The Road Toward Reconciliation (August 20th, 2017) - Jason Lock

Good morning, Harvest New Market.

I'm very glad to be back with you again for a second week in the book of Philemon.

So please join with me now and open up your Bible to Philemon.

We're going to be starting at verse 12 today.

Over these two weeks, we've been considering relationships in the church.

Because in the church, relationships can be broken and need mending.

Hurt happens, but reconciliation is right.

Last week we considered the reasons for reconciliation, and they were pretty simple actually.

When a relationship is broken, we should seek reconciliation because it's what the gospel requires.

Because for the sake of love, and because every Christian is useful.

With these simple reasons laid out before us, today we're going to consider the road to reconciliation.

It's a path that I've had to walk down many times, and probably you yourself, and maybe even right now, but it's not an easy road to follow.

If you and I were carpooling, maybe going down to see the Blue Jays play at the Rogers Center, and we were trying to figure out how we're going to get there.

Not hard.

If you've been there before, uh, and especially if you're coming from up here in Newmarket, pretty easy road to follow.

Find the 404, drive south.

And then when you have to look at the sea and tower like this, you're there.

Now the road to reconciliation isn't like that.

And you know, if you've had a relationship that has been broken and requires mending, it's a hard path to follow.

We're looking at Philemon because uh Paul, the Apostle Paul, was trying to help mend the broken relationship between this man Philemon and a man Onesimus.

And I believe this relationship, their reconciliation, provides the best case scenario of how we can mend our relationships.

But as we travel down this hard path, there may be lots of different variables, lots of different turns that we must make, but there are a few crucial turns that we have to take.

And if we miss these turns, you're never reaching your destination.

But I hope you want to.

What turns must we take on the road to reconciliation?

Well, let's get into God's word and consider this together.

Lord, help us understand your word more so that we might follow you more faithfully.

The first road to reconciliation is found in verse 12.

Follow your eyes back into God's word with me.

We'll read verse 12 to verse 14.

It says, I, that's Paul, am sending him, that's Onesimus, uh, back to you, that's Philemon, sending my very heart.

I would have been glad to keep him with me in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment in for the gospel, but I preferred to do nothing without your consent, in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion, but of your own accord.

So, brief recap of you weren't here last week.

Uh there was this man who was a good friend of Paul named Philemon.

Uh he owned a large house and had many servants, many slaves in that house.

One of them was Onesimus.

Now Onesimus uh wronged his master.

He deserted his master, and he stole something in the process.

Onesimus met Paul, Paul led him Onesimus to the Lord, and then Paul told Onesimus, you gotta go make this right.

And we can see from these first verses here that Paul was really fond of his relationship with Onesimus.

He said, like, I'm sending you back my own heart.

And now one of one of the byproducts of the reasons why Paul was sending this guy back to Philemon was because in return, Paul wanted Philemon to let him go back to Paul.

You see, after Paul found Onesimus and Onesimus got saved, Paul and Onesimus were like partners in the gospel and they were both working together.

But Paul recognized, like, hey man, if you don't make this right, if you don't make this right with your master, your ministry, your work for Jesus is not gonna be fruitful.

You gotta go make this right.

So Onesimus went back.

Now, here's the first turn that we must take on the road to reconciliation.

And understand this, there's something that we need to see that's not like explicitly said, but it's implicit.

It has to be there.

If Onesimus was willing to go back to make things right, Onesimus must have taken full ownership of the hurt that he caused.

This is the first turn that we must take on the road to reconciliation.

Following the road to reconciliation requires confession of sin.

And friends, if you miss this, you're never reaching your destination.

I will never reach that destination.

Confession of sin means offering a genuine apology.

And thankfully, Paul was loving enough to point out the thing that Onesimus did wrong to Onesimus so that he could go back, take ownership, and offer a humble confession.

Now, before I started driving in when I was 16, 17 years old, I had already actually had a lot of practice driving.

Not on the road, because that's illegal.

I didn't have my license before 16, but I had a lot of practice driving on my parents' boat on the lake.

And once I started driving in a car on the road, one of the biggest differences that I found between the two, yes, I have a wheel like this.

One of the biggest differences when I'm driving in a car and there's lanes around me, I need to be checking my blind spots all the time.

Actually, my driver's ed teacher told me uh, you gotta be aware of your environment and like every three seconds be looking in your mirrors to make sure no one's around you, and especially when you're changing lanes, you gotta look in your blind spot, put your signal on before you go.

Or else, almost like I did on my way here to church this morning, you might be meeting a new friend on the side of the road.

Just like I do, you have blind spots in your faith and in your walk with Christ.

Just like I do, there are patterns and habits that we have which are sinful, which we're not aware of, but which we hurt other people because of.

But Paul was able to point it out in Onesimus, and because of that, he was willing to go back and take full ownership.

Who's got permission in your life to help you check your blind spots?

Who's your co-pilot in your walk with Christ?

Have you given your spouse permission to look into those areas of your life which you continually struggle in, or do you get angry as soon as they try and do a loving thing and help correct you?

Does your small group leader have the right to look into your life?

If not, you're gonna cruise along and run into a lot of people and leave a lot of damage in your wake.

Paul was loving enough to point it out when Esimus was humble enough to take ownership.

Full ownership, humble confession means a genuine apology.

But watch out for this, friends.

Watch out for half-baked apologies.

Half-baked apologies don't take full ownership because of our pride and our unwillingness to admit that we're wrong.

Here's a half-baked apology.

Um I'm sorry if I hurt you.

Listen, if you've used that before, the the the plausibility of hurt happening isn't up for discussion, right?

Hurt has happened.

That's a half-baked apology.

Unwilling to take ownership.

Here's another half-baked apology.

Um, I'm sorry you got hurt, but that wasn't my intention.

Can't you just be like loosen up a little bit?

Yeah, we know it wasn't your intention.

That's why it's called a blind spot.

But hurt has happened.

That's a half-baked apology.

Here's a genuine apology.

I'm sorry.

I'm at fault and I have no excuses.

Please forgive me.

I've had to humble I've had to humble myself often and say that.

Are we offering half-baked apologies or genuine confessions from full ownership?

Maybe you have been at offering half-baked apologies.

How do we get all the way there so that there's no gooey center, but you can actually serve.

It's not like little pink in the middle of the chicken.

You can eat this.

This is not gonna be something you reject.

Put it back in the oven more.

How are we gonna get there?

How are we gonna take full ownership?

Well, you gotta recognize this first, friends.

You gotta recognize first that your hurt that you did to that brother or sister in Christ wasn't first a sin against your brother and sister in Christ.

It was first against God.

That's what David recognized in Psalm 51.

In Psalm 51, after he murdered a guy and slept with his wife, actually in the other order, he slept with his wife and then murdered him to cover it up.

In Psalm 51, he said, Against you and you alone have I sinned, oh God.

Really?

Bro, you slept with a woman man's wife and then killed that man.

But he knew before hurting anyone else, he broke God's law.

When you see that the sin against others is first sin against God, you'll humble yourself before God, and then you'll humble yourself before your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Not only that, as it says in Matthew chapter 5, if you have anger towards others, you shouldn't go be willing to offer something to God and worship.

Matthew 5 · chapter mention

You should go make things right and then come back.

The person who takes full ownership recognizes that their sin impacts their worship for God.

That if they're offering half-baked apologies to man, they're offering half-baked worship to God, and God doesn't want that.

No ifs, no buts, full ownership and humble confession.

Now I recognize um there are a lot of variables in broken relationships.

And even as I say these things and I'm challenging us to take full ownership, see our sin before God, and then some of you in your minds are might be thinking just like, yeah, but do you know what they did to me?

Do you know what they did to me?

You know what?

When hurt happens, it's rare that it's a one-way street.

The overwhelming majority of time there's hurt on both sides.

But don't let their stubbornness impact your obedience.

As far as it depends on you, the book of Romans says live at peace with all people.

Full ownership, humble confession.

If we miss this turn, we miss the destination.

Philemon and Onesimus represent the best case scenario.

And this next turn that they take, we must also take as well.

The first turn that we must take, crucial turn, is humble confession.

The second is this, it's found in verse 15 and 16.

Following the road to reconciliation means recognizing God's sovereignty.

Recognizing God's sovereignty in the hurt.

Verse 15, 16, get your eyes in the book while I read this.

It says this.

For this perhaps is why, so we're gonna get a reason.

Why he was parted from you for a little while, that you might have him back forever.

In what way?

No longer as a bondservant, but more than a bondservant as a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

Paul invites Philemon to have the faith to look beyond the hurt and to see God's good hand at work in the hurt.

Immediately you might be thinking, really?

God's good hand in the hurt?

Preacher, do you know how I've been hurt?

Do you know what my spouse did to me?

Do you know what my kids did to me?

Do you know what my coworker did to me?

How can you say this is good?

Paul invited uh Philemon to see God's good hand at work in this scenario through the result that followed.

Remember, the first relationship that needs reconciliation isn't our broken relationship with others, but our broken relationship with God.

And see, Onesimus, when he hurt his master, he didn't know God.

He left his master, but God allowed that to happen to lead Onesimus to Paul.

Then Paul was used by the Lord to lead Onesimus to Christ.

And then now Onesimus was no longer a slave where here's Master Philemon and here's Onesimus.

Now they are brothers in Christ and have unity into eternity.

The result that followed, temporary hurt, was eternal salvation.

Paul had the faith to see God's good hand at work in the hurt.

Loved ones, do you?

So I had a friend in university who was getting uh his piloting degree, and one time he asked me, Hey, do you want to go up and fly with me?

I need a lot of hours.

It'll probably go up like he went up in the air like, I don't know, almost every other day.

And he just needed people to go with him.

So I was like, okay.

So we went up in this like uh single engine prop, and it was a lot of fun.

It was a lot of fun until this one moment where he took the put these glasses on, except they weren't normal glasses, they were actually completely um opaque.

You could he could they were literally blinded him from seeing anything out the windows.

And I was like, bro, bro, bro, what are you doing?

Don't you need your eyes to see?

And he was like, no, look down here at the bottom of the glasses.

I can't see out the window, but I can see the instruments that are below me.

You see, if your pilot flying his plane to get from one city to another city only relies on line of sight, what happens when the clouds come?

Y'all are in a lot of danger if you can only see out the windows and it's like raining or something.

But if he relies on the instruments that see beyond the clouds, he can know where to go and let the plane fly smoothly.

Paul had the faith to see God's hand in the hurt.

This is so crucial, friends.

Especially when hurt is happening, we must walk by faith and not by sight.

Faith is the capability to see the world the way God sees it.

Faith trusts that God's word is true and does what it says, even if I don't feel that way, because God promises a good result.

Paul invited Philemon to have faith and recognize God's sovereignty.

Do you?

And there's a lot of reasons that we lack faith.

And there's a lot of reasons that we don't see God's goodness.

Maybe you lack faith because the hurt is so painful, you just don't know what to believe.

Maybe you lack faith and you doubt because you're the hurt is so painful, you just feel like shredded apart, like a lion shreds apart its prey.

You're so broken, you just don't think you can.

Don't have the how it's so hur it takes so much work to believe that God is good.

Maybe some of you lack faith and doubt because you've let the hurt harden your heart, and now you're resentful, and now you're stubborn.

In any of those cases, the worst case scenario that can creep up in us, just crept up in my heart, and maybe creeping in your heart today, or maybe firmly rooted in your heart today.

Worst case scenario is bitterness.

Bitterness is drinking poison yourself and hoping that someone else will get sick.

Listen to this verse in the book of Hebrews.

Be warned about bitterness.

Hebrews 12, 14 to 15.

Strive for peace with everyone and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

See to it that no one obtains the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up.

And what does it do when bitterness springs up?

Springs up and causes trouble.

Causes trouble and by it many become defiled.

See, your bitterness doesn't just affect you, it affects those around you.

We need to have faith.

But some of you might say, how, how can I have faith?

How can I have faith when I'm shredded apart, when I'm so discouraged, when I'm so angry?

Faith is the capability to see the world the way God sees it.

Faith trusts that God's word is true.

Be encouraged by this word, friends.

Romans chapter 8 says, and we know that for those who love God, do you love God?

Romans 8 · chapter mention

We know that for those who love God, all things work together for good.

For those who are called according to his purposes, for those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of God in order that they might be the firstborn among many brothers, and those whom he predestined, he called, and those who he called, he justified, and those who he justified, he glorified.

If you can't see God's goodness now, look to eternity and believe, brothers and sisters in Christ, God is good because your eternity is secure.

But you might say, I know, I know, I know that one, Jason.

That's what everyone says to me, Romans chapter 8, I know that one.

Romans 8 · chapter mention

But how can I have hope for the eternity when I'm in so much pain now?

How about this one?

Romans, excuse me, Psalm 23, verse 6.

Psalms 23:6

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and then I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Yes, dwelling in the house of the Lord forever, but goodness and mercy following you every day.

Now, back in Jesus' time, there were no sheep dogs that shepherds had.

But if our Lord was a modern day shepherd, maybe he would have sheep dogs, and their names would be mercy and goodness, following the flock around every day of our life, leading us into green pastures every day.

God's mercy, God's goodness is following you.

And I know the pain is hard, and I know it's work to believe, but take hope with the psalmist.

See, the psalms allow us to have, they allow us to feel pain.

They allow us to feel sorrow.

It's not wrong to feel that way, but they invite us to lift our souls and our eyes up to Christ.

Psalm 27, 13 and 14.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of God in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord.

Be strong and let your heart take courage.

Wait for the Lord.

Have faith.

Trust God in the hurt.

Even if you don't see it, He is good.

But faith will enable you to look up beyond the clouds, and up beyond the clouds, the sun is always shining.

These are the first two turns we must take, or we're gonna miss the destination.

Following the road to reconciliation requires humble confession, it recognizes God's sovereignty, and finally, following the road to reconciliation resolves any wrongdoing.

Following the road to reconciliation resolves any wrongdoing.

Resolution is the last act that brings everything to a close and finally mends the broken relationship.

Though your relationship might have been torn in two pieces like fabric, it weaves it back together.

Seamlessly.

Do you want that?

Okay, let's first understand the resolution that happened in Philemon and Onesimus circumstance.

Then we'll consider ours, okay?

Because we can't think of anything that we must do.

We can't consider what the Bible means to us first, unless we understand first what the Bible meant to the first people who read it.

Let's understand this, then we'll apply it.

Alright?

So verse 17 to verse 20, here's the resolution Philemon and Onesimus had to take.

Verse 17.

So, Paul's saying, if you, Philemon, consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me.

If he has wronged you at all or owes you anything, charge that to my account.

I, Paul, write this with my own hand, I will repay it.

To say nothing of your owing me, even your own self.

Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord, refresh my heart in Christ.

There's two conditions that Paul told Philemon needed to happen for resolution to take place.

Here's the first condition.

Write this down if you're taking notes.

If Paul considered uh Philemon consult, excuse me, if Philemon considered Paul a partner, then he should receive Onesimus in the same way that he received Paul.

Resolving any wrongdoing means this.

This is the thing you should write down.

Receiving the one you hurt without reserve.

Receiving the one who hurt you without reserve.

Some of the most beloved pro athletes are, I've found, those who stay with their club for their entire career.

One of my favorite hockey players growing up is Shane Doan.

Shane Doan.

Shane Doan was uh drafted by the Winnipeg Jets back when they were in Winnipeg, went with the Jets to Phoenix, became the captain, and was there for like, I don't know, 19, 20 plus years.

Um how about Derek Jeter?

Derek Jeter stayed with the Yankees whole career.

Kobe Bryant, drafted by one team, traded to the Lakers, stayed with his Lakers the whole career.

Now, whether you like them or not, because they were uh they played good against our team, we respected them because of the success that they had and the loyalty they had for their team.

Now, this request that Paul asks of Philemon, receive him back, the one who hurt you, receive the one who hurt you back like you would receive me, would kind of be like Kobe Bryant telling all of the Lakers fans, hey, the kid we just drafted this year, cheer for him as you would cheer for me, even though his dad's kind of a jerk.

It'd be like Derek Jeter telling the Yankees, cheer for that new draft pick the way you cheer for me.

Resolving any wrongdoing means receiving the one who hurt you without reserve.

That's not only mending the relationship back together, that's strengthening it.

That's bringing it to a place that it wasn't before.

That's the first condition.

Here's the second one.

Resolving any wrongdoing means this repaying the wrongdoing in full.

In Ornesimus' case, he like, he stole something.

And the Bible's very clear a thing stolen should be repaid in full.

Exodus 22, 1 to 4, Proverbs 6, 30 to 31, Matthew 5, 25 to 26 all agree with that.

A thing stolen should be repaid in full.

And Paul understood this.

Yet apparently Onesimus didn't have enough to pay it back.

So Paul told Philemon, charge it to my account.

I'll pay it back for him.

Resolving any wrongdoing means receiving the one who hurt you without reserve and repaying in full.

Okay, so now we get their scenario and the conditions they had to do for resolution.

Now let's look at us, all right?

I think each of us here might find themselves in one of three specific scenarios.

Last week we saw that you could have been in one of three specific scenarios in relationship to hurt.

Um, either hurt has happened, but it's resolved in the past.

For everyone, hurt will happen.

If you're naive to think about otherwise, you'll probably church hop your whole life.

We're gonna hurt each other.

Hurt happens, but resolution is right.

Reconciliation is right.

Hurt has happened, hurt will happen.

Some of you might be in the hurt is happening.

Now, each of us may be able to play different roles, different parts to help bring reconciliation and lead people or walk yourself to that final destination.

Some of you, like Paul, rather than sitting on the bench knowing that there's hurt happening and just hoping that something will happen, maybe you've been praying that something will happen, maybe like Paul, you should be mediating reconciliation between two other people.

Paul was uniquely positioned to mediate this reconciliation.

Good relationship with Philemon, good relationship with Onesimus.

Maybe you have two close Christian friends in your life, and you've been praying for them to reconcile for a long time.

Maybe the Lord wants to use you to answer the prayers that you're praying.

And friends, if that's you and you see something where you could step in, let me encourage you.

You may you be uniquely positioned to mediate this reconciliation just as Jesus himself was uniquely positioned to mediate our reconciliation back to God.

Jesus was fully God and fully man.

He could uh he understands the temptations that we go through, yet he stood firm.

He's also God and he's able to fully forgive sin.

You can do a beautiful Christ-like act and bring two people together.

How can you do it?

Do it gently, do it prayerfully, do it boldly, do it lovingly and hold out the gospel as the reason why.

Sit back not on the benches any longer, stand up for the sake of the gospel unity and bring those friends together.

Um, others of you, uh, it's your turn to offer a genuine apology.

You might have been hurt, but you also know that you have some stock in it too, and you've hurt others.

And it's time to stay, stand up, and take that first turn.

Offer a genuine apology.

You need to offer the apology, not half baked, and then you need to resolve the wrongdoing.

How?

What how should I resolve it?

I think Zacchaeus is a really good example.

Y'all know that guy, right?

Two things people often know about him.

He's short, he climbed a tree, right?

And he climbed that tree because the Lord he wanted to see, like we sing in that old song that you might have sang when you were a kid.

But he climbed that tree because he wanted to see Jesus, and everyone hated Zacchaeus because uh the Roman government told him take uh so and such such and such amount from people for taxes, but then he took like way above that and pocketed it.

And everybody knew it, and they hated him.

And then he saw Jesus, and he recognized what he did was wrong.

And Zacchaeus said that anyone that he had defrauded, he would pay back four times.

Man, imagine if a tax auditor from the CRA who was doing this stepped out and be like, man, I've like everyone in New Market and in this York region area, like 15% of all these people I've pocketed.

I'm gonna pay back four times.

Well, that is a lot of money.

And maybe some of us feel like we need that sometimes.

That's the evidence that you're really willing to offer the humble confession.

You'll do anything and more to make it right.

Don't be fearful.

If you recognize that your hurt was first against God and then against others, you'll gladly do it.

But then there's some other people I want to talk to.

Those of you who've been hurt, I think most of the church in the hurt, a church, excuse me, most most of the hurt in the church, it's not financial.

What if someone took something from you that can't be repaid?

Years off your life, time with your kids, the joy that you once had.

What if they've taken something that can't be repaid?

Whether it's money or possessions or emotions, maybe use your reputation.

Friends, it's really important to notice the order of resolution.

First, Paul told Philemon, receive him back.

Then he said restitution would be given.

Receiving a brother back precedes restitution.

Some of you might have grown up in a church tradition where they actually flip that backwards.

Where they're actually like, oh, you want to be forgiven?

Um K.

Here's this beaded necklace.

Uh count the beads and recite these chants to dead people.

Then you'll be forgiven.

Some of you grew up in a tradition where you need to do the restitution first, and then you'd be received.

That is not the gospel.

Grace will forgive any debt.

What can we repay to God?

We have profaned his holy, eternal name.

We have sinned against his perfect law.

What could we give to offer forgiveness?

Nothing.

If someone's hurt you and they can't pay it back, receive them as Christ received you.

Forgive as Christ forgave us.

And if you're listening to me now and you're like aching for someone to come to you and give you their apology, you're wanting, they gotta come and ask for, give, give me their apology.

They, I gotta, I wanna give, we gotta resolve this because they hurt me.

Listen, if you're so concerned about your thing and you've never thought about your thing with God, that's the first thing that needs to be reconciled.

If you've never turned from your sins and believed in the Lord Jesus Christ alone for your salvation, you're not reconciled with God.

But if you would admit to God that you've broken his law, and the Bible says all have sinned and fallen short of his glory, and you might know that Bible verse because your mom and dad told it to you since you're a kid, but you're still following your sinful ways and only getting your hands back in the air and listening to God's word on Sundays and don't care about it the rest of the week.

Maybe you've never repented.

Repentance precedes belief.

Repentance is a change of mind.

If you're concerned about your thing with someone else and not concerned about your thing with God, turn from your sin and believe in Jesus today, and you will be forgiven.

And grace will wipe away all of your debts.

Grace will put your wretched, filthy rags which you are clothed with from birth, throw them in the trash and give you righteous robes.

And before God you will be beloved and not alienated.

And then we can forgive others as we have been forgiven.

Which of those scenarios are you in today?

Can you mediate a relationship?

Do you have to go off for apology?

Or do you need to receive someone and forgive them?

Don't linger any longer.

Don't let bitterness grip your heart any longer.

Stop drinking the poison.

Hurt happens, but reconciliation is right.

Last week we asked an important question that preceded the reasons by which we should want to reconcile.

Some of you may not have been here last week, but for the sake of all of us, let's ask that question again.

What kind of church do you want to be a part of?

What kind of church do you want to be a part of?

I want to be a part of a church that reconciles because the gospel says that it's always right.

I want to be a part of a church that is willing to reconcile so that the highest Christian virtue, love, would prevail and that we wouldn't falter into lovelessness.

I want to be a part of a church that believes that every part of the body of Christ is useful.

So I will reconcile rather than pushing you off in unforgiveness thinking that you're useless.

If we understand these simple reasons and we have the heart for the church that Christ has for his church, then we will follow the road.

Following the road to reconciliation requires confession of sin.

It recognizes God's sovereignty, he's good even in the hurt, and it resolves any and all wrongdoing.

So where are you today in the hurt timeline?

Hurt has happened, it's in the past.

Be sure hurt will happen.

Maybe it's hurt is happening.

All we hold out to you is the gospel as our foundation to be reconciled.

And then through this unity, let your faith and your work be used of the Lord to glorify his name, to unite us together as one, in the same unity that the Father has with the Son, and thereby a united church will be an effective church that will see God's glory shine in this city and is saving power to your friends and your family and your schoolmates and your neighbors.

But how can we be that?

How can we shine that way if we will not follow the road?

Let us pick up our cross and walk down that road today for the sake of the gospel and the glory of God.