The Role of Children and Parents

Thank you for joining us on the CCW podcast.

Make sure you connect with us on social media to stay up to date on ministries and events happening at CCW.

We hope you're encouraged, inspired, and motivated by today's message.

To find out how to connect with us, keep listening after the message ends.

And a worship team, man, how timely.

We did I say we didn't plan that, but God has a way of planning things that we don't need to.

So uh that was right on.

Man.

This week was awesome.

The uh this weekend things were happening all over campus.

So, man, I'm thankful for all the people that have places and parts.

There was a youth lock-in that uh honestly I'm glad I wasn't a part of.

Um but they had one, and there were some sleepy eyes yesterday.

They were all over this campus, and then last night we had an awesome activity for the couples.

Uh, yeah, amen.

Dave and Amanda and family uh worked tirelessly to put on the love story, and it was awesome.

And so God is doing a lot on this campus.

We've been out visiting all week with folks, and I'm so glad that you're here today.

And I would be remiss if I didn't say today is 9-11, a day that we would never forget.

And uh, I'm so thankful today for the people who uh work in emergency services, the people in our church that are policemen and firemen and military and all of our emergency workers.

Thank you for what you do, and thank you for giving of yourself.

And uh today in our history that we we never will forget, that I'm thankful.

Um what I'm thankful about when I think about 9-11 is 9-12 and 9-13.

And I don't know if you remember riding around and seeing at gas stations and billboards the unity in America that came together because of our hurt.

And so I thank God, and God bless America was posted on places all over, and so I was never more encouraged to know our nation still knows where to stand.

And so thank God for that.

Well, we're continuing our study on the family matters this morning, and so Ephesians chapter 6.

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

Uh, I was reminded of a story this week.

There was a group of fathers in the waiting room at a hospital uh waiting for some expectant babies to be birthed, and while they were sitting there waiting, the first nurse came out and she shouted to one of the men in the waiting room, she said, It's twins.

And he said, That's amazing.

I am actually employed by the Minnesota Twins Organization.

Just as that man finished what he was saying, another nurse came out and exclaimed, Sir, triplets.

And he said, That's unbelievable.

I work for the 3M company, and he finished saying what he said, and a third nurse came out and she said, Sir, quadruplets.

And he said, What in the world?

I work for Four Seasons Hotel.

And just as he said that, a man over in the corner slipped out of his chair, fell to the floor, and hit his head.

Nurse ran over to him and said, Sir, what's the matter?

Are you okay?

And he said, I work for Seven Up Bottling Company.

Children are a blessing.

Can we give a hand clap for that?

Ephesians 6.

Children, I want to tell you, I'm so glad that you're here today.

This was by plan.

It's not an accident.

I wanted you to be here.

And so, parents, if you'll deal with my vacation Bible school self for a little while, that's how I'm gonna have to teach today because our kids are here.

Um, I want you to know it was by plan.

It would make no sense or very little sense for me to teach on how we are to have our role as children without the children.

So I wanted you here.

Okay, so children, I want you to know this.

When I was your age, this is what church was for me.

And if you look around, if there's anyone here with gray hair, it was probably church for them too.

They didn't have a children's church.

We came to church.

And so um, I want you to know that you can handle it.

Where's my kid?

If you're a child in here, would you raise your hand if you're fifth grade and under?

There's my people.

Yep, Anna.

I knew it.

Okay.

Good.

I love y'all.

Listen, though, I got I got a couple of things for you.

If that's you, I got my eye on you, that's number one.

Yeah.

All right.

This is what I need you to do.

I need you to sit up nice and tall.

Okay, I want to see what I call bug eyes.

Some of you adults need to hear this, by the way.

This ain't nap time.

And I want you to listen because um Pastor Eli told me that uh he would be willing to give a prize.

Okay, if you're very well behaved.

He doesn't know this yet, but if you're very well behaved, Pastor Eli is gonna provide ice cream from the ice cream truck during a wana this Wednesday.

Okay?

So you gotta behave very good.

And then uh he might provide some other prizes too.

We'll have to talk to him later.

Okay.

But this is what I want you to know, kids.

I'm gonna tell you the truth today.

And sometimes the truth is hard.

By the way, Satan hates it and he hates this series.

He wants to attack your family, but I want you to know a real friend will tell you the truth.

The Bible says the truth will set you free.

And so I want to tell you the truth this morning.

Let me pray.

Father, we pray for your word this morning.

We pray for our church, God.

I believe that the gospel can only go forth through Christian families.

And so, God, as we pray for our parents and here, God, vital is what they're doing with their children.

Vital is the role of every child in this church and for generations and generations to come, God.

We are living in a dark time, but the light shines brighter in the darkness.

And so, God, I pray for your truth to emanate into our kids, to our parents.

And Lord, help us when we leave this place to be changed.

We love you in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Ephesians chapter 6, verse 1 through 3.

Ephesians 6:1–3

Listen, it says, Children, obey your parents.

All my children here say obey.

Oh, you gotta do a little better than that.

All my children say obey.

Okay, very good.

And so it says, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

And then it says, honor, hear me, honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.

One man said society used to be patriarchal or matriarchal, but we have had a shift because of the demands of success and money.

By and large, today we have a child-centered culture.

Hear me, a child-centered culture.

Children are being raised by their peers, they're being raised by the media, they're being raised by electronics and sports, with adults working to give them everything they never ever had.

And Satan has deceptively infiltrated through this phrase I have to give them, Pastor, what I never had.

I have to afford my child every opportunity for sports and for clothing and for happiness.

I want you to hear me, parents.

I want to give you one word of utmost importance this morning.

More than any of that, here's your one word that they really need.

They need you.

They need you.

They need your time.

Um, early in ministry, actually early before I think about the time we were married, Heather and I made a decision.

It's not for everybody, but we made a decision that as long as we had children, she was not going to work full time.

Again, that's not for everybody.

But our idea was that she would be home when the kids were home.

And still to this day, when the kids go to school, when the kids come home, Heather is there.

She's involved in about every kind of school thing.

She's been a school mom, this, school mom, that, sports mom, I mean, she's it.

And so she's there constantly with the kids.

And it was a decision about a foundation.

Now, I want you to understand that decision has uh put us in some real tight times, especially early on.

You know what I'm saying?

Like a little too much month at the end of our money kind of times.

Some real tight.

We had to make some sacrifices, uh, but we forged a family on a foundation that that time is so important.

And God's plan, listen to me, church, since Eden was one man and one woman married, and if able, to have children.

Why?

So that then they could teach them about this godly heritage, and then it can continue.

And then Christianity continues.

It's so important, but it happens through the teaching of our children.

Well, how does it happen?

Alright, here we go.

Letter A this morning says a lesson about steps.

You have two duties, children.

One is obey.

Say obey.

Kids, you gotta do better, or you're not getting that ice cream.

I said, say obey.

That's better.

That's better.

The word obey is the Greek word hypocharo, and that means one who hears a knock at a door and listens.

Matthew 8, 27 gives the same word.

It says, What manner of man is this that even the wind and the waves hypocharoo?

The wind and the waves obey this man.

The wind and the waves are, we used this the other week.

The word submit has the same starting, the hippo, and it means to arrange under.

Obey means to arrange yourself under.

Kids, obey.

Means to arrange myself under.

And it means to do so immediately.

Weston sometimes will start playing basketball, and the ball will roll down the hill, uh, which we live on a hill, and it'll go down in the street, and I'll say to him, Weston, stop.

How quickly do you think he should obey in that moment?

Immediately.

Obedience is immediately.

Hear me.

If Weston runs out in the road and decides, my dad said obey 30 seconds ago, that can be too late.

You understand?

I'm before him giving him a command that I need him to hear, and it needs to be heard right away.

It's that important.

And I teach my kids from the time they were born.

When I say something, it means immediate.

If you don't obey immediately, it's disobedience.

And so you have to hear first and heed.

Hear and heed, he says, as someone knocking at a door and we listen.

And so you have to listen.

Now, by the way, parents, the same principle applies to our hearts under God.

Are you in a place to hear, and then will you listen?

That's what obedience is.

It's your duty, it's your job.

And so, kids, this is one of your two duties.

Why, Pastor Rick?

I don't like to obey.

Obeying's not fun.

Why do I have to do that?

Isn't there something else?

Well, because you had to learn.

You had to learn.

And I want you to understand, from the minute you were born, you began to learn under your parents.

Listen to me, kids.

This you said words like this.

And we went, he said, Daddy, he's a genius.

Right?

You had to begin to learn, and they were your first teacher.

You had to learn math.

It's not your fault you were born to the world not smart.

Okay?

You just had no sense.

Can you believe somebody at some point told you one plus one is two?

And you went, wow! You didn't have any sense.

You had to learn.

You had to learn to spell.

Got a note in my office to Pastor Rick.

P-A-S-T-O-W-R-Y-K.

You had to learn to spell.

God chose your parents for you to be your very first teachers.

And if you've made it this far, children, it's because of them.

I want you to understand that.

You were helpless.

Your parents had to spend thousands of hours.

By the time, listen to me, by the time you turned three, let me tell you how many thousands of hours.

26,280 hours.

Okay?

Just making sure that you didn't die.

Because you would have died.

You would have walked out and done something.

Okay, you couldn't walk.

You couldn't listen.

Listen, kids, where are my kids?

Kids, you couldn't use the bathroom right.

You had to be taught.

Listen to me.

You couldn't brush your teeth.

Look, you could not pass the life test at all.

You couldn't eat with a fork.

You couldn't sit up.

You'd just fall over, blue.

You just you were helpless.

And so when you look at your parents, and if you go like they're kind of crazy, you're the reason why.

We were smart.

We had a fool, I mean, we were.

And then we spent hours and hours trying to keep you from getting dead.

And you were smelly and you did crazy things, and we lost sleep.

You'd run to a flight of stairs and just jump and think it was okay.

Callie, one time, she was sick in the bed.

Heather picked her up, she heard this noise.

And Callie threw up in Heather's mouth.

She's right there.

I'm not saying any names.

Yes, we used to be smart, but brain cells began to deteriorate once we had children.

You have to obey.

They are your teacher.

It's your job to obey them.

Listen, it's not obedience if you ignore it and say, I'll do it later.

It's not obedience if you forget.

It's not obedience if you don't do it.

Well, how a pastor helped me.

Alright, turn your Bible to Luke chapter 5.

Luke 5 · chapter mention

Children say, Luke.

Well, that is not good.

Children say, Luke.

I am your father.

I mean, chapter 5.

Luke chapter 5.

Luke 5 · chapter mention

Look at verses 3 through 8.

I want you to see a story about obedience.

This is Peter, and he's with Jesus.

Listen to what it says.

Catch up in verse 3.

Then he got into one of the boats, Jesus, which was Simon's or Peter's, and asked him to put out a little from the land.

And he sat down and taught the multitudes from the boat.

Jesus began to teach in a boat.

When he had stopped speaking, he said to Simon, Launch out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.

But Simon answered and said to him, Master, we've toiled all night and caught nothing.

Nevertheless, at your word I'll let down the net.

And when they had done this, they caught a great number of fish, and their nets were breaking.

Alright, so I want you to pause there.

Couple of steps, kids, how to obey.

Number one, Peter was close enough to hear Jesus and listened.

So you need to be close enough and listen.

Be close to your parents, know their voice, know when they're knocking at the door, hear them.

Don't be so overloaded with music or video games or TV or something that you don't know the voice of the one that's here to protect you.

And so Peter was close enough to Jesus and he listened.

That's step one.

Proverbs over and over and over, parents and children says this my son, give ear to my words.

Give ear to my words over and over.

It says, give me your attention.

So number one, to obey, you have to listen.

Number two, Jesus entered Peter's boat.

Okay, what do you mean?

Peter respected Jesus' position.

Because he was Jesus, he could have the boat.

He respected the position of authority that was in front of him.

Respect, listen, number two, kids, respect the position of parent.

We live in a time where positions and authority are not responded to like they used to be.

From the moment my kids were birthed, they started being taught to say, yes, sir, no, sir.

Yes, ma'am, no, ma'am.

They're 15, 13, and 9.

Never one day have they had off.

But there's times where that flesh wants to take off from it.

I want you to understand, Peter allowed Jesus in the boat because he respected his position.

And so, to respect the position of parent.

Look, they love you.

I say to my kids often, I'm for you.

Do you understand?

I'm for you.

I want good in your life.

Do you have any clue what it costs to have one of you?

This is the biggest cost of my whole life.

I love you.

I give everything for you, all that I do.

Now respect that position.

Step three, listen to what happened.

Peter disagreed.

He disagreed with what Jesus had to say.

Jesus said, Peter, cast your nets out over here.

And Peter's like, dude, I am a fisherman.

I've been fishing all night long.

Danny, I haven't even seen your rod, Jesus.

I don't even know what if you know what you're doing.

And he said, Cast your nets over here.

Peter totally disagreed.

He said, We've been doing this all night.

But Jesus, even though I don't agree, even though I don't believe, I'm gonna obey.

Hear me, children.

Children say, obey.

Alright, y'all listen.

Eli's watching.

He obeyed because of the who.

He obeyed Jesus solely because of the who.

He did not agree.

He didn't want to, he didn't think the time was right.

He had all kinds of reasons.

Why not?

And you say, I don't want to clean my room.

This video game is very important.

This phone call is very, I'm in the middle of a text.

He said, I don't agree.

The timing is not right.

Nothing about it sounded good to Peter, but you know what?

He obeyed because of who said it.

Not because it was his opinion.

Now listen to me, hear me.

Children, if a parent outright tells you to sin, we don't listen to that.

Okay?

I know this is tricky, but look, if your parent tells you, hey, Johnny, I want you to go to school today and I want you to punch the principal, okay?

Don't look, don't be dumb.

Don't listen to your parents lead you into something dumb, okay?

Don't do something that you shouldn't do.

Hey, little Billy, here's one of my beers.

No, no, no, we're not gonna do that.

There are ungodly parents out there.

Listen, we don't follow anyone unto ungodliness, but otherwise we obey.

And Peter, he disagreed, but he obeyed.

Step four, we receive the reward of obedience.

Do you know what it says there?

It says that there was a boat full of fish.

When he pulled in his nets, there were so many fish that the boat couldn't withstand it, and there was more nets.

Why?

Because he listened to what Jesus had to say.

I want you to understand something.

There's people that have lived before you and they've been through a lot of stuff, kids, and they love you and they want good for you, and maybe, just maybe.

They got an idea what could happen if you'll listen.

And so one of your jobs there is obey.

Say, obey?

Obey.

Well, how do we do it, Pastor?

I'm glad you asked.

Because Scripture tells us in Ephesians 6, obey your parents in the Lord.

Now, again, this whole section of Scripture, family matters, could be on the Holy Spirit filled.

Okay?

And so in the Lord it says.

Now, listen, kids, I believe the bar has been massively lowered for children today.

I believe the people in your generation are telling you, you're kids, you can't do it.

You're just a kid.

You're not supposed to do it.

You're just a kid.

It's been massively lowered.

And I'm telling you at this church, hear me.

I believe you can.

I believe you're more than what society is telling you.

I believe you're bright.

Hear me, you're smart.

Man, you're good looking.

I was watching you coming in.

Okay.

And you can do things.

Listen to this, children, listen to this.

In 1900, there was a census that means they counted the people.

And 1,700,000 or 752,187 children occupied the workforce.

One in every six children between ages of five to ten were engaged in what's called gainful occupation.

One in every six child, five to ten, had a job.

They got paid.

Now my kids get tired of me telling them that I was working at 11 years old.

They get tired.

I tell them all the time, I need them to hear it.

Look, you ought to love work.

You better love work.

Work is important.

Work is a gift from God.

You want some money?

You better love work, right?

You with me, church?

Can the parents give me an amen?

Look, I tell them you want to make a house rule and pay a house bill.

Okay, you better love work.

And so by 11, I started working.

I never had to ask my daddy for a dollar again.

Yes! I felt like a man at 11.

Look, I wasn't dating yet, but if I was, I could have.

I could have took him out on the bike, doubled and I'd have paid for dinner.

I had money.

Okay.

They got paid and contributed to their family's life.

Look at listen to the jobs.

They planted seeds, they collected fabric for textile workers.

There was something called water boys that took water to the other men working.

They cleaned streets, they were shoe shiners.

Now, today, kids, they might throw themselves to the floor if you say, clean your room and be done in an hour.

I can't do it.

Like, there's seven pieces of clothes and a drawer.

You can do it! We've set the bar here.

And we said, no, they're just a child.

There shouldn't be child laborers in the land.

They'll be they'll get hurt.

They'll get hurt there in their bedroom doing all that work.

Those dishes are sharp.

We need to reset the bar.

Hear me, kids.

You're better than that.

Can I get an amen church?

You're better than that.

Colossians says, do everything heartily as unto the Lord.

It doesn't say when you become an adult, do everything heartily unto the Lord.

Children, teens, look, you can learn the Bible.

This church can run by a group of kids and teens.

Did you know that?

You can work.

You can serve in your church.

You can feel accomplished.

You can play instruments.

There's many kids here who can play.

You can work and you should.

And how?

As unto the Lord.

Well, letter B is this.

It's a lesson about stance.

Second duty, kids, and I'm gonna get to your parents, and it's just gonna be just as tough for them.

So get ready.

I know you're ready for them.

And if you're ready, you can smack their arm when it's their turn.

A lesson about stance.

This is for every child.

Listen to me, verse 2.

It says, honor your father and your mother.

Honor.

This is for every child.

If you're in here, you're a child.

You're a child of somebody's, no matter what age you are.

And this is what scripture says: honor.

It's the word stance is the word stanza comes from an Italian where it means stopping place.

Something that is not likely to change for you.

You have stopped on this.

Your decision has been made to honor.

Well, what happens if I leave my home, Pastor?

Do I still obey?

And the Bible says that when you're grown, hear me now, people that are thinking about being basement dwellers, hear me.

It says that one day you should leave and cleave unto your husband or your wife.

One day that you're going to do that.

And so what happens then with my parents?

The Bible says, when you leave and cleave, that you should honor.

It's one of the Ten Commandments.

Honor your father and your mother.

It's found five other places in the New Testament.

Honor your father and your mother.

Kids say honor.

That's pretty good.

You're catching on.

It says honor.

The word honor is more than respect, it means to esteem and value as precious.

When you think about your parents in your busy life, do you look at them and go, man?

And some of you are.

You're great.

Some of you kids are great at this.

Look, some of you make your pastor feel like gold.

There's kids that run up and hug me and like it make my whole day better.

Some of you are very good at living like this and you love.

Keep that.

Some of you need some work.

Okay?

I'm just telling you.

Teenagers, you should go home today, hug your parents, tell them you love them.

They'll probably pass out.

Okay?

But honor, honor goes beyond respect.

Now hear me.

Honor does not always mean agreement.

Okay?

You're gonna grow up one day and you're gonna find out that you may be different.

Okay, it does not mean that you have to agree, but it does mean that your position, your stance is a place where I'm gonna honor.

I will not be moved from honoring them for who they are and for the way that they've invested my life.

I'm going to honor.

Doesn't always mean agree, but it's an attitude.

It's a decision.

No matter what they do or who they become as a parent, I will honor them.

God told me I will honor them.

No matter what I am to honor.

It's viewing something a certain way.

Honor is how you speak over somebody.

Listen.

Man, help me.

Don't, nobody here, don't go run your mouth bad about your parents.

You know what it takes most of you to be a parent.

And it's hard.

And look, I'm gonna promise you, most of them were trying their best.

Some of them, look, some of you, I'm gonna be honest, it was a tough go for you.

And man, I thank God in those situations that the Bible says, where father and mother or not, he will be a father to the fatherless.

Okay?

And he's put people in your life and my life that can fill gaps.

And so, but we still, no matter what, we honor.

You're a child for your parents their entire life.

And so we honor.

That's about stance.

And last thing under this for the children is a lesson about sustainment.

Look at what it says in verse 3, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.

He's talking about quantity and quality days.

By the way, parents, the same promise is given back in Deuteronomy 6.2.

He said that if you will fear and obey God, that your days would be long, and your son's days would be live, and your son's son's days would be long.

How many of you say, Pastor, I want good days?

Raise your hand.

Half of you.

All right.

Okay.

Hope for a good altar call later.

Thought that would be unanimous.

Good days, he says, quantity and quality days.

It should make sense.

Right?

Because it should make sense like this.

If you make healthy choices for your own body on the things that you eat and the activity that you take, if you are a healthier-minded person in that way, you will live naturally, barring a crazy decision or some accident, you know, something like this, you will live a longer life.

Why?

Because you've made good choices.

The Bible says this obedience and honor is a good choice.

It's a healthy choice.

I'll live better and longer.

If I follow God and my son follows God, and why it's son follows God, then what scripture's telling me is that they will live a long and good life.

I'll be in a rocking chair in my 90s with my great-great-grandson singing hymn.

May the children and your generation for your family and your people.

You know what I'm saying?

It says, if we obey.

That takes us to the second thing.

Alright, you can smack your parent on the shoulder, say it's your turn.

Kids go ahead, say it's your turn.

Don't hit them hard.

That ain't right.

It's your turn.

The right kind of parents.

Look at verse 4.

The right kind of parent.

It says, and you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath or anger, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Parents.

Mom and dad.

It says it's our duty, it's our duty to discipline and instruct.

Now hear me.

This is hard.

Nowhere in all of Scripture does it say that you need to be your child's best friend.

You've heard me say that.

It doesn't say you need to fit in with all their friends or be super popular mom or dad.

Or be the coolest.

It says to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Now, don't mishear me, a godly parent should be much more than a friend.

It should mean so much more than a friendship.

But it is impossible for many right now to have a friendlike relationship with your child and correct their bad behavior.

Can I get an amen?

It's really hard to say, no, you shouldn't be doing that.

Don't you love me?

No, don't do that.

That's gonna hurt you.

Aren't I the coolest dad?

No, you cannot stay on your phone till two in the morning.

High five.

Like that doesn't work.

Okay?

The right kind of parent is for discipline and instruction.

Scripture says it.

So a lesson about discipline this morning.

Letter A.

I read this this week and it made a lot of sense to me.

A lack of discipline will make a child insecure, miserable, and self-centered.

That is what we call a spoiled child.

A child who grows up and expects to have his or her way and does not care whose feelings it hurts.

That's a child without discipline.

And here's how it's created.

This is created by a spirit of indulgence on the part of parents.

Hear this, who want their kids to have everything they could never have.

Satan is using that phrase, let me tell you.

They don't need everything that you could never have.

They need you.

They don't need everything that you couldn't have or have.

They don't need all of the world's stuff.

The Bible says, love not the world, neither the things of the world.

Here's what happens.

Let me ask this.

If you never make your child eat right, if you think by accident you'll give them a choice one day and they're saying hey, Billy, come here.

I've got cookies or celery.

Which one you gonna pick?

Johnny, come here.

I've got fruit or some junkaroos.

It takes discipline.

I'm hungry, Ma.

Any kids come to you like this, I'm hungry, Ma.

Can I have some some can I have some more broccoli?

I'll be honest, I don't know where it's come from, but Callie, man, she's on some salad right now.

And I'm like, wow.

But her mom eats a lot of salad, her dad does not.

Okay it takes discipline.

If you here's what I what I was thinking about.

This is hard.

This is gonna be hard.

You want someone to like you more than you actually care about their well-being.

Hear me, parents.

You want someone to like you more than you actually care about their well-being.

And so you do things that are not for their betterment.

You keep from saying things that are corrective because you want that person, that child to like you.

You buy that thing, even though you think it's gonna spoil them, but you buy it because you want them to have what you never had.

If you really care, you'll look at reality and say the most important thing is your spiritual health, the most important thing is your physical health.

The most important thing is you need to do your homework, the most important thing is you need to do your devotions.

But most people want kids to say, My mom is awesome, my dad is fun.

They're cool, but it's not cool to nag your kids to do the right things.

Quit.

Hear me, parents.

Quit using your children to pat your back.

Do what is hard.

You're hurting them.

If you love them, you'll discipline and instruct.

That's what scripture says.

It says discipline and instruct, teach and correct.

It takes discipline, as in training, and it takes correction.

Hear me, they need a parent, not a party.

They need a parent.

Show them how to love Jesus.

And listen, you know what else they need to see?

They need to see you loving your spouse.

They need to see that.

They need to be trained in that.

And hear this.

Look, a lot of people get this list twisted up.

Number one is loving God.

Number two is loving your spouse.

It's not number two loving your children.

That's why a lot of people get the empty nest syndrome and it hits them real bad.

Because when the kids get out of the home, they have no clue what to do because they haven't been each other's mate for 18 years, and you haven't been showing your kid I love this person right under God.

And they go, What do we do?

We don't have kids anymore.

They need to see you loving your spouse with all that you are.

Love your spouse.

One of the best things you can do for a child.

Love Jesus, love your spouse in front of them.

Bonhoeffer said this: It is from God that parents receive their children, and it is to God that they in turn must lead them.

A lesson about discipleship underneath of that.

It said, Fathers provoke not.

Provoke not.

What's that word provoke mean?

It's para or guizo.

And that means alongside to bring up or to stir.

As in, okay, provoke not, stirring the pot.

Any dads here good at stirring the pot?

Okay, we got some honest people in the crowd.

I didn't know.

Okay, we're part of the club.

Welcome.

Member and a client.

Heather, we will have company coming over, and she will say, Rick, I need you to stir that over there so that the ingredients don't get settled at the bottom and burn.

And so I can't cook, so but I, you know what?

I can stir something.

And so I get over in the kitchen.

Woo! This is about what I can do.

I'm very good at stirring the pot.

Unfortunately, that translates sometimes to my children.

And I know something's gonna aggravate them, and I know something's gonna irritate them, and I don't catch my tongue in time because I'm not spiritual enough to go and I go, you know what?

And I hit them with it.

And then their feelings are hurt, and I have totally dismayed their day because I decided to open my mouth and stir, aggravate.

It says, don't provoke.

Listen to me, parents.

Kids, you can look at your parents on this one.

It says, be tactful, be kind, be gentle.

When you talk about correction, correction is not about me lashing out because I just got angry.

It's I'm trying to help you almost like a coach.

This is how you can be better.

Coaches all the time.

You need to stand up, bat up.

This is what you need to do.

And as a parent, we don't respond because, you know, they spilled a drink all over the floor.

What are you?

Have you lost your mind?

You know, like, okay.

Be more careful.

Think through what you're doing.

There's a way to approach things.

Be kind, be gentle.

Why?

Because that same word, you are stirring them up.

You are bringing them up.

You are doing that.

Now you can provoke them to anger, or you can provoke in a good way.

You can provoke them to the right things.

And so we don't make them angry.

We bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Are you bringing them up with a Bible?

Are you instructing calmly?

Are you correcting them for the 175th time patiently?

Please.

Johnny, clean your room.

Please turn off the light.

It costs a lot of money.

I love you.

How are you going about that?

See, I'm having a hard time doing it without sounding sarcastic right now.

I got work.

Look, y'all pray for me.

I read this this week, and this is good.

Seven things that provoke kids, don't do.

Alright?

Hear me, kids.

Y'all still with me, children?

Say obey.

Alright, here we go.

Seven things don't do.

Don't compare them to others.

That provokes your children to wrath.

Don't compare them to a sibling they have.

Don't compare them to some other kid.

Don't compare them to yourself.

Number two, don't fail to express your approval.

It matters if they colored a picture, if they got a hit, if they told you a Bible verse, or if they made their own cereal.

Don't miss out on the opportunity to express your approval.

Three, don't pressure them to pursue your goals.

Don't pressure them to pursue your goals.

Four, don't withdraw love from them.

Five, this is very important.

Don't be inconsistent with discipline.

Don't tell them this is the way it is, and then not follow through.

Because what that does is they're supposed to be, we're supposed to be a fence for our kids.

And what happens is when we tell them something, and then they do whatever they do, and we don't follow through, the fence gets further and further away and they feel less and less safe.

Don't be inconsistent with discipline.

Six, don't over-discipline.

Major on the majors, minor on the minors.

And number seven, don't refuse.

Hear me.

A lot of people need to hear this in this room.

It might apply to your children, it might apply with your spouse.

Don't refuse to ask forgiveness when you're wrong.

I've had to a lot of times this year look at my kids in the face and say, Will you forgive me?

Bring them up.

Discipleship is training them.

Proverbs 22, 6 says, train up a child in the way he should go.

When he's old, he will not depart from it.

Hear me, church.

Your child's greatest need is salvation.

Your child's greatest need is to know that Christ died for their sins and rose from the dead.

That's their greatest need.

Their greatest need is not self-esteem, it's a God esteem.

The greatest need is not the latest fashion trend.

The greatest need is not a scholarship.

7%, I worked teenage 17 years, 7% of all high school students get a scholarship.

Less than 2% get a sports scholarship.

My son Wyatt is an excellent soccer player.

You know what?

He told me this season, I'm tired of soccer.

You know what?

He's not playing soccer.

He's great, he's very good at soccer.

Probably could play right now in the high school team.

Could like I got that belief in him, could probably play in college.

But you know what?

It's not my God.

And it's not his God.

He said he didn't want to do it, so he's not doing it.

My child's greatest need is to know he's a sinner in need of a savior.

It's to train him up in the way he should go.

And the way he should go is not a sports career.

That can be a part of it.

It's fine.

I love him.

I love sports.

Less than 2%.

And it's like all of culture believes my kid will get a scholarship.

If we bowing down to the idol, and they're spending more time than you spend at work on a sport.

How many hours a week?

They're full time.

That's not our God.

So they get trained.

Where else do they get trained?

Church.

Bring them to this place.

They'll get trained at church.

You have one-way students or wanna.

I love church.

And I love church.

I was thinking about the amount of church, and it's not because I'm a legalist.

I've just been in church.

I love it.

I love the house of God.

Psalm says, How amiable are thy tabernacles?

The place of God where God meets with us.

I love it.

I love church.

There's 2,080 church services, 52 Sundays a year, since the time I was 40.

I think I've been close to 2,000.

Maybe a little more.

I don't want to miss church.

Why would I want to miss where God meets with me?

I don't want my kids to miss it.

You know, I was thinking about this.

The things that I love, my kids end up loving.

I love the Red Sox.

Can I get an Amen?

No, could not get an Amen.

That's okay.

It's okay.

Where's Ash at?

I know I got a few friends in here.

My kids have never been to a Red Sox game.

They've never been to Boston.

But when baseball comes up, you know what?

My kids will cheer for Boston.

And they will mouth off to other kids about Boston.

Like, you don't know who's the best.

Let me tell you.

Why?

Because Daddy loves it.

They love what I love.

This summer Heather came out of the country closet.

Okay.

She was in the country closet.

It and we didn't know it.

I didn't know it.

I didn't know it.

Okay.

She was a secret Garth Brooks lover and country, classic country music, all kinds of it.

And uh this summer she came, she she started listening to and the kids for a month they were like, ah, turn this off the radio.

Here comes another.

I'm like, I don't know what I'm listening to.

I'm just you know, okay.

Heather knew every song, boot, scoot, and boog, whatever they are, okay?

Whatever's coming on.

And I'm like, who are you?

The other day, one came on, she said, Lucille.

I don't even know what it said.

Kenny Rogers, look it up.

Anyway, and she knew it.

And so the kids are like, you know, for a month they're like, oh no, no, no, I hate these songs, I hate these songs.

The other day, Weston goes, Mom, could you turn on some Dolly Parton?

Like, what is happening?

Are you serious?

And maybe think this has nothing to do with sermon, but I was at Dixie Stampede, and we were walking down the stairs, if you've ever been there, and there's this great giant mural of Dolly Parton.

There's like a 90-year-old man walking with me at the same time.

We're walking down the stairs.

He puts his hand on his chest and puts his hand on me, and he says, What a woman.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Wesson's got it for Dolly Parton right.

Why?

Because his mama loves it.

Hear me, parents.

What you love, what you keep in front of them makes an impact.

You're training them, whether you believe it or not.

The things you're doing, the things that you're keeping in front of you, you're training them one way or the other.

So let me ask a question.

What's your kid's favorite worship song?

What's their favorite Bible verse?

What is your child's favorite Bible character?

What are you teaching them that matters?

Hear me, parents.

If we're lucky, we have them 18 years, and you are the greatest discipler they're ever gonna have.

There's not gonna be a person in history that's ever gonna care for them more than the way that you care for them.

So what are you giving them spiritually?

Hear me, they're like wet cement.

You've got a moment to impact them, and then it's gone.

Don't miss this time.

Get tired later.

Life is a vapor, it's even shorter the time that we have them.

And so, how are you impacting that child?

And let me tell you something.

You are the one that raises that bar, you're bringing them up, not somebody else.

You're raising the bar.

So what you set, you're gonna have to dig in and it takes work.

I'm not telling you this is easy, but it means you gotta be willing to pay that price.

You gotta be willing for a little while for them not to like you so that later they will love who you were.

You hearing me?

Last part, letter C is a lesson about dedication.

It's no coincidence that Pastor Dave read this verse that I'm gonna finish with.

Psalms 127, verse 3.

Psalms 127:3

Dedication.

It says, Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord.

The fruit of the womb is a reward, like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.

Your child, hear me, parent, is your legacy.

Listen to this.

God gave me this this week.

When you leave earth, it's the only part of you that stays.

And when you go to heaven, it's the only part of you that can follow.

When you leave earth, it's the only part of you that stays, and when you go to heaven, it's the only part of you that can follow.

The best way for you to impact the world is not through your job, it's not through your bank account, it's not even through your church.

The best way for you to impact the world is by investing Jesus into your children.

And hey, grandparents, and in their children, and in their children's children.

Hear me, church.

If you say I don't have any kids, let me tell you, by the way, if you're here today, you got some kids, and they need you.

And let me tell you, my kids need you.

They need people in their life.

We need surrogate people.

It takes a village, so we need each other.

You say, I don't have listen, you do.

If you're at this church, you do.

Proverbs 13, 22 says, a good person leaves an inheritance for their children and their children's children.

And yeah, that's talking about living in a way when you pass away that you leave financial inheritance.

But much greater is talking about a spiritual inheritance.

So, what can we do?

Let me make this practical for a second, then I got a little video and we'll close.

Kids, you still with me?

Say obey.

All right, here we go.

Somebody told me they couldn't hang with us.

I say, yes, they can.

Ice cream's on the line.

Practical tips, parents.

This is what we need to do.

How can I make some change now?

Okay.

There needs to be a regular day of play with your kids.

A regular day every week.

Whether it's Friday.

Okay, I don't care if your kid's 30.

Go play with your kid.

They need your time.

So time to play.

They need a regular day of worship.

Okay?

Sunday is so important.

Okay.

Your time away, and we're gonna talk a lot about that next week.

Listen to me, this is my commercial.

Next week is all about rest.

How do you rest?

Okay?

Give them electronic times.

I know it's a day and age, I'm not kind of trying to knock it all.

It does have its place in the world, but give them times.

Dinner times.

Bible times.

Dates with your kid.

Okay, spending time with them.

Practical tips.

Making those times in your life so that you can impact your child.

Because this is what happens.

At the end of the day, the day has swallowed you.

Your schedule has swallowed you.

And when you hit the bed, you go, I'm done.

They've gotten to bed.

Praise God.

I made it.

You have to plan these things before your day plans you.

I want you to watch this video and see how the impact of a parent watch it to the very end.

Bring them up.

Mondays are my toughest days.

I have to live up to everyone's expectations all over again.

I wish somebody could see me for who I really am.

I don't have what it takes to get into a good college.

Struggling in math.

I don't have enough time to go to tutorial.

What am I even doing with my life?

I have too much to do today.

I'm not going to get to work on my paper or finish my reading assignment.

She's prettier than me.

She's more popular than me.

I wish I could go to the beach.

When am I gonna have the money to afford that?

This isn't me.

Why am I wearing this turtleneck?

I never wear turtlenecks.

Royal, precious.

Hear me, kids, you are precious.

God loves you.

And you've seen in that video depicted how a parent comes behind in a season of doubt and struggle and can encourage and bolster and better.

Maybe you're here this morning and you've listened.

In a moment, I'm gonna ask the parents and children.

We're gonna sing that song as a song of dedication that we sang earlier.

And I'm gonna ask you if you would.

Maybe you would bring your child, your family up front, and we're gonna sing that song unto God, that he would bless them.

But I need to ask right here and now if there's anybody listening to this sermon.

Children, hear me.

The most important decision you can make, the most important thing your parent can tell you, the most important thing parents that you can hear, is that you're a sinner in need of salvation.

Jesus came and he died and bled on a cross that one day that you could go to heaven and be with him.

The most important decision on earth is to become a child of Jesus.

Maybe you're a kid or adult here and you're listening through the message and the Holy Spirit has spoken to you.

I want to tell you and I want to plead with you, please don't leave here today not knowing him.

He'll change your life.

And so if you're here and you want to be saved, listen to me.

The Holy Spirit's already working, he's already doing that in your heart.

But you can pray a prayer of dedication like this right now.

You can say, Dear Lord, I know that I'm a sinner and I'm sorry for my sins.

I believe that Jesus died on a cross, that he was buried and rose again for me.

And today I want to give my life, my all, my everything to him.

I want to become his child.

We're excited you joined us for today's message.

Our heart is to connect with others in our community to grow with one another and build a bigger kingdom.

If you accepted Jesus today, we want to hear about it.

Take a moment and text CCW Connect to 94,000.

Thank you again for joining us on the CCW podcast.

We hope you'll make plans to join us in person on Sundays.