Grateful They Kept Me, Grateful They Left Me // God Chose You (Part 6) // Pastor Charles Metcalf

Welcome to Transformation Church podcast, where we represent God to

the lost and found for transformation in Christ. We're so

glad you're here and wherever you're listening from, we believe

God will transform your life. Do today's message.

I'm glad you're at church this morning.

We have been in a series called God Chose You

and it's week number six.

Next week is the last week of the.

Series, So make sure I know you can get up

here and preach.

No, I'm joking, I'm about running out stuff to say. No,

I'm playing.

No, I'm grateful for this time. And let me tell

you this. I've been talking to Pastor Michael during this time,

and every week that goes by, I get more grateful

for him doing this forty weeks out of the year.

I'm like, hey, brother, you know this is kind of crazy.

You be getting up here every week and everybody just

looking at you. So did you hear from God this week?

From my life? Because I really need it, because I'm

about to go through it and been on.

What you say is going to direct the next thirty

years of my life.

What you got, Pastor, it's like no pressure. I told him.

I was like, hey, brother, I just be. I don't

be receiving that pressure. I'm just like, hey, you need

to read a Bible for yourself. I hope this help you.

But amen. So anyways, but.

I'm grateful for this time. Hey, before we jump into

the message. Cool announcement today, at three pm, we are

dropping the God Chose Me T shirt that has never

been released anywhere.

At three pm.

If you go to Charles Metcalf dot com scanning QR co,

you can get those shipping it all over the place,

all over Whelm, shout out to all these cool kids

that were in the shoe.

Can't give it up for them.

These are kids and Scent Youth Ministry and Charlie she

just grown and Coke and Charlie that was funny. But anyways,

make sure you do that. Go to the store, get

a shirt. It'll be amazing.

All right, y'all ready for the word, let's do it.

If you got your Bibles open to Philippians.

Chapter number one Philippians.

Chapter number one Philippians is that one where you be

quoting when you're doing something you ain't supposed to be

doing and you're not good at it, and you'd.

Be like, I can do all things through Christ. Yeah

that bursts. Go to that book. Man.

Literally, I played on a football team in sixth grade.

We were the what was it, Oh, the what was

the name of that city? I don't know. We lived

in Nashville, but we were the Bears, And let me

tell you, we were trash. But you know we were

a Christian school and so above our little banner before

we walked out of the field, it had that sign

that said I could do all things through Christ re

strangths me. And every week we go out and slap

that sign and didn't do nothing for us. We got

smoked every single time. Because the Bible don't make up

for incompetency. Hello, somebody, that's a.

Whole other sermon. We be claiming stuff you ain't even

good at it. Bible ain't got nothing to do with

you not being able to sing? Okay, why are we

going wold? This ain't no person. Is just general shots.

You know what I'm saying. It's not no nothing personal.

If it offends you, that's a great place to take

that to God.

Okay.

Olivia's chapter number one. It says it's in verse number three,

I thank.

God every time I remember you and all my prayers

for all of you. I always pray with joy because

of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day

until now.

I want to read that first portion again. I thank

my God every time I remember you. Title of my sermon.

If you're taking notes, write it down. Grateful they kept me,

Grateful they left me. I'm grateful for the ones who

kept me, and also I'm grateful for the ones who

left me. Lord, we thank you so much for who

you are. I pray that you would meet us in

these next moments in Jesus that we pray, and everybody.

Said, a men, Today, we're.

Gonna talk about friends. Were gonna talk about friends, about relationships,

about the people you mad at right now that you've

done blocked on your Facebook. We gonna talk about everybody.

And I think it's important because this message God chose me,

if you're not careful, will become licensed for immaturity and

give you permission to isolate yourself, which is directly against

the message of Jesus.

I know we love to say it's just me and Jesus.

He's just young, got nobody el but I guess.

Me and God and that's it.

And as amazing as that is, it's completely unbiblical, and

it's not how Jesus lived his life. Jesus, if anybody

had an excuse to not need nobody, it would have

been God himself. But for some reason, he chose to

do life with twelve goons who never understood what he

was saying, who was not paying attention, who he's healing people,

raising people from the dead, and they arguing about where

they gonna sit when they get to heaven.

One of them is planning to flip on him.

The whole time for thirty pieces of change. And Jesus

chose knowing all of this, knowing he would have some

of the friends abandoned him, knowing he would spend a

lot of his time telling them stuff that they would

never get, knowing that it would cost him stuff to

be friends with them, knowing it would slow him down.

Think about that, Think about how.

Jesus could have moved if he didn't have to wait

on nobody. He could have just even gone town to town.

He could have just been back, Bam, I'm in the

next city. But he had to walk really for them,

because if I just hop up and teleport.

On y'all, y'all gonna be really confused.

Gee, Jesus chose to do life with friends, and I'm

afraid in our modern era, social media has really messed

up our definition of friends.

Because when when you first get.

On social media back in the day, when you used

to get on we can go way back. You had

MySpace and then you go to Facebook. Now we've got

a million different things, but really it's distanced our definition

of friends. What it costs to be my friend isn't

as much as it used to be because I can

associate and disassociate with the click of a button. I

can cheer for you when it's going well, but I

can disconnect and act like I don't know you when

it's going bad.

It doesn't cost as much to be a friend. But

the friends you have in your life.

Are one of the greatest gifts God has ever given you,

if you will let it be. The truth is the

many of us, our relationship and context of friendships has

either caused us to do one of two things. We

have either glorified friendship or we have vilified friendship. This

is the two options. We either glorified friendship. So what

we do is is we meet one person and it's like,

this is my person, we're gonna be best friends for life.

And you in third grade and you ain't seen them

since third grade, and it's like, okay, I'll get to

the next place, and then you meet somebody when you're okay,

this is my this is gonna be my people had

you with you to the wheels fall off? First of all,

why the wheels falling off? I don't know if I

want to.

Be with you. If you didn't check your wheels. Come

on now, if you're riding. If I was riding the

Errand's car and his wheels fell off, his car'll be.

Like, hey, brother, you got a lot of issues. I

can't be riding with you. If your wheels is coming off.

Come on. If the oil light come on, I understand it.

But if your wheels come off, Jesus man, what you

been doing. That's a crazy thing.

We'd be saying to the wheels fall off and the

engine blow up. It's like, hey, brother, I may want

to get as far away from you as I can.

But we glorify, meaning we put a lot of value.

The truth is that we should be getting from God

from our relationship with him, and we expect people to

give us stuff. They can't give us. Here's the truth

about a lot of our friendships. A lot of our

friendships have unspoken expectations of you trying to get stuff.

Your mom and dad should have given you.

So you glorify friendship, meaning when you have friends, your

life is amazing. When you don't have friends, the Lord

has forsaken you and everything's going to hell in a

hand basket. Why because you are depending on them to

fix you, depending on them to.

Give you identity.

That's depending on them to show you who you are,

depending on them to bring your status up. And the

truth is they cannot do that for you. So this

is how you are left. Feelings so let down every

time there's a transition in friendship, every time that they're

not there for you, every time they don't text you back,

every time you see we was having a conversation with

my friends this morning. Some of y'all y'all may not

know this for the old Saints, but on Instagram it's

something called close friends, and that's.

Really where you test who's really in or not.

So you got your Instagram story and then if there's

a little green circle, that mean that person trusts you.

They're showing there their close friends. I was talking to

some of my friends. They had eighty people on the

close friends. I said, that's not close friends, that's just

a free fraud.

My close friends. You know what I'm saying.

I'll be going that joint every month, just checking in.

You know what I'm saying, like, Hey, you ain't responding,

You're gonna.

Get kicked out if you don't.

I gotta come people out there, and they'd be like, man,

you don't post on close friends no more.

Hey I do, but you just don't be seeing it. Man,

you ain't been on this scrim in a while.

I'm like, oh no, that's crazy. But how do you

deal with the proximity of the friends?

Who do you let in?

How quickly do you let those people in? All of

these things you don't realize are shaping your life. The

title of my book is God Chose Me, but it

really could have been called God Chose Us because the

anchor of the Christian faith, the methodology of the Christian faith.

We see it in the Lord's prayer in the first word,

our father, not my father, our fuck because there's that

commute nature to following Jesus, because Jesus better when one

and two are together, for they can cover each other.

All these things that we see throughout scripture. God send

the disciples out in to the first not good in

the Bible is it is not good for man to

be alone. Yet your whole life is raising you to

be independent. And now to some nature that is good,

because some of y'all live with your mama and you

need to get out of you too grown for that.

But in the context of friendship, God created this. He

set this up where get this. He created something in

you that other people need and something in them that

you need.

It's a beautiful exchange. It, my friend Brie would say,

is God with skin on.

When you have your community, it's one of the most

beautiful things you will ever experience. But if you put

way too much pressure on it, it'll disappoint you. And

if you don't value it enough, it'll rob from you.

You will miss so much in your life if you

don't understand the balance that God wants.

To give you. In your friendships. We glorify it.

We expect so much from our friends, and then the

other group people we vilify people, Well, they ain't in

my life, no.

Go, and they just abandon me. You moved. That's all

that happened. Hitn't abandon you. They didn't stab you in.

The back unless you physically got stabbed in the back.

With some of y'all might have been through that's crazy,

but it wasn't that. And I think I want to help.

Relieve some of that pressure because here's the truth. The

series is really about you walking and your confidence and

your calling and your purpose. And you will never do

that change to people who are not thinking about you anymore.

There are some people that your whole purpose is to

prove somebody wrong, and you will do what you are

made to do, get to the moment and be disappointed

because you realize the motivation.

Was wrong the whole time.

If you do not let them go, if you do

not connect to that person, you will miss so much

of the joy and the freedom that God has for

you because you're spending.

It in a wrong worlay relationship. With friendships, we feel

it's so much.

Easier sometimes to do that when you miscommunicate, or you

don't have a friend, it's easier to make it like

a personal thing, or they just hated me and they

was talking behind my back and they didn't blah, blah,

they don't even they didn't even call for.

My kids' birthday? Did you call for their kids' birthday?

Because we'd be easy to flip on people if they

ain't in my life, nor you ain't in their life

no more? And what if it wasn't the devil and

they don't hate you? What if it was just life?

What if it was just a part of life. I

want to give you my opening thought for this whole

sermon today. Write this down because I know God chose me.

I'm grateful for every friend that kept me, every friend

that left me, because.

They all made me. If you do not understand how.

To relate to this, because I know God chose me

because I am secure, because I'm not looking for them

to give me something that they cannot, because I'm not

trying to get a sense of purpose and identity from

this friendship. I'm grateful for every friend that kept me,

every person that was there for me, every person that

was there in my lowestpon. I'm grateful for the ones

who kept me. And also I'm grateful for everybody who

left me, because they all made me. If you don't

see that, you will rob yourself of what could be

the gift.

It was a gift.

They are not in your life anymore. You would never

have become who you are today. You would have never

stepped away from the comfort and the safety of your friends.

If that one friend had not left you said something

about you you accidentally heard it. You would have never

had to figure out who you actually were. You would

have only thought you were valuable being connected to certain

people if they hadn't left you. So God, in his

divine grace, had them leave you. See, this is where

you gotta be careful with your theology, because some of

y'all think everything negative that happens is.

The devil the truth not biblical at all.

I'm gonna jump to the end of my sermon and

just ruined the whole thing.

Watch this Genesis. This is what we're about to do.

We'll see what happens once I give y'all end, because

then we're gonna.

Have to, you know, make a big sense.

But Genesis fifty, verse number twenty, I'm gonna give you

a little contexts the book of Genesis. Obviously I just

said that that was crazy. But the story of Joseph.

You don't know Joseph. He has twelve brothers. He comes

out bragging. He's like, yo, I had this dream you

were worshiping me.

It was incredible. They're like, dang, that's sick.

We're about to throw you in this hole and sell

you into slavery.

That's really that little brother big brother dynamic.

So the whole story happens, and he pretty much meets

his brother years later, and they're thinking like, oh, dang,

he's a big dog. Now he's probably gonna kill us

for what we did to him.

Look what the Bible says.

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God, Now,

Paul's real quick it don't say he turned it. I'm

gonna mess with some of your favorite worship songs. It's

a great worship song. It's not based off description. Always

getting quet up here because I'm quoting the Bible.

That's weird.

As for you, you meant it evil against me, but

God meant it for good in order to bring about

this present outcome, that many people would be kept alive

as they are this day.

How good God is is? I know you feel like

for some reason, God is only strong enough to work

with the scraps of the devil. I don't know how

that makes sense. I don't know how we get to that.

That God somehow has to make do with what the

devil did in your life, and he has to somehow

make it work together, and he's got to turn it

around because he didn't know this was gonna happen to you.

Oh wait, he knew exactly what you were going through.

He knew exactly, and he planned it from the very

beginning to make you better, to make you stronger.

To make you find out who you really are.

It's why I get frustrated when we start giving the

devil so much credit.

Oh he's trying to do this.

What if God is using that dummy to make you stronger?

What if?

I know it's a cop out and it feels easier

to play the victim to say he's attacking you and

you have no responsibility in it. But there's something powerful

that happens that says I didn't plan this. I don't

know why this is happening. But what I know about

my God is he is planning on this making me

more of who I was always supposed to be. He's

planning on this making me stronger, more confident, more content.

I don't see it, but I know that's what he does.

We can go all the way down to the original language.

It's the exact same words said in both of those sentences.

There was an.

Intention that you had, but there was a greater intention

that God had.

And God and his divine.

Nature knew that there were some things in my life.

Get this Joseph's life. There is somebody I would have

never become had I stayed around you. I would have

never become the leader God made me to be. I

would have never stepped up and spoke up had I

stayed around y'all. So God had to figure out a

way to get me out of that hometown, to give

me away from the people I love, to get me

out of my parents' cycles, to give me out of

what everybody.

Has always done. Because He knew who I was.

Supposed to be, and he knew I never would have

become and had I stayed around you, So he ordained

this season.

He worked this.

Season out because God loves you that much. One of

the most loving things God has ever done for some

of us in our life is take us out of

certain friendships. I know you feel heartbroken right now, but

that might have been the greatest gift God ever gave

you is for you to figure out right before y'all

was about to get married that he was not who

you thought he was, because he saved you thirty years

of your life. I know you're disappointed. I know you're

frustrated because the business partner said they had the money

and they don't have it.

Thank god you found out right now.

Maybe God is protecting you, maybe he's keeping you, maybe

he's trying to make you something. But if you don't

let yourself see it for what it is, see it that.

I'm grateful for the ones who kept me, and I'm

also grateful for everybody who left, because there's parts of

yourself that you never discover around certain people.

You know this to be true.

There's certain friendship dynamics in every friendship you have where

everybody kind of plays your thing.

And this is why some of us we be switching.

Up in different friend groups, and some of y'alls friend

groups you quiet don't nobody know another friend.

I work you the leader of everybody, Like, come on,

y'all were about to rebel against the boss.

It's like, what are you starting rebellions at Progressive Insurance?

That's crazy?

Because there's certain and this is where we can go

super deep into it.

There's certain codependencies we have.

That around certain people you feel confident enough to speak up.

But around certain people, for some reason, them being them.

Make you feel a way about you being you, so you.

Decide not to be you because you don't want them

to feel bad about them being them. I was a

bar man, I really be doing this out here. Come

on now, I almost lost the halfway through. I can't

even lie to you. I was like, and then they

gonna be who you are when you get there. The

great thing about our church is y'all have been like, yeah.

Not knowing what I said.

Everybody who learned to preach at TC is a great

place to learn to preach.

Then you go somewhere else and you'll be like yeah,

and people.

Just look at you and you're like, oh, I guess

what I've been saying for the last ten years ain't

made sense.

I love that it's true, man, but it's true. You

gotta be honest about your friends.

I want to take a moment and look at the

life of Paul. There's Paul's writing that we read in Philippians,

and he says this beautiful sentence he says, I thank

God every time I remember you. And I think sometimes

it's easy to read words like that, and we only

feel that about the great friendships we have, about the friendship,

and that's a beautiful thing. There's actually a chapter of

my book called My Friend Saved My Life, and in

there I go through and list tons of different friends

I've had.

As a matter of fact, yesterday one of them text

me my friend.

He said, I'm listening to an audiobook and there's a

time where you mention a friend Jeremy, and he says,

I'm assuming it's me.

If it's not me, don't tell me. Let me have

this moment. I'm like, no, it is you, it is you.

And I said that text to eight other Jeremies. No

I'm Joko, it's just him.

But in that moment in the book.

It was funny because I knew I wanted to talk

about the importance of friendship, and I just started thinking

about all the different friends I've had and growing up

and I'm a part of my story is my mom

and dad got married really young, and my dad was

just a business g like he at twenty years old,

he started selling cars and he was slinging cars.

You know what I'm saying. He was like the saved

wolf of Wall Street. You know what I'm saying. He

was out here just in the nineties.

Ma. Then he became He worked his way all the

way up through the car business in like six months,

started running car dealerships, and he got promoted to where

he would go to car dealerships that were falling apart

to spin them around get their sales up. And so

from that, me and my family we moved around a

lot growing up. Dad was bawling out and we was

living places like boom bam, y'all good.

Y'all good.

And part of that it kind of changed how I

related to different friendships. So there were some seasons where

I would be somewhere for a long time. There on

some seasons we'd be there six months and be gone.

And so what it did to me is it did

two things. One, it made me able to talk to anybody.

I could become friends with anybody. Part of the reason

I'm funny is because I had to figure out a

way to get people to honestly like me.

So I just became.

Funny, and it was like, Hey, this is amazing, don't

you love hanging out with.

Me even though I'm a new kid. Don't make fun

of me. I'm small, I can't fight. That's what was

going on in my head, but it made me.

The other part of it is that also I realized

I didn't realize that, but I built up a wall

of actually how much.

Friends we would be. So if we were friends in

sixth grade, you would.

Think we really close, and that meant I had your

right where I wanted you because.

You think we close.

But the truth is you don't really know nothing about me,

because if you get too close, you might be able

to hurt me.

It might be sad when I find out I'm moving,

So I'm gonna keep you right here. The truth is,

many of us, the cycles we develop as children is

the same way you do relationships now.

Some of y'all would be so bold to say it's

the same way with your spouse. Right now, there's certain

parts of you that you're wondering if I let them

too close, if they find out this about me, if

this thing goes on, and it's easy to think about

the friends that you love, it's easy to think about

the friends and your first favorite memories. I remember a

friend I had in sixth grade as name was All.

I think I've told this story before. Aubrey was the

only other black kid on the football team, and I

was barely making.

A halfway, if you know what I'm saying. So it

was all and Aubrey was my home.

We got in trouble together, we played football together, all.

This different stuff.

And then Aubrey moved away and I never saw Aubrey again.

But every time I think of playing football with Aubrey,

I get excited.

Every time I think of that moment.

Every time I had this friend named Samir. Samir was

Indian and he had all the nice shoes. His family

was definitely rich. I didn't realize. You know, you go

to school and start realizing where you fall in the

brackets and stuff. I went to a Christian school, so

they make you wear uniforms, So really, how you tell

who got money is shoes?

Come on, schools. Think they trickering like we want everybody

to feel equal.

Nah, we ain't feeling equal, man, because I got kids

on and he.

And he does not.

I remember my mom and dad, they got me this

super dope pair of T Max. Some of y'all don't

known about T Max. I had the all white T

Max with the patent leather across the.

Front of the joint. Well, Samir had another pair of shoes.

I really like.

We switched shoes from the for the day, and then

Samir was a super dope artist. Well Samir, he was like, Yo,

we should draw all over each other's shoes.

And I was like, let's do it.

So I drew all his shoes, he drew all over mine,

and then we switched back. And I remember getting walking

to the car and thinking.

Oh, my dad's about to kill me. I sat down

in that car and he's like, what happened? And I

was like, I don't know what happened.

Man.

Our class is crazy, but it's funny.

I literally when God chose Me came out.

I started drawing over hoodies and my phone and I

drew on a pair of shoes and I thought of Samir.

And there's so many different moments in your life where

you have to think about who are the people that

have kept me?

Because you get to a point.

In your life and you say things like I'm a

self made man. I got here by myself. Didn't nobody

help me, And that's not true. Somebody saw you, somebody

helped you, somebody kept you. If anybody had an excuse

to have this of vibrado, it would have been Paul.

Paul was killing Christians.

He flips, and now he's selling this gospel writes two

thirds of the New Testament. But don't get it twisted.

Paul did not get there by himself. As a matter

of fact, the first interaction we see is a man

named Anonius. You gotta be grateful for the people in

your life who kept you when you was nobody, who

saw you when you were still trying to figure out

who you were, who did something for you you couldn't

do for yourself.

Acts chapter nine, Paul, he is Saul. He's killing Christians.

And then God comes to Antonius in the second place

and he's like, hey, I've chosen Saul to be my

anointed instrument.

And anna's night. I mean you mean that, brother, they're

killing people. I'm not choking. Look at what it said.

Do y'all have to put chapter nine, verse chin up

on the screen for me. I'mna read real quick. So

the saints, No, I ain't line about this. Look what

it says in the Bible. Now, there was a believer

in Damascus named Antonius.

The Lord spoke to him in a vision.

Anonius, Yes, Lord, he replied. The Lord said, go overs.

To Straight Street. Okay, Okay, I thought that was a joe.

Okay, go over to Straight Street, you know, over there

on sixty fourth and the House of Judas. When you

get there, asked for a man of Tarsus named Saul.

He is praying to me right now.

I have shown him a vision of a man and

an ice coming to lay his hands on him.

So he can see again.

Goes on to say in the Bible, But Lord, I've

heard many people talk about the terrible things this man

has done to the believers in Jerusalem, and he is

authorized by leading priests to arrest anyone who calls upon

your name. But the Lord said, go for Saul is

my chosen instrument to take my message to the gentiles

and to kings, as well as.

The people of Israel.

You need to be grateful for the people in your

life who.

Saw you when you were not you.

Yet, there are some people in your life that saw

what God put on the inside of you before you

saw what was on the inside of you.

And I know you've come a long way now, and.

You feel confident now, and you got your little business

off the ground and you're doing your thing.

But it would serve you well to take a moment and.

Think, who are the people that God was speaking to

about me when I was still becoming me. This scripture

tells us Saul is somewhere praying right now in the Bible.

He has scales on his eyes. He actually cannot see,

just like some of us couldn't see who we really were,

just like some of us didn't know that God called us,

just like someoneus thought we would always be where we

always have been. And God was speaking to somebody and

he said, hey, I need you.

To go to them. I know they look rough. I

know they're beat up.

I know they still talking crazy, I know they smell

like weed.

I know they've been through a line. It don't matter.

I have a plan for them. And you need to

pause in your life.

And here's the point I would say, you got to

be grateful for the people in your life who championed you,

the people in your life who called greatness out, who

didn't let you stay where you had always been, the

people who.

Saw something in you. There's another person in the Scripture,

chapter nine. Paul goes on too.

There's a guy named Barnabas, and here's the thing Saul's

trying to get or Paul's trying to get his.

Ministry off the ground, and and I asked them pray

for him.

The scales come off with his eyes and he's like,

all right, I'm ready to go. The only problem is

he's not accepted in certain rooms because people are still

a little questioning about his lifestyle and if he's really

switched up. They thought it was like a big scheme.

They thought he'd be like, yeah, man, I love God.

Now I got it. So they were they were.

Like, hey, man, check his pockets before we walk in here.

But you gotta be grateful for friends like Barnabas. Barnabas

comes on Paul's behalf and.

Say, hey, I know y'all don't know him, but.

I've seen how God has used him. I've seen that

this thing is real. I've seen that it's genuine. I've

seen that the hand of God is.

On his life. You would be so grateful to look

back over your.

Life and think of the people who in your life

spoke up for you and vouched for you when you couldn't.

Do it for yourself.

Some of y'all got jobs because someone spoke up and

vouched for you. Some of you got in relationship with

that person because they thought you were a scrub and

your friend came alongside.

Like I know, they look like a scrub and they

need to take a bath, but just give them a chance.

They got a great.

Personality and God's were Some of y'all need to be

grateful for the people in your life that championed you,

that saw you, that vouched for you, because if you

don't take that moment, here's what I'm here's why it's

so important that you're grateful for that one. It gives

you a gratitude of how God is working all things together.

In your life.

It also helps you realize that you are also that

for somebody else. When you start to think about how

much that meant to you, that they encouraged you, you

find yourself wanting to be.

That for other people. One of the biggest things that

happened to you.

I remember growing up playing basketball and it was always

so so tiny, so so small, and I was just begging.

You know, when you're looking you want to play with

the big dudes. You're like, come on, let me get in.

So I remember anytime I would go.

To a court. There were two courts in Kentucky play out.

It was Karaakis Park and Covington Park. Karaakis Park, being

honest with you, was where all the white people with

bounced past us played and Covington Park was where you

could get shot and get dunked on. So it was

just two different types of basketball.

And so you know me, I go to both because

that's how I get down.

But anytime I will go, I'll never forget the feeling

being thirteen years old, staying on the sideline hoping to

get picked, and some random dude we'll be like, I

want a little man on my team. It's like, ohhoo,

about to go crazy on this. I would literally did

I do this to this day? Ask Makaya anytime.

I play basketball.

First time I get the ball, I'm pulling up thirty

feet out just to show you what's up. If I

miss it, don't matter you let you know that's how

I think I play. If I make it, you're like, God, Dawn,

this brother's cold. If I miss it, you're like, what

is he on? But either way, you gotta respect it.

I've been doing that since I was thirteen. I get

out there in that ghetto coord it to be like, hey, bro, hey,

I'm saying yeah, and just let it fly.

Now.

If I don't play basketball and there is some scrwny

little kid on the side, I always pick him first

because I know that feeling of being seen when nobody

else sees you. Some of you you own a business

right now, and you forgot what it was to send

in an application and pray for twenty four hours that

they would happen to see it. And when you start

to look back over your life, you'll remember what it

is for someone to give you a.

Chance, for someone to give you an.

Opportunity, for someone to take a bet on something that

Kate really said. Some of y'all be looking for people

that they gotta be quantity. They have eighty years of experience.

You didn't have no years of experience. You didn't have nothing,

and somebody gave.

You a chance.

You're grateful for the people who championed you. It does

something in your life and the next group of people.

You gotta be great for people who challenged you. And

this is all different types of challenge. The real big

challenge is the people who left you, the people who

hurt you, the people that went through things that you.

You're mad at them, you're frustrated at them.

And what I want to say is Paul went through

the same thing.

There's a story in the Bible where he's about to

go out and do some more missionary work and his

friend Barnabas is like, hey, you know what I'm saying.

We had John Mark on the last one. Let's bring

John Mark with us again.

And Paul says, I ain't bringing John Mark. He is

a scrub. No, lie, him and John Mark are homies.

Then I guess the Bible doesn't tell us, but they

must have got into some beef.

On one of the missionary journeys and they going out again.

He's like, no, you ain't coming, homie, You ain't coming

with me.

You will go somebody. You know, you ain't coming over

here and one of his great friends. They split up.

They changed because he felt frustrated with how he handled

a situation.

But here's the beautiful thing.

Your favorite one of your favorite stories of Paul and Silas.

If John Mark never leaves Silas is who replaced John Mark.

We do not know what and why and how that

felt for the people who challenge you, the people who

leave you, the people who you feel frustrated with. But

the truth is if they never leave, some of the

people you are praying on and never get to show

up in your life. And I know it's frustrating and disappointing,

but God knew the type of friendship that Paul would

need in that jail cell, so he said, hey, you

have John Martin had a great time.

It's been good, but it's time for him to move on.

We gotta be honest. When people move.

On, it's a challenge, it's frustrating, it's hurtful. There are

people who are challenging our life because they leave us.

There's people who are challenging our life just because they

doing the same thing we do in but they do

it different. Come on, we got to talk about this.

They're friends in your life. They your homie for real.

But it's just how different. And it's the saying they

are that y'all be getting at each other.

I'll be honest with you me and pass.

Brie A little bit like this. You already knew it's coming, homie.

We a little bit like this. Mia Pas brees want

my best friends in the world, and we work together

every single day.

In the days I'm like, hey, Sis, this is kind

of crazy. I don't really why. Woah wooh wooh.

Man, come on, but you need people in your life

who are going the same way you are, but they

pull something different out of you. They make you think

again about how they're willing you. Gotta have friends in

your life who are close enough to check you, close

enough to say, hey, that's.

Not how we do stuff. Hey, where are you at?

We need you?

Hey, what's going on? You said you were gonna do this. Hey,

I really need your help.

That is one of the biggest gifts in your life

is to have.

Friends in your life who love you enough to challenge you,

love you enough to say, hey, there's something more on.

The end side of you. Love you enough to speak

up when you're not being who you said you were

gonna be.

This happens in Paul's life. There's a moment where him

and Peter. Peter is called to the Jews, Paul has

called to the Gentiles, and they're going and doing these things,

and there's a moment where Peter pretty much in the time.

There are certain people when they showed.

Up, he was like, you know, gotta follow all the rituals.

We don't eat pork, we don't do that. You know

what I'm saying. But then when they would leave, he'd

be like, heyo, give me some of that baker. And

he was doing this.

He was switching back and forth, and Paul comes up

to him.

In the Book of.

Acts and the Scripture says I confronted him to his face.

What was he saying? Hey, you're not being consistent with

who you said you were gonna be.

And if we gonna be friends enough, if we're gonna

be close enough, I can't let you do that. I

can't let you be different than what you said you

were gonna be. You gotta be grateful for people in

your life. You need to have people in your life

challenge you.

And here's the thing. You can't get mad at him.

Every time they got something to say you don't like,

because here the houses go. You'd be like, man, I

just want some feedback. I just want friends who will

be honest with me. Then we honest with you and

you don't talk to nobody for three months.

So that tells us we can't be honest with you.

Well, ain't nobody talk to me because you get sad

and MOPI for two weeks once we hell you anything.

Hey, you think you want to get some well, I

just feel like you don't care.

No, you can't be talking about I just want people

who are I want so much.

Iron sharpens iron. Do you know what to think about that?

You gotta hit the iron up against each other.

It's not they just standing there looking at each other.

Who we getting sharp? Or I can feel it. No,

there's gotta be friction.

There's gotta be something that's making you better, some of

you in your marriages. I just want somebody that will

just always agree with me. That's gonna be a bad marriage.

You don't want somebody who's always gonna agree with you

because one of the two things, let me tell you

what's really happening.

They not always gonna agree with you.

They gonna resent you because like, yeah, whatever you want

to do, whatever you wanna say, they don't feel that way.

You want somebody who'll be like, no, that's dumb. I

don't agree. I think that was the wrong decision. That's

good for you, but you gotta be willing to embrace that.

You gotta be willing not to just embrace it, but

be grateful for it. Look for people in your life

who make you better. Look for people who don't think

like you. This is one of the most dangerous things

that can happen in our world today. Is your algorithm

make you think. How you think is how the world thinks.

This is why it's good for you to get outside

of your neighborhood, get outside of your say, if you

ever can travel just to go see something. I remember

me and Abby. So me and Abby first got together.

We were starting a church and I was broke, didn't

have no money, and Abby was a wedding photographer. She

would never tell you this, but we traveled the world.

Abby was making bank being a wedding photographer. She did

a wedding photography workshop. It got named number one in

the nation.

She was a dog. I married a she.

Why never forget literally we going. I'm just out. I'm

a little pastor. I ain't got no money trying to

start this church. Abby's helped me, but I'm also her

second shooter because I you know what I'm saying, I worked.

For her when we go out of the country.

So I'll never forget we were out of the country,

and it was just we were just seeing all this

two stuff and I forget. We were in pairs and

there's this lady. There's four tables and she is speaking

German to this table, French to this table. She turned

around speaking Spanish to this table, and then turn around

speaking English to us and taking all different orders, speaking

all different things. And when you go places out of

the country, they'll.

Ask you like, oh, well, what happens. We would go

and be like, oh, do you speak English? Or do

you speak what language do you speak?

Can you imagine if in America you went to Texas

and be.

Like, do you you speak You speak German when you speak.

Here's what it made me realize. There is so much

more outside of our little world. There are so many

people who are so amazing, and I'm grateful for where

I live, and there's a lot more than just this.

If you don't have friends in your life that are

different than you, you think your world is it Some

of y'all don't know it yet, But you've never had

good food.

You don't know.

I'm not gonna say what ethnicity you are, it's just

you don't know that you've never had seasoned food. Until

you started coming to Transformation Church and you were sitting

next to somebody on your road, you say, what tribe

you in, it's.

Just different seasoning. It's not there's not no seasoning, it's

just salt and pepper. Okay.

You miss out on people who will challenge you, challenge

you to become better, challenge you to become different.

If all your friends.

Always agree, always are like, yeah, you're great, never have

anything to say about who you're dating.

Some of y'all won't dare ask nobody about who you're

dating right now because you know they are a.

Bum and your friends know they are bunk. But this

is why you got to create safe environments where people

can be honest. And how you do that in a

friendship is how you respond when they're honest with you.

If you gasp when they tell you.

Their deepest, darkest secret, that's probably not the best way

to make them feel comfortable.

Give a little viue. We gonna do some tribe coaching.

We got our tribes going.

If you're a tribe leader, if you're in a tribe,

when somebody go.

To say something, you can't go.

We see your face and I'm never coming back to

this group again. Meanwhile, you were sitting over there and

got all types of.

Stuff going on. Won't tell nobody, and they gonna look

around crazy. Oh my god, did you hear them? They

say they great granddaddy smoked cigarettes. Oh my god, they

might have that generational cursor smoking my bar. Marlboroughs, Oh

my god.

You gotta be you gotta be aware, you gotta be Okay,

I'm trying to figure this out with my kids. My

kids are tiny now, but I know Luna gonna walk

in one day and say something crazy. I already know,

and I'm working on my face right now.

So when she's saying, I was like, okay, okay, okay, yeah,

because I want to create a safe place to challenge

some of y'all.

And I'm spending some time on this one because it's

one of the most important ones some of you. There

are people I had a phone call yesterday with a friend.

They were talking about they have friends in their life

who don't believe the same things they do, and they're like, hey,

how do I interact? I don't in a safe place

but still have boundaries. Some of you, that's one of

the most important things you could do is live a

life that is clear enough in standard that people don't

know you don't do certain stuff, but also gracious enough

for them to feel welcome to talk to you. This

is a balance you have to be clear.

You have to because some of y'all are like, yeah,

I'm friends with all types.

Of people we know, and you have drastically changed. It

can't change you, but you have to feel comforted because

this is what Jesus did. Jesus with his biggest critique

was that he.

Ate with sinners, not that he changed his morals and.

He started doing stuff he wasn't supposed to be doing.

No, it was always clear which side of the line

he was on. But he also lived.

In a way that people felt comfortable enough to be

around him. Because here's what some people need. I've seen

it in my own life. People need to feel comfortable

enough to be around you. Then it rubs up against

them and makes them feel uncomfortable that they got to

change some stuff to stay around you. There are certain

friendships I've made in my life that you'll be like,

how do you hang out with them?

Why do you?

Because I'm creating enough comfort where they can come over.

To my house.

Then they walk into my house and.

Be like, ooh lo, okay, hold on, I need that.

I know I can't do this.

If I'm gonna be friends with you, I gotta be

grateful for the friends who championed you, the people, and

you gotta be somebody who does that. The other thing,

you gotta be grateful for friends who challenge you.

And you got to be a friend who challenges people.

Last thing, you got to be grateful for.

Friends that changed you, grateful for friends that changed you.

The truth is, if you'll let all of the friends

of your life has the potential to change you for

the better. I'm not saying what you went through was easy.

I'm not saying what happened was easy. But what I

am saying is there something beautiful. I just heard this

story reading that in Philippians where he said, I thank

God every time I remember you. What would happened in

your life this week if you took time to thank

God for all the different friends you had, all the

different things you went through, all the friends who were

there for you, and all the friends you haven't talked

to in a long time, there's.

A different perspective.

Instead of being frustrated about who's not here. Instead of

being frustrated about what they didn't give you, What would

happen if you lived your.

Life grateful for what they did give you.

What does it serve you to focus on who they

are not and what you don't have anymore?

That would be my only question.

How is the grudge making you better? I know you're

entitled to it. I know you did not deserve for

them to do that to you. All I'm saying is

now they are going, they live somewhere else, and you

wake up and you still follow them on social media

just to get mad so they can steal your day

every single day.

Some of you need to not following people.

It would help you love them more to not see

what they're doing, because you still want to see what

they do.

Some of y'all follow xes.

Just to see if who they with now is uglier

than who you are now. Y'all better quit playing around

with that because they might catch a come up and

you're gonna feel tor up.

It would serve you better to let them go live

their life because all of the space they are holding

in your soul is robbing you of becoming who God

has called you to be.

They don't need no more of your mind, they don't

need any more of your emotions.

Let it go. It happened. It was a great season.

It was hurtful, yes, but also it taught me some

things about friendships now that I use every single day.

That's all it was. Let it be that I had

a friend early on in ministry. He told me, he said,

you know.

People in your life are like scaffolding. Not everybody, but

some friends are like scaffolding. They come into your life

and are there to help build something.

But at some point, when the building is built, it.

Doesn't make sense to keep the scaffolding around the building.

Some of y'all still trying to figure out what the

word scaffolding is.

I saw somebody You're like, Okay, scaffolding.

Yes, you ever been in a downtown sead they're working

on the building. It's all that stuff, the construction worker.

It's there to support in a certain season. But it's

exactly that. When the scaffolding leaves, you don't demonize the scaffolding.

You don't say, see, the scaffolding was never that You

was just here trying to catch it.

Come up. You was just it.

No, it was just a season that God ordained for them.

Just let it be that it would serve you better

to let yourself just to be grateful.

For who they were in your life, grateful for the

season you had.

Because the truth is, if you cannot allow yourself to

get to that place, it's gonna keep robbing you. It's

gonna rob you of joy, it's gonna rob you of

beautiful moments, it's gonna rob you of Some of y'all

carry so much weight because you were hurt in a

past friendship, so you don't share what you're really going

through because you're worried what they'll do with that information.

So you live your whole life being strong, keeping it in.

I don't want to do anything I don't want And

there is parts of God you have not experienced.

Until you experience the beauty of something.

You're terrified to say, and you say it and they

don't freak out. That is one of the most healing

things that could ever happen in your life.

It's for you to be so worried, so terrified.

So unsure of what's gonna happen, and you say it

and nothing happens.

I'm gonna close out as a story that.

I write about in the book, and it's I've told

it before, but it's one of the most impactful moments

in my life. And I think this is twenty twenty

or twenty twenty one, the end, Yeah, the beginning of

twenty twenty one. I am struggling really, really bad with anxiety.

And panic attacks.

And I had a panic attack in one of my sermons, and.

The sermon's up on YouTube. You can't tell unless you

really really know me.

But literally, right when the sermon ended, I ran out

of the room, went back into this green room, was shaken,

just couldn't catch my breath. And it was just a

really tough season. And there was a stint there where

it felt like four or five times a week I

would have a panic attack. And I gotta give context

of this, because I grew up never feeling anxiety or

anxious or you know. There are some people that feel like, oh,

I felt that feeling for a long time, and there

are other of you, like panic attack.

What's you? I don't what are you talking about?

I felt that way, but it was the same thing

that would happen every single time. My neck would get

really hot, my head would get really fuzzy, my hands

would start shaking, and then I could not catch my breath,

felt like I couldn't breathe, will collapse to the ground,

start shaking like uncontrollably, and my wife would try to.

Calm me down.

Just breathe, just breathe, and I'm trying to breathe and

trying to breathe.

I'll never forget.

One night, it's dinner time and Abby has made a meal,

and I remember all day throughout work, I felt like

I was right on the edge of just trying to

cope and be aware. And I remember getting home if

she finished his dinner and I walk back into our

closet to grab something and it hit and I could

not I just immediately collapsed.

She comes in there and she is helping me, and.

She's getting the kids to bed, and I remember she

helps me get into the bed and I am like

shaking uncontrollably, cannot catch my breath.

I'm balling, crying, and I'm like, what is going on?

Why is this happening? And I literally some of you

all have experiences. It's crazy, but.

I fall as like I panic attack myself to sleep.

I'm so and I just fall asleep.

Well, I wake up, and when I wake up, I

immediately still feel all the feelings and I'm still kind

of like shaking, but my eyes are closed and I

kind of open my eyes and I just hear we're

all here, and I immediately close my eyes and I

knew whose.

Voice it was. It's Pastor Michael's voice.

And immediately, in that moment, I immediately felt so embarrassed

because these are all my friends I love. But the

truth is, I want them to think a certain way

about me. I don't want them to think I'm too

weak to handle this ministry stuff.

I don't want them to think I don't have what

it takes to do this.

And if you see me this week, are you gonna

let me keep leaving? Are you gonna let me keep preaching?

And You're gonna think, oh, Charles can't handle it.

We probably need to take some stuff from him.

And so I'm immediately embarrassed, kind of opened my eyes and.

I'm still kind of shaking.

It's Pastor Mike's Pastor Natalie, Abby's sitting right here next

to me, Aaron's standing at the end of my bed,

and Breeze right over here.

Look over at the clock. It's two am.

I had never stopped shaking throughout the whole night, and

my wife had gotten to a point where she didn't

know what.

To do, so she called all our friends. She was like, hey,

Charles' I don't know what's going on, and I need

you guys.

And two in the morning, Pastor, Mike and that load

all their kids up into their car, bring them over.

They're all asleep on my couch and they're all back

there in my bedroom, and I remember just feeling so

embarrassed be cause I'm like, gosh, this is not how

I wanted this to go. And I'm in my head

and I'm thinking, gosh, how could you let this happen.

They're not gonna let you do this. You see, You're

not You don't have what it takes. All the lies

and stuff that I show with are all here. Because

all my friends who I love and are amazing and.

Are incredible leaders and are incredibly.

Strong, they're all in this room. And I'll never forget

this moment.

In my head. It's dead silent in my head. I say,

what is wrong with you?

And Pastor breed right when I said that in my

head out loud, she goes, Charles there's nothing.

Wrong with you, and I'll never forget the feeling of

knowing that God talked to her to say something for me.

And some of you will never experience the grace of

God in such a unique way.

Until you are vulnerable enough to let your.

Friends see you at not your best because God is

waiting to talk to them about you. There's certain levels

of encouragement you can't get as long as you stay

as strong as you feel like you have to be

right now. There's certain levels of love you don't ever

feel until you have nothing to give a friendship and

they come up and they show up for you.

I know you feel like you got to be strong.

I know you're worried if they'll think about you differently,

But let me tell you something.

You will stay bound.

A significant portion of your life, or you can decide

it is not worth pretending like I have all the answers.

It's not worth acting like I'm.

Not going through what I'm going through.

And the moment you let yourself be that vulnerable, God

will speak to your friends about you. He'll speak to

your friends about what your marriage.

Is going through.

He'll speak to your friends about how frustrating the season.

It's been for you. But here's the thing. You gotta

be honest, you gotta be open about it.

This morning, I want to close out in a prayer for.

Everybody who has.

Been bound in some way by the expectation or disappointment

of what you thought a friendship was going to be.

There's some of you that there are certain people in

your life. It might be from childhood, it might be

somebody right now, but there's either an expectation you had

of them and they didn't do it, or there's something

they did do that did hurt you and it's inhibiting

your ability to embrace the beauty that is around you.

Some of you are holding your current friend group captive

for your last friend group. You don't say certain things,

you act a certain way, and it's not their fault.

It's people who hurt you in a past season. And

this morning we're gonna pray and you're gonna lay all

of that down. Ask everybody to bow their heads and

close their eyes, and this.

Morning we're gonna pray for two groups of people.

If you're in this room and you feel like and

there's some sort of friendship pain, friendship hurt.

Maybe you feel like you've never found a friend.

You feel like you've been a friend but haven't found

a friend. If you're in this room and any of

that affects you in any way, every bow, every eye close,

I almost want to ask you to slip your hand up.

There's some sort of pain, disappointment, whether it's a dating relationship,

a friendship, a spouse, a love them, whatever it is.

I want to pray for you.

God. You see every single person with their hand up,

Holy Spirit, right now, by your power, would you free them,

free them from resentment, heal the broken heart.

Lord, allow them to be what they never saw. Lord Jesus.

Right now, I am just praying by your spirit in

this room and online that any person that has a pain, anything,

they're bleeding, whatever it is, Lord God, that you would

heal them right now, Lord, restore joy to their life

through friendships.

Some of you have been so hurt by friends. There's

a certain.

Joy you feel like that friendship took from you. But

right now, in the name of Jesus, would you restore joy.

I pray Lord God that literally for friendships there would

be a beauty experienced through just laughter. Some of y'all

have not experienced laughter like you used to laugh because

you feel like you're so hurt, you're so broken, you're

so guarded. God, right now, would your spirit Lord irrupt

in them with the joy of the Lord. You can

put your hands down, every eye closed, every head still bowed.

One of my favorite songs is an old song, and

it says, there's not a friend like the lowly Jesus.

You need to know in this room that there is

no friend you will ever experience than Jesus Christ himself.

He's the only friend that.

Can see all of you and still choose all of you.

He's the only friend that can champion you, challenge you,

and change you all at the same time. He is

the greatest friend you could ever have in your life.

And if you're in here today and you've never accepted Jesus,

you've never accepted him as the friend. You've never accepted

them to be the person who leads your life.

I'm gonna count the three. I'm gonna ask you to

raise your hand.

And when you raise your hand, you're saying I'm surrendering

my life to Jesus. You're saying I give up trying

to run my life. I want him to guide and

direct my life. I'm gonna counter three, and this is

gonna be the greatest moment of your life. It's gonna

change everything for you. I promise. It won't make everything perfect.

It's not gonna immediately be a magic moment. But what

will happen is you will start to experience the grace,

love and mercy of the greatest friend, Jesus, and he

will change your life forever. If you want to surrender

your life to Jesus Christ, if you're under the sound

of my voice on the count of three, I want

you to lift your hand. One.

He loves you.

Two. Today is the day of salvation. Three, lift your

hand right now in the room online, I.

See you over here.

I got you, bro, So proud of you over here,

so proud of you, so proud of you. Everybody online,

We're so grateful. I see you over here, so proud

of you, so proud of you.

I see you. Sis.

Hey, listen, I want everybody out loud to repeat this

prayer after me. Say, Dear God, I admit I've made mistakes, Save.

Me, change me, make me new in Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

Can you give God a shout of praise for everybody

who just saved their life to Jesus.

So grateful. Hey listen, we're about to get out of here.

If you just made that decision, text the words say

to A two eight two a two.

The other thing is if you do not have friends.

Sometimes having a friend is taking the risks to be

a friend. You can introduce yourself to somebody here. We

have tribes that meet all over the place. You can

go to our app. You can ask somebody in an

orange T shirt. Just walk up to them and say, hey,

I'm trying to join a tribe. They can help you

find somebody. Pass an ambulet over here, got this lime

green jumpsuit and her husband, Ken is right over here.

I'm not kidding as Dame's will, but Barbie and Ken

is what I call him. You need a friend for real.

Do not leave church without getting that. I want to

take a moment pray over your week. Hey listen, our

worship team is gonna continue to sing.

We have prayer.

If you need prayer for anything at all, you can

take a moment and stop buying the back on line.

We're gonna take a moment pray for you, but don't

pray over your week. We just stand up with me.

Lo gotta thank you for this week, but I pray

that your spirit would lead us and guide us. Got

to thank you that you have always been a friend.

You've been a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

You've been a friend that saws stuff in us when

we didn't see it ourselves. So God, we say we

love you, we trust you, and we worship you.

It's in the beautiful name of Jesus we pray. And

everybody said Amen, Amen, Amen,