Authentic_Family

Last week we talked about two things that we cannot forget, regardless of how far we go, what we do.

The two things that we cannot forget was that one, we are a... we have to keep this focal.

That one, we are a restored community of disciples.

You heard what's her name mention it when she was talking about her friend.

So, restored community of disciples.

And the second thing we said we cannot lose focus on is that we are an authentic family of sacrificial love.

These two are in the very nature of what Christ is building in terms of his church.

And so, regardless of what we become, how big, how small, how true, how strong, how weak, whatever we become,

we got to come back to this focal point that one, we are a restored community of disciples

and two, that we are an authentic family of sacrificial love.

We talked about this last week.

And then Shaleen came and asked a question.

I really didn't plan on teaching on this.

But then she came and asked a question saying, so what does an authentic family look like?

So then that became a problem because I couldn't give her an answer then.

So I decided that you might as well suffer for her question.

So we shall suffer together.

And if you don't like this message, you know who to blame.

If you like this message, you know who to commend.

Yeah.

So the first scripture I want to...

So what does authentic family look like?

And as much as analogies are good to give you an idea of what authentic families look like,

analogies can sometimes be hidden, sometimes be true, sometimes have different motives.

So why not look at what the Bible says in terms of what authentic family should look like from God's perspective.

So one of the scriptures I want you to look at is 1 Timothy 3.15.

Because this was a priority in Paul's mind too, 1 Timothy 3.15.

And if you read it from the NIRV, I'm reading it.

I'm going to read it from the NIRV.

You can read it from the NIRV. It doesn't matter.

But here's what Paul says to Timothy, 1 Timothy 3.15.

1 Timothy 3.15.

And here's what he says.

He says, I'm writing you these instructions so that if I'm delayed or if I have to put off my visit

or if I'm delayed, depending on the version you're reading, you will know how you should act in God's...

Depending on the version, it says God's household.

But in the NIRV, which is why I chose it, it says you will know how to behave in God's family.

Beautiful, eh?

He says, listen, I'm writing to you, Timothy, because I have things to tell you.

Besides stirring you up because you've been a little timid of late.

But that aside, given that I've left you at Ephesus, I want to tell you a few other things.

And some of the instructions I want to leave you will give you an idea of how one should conduct oneself in God's family.

And then he says, the household or the family of God, what is it?

And then he takes it from there and he says in the rest of the words,

the family of God or the household of God is the church of the living God.

And then he goes on to say, it is the pillar and as in the family of God or the household of God or the church of God

is the pillar and the foundation of truth.

See how he weaves it, eh?

First he says, I've got instructions to give you.

And then he says, here are the instructions.

And these instructions are to do with conduct in God's family or God's household.

Then he goes on to say, hey, by the way, God's family is the church of the living God.

And so this family or household or church that I'm talking about and giving you instructions for is the pillar and the foundation of truth.

So the standard of God's family, if you had to have a standard, this is how I would define it.

The standard of God's family is relational order and conduct.

Relational order and conduct rooted in, held together, rooted in, held together and built up in love.

That's how we set the standard.

The standard for the family of God is relational order and conduct.

Relational order and conduct.

How does this family, so what are we, again, let's go back to the question that Shalini asked.

What is an authentic family?

So now we're trying to discover what an authentic family is from the word.

And so we begin with this premise that God thinks that we are the family of God.

He actually thinks we are his family.

And then he goes on to say, this family or household is also the church.

And then he goes on to say, this family or household or church is the foundation and the pillar of truth.

But he starts with this idea of, oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you that you guys are my family.

And having said that we are his family, he says there are certain instructions for the way we conduct ourselves as a family.

And then he goes on to say, and so what is the standard?

The standard is relational order and conduct.

All order within the family must be relational.

All conduct within the family must be relational.

This way and horizontally.

And it must be rooted in, held together, and built up in love.

It must be rooted in, held together, and built up in love.

It must be rooted in, held together, and built up in love.

So imagine you and your really large family sitting around a dining table and then dessert in the den around Netflix.

Because God does both, eh?

There's no secular and sacred in God.

There is no fun time and serious time in God.

That's what we make out of it.

Watching Netflix is as interesting to God as sitting together and talking about him.

As long as what you watch on Netflix falls within the Philippians 4-8 category.

So any questions on that before we go on?

Okay, if you have no questions, then the initial responsibility in every family falls on the head of the family.

And in this, God has been exemplary as a model.

The Godhead has been exemplary in modeling what a family should look like.

Because he's done everything in a way that roots in, holds together, and builds up in love.

So he's been exemplary.

That's great. But now it falls on us.

So the initial responsibility in any family then lies next with the pastor, with the leaders, with the elders, with those who are mature.

And as they example the biblical model, that becomes the standard.

As they example the biblical model, that becomes the standard.

So if I am supposed to tell you to be an authentic family of sacrificial love,

then it is demanded of me, the leaders, the elders, if you have elders, and the ones that are mature,

to now example what an authentic family of sacrificial love looks.

Because that becomes the biblical model and the standard by which you must judge me, judge the leaders, judge the elders, judge those that are mature.

And then this goes on from generation to generation.

Which is why we often end up with some baggage from our past.

Because most of our families at some point were dysfunctional.

And we are a product of that, whether we like it or not.

What if we could construct something that is relational in order and conduct and is rooted in hell together and built up in love?

What if we did this?

And to do that, we'll just look at the household texts.

These texts are actually called household texts, which were written by Paul to the Thessalonians and to Timothy,

where he talks about how does one conduct oneself in the family of God.

So the idea of the family of God is not something I discovered or I came up with or chat discovered or chat came up with.

God actually uses the word family.

Only in those days, instead of the word family, they use the word household.

Since that's an archaic word in our language, let's just say family.

And look at what he's saying.

How you should conduct yourself in God's family, which is the church of the living God, which is the pillar and foundation of truth.

Critical, 1 Timothy 3.15.

This is how he thinks.

Any questions?

So we look at the household texts of Thessalonians.

First Thessalonians, then we look at 1 Timothy, and then we'll add some verses from 2 Corinthians.

Any questions?

Okay, so if you want to turn to 1 Thessalonians, and we'll start in chapter 2.

Just look at scripture verses and draw some principles from them.

This is the standard you must use to judge me, judge leaders, judge elders, and judge those that are mature in the church.

This is the standard because the initial responsibility in any family lies with the head.

God has done an exemplary job.

Now it's our turn to do an exemplary job so that it continues from generation to generation.

So let's go to 1 Thessalonians 2, and we'll work through some of the verses there.

1 Thessalonians 2, verse 5.

1 Thessalonians 2:5

Sorry, 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 5.

1 Thessalonians 2:5

So one of the first things if you want to build an authentic family is that you can't, as leaders, as a pastor or a leader,

or as an elder or someone who's mature, you can't have impure motives, flattery, or gain.

Okay, so 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 5.

1 Thessalonians 2:5

I'm reading from different versions.

It says, You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed.

God is our witness.

We were not looking for praise from men, nor from you or anyone else.

Some other versions say, For the appeal we make doesn't spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you.

We never used flattery, nor did we put a mask to cover up greed.

God is our witness.

So the first thing is, in this authentic family, there is no room for impure motive, greed,

trickery, flattery.

Because in a family, we don't do that to mother's, father's, children's, younger brother's, younger sister's.

And so anything that we don't do in our family actually came from this idea that God had about how family should be conducted.

So that's the first one.

No impure motive, no greed, no trickery, no flattery.

Any questions?

So if I use any of these with you, or if any of the leaders uses impure motives, greed, trickery, or flattery,

then in a sense we are hollowing out or undermining the family of God.

One must do it with sufficient fear, because this is the family of God.

It's not your family first.

It is his family and then our family, because he is the father.

Second, 1 Thessalonians 2.7.

As apostles of Christ, we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you like a mother caring for her little children.

Gentle among you like a mother.

The word gentle is actually tender nurture.

I read two pages on the word gentle at Christ.

I couldn't believe someone would spend two pages explaining that Greek word.

It's tender nurture given by a nursing mother to her children.

This then becomes a standard where God has to do this with us,

and then we have to do this with our children.

This then becomes a standard where God has to do this with us, and we have to do it with people.

So how do you judge then whether we are a family?

There is tender nurture. It's not one-sided.

We'll see how he is a father too, but this is an essential part of him.

And therefore this must be an essential part of my leadership.

It should be an essential part of elders, matures, elders, leaders in the church.

That there'll be a tender nurture in the way one takes care of the family.

So now if we have analogies, the analogies should fit this.

Because we are setting down what God says in the household texts to Timothy and to the Thessalonians,

that this is how we want to go about stuff.

The third one is, first Thessalonians 2.8.

And it says that,

Because you had become so dear to us.

Who writes like this, man?

Who says stuff like this? Other than your own dad or mom?

But this is the standard expected of us.

This is the standard expected of me.

That because I love you so much, I delight to share not only the word, but my life with you,

because you have become very special to me.

What a beautiful standard to set, eh?

So the third one then, inner family.

And this would be normal for most families that even when they are dysfunctional, have loving parents.

It's very natural for this to happen.

Even when they are dysfunctional.

Because sometimes the dysfunctionality is in the marriage, not in the parenting.

So, we delight, you have become so special.

You have become so special.

That I would like to share not just the word, but my life.

With you.

What a standard, eh?

I was reading this and I was thinking to myself, my godfather.

There's so much progress made and there's such a long way to go.

Any questions?

Next one.

In an authentic family, relationships and the ways of dealing with each other are not contractual.

They are relational.

So in 1st Thessalonians 2.9, you see him saying,

Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship.

We worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you.

Or in other words, we didn't want to cause you any expense.

We didn't want to cause you any expense.

We didn't want to cause you any expense.

Let me take you to another word where Paul says in 1st Corinthians, I don't know where it is.

But here's what it says.

Children shouldn't have to look out for their parents.

Parents look out for the children.

And then it goes on to say, I'd be most happy to empty my pockets, even mortgage my life for your good.

It's in the message.

If someone can find out where that is, where the scripture is.

So my heart towards you or any leader in this church or any elder in this church or anyone who is mature in this church,

their heart towards you should be this.

That children don't take care of parents.

Parents look out for the children.

I'd be most happy to empty my pockets, even mortgage my life for your good, because we didn't want you to bear the expense.

That was Paul's attitude.

So that should be my heart towards you.

It can't be contractual.

It has to be relational.

Your heart towards the leaders should be in 1st Corinthians 9, 10 to 14.

So it's not one or the other.

My heart shouldn't go towards 1st Corinthians 9, 10 to 14.

My heart should stay with this.

While your heart should reflect 1st Corinthians 10, 9 to 14, because it's not either or.

It's both.

And in the process, both benefit.

1st Corinthians 9, 10 to 14, where it says, surely he says this for us, doesn't he?

Yes, this is written for us.

Because when the ploughman plows and the thresher threshes, they ought to do so in the hope of sharing in the harvest.

If we have sown spiritual seed among you, is it too much if we reap a material harvest from you?

If others have this right of support from you, shouldn't we have it all the more?

But we did not use this right.

On the contrary, we put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ.

Don't you know that those who work for the temple get their food from the temple, and those who serve at the altar share in what is offered on the altar?

In the same way, the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should receive their living from the gospel.

So that's one part.

And then there's a part of honoring.

So that's one side.

On the other side, as leaders, as matures, as elders, as one who is a pastor, I should remember this other side, where it says that I cannot put the burden of expense on you.

2nd Corinthians 12, 14, from the message.

That's where it says, children shouldn't have to look after their parents.

Parents look after their children.

I'd be most happy to empty my pockets, even mortgage my life for your good.

Any questions?

These are things we'll work towards, guys.

Any questions?

Okay, next one.

Pure and blameless life.

A pure, blameless life.

It's in 1st Thessalonians 2, 10.

1st Thessalonians 2, 10.

Hey, Emily.

1st Thessalonians 2, 10.

You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous, and blameless we were among you who believed.

Hey, how holy, righteous, and blameless we were towards those who believed.

This is in 1st Thessalonians 2, 10.

And so this is something you must demand of the leaders, and the leaders must meet the standard.

That there'll be a holy, righteous, blamelessness in our dealings.

Guys, there's a difference between sinlessness and blamelessness.

Because it's...

You should seek to live sin-free lives by embracing God's nature, which will allow you to live above reproach.

And that is a blameless life.

A sinless life is a life where there is absolutely no sin.

Almost impossible.

A blameless life is possible.

A blameless life is when you embrace God's nature.

And so you begin to live a life that is free of reproach and doesn't put stumbling blocks in people's path.

That's a blameless life.

And so when Paul is writing this, it's not that he's reached a place where he's sinless.

He's writing this from a place where he's saying,

Hey, my conduct before you has been blameless.

I have worked to live a holy, righteous, and blameless life.

And this should be an expectation that the church has.

Of its leaders, of me, of the elders and the olders.

Guys, perception matters, eh?

Perception matters.

The world is watching. Perception matters.

So in every area, commend yourself.

Commend yourself.

It doesn't matter that I may have a way that is part of who Jacob is.

I must then change that so that I can commend myself to you in the areas where I am a failure.

I remember long ago, and I'm going to take the liberty of saying this about Derek.

I remember when I first met Derek and Derek didn't have a job.

We would go driving around Vancouver.

And one of the things Derek would do is if you asked him a question,

he would not say anything negative. He would not say anything positive.

So he would stay in that safe, neutral grade where it was neither negative nor positive.

And so we had this talk about it and he said, but that's who I am, Jacob.

And then we had to begin to work on it so that if Derek didn't like something,

he would in the right way be able to say, No, Jacob, I don't want to come for this.

Or no, Jacob, I don't want to come for this meeting.

Because otherwise, anything I asked him, Derek would say yes to.

But just because that was his personality doesn't make it part of his nature.

Because I hear this said often that this is who I am.

No, man, there are so many negative things about me that in terms of who I am,

that if I don't change, you're done.

Commend yourself, commend yourself through conduct.

Through conduct. Next one.

If we have tender nurture given by mothers, we also have 1 Thessalonians 2.11

where it says, Strengthening Fathers, Charging Strengthening Fathers.

The word used there is actually charging and I'll get to that word.

Charging Strengthening Fathers.

The 1 Thessalonians 2.11 and here's how it reads.

We treated each of you as a father treats his own children.

We gave you hope and strength. We comforted you.

And then the actual word used is, We charged you to live in a way that is worthy of God.

And that word charged comes from the same word, martyr or witness.

Same word used there. I'm not even talking about some root word.

The word used there is that we literally demanded of you as fathers that you give witness to the truth.

So on one hand you have the tender nurture given by a nursing mother to her children.

On the other hand you have the strengthening of a father.

We treated each of you as a father treats his own children.

We gave you hope and strength. We comforted you.

We charged you to live in a way that is worthy of God.

Look at another scripture on 2 Corinthians 11.

2 Corinthians 11.

This is something that I pray if you're a leader you experience.

2 Corinthians 11 verse 28 onwards.

2 Corinthians 11:28

If you go above 28 to 27 that was Paul's experience.

But 28 and 29 is something that you and I can relate to.

So Paul just told them how he's been beaten, shipwrecked, whipped, all the things that don't happen to us.

And then verse 28 says this.

Besides everything else I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.

Who is weak and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin and I do not inwardly burn?

This is how I must carry you.

It's one thing to know the burden of dealing with people in different churches.

That I kind of know because I deal with it on a daily basis.

But there's other thing where he says who is weak and I do not feel weak?

Who is led into sin and I do not inwardly burn?

What standards eh?

This is how you and I, I mean as parents you would.

If your child went astray.

I mean I've seen pastors whose kids have gone astray and they have to preach and then they have to come back.

And I've seen them and their wives sitting and weeping for,

they're able to take care of a hundred youth that are doing really well.

But their son or daughter is walking astray.

And the pain they carry again and again and again.

This is the demand made of us.

And I'm, guys like I said before, I really don't believe that God makes leaders and followers.

I really don't believe that.

He makes us after his nature.

So he makes us leaders and servants, all of us.

Then he doesn't say you guys will be leaders, you guys will be followers.

That's not how he makes, he's made us in his own image.

Having made us in his own image, he then gives us different responsibilities.

And our domain increases based on our faithfulness.

Our giftedness works in different places.

If you're a carpenter, it's likely that you'll be my boss if we were making a table.

But if it came to preaching, it's likely that I may be your boss because I preach better than you.

He doesn't make leaders and followers, which then means that this one day can apply to anybody sitting here.

Not just to Jacob and a few leaders or a few matros or an older.

But this is the standard that we aspire to.

What a glorious standard.

Leaders and servants. He is a servant by nature, he is a master by nature.

He does both.

He does both. He's a master who is not a tyrant nor a benefact, not the kind of master who lords it over people.

But he's also a servant, it's very natural to him.

God by nature is a servant.

God by nature is a servant.

When Jesus wraps a towel around him and starts washing feet, it wasn't alien to him.

He wasn't doing something as a moral example. He was doing that which is natural.

Next one. First Thessalonians 2.19.

First Thessalonians 2.19.

This I've said to people and I know kind of what Paul is talking about.

First Thessalonians 2.19.

Where is Thessalonians?

He says that

He says that

He says that

Starting at 18.

For we wanted to come to you, certainly I, Paul, did again and again.

But Satan stopped us.

For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes?

Is it not you? Indeed you are our glory and joy.

Here's another way of looking at it.

What is our joy? When our Lord Jesus returns, what is the crown we will delight in?

Isn't it you? You are our pride and joy.

You are our pride and joy.

This happened some years ago and I remember just talking about this two days ago to Dano and Blessy.

We were in Chennai. We had just finished a meeting.

And Eddie and I were on this side of the road and they were on the other side and they were leaving.

And I ran across the road because I wanted to say to them that I don't have anybody like you.

Paul's words to Timothy, nobody who's running like you.

There is this thing where the ones you raise become your pride and joy.

And there are days when I can see you like that.

But for Paul this was a regular thing.

There are days when I can see him playing that I know some of the things that have happened in his life.

I think to myself gosh, pride and joy.

What standards they?

What standards they?

Restored community of disciples.

And we'll talk about that. The whole idea of restored we touched on briefly and then we left.

An authentic family of sacrificial love.

Pride and joy.

Guys, this is what you must expect of me.

I was going over this again and again and again.

Trying to measure myself based on this standard.

Sometimes coming up looking good.

Sometimes feeling sheepish.

Sometimes thinking, ah shucks.

I didn't even know this.

The next one is in first session.

I'm going to talk about the first session.

The next one is in first Thessalonians 3 verse 10.

1 Thessalonians 3:10

First Thessalonians 3, 10.

It says that night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.

So there is a supply of your lack of faith.

Or deficiency.

Supply of your lack or deficiency.

Which is something that I must do, leaders must do, matures and olders must do.

That oh God will you use me in Jane's life, in Sheldon's life, in Emily's life, in Betty's life, in Aaron's life, Reni's life.

To supply what is lacking.

Supply what is deficient.

And thought must go into that.

So that you know what to come with.

What brick, what mortar.

How to put it together.

What stone.

Sometimes you don't use bricks, you use stones.

How do we put this all together?

Spend hours asking.

Parents do that.

Like I told you.

I mean maybe all dads do this.

But when he did it I so disliked it and so appreciated it now.

When my dad would take me for walks so that I don't walk like this.

So that I lift my feet and walk.

Deficiency that needed to be corrected.

So what's the best way to correct it?

Spend a whole day working really hard in really hot weather.

And then come home and take your reluctant son for a long walk so that he learns how to lift his feet and walk instead of dragging them.

Hated every minute of it.

Loved him for doing it.

Any questions?

Just supply what is lacking in your faith.

And then when it comes to supply what is lacking in your faith.

One of the ways we avoid it is by not showing any area of lack.

If you do not, don't wear your deficiencies on your sleeve.

But threaten to, not threaten to.

Don't wear your deficiencies on your sleeve.

But be relatively open about them so somebody can help.

Next one.

Just when you think you've gotten somewhere with this whole thing.

1st Thessalonians chapter 3 verse 12.

It says there.

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else just as ours does for you.

See this is the advantage that Paul had.

When Paul is teaching or preaching, he's using himself as an example.

I had a mind when I was talking about this to take certain points and use my life as an example in terms of how I behave with you.

But I decided not to.

But Paul could say all these points that way.

That like we do, you do.

I want to get there.

I want the leaders here to get there.

I want the elders here to get there and the elders here to get there.

Because the two things we cannot lose out on in terms of building church is one that it's a restored community of true disciples.

And that's a whole other thing.

And the other the first one is authentic family of sacrificial love.

So just as ours does for you, Paul says, may your love increase and overflow for each other.

And for everyone else.

Guys, here's the odd thing.

Parents think that they have all the love they need for their children.

And that is it.

That they were born with love of that kind.

I want to let you parents know from a nonparent.

I mean, I don't have the expertise to talk about parenting.

But I know from a biblical standpoint, really, parents are born with love.

I don't have the expertise to talk about parenting.

But I know from a biblical standpoint, from a God's standpoint, that love for your children must increase and overflow.

You were not given a determined amount of love as a parent saying, here it is.

Now work with this.

There'll be days when you wish you didn't have kids.

But then there will be days when you must increase and overflow in your love.

For all the days that I am at Acts 29, I must increase and overflow in my love for you.

Increase and overflow.

I give you my word.

I will get here.

My word counts for nothing.

That's why I'm so easily giving it to you.

But I know that it is my deep desire.

Deep, deep desire that this happens and that God will have to say, hey, Jacob, you did what I asked you to.

Because there's no other way to build this, man.

And as the church grows, may there be more leaders who reflect this.

To its fullness.

To its fullness.

That's why I love the fact that he says, let it increase and overflow.

I wanted to get to a point where nobody in this church can say that, okay, maybe that's your experience with Jacob, but it isn't mine.

I don't want 70% of you to experience what Christ wants you to experience here on earth in his family.

I want everyone here to experience it.

From each other and from your leaders and definitely from me.

Thank God the bar is set so high.

Thank God the bar is set so high.

I'm reminded of James chapter 3, verse 1, as I teach this.

James 3:1

You don't have to go there unless you really want to be responsible for having read it.

Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.

If I'm saying this, then it becomes harder.

Not harder.

Can't just throw words around.

Next one.

First Thessalonians increase and overflow.

Sorry, increase and overflow.

Next one.

First Thessalonians 5.14.

Encourage, correct, and be a leader.

Correct.

Lift up.

It says that First Thessalonians 5, verse 14.

1 Thessalonians 5:14

And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle.

Some versions say disruptive.

Some other versions say unruly.

Warn or admonish those who are disruptive, unruly, idle.

Encourage the timid.

Help the weak.

Be patient with everyone.

Warn the unruly.

Encourage the disheartened.

Help the weak.

Be patient with everyone.

This is expected of me, of leaders, of elders, of olders.

By older, I mean, I don't mean how old your bones are.

I mean older as in you got grey hair of wisdom and you looked up to, well then,

you must have reason to be looked up to other than your grey hair.

Romans 14.1, if you read it from every version, it is pretty decent.

You can say, okay, I meet the requirement.

But if you read it from the message, it's really bothersome.

So which one do you want to read it from?

The message, okay.

Can someone read it from the message?

The message Romans 14.1.

I found it very palatable from the NIV, except the person who is weak in faith.

But now read it from the message.

I don't think the message is accurate.

We'll just go with the NIV.

Because it's so easy to do that, man.

Next one.

Then there's some very straightforward interrelational conduct that Paul prescribes for the church.

And it's very simple.

Then there's some very straightforward interrelational conduct that Paul prescribes for the church.

And it's in 1 Timothy 5.1.

1 Timothy 5.1.

That's just straightforward.

This is how you need to do things.

It says, do not rebuke an older man harshly.

Exhort him as if he were your father.

Treat younger men and brothers as brothers, older women as mothers,

younger women as sisters with absolute purity.

I remember when I was at the church that I used to work at before, this one.

There was one man who used to harass me for months on end for about two years

with really snide remarks that, well just keep cutting, keep cutting.

Every time he met, he would leave a question mark on my life with his questions.

And then I was leaving, and so I decided I've had enough.

And I really gave it to him in a board meeting.

I said, I've taken this from you for two years.

Everything I said was right.

And then I go home and I read the scripture.

And he was years older than me.

And now I had to write a letter to him.

And worse, I had to write the letter.

Diana's nodding her head.

Worse, I had to write a letter and write it to the board.

Because I had spoken harshly to this man in the presence of other board members.

And I had to say that I may have had a reason for saying what I said,

and it might be true, but the way I spoke to you is absolutely unbiblical

or whatever word I used.

Because it's very prescriptive here.

Do not rebuke an older man harshly.

Exhort him as if he were your father.

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers,

younger women as sisters with absolute purity.

And then he goes on to say, give proper recognition to widows in need,

servants, this is how you treat your masters,

masters, this is how you treat the servants.

This is why it's called household text.

This was, sorry.

Yeah.

I forgot you were on the board.

Thank you.

Yeah, thank you.

You're telling me this 15 years later.

Thank you though. I appreciate it.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm just kidding.

Thank you, Diana.

Yeah.

Any questions before we kind of begin to sum it up?

Boy, we are early today. What will we do?

Any questions?

Yes, I did.

If I didn't, I'll write you a letter of apology.

Don't worry. Or you can write one.

Anyways, guys, the next one is the pain of rebuke.

The pain of rebuke.

The pain of rebuke.

The pain of rebuke.

2 Corinthians chapter 2, verse 4.

2 Corinthians 2:4

2 Corinthians 2, 4.

You know, it's odd, eh?

Part of the reason I am overweight

is because every time my dad would discipline me,

he would take me out for ice cream.

So you can imagine the amount of discipline I got.

But every time he disciplined me,

he'd be okay about whacking me.

But after he whacks me, he'll ask me why I'm crying,

which I used to think was a really odd question.

Why are you crying?

I wanted to say to him,

just because of what you did to me just now.

But then as I would cry, he'd feel really bad.

And then once the tears were beginning to not roll down,

he would take me out for ice cream.

Or a dosa.

Depending on the extent of the crime,

the food offered was greater.

But there's this thing called the pain of rebuke, guys.

And it's beautiful.

It must be that way.

God puts it this way in Hebrews 12.

I have no pleasure in disciplining you.

And so in 2 Corinthians 2 verse 4,

2 Corinthians 2:4

For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart,

and with many tears,

not to grieve you,

but to let you know the depth of my love for you.

Here's how the message puts it.

As it turned out,

there was pain enough just in writing that letter

more tears than ink on the parchment.

But I didn't write it to cause pain.

I wrote it so you would know how much I care,

or more than care, how much I love you.

What a cool thing if you can be absolutely confident

that whenever Jacob corrects, rebukes, admonishes me,

that he will never do it with the intent of tearing me down or destroying me.

But he'll do it with sufficient pain later on,

with sufficient pain even coming to me because he's afraid of how I'll feel.

And then deliver what I have to say,

knowing that it's not because of care, it is because of love.

What if you could be confident of that?

Some of you are, but not all of you. Why?

Because perhaps I haven't conveyed it that way.

Beautiful standards to aspire to.

As a parent with your children,

as a house church leader, as elders, as matures,

this is what authentic families of sacrificial love.

This is sacrificial love.

Sacrificial love is not sacrificing stuff you have.

Sacrificial love is this kind of love.

We think sacrificial love is giving 80 out of 100 dollars that you possess.

That is great generosity, and yes, it's sacrificial.

But the nature of sacrificial love is this.

This kind of love is very, very hard.

Because you won't have 100 bucks to give every day,

but this you can have every day.

The pain of rebuke.

Go to 2 Corinthians 7, verse 8 and 9.

2 Corinthians 7:8

2 Corinthians 7, verse 8 and 9.

2 Corinthians 7:8

2 Corinthians 7, verse 8 and 9.

2 Corinthians 7:8

2 Corinthians 7, verse 8 and 9.

2 Corinthians 7:8

2 Corinthians 7, verse 8 and 9.

2 Corinthians 7:8

2 Corinthians 8 and 9.

I'll read it from the NIV, then I'll go to the message.

Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it.

Though I did regret it, I see that my letter hurt you,

but only for a little while.

Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry,

but because your sorrow has led you to repentance.

I'll just stick with the NIV. It says it well enough.

Sometimes it's the only way to deal with things, guys,

where you cause some sorrow, some pain.

That's the nature of authentic families.

But it is caused with such love.

And to get there, keep going there, keep going there, keep getting there.

Because families like this, people will yearn to be adopted into.

Families like this, God will yearn to graft people into.

Two more and we're done.

Next one is forgiving offense.

Forgiving offense.

Forgiving offense.

Forgiving offense.

Sure, things will be done in a family that hurt each other.

I've done stuff that hurt my mother, done stuff that hurt my sister.

They've done stuff that I pretended hurt me.

And so at the end of the day, there will be offense and hurt.

But here's what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 2 verses 7 to 11.

2 Corinthians 2:7–11

He says,

Don't think that I'm carrying around a list of personal grudges.

The fact is that I'm joining in with your forgiveness as Christ is with us, guiding us.

So there may be times where you will offend me or I will offend you.

But if I carry those personal grudges with me,

I begin to use that as a filter every time I see you.

Then this is not a healthy place for you.

Just think of that, eh?

You may have done something really offensive.

You may have done something deliberately disruptive.

But if that is a filter I am going to use every time you come to the church,

every time I give you a responsibility, every time I ask of you something,

if that is a filter I use, then this is such an unhealthy place for you

because now I have colored you forever in your stay here.

And that cannot be. We cannot be like that.

We cannot be like that. I must not be like that.

I must not be like that.

That's why it makes sense when Paul says,

don't think I am carrying around a list of personal grudges.

Let's go to 2 Corinthians 2, 7 to 11.

2 Corinthians 2, 7 to 11.

And he had reason to be upset with what had happened there

because someone was sleeping with his stepmother.

It could be the continuation of that story.

But here is what he says,

Now instead you ought to forgive and comfort him

so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.

I urge you therefore to reaffirm your love for him.

The reason I wrote to you was to see if you would stand the test

and be obedient in everything.

If you forgive anyone, I forgive him also.

And what I have forgiven, if there was anything to forgive,

I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake.

Beautifully, I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake.

And that should be my statement that, let's say, Sheldon has done something obnoxious.

I have forgiven, now that I think of it, there are three or four different things.

I have forgiven you in the sight of Christ for our sake

so that Satan does not take advantage.

Guys, the amount of hurt caused in churches to people is immense.

I told you about that book that, I know I've said it before,

but it's worth repeating just for the sake of whoever will hear this.

There's a book written by two Canadian authors.

It's called Let Us Pray, and it is spelled P-R-E-Y.

P-R-E-Y. Let Us Pray.

And it is for leaders and pastors.

And it all starts with me holding a grudge that filters,

becomes a filter through which I now see you for two, three, four, five years.

And it doesn't matter how much you have changed, how much God has forgiven,

how things have changed in sight. I refuse to see that.

And who's taking the advantage? Satan.

Any questions? I'm done. I'll just use one more scripture to wrap it up.

But any questions on all that we've said?

Go ahead, Nick.

1 Thessalonians 5.14.

Any questions, guys?

Okay.

Okay. I just want to end with, if this is what we are building,

if this is how God wants us to relate to each other,

if this is what authentic families should look like,

then I want to end with what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 6.

And he puts it this way. I'll read it out three times.

Please hear it before you read it.

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, or Acts 29ians.

So we have spoken freely to you and opened wide our hearts to you.

We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us.

As a fair exchange, I speak as to my children. Open wide your hearts also.

The point Paul is trying to make is, hey, listen, this is the standard I've set.

This is how I want to be. I'm opening my heart.

Now will you open your heart also so that an authentic family can be built?

Because if fathers open their hearts to their children

and children still refuse to open their hearts to the fathers,

then there's not much that can be done.

But if fathers open their hearts to the children,

the Bible says then the children will open their hearts to the fathers.

Paul is saying to the Corinthians that I've done this.

Why are you withholding yourself?

Why don't you open wide your heart so that what God wants to do may be achieved?

That's the note I want to end on. I'm reading twice more.

St Corinthians 6, 11-13.

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and have opened wide our hearts to you.

We are not withholding.

Guys, here's what I'm saying to you.

I intend to not withhold my affection from you.

I intend to aspire and at some point be able to reach this standard that Christ has set.

I intend you to hold me to it and occasionally ask me whether I am,

if you think I'm not treating you correctly based on this standard.

And if that can be done by me and then leaders and then elders and matures in this church,

then we can create what God wants because it is his family,

the Church of the Living God, the foundation of truth and pillar of truth.

So if that is the attitude that I come with,

if that is the attitude that Jeevan and Derek and May and Heidi have to operate in,

and Dan Owen, bless him, if that is the standard that is set,

then we have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you.

We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us.

I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying Paul is saying to the Corinthians.

As a fair exchange, I speak to you as to my children. Open wide your hearts also.

Why? Not because you want to reciprocate love,

but because before that, something much, much greater,

you want to build the family of God here on earth.

And secondly, you want to reciprocate love.

First, we do it because he is building something beautiful.

Second, we do it because it is natural to reciprocate love.

Any questions?

Thank God for these really high standards he wants for what he is building.

He must not settle for anything less.

This is what an authentic family of sacrificial love looks like.

The nature of sacrificial love is this.

The giving is just a small part of it.

Or driving someone to Surrey because you need to drop Don home is sacrificial.

But this is different.

Any questions?

Okay, let's pray.

Father, could you please show us how to pray?

Father, I'm just going to take some time, not because I finished early,

but because there needs to be a good response to this.

So Father, if any of the leaders of the family groups or house groups

or whatever you want to call them meet,

if any of them want to come and pray into this,

they are welcome to come up and pray into it, Father.

And then I'll end.

I have to find a term for those groups, Father,

that is absolutely comfortable for us and for you and for the world.