UPDATED: Family Life Colossians 3:18- 4:1 (May 1st, 2016)

Amen.

Amen.

Hey, you can turn in your Bibles to Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

We're going to be starting in verse 18 and reading down actually through to uh the first verse of chapter 4.

Now, uh, as you uh as you get turned there, um Angie and I celebrated our uh our 10th anniversary uh this past uh Friday, and it has been a great time.

Oh, thank you.

Too kind, too kind.

Yeah, we had a great time celebrating, and it's been kind of fun to uh kind of think through um back to the beginning when it all started and all that uh the Lord has done uh in us and through us in our marriage and uh and our family.

You know, we were thinking about how uh when we first got married, uh we were thrust right into a kind of full-time ministry.

We moved right down to uh to New York and we're living upstate New York, working at a big camp down there, and we were doing like 16-hour, 18-hour days uh sometimes of ministry.

Uh been married for like a month, and uh somehow uh it was great, and uh and we loved that.

And then you know, after a couple of years of doing that, the Lord moves us up to uh to Barrie, and we got to serve uh on staff there at uh at the Harvest there, doing youth ministry and family ministry, and and that's where our our two kids were born, and the Lord was really blessing us and allowing uh our family uh to grow.

And then just a couple of years ago, of course, uh coming down here and joining the staff at Harvest York Region and being able to uh be a part of planting uh this group, uh, you guys, uh, here just over a year ago uh or so.

And uh really the timing of of kind of thinking through all of that uh for Angie and I uh combined with the the passage that we're gonna look at today is kind of interesting.

It's kind of interesting because uh these verses are all about the kind of family that pleases God.

Did you ever you ever think about that?

You ever ask that question for yourself?

Does our family please the Lord?

Okay, really important.

I mean, it's really easy to focus on questions like, you know, uh, what kind of education do we think about for our kids?

And and uh, you know, what kind of neighborhood do we want to live in?

And where are we gonna go for vacation this summer?

You know, all those are great, they're important questions.

Um, but do we ever take the time to ask sort of the deeper questions?

Uh the ones with eternal ramifications, um, like whether or not our family operates in a way uh that brings honor to the Lord uh Jesus Christ.

Kind of no matter what we do, whether we're going on vacation or we're working or we're trying to parent our kids through a tough season, whatever it might be.

Now, five times in the passage we're gonna look at here, it uses the phrase, uh pleases the Lord.

It pleases the Lord, or or some kind of variation of that.

So you see what kind of the core of this passage uh really is, and that's what we need to be thinking about today and really assessing in our own lives, in our own minds, in our own families.

So um, if you're there, why don't you stand with me?

Uh, we're gonna read.

And uh standing is just kind of a way that we can uh honor the Lord uh as we uh read the Bible, as we read his word.

So this is chapter three then of Colossians, starting in verse 18.

It says this, as wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not pro provoke your children lest they become discouraged.

Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye service as people pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

You are serving the Lord Christ, for the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Okay, let's pray.

Lord, we come before you uh this morning, Lord, and we would cry out, God, that you would work in a powerful way among us.

Lord, I pray that you would raise us up to be strong families, Lord, strong families who are surrendered to the will, to the power of Jesus Christ.

God, we know that as our families grow strong, as we mature in our marriages, in our parenting, and in our work life, Lord, we know that as that happens, the church is strengthened.

Lord, we know that we can have an impact on the community around us and society is strengthened through all of it, Lord.

This is huge.

This is so important what we're gonna be talking about here this morning, Lord.

So would you bless us?

Would you open up our minds and give us understanding and give us joy to follow you your way?

God, we need you, though.

We need help big time.

So, Lord, would your spirit come and bless this time?

We pray all of this in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Amen.

Well, why don't you grab a seat?

Thanks so much.

And uh, you know, I think first off, as we get started here and we look at this passage, uh, we need to realize that the idea of family originated with God.

You understand that?

The idea of family originated with God.

Uh, in way back in Genesis, in the very first book of the Bible, um, God says that it wasn't good for man to be alone.

It wasn't good for man to be alone.

At that point, he just created Adam.

And so what does he do?

Well, he creates Eve as well to be his wife and to be a helper.

And he tells them to be fruitful and multiply.

He's like, fill the earth, have babies, have lots of them, and uh fill the earth that way, to have children.

And then later on in Deuteronomy chapter 6, and this is right after uh the Ten Commandments, uh, this is what God uh says to the people.

Deuteronomy 6 · chapter mention

He says, Um, and these words that I commanded to you today shall be in your heart.

And then I love this.

You shall teach them diligently to your children.

You shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise.

And so we see that in the Old Testament.

But then again, all through the New Testament, we just see how the Lord values marriage.

He values family.

And he ultimately created marriage as a picture of the gospel.

And we're gonna get into more of that a little bit later.

And then he created family as really the foundational way of telling the next generation about him, how great he is.

And so we're to disciple our kids so that they would know and love the God of the Bible.

And so I mention all of this because um if the Lord created marriage, if he created family, it means that he gets to determine how it all operates.

Okay, make sense?

He gets to decide what it is and what it is not.

Okay, and as the church, we cannot, okay, I plead with you, we cannot make the mistake of elevating ourselves and our wisdom, our knowledge above God and above the scriptures.

Okay, we can't do that.

And when we do that, we're we're telling him how it should go.

We're telling him how this whole thing uh should operate by just kind of picking and choosing the things that we like and the things that we don't like in Scripture.

Okay, and I say all of this because here at Harvest, we believe in the sufficiency and the totality of Scripture.

Okay, we believe in that.

We believe that the Bible is enough.

We don't need to go outside of that and start adding a bunch of new rules or a bunch of things.

It's not it's not outdated and it's not just for people 2,000 years ago.

It's every bit as relevant for us as individuals, as the church, as families now as it ever was.

Okay, and so our job, our job is to work to understand the Bible and then obey it.

Okay, pretty simple.

I didn't say that was easy, okay, but it's simple.

We need to work to understand it and then obey it, whether it's popular in today's world or not.

Okay, we aim to please Him.

We aim to subject ourselves to Him in all things.

Okay, so with all of that said, then, uh, here's the first thing.

Okay, you've got notes there, follow along.

Okay, my family pleases the Lord when my marriage functions the way that God intended.

My marriage functions the way God intended.

Check out verse 18 then.

Verse 18 says, Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

You know, Mike, what's up with all of the talk just now about, you know, the authority of Scripture and the fact that God determines how marriage should operate?

Well, because of verses like this.

Right?

Because of verses like this, particularly the first part, the first half of verse 18.

Take a look again.

It says, Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting with the Lord.

I think it's probably safe to say uh that for some people, this verse, like, I don't know, rubs us the wrong way, maybe just a bit.

Right?

I think it I think it does.

And and some chafe at the idea that uh a wife is to submit in any way, shape, or form uh to her husband.

And uh, I mean it's not at all the prevailing thought of our culture, of the day and age.

All of that is teaching pretty much the exact opposite, right?

It is.

And so this verse is extremely uh counter-cultural.

Okay, so how are we supposed to understand this?

All right, what are how are we supposed to think rightly about all of this?

Okay, well, a really important verse for you to jot down right now.

We're not gonna have time uh to read this because uh for the sake of time, but um Ephesians 5, okay, Ephesians 5 verses 22 to 33.

Ephesians 5:22–33

So crucial that you write that down, that you take a look at that uh later this week, because this is the passage where Paul goes into kind of greater depth even than ours, into the roles of husband uh and wife.

And so in there, I'll just kind of summarize it a little bit as we go here, but in there we see that that God has given husbands the role of uh spiritual authority and leadership uh over his wife.

And he compares that entire dynamic, the marriage dynamic, uh, to how the church submits to Jesus Christ.

That's the comparison.

Now, as the church, as we submit ourselves to Jesus Christ, which is what I hope we're going for here, as we do that, we do it joyfully.

Right?

We do it willingly.

And when the church does that, the Lord just blesses.

He blesses, he pours himself out and he does uh amazing things in all kinds of different ways.

Now, the word submit here in verse 18, it means willingly subject.

Willingly subject, not by compulsion.

Okay, so in marriage, okay, in marriage, this is something that wiser to do gladly, or to do this gladly, knowing that your marriage relationship is to be a vivid example, a vivid picture to the world as to what the gospel is.

Okay, pretty incredible.

It's not about the wife's rights, it's not about the husband's rights.

That's not what this whole thing is even about uh primarily.

Okay, God designed a wife's submission in marriage to be an amazing opportunity to choose humility, to choose humility, to get the attention away from self and on to the Lord.

That's what we should be about, husbands and wives.

Let's deflect that attention.

It needs to be on him and how great he is and what he has done.

You know, real quick here, I want to give us uh three misconceptions about submission.

Okay, because I'm sure you have a lot of questions, like what does this really look like?

And maybe you have like a really ugly picture of what that uh is all about.

That's what comes to mind.

Well, here's the first thing the misconception.

Okay, submission does not imply inferiority.

Okay, submission does not imply inferiority.

All right, so it doesn't mean that husbands are better than wives.

Okay, it doesn't mean that men are more important.

Okay, in Galatians 2 and all through scripture, we see very clearly that God created man and woman equal.

Okay, we're equal.

We're on the same level, so to speak.

Okay, so we are, I love how Wayne Grudom puts it, men and women are completely equal in personhood and in importance.

Okay, so we are equal, but that does not mean that we are the same.

Okay, we're equal, but we're not the same, which means that we have different roles.

God has given us different roles to accomplish.

And if you want to think about this, think about the Trinity.

Okay, the Trinity.

Uh God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

Completely equal.

All right, but they did different things, different roles.

So, for example, God the Father did not come and die on the cross, did he?

No, the son did that.

But does that make one of them more important than the other?

No, of course not.

And so that's kind of a picture to help you understand all of this.

Submission does not imply uh inferiority at all.

Okay, here's a second one.

Submission is not absolute.

Submission is not absolute.

Okay, so obedience, okay, obedience is reserved for children to parents.

Okay, so submission is not about, hey, wife, obey me in all things.

That is not what it's about at all.

In fact, okay, I say this carefully, but in fact, there may be times where it's appropriate to not submit in a marriage.

Okay, if the husband is asking the wife to do something that's completely ungodly, if it's if he's asking her to do something that is, or is leading them to do something that is unbiblical, if there's like some kind of abuse or something like that in the home, not appropriate to submit in that way.

Okay, and I would just say this if if if there's anyone here in this room that is dealing with anything like abuse in your marriage, please come forward, come tell us.

Come talk to somebody.

We want to help you, we want to pray for you, we want to come alongside you and help you figure out how do you handle yourself, how how can we get some help for you uh in that situation?

Okay, and that is hard, that is difficult.

I would say don't hide that stuff.

I know that it's hard, but we're here uh to help and to do what we can to protect.

Okay, submission is not absolute.

Last thing here this is a misconception.

Okay, husband's authority is not to be done in a in an overbearing or authoritative type of a way.

All right, so husbands, your wife's submission is not an excuse, it's not permission for you to be oppressive.

Okay, just constantly dropping the hammer and do this, do that, my way goes, we're not gonna have any discussions about this.

That's not what it is about.

I'm gonna be real clear about that.

Okay, that is not your role, husbands, to be harsh and oppressive.

Okay, that really leads us to verse 19 then.

Take a look at that.

Get to the husband's role here.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Right?

Clear.

Clear as day.

Okay, husbands are to care for, they're to nurture, they're to they're to love their wives.

And the Ephesians 5 passage explains in greater detail how that the the the love that a husband is to have for his wife is supposed to be like how Christ loved the church.

Right?

Let's not forget, how did Christ express his love for the church?

He died for her.

Right?

He died.

That's the standard that God holds you to, husbands.

That's the standard.

And I don't want us to make this mistake, okay, of over-emphasizing the difficulty and the magnitude of a wife's role in marriage, which is difficult for sure.

I don't want us to over-emphasize that because that verse jumps out and it's like a red flag and a warning to the exclusion of a husband's role here.

In Ephesians 5, you really see this.

It tells, it says what the wife's role is in a couple of verses, and the husband's role is like super long, right?

It's intense.

Again, the standard is high.

Husbands, are you loving your wives in this sacrificial type way?

Are you putting her needs above your own?

And let's be honest, in this culture today, it's encouraging men to just be kids forever.

Just be dumb and young and never grow up.

And I think that's what we have.

We have a lot of husbands who just who never grow up, and it's still about their needs and what they want to do constantly.

That's not what the Bible says.

That's what got not that's not what God's heart is for you.

Are you caring for her?

Are you sensitive to her?

Are you trying to live with your wife in an understanding way, as the scriptures say?

Are you patient with her?

Are you guiding her towards Christ?

Are you discipling your wife?

This is this is huge for Christ, right?

This is what he wants for you.

And on top of that, are you willing to die for your wife?

Is that your approach?

Is that your angle?

Just as Christ did for the church.

Okay, the standard high.

It's high for husbands.

Okay, or as the verse says, Um, do you tend to be harsh with your wife?

Are you hard on her?

Now listen, and this is really important here.

Okay, this was this is really helpful for me and helped me kind of click this entire issue uh into place into my mind, but but both a wife's lack of submission and a husband's harshness are the natural default settings of our heart.

Okay, do you understand that?

That's the natural position that you will you that you will have.

And all of this, okay, all of this comes as a result of the fall.

Hey, back in in Genesis, this is what God says to Adam and Eve.

They have just sinned, and now he's pronouncing judgment on them.

He's like, this is the way that it's gonna go now for all of humanity uh from now until I return.

He says in Genesis 3.16, he says, Your desire, speaking to the uh to Eve, your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.

This is a profound statement.

Let me unpack it a little bit for you.

Okay, he says again to Eve, your desire, so literally, literally that means your desire to rule.

Okay, your desire to rule shall be for or against your husband.

Okay, that's what it says.

And your and your husband, he shall rule over you.

Okay, that word for rule there means literally, it means to rule with harshness.

So, what's what is God saying?

This is profound.

He's saying at the very beginning of the Bible, he's giving us the heads up that, hey, this is how it's gonna be.

You guys are gonna have a hard time in marriage.

Your wife is naturally gonna wanna go against everything that you say.

She's not gonna want to respect you, she's not gonna wanna submit to your to your leadership, she's not gonna want that.

And husbands, you're naturally gonna be kind of jerks, right?

You're gonna be harsh with your wives, you're not gonna, you're not gonna support them, you're not gonna guide them along.

He's telling us that this is how it's gonna be.

And it's gonna be hard.

It's gonna be difficult.

He's telling us that the that in marriage it's it's gonna be uh a sanctifying process where the husband and the wife are gonna need to work hard by the grace of God to grow in this way and to have a marriage that functions the way that the Lord intended.

The way that he outlines here for us.

Okay, so how's your marriage?

Right, with all that being said, how's it going?

Yeah, I'd really encourage you to have a conversation today.

You know, you with your spouse, talk to them and and and figure out what what are some of the attitudes, what are what's the approach that we've been coming at here?

What are some of the maybe the wrong or faulty beliefs that we've had here and some things that we need to repent of?

How do we need to have a kind of a change of our mindset, like we talked about uh last week when it comes to this, and spend some time praying and confessing these things?

And let me tell you again, just a little shameless plug here.

Coming tonight to our to our prayer night is an awesome opportunity to come deal with some of this stuff.

Right?

And to get together and confess this and say, Lord, we want our marriage to be in the right place, and we're not getting it right, we're not doing this perfectly, but Lord, we want it, we want to we want to start over.

We want to get this into a good position.

We want to become the model of what God intended so we can be an example to others and glorify Christ more.

And hey, if you're single here, okay, and we we've got lots, allow this to allow this to shape what you believe.

Allow this to shape your thinking and and what you're looking for in a spouse.

Maybe you're engaged.

You better have a conversation about this kind of stuff.

Because listen, it's gonna be hard if you do, if you are on the same page, it's gonna be really hard if you're not.

Ask the Lord to lead you to the right person and that he would develop in you a marriage that pleases him and functions his way.

Okay, here's the second thing.

Okay, my family pleases the Lord when my children strive to obey.

Verse 20, take a look.

It says, Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Alright, any any kids in this room, any students that are here, I know we've got a lot of them up and up in Harvest Kids, but if you're like a student here in this room, I want to talk to you for a second.

And uh, parents, feel free to listen in if you want to.

Um but again, to the students, to the children, to the kids uh in the room here, um, how are you guys doing in the obey your parents in everything department?

Right?

How are you uh doing in that?

Okay, my mom's actually here uh this morning visiting, and uh, you know, I was thinking about myself as a kid, uh as you know, growing up in the home, and I feel like I just like crush this constantly.

Right?

I was just trying to get an eye roll out of my mom.

But she was uh she's giving me thumbs up, right?

That's a sarcastic thumbs up for sure.

Okay, but notice here, kids, it doesn't say obey your parents in some things.

Or even in most things.

No, it says everything.

Everything.

That's a lot to think about.

Okay, but your role until you move out of the house, until you you're you're sus you're sustaining yourself financially and all of that is to willingly subject yourself to your parents' leadership.

Okay, but Mike, my parents are kind of lame.

Right?

And and they have all kinds of rules for me that they they expect me to follow.

Doesn't matter.

Okay, it doesn't matter.

But but but Mike, they don't understand me.

And they they don't get what it means to be a kid anymore.

Who cares?

Okay, no, I'm I'm not trying to be like super harsh and difficult about all of this.

But hey, I can pretty much I can guarantee that your parents love you.

They love you, they they care about you deeply.

I mean, you may you maybe don't feel it right now, but I can guarantee that they're trying their best.

They really are.

And listen, I know that, I know that it can get difficult and it can get a little bit dicey.

And what does this mean?

Obey them in everything?

You know, it can get complicated, and and maybe you find yourself in the middle of a broken home.

Maybe that's you, and you've got parents that are at war with each other, and you're you're caught in the middle, and one parent's telling you to do one thing and the other parents telling you to do another thing.

You're like, I don't know.

How do I honor the Lord in this?

Right?

What do I do?

Or for you, you're you're a student and you're trying so hard to please the Lord and follow him and press into him, but your parents aren't even saved, and they don't support your pursuit, none of that.

Listen, I get it's tough.

It's even hard to obey your parents when your home is strong and healthy.

Right?

It's difficult, but there is great blessing in obedience.

Do you understand that?

There is great blessing.

The fifth commandment, out of the Ten Commandments, halfway through, um, God says this honor your father and mother that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Honor your father and mother.

Okay, and kids, I want to say this too as well.

You play a huge role in establishing a family that pleases the Lord.

You play a huge role in that.

It's not just on your parents to figure it out.

You play a massive, a massive part in it.

And again, your role is to willingly, joyfully, and you're gonna have to fight for that heart.

You really are.

But it's to obey your parents.

Now, to the parents here.

Okay, but how are you guys doing in the whole parenting thing?

Okay, how are you doing in that?

That really leads us to the third thing here.

Okay, my family pleases the Lord when my parenting builds up and encourages.

None of that is my intention, my heart in all of this, but to encourage and uh to help us kind of shave off maybe some of the rough edges in all of that.

But verse 21 says this says, Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged.

Now that word father there is actually probably better translated, parents.

Parents do not provoke your children.

Okay, and so this isn't just a verse for the dad, but it's a verse for the moms as well.

Okay, it says, do not provoke.

Well, you know, it's not a word we necessarily use a whole lot these days.

It just means uh to irritate or aggravate or incite.

He's like, don't do those things uh to your kids lest they become discouraged.

Listen, parenting is hard.

Parenting is is hard.

And being a kid is hard.

I think we would probably all do well to understand that.

Let's just take a deep breath here and get that.

Okay, that the task of parenting is a monumental one.

Okay, it is it is huge.

And being a kid these days is is arguably harder than ever.

It really is.

Okay, but one of the things that this verse reveals here is that it's easy to discourage our kids.

Parents, do you understand that?

It's easy to discourage our kids.

It's a challenge to balance encouragement with godly discipline, you know, correction with inspiring them.

Right?

That that's a hard thing to figure out.

And I mean, how many times, parents, have you wondered, like, am I doing this right at all?

I mean, I feel like that's like where I live.

Right?

My kids aren't even teenagers yet.

Right?

They're they're young.

But I mean, you guys have seen my daughter Karis, she's beautiful.

It's like you know the task is difficult to discipline, right?

It's tough.

Like, am I doing I feel like I like I'm getting like I'm on the I'm on the bottom end, the losing end of that equation all the time.

Right?

It's difficult.

Now you might be wondering, you know, what are some of the things that I might be doing to discourage my kids?

Maybe you're not even uh really aware, you don't know.

Well, I read these uh this week, an author said that uh gave these.

These are ten ways that we can discourage or or exasperate our children uh or cause them to lose heart, as some some translations say.

Uh so here's ten of them.

I'm gonna go through them really quickly.

Uh the first one is overprotection.

Overprotection.

Is this you?

Um are you the parent who gives your kids zero freedoms?

Right?

Part of your job in parenting is to teach them how to be an adult and teach them how to have responsibility and give them freedoms as as they grow up and as they get older.

And if you don't give them any freedoms, it shows that you don't trust them.

And kids see that and they know that, and it can cause them to despair, and it can lead it later to um to rebellion.

And I've seen that before in years of youth ministry.

See parents who are just constantly holding on to them.

Their kids 17, and all they can watch is like Daniel Tiger at home, right?

Like, not great.

Right?

And so the kids like they they rebel, right?

And they go off the rails, and the parents are like, well, we tried, we had rules.

Like, yeah, the problem is you went too far with it.

You got no freedoms.

They don't have that, and kids know it, and they they're despairing and they're lashing out.

Okay, second one here, showing favoritism.

Showing favoritism is the kiss of death.

It really is.

Okay, favoring one child over another and giving one all kinds of blessings and being harder on the other one.

It's not even, it's not as fair as you can try and make it.

Listen, we see this kind of thing wreak havoc in the scriptures.

Think about Jacob and Joseph.

Right?

Jacob's like, Joseph, you're my favorite son ever.

Here's this awesome jacket, it's yours.

How'd that go with the family?

Not great.

The brothers hated him.

They sold him into slavery.

It turned into decades and decades of pain for this family.

All because of favoritism.

Third one, depreciating their worth.

That discourages kids.

Okay, in some way, are you communicating to your kids that they aren't important?

Is that what you show them?

Maybe with your words, maybe with your actions.

Maybe it's that you're um, you know, you refuse to listen to them.

They're just like, they need to talk, they need to state their case, they need to share something.

You're like, no, I don't want to hear you.

Okay, you're you're showing them, you're you're depreciating uh their worth.

Fourth one, setting unrealistic goals.

You set unrealistic goals, are you the perfectionist parent?

Who's like, well, it was it was okay, but it wasn't perfect.

Right again, they'll feel like they never have your approval, that you don't love them.

That's this that's the sense that their heart is gonna have.

They're gonna be so deeply discouraged over that.

Yeah, they need your approval.

You need to have realistic goals.

Fifth one, failing to show affection.

Failing to show affection.

Maybe for you it's it's verbal, and you never tell your kids that you love them and that you're proud of them, and that you're encouraged with how they're doing.

Maybe it's it's physically, you never you never give them hugs, you never give them a kiss on the head.

Your kids are young, you're not snuggling with them on the couch.

You need to show affection.

Number six, not providing for their needs.

Not providing for their needs.

Uh maybe for them, it's as simple as giving them good, healthy meals daily, or giving them clean clothes.

And you know, as little kids, a place to play, and as they that as they grow older, it's it's privacy.

That's a need that they have as they get older.

Are you giving them that?

Number seven, a lack of standards.

Okay, this is like the opposite end of the spectrum from overprotection.

Kids can kind of do whatever they want.

Kids actually truly hate that.

They may say that they like it, but they don't know where they stand.

They don't know where the standards are.

Is there no discipline in your home?

Do your kids just get away with doing whatever they want?

That's a bad scene.

I remember somebody who said to us when our kids were, I don't know, like three and one or something like that.

Um, it was a mom at at our church, and she said, Hey, kind of the personality that your kids have at three, four, five, whatever, it's kind of the same personality that they have when they're 13, 14, 15.

And she was like, deal with it now.

Because you do not want that coming out in high school, right?

You don't.

We need to discipline, okay, not a lack of standards.

Number eight, criticism.

Criticism.

Are you harsh with your kids?

Are you are you hard on them?

Do you do you rip them when they don't get it right?

Are you constantly nagging on them and pointing out the fault and never thinking about the positives?

Listen, they need a positive and constructive environment in which to grow, in which to flourish.

Number number nine, neglect.

Neglect is a way that we discourage our kids.

You abandon them.

Might be physical abandonment, but maybe it's emotional abandonment.

You never find out how they're doing.

You need to be involved in their lives.

You need to be involved with them.

Dads, you have daughters, you don't understand women, right?

You don't understand little girls.

Uh they're gonna love dolls.

You know, are you getting down on your hands and knees and and playing with that, uh, playing with them on that, getting down on their level?

Moms, you grabbing a hockey stick and and getting out there in the yard, taking shots, doing that kind of stuff.

What they love, you love.

That should be your that should be your approach.

Don't neglect them.

The last one here, excessive discipline.

Excessive discipline.

This would be like constant anger, lashing out, abuse, abuse.

Might be any different kind, verbal, sexual, physical.

Obviously, all of that is abhorrent in God's sight.

It is sin and it is awful, excessive discipline.

You need to lovingly and gently correct your kids, just like the Lord does with us.

Right?

And again, if you if if if there's a bad situation going on in your home with some type of abuse, okay, come tell somebody.

Tell your small group leader, come up and get some prayer after the service.

Okay, we're here to help.

Okay, and I'll tell you right now, one of the most powerful things that you can do as a parent is apologize to your children.

You ever done that before?

Um, it's a pretty uh amazing thing.

It shows them that you know that you're not perfect.

Right?

Sometimes that's what kids think.

Kids think, oh, my parents just think they're all that.

No, we don't.

No, we don't.

We know that we're not all that, but apologizing really puts it on full display.

When you make a mistake, apologize.

It models for them what repentance and what humility and what growth and what God's grace are really all about here.

Okay, if you've if you've done or are currently doing any of the things that are on this list, humble yourself.

Go to your kids, have a conversation with them, apologize to them, ask for their forgiveness, and then spend some time with them praying and asking that God would strengthen you as a parent and that he would give you wisdom, and that we'd grow you in your parenting.

You do these types of things, you're gonna be well on your way to being a family that pleases the Lord.

Okay, last thing.

My family pleases the Lord when my employee-employer relationship is honoring, when it's honoring.

Okay, take a look at uh verse 22 now.

All right, verse 22 says, Bond servants obey in everything those who are uh your earthly masters, not by way of I service as people pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

You are serving the Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord Christ, for the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you have a master in heaven.

Now, at first glance, you kind of read these verses, and you might be thinking, you know, he's talking about like slaves and masters now.

Um, you know, what does this have to do with family?

Right?

This thing just seemed to kind of take a like a vicious 180 here.

Um what's he what's he getting at?

Okay, let me explain some of this.

Okay, first of all, um the idea of slavery here, okay, important thing, brings up some important questions.

I think when we think about slavery, what comes to mind is the the horrific and barbaric and and and you know racially forced labor, sexually motivated slave trade of the last several hundred years.

That's what we think about when we think about uh slavery.

And in fact, uh with an estimated 27 million people still in forced slavery, and most of those uh being women and children, there's no question that that slavery is worse right now, okay, right now, than it ever was across human history combined.

Okay, slavery is a huge, huge problem.

That is staggering, those numbers.

And again, it brings up some interesting questions here.

Like this one.

Why does it kind of seem like this passage and maybe some other places in scripture as well kind of appear to condone this?

Why does it appear to condone slavery?

Why doesn't Paul take the opportunity right now to just stand up and shut this down?

Okay, okay, slavery has no part, has no part in anything.

It should be done with.

Why didn't he try to establish some kind of social reform?

Well, again, we need to realize a couple of things here.

First of all, that Christ's purpose uh primarily was not to reform uh uh civilization on a social level.

That was not his purpose uh primarily.

Okay, he came, he came to transform individuals spiritually.

That's what he came to do.

That was his main purpose.

He came to do that from the inside out.

And the idea being that as more people come to Christ, as more people are transformed from from the inside out, we're gonna have a greater impact on our society around us.

And that is really the approach here, and that the more people get saved, the better our society around us is gonna be.

That's kind of the first thing.

Second thing, and this is hopefully helpful.

Okay, understand that the slavery depicted in these verses was different than the slavery of modern times.

Okay, it was different.

So the slavery that we're thinking about, all of that, this is actually uh quite a bit uh different.

Okay, in those days, slavery was actually a mutually agreed upon um relationship.

Okay, oftentimes what would happen is a person would owe a debt.

They would owe a debt, and so they would willingly subject themselves to a master to pay off the debt.

It was, it was, that that's how it worked, and and so they would become a slave or a servant.

Our verse uses the word bondservant, and they would they would become that willingly until the debt was paid off.

And in some cases, if the debt was really, really large, they would become a bondservant permanently.

And so what would happen is these guys would become very much, slaves would become very much kind of a part of the family.

And you can see why now Paul links this whole section into the part about marriages and kids.

It's all part of it.

Now, I want to be really clear about this too before we move on.

Okay, the Bible regularly condemns the evil subjugation of people and cruel practices.

Okay, it regularly shuts down and says it's awful, the type of slavery from the last several hundred years.

And just a couple of verses, you can jot these down if you want, but Exodus 21, verse 16.

Exodus 21:16

So the New Testament, the Old Testament talks about it.

Exodus 21, 16, 1 Timothy 1, verses 8 to 10.

1 Timothy 1:8–10

It talks about the sinfulness, the awfulness of this evil subjugation.

Now, in Colossians, in our verse, in our passage, the relationship was more employer employee than uh than anything else.

And so, Paul, what he does is he seeks to give instructions.

How can we, this is the situation of our day, this is the way that our culture is operating.

We do have this slave master thing set up, and so I want to teach you how to operate, how to glorify Christ in that system.

That's what he is saying here.

And so these are some of the principles that we can carry forward today.

All right, so what is what are our attitudes uh like when it comes to work?

When it comes to work, when it comes to work ethic towards our employer, towards our job, you know, or or how how are we treating our employees if we happen to own a company or we're in management and we've got people working uh for us and under us?

Okay, so let's go through this.

If you're an employee, how's your attitude?

How's your attitude towards work?

Right?

It's become way too, I don't know, popular to have this like kind of pseudo-bad attitude towards work in the church, like making fun of work and oh, I gotta go to work.

And do you realize how that affects your family?

Do you realize what they're seeing here?

On top of that, do you obey your boss?

Do you obey him, her?

Do you follow him or her?

And not, as verse 22 says, take a look, by way of eye service.

Or as people pleasers.

In other words, are you the kind of employee that just kind of fakes it?

Right?

You just you just put on a good show when the boss is around.

Right?

Look how hard I'm working and I'm doing this, just trying to move up the ladder, but my heart's so far from this, and I think my my boss is the worst ever, and I'm just I'm faking it.

It's pure people pleasing here, or or it's just eye service.

Paul says here that we're to work with sincerity of heart.

You see that?

Fearing the Lord.

Sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Verse 23, he says, Whatever you do, work heartily, heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.

Knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

And then I love this, underline it.

You are serving the Lord Christ.

You're serving him.

He reminds us of the big picture.

Okay, no matter what your job is, it might be full-time, part-time, temporary, you know, dream job, love it, hate it.

It doesn't really matter.

Are we working towards honoring Jesus Christ in our attitude and our work ethic?

Are we doing that?

And hey, if you're a if you're a manager or an employer here, uh, chapter 4, verse 1 is for you.

It says, Masters, hey, masters, and I don't encourage you to use that type of language, maybe, with people.

I'm your master.

No, don't do it.

It says, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a master in heaven.

Remember that you've you've got the Lord in heaven who is over you.

And think about how he treats you.

He treats you with fairness, he treats you beyond that, he treats you with grace, he treats you with incredible love constantly.

Now, again, how how does this all tie into a family that pleases the Lord?

How does it work?

Well, again, when you work hard and you've got the right approach to your career and all of that, it allows you, it helps you be able to provide for your family, to provide for them in all kinds of different ways.

And when you model the proper attitude towards work and towards the people at your work, you're teaching them, you're showing your children how to honor people and how to honor Jesus Christ as well.

And on top of all of that, you're showing them how to be mature, how to function, how to how to be a contributor to society, how to be a godly citizen.

You're pushing them towards adulthood.

All of this is so, so important.

So, again, does your family please the Lord?

Does your family please the Lord?

And again, let's remember like the big picture here, the overarching.

Picture.

Hey, when our families become the type of families that God outlines for us here in this passage, what happens is that God gets the glory.

Amen?

God gets the glory.

That's what we should want.

That's what we should be going for here.

Lord, I want it to be about you.

I want it to be about your fame.

I want you to get the spotlight.

I want the spotlight to be off of me and onto you because I want you to do great things.

And I want people to see you at work.

And as he does that, he's going to delight in you more and more.

And we become an example to the unbelieving world around us.

And people are going to see you, if they haven't already, they're going to see you and be like, what's different about you?

Why are your kids not going crazy?

Why do you seem to appreciate being with your spouse?

Like they're going to notice that there's a difference.

It gives you an opportunity to talk about what God is doing.

It's going to give you an example to share the gospel, to invite them to church, all of that type of thing.

You can show them that the Lord is transforming you.

And listen, if you're here this morning and you would say that, you know, I don't know the Lord Jesus Christ.

I don't have a relationship with him.

I don't even really know what you're talking about.

Know this.

You know that the God of the universe loves you passionately, more than you can even imagine.

And he wants to transform your life.

He wants to transform you.

First of all, it starts all with dealing with the sin that is in your heart.

You realize that all the stuff that you have done, all the sin, it's called, it's it means missing the mark.

It means you fall short of God's standard.

His standard is perfection.

We don't reach that standard.

We can't do it.

And we've got sin that's blown apart any possibility of being in a relationship with God.

And so instead of God saying, well, I guess they've got an eternity in hell to contend with.

So he sent his son Jesus Christ to bridge the gap, to fix the problem, to deal with the sin.

And so to know him and to start the process of being transformed really looks like admitting your sin before the Lord.

You can do that by yourself.

You can do that, you can pray with somebody and just say, Lord, I've sinned against you.

Would you forgive me?

Would you be my savior?

That's really as simple as I can put it.

He wants to do that.

He wants to transform you.

He wants to do that in your family as well.

He wants to do that in your life.

He wants to do that in your spouse's life and in your kids' life.

So I'm going to pray for us right now.

I'm going to pray for you.

If you're wrestling through what a relationship with God looks like, and maybe he's stirring something up in you, I'm going to pray for you.

I'm going to pray for the rest of us, and our families would come to glorify the Lord more, and our marriages would be strengthened.

Our kids would grow up to love Jesus and be very countercultural in all of this.

That our work attitudes would glorify Christ.

We're going to pray.

We're going to ask.

And as he does this in us, our church is going to get that much stronger.

Amen?

Not so that we can look awesome.

Not so that we can be great.

But again, it's for him.

It's for his glory.

Let's pray.

God, we come before you now and we plead that you would do, Lord, a powerful, powerful work in our hearts.

Lord, that you would do this.

Lord, in our marriages, Lord, that you would do this.

Lord, in our children.

Lord, help us to take stock of where we're at.

Lord, what are some of the things that we've just kind of let go to the wayside that we need to tighten up and sharpen up here today in our marriage with our kids, with our work attitudes, all of it?

Lord, would you we need your grace, Lord, would you do this?

Lord, I even think of children, obey your parents in everything.

That's impossible.

We can't do it.

It shows us how badly we need you, Lord.

Would you draw near to kids today?

Our children who are upstairs, some of the older ones that are down here.

Help us, Lord, give us hearts that want to submit ourselves to you first and foremost.

And Lord, to have families that are in line with what you say, in line with your word.

Lord, have mercy on us.

Lord, I pray that as we worship, we would worship with humble hearts.

Lord, grateful for your grace, grateful for your love for us.

Lord, we pray all of this in the powerful name of Jesus.

Amen.