How I Found My Soulmate // Relationship Goals: In Real Life (Part 1) // Pastor Michael Todd

Welcome to Transformation Church Podcast, where we represent God to

the lost and found for transformation in Christ. We're so

glad you're here and wherever you're listening from, we believe

God will transform your life. To today's message.

We are starting a brand new series. This is week

one of a series we're calling Relationship Goals in Real Life.

Now No no, Now. Some of y'all are scared because

some of y'all lost ya last boyfriend after the Last

Relationship Goes series. Others of you got into counseling for

the first time. Others of you got a relationship with God.

I'm promising you as this is my third time doing

a relationship series like this. This is unlike anything I've

ever done. The Holy Spirit interrupted the flow of what

I thought I was gonna do during twenty one days

of prayer. I thought I had a plan. And this

is why you keep going back to God and ask

him what he wants you to do, because sometimes he'll

tell you what you need to know to get you

past where you are to then change it to what

you need to do y'all missed it. Sometimes he'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

we're gonna do that, just so you'll be like, great,

I have a plan, and then when you get there,

he's like, yeah, that's not the plan. This is what

I really want you to do, and you have to

be open to the spirits moving. And so I wasn't

planning to be in this series, but the Holy Spirit said,

right now, I need you to inject my voice into

a cultural conversation that they have no wisdom on't y'all

didn't hear what I just said. We are listening to

people on podcasts that have not had a successful relationship

in a decade. Tell you what a man is supposed

to be and how females should You're lonely alone. Your

likes and followers are the people you get comforted by.

We are taking more at We are listening to bitter people.

And I'm not just talking people with a platform and

a podcast, Mike. I'm talking to your family, your aunt

who thinks all men are bad, every man you had

you picked, I'm gonna go to this other side. The

only common denominator is you. I just want to be clear.

We are in a a place where there's an epidemic

of passive and soft men. Okay, y'all did y'all not

want to. I thought I was gonna get more amens

from the ladies on that one. Brother won't even approach you,

won't talk to you, won't pay for nothing, won't do nothing.

He's looking for his mommy. Yeah, and we have women

who are so I n d ev And is you

so independent that as soon as anybody approached, you're comparing

them to what you've been able to amass. And you're

a boss. Come on, but the only person that you're

leading is your puppy. Let me get into the word,

because I don't know if I'm gonna have anybody. What

I'm asking us to do is, for the next six weeks,

figure out how to silence the noise of people who

didn't create the thing. Nobody talking about relationship created it.

They only need it. And so we have to go

to the standard or the word of God or the

God of the Word, who actually created relationship to be

able to find out how to do it. We have

already seen that just fine doesn't work. We've already seen

that money just doesn't do it. We've already seen that

time served. How are you married after thirty years and

then you divorce? It's because something was wrong watch this

from the beginning, and my burden in this series, I

feel the presence of God already. It's to help you

win in relationships. Watch this in real life, not ethereally,

not just something that you've dreamed of, not a fairy tale,

not a movie concept. I want your real relationships to

actually be beneficial to your life and everybody's life around.

And that means watch this in this series. We can't

start with them. We have to start with us. Oh,

buckle up, I know your booty just got tired right there,

because because you are gonna blame everybody else who you

invited in for what you did not receive. But it's

not them, because the only person that you can change

in the relationship. Start with me. God. You want to

pray a real prayer, Start with me. God. Oh oh,

when the last time you prayed that? Start with me? God. Husbands,

but she don't cook, she don't clean, she don't do nothing,

She don't even put it down like she used to.

She don't even start with me. God. I don't affirm,

I don't encourage, I don't call out anymore. I don't pursue.

Oh God, I just felt it. It got real quiet,

right there, so let me bring it up. It's Valentine's

Day weekend. How many people had a great Valentine's Day? Okay,

how many people you're Valentine's Day were? SELI nevermind, I'm

not even gonna ask that because your wife or husband

is sitting right there. Just look straight. This is cool

for me and Natalie because Valentine's Day is actually kind

of important to us because many of you know our story,

especially if you've read the book Relationship Goals or you've

been around for a while. But me and Natalie met

when I was fifteen years old. This was our twenty

fifth Valentine's Day celebrating this year. Yeah, twenty five years

like now, that means I've been with her for a

very long time. But Valentine's Day was special because I

met her in December and then I asked her to

be my girlfriend in January, and the first gift I

ever got her was on Valentine's Day. And so on

Valentine's Day, I asked my dad to take me to

a place called Service Merchandise. Some of y'all too, y'all

don't know nothing about no Service Merchandise, But it used

to be on seventy first and Memorial, and I asked

my dad and they were having a close out, close out,

close out fell and I took one hundred and fifty

dollars to service merchandise and I saw a gold heart necklace.

You remember this, dad, and my dad paid the other

one hundred and fifty because it was two ninety nine.

And I bought my then first girlfriend, ever Uh, a

diamond but I would I would, I would use yeah,

use that term very loosely, but I bought her a

diamond heart necklace. And so this year, I was like, man,

I got to do something special for Natalie for Valentine's Day.

And it's so crazy that in my real life it's

different than than than what people may expect, Like like,

in my real life, what my wife wanted was not

all the things that people would post on Instagram, like like,

So what I did for my wife this Valentine's Day

is I got all the kids out the house. Some

of the moms are standing up and clapping right now.

I sent all my kids away. They didn't even come

home on Friday. I packed their bags and I sent

them away because we've been traveling for the promotion of

relationship goes the movie and my wife is an introvert,

so she'd been Hi Hi, and her battery is just depleted.

She's like, I can't meet nobody else, can't talk to

nobody else. She wants to be in her own bed.

And I was like, instead of me doing what the

image of relationships looked like, let me give you what

I know you need in real life. And so I

got the kids out of the house, and then I

sent her off for a massage. And while she was

off at the massage, I had the room cleaned, and

we cleaned the room, and then I went and got

twenty five balloons and put twenty five pictures attached to

it of us throughout the years. And I went in

and I got her white covered strawberries and a chacuterie board,

and I got all the things that she liked, and

I sent everybody away, and it was just me and

her in that house in real life. When she came

home and said, where's the kids, I said, you don't

got to worry about them.

Baby, melotonein already taken care of.

Literally, watch this, watch this. My wife's response was tears.

I could have bought her a purse that would have

put us in debt. But that's not what she wanted.

In real I could, I could have done a display

that would have made everybody jealous, but that's not what

she wanted. In really, she didn't even know how to

articulate what she wanted. I had to have been in

relationship to her long enough to know what would feel

her tank in real I want every person, Oh you

want to kid, look at her? She just coming on? Girls?

What's it good? In real life? I'll be home in

real life. In just a moment, camera followed me. Where

you at? Camera? Where da go? They just laugh. I

love you beautiful here, I'm appreciate, and now I want

you to It's not beautiful in real life. Somebody might

miss the frame in real life. Everybody might be able

to capture the moment in real life. But the real

life love her coming out the back, her coming up

here and kissing me, her being at That's the reason

I'm saying this to you is because the facade is

wearing you out. I see the burden in your life

of an image you're trying to keep that doesn't even

feel like the beautiful picture you posted. You are trying

to to your family like everything's okay, but we can

hear it in the tone of your voice that you

are unhappy with the current situation. And because we don't

have entrance into your life like that, because you've never

invited us in, we act like your lies are good

because we see the stress in your body. That fifteen

pounds you gained since Christmas is not just cookies. It's stress,

that sickness you have to keep going on. It's something

you're holding in your body that you haven't let out

in real life. The hurt is turning into things that

you have to go and get checked in my wrist

and my arm, and I don't why is it. It's

because what we all need in real life is not

always what we're aiming for. And so today I just

want to let everybody know we serve an in real life. God,

God wants everything he says in his word to actually

happen in your real life. Prove it to me, pastor mic.

The Bible says it in Matthew six nine, when we're

talking about the Lord's prayer. Recite it with me, our Father,

which are in heaven, hollow it be thy name, thy Kingdom,

Come thy will be done where on in real life

as it is in We serve a God that if

there's no sickness in heaven, he wants it in real light. Y'all,

don't hear what I'm saying. If they's joy in heaven,

he wants it in real And many of us have

been settling for less than because we won't believe and

do the principles that God puts into his word for

us to see it in real life. So we're following

people that give us an image of relationship goals or

business goals or family goals. But if you cut that

thing open and get to see the vulnerability of it,

when you see couples that you never thought would be

a part getting divorced, when you know family members that

it's been dysfunctional for years, when you're literally in an

abusive relationship right now but you don't know how to

get out of it because of the pain that it

would cause to your children. What you're doing is settling

for less than God's best. And I want you to

have relationship goals. Help me say it in real life.

So the next six weeks, I need you to buckle

up because the reason listen to this that many people

are frustrated is because they don't see what they believe

in real life. You haven't seen the financial breakthrough, you

haven't seen the change. You haven't seen you stop being

as excited about certain things. And God is saying that

I'm coming to put silence to the idea that you

have to wait for heaven to have a of it

on earth. I'm coming to silence the lie that somehow

I need to escape this He's saying in heaven, I

mean on earth as it already is in heaven. God

wants you fulfilled in real life. Some of y'all, I'm

having to say it over and over because you've just

played this religious church thing and you don't believe He

wants you to be financially free in real right. How

can you bless on every occasion when you owe on

every occasion, either his word is true or it's not.

God wants you to be in abundance in real Why

when storms come, he wants you to still have peace

in Some of y'all can't even say it because there's

so much discouragement. But I believe by the end of

this sermon series, and some of y'all, by the end

of this sermon, God is going to help you understand

and obtain what He is giving us the power to

have in real like give me Bible pastor Mike, second

chapter one, verse three. By his divine power, God has

given us everything we need forgiving for living a godly life.

We have received all of this by coming to know Him,

the one who called us to himself, by means of

his marvelous glory and excellence. For the next six week,

I need us to make the standard the word of God.

I know you have a lot of relationship advice that

you've gotten from family members and people and podcasts. I

just want to say one more time, this is gonna

be the standard. Because if we can't agree on this,

and maybe you have some other beliefs and some other thoughts,

just give me six weeks. Give me six weeks to

prove to you that this is the standard or the

metric we're supposed to do relationships by. And if we

can agree on that, I'm gonna give you principles that

will change your life. And I'm gonna be real transparent.

I'm gonna be real hot, humble, open, and transparent with

you if you use these principles and don't know God,

they'll still work. Church people don't want to tell you

that they're so good that they will work even if

you don't believe in God. The end of the problem

is that your eternity will be jeopardized. And I want

you to meet Jesus and be able to live in

a life that actually makes sense in real life. And

so many people want to move forward as that is

the word of the year in our relationships, no matter

if it's romantic, business, family, but we don't see it

in real life. Matter of fact, I just want to

let you know that the Bible tells us that God

is a real life God, because if he wasn't, he

wouldn't have come to earth as a man. Do y'all

hear what I'm saying, y'all need Bible John one fourteen,

and the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

He had relationship with us because he wanted to take

off God and put it in human form so we

would know he was the same in real I just

want you to know that God is not doing a

bait and switch on you. He's not saying it. Trust

me and believe me and come on all this stuff,

and I'm not going to allow you to see the

healing in real life. So now when I read that

same passage in the Message version, look at this. The

word became flesh and blood, and he moved into the neighborhood.

God's trying to come to your neighborhood. Like God's trying

to He's trying to change the hood. You hear what

I'm saying. He's trying to change your life, and it

affect other people around and and affect other people around them.

He said, if I can show this family coming out

of poverty and actually getting the stuff together and actually

living in harmony and actually forgiving the people that was,

then that could spread to somebody else that could actually

come out of poverty and actually start living in truth

and actually start serving me. He wants to affect the

whole hood through your healing. Did you hear what I

just said? He wants to affect your whole neighborhood through

your healing, And yet you want God to do it

another way? He said, I cannot heal who I need

to heal around you until you become the poster child

of deliverance. Emmanuel, What does that mean? God? He wants relationship,

so over this next six weeks. I'm just setting you

up today because I'm telling you, if you don't understand

what's about to happen to you, you will by the

end of this. I was on a press tour for

the Relationship Goes to the movie, and by the way, I

want to say thank you for supporting it again. Y'all

made it number one. Y'all have been watching it. I

love you. But the testimonies that are coming in by

people watching the movie, getting the book, reading the book

in two days, y'all don't hear me. I'm talking real testimony,

finding Jesus in chapter three, asking what must I do

to be saved? And this is all happening over a

romantic comedy. One person asked me straight out they hadn't

heard the book then and listened to the series. They

didn't even barely know who I was, and they said, okay,

the new movie relationship Goals. What is the goal? And

I mean point blake period. She was like, what is

the goal? And the Holy Spirit it came out of

me and he said, I want you to share this

with everybody you come in contact with from now on.

Write this down. This is the key to every relationship

that you will ever have. The goal is healthy relationships.

The goal is not relationships. The goal is, say the

word with me, healthy relations How many healthy relationships do

you have? Somebody said one, No, I want you to.

I want you to really evaluate all your friends, all

your partners, all your romantic interests, all the girls you

dm in, all the gods you letting slide through all.

I want you to. I want you to evaluate how

many not relationships healthy relationships do you have? If you

can answer that question honestly, we may can move to

the second part of the revelation. The goal is what

healthy relationships? Now watch this. Healthy relationships come from healthy individuals. Now,

I'm gonna ask you a deeper question. Are you healthy?

I know it's always them? Yeah, I don't have healthy friends.

Would they say you're a healthy friend? Would your spouse

say that you're healthy? Would your would your kids? Yeah?

I've seen dad mad. What does dad do when he's mad?

Come to the mic and tell us all some of y'all.

Attack of y'all kid right there? You would straight foul like,

oh my god. Because the truth of the matter is

it's the people close to us closest to us to

actually know the status of our health. The goal is

what healthy relationships. I'm trying to help you. Will y'all

please and roll into this class and not drop the class,

because if y'all did all the information, let me be

your coach, Let me be your teacher. This is gonna

change your life. I wish I would have had it

ten years ago. The goal from my wife and me

is to have a healthy relationship. The goal for my

kids and me is to have a healthy relationship. The

goal for my parents and I is to have a

healthy relationship. Me and my four brothers, the goal is

to have individually healthy relationships with each one of them.

With me and Bishop, my pastor ma it is. It

is to have a healthy relationship with the man who

gave me this church. It is for me to have

a healthy relationship with Charles, and with Melissa, and with

Will and with every person that has been put into

my care. The goal is not just to be connected,

it's to be connected. Right. Have you ever had the

Jerry Riggs something together? You know what I'm saying. Have

you ever had a door that you had that wouldn't

fully close? Some of y'all and some of y'all know

what I'm talking about, and you had to tie it

around something. Have you ever had something that was holding

on the reason why you turn it in so many

knots is because you can't trust that the connection is stable.

And some of our relationship have not been stable because

they're not healthy, because that's not how it was intended.

Miles Munroe says, where there is no actual vision for

a thing, abnormal use or abuse is inevitable. And some

of you may, I dare say this with all humility

that some of us have been in wrong connections since

we've been born. So my question again is are you

a healthy individual? And if you can come to groups

with this some of y'all is gonna take you five

weeks to just answer these first four questions because this

is gonna actually be self reflective. Remember it's not for them,

it's for me. The goal is healthy relationships. Healthy relationships

relationships come from healthy individuals. Watch this, Oh, this is revelation.

Healthy individuals are built through self awareness and surrender. You

can only be healthy if you are self aware and

you're surrendered to the process to change. And some some

of you right now are disqualifying yourself from being healthy

because you're not aware that you're unhealthy. And anybody that

tries to tell you maybe you could do that a

different way, or are you sure that's how you want

to say that, or they're saying that's not nice to

say it like that, or hey, why do you keep

doing this? You cut them off? You done talking to him?

Cut off game strong, y'all know what I'm talking about.

It could be a boss, it could be a coworker,

be a family member. And the truth of the matter is,

God watch this will always put you around people to

expose what's not like him in you. I hate this job,

Go to the next one. There will be somebody there

like Travis that gets on your nerves that you're gonna

have to figure out how to talk to. Because the

issue is you have a disdain for all authority, but

you're unaware of it. So you think it's just standing

up for yourself, but you don't understand how it's tied

to the childhood when you were when you are violated

and you said, I'll never let anybody violate me again,

And so anytime anybody gives you anything other than what

you want, you turn into somebody you don't even recognize,

but nobody can even tell you. Everybody around you know

it except you. And now, because some of y'all are different,

y'all are professional acceptors. I know I have a problem.

I know I have a problem. No, no, no, I know

I know I have a problem. Okay, but what are

we gonna do with it? You're unwilling to change it?

So some people are too aware without any activity. We

know you're addicted to alcohol, and everybody knows you're addicted

to alcohol. We know you're addicted to praise. Oh, because

everybody's like alcohol is bad. Praise is bad too, because

it will feed your pride. And you're addicted to these

things that are ruining your relationships. Why because you're either

unaware or unwilling. Oh, y'all don't hear me, Pastor Mike.

Why is this important? Because the goal is healthy relationship,

y'all gotta help me. The goal is healthy relationships. Healthy

relationships come from healthy individuals. Healthy individuals are built through

self awareness and surrender. Pastor Mike, Why is this important?

Because self awareness and surrender are the substance of a

healthy soul. If you have self awareness and you have

surrender to God. You can actually have watch this a

healthy soul. Why this didn't make everybody jump and scream

is because you don't know how important your soul is.

Do you know what your soul even is? Because right now,

if I told you that these two things would have

help you have a happy sex life, everybody'd be like,

you know what? I really need to seek the word

about what he is selling the better God. If I

told you it'd make you a millionaire, you'd be like,

sign me up. But if I told you that the

goal of having healthy relationships all the way down is

to have a healthy soul, you didn't even think that

was good. It's because you don't understand the power of

the soul, and this is the breeding ground for every relationship.

This is what Jesus came to save. He didn't come

to save your body. He didn't come to save your reputation.

He sent his only son to save your Why after everything?

He didn't come to save our gifts. He didn't come

to save our talents. He came to save our and

some of us are unaware or unwilling to acknowledge the

fact that God wants your soul to be healthy. Can

I ask this question? Do you have a healthy soul?

Tis somebody? What is a soul? It is your mind,

your will, and your emotions. Let's break it down. Is

your mind healthy? What are the thoughts that come when

you ain't thinking about nothing? What are the thoughts you

come when you see somebody in a compromising position? What

are the thoughts you come when you see somebody you

don't like? Fail? It's gonna be quiet in here today?

Is your mind healthy? Ill? Healthy? You know you're not

supposed to because ain't nobody looking. God, I know you

told me to work here, but they don't pay enough,

so I'm gonna work here. God, I told you. I

know you told me not to date them, but look

look at what you made. Look how it said I'm

only human? Come on, it's your will. What's my birthday?

It's my birthday? God, I don't do this like I

used to. But you know the fact that people understand

what I'm saying and I'm not saying anything. Ah, Like,

what is going on? Is your real healthy? Can can

you say, like the scripture not my will? When's the

last time that was a true statement in your life?

I really want to do this. I have the ability

to do this. There is nothing stopping me from doing this,

and I'm not doing it because I know you don't

want me to. Is your real healthy mind healthy, real healthy?

Is your emotions healthy or do you manipulate with emotions?

Some of you, your tears are the lever to manipulate

people to do what they would not do without them.

Oh God, there are people that you well you know,

I hate to see you crying, girl, I hate to

see you crying. And now your husband has stopped saying

what he desires because you know that you can have

the trump card by just crying. Oh y'all, don't hear me.

And I'm not saying this for every situation, but my

thing is your kids are watching you use tears as

a manipulation tactic to get what you want because you're

unwilling to change your behavior in an area. Are your

emotions healthy? Because people are looking for relationship goals, but

they get to end up with you. You are the

other half of the relationship.

Would you date you with all you know about you?

Would you marry you? You brush your teeth four times

a week? You know that they don't.

Those are listening strips, But y'all teeth have hair on them.

Come on, would you marry? You gotta be fit, she

gotta go to the gyms. You carrying a baby? Brother,

you're pregnant. Wod shit. I know nobody talks to you

like this in church because we want to wash over

our deficiencies, saying words like destiny and purpose and all

of these things, and we don't deal with the issue

in real I'm gonna have to make this series twenty

weeks because this is gonna What I'm saying to you

is God thinks your soul is more important than anything.

You remember the scripture that says what does it profit

a man to gain the whole world but lose his name?

Lose his money? It says, what does it profit a

man to gain the whole world but lose his mind, will,

and emotions? He says, I want you to have the

goal of being healthy in relationships. Some of y'all don't

need a man because you would corrupt him. You are

so toxic trying to heal from what you had to endure.

It's not your fault, but it is now your responsibility.

And now you are trying to find this perfect man

with all of these things that's gonna deal with your crazy,

and you won't even deal with your crazy. You won't

go to therapy for yourself, and you want to add

somebody else's trauma, somebody else's drama, and somebody else. We're

gonna work it all together, figure it out. It's me

and you. Forelvabou and I came to tell everybody who

wants a relationship goal that the goal should be a

healthy soul. And this is what I need everybody to

hear me say. Write this down. The deficit in your

soul is showing. Whether you know it or not. Many

of us have a deficit in our soul. We have

something broken in our minds, willing emotions, and we think

that another person is going to solve what only God

can heal. God wants your soul to actually be healthy.

So this is where third John one two. Watch this, beloved.

I pray that you may somebody say prosper in all things.

That means God wants you to prosper in everything. He

wants you to prosper in your relationships. He wants you

to prosper in finances. He wants you to prosper in ideas.

He wants you to prosper in generosity. He wants you

to prosper in fun. He wants you to prosper in

all things. He wants you to prosper in sex. He

wants you to prosper. Y'all should have said, Amn, he

wants to He wants you. He said all things. He said,

I want you to prosper in all things and be

in is that word in the Bible that God wants

us to be in health? But look what he compares

it to. He says, prospering and in health, just as

your soul prospers. Hold on. So my soul prospering is

actually the metric that he's looking at to copy and

paste to everything else in my life. So the level

of health prosperity allows God to say, Okay, then I

don't copy that and paste to their finances. I'll copy

and paste that to their relationships. I'll copy and paste

that to their family. How much would be in the

account if it was only based on your soul health?

Your deficity is shown. Some of us are so bankrupt

in our mind, will and emotions. We're overdrawn, we're maxed out.

We have charged all that we can charge. And honestly,

many of this many of these things that happened before

we ever came into a romantic relationship. And this is

why I need everybody to understand. This verse highlights the

connection between spiritual, physical, and emotional well being, internal spiritual health.

Your soul should set the standard for overall life's success.

So when somebody be like, man, how's the business doing,

the real question is how's your soul? Because if my

soul is good, I can have a lot of money

or a little money, and I'm good. The reason why

people are so jacked up by what happens and what

happened is because they have a deficit in their soul.

So the reason why I jump from bad to bed

to bad to bed is because I'm trying to find

somebody to fulfill this deficit that I have on the

inside of me. And until watch this, some of y'all

is hard for you to think, but you are either

in denial, which is a river in Egypt, or you're unaware.

You're unaware or unwilling, And by the end of this series,

I don't want you to be either. I want you

to be aware of how God wants you to win

in relationships, and I want you to be willing to

do whatever God wants you to do to become the

version of yourself to live in health. Write this down,

soul health is more valuable than material wealth. Hear what

I just said. Forget the house, get the heart healing.

Some of y'all are spending so much on a mortgage,

and that money should be going towards your counseling. You

have more square footage to be sat in. I just

want you. You have more space to get away from

your partner. You have a pool to be and by

yourself with a family that won't want to be there.

I just want you to see how backwards we would

rather invest in something that looks good than something that

we can feel in real life. So let me just

give you a couple of scriptures because y'all gonna have

to go study the soul this week, because I'm not

even gonna get to half of my message today. But

Psalms chapter nineteen, verse seven, it says, the law of

the Lord is per This is the standard, this is

what we should be going by. This is what brings

life to our soul. It says the law of the Lord,

this word is perfect. Guess what it does. Its restores

why do you read your Bible so I can remember it?

More than that, this restores my soul. The reason I

don't miss a day of reading a Bible is because

my mind, willing, emotions are affected when I don't get

a hit of this. Y'all, don't hear me. Some of

y'all are addicted the other thing you hit and everything

else hit this. Okay, let me stop. I'm trying to

stay I'm trying to stay together. Psalms twenty five to twelve.

Who is the person that fears the Lord? Let me

tell you the person who honors and represents God. This person,

he will instruct him in the way he should choose.

His soul will dwell in prosperity. You want your soul

to dwell in prosperity, he said, follow this. I'll show

you how to do relationships. I'll show you how to

do business. I'll show you how to raise your kids.

I'll show you how to forgive. I'll show you how

to let go of the past. I'll show you how

to be everything that nobody was there to show you

how to be. Follow this, y'all favorite scripture to get

tattooed when you get in jail. Psalms twenty three. Here

we go. The Lord is my you know this one

I shall not. He lets me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside quiet waters. Why because he restores?

So why is God so obsessed with our soul? It's

because our mind will and our emotions drive everything in

our lives. Oh God, And this I wanted to title

this message how I found my soulmate. I know that's

cute because that's what people are really looking for. They're

looking for their soulmate. And the thing about it is,

it's crazy that I met Natalie at fifteen, but I

found my soulmate at twenty five. Because I'm gonna tell

you something, She's not my soulmate, she's my soul match.

The only one that can feel the holes that I

have in my soul is the one who created it.

And I found my soul mate, which is God, when

I stopped looking in other people. What only He could

give The reason why your relationships aren't working is because

you have a hole in your soul that you have

not acknowledged is keeping you from your best life. So

you go to them to look to fulfill what they

have no capacity to fill in your life, how I

found my soulmate. Everything else wasn't working. And today I

want to save you the trouble of messing up relationship

after relationship after relationship, trying to put an expectation on

them that they can never meet. Your wife can't fix

the fact that your mama didn't see you. And most

people have relational foundations that are faulty before you ever

met them, something was jacked up. Oh come on, before

you ever said dang she final, oh my god, I

can be with him, you already had broken this that

you were either unaware of or unwilling to admit, and

you come into the relationship trying to hide it from

them and let them only see a little bit, in

a little bit, in a little bit, in a little bit.

They know you crazy, They just don't know where it

came from. And then you start blaming them like it

was them. I only started acting like this when you

carry on my life, and then when you carry all

our life. I ain't never been like this before. That's

a lie. That's a lie. I know I didn't. I

didn't do all the time that wasn't on me. I

might have contributed, but write this down, it's hard to

build on what's broken. I'm just gonna do. I'm gonna

show you something that I'm gonna have to build next week.

But everybody has four foundational relational needs. Could y'all bring

it up for me? Just bring me my four? Every person,

I want you to write this down and then I'm

gona unpack it next week, because this is going to

help you be able to actually build healthy relationship. What's

the goal healthy relationship? Say it with me, what's the

goal healthy relationships? Everybody has four foundational needs to build

a healthy relationship. Write it down. Every person needs to

be first off seen. Then everybody needs to be soothed.

Everybody needs to be secured, and everybody needs to feel safe.

No relationship in your life will succeed without this being

the foundation. When me and Natalie were, I count unseling

with our white auntie named Juju, that's what I call her.

She has helped us through all kinds of stuff. Were

about to go see her again next week, and she said,

she said, Michael, there are things that are broken in

you that Natalie has nothing to do with, and there

are things broken in her that had nothing to do

with you. But y'all are fighting invisible enemies. Oh God,

your marriage is suffering because you're fighting an invisible enemy

that you won't acknowledge is even there. And we romanticize

the relationships that we wish we had, and there were

things that were in there that we just need to

be honest and be able to admit. Man, I only

got seen in my family when I did good It's

only when I was on the football field, or only

when I got good grades. Only if I was just

being I was not seen. The truth of the matter

is a baby should not have to perform to be seen.

Yet while many of us are out here performing in job,

climbing the corporate ladder, going from place to place, why

I have a hole in my soul. I've never been seen.

So the reason why I'm about to act up and

turn up and go all out and do this, and

you gonna hear me, and you gonna because all my

life I just wanted somebody to see me. I heard

somebody say they remember the time in their life where

they almost vanished in their family. Well, they're doing so much,

and we had a catastrophe and there was so much loss,

and life comes to be put us in positions, in

our family structures, in our job structures. They lost the job.

My daddy wasn't there, my mom had a hard season,

and somehow I didn't keep their attention. And so now

when this block is missing, now I'm gonna make every

person I come into relationship with see me. And if

you don't see me, I promise you you don't see me.

Come on. Some of the attitudes people come with, it's

because it's the watch their survival mechanism to be seen.

The reason why you're always the victim is because you

only got tended to when something was wrong. Oh God,

I can't even go into this, but I'm saying I

need you to evaluate where in your life did you

miss the foundation of all relationships being seen. It's so

beautiful because Jesus gives us a picture with his relationship

with God that y'all remember, before he ever did any miracles,

before he went into the wilderness, before anything, he got

baptized by his cousin John, And y'all remember after he

got baptized, what happened. The sky broke open, and God,

in front of everybody, said, there he is, that's my boy.

I see him, and I am well, please, he didn't

do anything to be affirmed. Some of you are raising

kids right now and you don't see them until they

mess up or do something exceptional. And what you're doing

is you're training them that this is how you get

what you need. You're a good boy. You're a good

boy because you listen. He's a good boy because he's yours.

He's a that's a good girl because she exists. Oh God,

I see we about to be in therapy for the

next I just want to say, if you have not

been seen, what you've probably been feeling is the opposite,

which is ignored at your job. You feel ignored around

your family. You feel ignored or maybe even worse. This

one is worse. It seemed better, but it's worse. Tolerated y'all, y'all,

he said, boy, that hurt right now. Have you ever

been in a relationship where you know they don't really

see you, but they tolerate you, like I don't really

want you here. It don't really matter if you come.

But since you here, if this is broken, you can't

build healthy relationships. The next one. Some of you have

never been soothed. Let me give you another word that

may may help you understand this. You've never been truly

cared for, especially fellas. Get up. You a man, You

the man at his household. Your daddy's gone. Come on, man,

I need your help. Hey, we ain't got time for

all them tears. We don't got Hey, suck it up.

And now he's thirty five and the woman he want

him to open up. But his whole life he's been

told to suck it up. Now you want him to

be vulnerable and open up, and he's traumatized because when

he was really hurt, he could never get cared for.

Oh God, the reason why your relationships aren't working is

because you did not get soothed. You might have had

a mom that was so tied up in just survival.

It's not always bad why it happened. It doesn't take

away the fact that it happened. Your mom, for some reason,

had nine kids be fruitful and multiplied, but none GI.

But I'm what I'm what I'm I'm trying to say,

just in sheer number of overpowered mouths, somebody got forgot.

And what happens is when you're not soothed by the

right place, you find a place to self soothe. Some

of those TV shows, some of those ideas, some of

those things that you were introduced to. They were legitimate

because you needed something, but they were illegitimate because of

where you got it from. So this is why watch

the man can be married to you and still cheat

on you, Oh God, because the truth of the matter

is you don't hear him no more. He can't come

to you and say, baby, I had a bad day.

Well I have had a bad six years and he

was like, I was just trying to And the reason

he starts growing affection for the woman at the job

or the woman at the gym is because she'll just,

oh my god, you had a bad day. I'm sort

can I give you a hug? And that hug starts

standing up straighter. Hey, girls, good to see you again,

because that's the only place he's getting. I'm just I

know this is heavy. I know this is heavy, but

I'm trying to help you. And if you're not seen

or soothed, there's no way you can be secure. This

talks about how you're attached and people's dependability. The reason

why some of y'all got so many backup plans is

nobody has ever been stable in your life. Your mom

wasn't stable, your dad wasn't stable, your coach wasn't stable,

your brothers and sisters wasn't stable. The cousin you love

the most, they molested you, and to this day, nobody

even knows. I can feel the pain. We can see

why you won't even let your children go nowhere. It's

because you're trying to protect them from something you've never

even told anybody. So you don't feel secure even with

the person who loves you the most. I love you,

but I don't trust that you're not gonna leave me.

So a lot of people who don't feel secure watch

what they do. They self sabotage. Oh God, I'm gonna

hurt you before you hurt me. I'm gonna leave you

before you leave me. I'm gonna keep myself And I

got that extra account that you don't know about, because

I gotta secure myself. Oh he said, you love me,

but I love me more and ain't nobody in my

whole life ever kept me secure. So I'm gonna protect myself.

And he's like, I want vulnerability, I want honesty. I

want to connect that one intimacy that cannot be built

if somebody doesn't feel secure. The reason why the relationships

aren't working is because people, when they are not seen, soothed, secure,

they don't feel safe. So you can keep going after

the batty, and you can keep going from bed to bed,

and you can keep saying you don't need God in

your relationship, but he's the only one that can see you,

care for you, secure you, and keep you safe no

matter what anybody else does. I'm saying to you, I

know it's a lot to process right now, and I

know your soul is probably going crazy. Hold on, it

ain't nobody talk to me like this in my mind

willing emotion, because your soul needs to be safe. Your

soul needs to be secure, your soul has to be

cared for, and your soul has to be seen. And

that's why next week I'm gonna give you a whole

bunch of scriptures and I'm gonna walk you through this

because I'm gonna teach you how to build your life,

build your relationships, build your family based on the principles

of all relationships. But this is what I need you

to know. God does all of this without you doing anything.

Oh God, Oh God, I wish I had time to

be able to take you through how God says you

need to be soothed. Come to me. It's like a

kid riding a bike and they fall down, and then

the mam and the dad runs to him and says, hey, hey,

come here, come here, come here, come here, come here,

come here. You're okay, You're okay, You're okay, You're okay.

No no, no, no, no, no no. I know it hurts,

but you're gonna be okay. Where is it? Kissing ain't

never physiologically taking away the pain, but it does do

something for your soul. Y'all got to hear what I'm saying.

It does do something when somebody's able to empathize and

get down with you and know what you've dealt with

and be able to sit there and touch it and

hold you and say it's gonna be okay. I know

you're hurting right now, but you gotta get back on

the bike. We gotta try again. Come on, let's do this.

I'll stand by the reason why something y'all can't step

out in faith is because when you tried before, there

was nobody there to soothe you. So you say, well,

I guess this is how you get hurt. I guess

trust in God is how you get hurt. And what

ends up happening is we try to build a life

on top of this and it never works. I got

nine more boxes back there that I can't bring out. No,

I can't bring them out today because you ain't handle

these you need, You need a week to digest. Because

some people only have one. How much can you build

off of that? I'll protect myself. I bet you you

won't get in. I bet you no man will hurt

me again. I bet I bet no one will ever

take advantage of me again. Where does that rage and

that anger come from. I gotta protect myself. They didn't

protect me. I'm gonna protect me and I'm gonna even

protect myself from the ones I love. This is no

way to build relationships in real life. So today, as

we end this first installment of course one, I just

came to ask you, where in your life do you

need God to heal to put the relation of building

blocks back together? In your life? You need God to

see you because before you were formed in your mother's womb,

he knew you. You need God to protect you. He said,

those who come to me, they find safety under the

shadow of my wings. You need God to secure your

He's the same today, yesterday, and forever. All I'm asking

you to do is rightly align your relationships. Watch this,

write this last point down because you're not just looking

for someone sexy. You're looking for a solution for your

soul condition. That's what relationship's about. Now that we look

good in pictures, I need somebody to help me heal

what I'm going through. Listen, because relationships are silently killed

by the unrealistic expectations of the soul. You are putting

your relationship health on somebody who has no ability to

heal you. So they will continue to fail. No matter

how good the sex is, they will continue to fail.

No matter how many partners you have, they will continue

to fail. And now people got this weird idea that

you need multiple wives and multiple husbands. Guess what they're

trying to do. They're trying to get somebody to feel

the hole in their soul. And now you're just confusing

it because it's not the way he asked for us

to do it. I'm going to take the silence as

a indication that it's sitting in your soul. Over the

next seven weeks, We're about to build relationships that are

healthy in real life. Standing all over this place, I'm

going to start here tomorrow. Next week. I said tomorrow,

you come back tomorrow. That's how bad I want to

get this to you, because I believe this can change everything.

But we're gonna start here. Everybody, listen. God is your

only soul mate. I know that's something cults ruling. It

could be semantics, but I'm trying to get you to

think deeper about it. The only person who can actually

meet the need of your soul is God. Once you

find him as your soul mate, you are now looking

for your soul match. Natalie is my soul match. She

makes me be better in areas I didn't want to

be better. Y'all got what I'm saying. She's not just

what I wanted, She's what I needed. But there's also

things that she will never be able to do if

I don't let God be my soul mate. Stop trying

to put your soul match where the soul mat goes?

Does everybody hear me? Lift your hands all over this building. Father,

in the name of Jesus, I thank you that your

word is sharper than any two edged sword. It even

separates the bone and the mirrow, penetrating to the soul.

So today, God, I'm asking you, would you do soul

work on us. Would you heal my soul, heal my mind,

heal my will, heal my emotions, and God build the

foundation that generations will be able to stand on because

I do the hard work here Today, I pray for

every marriage, every person waiting, every single person that's satisfied,

every person who has been father god, divorced or widowed

trying to figure out what their next season looks like. God,

I'm asking that you would settle our souls, restore our souls,

replenish our souls because you came to seek and to

save the souls that are lost. Today we take the

unrealistic expectation off of anybody that is not You, and

we put our hope, our faith, and our life in

you because You've given us everything we need to live

a life that is Godly and that pleases you. So

do the surgery on the inside. God. Today, If you're

under the sound of my voice and you've never met

your soulmate, today I want to introduce you to Jesus.

He's the only one that can fulfill and feel the

deficit that you feel. Alcohol won't do it. Guys won't

do it, drugs won't do it. Money won't do it.

We have too many examples of people who got all

of that and still felt empty. Today, I want to

meet you with the Bible calls the lover of your soul.

He's the one that will love your mind into healing

and health, love your will, and matter of fact, he

loved you. The Bible says, why you were yet sinners.

He gave up his most precious son to take your

place in my place, so that you could spend eternity

in relationship with him. The whole thing about God is

he wants to be your relationship goal. That's the whole thing.

Every sacrifice, every move defeating death, hell and the grave,

it was so that you and him could have relationship.

He knew that he was your only soul mate. So today,

if you need to be seen, safe, secure, soothed, come

to me, all who are weary and heavy burden, and

guess what He'll give you rest for your soul. He

took me from being a liar, a manipulator, addicted to pornography,

looking to images and people to feel up what only

he could, and when I invited him in, he changed

me from the inside album. I'm not a perfect man,

but I'm a progressing man. He can speak to me,

and I don't need anybody else to have relationship with

my soulmate. Today, I want to give you that opportunity

on account of three. If you're in this room or

you're watching online, you're watching on rebroadcast, you're watching from

a jail cell. Today, your soulmate wants to enter into

a relationship with you. His name is Jesus. One. You're

making the greatest decision of your life. Church. I need

you to pray because somebody's life is in the balance

right now. Two. Your name is going to be written

in the Lamb's Book of Life, and you'reity is about

to be transformed. If you want to accept Jesus. Three,

lift your hand up in this room or online. I

see hands going up everywhere. Transformation. Church. Can we thank God?

I see you, I see you, I see you, sister,

I see you, Brother. Glory to God, Glory God. And

if I don't see you, God sees you. And today

for the benefit I feel the presence of God Heaven

is throwing a party over one person that gives their

life to Christ. And today I want to I want

this church. Who is a family. Nobody prays alone. Would

you lift your hands and just say this prayer with me?

Say God, thank you for being my soulmate. Thank you

for sending Jesus just for me. Today I repent and

I turn to you. I believe you lived, you die,

and you rose again with all power so I could

be free. Here's my life. Change me, renew me, transform me.

I'm yours forever in Jesus' name. Transformation Church. Can we celebrate? Oh,

y'all come on? That should be the loudest roar of

the day, Holly LOUI, y'all, hey, listen. If you made

that decision for Jesus, I want you to text saved

to eight two eight two eight two, and our team

wants to send you some information and we want to

walk with you. Everybody, Please please, please please hear me.

The next seven weeks up to Easter is so important

for every relationship you will ever have. Share this with

your family. I'm gonna say stuff that you want to

say and you can't say, did you hear what I

just said? I'm gonna say the stuff that y'all need

to talk about, but it's hard to bring up. I'm

gonna talk about the things that literally are gonna revolutionize

the way you approach your wife, your husband, your kids, everything.

But you gotta check in when revelation and wisdom is

pouring out and your ears are close that you will

not be able to see the impact of what it

could be. So I'm asking every person lock in watch

this message again, because some of y'all were shocked after

the first point. I saw you stunned. The whole time

you were stuck. I need this to get in your

spirit and allow watch this, allow yourself to sit and say,

Holy Spirit, what are you trying to speak to me

through this message? Because I made points, but he was

making points too. There was things he wants to highlight

in your life today. Church. We're gonna move forward, somebody

say forward in every one of our relationships together, but

we're gonna win in relationship goals in real life