Proverbs | Wise Parenting (August 6th, 2017) - Mike Armstrong

All right, church, why don't you turn in your Bibles today to Proverbs chapter 4?

Proverbs 4 · chapter mention

Proverbs chapter 4 is uh is an amazing passage, and it's been a privilege to spend this week in it, and I'm trusting that the Lord is gonna do a great week as we continue or a great work as we continue through our Proverbs series here today.

Proverbs 4 · chapter mention

Now, as you're getting kind of turned over there, uh I remember my son Wyatt when he was about four years old, he came up to me and just kind of out of the blue asked me the question where he said, Daddy, um, does God love people who are in hell?

Right?

I remember thinking, like, what are you, like writing your thesis or something?

Like what's happening?

And you know, you sometimes you get those kind of moments, right?

You get those kind of moments where you know kids ask you these questions, and I remember thinking, like, how do I, you know, first of all, how do I answer this question correctly from a theological standpoint?

And and then and then how do I you know deliver it in a in a in an appropriate way uh for a four-year-old?

Now, our kids, again, our kids are constantly putting us in situations that require great wisdom from us, aren't they?

You know, from how to answer questions like that or questions like, you know, where do babies come from, you know, that type of thing, or you know, how how do I nurture my child to truly know that nothing compares to Jesus Christ?

Like, how do I get into that place where they they get it, they got it?

That's what that's what they're striving for.

You know, how do I how do I how do I protect them from kind of the harsh realities of the world without at the same time kind of overprotecting them where they're they're naive and they're not ready for the harsh realities of the world?

And you know, you know, again, parenting is parenting is it's a it's a tough business, you know, for for sure.

And uh, you know, we need the Lord, we need his wisdom.

You know, would you agree with that if you are uh a parent here today, or maybe uh you know a prospective parent thinking about you know uh getting into all of that at some point in your life?

Okay, well, the the good news, the good news is that God's word comes through in the clutch, yet again, right, as it always does uh for us here.

So let's read this now.

This is Proverbs chapter 4.

Proverbs 4 · chapter mention

Uh gonna be reading verses 1 to 9.

All right, follow along with me.

It says this Hear, O son, a father's instruction, and be attentive that you may gain insight.

For I give you good precepts.

Do not forsake my teaching.

When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother.

He taught me and said to me, Let your heart hold fast my words, keep my commandments and live.

Get wisdom, get insight.

Do not forget and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.

Do not forsake her and she will keep you.

Love her and she will guide you, guard you.

The beginning of wisdom is this get wisdom.

And whatever you get, get insight.

Prize her highly, and she will exalt you.

She will honor you if you embrace her.

She will place on your head a graceful garland.

She will bestow on you a beautiful crown.

Lord, again, it's one of those, it's one of those topics, it's one of those messages where we recognize how badly we need you.

God, as uncomfortable and as desperate of a place as that you know often feels to us, Lord, we also want to recognize that that is the exact place we need to be.

Because, Lord, when we are desperate, it means that we uh will be low.

It means that we will see our lowness and understand that you are great, Lord.

When we humble ourselves, Lord, you come through for us, you show us your power, you show us your goodness.

God, I want to pray for parents here this morning.

As they may be just starting out or you know, older and have grown children and you know, maybe even have grandkids or great-grandkids, Lord.

I pray that you would show us what you would expect from us, what you would want from us as parents.

God, as easy it is to feel terrible about our parenting, Lord, I pray, I pray, I pray, Lord, that we would, you know, understand that your grace can cover all of that.

Lord, I pray that we would see that you are stronger than our failures.

Lord, I pray and I pray hard, Lord, for our kids.

Lord, I pray that you would protect our children.

Lord, I pray that you would save them, Lord, I pray that you would give them a heart, a passion, a fire for the name that is above every single name, that is above every single thing in this universe, Lord, is the name of Jesus Christ.

Lord, I pray that you would be sweet to our souls, to our children's souls.

Lord, lead us, we pray, through this time together in your word.

We pray this in your name.

Amen.

Amen.

Now, like a lot of things in life, all right, parenting requires consistency.

It requires consistency.

Perhaps you, you know, kind of know that.

But consistency, you probably know what that is, it's kind of doing the same thing over and over and over and over, right?

It's that's what consistency is.

And I once heard someone say this, and I really like it, okay?

They said this.

Kids need parents who say what they mean, mean what they say, and do what they say they're gonna do.

Right?

I love that.

I think that is that's just so accurate.

Right?

And as and as parents, if if we're vague on you know what the standards are in our homes, the you know, the rules, the the expectations, the the values that we have, all of that, and what the consequences will be if those rules and standards aren't met.

Right?

If we don't hold our kids to account when they they fall short of those things, when they make mistakes and you know, all of that kind of thing.

We don't discipline, we don't correct when necessary.

What happens is it actually really frustrates our kids.

Do you know that?

It really it really confuses them too.

And and sure, they may be so young if they're not able to, you know, articulate that and and kind of call you out on that, and they would probably never actually say, you know, I just need more structure and rules, parents, right?

They they would probably never actually say that, but this is what kids need, and they need us to be consistent in all of that.

Why?

Because we want to be able to prepare them.

We want to prepare them for maturity, we want to prepare them to be adults, we want to prepare them to be great citizens of this country.

And of course, you know, as Christ followers, we want to prepare them to know and love and follow Jesus Christ all the days of their life.

And requires consistency that we would do that.

Wise parenting means that I'm consistent in these types of things.

Right?

Consistently doing a bunch of different things.

Here's the first one, all right?

You got your notes?

It's building a godly legacy that will last.

Okay, building a godly legacy that will last.

You've got to be consistent about that.

All right, take a look at verse one here.

Verse one says, Hear, O sons, of father's instruction.

Okay, so again, kind of like last week, again, we have the privilege of kind of sitting under King Solomon's teaching as he kind of gathers his boys around them to have a, you know, another heart to heart with them, father, you know, to son.

And so what he does is he provides us with just some brilliant parental wisdom that'll help us so much if we take it to heart.

And so he says, Hero sons, listen to me.

Don't shut your ear off.

Okay?

Hear my instruction.

He says, and be attentive that you may gain insight, for I give terrible precepts.

Nope.

What does it say?

Good precepts, right?

What parent wants to give their kids something terrible?

Right?

I mean, there are there are maybe teenagers in the room right now, and all of us were once teenagers, and you know, we all at one point thought that our parents just want to, you know, give us the raw deal.

Right?

Why are you being so mean to me and why are you being so harsh?

And, you know, why are you being so difficult?

You know, and and parents, they're they're that's not what parents are all about.

Right?

We're not trying to be, you know, harsh and difficult, anything like that.

You know, we're just, you know, as parents, and we kind of approach it that way, we're just tired of how difficult you make our lives.

Right?

Kidding.

Okay, remember, remember from last week we can laugh and stuff like that?

Remember that can take that carries over, right, to every single week.

All right.

So yeah, joking.

Okay, kids, we're good with that.

All right.

So here's what he's doing here.

Here's what he says.

He says, Do not forsake my teaching.

Okay, do not forsake my teaching.

When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother.

Now, a great thing to notice here is he kind of mentions his mom and dad, right, and he and the godly heritage that he came to, uh, came from.

And so his parents, I'm not sure if you remember this, but it was actually David and Bathsheba, and that's interesting.

We have actually last summer we looked at Psalm 51 and the uh, let's say, rocky start that David and Bathsheba had, right?

And the challenges that they had, but what an amazing picture of God's forgiveness and God's grace and the amazing way that he will work with sinners.

And hey, that's all of us, right?

And how he will work with us, and how he used them to start this godly heritage uh in their kids, and so he's kind of pointing back to all of that there, and and so what is he doing?

Now he's he's he's working to kind of to carry that forward, right?

To to build that godly legacy into his own kids.

Now, do you ever think of your parenting that way?

Do you think of it that way?

You know, you and I, we we have the the awesome privilege uh uh uh of looking at parenting and seeing our our parenting as this privilege, as this, as this incredible responsibility of either continuing the godly heritage that was started with your with your parents, or maybe your you know your grandparents, or maybe further back, and maybe you can look back to generations of uh of Christ followers, and it's it's up to you to continue to carry that mantle, or or for you, maybe you're like you know, the first link in the chain.

Right?

And it's it's you have the privilege to start something fresh and and and to see that start, and you know, you're you're you're excited about that, and you know, you're praying that you know a godly legacy would continue for generations, and I would I would encourage you to really think about that and and pray for those things.

I mean, isn't that amazing to just to just sort of imagine and and think about?

Just all the discipleship that can take place and the way that the Lord can work throughout so many people through generations and generations as you disciple your children and they grew up and they disciple others plus their own kids, and the net just kind of continues to spread wider as disciples are being made and God's kingdom continues to advance and God continues to get so much glory.

I mean, that I mean that kind of fills me, kind of fills me with goosebumps as I as I think about that and I think about my own children.

Listen, learn to see your parenting as legacy building, right?

As legacy building.

And not primarily for your own glory, so that you can be like, yeah, look what I have built, like look what I have accomplished.

That's that's not the that's not the heart, that's not really the approach, though there are incredible blessings, I think, that that come when you just see your your kids following the Lord.

Right?

And and my kids are still very, very young, and so you know, with the jury's still out on kind of where they're going, of course, right?

But I've heard from so many parents and those of you know, those who are older and have grown-up children who are seeing them, you know, follow the Lord and serving him.

It might be in vocational ministry, it might be in non-vocational ministry, but just the incredible joy that they have, and as I think about that with my own kids, and you know, I pray for that continually, over and over and over again, that Jesus would be the sweetest thing ever to them.

I mean, that's really, that's what I want most of all.

Right?

That is my heart, and I can't wait to see it.

I'm praying that God's grace would be strong in my kids' lives and that he would use even me to accomplish that.

And that's what we need to, that's how we need to look at it.

Right?

Legacy building.

Parenting isn't isn't fundamentally or primarily about you know getting your kids into the best school.

Right?

Parenting isn't about you know getting them to just, you know, just stop fighting, please.

Right?

That's not what it's about, it feels like it.

It's not it's not pushing them to get the best job or or excel in sports or you know, working your tail off so that you can leave them, you know, a pretty sweet inheritance at the end of it.

You know, it's about building uh a godly legacy.

It's about discipling our kids and raising them to know and and love Jesus Christ, where where Jesus has captured their affections.

That's what we are striving for, and that is what we are working for as parents, uh as parents.

Okay, the the sports scholarship, the you know, the great jobs, the chunk of change that you want to leave them at the end, all of that is good.

Okay, please don't hear me that that is negative and you shouldn't be doing uh any of that for sure, but but if it you know at the end of the day, you know, uh you know, we're not doing everything we can to nurture their hearts and push them towards the Lord, what's the point of all the rest of it?

Right?

So what is this?

This is really a call to not let what's good, which those other things are, become the enemy of what's best.

That right there is a massive challenge for parents.

A huge challenge.

And just the the busyness that we have.

And you know, we want the best for our kids.

We want them to have fun, and we want them to be involved with as many things as our you know our finances will allow, and I get it, and I'm right there with you, and it's you know, it's challenging to kind of sort through all of this.

But again, think about and just bring before the Lord and ask him to work kind of in your priorities.

Now we're really gonna spend kind of the rest of our time here this morning, you know, looking or you know, and talking about what what building a godly legacy kind of looks like you know in our homes and all of that.

But before we get there, let's kind of look at it from a different angle, all right?

We're gonna look at three ways to tamper with your godly legacy.

Okay, so this is kind of a, yeah, don't do these things.

Kind of a list, all right?

Now, this is I, you know, maybe the the better way of putting it is potentially tamper with with your godly legacy.

Because here's the thing God's grace overcomes all of our shortcomings and all of our failures.

Right?

I I've already said it before that none of us are perfect parents.

I already look back on the eight years since I've been a father and just been like, man, I wish I'd you know, I wish I'd done more here, or I wish I'd handled that better.

And from what I understand from talking to a lot of other parents who are a little further down the line than us, they're like, yeah, that that list grows, right?

And so we have to understand that that you know, these are ways that we can we can do some damage, but let's trust the Lord to overcome these things if we have maybe you know already committed some of this.

All right, but here's the first thing three ways to tamper with your godly legacy.

Have shallow conversations about God with your kids.

Have shallow conversations.

Here's what I found.

Kids, even at a very young age, and certainly through you know junior high and high school, and of course older than all of that, they have very real questions.

They want to know what really matters, they want to know the truth.

They they want to understand, you know, what does God mean when he says this?

Or how does this work?

How am I supposed to think properly about this or act in this specific situation?

Kids want to know.

And if as parents we only have the you know, the really you know surfacey conversations about the Lord with them, if it's you know really only about you know thanking God you know for you know the food we're about to eat, if that's really as deep as it goes, listen, we're not doing our kids any favors.

Right?

And and it's the kids want solid answers.

And so what what is this what does this kind of show you?

First of all, it shows you you better know a thing or two, right?

And and I don't I don't say that to turn up the heat on you in an ultra-awful, you know, making you feel terrible guilt kind of a way.

But listen, you you need to have your own faith worked out.

You need to have asked these questions.

You need to kind of sort these things through.

You need to probe the depths of the Lord and figure out how do I how do I handle the tough questions the kids are gonna throw at me these days.

You know, and when kids ask you the questions, don't just breeze over it because you're not really sure what to say.

Maybe just admit it to them.

They're gonna see right through it if you don't know the answer.

Kids are geniuses, right?

So just let them know.

Well, you know, actually I'm not too sure, but maybe let's look into this together or let me do some digging and I'll come back to you and we'll have a discussion about this as a family.

Right?

Make sure that you're not just having shallow shallow conversations.

Here's another way to tamper with your legacy.

Expect more out of your kids than you expect of yourself.

Right?

This is another thing that kids will see right through.

Maybe you're kind of sitting here and and I don't know, maybe even kind of in your own spirit, kind of patting yourself on the back a little bit, because no, I'm like, I'm going hard at my kids and I'm challenging them, and they're on like a you know a strict regimen of memorizing scripture, and you know, they're in the word of God constantly, and you know, they're not allowed to do this, and they're not allowed to do that, and our our standards are super tight, and we're way better than that family or those families, and yeah, maybe that's all well and good, but do you follow those same rules that you you know instill your kids, you're trying to instill in your kids?

You know, again, maybe you're pushing them into the word, for example, but do they ever see you in God's word?

Do you hold them to this place where where you don't you don't care to try and get to?

Kids.

The kids will see it.

They will see it, and what and what's their reaction gonna be?

This isn't real.

This is just a sham.

This is just some empty structure that that they're trying to create in our home, but it doesn't mean anything to them or him or her, so why should it mean anything to me?

Alright, expect as expect more out of yourself than you expect out of your kids.

Third one.

How about this one?

Withdraw from having a dynamic relationship with your kids.

Sometimes we can fall into the trap of, you know, we want to give our children all the all the best and we want to provide for them, and you know, we think you know automatically about the the monetary, you know, ways that we do that, and and you know, the the vacations and the you know, they have the best and they're at the best schools again and all of that type of thing, but you know, how's your relationship with your kids?

You know, are you are you constantly moving towards relationship with your children?

Are you constantly you know asking how they're doing, getting to know them, finding out their likes and their dislikes, and as your kids grow and change, you know, celebrating those things and and and and and loving your kids, even if they're different or vastly different than you are, always be looking for ways to make connections and grow that relationship with your children.

It will take you so far in all the other things that you need to say and teach them and how you guide them.

Or are you the are you kind of the checked-out parent and yeah, I don't know, I'm I'm kind of here physically, but but kind of relationally, I'm not.

Again, do you think our kids can see that?

No, of course not.

Right?

They can.

Now, again, though, if you're if you're at a stage where you're you know, where your kids have you know grown up and and uh you know they've moved out, or maybe your you know your heart kind of aches and a message like this is challenging to you because of maybe where your kids are at in the Lord and and and all of that, you know, listen, realize again that it's it's not over.

You know, God is God is stronger than our shortcomings and and even our even our failures.

Right?

Instead of uh of despairing, which is just I find is so easy to do in the parenting game, instead of instead of you know condemning ourselves, which is which is also so easy to do, you know, use the opportunity or the season of life that you're in right now to become a prayer warrior.

To become a prayer warrior where you are just like on your knees daily and constantly crying out to the Lord for your child's salvation, for your for your kid's growth, for your kid's heart for the Lord, all of those things.

It's a godly legacy will not happen apart from prayer, period.

Right?

We need, we need, we need to pray.

Godly legacies are built on it.

Okay, here's the second thing.

Okay, wise parenting means that I'm I'm Consistently targeting my children's hearts.

Okay, I'm targeting my children's hearts.

This one's pretty huge.

Take a look at verse 4.

Verse 4 says, He taught me and said to me, Let your, what's the word?

You can interact.

What's the word?

Heart, right?

Let your heart hold fast my words, keep my commandments, and live.

You know, and I love how, I love how Solomon he just goes after his his son's hearts here, just as just as his father David went after his.

That's not his aim.

He's not merely focused on outward behavior, because neither is God.

God isn't interested in that.

And hey, we miss the mark by a mile when our emphasis is on external conformity to a bunch of rules while inwardly our heart is rebelling, or our children's hearts are rebelling, and our kids don't actually care or want to obey.

God is always, always, always going after our hearts.

And so wise parents will always be working to target the hearts of their children.

Now understand this, alright?

Targeting, targeting the heart of your kids requires a pretty serious uh adjustment when it comes to our you know our natural instincts.

Because our natural instincts are are kind of focused the other way and and focused on behavior.

And you know, let's be honest, focusing on behavior is just way easier.

And again, it comes more naturally to us.

Now listen though, it's also far less effective when it comes to seeing real transformation in your children's lives.

It's far less effective.

Okay, so for example, all right, let's talk about the dreaded road trip with young kids.

All right?

Everyone immediately is there in your spirit, right?

You know exactly what this is all about.

Right?

And you're driving the car, probably dad, right?

And and you know, your kids are fighting in the back.

And what do you do?

You know, you're you're you know, the blood's starting to boil, and the you know, the temperature's getting hot, and you know, you've got your hand on the wheel, and finally you're kind of like reaching back there with your hand, and you're trying to grab an ankle, and the kids are like doing this to try and get out of it, and you're trying to get them to what?

Just be quiet.

Right?

Just stop it.

Right?

And you kind of you kind of release anger and this and this frustration and these you know threats that you have no intention of following through on.

Right, we'll turn this car around.

No, you won't.

You're like halfway to Maryland.

Like, there's no way you're turning this car around.

Right?

What what our what our approach, okay, if I can use that as an example, what our approach reveals in those moments is, let's be honest, it's a really shallow and even even selfish approach.

Right?

That's that's what it is.

Because, you know, what what do we show that we really want in those moments?

We want quiet.

Right?

All we want is peace.

Would you just that that's what we're thinking, you know, in those in those moments.

You know, we're we're annoyed and we're expressing that.

You know, it's you know, we're we're trying to express how they've inconvenienced us and you know the that the hassle that your fight is causing me right now.

You know, and and so we're uh what happens when we're kind of in that on that kind of plane is that is that our response doesn't really get to the issues at hand.

Right?

Our response doesn't get to the core of what's going on.

Yeah, we we're upset that they've you know you know upset our you know perfect little world and the peace that we you know try to have tried to create and all of that, and so you know we you know as and as opposed to trying to help them understand that that they are kind of grieving the heart of the Lord uh through their you know broken sibling relationship right there uh in that moment.

Right?

And parents have you know kind of all done that, and so what do we end up doing?

We we get them to you know force out you know the most stale, bland, regurgitated, you know, apology of life.

Right?

That's what we do as parents.

And it's it's just amazing my kids are like, sorry.

Don't you love?

I love kids.

Kids are the greatest thing ever because they just do not care, right, about trying to put their best foot forward in those situations.

They're not trying to pretend, they don't have the mask on, they're not trying to like pull one over on you, they're showing you their hearts right there in that moment.

They show you that they couldn't give a flying rip about how they have, you know, hurt their sister's feelings, or bothered their brother, or upset you, you know, leader of our family dad.

Right?

They don't care about any of those things, but sometimes that's what we focus on, and you know what?

We're even satisfied when that's what they regurgitate.

As though that's exactly what needed to happen.

That that that awful excuse of an apology.

Right?

And and and this happens like like a hundred times a day.

Right?

And stay-at-home moms are like, yeah, like welcome to my world, man.

Right?

And again, I have small kids, and so I'm kind of speaking from that position, but you know, I've talked to a lot of parents of teens, and they're like, no, it's the exact same.

Right?

Same thing, hundred times a day, right?

Breaking up fights.

Right?

That's how it is.

Listen, targeting the heart is just, it's so much different, right?

And it's so much better.

Now it requires, it requires patience on our part, right?

And patience, of course, is a fruit of the spirit.

So we need the Lord working in us to be able to target the hearts of our kids, right?

It requires a certain calmness, it requires, you know, a willingness to do, to do some digging and kind of you know get under the surface of what's going on in our kids' minds and in and in their hearts, and it requires that we be thinking deeply about what's going on and approaching it that way.

And so, you know, if you're thinking, well, how how do I start to do that?

Well, I would suggest, you know, learning to be really good and expert at asking questions.

People who ask questions will get places, right?

Parents who do that.

And so, here, let me just give you a couple of examples here.

And, you know, if you want to try and scramble to write these down, you can.

If you want me to send them to you in an email or whatever, I know there are small groups who are meeting this week, I will be talking about these things.

But here are a couple of questions that start to get kind of at the heart.

Okay, how about this one?

Why?

That's a good question.

Why did you speak to your sister like that?

I don't know.

Don't be satisfied with that nonsense answer, right?

Don't be satisfied with that.

Not good enough.

That's what you need to tell them.

Right?

Not no, think about that.

Why, okay, why did you speak to her like that?

What caused you to say those words?

What caused, you know, those words to come out of your mouth?

Well, it's because of what she did.

No, no, no, hold on a second.

Don't blame her.

Think about yourself for a second.

You see how you start to use questions to kind of get the focus back on them and to get them think about, yeah, what what did cause me to flip out like that and completely be insane, right?

Here's a couple more.

Why do you think that being treated unfairly by your brother causes you to get so angry?

Because he's an idiot.

Well, no.

Okay?

Okay.

I mean it might be true.

No.

What's what's why do you care so much that what he said bothers you?

Like what why why why do you what's your value system there?

Is is it because he has simply inconvenienced you?

Like what what are the values of your heart?

What do you what do you demand from your brother or your sister who caused you to get so angry?

What does your anger say about what you want most of all, what your heart wants most of all?

Okay, you see how you're starting to get to it there?

Okay, a couple more.

I won't spend as much time on all of these.

Okay, how do you think your words made her feel?

What do you think the Lord's reaction would be to this?

Is it even possible for you to change if you wanted to?

Because this is probably like the thousandth time you've had this kind of conversation.

Okay, if it is possible, how?

How do you actually change?

How can you how can you get to the place where you actually want to change?

That's a huge one, isn't it?

I don't care about changing.

I just want her to be quiet.

How about this?

How can you know that God wants to see you grow and he wants to help you grow?

Right?

See, all these questions are intended to begin to draw out the heart.

You begin to get at what's making the child tick.

You it draws out where they're really at, and you're getting, again, you're getting under the hood.

And what is this for?

This is well, partially for your benefit, so you can know your kids.

So you can understand where they're at.

This is so helpful as you learn to pray for them.

You can be so specific, so precise in your prayers as you're starting to realize the heart issues that are there, and you can target those and go after those continually.

But listen, it's also for your child's benefit.

It's because you're trying to teach them where their heart is at.

You're trying to teach them the dangers of the heart.

You know, that that advice, you know, just follow your heart out on that around here.

Okay, your heart will lead you in all kinds of awful places.

The heart is sick and deceitful above all else.

Who can know it?

That's what the scriptures say.

And so help your kids understand their sinful tendencies, the way that their flesh creeps up when they're when they don't have enough sleep, or when they, you know, haven't eaten properly, or they're stressed, or whatever it is, or when their you know their sibling or you or a friend does something to them that they don't like.

Right?

You're showing them the you know the grace of God.

You're trying to draw all of it back into the gospel and showing them why Christ died.

He died to redeem you, he died to change your and and fix your warped heart.

All these sinful issues and these tendencies that you have are that are in your character.

God wants to completely revamp and renew, and he wants to make you over, he wants to remake you.

And so you show them the hope of the gospel, the goodness of Jesus Christ, why he came and why he died and how much he loves them.

And you're constantly bringing it back to God's power, his forgiveness, the gospel, God's redemption plan, the hope for salvation.

That's just a great way to begin to target the heart.

Learn to ask really good questions.

Okay, if you only or primarily target external behavior, it's much, much, much less likely that you're gonna be able to get to the heart of your child.

Okay, but hey, if you if you target the heart, you're gonna capture the behavior too.

Why is that?

Well, because a heart that's gripped by the Lord, a heart that's gripped by the gospel, will want to behave properly.

You see how that works?

So target their hearts.

Okay, third thing here.

Wise parenting means that I'm consistently showing them their need for wisdom.

Okay, I'm showing them their need for wisdom.

Verse five, I love this.

Okay, verse five, get wisdom, get insight, do not forget, do not turn away from the words of my mouth, do not forsake her, and she will keep you, love her and she will guard you.

The beginning of wisdom is this get wisdom, and whatever you can get, get insight.

Right, I love that.

I just love the you know the you know the intensity of of Solomon here as he's as he's pleading with his kids for this.

You know, and it's kind of like, you know, you kind of get the intensity at times, right?

It's like when your kids go away for the very first time to, you know, to summer camp and all of that, or you know, they're you know, they're you know, 18, 19, 20, and they're heading off on that, you know, not very well thought-through backpacking trip through Europe, and and and there's that sense of desperation and urgency on your part as a parent, to like, you know, make sure that you call and you know, you know, make sure that you brush your teeth and and and for the love of Pete, be safe, right?

And there's that that urgency, that desperation there.

And I see a little bit of that here, maybe a lot of it in in Solomon's words, and oh, that we would have that same kind of that urgency and that desperation that our kids would would absorb and receive wisdom.

Now, it's I think it's pretty obvious the older our kids get, the more wisdom that they're gonna require.

Right?

I don't think that's you know all that relevanty for us.

You know, they need it, they need it pretty desperately.

Okay, so how do we help them with this?

Right?

How how do we with, you know, as parents kind of show them how badly they need it?

Right?

How do how do we do that?

Well, I really believe that uh that a massive, massive part of this, okay, hopefully you sense the enunciation in that and the again the urgency in that is a way that we help them, you know, kind of see their need for wisdom is by instilling consequences when they blow it.

Okay, this is a this is a big one.

Okay, this is a huge one.

And this is something that, listen, the world is going 180 degrees the other direction from.

Right?

No, you you can't install instill uh consequences for your kids.

We don't want to hurt their you know their precious confidence.

You know, they might not be 150% happy.

Right?

We can't we can't tell them that they didn't do awesome.

We've got to give out the you know the ribbon for you know 20th place, you know.

We can't instill consequences, we can't do any of this according to the world.

Listen, when your kids make foolish choices, they need to feel it.

They need to feel it.

They need to feel the the sting of that.

And listen, it is required if you want them to grow up to know and love and cherish the Lord Jesus Christ.

Because listen, if you're the parent here today who is constantly, continually, you know, coming to your kids' rescue every single time that they blow it, you know, and you are always smoothing it all over, and you're always, always giving them the pat on the back and you know, all of that, and they never again feel the sting of all of that.

Like maybe, you know, as your kids get older, you're you know, you're still you're paying their, you know, you're making their car payments even after they've blown all their money at the mall, right?

And they can't afford to make them themselves, or or maybe your you know your kid gets fired, you know, for for sleeping in.

And so what do you do?

You go and you give their boss a you know a piece of of your mind, right?

And you're stepping in and you're constantly doing all of those things.

Listen, if you're doing that, you do your kids how many favors?

None.

No favors.

Now I get it, I get it.

It is extremely difficult to watch your kids suffer.

It's really hard.

You know, uh as parents, we have this hardwired into us, probably moms even more than dads, where we just want to, we want to protect them, right?

We want to we want to gather them in.

We want to, you know, we want to be the mother, father, hen.

I don't know if that totally works.

We want to be the mama hen, and we want to gather them into that.

We want to, you know, take care of every single problem and make it all go away and you know, all of that.

But listen, your kids need to suffer the consequences of poor decisions, foolish behavior, because consequences teach us that foolish decisions bring pain.

Foolish decisions bring problems.

And when they feel that, and when it hurts and it causes them to have to kind of rethink their lives and all of that, listen, what is that gonna cause them to do?

It's probably next time they find themselves in a situation like that, they're probably gonna make the right choice.

And just think about your own self, your own life.

You know, we've all made mistakes, we've all made sometimes some really brutal ones, and next time you find yourself in that kind of a situation, you're like, well, I don't really want to go down that road anymore.

And it's it's much more likely that you're gonna make the right decision because you've suffered the consequences of a of a bad one before.

And I remember when I was at a parenting conference once, uh, a number of years ago, it was for parenting teens, and it was by a guy named Mark Gregson.

He's got a radio ministry uh down in the States.

He lives in Texas, and he has like a ranch for uh troubled youth.

And he uh takes some kids in, and I remember he told a story uh at this retreat uh that I'll share with you.

Um it was uh he had a friend of his named Bob Hurley come and talk to him.

Now, uh Bob Hurley, I don't know if you've ever, if you remember or know the that surf company, Hurley, you know, you see the H and kids are wearing that stuff.

Well, Bob was the guy who started that company, and and uh as you can imagine, has a lot of money, and uh he was a believer.

He's a believer, he follows Jesus Christ, and uh and he had uh a situation with uh one of his kids who was, I don't know, 18, 20, somewhere in that range, and and the guy was a bit of a wild child, and and he and Mark were friends, and he would go to Mark for advice with all this.

Well, I guess at one point, uh during one uh just before one Christmas, uh Bob gives Mark a call and says, Listen, I got myself uh uh quite a situation, and uh Mark said, All right, let me know what it is.

And so I guess what had happened is his son had got himself into some trouble with the law and had found himself uh in jail.

And uh Bob said, So, so what are you gonna do?

Uh or Mark said, What are you gonna do?

Bob said, Well, I'm I'm not really sure.

Uh we've got uh a plan, we've got plans to take the entire family to Hawaii for Christmas.

And Bob said, Listen, we need to let him do, you just need to let him sit there.

Right?

You need to let him, you need to let him rot.

He needs to, he needs to feel the weight of this.

Wow, I can't I can't really do that.

I don't I don't want to do that.

That's gonna, that's gonna ruin Christmas.

It's gonna make it the worst thing ever.

And and Mark's plea with him was you have to let him do this.

His soul is hanging in the balance here.

And so they hung up the phone, and and Mark wasn't sure what was, you know, how it all ended up until you know several weeks later.

He got back on the phone with him and and said, What happened?

And and Bob said, I let him rot.

He said, How'd it go?

He said, Well, it it ruined Christmas, it was the worst.

He said, How's how's your boy?

And he said, It it turned his life around.

He's like, he he sat there for a couple of days thinking that I was gonna come and bail him out.

I mean, again, think about it.

You know, he sold Hurley, the surf company, to Nike for millions and millions and millions of dollars.

You know, posting bail wouldn't have been a big problem.

But as he sat there and he sort of realized dad's not showing up anymore, it focused, it caused him as a spirit was moving to reconsider the choices that he was making.

He actually repented right there in his jail cell.

He turned his life back to the Lord, and as of that phone call, which is only a couple of weeks later, he had been committed, he had committed his life.

I'm gonna serve you, I'm gonna follow you, Lord, wherever you want to go.

Right?

Amazing and incredible, maybe you would say extreme story though, of how letting your children experience the consequences in an appropriate, age appropriate way for sure, but how actually helpful that is in the development of your kids and showing them, no, you know what, I need the Lord and I need the wisdom that He brings.

Wise parents are consistent about showing their kids their need for wisdom.

Consistent in that.

Okay, last thing.

Last thing.

Wise parenting means that I'm consistently emphasizing that wise living is worth it.

It's worth it.

Verse 8, take a look at that here.

And this is and Solomon's angle, as we're gonna see here, this is really an approach that we all need to take.

This is worthy of copying for all of us here because sometimes I think as parents, we kind of unintentionally focus, you know, most of our energy on the you know, on the negative.

You know, you know, don't do that.

You know, stop being bad.

You know, that wasn't smart.

You know, look what you did.

Right?

We do that, it's it's unintentional.

You know, we're not you know, our intentions aren't evil, we're not trying to be difficult and all of that.

You know, we want our kids to genuinely, you know, do the right thing for sure and all of that.

Okay, but instead of instead of just kind of harping on his on his sons and you know, being that nag on them constantly, notice how Solomon shows the the immense worth of wise living.

Verse 8.

Prize her highly and she will exalt you.

She will

Honor you if you embrace her.

She will place a head your on your head a graceful garland.

She will bestow on you a beautiful crown.

He paints this picture that wise living has awesome benefits.

It's like this is this is the way to go.

Do you see what's what could be in store for you here?

Do you see how how great things could could turn out for you?

Life can be pretty amazing when you make wise choices.

Okay, so as parents, you know, it's it's important that we really spend time thinking this stuff through and and having these conversations with our you know with our children, showing them how worth it it is to follow Jesus Christ and his ways.

It is so, so good that you would do that.

It's so good that they would understand that.

So listen, when you're going through things as a family and and and life is maybe difficult and you're going through that season, like bring your kids in, again, age appropriate, right?

Bring your kids on in on your your prayers to the Lord as a family.

You know, as as you have suffered foolish decisions, you know, talk to your kids about that, but also show them how he has blessed you, how he has poured out his grace and his power on you when you have made wise decisions.

Again, it's like you're you're turning the spotlight on how awesome it is to follow Christ.

Show them that, talk about that.

Celebrate when you see the Lord doing good things in their life because they're exercising wisdom.

Right?

Cheer them on, be their biggest cheerleaders when they're living for the Lord and they are doing great things.

If the majority of what they're hearing from you is don't do this, don't do that, don't do this, it just has this whole negative kind of draining vibe to it.

But again, if we're showing the measureless, awesome reality of life in Christ, if we continue to highlight that and pump that up as this awesome thing, our kids are gonna want, they're gonna want that.

Right?

And they're gonna be like, yeah, it is worth it, and it is great, and I am seeing God do some good things in me, and I, you know, I just want to continue to go down this path.

And it's it really comes down to emphasizing all of that for uh for our kids.

You know, as they do that, they're gonna be like, why would I why would I want to go anywhere else?

Why would I want to do anything else?

I've got to show uh shine the spotlight on it on it constantly.

This kind of stuff that's worth giving my life to.

And again, that's that's that's the huge part of parenting, right?

It's that it's that consistency.

It's that it's it's doing the same things over and over and over again.

You know, sometimes we you know, sometimes we read our Bibles or we you know go and talk to you know uh somebody mature in their faith, or we come to church, or we go to a conference, like a parenting conference, because we're often looking for, you know, what's that new thing that I want?

What's that new thing that's gonna help me in my walk or help me in my parenting?

And listen, a lot a lot of uh parenting is is doing the things that you already know to do again, right?

Over and over again.

You know, don't be strong one day and then and then preach a completely different message the next.

Again, that brings this like, what is going on in my family kind of mentality for our kids.

Right?

Consistency is the name of the game.

And I know what you're thinking.

Consistency is hard.

Right?

It's so draining.

Right, mom, so many of you are are at home, you know, constantly with your kids, and and maybe your husband's you know out working, and you know, he gets that vacation from them for that eight hours a day.

And you know, it it's that it's that hard thing over and over and over again to be consistent.

It's so much easier to just do your own thing or just you know, play hours of video games or watch hours of TV.

I don't even care anymore.

Just be quiet and stop bugging me.

No, it's you gotta be consistent about these things.

Instilling the things of the Lord in your children.

Do it today, do it tonight, do it tomorrow morning, do it the rest of the week.

One of the things that it's been kind of hitting me hard lately is that I'm just about halfway through my time with my oldest.

Right?

He's eight years old.

By the time he's eighteen, some of you are laughing, you're like, yeah, right, buddy, it'll be a lot longer than that.

Right?

By the time he's 18-ish, he'll be, you know, gone to school.

And a lot of my influence, you know, will pass to friends, pass to, you know, another church, hopefully.

We don't have a lot of time.

And can I can I kind of ratchet that up a little bit more?

Here's what I've noticed through just you know years of youth ministry.

By the time our kids get to, you know, get to junior high, they even start to kind of go, yeah, thanks, mom and dad.

And it becomes about it becomes about friends.

Right?

Friends are the influence.

You know, amazing, you know, older youth leaders, maybe, and and those kinds of, they have the influence.

And when they're teenagers, it gets even more so that way.

So our time is short.

Let's learn to see it that way.

And I want to leave you with this.

I'm gonna pray.

We're gonna have a time of communion together as a church, but I want to leave you with this.

We were at another parenting conference, I don't know, a while ago.

Um, Pastor Paul Tripp, some of you guys would heard have heard of him and maybe read his books.

He's, you know, kind of one of my heroes uh for sure.

And he he said this line that that my wife just loves, and she repeats it often as she reminds herself in the day-to-day grind and the battle of you know raising little babies and toddlers and you know, strong-willed children, which we have, you know, for sure.

But there was this great thing that he said, and I love this.

He says, be weary for the sake of your kids.

Be weary for the sake of your kids.

And the Lord will meet you in your weariness.

Okay, don't forget that.

Again, it's a reminder.

God is stronger than your tiredness.

He's stronger than the coffee you're drinking to keep you through it.

Right?

He's stronger than your failures, he's stronger than your shortcomers coming, he's stronger than all of it.

He wants to see your kids grow and love him even more than you do.

Right?

So lean into him for it.