Proverbs | Wise Up About Lust (July 30th, 2017) - Mike Armstrong

So if you would grab a copy of God's word and turn it to Proverbs chapter 5.

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

Okay, Proverbs chapter 5.

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

Now, as you're kind of getting situated over there and you're uh looking for it, uh I want to give you uh maybe or start off with a bit of a parental warning.

All right?

Uh maybe not the kind of classic way of starting off uh a message, but um today's message, today's passage uh is all about uh sexual purity, right?

It's about it's about lust and honoring the Lord in those things.

I just want to let you know if you've got some maybe older kids uh in the room, and I'm not sure if we do as I kind of scan and all that, but just to let you know, we have harvest kids kind of down the south hallway, down that way, up to grade five, and we've got that going uh every single week.

And so I'll kind of just leave that with you, parents, you know, how you want to kind of handle that if you want to, you know, make a quick exit here.

Um that's totally uh up to you.

But um in the same breath, I want you to also know um that I'm not gonna be explicit here today, all right?

I'm not gonna say anything that's hopefully awkward, right, or or in any way, I don't know, crass or anything like that.

I don't think that's helpful, I don't think that honors the Lord, I don't think you know all of that stuff.

So um just to give you a sense of uh of all of that.

Now, that being said, and if the Bible doesn't hold back, okay, when discussing this topic, should we?

No, no, of course we shouldn't.

We're not going to.

What the Bible addresses, uh, we need to have courage to uh address uh ourselves.

And the reality is we can't afford to skip over this stuff, can we?

We can't.

We just can't.

I mean, there's there's way too much at stake, uh, as we're gonna see here as we get kind of into this, right?

And there's not a person in this room who's not in some way affected by sexual sin.

Right?

That's just kind of the sad truth.

Right?

We're we're either dealing with our with our own battle in in these things, or we are, you know, we've been affected by the sin of somebody else uh in our lives, or perhaps kind of with the idea of discipleship in mind, you're you're trying to help other people and you're trying to disciple them in in their growth, and and how can they find victory over the issues of lust that that plague us today?

Or, okay, most commonly, all of the above.

Right?

We've got our own battles and we're affected by other people's sin and we're trying to help other people, right?

And so that's you know, probably all of us, if not most of us, kind of in this room.

And so so hear me on this.

Hear me on this.

I I do not think it's too much of a stretch to say that there's hardly a sin out there that's as crippling as lust.

Would you agree with that?

Lust is it's devastating.

It has, it has such such power over us, over our hearts, right, over our desires, over our actions, you know, over all of that type of thing, over our relationships, right?

Our relationships with people, you know, our our our our our marriages are affected by this.

Just the way that we kind of look and view and approach people is affected.

And of course, first and foremost, primarily our relationship with God is affected by this.

Hey, it's it's nothing short of a pandemic in our culture.

Right?

And I don't think I really need to go through all of the, you know, the sad stats, right?

And all of the, you know, depressing, you know, numbers in all of that.

It is it is wreaking havoc uh in our culture.

And it seems to be, I'm not sure if this is totally accurate, but it seems to be getting worse.

Right?

I would say this for sure.

It's certainly it's certainly easier to access a lot of that stuff, isn't it?

Right?

And so it's affected our culture, and you better believe it is seeped into the church.

Right?

And our and our churches are affected, and our our marriages are affected, and our young ones are affected, and so hey, no time like the present to wise up about lust.

Right?

No time like the present.

We can't afford to deal with this, you know, some other time or when we feel like it.

No, we gotta deal with this stuff, and we gotta deal with it now.

So listen, the encouragement to you all morning is gonna be listen, deal with this stuff.

Deal with this stuff.

I know that it's awkward, I know that it's weird, and I know that some people are gonna be feeling uncomfortable, or maybe even in a good way convicted over these things.

But listen, we have to, we just have to plow through it.

We have to face it head on.

We have to be willing to allow the Lord to do the work.

We have to understand that as messy and uncomfortable and as gritty as these, you know, this issue can be in our lives, the Lord desires to redeem.

The Lord desires to do an amazing work in your life, he desire desires to do amazing work in the life of your marriage.

He wants to do this in our church.

When he gets through this issue, he can accomplish so, so much.

And one of the things that we wrestle with is just kind of a lack of belief that God will do, does he even care?

Right?

And some of us have been struggling with these matters for years and years and years, and we've been so beat down by it, and the enemy has got his claws in us, and we've given in time and time again in all kinds of various different ways, and so we're we we've lost hope.

And hopefully this morning that hope returns.

You see the greatness of your God and the power that he has over us.

All right, so you there, you're in Proverbs chapter five, you ready for this?

All right, here we go, starting in verse one.

It says, My son, be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge.

For the lips of a forbidden woman drop drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil.

But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword, her feet go down to death, her steps follow the path to Sheol, she does not ponder the path of life, her ways wander, and she does not know it.

And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth.

Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others, and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go into the house of a foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan, and your flesh and your body are consumed, and you say, How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof.

I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors.

I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.

Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.

Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?

Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.

Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe, let her breasts fill you at all times with delight, be intoxicated always in her love.

Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman, and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his pasts.

The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in his cores of his sin.

He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly, he is led astray.

Alright.

You ready?

Okay, ready or not?

Here we go, right?

Here it is.

It's time to wise up about lust.

Sure, it seems fun at first, but consequences are coming.

Hey, consequences are coming.

All right, take a look at verse one here as we begin to kind of walk through these verses here.

Look at this.

It says, My son, okay, be attentive to my wisdom.

Incline or turn your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discrep uh discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge.

And so what is this?

Well, it starts off as uh as a cry from a father to his son, or actually multiple son.

It's like uh, you know, uh uh a family get together, a pow wow, as uh as a as a father, a dad, uh his name's Solomon, right?

He gathers his sons together and he encourages them to listen uh to his words.

Right, and we're gonna see that this son that he's talking to, it's actually a married son.

We'll see that a little bit later uh in the text.

Right, and he's calling him to wise up when it comes to matters of of sexual purity.

Now, on that note, okay, on that note, I implore you to have these kinds of conversations with your kids.

You you must do it.

Okay, gone are the days where we can afford to have this mentality that you know, if I, you know, if I don't, you know, say anything with my kids as they're growing up, you know, maybe they'll just kind of you know grow up and kind of you know put it all together, and maybe the you know the youth pastor will have a conversation with them at some point and they'll you know learn a few things at school through sex ed curriculum or something like that, and you know, maybe it'll just kind of all turn out and be all good.

Right?

News flash, that model never worked.

Right?

That's a bad plan.

And so what I would encourage you, have these discussions with your kids.

And you know what?

Unfortunately, these discussions, these conversations need to happen earlier and earlier, don't they?

Because again, like I said before, uh because of the access uh that kids have.

Right?

Kids in my you know, son's grade two class have their own phones, which kind of blows my mind, right?

And you know, I just uh you know, it was just a couple of months ago, my friend who has a uh has a son uh who's Wyatt's age, great uh eight years old, you know, was over at a friend's house from school, and the friend, you know, brought his iPad out and said, Hey, do you want to look at some pictures of some ladies with me?

Right?

This is happening at a at a very early age.

And just to give you some reference and just kind of help you understand how how Angie and I have sort of addressed this and approached this, is I've actually already had the talk with my son.

Right?

It was it was it was sometime earlier this year, and we were kind of responding out of you know some some discussion and some conversation that was uh beyond inappropriate, uh kind of in the schoolyard and all of that, and raised some questions.

And so, you know, Wyatt and I, we sat down and we had the talk.

Now you have to understand we had an age-appropriate talk.

I'm not giving him all the all the details of all of that.

A lot of it, I said, listen, I'm gonna explain more of this as as you get older, but here are the basics, here's what you kind of need to understand.

Listen, that's hard as a parent, isn't it?

When you kind of sense that that innocence lost, right, in your in your small child, and you know, every mom in the room doesn't even want to, you know, you want to plug your ears, you know?

You don't even want to think about that.

You know, that my children could could get to that place.

But listen, you have to wake up and face it.

Because if you're not the one that helps them in this, someone else is gonna help them, and guess what direction they're gonna go in?

The wrong one.

And so this is a massively huge, important part uh part and and an aspect of your children's discipleship.

How they think about sex, how they think about the opposite sex, how they view dating and all of those things, you have to have those conversations.

And listen, if your kids are older and they're already into you know junior high and senior high, and but maybe they're still at home and all of that, and you're thinking, oh man, like, you know, how do I kind of unwind all of that?

I haven't had these conversations yet.

Listen, what I would say is just pray a lot.

Okay, pray a lot for your kids, but also just make yourself available to them.

Yeah, but that's gonna be awkward.

So what?

Right?

Be awkward for the sake of your kids.

Right?

Be willing to talk to them, just say, hey, ask them how is how's their thought life?

Where are they at when it turns of uh in terms of purity?

When it comes to how they approach dating, challenge them from a biblical perspective on all of these things.

Right?

We have to have these conversations.

We see Solomon having it with his sons.

And so we need to do this too.

And so if you've got you're still trying to figure this out, just have talk to people, talk to parents that you trust.

Bring it up in your small group, ask.

How do we how do we do this?

Pray a lot too, and ask for the Lord to lead.

He will give you mercy on these things.

All right, so what does what does Solomon say?

Alright, here it is, verse 3.

Well, he warns them, right?

He says, For the lips of a woman or of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil.

But okay, so he says, Yeah, the the temptation is pretty slick.

It's shiny and nice, and it looks like it's gonna be great, and it's look, it looks like it's gonna be, you know, nothing but fun and all of that.

But guess what?

The consequences are are coming, here they come, right?

And then this is what he says.

But but in the end, okay, but in the end, she's as bitter as wormwood.

Okay, now you might think, well, what's wormwood all about?

Well, wormwood uh was really, it was an oil from this plant that they used to use, and it was it was of course very bitter, obviously, it's describing it as bitter, but they actually uh used to use it uh to kill intestinal worms, right, in their stomach.

And so you can just imagine like the kind of the awful experience that that would be.

Think like cod liver oil times a lot more than that, right?

Like like uh apple cider cider vinegar, right?

Way worse.

It's like bitter, awful, just terrible.

And he says that's what, in the end, that's where this experience uh is leading you.

It's as bitter as wormwind.

Keep going.

It says as sharp as a two-edged sword.

Right?

Would you ever let like a kid play with a play with a sharp knife or a sword or anything like that?

No, of course not.

Why?

Because it does a lot of damage, right?

A double-edged sword can can wreak havoc.

It says this, that her feet, this is kind of describing lust, right?

Her feet go down to death.

Her steps follow the path to Sheol.

That word meaning grave again, and death.

She does not ponder the path to life, she's not thinking about that.

Her ways wander, she doesn't even know it.

Right, verse 7.

And now, O sons, because you see the plurality there, he's talking to you know a number of his sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth.

Keep your way far from her.

He's like, get out of there.

Do not go near the door of her house.

Steer clear of lust.

Don't try and play with it, don't try and manage it, it's not the way it works.

He says, Lest your, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take the fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner.

Right?

And so what you see or the picture being painted is this wasting of one's prime.

And this is exactly what lust does.

You see, your your best years, the strength of your youth, uh it shrivels up, it it dries up, it's it's consumed.

You know, your best years, which can be given to the service and to the glory of God, are squandered because of this sin.

Right?

And that's what happens, and some of us know all too well about that.

Right?

And you're looking back at all of it, and there's, well, just look at it, look what it says.

It says, and at the end of your life, you, what's the word?

You groan.

You you groan when when your flesh and your body are consumed, and you say how I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof or the rebuke there.

I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or inclined my ear to their understanding.

And so, what do you sense there?

You sense that this person gets to the end of their life after giving in to the sin of lust and sexual immorality in all kinds of different ways.

There's the these pangs of regret.

There's this there's this shame about all of it.

There's this there's this genuine heartache and a sorrow that's there.

There's this you know, this self-loathing loathing of hate, kind of hating yourself, and and all they feel is this grief.

And it's really this idea that you reap what you sow.

Right?

And we don't often we don't often see the fruit, the bad fruit that comes out of it right away.

It happens over time.

And then he says, you're just gonna finish up that section, he says, I'm at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.

And so what you see, or sometimes what even happens, is it kind of all goes public, doesn't it?

And you know, you've heard stories and you've you know seen examples, and you know it was a secret sin for people for for so long, and then it all comes out, and what comes out with that, right, the the disgrace, right, the public shame that happens, and it's it's so hard for the person, it's so hard for the people around them, and when it happens to you know, pastors and staff as a church, it just does so much damage in the church.

Right?

It's it's all bad.

Now, before you're you know attempted to think, like, or are tempted to think that, you know, well, wait on a second, wait a second here.

It's it's it's talking about, you know, it's talking about adultery here.

Right?

Solomon's uh encouraging his married son to not go have an affair.

And maybe you're tempted to think, well, I'm not, I'm not there, I'm I'm miles from that place, and so you know, this stuff doesn't really uh apply to me.

Oh yes, it does.

Right?

It does.

It applies to every single one of us here because just remember Christ's words, right?

Matthew chapter 5, verse 28.

Matthew 5:28

You remember what he had to say about adultery?

He said this, but I say to you that everyone, okay, who looks at a woman, right, who looks at a woman with lustful intent, has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

And so what Jesus is doing here, as was his custom, is he's he's raising the bar for us here.

He's showing us what God's standard is.

His standard is what?

Perfection.

Right?

His standard is perfection.

And just looking at, you know, somebody and and wishing to be with her in a you know in a sexual manner or in a way like that, or just you know, checking him or her out in a in a way that is uh dishonorable, that's that's the same guilt-wise as committing adultery.

Right?

That's something that we've all done.

And so with that understanding, Solomon's saying to his son, he's like, yeah, it might seem like fun, and you know, it sounds like you know, her her her lips drip honey, right?

Her lips drip honey, you know, her seductive speech, it's it's smoother than oil, right?

It's gonna draw you in and it's manipulating your mind, and and you know what it's like.

Even though you've maybe gone down that road before and you hate it, in the moment, as the flesh is kind of taking over and you're quenching the spirit, you're like, I don't care about you know all of the potential consequences that come.

I don't care.

All I want to do is have some fun.

And it's this selfish thing.

And he's like, be careful of all of this.

The fun doesn't last, right?

It just never does.

And again, many of us here know exactly what this is all about.

We know what it's talking about.

You know, maybe you've given in to lust in you know some way, shape, or or or form.

And at first it was this exciting thing, right?

And it and it drew you in, and it was and it was pleasurable, and maybe it started when you were you know very, very young.

Maybe it started a little bit later, and and you know, you've heard you know people talk about the consequences of it, but because you didn't experience it right off the top, you're like, what's the big deal?

And and it didn't seem like anybody's you know getting hurt here, and and you know, your curiosity was piqued and all of that, but but now where are you at?

Right now you're left with the with the heaviness, right?

That the the heaviness of your of your experience, and and and you know it's that it's that that guilt and it's the the sh kind of the shame of what you've done, and maybe you haven't talked about it with anybody before, and it's kind of this lump that you carry along with you, and you're trying to kind of push it down and hope that if I just try harder, if I just work harder, if I just come to church more and do a bunch of acts, maybe it'll kind of just you know take care of its you know itself.

But no, you've got damage that's that's happened here, and there's you know, there's emotional and and and relational pain that's been inflicted here, and again, all of it seemed like like nothing but fun at first.

And listen, it was fun at first.

Can we just be honest about that?

I think sometimes we maybe do a disservice to people when you know uh you you you maybe grow up and maybe it's with your kids, like don't you know stay away from that.

It's bad, it's bad, it's bad, it's bad, which is true.

Okay, but it's not it's also not the the whole picture, is it?

It's also quite fun, right, in the moment, for sure.

And there's there's an enjoyment out of it.

That's why any of us do any sins, right?

Because it's enjoyable and we like it.

And so we need to kind of have that understanding that, yeah, it is enjoyable, but the results are are devastating.

Okay, the carnage caused by lust always outweighs the pleasure gained, right?

Sooner or later, that's just what happens.

So listen, if you're in a place right now where you know you're you're engaging in lust uh, you know, on some level, and it's it's kind of going unchecked, right?

And and and you're in a place where that's you know it's kind of starting to get out of control a little bit, and you may or may not even be aware of all of that, but maybe for you it's you know it's pornography.

Right?

And that's a that's an obvious one.

And pornography is just so destructive, right?

It it's so destructive.

And it was just like a couple of months ago that you know that uh you know it was a former you know Playboy model that came out, you know, and and wrote an article uh with a priest talking about the dangers of pornography and urging people stay away from this.

This it is so destructive, it is ruining marriages, it actually rewi physically rewires your brain and and makes you see life and things so differently.

It deadens your desire for the Lord, it does, it has so many, you know, destructive habits.

You know, so maybe pornography is your thing.

Or maybe, you know, pornography is not your thing.

Right?

Maybe that was, you know, maybe it's not something you've ever kind of really struggled with majorly, or maybe it was, you know, back in the day, but but but the Lord has been gracious to you and you have grown through all of that, and and and you're not you know really tempted to go in that direction for you, but but maybe, maybe there's something else in your life that's kind of sort of functioning like pornography in your life.

Right?

But because it's not actually fully naked people, you kind of think it's you know not so big a deal.

And so maybe it's like you know, cruising Facebook, right?

And you're like, you know, checking out the pictures that are there.

Maybe it's you know an Instagram addiction.

Maybe it's some, you know, some kind of social media social media.

It's just a wandering eye.

You know, you're driving around and you're you know, you're doing the checkouts of all the all the people jogging.

Right?

Uh maybe the reason you like to go to the mall is because some of the stores there.

Right?

And so for you, yeah, it's not pornography technically, but for you it functions as that.

It's a way that you gain some excitement and and find some pleasure.

Okay, maybe for you it's you know, you it's just a general flirtiness.

And maybe you're you're married here and and you found that you've you know you find yourself really comfortable kind of you know being a little bit flirty with you know the person at work, or or maybe it's a person at church.

Let's not pretend that that doesn't happen.

Right?

And and I'm just I feel so comfortable with that person, and you know, or maybe you're you're single, but you find it really easy to be flirty with with those who are not single.

Okay?

And so that's for you, how you're kind of getting us uh astray when it comes to lust and and purity.

Maybe it's what you've heard people call an emotional adulterer, uh adulterous affair.

Right?

And so it's nothing has gotten to the point of physical or sexual in brackets yet, right?

But for you, I'm I'm just I've got such a connection with that person, right?

And that person is not my spouse, and I find myself texting them all all the time, and you know, I'll I'll drive in a car with them to you know to work, and we'll have, you know, we'll spend time on our lunch hours, and you know, I love serving in that ministry because I'm with that person who I just, again, I have this connection with, right?

And there's that emotional affair, all of that that needs to be with your spouse alone.

Right?

And that's where you're going sideways.

But maybe for you, you're single and you're you know, you're sexually active with your boyfriend or with your girlfriend, and maybe you think it's not that big of a deal, and you've kind of justified it in your own mind, and you know, this isn't this isn't a problem.

Uh yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is.

And and maybe you've hidden it and you've even kind of you know how to play the game, and maybe you straight up lie about it.

No, we're good, we're good, we're good.

No, you're not.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe for you it's some kind of you know homosexual sin.

Maybe it's even you know gotten to the point where it's you know progressed so far down the line that it's gotten to the place of actual sexual abuse.

Right?

And and you see how there are just so many ways that our that our hearts can you know go off and wander down the ro down the road towards lust in some kind of way.

Right?

And we need to understand this.

Right?

You're you know, and maybe for you right now, you're in that fun phase and you're not seeing the big deal with all of this, and and and you need to understand here, and you need to trust God's word when it says to you that the fun will end.

The fun will end.

Okay, sin always, always over promises and underdelivers.

Right?

This is what you need.

This will satisfy you.

This is gonna be great.

Right?

And in the end, what is it?

It's empty.

Right?

It's shallow, it's an empty pit.

So listen, the call is to wise up.

Right?

Wise up.

Reject the illusion that you can control this problem that's festering in your heart.

Reject the illusion that you know I can I can stop whenever I want.

You know, reject the illusion that you don't need people to help you in this.

Yes, you do.

This is why God gave you the church, this is why God gave you people.

You cannot do it on your own.

Right?

You start thinking that way, you start talking that way.

What are you speaking like?

A true addict.

Right?

A true addict.

And believe me, trust me, this can become an addiction.

It's not fun anymore, and you're paying a heavy price, right?

The party's over.

We need to understand that to choose to sin is to choose to suffer.

Right?

And that day will be coming.

Consequences are coming, right?

That's a that's a heavy thing, and it's not fun to talk about by by any stretch, right?

But it's necessary and it's crucial because that's what God's word uh leads us in.

Alright, let's get on to the second thing here.

This is a little more fun.

Check it out.

It's time to wise up about lust.

Aim that passion in your spouse's direction.

Right?

Oh, yeah.

Now we're talking, right?

Verse 15, take a look.

Okay, take a look.

He says this drink water from your own cistern, living water from your own well.

Okay, so what's he saying here?

He's saying, he's saying, enjoy your own wife.

Right?

Enjoy your own wife.

Stop drinking water from another man's cistern.

That's kind of the picture here.

And then he says this.

So your should your springs be scattered abroad?

Streams of water in the streets?

And the idea here, and it can be maybe lost a little bit in the English kind of translation, but the idea here is just picture your spouse, you know, committing adultery on you.

Right?

How sick and how heartbroken uh you would feel if that was happening, you know, towards you.

Okay, keep going.

He says this let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.

Right?

I'm just there we go.

We got a couple of laughs.

I was waiting for it, right?

I'm just kind of watching for husbands who are, you know, you know, for the first time ever, they're like, hon, can I borrow your pen?

I need to like underline something here.

Right?

Never been so excited, men, to apply God's word, right?

Right, in your marriages.

Listen, to that point, here, that's a little aside here.

Let me just encourage you in this.

It's good to laugh in church.

Okay, it is it is good to laugh.

And I really want to encourage you as by as just a way of kind of culture building here in our church to kind of loosen up a little bit.

Because one of the things that I've noticed a bit about us is that we you kind of give off the vibe.

I don't know if you actually are, but you kind of give off the vibe where you're sitting there like this through the entire service.

Right?

And now I've kind of got this huge complex that I'm not funny, right?

Because sometimes.

And if I'm not, someone just come and tell me, right?

Someone needs to do, like, be kind enough to me.

But honestly, it is good to laugh.

I want our church to be a church where you can listen, just be yourself, just relax, right?

Have fun with it.

When things like, you know, the you know, the the technology and all of that just falls apart.

Who cares?

We don't need to be awkward, just talk amongst yourselves until all of that happens.

If if a pastor, you know, says a joke, we can we can laugh.

We can have fun.

Listen, I know many of you, most of you in this room, and we spend most of the time laughing and joking and being sarcastic and all of that stuff.

And one of the things that I've kind of seen is that that kind of goes out the window once the service starts.

Right?

Why?

Why?

Let's be comfortable, right?

Let's let's laugh.

And it was just a cut, you know, a couple of weeks ago where somebody actually like said something and kind of responded to something that I said, and I was like, thank you, that's amazing.

That's awesome.

And so, again, just again, culture building.

This is the kind of church that we want to be here.

We don't want to be, you know, so you know, rigid that we can't do that.

Laughter is not the only thing or the main thing, but it's an important thing.

And so let's laugh when we can.

And hopefully we can laugh about our marriages sometimes and poke fun at ourselves.

And I love to be very self-deprecating, and hopefully you do too.

And when I'm saying these kinds of things, I'm not ripping on you or anything like that.

I love you as your pastor, and we just need to laugh, right?

Am I dragging this on further than it needs to go?

Yeah, you think so?

You're gonna laugh then?

All right, now it's on you, right?

Thank you.

That's great.

All right, let's keep going here.

But you get the picture there, right?

Enjoy you some wife, right?

That's what this is saying.

Right?

Be intoxicated always in her love.

That's an interesting word.

We think of that as drunkenness, and it's like, yeah, like being you love her so much, you're just like led away.

And you've seen the cartoons before of, you know, cartoons just like floating as they're following the waft of the girl that she likes.

Like that's how we should be, you know, with our with our spouses.

That's uh that's a really good thing.

He says, Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

This is a this is a direct call, permission by God, encouragement from your maker to have a great sex life.

Right?

That's what this is all about.

Right?

To enjoy marriage and all the perks that come with that.

No amends, no nothing, eh?

All right, we'll get there.

We'll get there.

Because listen, here's the thing.

Have some fun with this, right?

Here's the thing.

I think as Christians, I think as the as the church sometimes, you know, we are again a bit, a bit, we don't have the right understanding of all this.

And I think sometimes we have we kind of approach it, maybe not explicitly, but kind of indirectly.

We approach it as though we have to, as good Christians, we have to shut off all sexual desire.

Right?

All of it is evil, all of it is all of it is wrong, all of it is is ungodly, and and you you you shouldn't have any of that.

Right?

That's that's wrong.

Right?

If we have that at all, it it shows that we we don't understand that that sex within the you know biblical confines of of marriage is it's God's idea.

Right?

He's the one who created us, and it is supposed to be amazing, right?

Supposed to be great.

Alright, so aim that passion in your spouse's direction.

Alright, you ready for this?

We've got a list here.

Now I know what you're thinking, you're like, this is gonna get PG, P, whatever it is, R rated in a hurry.

It's not.

This is all G-rated.

But eight ways to ignite the passion in your marriage.

Okay, these are just eight things.

We can come up with a list of a thousand, and I encourage you to just kind of add uh to these.

And this has been good.

Ange and I have been able to kind of talk through some of these as well, and we've got some work to do, and so don't think that you know we've got all of this figured out and we are always clicking on all of this.

That's not the case.

Uh, this has been good and convicting for me as well.

But here's the first one, all right?

First one, figure out your love languages and love according to them.

Have you ever heard of love languages before?

Right?

These are the ways that you um are wired to both give love and also receive love.

Okay, so there are there are a bunch of them here.

I'll give you a couple.

So one's for one, for example, is words of encouragement.

Right?

Some of you just like crave words of encouragement.

You need to know that your wife or that your husband respects you, that they care for you, that they're cheering you on in your walk.

Maybe for you it's it's acts of service.

And I just I just love it when my husband goes and builds a deck, right?

Or or or takes out the garbage or does something as simple as like you know, bathing the kids at night and and just gives me a bit of a rest, right?

Acts of service is is massive for you.

Maybe for you it is it's gifts, right?

And I when someone gives you a gift, it just shows you, wow, they were thinking about me, and this just means so much to me, and you have a house full of gifts, you can't get rid of any of them because that is your that is your love language.

Okay, you are again, these are just a handful of what uh of them, and so maybe you've heard of these before, but you need to figure out what yours is, and you need to figure out what your spouse's is, and then you need to love according to them, because what do we do?

We tend to love the way that we want to be loved.

And so oftentimes what happens, and honestly, this alone is worth the price of admission here this morning.

Because what often happens in marriages is they start to go sideways in the passion department, intimacy, communication, all of it starts to fail and become non-existent, not because uh husbands and wives are failing to love each other, they're just failing to love each other in a way that actually connects.

Right?

And so, for example, if Angie's love language is words of encouragement, right, but I'm coming at her with gifts all the time and bringing, you know, flowers and you know, buying her whatever she wants, what do I think?

Right?

I think I'm nailing it.

Right?

I'm loving my wife so well, but what's happening, what ends up happening?

That's not the way she receives love.

She's like gift, great, who cares?

Right?

Is she just longing for me to say something kind to encourage her?

And so you see where that disconnect happens, right?

And so have a conversation with your husband or your wife and figure out how to line those things up.

Now it may be very much outside of your comfort zone to love according to the way that they receive love, but that's just a perfect opportunity for you to humble yourself and to lean into the Lord's strength.

Right?

And that's you'll I mean, again, you see that start to take shape, your marriage is gonna be spicy.

All right?

That's the first one.

I'm trying to get you going, right?

I'm just trying.

All right, second one here.

Ramp up communication.

Okay, ramp up communication.

This is maybe an obvious one, but you need to you need to talk.

Right?

How's your day?

Good, right?

That's probably not enough.

Right?

You need to actually talk.

You need to express yourself.

Listen, you need to even express when you're frustrated.

And sometimes we think, well, I'll just kind of bury it deep down, and that's gonna, that's gonna make a better marriage, and that's gonna, you know, it doesn't.

You need to talk, and you need to communicate, and that needs to go both ways.

And and some of us are more introverts than than you know our spouse, and and you so we need to we need to work extra hard at this, but we need to you know step out of our comfort zone.

We need to communicate, because when you communicate, that's when you get to know each other uh a lot better, and that's when you can express love uh in so many more ways.

All right, that's the second one, third one.

Pray together every day.

Pray together every day.

You want to ramp up passion in your marriage?

Do this.

Okay, when was the last time you prayed with your spouse?

Angie and I used to like rock at this.

We would pray together like every night as we got into bed, kind of before we, you know, turned out the lights, and we've, you know, then we kind of lost it, and then we'd kind of come back, and then just this week again, we're like, oh yeah, we gotta get back on this, right?

We gotta get the prayer thing going.

And we just we we spend time mostly just praying for our marriage.

Lord, would you give us a great marriage?

Would you, would you, would your Holy Spirit have it have your way in me?

Lord, would you, and you can pray for your pay for your kids and you can pray, whatever, right?

But pray.

Pray prayer is super powerful in a marriage.

Okay, fourth one.

Do something kind for no particular reason.

Okay, is this obvious to some of us for sure?

Right?

But if it's only ever Christmas and birthdays and those cheesy Hallmark holidays, right?

Valentine's Day, do we even celebrate those?

I don't know, I'm kind of out on those, but listen, if it's only those kinds of holidays, we may not be doing quite enough, right?

Just do something kind, just out of the blue.

Right?

My wife did that uh for us just the uh couple of weeks ago, brought home a little gift for uh myself and the two kids.

And we were just like, that's amazing, right?

It's just for no reason, just like a random Wednesday or something.

Right, fifth one.

Go to a marriage conference together.

They go to a marriage conference together.

Okay, this is I someone someone mentioned this to me once.

Um, that they uh they go to a marriage, they him and his wife try to go to a marriage conference once a year.

I thought that was a really good idea, right?

And maybe it's one that you know a harvest puts on around here, or maybe it's one that another church is putting on.

It's a really good way to kind of go and just recalibrate uh your marriage.

Here's the sixth one.

Confess sin, forgive, and be gracious.

Right?

Easier said than done for sure, but this is so, so huge.

You've got to actually confess your sin when you blow it.

Don't just think that because your your your your your your temper has come down off the ledge and you know the alarm bells are kind of silenced.

Don't think that that means you've dealt with the issue properly.

You need to confess your sin to your wife.

You need to confess your sin to your Lord.

You need to be willing to forgive.

You need to choose to forgive, not just when you feel like it, but you need to choose to do it.

Forgiveness is both a one-time thing and a process, as you're gonna be tempted to continually, oh yeah, well, this is this is the pattern, right?

And and he or she is always doing this, and you're you know, stewing in your own juices about things that continue to happen.

Yeah, forgiveness is a choice that you need to continue to make.

I'm gonna continue to forgive.

We need to be gracious.

We need to be gracious.

You know, understand that your spouse is in the middle of their own sanctification as much as you are.

So if you're like you know, the nitpicky, you know, super critical, pointing out all their faults constantly, that's gotta go.

Right?

Because what if they just flip that on you?

Right?

All you would ever talk about is the negative.

Let's be gracious.

Let's understand that our spouse is a different person than us, and just because we've attained spiritual maturity, right, there's some sarcasm in that, right?

Doesn't mean that our spouse is gonna be right there exactly with us in the exact same ways.

In fact, they're gonna be actually ahead of us in a lot of different ways.

Let's be gracious about these things.

Seventh one.

Establish a regular date night.

Establish a regular date night.

This is this is huge.

I mean, maybe for you it's a weekly thing, right?

If you have if you're married and you have no kids, this is 24-7, right?

And everybody with kids are just like, ooh.

Right?

Because you get you have kids and you're like, where did you know, where did all the time go?

Right?

And and you wonder about that.

But it's so it becomes more work, it becomes more effort to plan those dates nights.

And I mean, all of this kind of depends on budget and restrictions and time and all that.

I know that we're all very, very busy.

This is something that Ang and I need to for sure ramp up and step up, just regular date nights, not once every you know, three months or whatever it is.

Kind of figure that out, talk about it, and uh listen, don't bring the kids.

Okay, don't bring them.

That's a free tip.

All right?

Here's the eighth one.

Always speak positively about your spouse to others.

This is an important one, isn't it?

And I think sometimes that something that happens when, you know, for example, a bunch of men get together is we like to kind of half jokingly sort of rip our wives a little bit, don't we?

And it's kind of sarcasm and it's uh, you know, and we kind of joke about it, and and and it's this, it's all kind of it looks like it's all you know innocent and fun and games, and oh, we have an understanding and it's all good.

Well, maybe, maybe not.

Right?

And and and and oftentimes when we joke and there's sarcasm, there's a hint of truth in that.

And so listen, I we just we we we just shouldn't do it.

I think like I don't want to be legalistic about any of this stuff, of course, but I just think it's as far as like you know being harsh about our wives behind her back or publicly or anything like that, that's again, that's another thing that's just gotta go.

It's gotta go.

Always, always speak positively.

Right?

That's what our we want to develop in our small groups, that we we want to develop kind of in our church culture as a whole.

Listen, passion in a marriage is not just a good idea, it's it's a it's a necessity.

Right?

It's a it's essential.

It strengthens intimacy, and the more that that happens, okay, the you know, the the more that over time you're gonna find, as the Holy Spirit's working and moving and all of that, you're gonna find that you're just gonna have you're just gonna have eyes for your spouse.

Right?

All you know, all of that other stuff that used to kind of like tempt me and all that stuff, I don't even care.

That's all you know, drifting into the periphery, and I've got like tunnel vision for my wife or my husband, and all I want is her or him.

Right?

That's what happens is the Lord begins to work.

So listen, you want to wise up about lust, start pursuing an awesome marriage.

Right?

Start putting your eggs in that basket.

Now, I also know that if you are, for example, single, right, and and really kind of have this strong desire to be married uh married, or or maybe you're divorced, you know, and maybe you're even uh you know you're not a candidate for uh biblical uh remarriage, or maybe you're uh here this morning and you are widowed, okay, or you you know, you struggle with you know same-sex attraction and you're you know wrestling that through with the Lord and you're you're working in the spirit to you know you know live a godly, you know, celibate you know life and all of that, and trying to control your passions.

Listen, I understand if if if any of that fits anyone here in the room, listen, I can just understand.

It's hard to sit through a message like this.

It's hard to sit through just this last point that we did alone, right?

As you as you're like, I don't, you know, I I I I want to be married, but but maybe it's just not happening, or you know, or or maybe it's never gonna happen, or I've got you know, heartbreak that I'm I'm wrestling with here, and so investing in a you know in in a marriage, yeah, thanks for that.

That's helpful, bro.

Right?

And that's what you're thinking.

And it's and it's just really hard.

And you know, you've got you've got your own battles and and in your own particular, kind of unique struggles with uh with all of that.

And and here's what I do know.

What I do know is that your God loves to come through for you.

Right?

He loves to pour out grace, he loves to be your strength, he loves to come to your aid in whatever that difficult, hard to you know, work through situation that you know is so.

Difficult that you know maybe a bulk of the people that you know don't even, you know, they don't even know the half of it how difficult it is.

But listen, God loves to help.

He loves to help all of us when it comes to our lust problem.

Right?

When it comes to uh the challenges with all of it.

And that's really the last thing here as we go.

So here's the last thing.

It's time to wise up about lust.

Realize that God wants to help before it's too late.

Hey, before it's too late.

Verse 21, we're gonna move quickly here.

For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his path.

Okay, we're gonna come back to that in a second.

Okay, the iniquities of the wicked man uh ensnare him.

Okay, he's gonna get caught in a trap, right?

And he is held fast in the cords of his sin.

He dies, strong word, he dies for a lack of discipline, and because of his great folly, he is led astray.

Okay, so the the warning here uses very strong language, doesn't it?

Right?

Failure to discipline yourself in these matters, and it does take discipline.

It does take effort put forth on your part.

It involves a massive dose of God's power in your life for sure, but it's not just God that does it.

He engages you in that, and it requires, of course, uh discipline.

All right?

We've got to discipline ourselves in the matters of lust.

And if we don't, it's to invite death.

Right?

Death to your relationships, and maybe you've seen relationships crumble with all of this.

Death to, you know, any spiritual effectiveness that you may have in your marriage with your kids, in your service in the church and all of that.

If we're you know giving in to you know sexual sin and all of that, that minimizes uh the power of the spirit, and we end up serving and doing all things in the power of the flesh, which does not bring glory to God, which is what our chief aim is.

Right?

That's what we're to do, to bring him glory.

Right?

So it causes spiritual ineffectiveness, not to mention death in the in the total separation from God's sense.

Do you know that?

And this is where this really gets serious.

Listen, you might want to jot down 1 Corinthians 6.

Okay, 1 Corinthians 6, 9 and 10.

You don't have to turn there.

I'm gonna read it right now, but listen to this.

It says, Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?

Okay?

Do not be deceived about these things.

Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will what?

Inherit the kingdom of God.

It's just not happening.

Okay, this is this is talking about people who have given themselves over to these kinds of sins.

Right?

People who do not care about the Lord.

People who are just like, you know, I don't care what he wants, and you know, I just want to, I just want to pursue whatever makes me happy in the moment, pursue whatever, you know, brings me, you know, pleasure in all these things, not interested in God's ways, you know, content to just immerse themselves in total unrighteousness.

This is talking about the unsaved.

Okay, this is talking about the unbelieving world.

All right, so listen.

Here's the warning, here's the application for you and I as the church.

If you and I, if any one of us has sexual sin in our lives, okay, and we are not dealing with it properly, and and we don't really care, and we are treating it like it is no big deal, then guess what?

We can have zero confidence that we know Jesus Christ.

Why?

Because it says those who give themselves over to this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Right?

You you don't know Jesus.

You're not saved.

There's no there's no heaven in it for you.

Why?

Because when Jesus saves, he transforms.

That goes hand in hand.

When Christ saves you, he doesn't leave you the same.

Right?

Yeah, you used to be like that.

You used to do all of those things.

We were all these kinds of people.

But through the power of Christ that starts, that we gain, that we have as soon as we put our faith in Jesus.

Through that power we begin to transform.

Now that doesn't mean that that transformation is easy.

No one's saying that.

It doesn't mean that that transformation is fast.

Rather yesterday I just used to really struggle in my thinking, but then I like read a book, or then I heard a pastor talk about it.

And now, ship shape, all good.

It doesn't work that way.

Right?

This is like a grind, right?

This is a this is a fight, it is a it is a battle, it is you at war.

That's what the Christian life is.

It is your flesh grinding away with the spirit on a day-to-day basis.

Do you know what I'm talking about here?

You experienced this?

Like you have your good days, you have your bad days.

You have your your ups and you have your downs.

Right?

That's what sanctification uh is.

But listen, all true Christians will be able to look back on their life the longer that you are in Christ and be able to see this trend.

Right?

I am growing.

I'm not the same as I used to be the other day, or the other year, or the other decade.

Because my God is at work in me.

And my God is transforming me by his power and by his grace.

And listen, that is exactly what I want ringing in your ears as we leave this place this morning.

Our God, your God, will transform you in the area of lust.

He will do it.

Do you believe that?

Right?

He's not like figure it out, or I don't care, or it's not gonna happen.

Listen, verse 21.

Remember, I said I was gonna come back to that.

It says this for a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, okay?

And he, that word ponders, okay, he ponders all his paths.

At first, that kind of looks like at first that God's watching you, watch out.

Right?

He can't wait to smoke you, right?

He can't wait to do that.

That's not really the thrust of all of this.

When it says that he ponders all the paths, you see a little number there and a note down at the bottom?

It literally means he's gonna make level your paths, i.e., he wants to come and help you.

Right?

He wants to, he wants to iron this out for you.

He wants to rush to your side.

Listen, we we often talk in the church about the grace of God being like the free gift of salvation, right?

We talk about it being a gift, and all of that is bang on.

But did you know that grace is more than that?

Grace is also God's power.

Right?

So when we say grace is available to you, it means God's unlimited grace is waiting there in this storehouse, being ready to be poured out on you to help you overcome lust or any other issue that you may have.

Right?

Grace is power.

We need to remember that.

Okay, and the way that we tap into that power, because that's the obvious question, right?

How do I get into that?

Because I feel like I haven't had that power in my life, and and you know, I don't, you know, when am I gonna get it?

And when is the Lord gonna come through for me and you know all of that?

Well, the way that we tap into that power is just so easy.

Well, it's so simple that we often just kind of glance over it and we we we don't even realize it's so easy.

You know what it is?

You gotta believe it.

You gotta believe it.

When you believe that God's grace is power, when you believe that God wants to pour that power and that grace out on you, that is the very moment that you start to change.

Right?

And again, you may not see it or feel it emotionally at first, but but what is that?

That's living by faith.

Living by faith, trusting and believing that the Lord, I can't see it, I don't understand the path that this is gonna go, I don't, you know, I don't get the whole picture, I can't see all that, I'm finite, but God is God is infinite and God loves me and reminding yourself of that, and God is powerful, and I have to believe what the scriptures say that He He wants to transform me, He wants to change me.

When you believe in grace, that's when His power gets to work.

Now, we talked about sexual purity a few times, and you know I can't, you know, talk about it without you know pumping the tires of this book, right?

It's been a few times since I've pointed this out, but really what I just said in the last like three minutes, right, really came out of chapter one, okay, in this book.

This will so bless you.

This is my personal copy.

It's got all kind of underlined, so please don't steal it because I go back to it uh for reference and stuff.

Um, but grab this.

This is Finally Free, write it down.

Finally Free by Heath Lambert.

Best best book on the topic.

It'll bless you.

I usually try and keep a stack of those uh with me in my office and just try to hand those out like gum, right?

This will bless you, this will help you.

Dads, get a copy of this book, read it with your sons, moms, read it with your daughters, read it as husband and wife.

It will help you, it'll give you a lot of a lot of help as you wrestle uh wrestle through this.

So listen, church, wise up when it comes to the dangers of lust.

Okay, wise up.

Like that's the obvious cry here here this morning.

Okay, but also you need to listen, you need to believe that God is greater than all of your sin.

Right?

And I know the reality is, right?

I've been there before, right?

When you're starting to feel like, well, I don't know if I believe, you know, I've I have cried out a lot, and I and I don't know that I've seen the Lord really come through for me, and I'm starting to really doubt that he is all powerful and that he is strong enough, and you know, all of that.

Well, listen, if if that's the place you're in and you are really doubting with that, and the hope is just like drained out of it out of a tire for you, that's where you're at.

Listen, the reason why is because you're starting to see yourself and your sin as bigger and greater than your God.

Right?

That's what it is.

You need to reignite your understanding, your biblical view of how powerful and how awesome and how great God is and how great his grace is.

And I'll just leave you with this verse and then I'm gonna pray.

And it comes from 2 Corinthians 12, verse 9.

2 Corinthians 12:9

I love this.

God's grace is sufficient for you.

Do you believe that?

God's grace is sufficient for you.

His power, so you see how it calls grace power?

His power is made perfect in weakness.