Our Families

Hey everyone, this is Josh from Encounter Church

Henley, and thanks so much for tuning into our

podcast. Our prayer is that through this podcast,

you can have an encounter with Jesus that will

change your life. And now get ready for an inspiring

message from our preaching team. You know, my

favourite thing about the change of this weather

is being able to Open up all the doors, open

up all the windows, sit on my couch and listen

to the aircraft go overhead. You know, one of

my favourite apps on my phone is the flight radar

app. I'm sure you can all relate sitting. I got

some genuine nods in the crowd. You know, we

had Hannah's parents come over when they were

down from England earlier this year. And I tell

you what, I found my people. We were sitting

there on the couch. We were chatting away. And

then there was the whirring overhead. The conversation

stopped. Ears turned. What would that be? Was

it a domestic 737 from Melbourne? A Dash 8 from

Port Lincoln. Maybe someone even suggested a

helicopter. The Dash 8 -400, because it's propeller,

can sometimes sound like a helicopter you see,

so it can be a little deceiving. Don't worry,

everyone. The answer was found. We pulled out

the flight radar out and we found out it was

one of the flights coming, one of the regional

flights. And the conversation continued. In this

moment, Tim looked at me with obvious awe and

admiration and love in his eyes, but then he

opened his mouth and he said, my God, you are

just like your father. Now compliment or like

savage, maybe it was just cold hard facts. This

is not the first time in our 10 years of marriage

that I have been compared to my parents. It might

not be the last. You see, my mum moved to Western

Australia when I was 18 years old, and I was

visiting her one time, and she kept asking me

to drive, which I thought was odd. I didn't really

want to. I mean, this is your... your car, your

city, why do you want me to drive? And she said,

oh, don't worry, there's just a little issue

with my license. And I said, OK, I will drive.

But you've got to tell me why. You see, eight

years ago, she had neglected to change her state

license from an SA driver's license to a WA license

in the three month time frame you had. And then

her license had expired. And it's a little difficult

to renew NSA license in WA. And so she just hadn't.

And you see this, the shame and the guilt of

avoidance of this matter had crippled her. Probably

for the first six months and then probably 12

until the eight year mark, where all of a sudden

it had caught up with her. And then she dealt

with it. with more avoidance and sticking her

head in the sand and lying to the cops when they

pulled her over and saying, yes, officer, of

course, I had no idea I would deal with this

straight away. And I remember telling, calling

Tim on the phone, telling him what had happened

and that familiar, my God, you are just like

your mother. Now I know why you are the way you

are. Vindication. It is not my fault. You see,

I had not neglected to transfer my license, but

there was definitely times in my relationship

with Tim when a task had too many steps and it

felt overwhelming. and these feelings of shame

and guilt had crept up. And so I would respond

with, I'll deal with that later and later and

later and eight years later until maybe my lack

of replying caught up with me and not paying

the phone bill led to not being able to make

phone calls. I was forced to make the decision.

Would I continue to put my head in the sand and

avoid it? Would I lie my way out of it or alternatively

choose a new path? You know, I don't know about

you, but I hear amongst our modern culture this

myth that we are this self -made person. You

know, we are told that we can be completely independent,

a blank slate, forging our own identity, isolated

from our environment. I've decided who I am.

No one made me this way. I am who I want to be.

But everything in culture tells a different story.

There's boom in personalized therapy or genealogy

packs in this and will tell you who you are.

Self -help aimed at breaking cycles. People are

increasingly turning to tools and experts. to

help them understand why they feel stuck in a

loop of fear and reactivity. Why? Well because

deep down we know that when we have this pressure

or stress and these moments they reveal a truth

and that is we're running these scripts and patterns

in our life. But unfortunately we carry this

emotional DNA of our past. We are shaped by the

good and the bad of our origin. I want to highlight

that, like the good as well, like the good as

well. You know, the novelist, could someone just

grab me a drink of water while we're at a pause

and turn the air con up if possible? It's a bit

warm in here. The novelist William Faulkner famously

wrote, apparently famously, Tim's probably read

it, famously wrote, the past is never dead, it's

not even past. Meaning that the past continues

to influence and shape the very present, with

past events, memories and actions resonating

into our current realities and behaviours. You

know, I hear a deeper attunement to this reality

from other cultures. Indigenous brothers and

speakers talk about a connection to ancestors.

You know, this unavoidable past delivers to us

a generational inheritance. We inherit it. This

unasked for special little gift. How kind. Thank

you. Full of love and sacrifice. fear and failure.

And regardless of your background and beliefs,

when life gets hard, which part of your generational

inheritance do you instinctively operate from?

Which patterns come to the forefront? Is it patterns

of peace from an inheritance of grace? Or is

it the patterns and inheritance of brokenness?

We're in the middle of a series called It's All

About Family, and we're talking about what does

the family of God reflect about our own families?

Human families are complex and don't live up

to God's intention for His families, that's for

sure. They also profoundly shape us as human

beings. We are products of nature and nurture,

handed down from our family of origin. And this

has huge implications for our discipleship. And

last week, Pastor Texas spoke about God's family.

And this week, we're gonna talk about our families.

The Bible shows us that generational patterns,

both sin and genuine faith, are inherited as

generational inheritance. And to forge our own

path, we must discern the patterns we carry.

and then actively submit them to the Lordship

of Jesus, the only one who provides a new way.

So let's talk about the inheritance of brokenness.

We heard a bit about that in Genesis. Genesis

12. Abraham, called by God, faces a simple problem.

Famine. His response is to not trust God. who

just called him, but to rely on self -preservation

through deception. She's not my wife. She's my

sister. Please tell everyone you are my sister,

then I will be treated well, and my life will

be spared because of you. This is the original

inheritance of brokenness. When survival is threatened,

we want to protect ourselves at the expense of

others. This is universal, like this isn't unique.

We all kind of experience this. We call it survival

strategies or survival mechanism, all rooted

in fear. Years later in Genesis 20, Abraham with

a new name, a little bit longer, repeats the

same exact line. Repetition solidifies this pattern.

making the inheritance of brokenness a deeply

ingrained habit in his life, even for a man of

faith. And the devastating truth about this generational

inheritance is we see Abraham's son Isaac repeat

the exact same lie in Genesis 26. When faced

with the same situation, famine, in the same

place, We'll read Genesis 26. Just let me know

if anything sounds familiar. So Isaac stayed

in the place. When the man of that place asked

him about his wife, he said, she is my sister,

because he was afraid to say she is my wife.

He thought the man of this place might kill me

on the account of Rebecca because she is so beautiful.

When Isaac had been there a long time, the king

of the Philistines looked down from a window

and saw Isaac caressing his wife, Rebecca. So

he summoned Isaac and said, she is really your

wife. Why did you say she is my sister? Isaac

answered him, because I thought I might lose

my life on account of her. How familiar are those

words? Yet they are not the same passage. They

are not the same man. They are his son. Unresolved

fear and sinful coping mechanisms are not isolated

incidents. They are seeds that grow into generational

habits defining one part of our inheritance.

I wonder what survival strategies you have inherited.

Do you have a pattern of lying? of retreating,

of self -preservation, of self -sacrifice in

the face of stress, loss, grief, fear of uncertainty,

of avoidance. Are there patterns of living in

your family that are accepted because, oh, that's

just the way we do things? Volatile anger, screaming

arguments, slamming doors. Silent treatment,

walking out the house and disappearing for a

few hours, denial of responsibility or maybe

complete blame shift and displacement is just

normal. You know, it's difficult to grow and

change if it's all we've ever known, if it's

all we're ever surrounded by. And it's difficult

to hold someone to account if everyone else does

it as well. This is an inheritance of brokenness

An alternative because we are shaped by the good

and the not so good of our origin An inheritance

of grace To Timothy 1 5 Paul praises Timothy

for his genuine faith I remember your genuine

faith for you share the faith that first filled

your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice.

And I know that the same faith continues strong

in you. This inheritance of grace is built on

tangible and emotional and spiritual habits.

And there are three aspects to this inheritance

of grace, because like what is an inheritance

of grace? Because that sounds a lot better than

an inheritance of brokenness, right? Like that

should be the one we want. So how do we get that?

How do we do that one? Well, it's emotional resilience.

Lois and Eunice taught Timothy a pattern of peace.

How to trust God during hardship. This is the

ability to face fear without defaulting to lying

like Abraham. It's authentic connection. Their

faith was genuine and shared. They modeled vulnerability,

showing Timothy that it was safe to be honest

with God and others, providing like a counter

script to the brokenness that they are surrounded

by. An intentional discipleship. They actively

taught the scriptures, proving that a pattern

of peace in our lives requires time and attention

and instruction. I wonder if you can identify

the threads of an inheritance of grace in your

life. Ways of living that have been modeled to

you, passed down from generation to generation,

family values that live on. You know, I grew

up in a family blooming with brilliant hospitality,

but I didn't realize that this was a pattern

of peace until I came across people who didn't

do it. I didn't realize it was an inheritance.

There's things that we're building in our family.

Little foods of kind. These are things that we

have to intentionally disciple. Because the family

unit is a powerful method of an inheritance and

transference. The power of this method is that

the patterns, it's more than just words. These

things are passed on through emotional reactivity,

the way we respond in situations, through non

-verbal cues, through unspoken family rules.

Don't talk about our problems. Never show weakness.

Always offer a cup of tea and biscuits. The same

mechanism that transmits Abraham's fear and Isaac's

deception of brokenness is the same that transmits

Lois's security and Eunice's devotion, the family.

We inherit both sides of generational inheritance.

And so we must examine what has been passed on

to us and discern which patterns we are running.

Steve Cuss writes in Managing Leadership Anxiety,

emotional health is not the absence of anxiety.

It is the presence of an active awareness that

can choose a different response. We are often

caught in a moment of emotional crisis where

our inheritance of brokenness and our inheritance

of grace collide. It's very rarely a simple binary

choice. It's a messy tangle. For example, you

might inherit your grandmother's hospitality,

but your grandfather's passive aggressiveness.

You know, you host a great party. but you feel

resentful for days afterwards because they didn't

help you clean up. Both patterns are running

rampant in our life at the same time. This is

why awareness is critical. We must be honest

about the complexity of our inheritance, acknowledging

that walking with Jesus is a process of slowly

distangling and not always instant transformation.

You know, we are caught between the patterns

of brokenness and the patterns of peace. So how

do we move on from consciously running our old

patterns of fear to intentionally choosing a

new way in Christ? Because it is important work.

We must engage in this repatterning work because

the alternative is tragic. We will pass on a

toxic inheritance of brokenness to the next generation,

continuing cycles of pain. The pattern of peace

leads to freedom, not fear. Every single person

longs for a true identity and security. A deep

peace the world cannot offer. The inheritance

of brokenness traps you. The inheritance of grace.

offers a radical opportunity for you to be a

healing agent in your lineage. It means the patterns

of sin stop here with you by the power of Christ.

The Bible calls us to this radical change. Romans

12 2 says, don't copy the behavior and customs

of this world, but let God transform you into

a new person by changing the way you think. Choosing

the new way is choosing transformation. Look,

and growing up Christian doesn't get you out

of this work. You've likely inherited both sides

of this inheritance still. And it starts with

this. Step one. discerning the patterns. We must

name the old unhelpful patterns that surface

when you're stressed. That is not who you are

in Christ, but a part of you running an old program.

When your partner points out a flaw, do you immediately

shut down, get defensive, like Abraham running

away from the famine? Ask yourself, Where does

this reaction come from? What pattern from my

family am I repeating? Ask God's Spirit to help

you discern, invite Him into that process of

deep, and this is the key, humble reflection.

Discern the patterns. Step two, you can't just

work out what's going on, but you have to do

something with it. Step two, repentance and lament.

We lament the pain of the broken patterns and

repent of our participation in them. Lament simply

means to express grief and sorrow. And repent

means to turn away from sinful behavior patterns

reactions. We confess the sin and the mechanism

of sin. This is where we acknowledge the inherited

pain and the choice to run the pattern. Simply

this, we lament God, I inherited fear around

money and I lament the anxiety that brings. I

confess that I chose to hide my mistakes instead

of trusting your provision in the truth. We bring

discern the patterns that we're running and then

we repent and lament. Lament and repent, probably

that would be a better way to go. But step three

is this. The answer to resolving generational

inheritance is not self -help or trying harder.

It is the finished work of the gospel. The reason

that we can stand up to the inherited script

of fear is because our deepest need in security

is met in Christ. When Christ died on the cross,

your old performance -based anxiety, the one

that had to run old patterns to protect us for

those survival strategies, the ones that was

doing its best to just cope and do what it could,

died with Him. Your security is no longer tied

to running those patterns perfectly. When Christ

rose, He gave you a new secure identity in Him.

And this security frees you to fail. This freedom

allows the Holy Spirit to guide the pattern of

peace instead of your old patterns. This choice

isn't about immediate perfection. It's about

direction. You will not do this perfectly. You

will trip up and the fearful part will come up

again. But here is the central premise of the

Gospel. Because your identity is not based on

your performance, but based on Christ's finished

work, you are eternally secure. You are known

and you are loved. This security frees you to

stop relying on fearful family patterns for survival

and instead trust God even when you fail. And

you know what? The church is a great place to

start practicing these new patterns. The church

is the community that God provides for you to

practice these new counter -cultural scripts

of grace, truth and non -anxious presence. It

can be a place of a new system of origin for

some of us who don't have examples of patterns

of peace. We are called to be accountable and

connected together. Invite the band to come back

up. You know, you are not a victim of your past.

Nor are you captive to your inherited inheritance

of brokenness. Because of the Gospel, you are

a new creation. By submitting your history, both

sides of your generational inheritance, to Christ

today, you are not just changing your own future,

but you are changing the inheritance of generations

to come. And you know, when I was writing this

sermon, And then I was reading it, and I was

reading it, and I had the script, and it wasn't

until I was reading it today that I felt this

strong conviction from God. And it's this, I

am convicted that I want the statement, my God,

you are just like your mother, to be the most

encouraging thing, my children here. I will be

going over to see my family in WA next week.

And it's often in these situations outside of

normal supports, less accountability, more vulnerability,

that I can kind of get away with doing what I

want. Now we default into patterns of brokenness

that we inherited. But you know what? That doesn't

serve me. That does no good. And it doesn't bring

glory to God. I also know that God has redeemed

those parts of me, so I can trust that He is

with me, even though going over there into that

environment's a little anxious, a little scary.

You know, I have an opportunity next week to

live out these patterns of peace that I've learned

from my church family, even if those around me,

they aren't living that way. I have an opportunity

to model emotional resilience, authentic connection

and intentional discipleship to my family, not

just to the generations to come, but to the generations

that went before, to my brother, knowing that

the grace of God goes before me, goes with me,

and goes after me. So where do you need to stop

running the inherited pattern of brokenness this

week? And start leaning into the gospel -empowered

grace that wants to live out in your life, supported

by all of us. You know, there was... God really

gave me one sentence. that to share with you

guys. So you've heard nothing else and that's

fine. This is the sentence to write down if you

haven't got your notebook out already. And it's

this. The patterns of your past do not define

the promises of your future. No matter where

you have come from, what you are carrying, What

patterns you've been taught, you've inherited,

you live out. The patterns of the past do not

define the promises of your future. And church,

the promises of your future are good. They are

good. We believe in a good, good God. He is above

it all. He's above it all. Thanks so much for

tuning into this week's message. If you've felt

challenged or need prayer, we'd love to hear

from you on Instagram at EncounterHenry. Or if

you're interested in how you can support this

ministry, please go to our website encounteradelaide

.com .au Thanks again for listening. God bless

you.