are you getting this today?

You see the difference?

Now, are you a contract Christian?

Are you a covenant Christian?

Because you cannot be a covenant marriage partner until you first become a covenant believer.

I'm a covenant believer first, and because of that, it makes it so easy now for me to enter into a covenant with a woman who loves me, who cares about me, who has my best interests at heart.

It's so easy now for my marriage to be healthy because first I'm in covenant with the Lord.

I'm never going back.

I have been sentenced to heaven, and I cannot get out of it, and that is too good a deal.

That's a covenant deal that Jesus gave me.

And I in turn now say back to my wife, I'm in a covenant relationship with you because I am in a covenant relationship with the Lord.

You see, the other day I was at Starbucks, and this young man walked in, he had shorts on, it was kind of a warm day, and on the back of his calf, he had this star of David about this big tattooed to his calf.

And at the top and at the bottom, he had this extremely offensive political statement just tattooed to the back of his calf.

And he walked in, and I could not believe what was written.

I mean, it was a powerful statement about Jews and Nazism, and he had it all tattooed right on the back.

I mean, I was impressed he had a calf big enough to put all that on.

It had put on my thigh, maybe, on my back.

But he had it all tattooed to his calf.

And I was looking at this guy, and I said, I told the guy I was with, I said, don't you think maybe a bumper sticker would have been a little better?

Don't you think that maybe uh he woke up one morning and realized that maybe he just woke up from being maybe sobered up and realized that somebody had stuck a tattoo with a Jewish statement and with a star of David and with this uh anti-Nazi uh this sentence that was terrible on the back of his calf.

You do you think that at what point in this, and I was going through all this with this guy, and he was standing right there.

I was hoping the guy would turn around because I wanted to ask him.

I said, What's what's the deal with the calf?

You know, I wanted to ask him, I promise you, I would have asked him if he'd made contact, and I had to know in my heart what made him do that.

And I wouldn't have gone, I wouldn't have come against him, I would have said, tell me the story behind your tattoo.

That's why I couldn't wait to hear the story.

But he never made eye contact, and I didn't want to embarrass the person I was with, so I just was quiet.

But we got to talking about it, and I said, you know, wouldn't it have been easier just to put the tattoo or put a bumper sticker on the back of your car?

Then maybe if you changed your mind about your political stance, that you could have, with a little hot water and a razor blade, taken that off your bumper.

But there, see, at some point in his life, he decided that that belief was so important to him that he made a statement I am going to permanently attach this to my body, that even when they bury me, this will go with me for eternity into my body.

And I am saying, by putting it on my body, that this is extremely vital to my belief system.

And then the Lord spoke to me in Starbucks.

You know the Lord speaks in Starbucks, by the way.

That was really encouraging that he actually lived in Starbucks.

But the Lord spoke to me in Starbucks and said, Brady, do you have a bumper sticker marriage?

Or do you have a marriage that's on tattoos?

And I began to think, how important do I think my marriage is?

Do I want it permanently affixed to every part of my being?

Or do I want a marriage that I can just get off and throw away with a little bit of water and a little bit of effort?

Or should I go to great length and great pain and great sacrifice to ever get it off my body?

Now listen, please, I'm not endorsing tattoos, okay?

That's between you and the Lord.

I have my own personal belief system about tattoos.

I am tattoo-free, and I'm proud to say that.

But if you have tattoos, God bless you, go be with you.

But I can share scripture with you if you want, but I'm not getting into that message today.

But the idea is this, he did believe strongly enough about it.

You see, and this is this is what I'm saying to you.

I want you to catch this.

Are you in a covenant marriage or not?

Is it so attached to you that nothing is going to take it off, nothing is going to remove you, nothing is going to separate you.

Because that's what Jesus has done for you.

We have contract marriages because we have contract Christianity.

I'm here today to just challenge you to a new way of thinking about a covenant in your heart toward one another.

The second way to divorce-proof your marriage is that you have to die to your selfish desires and you have to serve your mate.

And there's no way around this.

I wish I could stay here today and say that you can fulfill all the desires of your flesh and still be happily married, that you can fulfill all of your selfish ambitions, that you can fulfill all of your dreams, that you can keep all of your individuality and still be happily married.

However, the truth is, in Ephesians 5, verse 22, let's read some scriptures.

Ephesians 5:22

Let's see, this let's just read today what Scripture says about our flesh and about the way we are to look at one another as husbands and wives.

Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22.

Ephesians 5:22

Let's read three parts of this.

Verse 22 says, Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

Verse 25 says, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

And then verse 28 says, in the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself.

Isn't that amazing, guys?

That most of the burden does fall to the man.

But look, I want you to really hear something today, because I hear this many, many, many times in marriage counseling.

It's a fallacy that most of us have bought into.

And this is both for husbands and wives.

Nowhere in Scripture does it give the woman the right or the man the right to enforce this upon one another.

Men, you cannot enforce your leadership upon your wife.

And ladies, you cannot enforce his leadership and being the head of the home upon him.

Both of these are responsibilities of the person to accept this into their heart, to allow it to be revelation that they receive that changes them forever.

You see, for both the husband and the wife, Jesus is our example.

Because when Jesus came to the earth, he died for a people that were spitting and hitting and throwing and wounding and cursing him.

And in fact, only a handful of people would even show up in front of the cross to be with him.

And they stood at a distance because they didn't want to be even near him or shown to be near him.

Yet he died for them.

And he said, What did he say on the cross?

He said, Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they ought to do.

You see, he died for people that had not accepted him yet as Savior and Lord.

See, all the salvation would come later.

But the dying came first.

Are you getting this today?

Husbands, listen.

Your wife will change when you die.

Ladies, listen to me.

Your husband will change after your death.

Jesus died because he had faith to believe.

He understood that only by his death would people be able to come to the Father.

Husbands and wives, listen.

Only by your death can a miracle happen in your spouse.

As long as you decide today to keep on living for your own desires, your own individuality, your own dreams, your own plans, and you're going to hold up this standard, and when they change, I'll give it to them.

When they change, when they do what I ask them to do, then I'll give them my dream.

Then we can become one.

Let me tell you something.

You're standing in the way right now of God doing a miracle in your marriage.

And this is this, I'm telling you, I can go hours and hours and hours with couples in counseling, and they leave and they don't get this one truth.

That the best marriage is two dead people living together, serving one another out of compassion and love and being two servants, competing with one another to see who can serve one another the best.

The best marriages I know are two dead people living together.

Are you getting it?

Because if you're not dead, a miracle can't come.

If you're not dead, God can't do his part.

As long as you're standing up and saying, I will not die, I will not die, I will not serve, I will hold my rights.

You're saying, actually, what you're saying is, Lord, I don't trust you to do your part.

I don't trust you to come and do a miracle in my husband.

I don't trust you to come do a miracle in my wife.

So I'm gonna hold up the standard, I'm gonna hold on to my rights, I'm gonna accept none of the responsibilities.

Yet the Lord is saying to you today, Will you die so I can come?

Even Jesus said you've got to let a seed go into the ground and die before it's gonna produce the fruit that you want.

He said, Lay the seed on the ground, cover it up with dirt, let it let it germinate, let it die, let it come to life.

As long as you keep the seed alive, it'll never produce anything.

A seed has to die, and then a miracle happens.

Here's the thing: these 1 Corinthians 2.13 says these are spiritual truths taught in spiritual words.

Your flesh today does not want to hear what I'm saying.

In fact, most of you have already had 12 excuses pop into your mind.

Well, that will never work in your house.

Oh, that sounds great.

Well, that pastor he thinks he's got it all figured out, but that's not going to work in my house.

He doesn't understand my special circumstances.

Like you're unique or something.

Listen, all of us are unique, but our problems are the same.

I look, in marriage counseling, I can write down ten issues before you ever show up at my office.

And I can nail eight of them before you ever show up.

I know what your problems are.

Nothing new is under the sun.

Your flesh is just like our flesh.

They want the same things.

They want control, they want power, and they want authority.

Yet Jesus said, You gotta die to get those things from me.

See, two servants in love.

We must lose authority over our own bodies, and we must lose our individuality.

You know that apathy is our greatest enemy because selfishness is our greatest sin.

Selfish people cannot be happy.

Selfish people, it is an absolute impossibility for a selfish person to ever be happy.

So the more you hold on to, the more you're limiting the Lord.

And by the way, guys, listen, don't tell your wife when you're serving them.

It's just a little thing I wanted to throw out at you.

Look, guys, if you're let me tell you, by the way, what the number one turn-on for your wife is a vacuumed floor.

A clean bathroom.

While she goes shopping one day, I want you to just do a little demo, I want you to have a little experiment at your house.

While she's gone one day, I want you to come back and I want you to clean every part of the house that you know how to.

Because I've learned also that there are some things I don't know how to do, and it's cost me hundreds of dollars to replace the things I did not know how to clean.

For example, laundry.

Don't do it.

Just hold back, stay away from it.

Rebuke the enemy when you walk into the laundry room.

I just clean the things I know how to clean, and an off-on button on a vacuum cleaner is not complex for me.

I can do that.

And then here's the key.

When she comes home, don't point out all the things that you just did.

Because she knows already.

She knows there's not an elf living in the closet that's vacuuming the floors.

You see, yesterday at lunch, before I spoke on Saturday night, I looked at Pam and I said, Pam, you know, I'm speaking on marriage, and at one point, and I'm talking about serving.

And so I looked at her, and we were eating soup.

We're just eating a little soup and having a good lunch.

With all the kids.

I was looking at her.

I said, Pam, why should you be real honest with me?

Do I really serve you?

And then she paused.

I mean, that was the scariest 15 seconds of my whole day.

Because if she had said no, I was taking this out.

This is all gone.

I'm not going to tell you to serve if I'm my own wife.

You know, by the way, listen.

You know when you're serving your wife?

When she tells you you are.

Guys, ladies, listen, you know when you're serving your husband and honoring him and blessing him, encouraging him?

When he tells you you are.

And so I asked him.

I was honest.

I was wanting an honest response.

And by the way, I'm married to a woman who refuses to patronize me.

And I just kind of wish she would every once in a while.

Now I want her to be honest, but you know, honesty sometimes is terrible.

Terrible thing to be honest all the time.

But she's very, very, very sincere and honest when I ask her questions like this.

So I don't ask them very often.

So I said, Pam, tell me, do I serve you?

And she said, It's like she was doing math or something, you know?

Yeah, you do.

Yes, you do.

I said, how do I serve you?

And she said, and she started telling me little things that I was doing that I thought she had not noticed.

She noticed everything.

See, serving is doing it without any need for recognition.

It's not serving.

It's manipulation if you want immediate response.

It's serving if you want no response.

See, Pam told me all the little things that I've been doing.

So I added this to the message now.

You know, it was it was a powerful time in our marriage though, and so today, on your way home, I want I want you to.

I'm giving you some homework today.

On your way home, I want you to turn to your mate, and I want you to ask them, honestly, Am I serving you?

I want husbands to ask their wives, and I want wives to ask their husbands.

Am I serving you?

And I want you to give an honest answer.

Because I'm telling you, it'll make you work harder next time.

There will be a test.

So I want you to ask.

It's a great question.

Number three, the third way to divorce proof your marriage is to speak words that bring life and health to your marriage.

Now I want you to read two, we're going to read two scriptures here in Proverbs.

I want you to listen to this.

Proverbs 10, 19 says, When words are many, sin is not absent.

But he who holds his tongue is wise.

You know that quiet people are always mistaken for smart people?

That if you're quiet, that you hold your words back, that you're, if you give out your words like it's uh gadiva chocolate or something, you know, like you're just real stingy with it, people will always think you're smart.

People that talk a lot like I do, I'm having to constantly convince people how smart I am because I talk so much.

Listen, you have to, wise people learn to measure their words.

And then Proverbs 12, 18 says, reckless words pierce like a sword.

In other words, do you know what the word reckless means?

Spinning out of control.

Hitting places and going places that it was not intended to do.

And by the way, reckless words always cause damage.

They're damaged words from the beginning, and they will always cause more damage.

Reckless words pierce like a sword.

They cut, they wound, they slice, they can cause immediate harm and immediate death.

But the tongue of the wives healing.

You see, yesterday, my wife brought healing to me.

Not that I was wounded, but she she that was medicine to me.

Because she has the tongue of the wise.

She speaks life to me.

She honors me, she blesses me, she's honest with me, she tells me when I make mistakes, she confronts me when I need to be confronted.

She's a wise woman.

She speaks words to me that I need to hear.

The tongue of the wise bring healing, and that's why I'm not a wounded man today.

Because my wife is very good with her words.

I wish I could say that back to her.

Because my words are my greatest weapon.

Because I speak and I say things.

Our whole married life, my words have been a problem, and her words have been a tool of healing.

And we're so different in that way.

Can I tell you though that at the University of Washington they took 30 couples, and for ten years they've recorded every conversation between them for 10 years.

30 couples.

You gotta be stupid to want to go through that.

I don't know what the I don't know what they paid them, but there's not enough money in South Lake, Texas for me to do that for 10 years.

And for some professor to study how I'm talking.

That's terrible.

But here's what happened.

Over the course of ten years, many of these couples never made it past a 10-year study.

Many of them divorced.

And in those couples that divorced, among those couples who lost their marriage, they found four stages that led to the divorce.

And it all had to do with your words.

You want to hear them real quick?

The first one, here's the four predictors of divorce.

The first one was among the couples who divorced, uh, who were divorced, there was constant criticism between the husband and wife.

The husband and wife look for every opportunity to criticize one another.

They would, in other words, they would they would go to great length and great energy to look for ways to criticize.

You know, when you live with someone, it doesn't take much effort to criticize.

Because, see, Pam sees me when I'm at my absolute worst.

When I'm tired, when I'm sick, when I'm aggravated.

She sees all those things in me.

You guys don't see me like that.

But she does.

And so it's easy for us, for me and Pam, to be critical of one another.

And then the second thing that it leads to is defensiveness.

In other words, today, if your husband or wife cannot give you any helpful hints, or cannot speak to you and give you any kind of needed correction, if you immediately become defensive every time your wife even tries to tell you something, or wife, if you immediately become angry and step back from him and won't let your husband say one thing to you that would correct you or help you or encourage you, then you've already gone to stage two because you're defensive.

The third stage, the third predictor of people who would be divorced, was contempt or unresolved anger.

Many of you are sitting here today and you're still mad about something that was said twelve years ago.

You can't get over it.

You refuse to get over it.

And in every opportunity, you bring up the past.

You bring up something that that person, the husband or the wife, has asked you to forgive him for or her for for 15 years, and you won't do it.

Unresolved anger is the third.

You're already in the third stage of headed toward divorce.

And in the fourth thing that this study found, I thought was really interesting, the fourth one, the final stage that led every couple to divorce was stonewalling.

Which means you have emotionally checked out of the marriage.

And let me tell you what happens after stage four.

Usually, one or the other falls into an adulterous affair.

Can I tell you that adulterous affairs are not about sex?

Adulterous affairs are about having your emotional needs met by someone else other than your spouse.

Sex comes after that.

And here's the way it happens.

You're standing around the water cooler at work, you've emotionally checked out of your marriage, and someone comes up to you and gives you a compliment and tells you how wonderful you look today, and then they just in a sincere way.

You know, you look great.

That's a great new jacket you have on.

But your wife hadn't told you that in 12 years.

And I've emotionally checked out of my marriage.

And then this other woman who just emotionally fed me.

And that's where you start with an emotional word spoken to you leads to adulterous affair.

I see it over and over and over again.

Stage four, these are the people that have adulterous affairs.

And your marriage goes away.

Now I'm saying this because this is a serious thing.

Can I give you just a really quickly?

I want to really quickly give you a couple of things.

Number one, when you're talking to your mate, leave the past in its proper place.

If you have forgiven them for something, then mean it and don't bring it up again.

Number two, your body language can negate your words.

What you say is not as important as how you say it and what the look on your face when you're saying it.

Number three, know when to call a timeout and go to a corner.

And by the way, have you ever watched a boxing match?

They put the guys in opposite corners, the furthest part away from the ring.

They don't put them in the same corner.

Have you noticed that?

Just watch that next time.

They don't put both guys in the corner together.

So if your place that you call a timeout is his place that he calls a timeout, then go somewhere else.

Take a walk.

That's what I do.

I take about a one-hour walk.

And when I come back, I'm so tired I don't even feel like fighting anymore.

It's all over with.

I just want to take a nap and I'm over, and it's all good at my house after I take a walk.

And by the way, in this same study that I was telling you about from the University of Washington, 69% of the couples had ongoing problems.

These are the healthy couples, the couples that made it, the couples that are still married, that are doing well.

69% of the good couples said that they had problems that they never worked out.

Isn't that good news today?

Please tell me that's good news today.

You don't have to change every negative thing about your spouse.

Quit majoring on the minors.

Sometimes you look, you married a grown-up.

Did you not know that?

Hopefully, most of you were over 18 when you were married.

They had already been trained and nurtured and raised by their parents.

They already had a set of beliefs.

They had a pattern of thinking.

They already had ideas about money.

They already had ideas about children.

They already had ideas about Christianity.

They already had their ideas planted in their minds, good or bad, they had them.

Now listen, you are not their mama.

And you're not going to change them as much as you think you are.

If you've taken on a mission project as a marriage, listen, you are wasting your time.

There might be some minor changes that might happen in your marriage.

I'm not talking about salvation.

If they're not saved, that's a major change.

I'm talking about major relationship things.

They're not going to happen.

Work on the minors, but don't major on them.

Just move on.

Just agree that, you know, you're going to be different from me the rest of my life, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Well, good.

Let's just get happy about that then and move on.

It makes it a lot easier.

Pam and I just know there are some things that we do not agree on.

And so we don't talk about them anymore.

We've made our minds up.

Okay.

I mean, isn't that simple?

It's the truth, though.

Because don't you know that sitting in this congregation right now, don't you know if it would blow your mind how differently the person three people down from you think about you?

But don't you go to church together?

Some of you have told me things that I just totally disagreed with.

Totally disagree with.

Lots of things you tell me.

But I still like you.

I'm glad you're here.

I want you to be a part of Gateway Church.

And I still think you're my friend.

But I don't have to agree with you.

Now why are you wanting to make your husband and wife agree with everything you say?

Number four.

Realize that only Jesus can meet your deepest needs.

Now I'm about to read a scripture in John chapter 6, verse 35, that's one of the most important things that Jesus ever said.

John 6:35

Ever said.

John chapter 6, verse 35 says, Then Jesus declared, I am the bread of life.

John 6:35

He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.

In other words, Jesus was saying, Listen, I am your source.

You know there are four basic needs that humans are instinctively motivated to satisfy all their lives.

I'm going to read them real quickly.

Number one, every person, by the way, how many of you are human?

We have six non-humans with us.

All right, good.

Every human being has four things.

Number one, they want to have acceptance.

Every human wants to know that they're loved and they're needed by others.

Every human wants identity.

They want to know that they're significant and special.

Every human being wants security.

They want to know that they're well protected and well provided for.

Every human being in this room today wants a purpose.

They want to know that you have a reason for living and they want to know that God has a plan for them.

Now, can I tell you some good news today?

And bad news.

No human being can fulfill any of those needs.

And Jesus can.

Jesus is the only source to meet those needs.

And if today you're sitting next to a person who for twelve years you've tried to get them to fulfill those basic needs in your life, you're looking at the wrong person to do it.

You see, Pam loves me, and I love Pam.

Pam, Pam, and I have a lot of love between us, but she is not the source of my love.

Pam brings a lot of joy to me.

We laugh, we joke, we have a great time, we have the most fun together.

She's not the source of my joy.

See, Pam could leave tomorrow and never give me another ounce of love.

Pam could leave tomorrow and never, we could never have a joking moment again in our life.

Yet I would have love and I would have joy.

Because she's never been my source.

She's never been my source.

It's that hour in the morning between 7 30 and 8 30 that I'm alone in my office that I find my source.

It's that time quiet, driving, that I find my source.

It's late at night when I woke up that I find my source.

It's in the afternoon when I'm in the backyard with my children that I find my source, and it's not my children.

It's just the Lord.

He comes to me.

He confirms to me over and over again that, Brady, I am the bread of life to you.

Brady, if you'll trust in me, you'll never go hungry again.

Brady, if you'll trust in me, you'll never go thirsty again.

Brady, if you'll trust in me, I'll always be your source.

And no matter how people disappoint you, how much people misuse you, or whatever happens in your life concerning people, it will never cost you your love.

It will never cost you your joy.

I bought into that.

I just believe it.

And it has never failed me all the days of my life.

I have lost close relatives, I have lost family members, I have had terrible, tragic things happen in my life.

And I've never had a day since I've been born again that I've not felt the love and the acceptance and the purpose and the identity of Jesus Christ in my life.

See, Jeremiah 17, verse 5 says, Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord.

Jeremiah 17:5

In Jeremiah 17, verse 7 and 8, the very next two scriptures says, Blessed is the man, though, who trusts in the Lord, and whose trust is the Lord, for he will be like a tree planted by the water that extends its root by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes.

Jeremiah 17:7

You see, even in difficult times, even when your marriage is going through a drought, even when you're going through a dry period, it says, Blessed is the man whose trust is the Lord.

But its leaves will be green and it will not be anxious in a year of drought, nor seeds to yield fruit.

You see, today I'm asking you to transfer your expectations.

Transfer them away from the person and transfer them to Christ, because it's only in Christ that you can ever feel this way about anything.

My whole thought process about Pam has changed since I bought into this, since I've understood this and believed it.

See, an anthropologist was visiting the Arizona Desert one time, and there's a Hopi Indians lived there.

And it's a real dry and just desolate place.

About two inches of rain a year, it seems, and just drought, dry, and dust.

And this guy was studying all the cave paintings of this Indian tribe, and every cave painting, every painting, every song, every poem, everything that they did in their culture had rain involved in it.

And yet they got about two or three inches a year.

And this guy said, finally asked the Hopi Indian chief, he said, why is it that all of your songs and all of your poems and all of your cave art, why does it all talk about rain?

And the Indian said, because that's our greatest need.

He said, Is that why you Americans always sing about love?

It's just our greatest need.

The greatest need all of us have in this room today is to be loved and to love someone else.

Can I say today that Jesus has come today to tell you he's the source of all that love?

The person you're sitting next to, the person that's at home today, the person you're maybe marrying one day is not ever going to be your source.

And I can tell you that once you transfer your expectations away from them and to the Lord, divorce will never come near you again.

You won't even think about it.

Will you just bow your head with me today?

I'm gonna pray for a miraculous work to happen in our heart today.

And I believe that over the next three or four weeks, as Pastor Robert comes and continues this series on marriage, I said to you today, prophetically and supernaturally, that the Lord wants you today to believe that a miracle can happen in your marriage.

You say, Well, I don't need a miracle.

My marriage is fine.

Listen, ask the Lord for something more powerful than you've ever imagined in your marriage to happen.

I'm telling you, when it's all said and done, I believe this about Gateway Church.

That in the next 10 years and 15 years and 25 years in the history of our church, thousands of couples will come into this church and they're gonna find help and healing for their relationships.

It's already starting to happen.

We're two years old, and I can't tell you how many couples have already come into this church and seen their marriages be healed.

Supernaturally, people that had already served divorce papers are now happily married in this church today.

Because God wants to do something, God wants to repair, and he wants to do a miraculous work because Jesus has not given up on the idea of marriage.

He hasn't given up on you today.

Lord, in Jesus' name, right now, I pray for every man, every moment is building.

He's made a declaration in their heart today, Lord, I need a miracle to happen right now in my marriage.

Lord, you've heard their cry, you know their heart.

Even as they ask you right now for a miracle, I pray that the Holy Spirit would come.

And Lord, by the power of your Holy Spirit, by the authority of your written scripture, I declare over them today for their marriage to be healed, for their marriage to be healthy, for their marriage to be whole.

And we declare them right now, we declare your wondrous works over us right now.

And we accept, oh Lord, that you're the source of our love, you're the source of everything that we hope for and everything that we want for.

I bless your name, and I proclaim healing and health over every marriage in this room right now.

Father, I bind the spirit of divorce, I bind it, I rebuke it.

Jesus Himself stands opposed to it, and we thank you that by the blood of Christ, because of the promises you have spoken to us, that we can be free, and that we can be victorious.

We declare that and receive it right now, in Jesus' holy name.