You, Sex, And God // Relationship Goals: In Real Life (Part 6) // Pastor Charles Metcalf

Welcome to Transformation Church Podcast, where we represent God to

the lost and found for transformation in Christ. We're so

glad you're here and wherever you're listening from, we believe

God will transform your life. Do today's message.

Today's gonna be great, y'all. Don't even know what I'm

talking about. Just to wait a second, keep that same

energy all right.

Today is gonna be great, and specifically because we are

talking about something that has impacted, will impact, and currently

is impacting everyone under the sound of my voice. And

we are in a series called relationship goals. In real life,

somebody say, in real life, there is nothing more than

the subject that I'm gonna talk about in just a

moment that has affected and impacted.

Our lives in a real way.

And I will wish I could say it differently, that

this was a topic that we talked a lot about

in church, But the honest truth is we don't, and

I think we have a responsibility to because it's impacting everybody.

And so today I need you to before I tell

you what the title is for table, we're talking about nearyboy,

take a deep breath in let it out. Today we

talking about sex. Oh yeah, come on single people, don't

be shouting too loud.

You're not supposed to be having it, come on.

But yeah, it's like, okay, you.

Need to not yet, not yet, not yet. No, I'm joking.

I'm joking.

We got to talk about it because statistics say by

the age of nineteen, eighty percent of people have been

watching porn for five years, have had four or more

sexual encounters and two or more sexual partners. Fifty marriage's

end because they're either unsatisfied or the other fifty percent

says that someone went outside of the marriage to do

the thing we're about to talk about. And sadly, the

church's traditional response is to either create distance or to

demonize or option three both at the same time. Even

the fact I didn't tell you the time tell them

my servant.

Today is you sex and God? You sex and God?

You sex and God.

It's so funny because people come to church and they're like, man,

I need help. I need to talk about relationships. I

need to talk about finances, I need to talk about

having faith. I need to talk about But for some reason,

even the fact that this word is up on the

screen in church, some of you are like, I don't

what is he about to Oh my gosh, I can't

what is he gonna say. I don't know if we

should be talking about this, which would be the exact

tactic of the most powerfully created thing for the devil

to make you avoid it and.

The church stay away from it. But I don't know

if you've noticed or not.

Culture doesn't care that church isn't talking about it, So

just because we ignore it does not deny the impact

of it on our lives. Everybody in here this is

this is gonna be a crazy statement, but for some reason,

the Church be forging. Everybody in here is a sexual

being with sexual desires, sexual needs, but the Church is

just like, well, this is weird, and I don't know

if my gosh, my eleven year old is in here.

Let me tell you something, Your eleven year old probably

know more than you think they know. If you ain't

gonna talk about it, let me tell you their phone

is talking about it, their friends are talking about it.

They already know already, I promise you.

So we're like, oh my gosh, the youth are in here.

I appreciate serving two weeks ago to the youth. They

already know what I'm about to say.

They ain't got it. They locked in with me. Just

cheer on the parts that are good, y'all.

Remember, or we have to talk about this because it's

affecting everybody.

We cannot ignore, Like, this is.

Not a thing you in this room.

You either want to have sex, you are having.

Sex, You were having sex, you feel bad now you're

not having sex.

But we can't not talk about this. We have to

because here's my first point.

We're gonna get right into it. I don't know if

you know this or not, but God made sex. God

made sex Genesis chapter number one. He says, you know

what I want you to do, Go be fruitful and multiplied.

He wasn't talking about arithmetic.

He's not like, go fruitful and do you know subtraction

and division, multiplication. It could be said the first commitment

ever given is go have sex. This is a scripture.

This is what it's say. Here's what I want you

to do. Be fruitful and multiply. Go do this thing

that I made you to do, that I created you

to do, that I gave to you as a gift

that allows the world to be populated, for my glory

to be expanded through creating more image bearers that now

reflect My goodness and grace, and it'll connect you in

a way that nothing else on this planet can go

do that. But for some reason, the church has relinquished

all rights to sex.

To R and B music and the world. We don't

do sex. It's weird, it's too much. We don't want

to be all up in people's business. We don't want

to be what God created this. And here's the problem.

For too long, the narrative has been I don't know

about you.

I grew up in church, and.

They're really what I said earlier, the distance of the demonis,

we're really the only two options you have. It was

either going to church and people act like it's not happening.

It's like, oh, yeah, no, we don't even talk about that.

What is that? Never heard of it?

Meanwhile, it's like, I think you've heard of it. We've

heard you've heard of it. You know, tell me all

you knew of the churches. It's like we all know,

y'all sleeping together, y'all in words, y'all Like, so there's distance,

or it's to demonize that your body is the devil.

You gotta kill your fleshes.

The devil is the devil.

In your bones.

You just you gotta stot it, don't do it, no, no,

But the Bible does not teach that. The Bible teaches

that your bottle body is the temple.

So which one is it? Is it the devil or

is it the temple? You gotta let me know because the.

Thing you are demonizing is actually the Bible teaches this

concept throughout scripture.

And I can't get into it. You're just gonna have

to wait.

We'll maybe release a Bible study later on this year

about it. But but there are three parts of you,

your spirit. You have a soul and a body, and

I'm not gonna teach the whole thing, but your spirit

has been justified.

This is some churchy words.

I can get down with these church you words, But

justified just means you is the part of you that

know God, the part of you that would say the

part of that's being to renew your soul is being sanctified.

That's the process of going from ratchet to righteous some

of y'all's you know, it's a fluctuating scale. Your body

is just the vehicle with which your soul acts out.

Your body is just made up of chemicals. And it

has different things. And what the scripture teaches us is

your body is a temple that God created, that he designed,

that he made that you do not have to demonize

the natural desires that God gave you. The problem is

your soul is out of control your mind, will and emotions.

So the problem is that your body is the devil

and it is terrible, and if you feel something, you

should just feel terrible. The problem is you can't control

your soul. You can't control your you can't control your will,

you can't control your emotions. So you see somebody and

you and your soul's like, I think we should have

sex with them, and your body's like I don't know, man,

I'm just chemicals over here.

Something's happening. I don't know what it is. And then

your spirit's like, hey, guys, don't think we should do that?

Not really a good idea and ruin his souls like yeah,

we'll get back to you later.

Let's do it, and your body's like all right, man,

I'm just doing whatever you say.

Man, I don't know. We have to talk about your

soul needs to be trained that, Hey, we don't we

don't do that. There are so many when I was

talking to you, I took some questions. And also this

past week posted on an Instagram a little question thing,

and there are questions that came in and people are like, well,

it's sex is so bad.

How come I really wanting to do it? Well, that's

a fair question. It's so bad.

How come God made me want to do it? He's like, well,

I don't know if God made you. Well, let's let's

let's talk about this. Is that the premise of your

question is if I feel like I really want to

do it, I should.

Be able to do it.

I don't know about you, but yesterday I was in

my front yard, my kids were playing. Somebody drove by

fast on my street and I felt like.

Chasing the car down and kicking out all four of

their windows.

Metcalfs sometimes can get into an area called rage, but

we're working on it.

What is my premise?

Just because you feel like doing it does not mean

it runs your life. You know who's like that dog's

that's why your dog humps everybody when they walk in,

because it can't control its urges.

It's an animals do that.

Your animal brain says, if I want to do it,

I should do it. Using that as an argument is

the dumbest thing in the world. There's a lot of

stuff you're gonna want to do that you shouldn't do.

I just Forgod, do you want me to do it?

Then?

Walle I feel this.

Way because you're dumb and your chemicals are off. And

that's such a bad argument. So we have to take

that and just sit it over here. There's stuff that

we gotta haven' understand. There's stuff I'm gon wnat do

that I shouldn't be doing. If you have I was

four years old, I'll never forget it.

We went to the Christian book store and.

Then walked in and this was back when Larry the

Cucumber was a big deal, and there.

Was a little Larry's cucumber, a little squish thing.

I stolen put it in my pocket. Ooh, what you

talking about to do here?

Broo?

I stole it.

I got in the car and my mama knew too.

We got to the door and we walked right.

Out the door and she said, does anybody have anything

in their pockets?

And what type of question is this? You've never asked

me this question before in my life.

And me literally my hand like this like hole hand

in my life. No, nothing in my pockets. So not

only stole, but I doubled down on the line. She's like, really,

nobody's got anything in their pocket. I'm like looking around

my little brother like a champ. You got anything in

your bout us?

We walked to the car.

I walk to the car, I sit down in my

I'm like trying to get in the car and sit down.

Nothing in mine, bous My mom cooked me that day.

Why because we all have human wiring that is not

for your flourishing. And I can preach a whole sermon

on this because God is the creator. He understands what

practices are going to create the most flourishing for you.

It's not that there's other stuff you couldn't be doing.

If I wanted to, I could use this glass as

a hammer. You don't believe me, Okay, is it?

But it's just not the best use of it. I'm

not saying that it couldn't work. I'm not saying that

it could.

You can fill this up with coins, you can do whatever.

You could eat cereal of this glass cup. You look weird,

but it's like, but there's a reason it was designed.

And guess what.

We can't leave it up to everybody's interpretation. Somebody has

to be able to determine what do we use this for. Well,

it's really up to you, man, you know, just whatever

you feel. If you feel like hitting people in the

head with it, if you want to use it as

a cell phone, you can. You know, it's really got

endless options. No, it doesn't.

It's just not true.

We can all like pretend like this and this is

I'm saying a lot without saying a lot. But there's

a lot of things in culture that we just left

up to like, yeah, just.

You whatever, how you want to do it. It's just

it's not how it works. So God made sex.

And here's the next point that's important for you to

understand because Church has confused this a little bit and

culture has even tried to manipulate this. God is not

anti sex, he's anti sin. God is not anti sex,

he is anti sin. Sin is when we miss the

mark of perfection. So sin is an archery term. It

means you're trying to hit the bullseye you miss. God

has a mark when we make mistakes. The Bible says

that sin gives birth to death. Now people feel like

Oh my gosh, Bible so intense and blah blah blah.

We all know this.

If you lie in relationships all the time, eventually that

relationship is gonna die.

Sin. It's not like this.

We don't need like a Bible to tell us this.

We all know we're broken.

Some things off. It's not supposed to be like this.

So God is not anti sex, he's anti sin. Why

because he knows this thing is way too powerful for

you to just be doing whatever. With another question I

got with, somebody was saying.

You know, pastor Charles, why is it? And this was

this is a great question. One of the students asked

this question.

They said, why is it that I can't have sex?

And now all of a sudden, I sign a piece

of paper we married. Now I can't have sex. Come on,

somebodyre like, dang, that's a good question.

I didn't even. It's because some of us have misinterpreted

the design and the most significant thing sex does. Sex

was created by God to bond people eternally.

When you have sex. For so the reason it was

made is to recreate.

It's but there is a bond that happens forever, forever,

forever ever, forever ever. Now this is important to understand

because if you don't understand this design, you will not

understand how to utilize this. Now, I want to pause

before we go any further in the message, because we're

about to start cooking or we're going to go I

first want to say, this is a This is like

one of the.

Most complicated, nuanced subjects in some ways.

And what I'm saying that is everybody in this room

and watching online have had different experiences, had different standards.

You may be navigating stuff right now.

The biggest thing I want to say to everyone is

there is no shame in dis sermon at all. If

you have ever been shamed into trying to get better,

that was a terrible thing. Shame is not a motivator

that God uses to make you better. I don't care

what pastors use it, what churches use it, what person

on social media use it. Shame is not what makes

us better. It is understanding. The Bible says it's His

kindness that leads us to repentance. So I want to

say this because I'm gonna speak very clear, because the

Bible is very clear. I'm gonna make some very definitive

statements because the Bible does. But this is not an

attack on anybody. And when you know better, you do better.

So some of y'all you're in here and you're life.

I did not know. That's what I thought. It was

just supposed to be for our I thought that's okay.

But we're gonna have a restart and from here you're

gonna hear this. This.

Here's the other thing. If you have not.

Submitted your life to Jesus as your lord, let me

explain this to you. There is savior, which is you

fell off the boat. You ain't got life. Wrafth Jesus

saved you. But we like to say he's Lord and savior.

So he saved you.

Lord means he's the boss. He decides, he knows best.

If you have not decided, he's our best. Do whatever

you want to go for it, go it.

I'm submitted. We've submitted.

Our church has submitted his word, his scripture. This is

what determines what we do. We don't get to just

decide and do whatever.

We want to do.

We have submitted our life to his word. So if

you don't follow Jesus right now, this would be a

great peer intwo of what it would be like to

follow him. I could get you scientific proof on the

state of our world that having sex with any and

everybody is ripping your soul out every time you do it.

But we don't have to go down that argument. It

is just science.

It's just how it works. It doesn't work when we

don't do it God's way. Okay, I want to talk

to you about.

The science of sex.

This is a backing scientifically for the claim that I

make of God's design of sex, which is an eternal bond.

When you have sex, there are two chemicals. One is

your thrill chemical dopamine. It's like, what this is amazing.

That's kind of how that chemical works in like a

summation without taking you into the science work.

That I did this past week. The other one is

a bonding hormone.

It's the same hormone that happens when a baby is

born that tells the baby, this is your mother, you

are safe here. Every time you have sex, these two

things happen. There is the thrill and there is the bond.

What happens if you have sex with multiple people is

your chemicals start to get confused because what it says

is is okay, I had sex with this person, the

dopamine went off. It was a thrill, and so I

go back to have sex with them again, and the

dopamine wasn't as much as it was last time, so

it wasn't as fun. It wasn't as exhilarating, and it

wasn't as much, and I thought it would be better.

SOO Brian tells you, hey, man, you gotta go find

somebody else.

So then you go to have sex with somebody else,

and the means like, we're back.

We are so back, but guess what your bonding hormone does.

Your bonding hormone is so disappointed.

It says, ooh, maybe we shouldn't be bonding and emotionally connecting.

So every time this happens, the dopa. What you are

doing is the neural pathways of your brain. How God

wired your brain is. You are telling your brain this

is only fun with someone new, and the more I

do it, I should connect less. So your bonding hormone

slowly gets to a point where it shuts off and

you are emotionally numb because it's so detrimented that you

were only supposed to do this with one person. So

the chemicals of your brain are saying, let's completely sever

all emotional feeling completely, because it's painful when we do

this and it rips us apart. So let's sever all

emotional feeling. And also, let's go find someone new, because

if they don't know you, it won't be that bad

when you have to sever the connection and you wire

your brain this way to where your brain thinks.

Okay, and have sex with this person.

But it's definitely gonna be way better when I go

find someone new and I'm not gonna have to emotionally connect.

Why is this important? And I'm gonna make a very

clear statement here.

When you see things in the world that are terribly evil,

it is because people's bonding compassionate emotional chemicals got fried

to such a point that they could not see a

human as a human. They saw them as an item

to be used for their own sake. And what I'm

trying to connect here is that is the most extreme

version of being.

Outside of God's plan.

It's having sex with of people and doing it with

all these crazy things that we see happening.

All of that, so we have to go back and.

Say, maybe the results and the studies and the data

of culture are trying to tell us God has a

way for this thing to work. He has a way

that doesn't kill us, a way that doesn't crush us.

I want to read to you the scripture that I read.

I only read the end of it, but I want

to read you Paul's writing in First Corinthians, chapter number six.

It says this, you say I'm allowed to do anything.

This is I mean church people have been in church

people for a long time. They're like, hey man, we

got grace, so we can do anything. And he says,

but not everything.

Is good for you.

And even though I'm allowed to do anything, I must

not become a slave to anything. I heard somebody say

you can drink as much as you want to until

you can't stop.

I can do whatever I want to. No, you can't

because you can't go to sleep without drinking alcohol.

So you are a slave to it. You're not doing

whatever you want to. You're doing what you've wired your

brain has to do.

I gotta have sexest whoever I want to.

No, you literally can't sleep without having sex or looking

at porn. You are a slave to.

That little phone. Get out of here. I can do

whatever I want to. You lying to yourself. Oh yeah, man,

it's the time I'm on. Y'all real quiet up here.

Okay, you say food was made for the stomach, and

stomach was made for the food, But you can't say

our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made

for the Lord.

Here's the key point.

The Lord cares about our bodies. The Lord cares about

your body. He cares about your body. He cares about

your body. The end of that scripture says, your body

is the temple.

He paid a high price for it.

And here's the problem with culture's view on sex and

how that is completely opposite of God's view on sex.

Culture's view on sex, the only way it explains it.

Is for you to devalue your body. It doesn't matter.

Sex is just a feeling. It's just about pleasure. It's

just have it. It's fine, no big deal.

And what it has to do is lower your standards

to that of an animal that is just moving off instincts.

I just gotta, you know, I gotta sow my wild oat.

So I gotta, you know, I gotta do my thing.

That is dumb.

That is, you are literally like the dog you have

in your house, which cannot control itself, so you just

go do whatever, and you're trying.

To use it as a sign of your symbol.

But the truth is, I know the chemicals in your

brain have cooked you so bad that you are extremely insecure,

and you're trying to cover it up by doing this

thing that you think is gonna fix it. But it's

a never ending hole that you keep on digging. It's

just it's just you can't argue the fact of it.

So he says, you can't say that just because you

can do anything, you can do.

So he's talking about your body has value and some

of us, my question would be, is the way we

treat our bodies do you know that it has value?

Because God's vision of sex and why he designed it

is that you're body is so important, it's so valuable,

it's so meaningful that you shouldn't just let anybody have

it or do whatever with it.

I'm gonna illustrate this way. My friend, my friend, he

showed me this a couple of weeks ago.

This is my friend's grandfather's pocket watch from World War Two.

Now I did not pay for this pocket watch. But

if you were, like you're jog let me let me

use that pocket watch. I would say, no, what do

you get out of here? No, don't ask me.

A question like that, why, Because the first understanding is

this ain't mine.

This is and it's too expensive.

I don't know you like that. You may not understand

how valuable this is. You just saw it and you think, oh,

I think I saw one of those on Amazon. That

might be like, no, no, no.

No, this ain't from Amazon.

This ain't this ain't cheap, this ain't. No no, no, no,

you don't. I'm not letting anybody do whatever with this

because the first thing is it's not mine, and I

understand its value. Even though I didn't have to pay

for it. I am very clear someone had to pay

for it. And my submission is God says, hey, the

scripture told us. Don't you realize your body is not

your own?

This ain't even yours. You just written that thing.

The Bible tells you don't get a new body, but

while you got this one, you better be taking care

of this thing. You better not be letting anybody do

whatever with it, because you matter.

You matter.

Here's where we're gonna get into the last big point

I have, and then we're gonna go into two three points.

The last thing is that you have to understand is

God is holy. Write this down. God is holy.

God is holy. What that means is God is set

a part. And the scripture says, I'm asking you to

be holy like I am holy, Be holy as I

am holy? What does it mean you be different? Like

I am different? And I think it's important we all

have to address. We all have a lot.

Of different views and understandings of sex.

What the goal of sex is? Who we learned it

from the truth is many of us. You did not

learn it when your parents think you learned it. I

don't know, but like I remember, I asked my MoMA, like,

did y'all have a talk with me?

Because I don't remember no talk. Y'all know the talk.

And my mom, of course, she was like, Charles, you

know we talked with you. Do not say that. I

don't really remember.

Mom.

She said, you remember that one time we was at the.

Football game and dad.

I remember y'all went to go be some popcorn and.

Dad took what was with When y'all was waiting on

the popcorn. I was like, Mom, I listen, I'm gonna

tell you. Even if that was the time. That's a

terrible time too, you know, son, speaking of popcorn, one

of the things is one day.

That's gonna yeahnamasad. But it's like.

You, we have to agree. Here's my premise. We have

to agree. God is holy, he has a different way.

And today I want to talk about three goals for

godly sex. Three goals and this is for everybody, if

you single, if you married, if you engaged, if you're divorced,

Three godly goals based off of scripture that we can

look at, that we can focus on, that we can

set as an objective in our life that can steer us,

that can make us live a pure sexual life. The

first one is three goals for godly sex. The first

one is purity.

Purity, Purity, purity, purity. Here's why this is important for church.

I grew up thinking the goal was virginity.

The church will teach you this, just be a virgin.

I'm not gonna lie to you, man, I'll never forget this.

I remember being in school and we talked about sex

that we already down the road. Come on, chill, if

you got questions to sex to a.

Two eight two A two No, I'm.

I don't know who's gonna respond, but see what happened,

breed well, personally answer all your questions. Text confused to

eight two eight two.

B.

I'll never forgetting Church. It was like, just just be

a virgin. You just gotta save your self from me.

Don't have sex. Be a virgin, save you self marriage,

and I'll never forget. There's this one girl in school

and she was walking. I'll never forget her. She was

like we were in like a small group or something,

and she was like, yeah, I'm a virgin, and.

I was like, I was looking around.

I was like, you might technically be a virgin, but

I think we all.

Know you be. I be knowing that you ain't really

come on, man, hey you.

Done because I kne because by some of my homies

I knew.

Here's what I'm saying.

The summation of that is, you can be a version

and nasty some of us.

That's what we hold on to when I'm a virgin.

Yeah, I mean technically yes, but you are nasty with

any and everybody. And here's one God's standard is higher

than just barely sliding by.

And this is the problem. We like to be.

Asking like how close this is the classic question. Any

sixteen year old will ask you how.

Far can I go and it not be bad? That

is not the right question. I get it.

I asked the same question. But you cannot live your

life thinking how close can I get to murder before?

It's technically like, you know, considered breaking the commandment? How

close to stealing.

Can I get before? It's like technically?

Is it?

Like?

First? Base? Second? Like? What is the The standard is

not just being a virgin, it's being And Jesus raises

this standard because he says, if you look at a

woman lustfully in your heart, you've already committed adultery. Purity

is about your heart, now your outside actions. And let

me say this very clearly. There are a lot of

us I'll talk to us men who are in marriages.

But your heart isn't pure because you follow a bunch

of people. You just go on your phone scrolling just

to see what will happen, and you know what's gonna

happen because you follow a bunch of ratchet workout people

who are not trying to work out, because why your

pants gotta be up your butt while you're trying to

work out.

They don't make no sense.

I'll see these, dude, demonic yoga pants is like it's

gotta stitch right up the butt crack just to help

with your glute workout. It's the devil who made those pants. Now,

I did get some for Abby, but we are in.

A covenant relationship. It's different.

She never warned them she won't wear them. Oh that's

the only joke I make, baby, That's the only joke

I'm made.

I'm saying this for real.

God's standard for whether you're single, dating, married is for

you to be pure, not just not be technically having.

Sex with people.

And I gotta say this because so many of us

are standards are so low. You you know what you're doing. Well,

I'm just gonna go see what they talk about, you know,

in between breaks, you not gonna see you know what

they're gonna be wearing.

Get out of here. That's so the quit lying, No man,

I got I just I just my friend, you know,

I gotta just be quiet. Purity. Purity.

Now here's the other thing too. This is not a

shaming thing. This is not like a I got a

growing up in church too, specifically which now I was

looking at statistics. It is almost even men and women

struggling with pornography, so this is not like an exclusively

men thing. When I was going up, was like yeah,

me and watch Born and girls love God. Like It's like, eh,

I know, we did the mutt sermon, but I've met

some girls who were mutts. Just to be clear, don't be,

don't be, don't be coming for me. We ain't got

a name for it. But and some of them watching

me pretright now, So calm down, listen.

I'm just saying, y'all out here, we see you. Okay.

Now, I can't even really okay, I'm not gonna say

nothing that just saying, okay, purity. What is your standard

for purity? How you whether you're dating, whether you're married.

This is something I would say specificly for dating people.

When me and Abby got married, a couple of weeks

before we got married, there was one night where we

sat down and we told each other everything we had

ever done with somebody else.

And it was for two reasons.

One it's because I didn't want to enter into marriage

with a bunch of ideas and pictures of other people

that I was storing.

And trying to hide.

And the second thing is is I is I don't

know whether that was God or what.

It's crazy that was. That was scary, low key.

I'm not even gonna lie, okay.

But the other reason is.

Is now growing up, being together for thirteen years, four kids.

Later, all these things.

What I'm realizing is there are a lot of times

I was moving through life and now, even specifically for

me having three daughters. It's like, if any boy tried

to treat my.

Daughter the way I was out here running around, I

would thank you.

But I'm saying this, this purity, purity, purity, What does

that look like. It looks like being honest, being honest,

being honest, being honest. It's not about okay, I just

I'm gonna try not to technically cross the line.

No, I want to be as further far away from

the line as I can. I want to live above approach.

I don't want to be seen in a compromising situation.

I want to live pure. Okay.

The second point go for godly sex is serving serving,

serving serving. It's interesting to me that everywhere in the

Bible God talks about serving, but in sex, we wouldn't

necessarily connect those two things together. And here's my premise,

why in the world would God create the whole Christian

life about serving someone else? But in sex is where

it becomes selfish.

This is about me. I gotta make sure this is

good for me. It's gonna be okay.

And I said, we gotta be honest about this, because

if your approach in sex this is about me, how

it feels for me, how I look all these different things,

you are not living a Christian life according to his

standard of serving someone.

The Bible tells.

Us in scripture that even a husband and wife, their

bodies don't belong to theirselves, It belongs to the other person.

I am supposed to approach.

This with a serving attitude.

What do you need? How do you feel? How can

I see you? What?

Where are you at?

And the truth is so many of us have.

Been formed by culture and our society and watching pornography

that we are selfish when we enter the bedroom selfish.

And we got to talk about this because the truth is,

and again I can only do this and you know, yes,

but I'm gonna talk to the man for a second.

The truth is a good amount of men grew up

watching pornography. You got married, and now you're trying to

do stuff you grew up watching and are you serving

your wife or are you serving yourself? I want my

girl to be looking. That's first of all, that's not real.

Those people's souls are empty. God can save the and

reach them. But that is not it's a movie that

they're making. It's not real life. And when you enter

into a sacred bedroom with someone who you're supposed to

be intimate with and you're in that.

Mode, it is not serving its selfish. Have you asked,

do you is this? Do you enjoy this?

Is this?

Okay? Are you comfortable with that? But we're so nervous,

We're so nervous to even talk about it. No, this

is great. Well you may be surprised.

According to statistics, you might be getting bamboozled there.

Brother, I don't want to I don't want to go

too far, but just double check. I'm just saying, man,

just that conversation. What is it?

Hey?

Is this is this comfortable for you? What?

Because Christians we've been using the marriage bed is undefined?

Oh yeah, it's like, first of all, you to be

old to be yelling at it like that.

I've only older people yell out that scription and it

makes me nervous. More power to you, but just yeah,

are are you serving the other person?

What would hey? Are you? Is this okay? Asking those questions?

Purity servant?

Last point, sacred, sacred, sacred, sacred, sacred, sacred. In the

Old Testament, the most sacred thing.

Something called the Arc of the Covenant. Arc of the

Covenant was, in short, this this box where inside.

Of it it was the Ten Commandments, mostes, staff are

a couple of things in there that were of high

value in the history of Israel. In this Arc of

the Covenant, it represented the presence of God. I mean,

this is the most powerful item throughout the entire New Testament.

The story really.

Centers around this Arc of the Covenant, children Israel having it,

some of it being stolen. There's a crazy story where

they're carrying the Ark of the Covenant and it was

actually only supposed to be carried by these guys who

is their job, but they were kind of lazy and

they put it on a wagon and they're like, come on, man,

let me just put it on this and it goes

to fall and there's a guy who's like, oh no,

I don't want it to fall. And God had told them, Hey,

I'm so holy, like, you can't touch this.

This is before grace. So it's like God's like, yo,

this the rule, don't touch it.

And the thing is he had given them instruction, not

even to put it in the wagon, So like g

his grace was like, y, you ain't supposed to be doing

this in the first place, but don't touch it. Whatever

you do, don't touch it. And the guy, even out of

a good heart, it goes to fall.

He goes to touch it.

Bam, he dies by when he touches it, because what

it represented was the purity of the holiness of God.

And the region is a point in the story where

they first create something called the Tabernacle, and it's pretty

much this big tint system and there's layers to it,

but in the deepest layer was this thing called the

Holy of Holies.

And the Holy of Holies was.

Special because the priests would only get to go back

there at a distinct time, a distinct number of times,

and there were all these rituals and things they had

to do, and washing their hands and sacrificing a bull

and enter into each stage, and the priest at the

time they would tie a rope around them and put

bells on them, and so if they walked into the

Holy of Holies and their heart wasn't pure, they would

stop hearing jingle bells and people would drag them out

because they were not in a right place with God.

This is why, specifically, even though we are not under

the law anymore, as a preacher, I still carry that

image with me, that the lineage of people who do

what I do. There's a reverence you must carry with

this thing because the law used to have you dropping

dad when you entered into the Holy of Holies, and

then the Holy of Holies.

It progresses from this tabernacle to the temple.

And God gives David this beautiful vision for a temple,

and it's immaculate. The problem was David's There was too

much blood on David's hands. David couldn't control himself. And

this is why, my little note, why we have to

talk about sex. Do you know so much of the

Bibles about sex? Like over forty characters of the Bible

their story arc involved sex.

David why he didn't get to build the temple.

Is because he was sleeping with Bathsheba had a baby

with her, killed her husband after.

Having sex with her.

So this is all throughout the Bible, but he gives

the plans to his son, and Solomon's temple is the

most immaculate thing you've ever seen in your life, covered

in pure gold.

And the Holy of Holies was the ark of the Covenant.

And the Bible tells us that there was a curtain

that would separate the Holy of Holies. And in a

couple of weeks we're about to celebrate Easter. What we're

celebrating is that the scripture says that from the top

to the bottom that the veil was torn. And essentially

this is the elimination of this place physically where God's

presence resides.

The Holy of Holies is.

Not a place you go to anymore because Paul says

it later in scripture that God does not live in

man made temples. But you know what and where He

does live is that there's a new temple. There's not

just a new temple, do you know, there's a new

Holy of Holies.

God.

The value of the temple when it was built, equivalent

would have been ten to twenty billion dollars to build

this temple. But God takes all that value, and the

scripture says, for we have this hidden treasure in earthen vessels.

Here's the dot I'm trying to connect.

Why sex is so sacred is because it's one of

the only few remaining temple activities.

If your soul is.

The holy of holies, not everybody can just come back

there and do whatever. There has to be a standard.

And might it be that the reason sex such high

impact because us as the temple of God. The Bible

says that He paid a high price for you. So

when you see this thing, it's not just about what's

happening in the physical, but there is a super natural

thing that is happening, a sacred act that bonds you

at the deepest level. And this is not pain or

shame or guilt. What I'm trying to say to you

is that God views you as so important as the

temple that he died for that he no longer wanted

there to be separation. So he died on a cross,

so the presence of God would not be in a

box that is carried around, but it would live in

your soul.

And now you.

Are the place that carries his presence, and when you

walk in somewhere, it's his grace.

And when you walk in, it's somewhere, it's his mercy.

So what I'm trying to say to you is is

you are so important, that you are so valuable that

how you relate to sex and how you understand it,

it matters.

It matters. It matters, It matters, It matters, It matters.

It's not something to be thrown around.

It's not a tool to make your spouse do something

you want to with. It's not a means to contry

troll somebody, to hold it over self, or to be like, well,

you ans sex to me, So I'm not gonna know.

No, it's more.

Sacred than that, it's more valuable than that. All I'm

saying is is if we could for a second realize

what the scripture says, that you were bought with a

high price.

Look what the Bible says. I'll close it, I'll just

read it again.

Don't you realize your bodies are actually parts of Christ?

So should a man take his body, which is part

of Christ and join it to a prostitute?

Never?

And don't you realize that if a man joins himself

to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her. For

the scripture says the two are united into one. But

the person who is joined to the Lord is one

with him in the spirit. So run from sexual sin.

No other sin so clearly affects the body as this

one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your

own body. Some of us is a quick though. As

we close, we're trying to fight stuff. You ain't got

no business fighting. The Bible does not tell you to

fight sexual sin.

I just gotta put my dukes up. I gotta be strong.

It never tells you to do that.

It says, brother, you need to get out of there. Run,

But I gotta be strong. No run, but I gotta

What do I do if I work with somebody or

run away?

What if but my promotion? I want to quit your job.

Oh it ain't that serious, Okay, Ask a bunch of

people who are alone at sixty five because they couldn't

control themselves.

If it's that serious, it's not that big of a deal.

Oh it's not that.

If you're struggling with pornography, get a flip phone.

How am I gonna How are you gonna what? Please?

How am I gonna email? You don't read your emails?

First of all, dummy. Second of about, get a computer.

Ask somebody. I'm saying, because people will live their whole

life with a grenade in their pocket hoping it doesn't

go off.

Why just gotta stay connected. No, no, you don't. You

actually don't.

Run get away. But I think we're gonna get married. Okay, awesome,

you might get married, but you're not right now. You're

not married right now. But I know it's my wife.

No, you don't. You don't know. You don't know what

tomorrow holds. You don't know. No, you don't. So make

a decision.

I'm gonna honor God because this is the last thing

I'll say. When you honor God, I promise you it's

better than you could imagine.

I promise you. I promise you. I promise you. I

promise you. You make a decision. You know what.

I Maybe God knows something I don't. Maybe this is

affecting me in ways that I haven't been honest about.

Maybe just doing whatever with whoever watching all this stuff

is doing something to mine.

So some of you, I feel it's so strong. The

reason you are so.

Cold in life is because this is draining your soul.

It's crushing you every time something happens. Some of you

in marriages. You need to be honest. You need to

have a conversation. You're all at.

Different points, You're gonna have different desires.

Different levels, all these different things.

But it's valuable.

Enough to have a conversation about. It matters enough, because.

If you don't have a conversation about I promise you

it's still affecting you. My request desire really today is

really for one last thing, which is this specific area

is such an area of shame. There's so much shame

that is associated with this of mistakes that you've made,

things that maybe happen to you that you didn't even

know what to do. And the truth is early on

your brain was rewired in a way that you can't

even explain. You feel like I'm doing this but I

don't even know, I don't even want to, and I

don't even it doesn't even feel like it doesn't matter,

or you've shut off this whole side of you. That's

a gift from God.

My prayer as we close our service today is I

just want to pray that there would be no more

shame in this area.

If you're struggling right now, you feel like, man, I

just feel like I can't get this under control. I

promise you there's a God who can help you, and

there are habits you can start that can be you

helping you. God will transform you in a moment, and

you still have to have good habits. So going out

on the weekend with your homie who knows all the girls,

that's not a good habit.

Because when you get married, guess what.

The chemicals of your brain aren't gonna be looking at

a marriage license. The chemicals of your brain are gonna go.

We need to go out because it's Saturday night, and

what we do on Saturday night. I'm gonna take a

moment as everybody to bow their head and close your eyes.

If you're in here under the sound of my voice

and there's been any shame, anything at all, I'm gonna

really ask everybody about your He had to close your

eyes just out of a moment of focus.

And some of you, maybe I even't have a sense.

Some of you you've never been honest about some things,

some things that have happened, things you've done, and really,

if you don't wanna carry that weight anymore, the scripture says,

in Jesus' kindness, he says, come to me.

All who are weary.

Truth is, many of us are weary because of our

relationship to this topic. And if you're weary today, the

invitation is easy.

You can lay it down. You can lay it down.

It's that easy. It seems too good to be true.

But that is the gospel that in one moment, moment

of grace and moment of kindness, you can lay down everything.

So with every head bout, every eye close.

If you're in this room and you say, you know

what I just I could use some prayer. I could

use some prayer about this area in this topic. Every

help bout in every eye close, i'm'a actually lift your

hands all over this room. Online in the chat, you

can just say I'm raising my hand. So proud of

everyone who took the brave step to do that. I

want to pray for you, Lord God. I thank you

for every hand that was raised, saying God, I want

to do it your way.

I want to honor you.

I want beauty, I want trust, I want purity, I

want a serving heart.

I want to acknowledge the sacredness of this God. With

your spirit, empower our spirit to be able to honor

you in this way. With our body head about every

eye close still, you can put your hands down.

If you're in this room and you've never accepted Jesus

as your Lord and savior, I said it at the beginning,

but we acknowledge him as Lord and savior. And the

savior part is really the greatest news of all time,

and that is, in some ways God saves us from.

The worst part of ourself. That there's this part of

us that is.

Searching, and we will do anything to fill that void.

And we try to do it through sex.

We try to do it through money, through achievement, through

trying to build a business to succeed, and all of

those things are legitimate desire, but we're trying to feel

them in the wrong way. And if you're in here

and you've never accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior,

what it is is saying I surrender.

I don't want to run my own life.

I don't want to govern my own life, but I.

Want to do it God's way, and I want him

to leave my life.

If you want to accept Jesus as your Lord and savior,

I'm gonna count three, and.

You're gonna raise your hand.

When you raise your hand, you're saying on the outside

what your heart is believing on the inside, and that

is I want to surrender everything to him. So I'm

gonna count to three, and if you want to accept,

Jesus want you to.

Boldly raise your hand. One. He loves you.

Two.

Today is the day of salvation. Do not wait another day.

Three, Right now, in this room and all of the world,

would you lift your hands. I see you over there,

so proud of you. I got you over here in

the back, all of you, I got you, gotta. I

see you, so proud of your family up here together.

I got you. I see you so proud of you.

Hey, listen out loud, together with every head, bow to

every I close which you pray with me? Everybody together

for the benefit of those who are coming to Jesus today.

Everybody say, Dear God, I admit I've made mistakes. I

pray you would save me, change me, make me new

in Jesus name.

I pray. Amen.

Hey, can we celebrate for people who just made that choice?

And listen, standing up all over this room. What we're

gonna do.

Our worship team's gonna sing, and if you feel led to,

you can stay. We're gonna have some of our team

come forward. And these team are part of our altar team.

And that's it. If you need prayer for anything at.

All, I would encourage you come receive prayer today. But

I believe this is gonna be the best week of

our life. And even as we get close to Easter,

make sure you invite somebody with you.

But Lord God, we thank you. I thank you that

this week, Lord God, that we would see you in

every part of our life. God, would you bless us

and keep us? Is our prayer. It's in Jesus name

we pray, and everybody said Amen.