The Role of the Husband

Turn your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

This week, two weeks ago, I shared a picture talking about how people that give their life to fearing and watching the statutes and commands of the Lord live a long life.

And I put up a picture of Heather's grandfather, TJ Martin, Joe Martin, and he passed away this past week.

He went into heaven to see his Savior peacefully.

He knows and loves the Lord and has been a big impact on the life that she's had and our life.

And so I want you to pray for the family.

There is some opportunity.

We'll be leaving for the funeral this Wednesday at Crown College, Temple Baptist Church there in Knoxville.

So just pray for the family.

There's some people there that are going to hear the gospel that need to hear it.

And we want an opportunity to be an encouragement to family and loved ones.

So be in prayer for that.

But I know that Joe Martin entered heaven rejoicing to be perfect and healed and new.

And he got to see his wife, Carol, who he loves so dearly.

So praise God that to be absent from the body for the Christians to be present with the Lord.

So, amen.

Well, turn your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

We are studying a series called The Family Matters.

And today we're looking at the role of the husband.

I expected to hear a groan.

Very good.

Next week, ladies, we'll be talking about the wives.

And so I felt like I could not even begin to speak to wives next week unless I spoke to husbands first.

I had no place.

And y'all pray for me because I still feel like next week I have no place to talk to wives, but I'm going to try.

I found a couple of things by way of the internet this week that I thought were cute and I'd share with you.

Marriage, the internet says, is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that's too warm beside someone who's sleeping in a room that's too cold.

Raise your hand if this is true in your marriage.

Heather, yes.

A man said on the internet, before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet and find out what type of person they really are.

Y'all with me?

A lady said, in marriage, some mornings I wake up grouchy, and others I just let him sleep.

Some of y'all ladies, that's right there.

That's right there.

Well, I want to say this that I thank God for the men of the church at Chelsea Westover.

And I'm so happy that He's placed me in a church where I can look to men who are godly examples to me and my family.

Um I want to tell you, I'm for you.

And if there's anything I can do to help you as a husband, as a father, I want to do that.

And I hope to today through the message that you will take in and want to be a better husband, a godly man.

And uh, ladies, for you listening, how can I help my husband and make it easier for him to be a godly man?

Teenagers, how is my dad doing?

And what can be done to help him be a better godly man?

So as we listen to this, I want it to be something for everyone.

Let's pray.

Father, your word we're asking would just do its work.

Now there's nothing that man has to say, there's nothing I have to say that matters, uh, Lord, in any comparison to your word.

So I pray that as the word is spoken and preached, God, that you would use it to divide our hearts, help us to see what we need, what we need to learn, how we can grow, uh, and draw us closer to you through it.

We love you.

In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.

First thing this morning is this real men sacrifice, sacrifice for their wives.

Look at verse 25 in Ephesians 5.

It says, Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her.

Real men sacrifice for their wives.

When Heather and I got married, I thought what everyone did on Sunday afternoon as a male, and I thought every person what they did as a male was watch football.

I just thought that's what you did.

Married, not married, that's what you did.

And so I remember early on in marriage, I would go and sit on the couch and watch football, and after a few weeks, I noticed Heather was leaving the room.

I'm like, what are you doing?

This is what we're in America.

You watch football in the afternoon, and she would kind of slide out politely.

She wasn't mean about it or whatever.

But I came to learn that uh in marriage, that wasn't something that she was gonna always be into.

Uh, I found out also that um I thought that it was okay to play my PlayStation video games until midnight, the first few years of marriage.

And Heather, we get tired of hearing the names of basketball players that the announcer was announcing that score points.

And, you know, after a time, I kind of just sacrifice those things.

I know, big sacrifice.

Way to go, Pastor Rick.

Um, so that I could spend time with my wife.

Well, now, ladies, you'll like to hear this.

I go to places like Hobby Lobby, which let me tell you is a sacrifice, and I wear a smile.

I have gone to something, and I hope some of y'all have to go to this after I mention it.

I have gone to something called the cotton tail.

Anybody?

At the BJCC, this is a massive craft fair, and I'm one of the seven men that have arrived.

At Christmas time, it's called Christmas Village, and you can go back.

It's the same thing instead of bunnies, there's snowmen.

Okay?

And I've been to that.

Why?

Not because I like it, but I love that lady.

There's a picture.

I want you to see a picture of this sign, the it is well sign.

If y'all got that, pull that up.

So this stands above my couch, and to really appreciate, I wanted to bring it, but it's so heavy and big.

It's like six feet long.

And Heather, one year, at whatever, whichever one it was, cotton, I don't know, but she's like, I need this.

And I'm like, baby gets what baby wants, right?

You know, and so just to put a little backspin on it, I had some sort of, I can't remember what pain I was having, if it was my leg, I something was hurting.

And she's like, I want the sign.

I'm like, okay, we'll get the sign.

And I carry this thing from the BJCC to wherever my car was, which was not close, and I'm just walking, and you know, you look stupid carrying a six-foot it as well.

I'm gonna tell you something, it was not well, even though the sign said it.

I was not that well.

But I love that lady, and so she's pleased to have a sign above the couch that says it as well, then, you know, there's some sacrifices made.

Heather, she'll watch UFC with me.

She'll go to Red Sox games.

I know she really doesn't love it, but she loves me.

And so I want to publicly say about this relationship, I wouldn't trade it for one thing in this whole world.

There's not one thing that I could have more, that I desire more than Heather in my life as my wife.

And when I even try to consider sacrifice, it's hard because I'll be honest with you, she has sacrificed for 17 years to help me in ministry and been by my side.

And let me tell you, she has worked the ministry.

There's one pastor standing here, but there's two people in this ministry, and it's constant.

Um, but when I look at scripture, that's a sacrifice.

I'm called for me to be willing to give my life for her.

And I would.

Would you men give your life?

Real men sacrifice for their wives.

It says there in that scripture, husband, love your wives, Christ also loved the church, and he gave himself for her.

Letter A is this, you're an example of love to your wives.

Verse 25, and he gave himself.

Christ-like love is a road to Calvary's love.

The way that he loved the church was he took a road to Calvary, and it was there that Christ's back was whipped, that nails were placed through his hands and feet, thorns on his head, because he loved his bride, the church.

He wanted to please his father.

He was the head of all things who came to serve.

The scripture there says, just as or even as that word is cathos, even as Christ, even as, and that means in proportion to.

Hear me, that's a daunting phrase.

That even as you would miss it.

It's daunting to love your wife in proportion to the way Christ has loved you.

Because when I'm measuring out my love and my time to the way that Christ has loved me, man, I feel sometimes insignificant in proportion to the way Christ loved me.

Now we want to talk on the verse that says, you know, about submission and our headship, but this is the pre-clause.

In the contract, here's what it says wives, yes, submit, but first, husbands love in proportion to the way that Christ loved the church.

If you will love the way that Christ loved the church, the submission, there will be not one problem if you'll love in that manner.

He says, God loves you, and we're to love in the manner of that love, a Christ-like love.

A Romans 5.8 love.

You know what Romans 5.8 says, but God demonstrated his love towards us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

He didn't love us because we were lovely.

In fact, it was in our unloveliness that he came and he said, I will love you in this way.

Do we love like that?

You see, the word agapeo is a word that's for set.

It's a determination love.

It's an intentional choice.

I've chosen to love.

It's not all the feelings, it's not all the romance.

It's I've chosen and I'm determined, I will sacrifice my life.

It is my choice.

It's my determination.

Nothing is gonna break us.

The Romans 8.28 that says, and nothing can separate you from the love of God, not principality, power, ruler, darkness, not height, not depth, not any other thing can separate you from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And he says, it's a choice like that kind of choice.

Nothing is going to separate you, type of choice of love.

Nothing will break it.

It says in verse 25, he gave himself up for her.

You work hard, you care for her, you shelter, you protect her, you preserve her.

The same way Christ was to the church.

Well, Pastor, how do I, okay?

So, you know, I'll take a bullet for it, but how do I work that out daily?

Make it practical for me.

So, Pastor Dave preached on the five love languages.

I'm gonna hit just a minute on some of those love languages.

How do we make it practical?

Okay, in the daily, every day.

So, how do you sacrifice your needs and your wants and all the things so that she can feel loved?

Well, in the five love language, number one is words.

Shania Twain had some choice words about words.

She said, Any man of mine better be proud of me.

Even when I'm ugly, he still better love me.

And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black, he better say, Mmm, I like it like that.

Your words matter.

Your words.

Man, your wife needs your affirmation.

I know you might hear them at the workplace hear something, or you might hear them from your kids hear something.

She needs your particular words.

When she puts on a dress and you are her man, now hear me.

It's not fair to get used to her.

It's not fair to say, I've been looking at a dress for 20 years and I liked it the first time.

You know I like it.

You know I like the way that you look.

You know what?

She still needs your words.

Your words matter.

And if you say, she knows I like it, that's the wrong answer.

If they don't hear your words, let me tell you, if they're not spiritual enough, they may seek words elsewhere.

They need your words.

They need words.

And so, words of affirmation, the second love language, quality time for 17 years.

Heather and I have had a date day.

Friday is date day since I've been at the church at Chelsea Westover.

It used to be Monday.

And nothing apart from a death in the church will break date day.

I don't do anything.

I just won't.

There's been people asking me to move furniture.

I've been glad to say, sorry, I got a date.

Ain't doing it on date day.

Look, I love you and you're my friend, but you if you need me, you need me on Saturday.

Okay?

There's nothing that's gonna break that quality time.

Why is so needed and necessary for our marriage?

We're moving and going, and half the week we're each other, the parent of each other's children, and we don't get to be husband and wife because we're so busy doing all.

And so we have to have that quality time.

So make quality time matter.

If you don't have it in your schedule now, man, you need to pick a time and make it date time.

Okay, it has to happen.

Acts of service.

Now I gotta make an admission here.

I got now.

I'm telling you, this every week this stuff is hurting my feelings, and I'm having to change how I'm living in my week.

Okay, I'm just telling you, it's working on me first.

And I'll at home, stuff's happening because I'm reading, I'm going, ooh, not doing so hot there.

Um look, here's my admission.

I didn't do dishes for the first few years of marriage.

Okay, just being honest.

Some of you came into the marriage and you were good husbands.

You didn't even have to be taught.

I don't know what happened.

Okay.

I, growing up, the men only did the outside work in my house.

And so I knew how to mow the lawn, take out the trash, do stuff like this.

I didn't do a dish for a few years.

Well, somewhere along the line, it struck me that it would be helpful to do a dish.

I don't know how it came about, but now I live by this motto.

If you dirty them, I'll clean them.

And I try to do that.

I try to do the if she will cook, because I cannot cook, okay?

And look, ignorance is bliss, but I'm gonna stay probably ignorant because she cooks fantastic, okay?

But if you dirty them, I'll clean them.

Or the kids, I'll get the kids involved, okay?

But I can't cook, but I can clean.

I overheard some ladies one time talking about um that their men never made the bed.

And I gotta tell you, I don't like the process of making the bed.

I I it's tedious.

I hate the 17 decorative pillows.

What is that for?

I hate taking them off the bed at night.

I hate putting them back on.

I don't know why or who they're for.

Nobody else comes into our room but us.

I guess they're for her.

They're not for me, but I hate all I groan in my spirit.

But I love her, and I don't want her to say that I never try.

And I don't do it as much as she does.

But I, ever since I heard it, I made a point to try to make the bed, okay?

I see it sometimes and I know I sin.

I walk right by.

Mm-mm, not today.

No, she'll catch it.

Okay.

But here's the thing I don't do it like she does.

But when I do it, I know that I'm I'm doing an act of service.

And look, we both are on the bed, so it ain't like I'm doing it for her, really, you know, except she loves it.

Okay.

Um, what about laundry?

Woo! I hate laundry.

Laundry is never accomplished.

Can I get an amen, ladies?

I mow the lawn, and at least for a week it's accomplished.

It is done.

It might slowly come back, but it looks good for a week.

The laundry never is done.

Laundry is eternal.

I hate it.

But I happily sit and fold towels the particular way that Heather wants them folded.

Because it shows her love.

Gifts is the fourth love language.

Listen, your wife needs to know that you think about her.

That's what gifts is about.

Okay?

I know that you're married and you've got money, and you can go out and probably buy the things that you want to buy.

But listen, there are times where a thought makes somebody's day better.

And let me ask you, when she picks you up something, don't you feel good?

Don't you go, ah, you thought about me?

Awesome! Like that's how she feels too.

You took the time to think, and if she doesn't fit it and doesn't like it, okay, she takes it back with her.

But you thought about her.

You tried.

It felt good.

So gifts and physical affection.

Listen to me, man.

She needs your touch.

I don't care if it's a 40-year touch.

She needs your touch.

You better hold her.

When you go out, you still need to hold her hand.

You open her door, you walk her.

Just like words.

If you don't fulfill this, if she's not spiritual enough, she might look another place for fulfillment.

You don't want this.

You be that for her.

You be that.

If you don't do it, who will?

It's an example of love to her.

Let her be as this is an example of the Lord to the world.

Why don't you turn to Genesis 2.24?

They're in the beginning.

It's an example of the Lord to the world in Genesis 2.

Look at what it says.

Here's the picture.

Therefore, a man, doesn't say a woman there, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

It's a picture of the example of the Lord to the world.

Your marriage is a picture, and so as a husband, you're to be as close to your wife that the world can see this picture.

And here's a picture, some things that verify with that.

Jesus left eternity.

He traded all of heaven's glory to empty his flesh to come and give himself for us.

And so we leave our father and mother, man, and we become one with our wives.

You're not one with your mama, okay?

You're one with your wife.

You are one with her.

You're not one with your job.

You're not one with your hobby.

We're one with our wives.

And so Jesus left eternity.

There's a picture there.

In Jesus' sleep on the cross.

Listen to me.

The church was born from the blood and the water that was drawn from his side.

Adam was put to sleep, and out of the side of Adam came a woman named Eve.

It's a picture, even back to the garden, of how this marriage is a picture of Christ and his bride.

It's a picture.

I want you guys to look at this picture.

You know it, you've seen it.

They've got it back here of the Mona Lisa, right?

Now, look, this picture, everybody everywhere recognizes this picture.

And when I look at this picture, I know there's some artsy people in here that say the uh subtle undertones and the glowing colors that are visualized in her face reflect.

And when I look at it, I go, that's an ugly picture.

Okay?

Just being real.

When I look at Mona Lee's, there's some people here that you'll probably leave the church after this.

I cannot believe the indignant.

Like I look at, look, and and then it's it's subtle.

Look in her eyes.

What is she thinking?

I don't know.

I don't know.

When I look at it, I just see what I see.

But when you see this, everybody recognizes this picture.

And it takes them back to the artist, and it makes you think a lot of things.

A picture helps us learn.

A picture grabs our attention and inspires.

There's a quote: it A picture is worth a thousand words.

It reminds us of something.

When I think about growing up, my earliest memories, the earliest memories that I can conjure are connected with photos that I look back at.

And because I can look back at a photo from being two or three, I can remember what was going on in that moment at Christmas at that time.

Because of the picture, it helps me to remember.

And so I want you to understand, husbands and wives, what you are.

You're a snapshot of this marriage to the world, of Christ's love for his bride to the world.

Genesis 1.27 said, Man was made in the image of God.

He's a snapshot of the Creator and is to give an example through marriage of what Christ is to his bride.

Husbands, are you showing a glimpse of Christ to your wife?

Are you showing to your children a glimpse of Christ or not?

And so first we sacrifice, and the second thing is this real men are to steer their wives.

Look down at Ephesians 5, verse 23, and we're gonna look at 26 and 27.

Ephesians 5:23

Steer.

For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body.

Now down to verse 26.

That he might sanctify and cleanse her with a washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

Let me clarify the word here, the word that I'm using, steer.

The husband in Scripture here is the head of the wife.

Clarity, though, is found in verse 18.

I want you to see this.

And be not drunk with wine, and which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, full of the Holy Spirit.

This is the key for all of this text that follows.

People that are filled, and it could have been the title of the sermon, the spirit-filled husband.

And so a spirit-filled husband is to be the head.

The word there is kephael, and that means the source.

And the command that's given here, now don't miss this because a lot of people want to go back to that submission and say, well, tell me about the submission, but the command for men here is to love.

The command is, you can read through it, it doesn't say, you are to then be the authority.

It says the head's command is to love, not subjugate love, not demand, but love.

The command is agapeo, and that is sacrificially, intentionally love.

Yes, we are the head as Christ is the head of the church, and God the Father is the head of Christ.

But let me remind you, like the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding said, He is the head, but I am the neck.

Y'all verify with me what's going on there?

Right?

And so, husbands are called to steer, but it means that you'll go to any length to be sure needs are met.

Hear me, man.

Your authority cannot be exercised unless first your leadership falls under the lordship of Jesus Christ.

You're not any kind of role, you're not any kind of leading if you're not under the lordship of Jesus Christ.

It's your role as a husband.

That's what this headship is talking about.

It's a role.

You're at the same goal as husband and wife.

You're reaching forth to the same things for your family, for your kids, for your future.

You're reaching forth in your ministry, same goal, just a different role.

Not an unequal role, different.

Not better or worse, but different.

Both under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

It's a partnership.

And in verse 21, look at what it says.

We want to skip past this.

Verse 21 says, the the spirit-filled person, the spirit-filled Christian, hear this, submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Every Christian filled with the Spirit is willing to submit, sacrifice their time, sacrifice their for the betterment of someone else.

And so that we, Scripture says in another place that we prefer somebody above ourselves.

And so in marriage, it's a partnership.

This is the right order.

We're to submit in love and humility.

But listen, Paul challenged all people.

He said, men, women, all, to be filled with the life, transforming power of the Holy Spirit, and so being able to submit.

In order for there to be success in our marriage, we need a partnership, Church.

So how does Paul tell men then to steer?

Letter A is this in the reading of God's word.

Look at verse 26.

You know, Joshua 1.8 says, for any of us to have success, it's that we meditate on God's Word day and night.

Okay, day and night.

Don't miss it.

For us to have success, and so what he's saying here in verse 26, it says that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word.

Washing of the water of the word.

A person is cleansed from sin by the word of God.

A person is clean for living by the word of God.

And the Holy Spirit is symbolic of water.

And so a person that is cleansed is filling of the Holy Spirit.

Parents, let me ask you a question.

How many of you are okay if your child, after two or three days, says, you know what?

I don't want to take a bath.

And I'm not taking a bath.

And you're like, you're filthy.

You stink.

You're making my house stink.

You're not gonna lay on your bed with that filth.

I don't want to take a bath.

I'm not taking a bath.

I don't care.

I don't like it.

I just don't want to do that.

You say, I don't care.

You will be cleansed because you're in my house.

I don't want to brush my teeth.

Like, I don't care.

I don't want yellow teeth and stank breath running around my house.

You're gonna brush your teeth.

No, I don't want to brush my teeth.

You're not gonna bend and go, oh well, you know what?

I didn't know you were felt that strongly about it.

Okay.

No more brushing of the teeth in our home.

No, you do all that is needed as the leader of your household to make sure that they're clean.

Hear me, husbands.

It is the leader of the household's privilege, high privilege, and responsibility to number one, speak the word of God over his family.

Hear me.

Speak the word of God.

That means verbalize.

How, Pastor?

Well, one way is to clear some time and have family devotions.

Whether it be before bedtime, whether it's at breakfast time, but clearing time on your schedule that you can share this word to your wife and to your children.

Said by washing of the water of the word.

It's a calling for us to speak the word of God over our family.

Another way is by prayer, praying over our family, the word of God.

Let them hear it.

The model is in Deuteronomy chapter 6.

Deuteronomy 6 · chapter mention

We spoke about it a few weeks ago.

He says, On your way to a place, on your rising up, on your laying down, as you eat, whatever you're doing, you're teaching, walking, rising, bedtime.

By the washing of the word of God.

It's literally our duty to ensure that our wives hear us.

Men speak the word of God.

So well, I'm not called to be a pastor.

You're called to shepherd your wife.

This is another reason why memorizing scripture is so important.

Memorize the word so that when you're having a conversation, it can come right from your mouth.

Number two, it's also helpful that you ensure that your wife has the freedom in her schedule to spend time in God's word.

Ask this accountability question.

How has your time in the Word of God been?

You are to be her first accountability partner, man.

And be willing to hear it back.

And we both need to be in the Word of God.

When's the last time you asked your wife, how's your devotion time been, honey?

It's important that we allow time in her schedule.

Listen, this was difficult when our children were young.

Y'all, how many of you got young children?

Look, it's a circus, right?

And I remember for my wife to find time to read God's word was like every it was a chore for anybody to figure out how she found that space.

I mean, y'all know if you run to the bathroom, a child's gonna find you.

Mama, mama, mama, everything you do, they know.

It's like you go off somewhere quiet.

If you dare to fall, if I dare take a nap, still, my kids find me and they make a noise just loud enough.

They're like, ha ha ha ha, got him again.

And so, men, we make sure that she has an opportunity to be in the word of God.

What do you need to do as the leader?

You make sure that she can hear the word of God so that she can attend church.

Hearing the word of God.

You make sure that the schedule doesn't conflict.

She needs that filling, and you're the leader that helps see that to happen.

And so you make sure there's a way for her to attend church and Bible study so that she can be hearing the word of God.

Encourage her to serve God so that it fills her.

There's a lot of empty people all throughout this world.

And here's the thing: we get fulfilled by serving the person that we were created for.

And so, if you're here today and your wife isn't having an avenue of service, man, that's a conversation, honey.

What can I do to make sure that this happens?

What do I need to sacrifice?

There's that word, so that you can be able to serve God and be filled at your heart.

How can she read, study, serve?

These are important questions for husbands.

Your wife needs to be washed in the water of the word.

Let me tell you what this means secondly.

You need to be in the word, man.

It's not enough to be in the word for yourself, but as the head and the spiritual leader, you need to be in the word.

An honest assessment today.

How's your time in the word?

If we're not setting the tone, church, reading as families God's word, this church will fail.

We can do all this and we can have good music and we can try to motivate and we can have get-togethers, and we, but if the church, by and large, is not outside of this place on Sunday afternoon, spending time with God every day, getting in time with God, we're not gonna grow.

And an unhealthy church full of unhealthy sheep is not gonna produce a great church and a great environment.

And so it's on us.

The church will fail.

Your family will divide, our country will crumble.

It is that important.

And it's time for some men to stand up and speak up and shout, what is the truth?

Can somebody say amen to this?

It's high priority that they hear the word of God.

Letter B is this.

It's in righteous walking.

Look down at verse 27.

That he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

Without spot, that word spot is the Greek word spilos.

It's the word for sin or moral imperfection.

And so he says, without spot, and the word for wrinkle there is rootis, which is literally a wrinkle, as in the consequences, interesting, of sin, aging and becoming wrinkly came from that spilos.

And so he says, without spot or wrinkle.

And so the picture is of a garment that's presented without spot, without decay, without ruin.

And I was thinking over this one Christmas, I bought head.

Now listen, we well, we didn't have a whole lot, but I bought her what I thought was a nice present.

If y'all can picture with me, I bought her an all-white gap sweatsuit, head to toe, looking like a Christmas bunny.

It was beautiful, right?

And she put the whole thing on, and you know, if you got something new for Christmas, you put it on.

And she put it on, and we went over to our friend's house, and there I was standing next to her, looking at this vision, a snow angel right there, and I was pouring me some coffee.

Some of your husband's here, right?

Uh-oh.

And I missed my coffee cup because she was so beautiful and radiant and glowing.

Went all the way down, down her arm, down her leg, a big brown stain.

Whoo! If you could feel the heat coming from her face at that moment.

There we were with 50 guests at this place, and I got my snow bunny with a big brown stain.

It's awesome.

The pain that I was feeling from her stare.

Okay.

And so you know what I did?

I ran home.

I said, tell me what you need, baby.

I will go home.

I got her whatever outfit she needs.

I got back.

And uh, we got that thing right, but I remember this beautiful, spotless white.

And then it was spotted.

And it was never the same again.

She never wore it again.

Not one time.

Listen, men, it is our priority to present our brides before the bridegroom, before Christ.

And her spiritual walk is something that we answer before God.

We're the head, the lead of this house.

We answer before God.

If you have a godly wife, praise God and do all that you can do to keep it so that she is living that way.

Listen to me.

If she gets angry, speak the word.

If she's hurt, wipe her tears.

If she's struggling, listen.

This is our first calling.

Our first calling is not the place that signs your check.

Sometimes, one of the big issues that we have in this country, that's how we live, that our first calling is the place that signs our check.

Our first calling is that house.

God is not concerned with how much money you made for your bride.

So she could have a house full of stuff.

God's not concerned with how many vacations she took.

God is concerned with is she without spot or blemish before a holy God?

And you're the catalyst for her spiritual growth.

You're the first catalyst.

Man, your wife is the garden, and you're the gardener.

If you're not happy with the garden, we need to look at the gardener.

I know that's hard, trust me, but I'm living it.

A Christ like love does not cause you to sin.

Listen to me.

How are we loving our wives into purity?

I've said to the young people a lot of times and preaching to them, listen, a Christ-like love does not ask you to sin.

It doesn't want you to sin.

If someone says, I love you, and this is going to be a picture of that love, and I want you to do dot dot dot with me.

That is not love.

A Christ-like love does not cause someone to sin.

Love doesn't say I want to take purity from you.

That's not love.

In the marriage context, we seek the spiritual purity for our partner.

So, man, listen to me.

We don't expose our wife to crude things.

Whether it be movies, pictures, internet, crass things, dirty language, violent things.

We don't expose our wife to evil.

It says, by the washing of the water that we present her without spot.

True love does not subject to any type of evil.

And the third thing this morning is this: real men stir their wives.

Look down at verse 28.

Stir their wives.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

We are members of his body, of his flesh, and in his bone.

For this reason, a man leaves his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh.

It enables her advancement.

It says their husbands, it starts off, husbands ought to love.

They ought.

And that word ought is ophilio, which means to owe.

To be in a debt for.

We ought.

We are in owe.

Our marriage vow.

Your vow of husbandry was an unpayable debt that you will continually owe.

You ought to love.

You ought to love.

You have a continual payment.

It doesn't stop at some point and you say, Well, that was enough.

I've done enough.

I've served enough.

I've sacrificed enough.

We continually love her to enable her advancement.

I want you to turn over to 1 Peter chapter 3 real quick.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

1 Peter chapter 3.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

I want you to look at verse 7.

Husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding.

The way that we love, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Says, love her, love her.

We give grace to her.

We understand the physical limitations that you're to be a stronger vessel, you're to be there for her.

You're as the head, you're to be there to sacrifice all that you can to care for her.

It's a love that we ought to have.

Verse 28 says, Love her.

Listen to the example.

Love her like you love you.

We can all understand that, right?

Love her like I love me.

Now that I'm I'm tracking with that one because you know what?

I love me.

How many of you took care of your needs today?

Did you get dressed today?

Did anybody get up and go, I hate that shirt?

That's the one I'm gonna wear.

Hate those pants, they're uncomfortable.

That's the ones I'm gonna put on.

Ooh, those are ugly shoes, and that was your outfit.

Anybody?

No, right?

You got up and you put on what you liked.

Why?

Because you were taking care of you.

Nobody woke up and said, Ooh, I can't wait to give me something nasty to eat this morning for breakfast.

Something I don't like, something that smells.

No, you took care of your needs.

You did for you what you like.

And so he says, care for her needs the way that you take care of your needs.

Who combs your hair?

You do, hopefully.

Who eats your food?

You do.

Well, he says, everyone here takes care of themselves, so you take care of her.

You nourish.

Nourish.

A lot of men are like, nourish.

And that's the that's a mother's word.

Nourish and nurture.

That's what they do for the kids.

I'll provide.

Scripture says to nourish your wife.

Uses the same exact word in Ephesians 6:4 over there, bring your children up in the nurture.

Ephesians 6:4

That's the same word, nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Okay.

It's telling us that we are her nourishment.

To bring her up from where she is to a maturity.

That's what nourishment is.

To help to better, to help to grow.

According to Webster's, the word nourish says to provide the substance for growth.

Yes, you're providing in a financial means, but are you providing the substance for her to grow?

Nourish.

My dad, when I was growing up, he had a statement that I kind of couldn't wait to take on one day.

One day when I become the man of the house, this is gonna I'm I can't wait.

Well my dad used to say, if you said he did something wrong, he would say, I'll pay the bills.

And it was like the get out of jail free car.

I pay the bills.

Like, dad, uh, you shouldn't say that.

I pay the bills.

I say what I want to say.

Right?

And I like it.

I had a friend named Frank Sarmiento, and I like what Frank said.

Frank said, uh, for your kids, if your kids want to make a house rule, tell them if they want to make a house rule for one month, then they gotta pay a house note for one month.

I thought, okay, I can get down with that.

You pay the mortgage for one month, you get a house rule.

Okay.

And so, but my dad would say, I pay the bills.

I am the provider.

And we are to provide.

But you're providing much more.

You're providing spiritually, you're to provide emotionally, you're to provide intellectual growth, you're to provide socially.

You and I are to stir our wives.

Letter B is this, exemplifying his allegiance.

Look at verse 30 and 31.

For we are members of his body, his flesh and his bones, and we leave our father and mother to be joined to his wife.

Now, two become one, that's allegiance.

When two become one, that's allegiance.

He who loved his wife, it said, loved his self.

You don't hate yourself.

So you take care of yourself.

But Genesis 2, and right here, it says, Two are no longer separate.

When you get married, two become one.

There's no individual identity.

Listen to me.

A lot of people in this country today are struggling their marriage, are on the verge of divorce because of this right here.

It's two separate lives, and they're maintaining separation within a household when it's meant to be one.

We are one family.

It's not, you have your job, I have my job, you have your bank account, I have my bank account, you have your vacation, you have your two become one.

And I'm not saying all those things are bad things, but when you leave and cleave, it's for oneness, oneness of mind, oneness of heart, oneness of goals and values, oneness of spirit, oneness sexually.

This is why in Malachi 2, Scripture says in Malachi 2, verse 16, that God hates divorce.

Malachi 2:16

I know it happens, there's legitimate grounds scripturally for it, but it shatters the institution that God created for the continuance of family.

God loves this picture of family, his picture of love for his bride.

He says, if you don't care for your wife, you're not taking care of your own body.

That's what it says there.

If you don't take care of this union of you and your wife, you're fighting against yourself.

Because you are not just you, you are one.

A man who loves his wife shows his allegiance to God and shows a picture of God.