The Family Squabble

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Open your Bibles to Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

We are continuing the Family Matters series.

This is the last of the series.

And so why not go out with a bang?

The family squabble?

How many of you here ever have some fights with your families?

We got nine honest people in church.

I got a long way to go, Adam.

Here we go.

Open your Bibles, please.

Before I even say anything, start reading them.

Here we go.

After the dedication of his little baby brother in a church service, the family left and little Johnny was in the back seat and was crying all the way home.

He was crying, crying, crying.

His dad asked him three times, what is the matter with you, Johnny?

And John Lee finally they pulled up to the house.

He said, Well, it's this, Dad.

After the preacher dedicated my brother, he said that he wanted us to be brought up in a godly home.

But I just want to stay with you guys.

Hey, we got some prayer to be doing, don't we?

Families matter.

Well, listen, the first point this morning is this in Colossians 3, we're going to look at God.

Godly families forsake foolishness.

Let's look at verse 8 and 9 of Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

Colossians written to early Christians to examine their lives and how godly their lives are.

Look at what it says in verse 8 and 9.

But now you yourselves are to put off all these anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy or foolish language out of your mouth.

Don't lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds.

Let me pray.

Father, thank you for the opportunity this morning to share your truth.

And God, I pray that you would open the hearts and ears of every person here, God.

I believe there's somebody here that, Lord, has some long-standing struggles, some tension.

There's some people here that are in the middle of a fight right now.

And God, there's some people that, Lord, we know that Satan is endeavoring to fight and divide their home.

And God, we know your scripture says a house divided against itself cannot stand.

So, Father, I pray that you would use your word today to do its work.

We love you in Jesus' name.

Amen.

I want you to key in on verse 8, that word that says foolishness.

He says, put off these things.

He gives a list.

That means it's cast down, to lay down.

He says, There's no room for these in Christianity.

It's a Christianity check.

And so there's no room for this in God's family.

So he says, Paul's giving a checkup of their lives, an examination.

And he says, these ought not to be on your tongue.

And he lists some.

He says, anger.

He says, Proverbs 29, 22, an angry man stirs up strife.

A soft answer turns away strife, Scripture says.

Wrath and malice, that's hateful or harmful speaking intending to hurt somebody.

He says that shouldn't be at the tip of the tongue of a Christian.

He says, blasphemy or slandering or lies against God, irreverence toward God.

And then he says, filthy or foolish speaking.

He says, filthy or foolish.

I want to key in on that for a moment.

And he says, he gives an answer here.

He says, why shouldn't we do this?

Because you're not that anymore.

Look at what it says.

It says, there's a new man.

You've put off that old man.

If this type of speaking is often at your tongue, you might need some deep consideration today through the message.

Foolish words, letter A, this morning, are devastating.

How many of you have met Mr.

Grimes?

If you met Mr.

Grimes at the door back here, Mr.

Grimes, every time I say, hey, Mr.

Grimes, how are you doing?

Mr.

Grimes, anybody know what he says?

I'm blessed.

Five years that man has been blessed.

I asked some other people, and I know the sentiment, they don't want to lie, maybe, but they can hardly get a good word out.

Every now and then, I'm okay.

Now let me explain.

I grew up in the Northeast.

In the Northeast, speaking negatively is a pastime.

Speaking negatively is how you talk, it's par for the course.

And so you don't say, how's the weather today?

You say, This weather sure is killing me.

Isn't it killing you?

That's just normal, right?

And in the South, we we we cover it up a little better, right?

We say some things, but they're disguised, they come wrapped in a bow, right?

Mean things come with a disguise.

For example, bless her heart.

If somebody says bless her heart, what's to follow?

50% is good or bad, right?

Bless her heart.

She's dumb as a box of rocks.

Oh, but you said bless her heart.

Right?

Or she means well, but, right?

And so listen to me.

If you're a Christian today, you've been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ.

You've got a reason to smile.

And if so, if somebody asks you how you're doing, you can say something like this: I'm saved and sanctified, washed by the blood of the Holy Spirit.

I'm justified one day to be glorified in heaven, perfect forever.

I got something to be happy about.

He is our hope.

He is our redeemer.

And your mouth is a tool to make him known.

The deeds that he's done to make them known.

But you can choose to keep a cloud over your gray life and just make it through another one.

Like my friends in the Northeast.

I'm getting by.

Or I hear this one a lot.

I'm here.

Well, I know you're here.

I spoke to you.

And so I understand.

I do understand the sentiment.

But you can choose to keep a cloud.

You know what Isaiah said about that kind of thing?

Isaiah said, exchange.

He said, exchange beauty for ashes.

Exchange strength for tears.

Exchange gladness for mourning.

Put on a garment of praise.

Can somebody praise God for a second?

Can we praise God?

You can.

I'm watching it.

Some of you, that's even hard.

You still can.

I believe it.

I know you're like, well, I'm not going to do it because the preacher said to.

And when my teachers in school said do it, I wouldn't, so I'm not going to do it now.

Okay, I understand.

I understand.

You're rebellious.

It's okay.

Turn your Bible to 2 Timothy chapter 2.

2 Timothy 2 · chapter mention

I want you to look at something.

2 Timothy 2.

I want you to see verse 14 through 17.

We're still talking about foolish words are devastating.

Your words matter.

2 Timothy 2, 14 through 17.

Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord.

Listen to this.

Not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers.

But be diligent to present yourself, approve to God, a workman needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Listen 16.

But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness, and their message will spread like a cancer.

Man, that's strong.

Timothy says this, that word foolish there from Timothy is logomacho.

The Greek word logomicao, and that means to wrangle about empty and trifling matters.

You ever got wrangled about in something that didn't matter?

You ever got caught up in some drama?

Anybody here?

Somebody called you, and then another called you, and then before you knew it, you were you were pulled into something and you felt wrangled about.

You don't even know what happened.

For some people here, listen to me.

It's your bent.

You're bent towards it.

And I'm sorry, but you need to hear this today.

Your ears are drawn to drama.

And listen, you're not any more a sinner than the rest.

But there is, I was looking up some facts this week, an actual biological occurrence for some.

This is a real thing.

There's people that are addicted to drama.

It said this: an addiction to drama is precipitated by the release of pain-suppressing endorphins and pleasure-inducing dopamine.

Drama is similar for some to the result of opiates.

So you see people running off.

They get a release, they get a high, they get excited, they get jumping right in.

So if you see people like that, I believe they like it and they get a feeling about it.

And my, does Satan like to use it?

And so Scripture says pretty clearly, verse 23, it says, avoid drama.

So walk, jog, run away from.

That's what avoid means.

Drop that call.

Do not continue that text.

Don't answer that email.

Don't run off to that group that looks like whatever they got going on is something spicy.

You stay away.

He says, avoid it.

Again, verse 16.

It said, beware of vain babblings.

Well, that sounds about as honest as it should.

Vain babbling.

That's the word kinophnia, and that is senseless debates.

So it's specific, senseless debates.

It's not just talking about the drama.

But here's the thing you need to hear, church.

If God's word doesn't make it clear, move on.

You hear me?

There's so many people getting into this thing, and they'll fight and dispute about things that do not matter.

When there's so much in here that does matter.

Are you hearing me?

We will dispute all day long about the things we don't agree upon and not talk about the things that we do agree upon.

And let me tell you, I'm not just being flippant.

There's some really important things to agree upon.

Okay, there are some really foundational important things to agree upon.

Well, he says avoid vain disputings, babblings.

There are lines in this book that matter, but there's a lot that cause division because of opinion and preference.

If it's not verse, chapter, and we can get on opinion and preference.

We can have that dialogue, but where does it get you?

He says, be sensible with words to avoid devastation.

Use sense, thinking before we speak.

James said, be slow to speak.

God gave us this amazing capacity for thought, and on top of that, he gave every saved person the Holy Spirit.

And so we're able to tame these words.

Because let me tell you, church, senseless words, irreverent words, mean words, ungodly words, striving words hurt the hearers.

We had a family Bible verse for a year.

And some of y'all got kids at this stage, right?

You got kids right now, and all they do is bicker.

Family Bible verse was Ephesians 4.29.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth.

He said, No.

Not one.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is used to build up the hearers or minister grace to the hearers.

And so when we open our mouth, not one corrupt communication.

Look at your neighbor and say, not one.

Now I want you to look at that same neighbor.

I want you to take five seconds.

And I want you to look them over, and I want you to pay them a compliment.

Figure it out.

Pay them a compliment.

Hey, if they comb their hair this morning, that's worthy.

Let her be this morning.

Foolish words are a disease.

Some of you still didn't uh take part in that exercise, okay?

So I'm going to challenge you.

The altar will be open.

You can compliment.

You can do it.

You can do it.

Okay?

2 Timothy 2, again, I want you to see this.

He says there in verse 17, and their message will spread like a cancer.

Before that, it says it increases to more ungodliness and like a cancer.

Foolish words are a disease.

The word that came up studying this was interesting.

Gangrina.

Disease.

By which, if you look that up, any part of the body suffering from inflammation becomes so corrupted that unless a remedy is applied, the evil will continually spread and attack other parts and eats away the bones.

Y'all seeing the power of words?

It's like a disease, it's like a cancer.

It'll take over somebody and it'll go throughout their body.

And if it's not remedied, here's the problem that we're going to get to at the end of the service.

Oftentimes things are said and there's not a remedy.

There hasn't been a remedy.

James says, your tongue is a fire.

Teenagers, please hear me.

In a world that jokes at others' expense, where you're living right now.

Listen to me.

And it's always a joke.

It's well, it was just a joke.

Let me tell you something.

It's not a good joke making fun of people.

There's better jokes.

It's not a funny joke.

I like a good joke.

Mean words aren't it.

Amen, church.

Mean words aren't it.

Trying to excuse ignorant behavior by calling it a joke.

It's not a joke.

It's not a good joke.

There's good jokes.

Find a joke book.

Get a knock-knock book.

But a good joke isn't saying something mean about someone and saying, ha, I'm just joking.

Okay?

I've said this before, but there is an ungodly phrase that's circulated in our lifetime.

It goes like this sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

How many of you here have been hurt by words?

Well, I think we just proved that statement false.

Eli this week, Pastor Eli.

So this is, I guess, a theme.

We went in, I went in, got to spend some time in Iwana, and Pastor Eli did an amazing illustration.

I'd like to bring y'all up here and do it, but I'm not going to.

He got two tubes of toothpaste, or three tubes, and he had the kids empty the toothpaste onto a plate, and then he told them when he was done, now you had to put it all back in the tube.

Right?

It was stuff all over them, right?

It was a mess.

But here's the point that they got.

Once you say something, it's real hard to get that back.

And if you say something that hurts, it hurts.

I got a picture of myself that I want you to see circa about 1996.

Y'all show this sweet picture up here.

Look, look at that.

Boy, that's 90% hair, 10% face.

It was about this time that I wrote a very poetic letter to a sweet young lady.

I wrote this letter because I had had my eye on her, and I said, Dear so-and-so, you ready for these words?

I like you.

Do you like me back?

Right?

And I didn't receive a letter back, but I overheard a group of girls talking over here in the corner later that day.

And she didn't know that I was behind.

And she said, Can you believe that Rick said he likes me?

Can you believe that Chubbo that he likes me?

Oh my, let me tell you, that broke my little heart.

That broke, look, that 90% hair and face.

I was broke.

Paul said it's like a gangrene.

I've got a picture of gangrene I want you to see.

I'm just kidding, I don't.

That's disgusting.

Y'all are nasty.

But listen to what it says, verse 16.

It increases to more ungodliness.

If you allow this at your tongue, it's not going to make you, you're not going to get godlier from doing it.

It increases to more ungodliness.

It's like a gateway.

If I open my mouth and start down this route, I'll continue.

The answer, though, we get in verse 15 that we saw.

He said, Read and study the word of God.

You want to keep yourself from bad words?

You want to keep yourself and eliminate foolish words?

He said, Study to show thyself approved unto God.

A workman needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

You know what's really hard?

It's really hard for me to be sitting here reading my devotions, my kids walk by, and me say something mean to them.

You know, I don't think I ever have.

I don't think I've ever been reading the word of God and said, get over here, dummy.

I've never said that at all, but I'm not able, you know what I'm not able to do?

I'm not able to turn worship music on the car and cuss at people.

I don't know, maybe you are.

I'm not.

You see in the corollet, he said, rightly dividing the word of truth.

If we will get in the word of God, it will get into us.

And you'll keep your family from some squabbles.

So the answer, the hard answer, your kids that are bickering, man, they need the word.

They need the word of God.

You want to eliminate foolish words?

Study the word, divide the word.

It is really hard to be full of the word of God and be full of wicked words.

Second point this morning is this.

Once we look at those words, the second thing is godly families fruitfully forbear.

Look at verse 12 and 13.

Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

It says, Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering, bearing with one another, and forgiving one another.

We'll pause there.

Godly families forbear.

The word forbear or anchor to help up and endure, to suffer patiently and to last.

Anybody signing up for this?

I want some forbearance, Pastor.

Sign me up for that.

Do we have that available, Benji?

For serve team?

Forbearance.

That's what I want.

Forbear.

It says this that you have to last long suffering.

And you've had things in your life that you've had to forbear.

One year on winter retreat, took a group of kids to Hawks, Michigan, which is the end.

It's the end.

The next place is another place.

It's Canada.

Okay?

So we were in Hawks, we got all the way up there, and the guy said, once you get here, the snow is different.

I'm like, we got snow in India and now.

He's like, no, no, it's just different.

Okay?

It's a different kind of cold.

I'm like, it's really cold here, though, negative 15.

No, it's worse.

And he's just like telling you, you know, and we get up there, and so one day, all this cold, all week long, we're gonna play snow football with the teenagers.

And of course, I got to get out there because I'm still like, you know, none of these kids can take me.

So I get out there and I'm playing snow football with teenagers, and a teenager gets me wrapped around the legs for a tackle.

Well, I'm about to break free of them, and here comes my youth worker who's a mailman.

And this mailman is a monster.

He I'm standing still, kid around my legs trying to, and he trucks me.

I go down and he goes, Are you okay?

And I go, No, I'm not.

And I didn't know what happened, so I continued on with camp.

Later on, I found out once I got home and went to the doc.

I drove the bus home.

Look, and I was in some kind of pain that I just didn't know.

But I got everything done, I got home, and what happened?

He broke my sternum on the tackle, separated my sternum, and I got home.

If I coughed, it burned like crazy fire.

If I sneeze, oh, out of this world.

If if I laughed, it was terrible.

Oh, that was bad.

Okay?

And the doctor said this, this real encouraging.

There's nothing we can do.

Like, you can have a chest brace, but this has to heal itself.

He said, You're just gonna have to deal with it.

I'm like, what?

And so this is forbearing.

Listen, this is forbearing.

Godly families learn how to forbear.

Why?

Letter A is this it's proof you're God's child.

I want you to go back to chapter 3, the beginning part, Colossians, verse.

1 through 3.

Big important word.

If.

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth, for you died and your whole life is hidden with Christ in God.

Big word there is if.

Huge little word.

He says, if you were raised with Christ.

Go back to chapter 2, verse 20.

Therefore, if you died with Christ, from the basic principles of the world, why as though living in the world, do you subject yourself to regulations?

And so the big word there, if, go back to chapter 1.

There's a theme here.

Verse 19, for it pleased the Father that in him all the fullness should dwell, and by him to reconcile all things to himself, by him, whether things on earth, things on heaven, having made peace to the blood of his cross, and you who were once alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, now yet he has reconciled.

And so he's giving a theme of if, then, if you're a Christian, then, if you're a Christian, you should be able to set your mind on things above.

You should have an eternal perspective.

You should be able to look at people that are difficult and deal with difficult people.

He says, to forbear, just deal with, just forbear.

And he says, if then, if then you should.

And he says, you'll put on kindness, meekness, and forbearance.

And then he says, after that, you'll forgive because Christ forgave you.

Now, Christian means little Christ.

And we are Christ imitators.

So when the world sees you, they need to see the light of Jesus in you.

Matthew 5, 16 says, Let your light so shine that men may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

If it's in you, then forbearance is a picture to the world.

They say, How do you deal with that?

I don't know how you deal.

Some of you have probably heard that at work.

I don't know how you are dealing with that situation.

I don't know how you're walking through that.

And so you're being a picture to the world because you're going through difficulty.

You deal with the difficult in family or outside.

You love the unlovely.

You care for people that rob you the wrong way.

And in so doing, you're showing the world Jesus.

Jesus said another place, pick up your cross and follow me.

Pick up your torture and follow me.

Forbear.

It just means like you've got a grit and just you deal with it, you deal with it another day, and you deal with it another day because you are his.

And it's a testimony of grace.

I want to give you a word on pain for just a second, this forbearance.

Somebody was sharing with me a few weeks ago about this.

A word on pain.

Listen, in heaven, there are things that you cannot give to Jesus in worship.

You can't give him your pain.

Do you know that?

Not in heaven.

You can go to a new level of worship today if you'll grasp that here on earth as a worshiper, you get to do something for God that you cannot do in heaven.

Hear me, in eternity.

Only on earth can we forbear pain.

It's an offering.

And when we offer up our pain to our King, it's a sweet smelling aroma of worship to him that's not gonna happen in heaven.

Here on earth, we get to have pain, and I know this is not exciting to say.

And scripture says, count it all joy, and I go, I don't know how to do that, but I'm working at trying to do that so that I can say, This, this Father, this is for you.

It's not about me.

And so I go through pain and I forbear.

Look, I'm speaking to somebody today that's got an ailment.

Are you hearing me?

You got something right now that is a struggle in your life.

Give your pain and you forbear, and in so doing, you worship.

You got something right now that you don't understand.

Give him your pain.

Somebody forbear another day and let that aroma go up to our king.

Our worship.

Your worship.

And when you show this example in your family, your family goes, How do you deal with that, mom?

How are you able to walk through that?

Your little girl, your little boy.

How do you do that?

It's just so agitating, it's just so annoying.

And you just forbear because you got the love of Jesus in your heart.

Big word there.

If, if you're a Christian, is what was said by Paul.

If you can set your mind on things above and you can set your mind towards God, you can forbear.

It's proof letter B, you are a growing Christian.

Not just that you're God's child, but that you're growing.

This is not easy.

I want you to look at Ephesians chapter 4.

Ephesians 4 · chapter mention

Just turn over a couple of pages.

Take a left.

Ephesians chapter 4, verse 1 through 3, Paul says it this way.

Ephesians 4:1–3

Proof you're a growing Christian.

He says, I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseek you, excuse me, to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, hear this, with all long suffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.

So Paul says, if you're a Christian, if I had a poll today and I said, How many people here believe you're a Christian?

I believe most hands would go up.

And Paul says, if that's you, he says, listen to me, walk worthy.

If you say this is you, then you've got to walk worthy of your calling.

That word walk is parapatio, and that's to regulate your life in such a way, regulating what you do.

This takes concentration, this takes effort to forbear.

It takes work.

And he says, regulate.

And listen, this is what I believe.

It should become easier and easier.

That's growth.

When you can look back and circumstances fall apart on Monday, and by Thursday you're not falling apart.

That's growth in your Christianity.

When things go bad, you don't go, oh no, God, what are we gonna do?

Ah, the car has blown a tire.

The day is ruined.

But you go, okay.

Life had something come up.

We'll get it fixed, we'll move on.

And then you run into that person that's a little hard to deal with, and you go, God, why did you do this to me?

You knew God, you knew.

But you walk by and you say, Hey, is there anything I can pray with you about?

And you say, Okay.

There's growth.

I'm growing as a Christian when I can forbear, when I can deal with things.

It should become easier and easier as a part of your Christian growth.

You know, that Chubbo comment in sixth grade led me into an on and off relationship with Barb.

Barbell.

Okay, Barbell.

And so I started 15 pounds.

I started doing my curls, right?

And I need you to understand something.

15s were hard for a while.

15s were hard.

But after a while, it wasn't hard anymore.

And you know what?

I got 20s, and I'm like, hanging with the big boy.

25s, 30s, 70s.

I'm just kidding.

Okay.

And so this is what I found out though.

After a while, what was hard got easier and easier and easier because I practiced and I was practicing.

And every day I was going and I was making an effort, and it became easier and easier.

Why?

Because I grew some strength.

Even though it was difficult.

Hear me now, because more of the word and more of the Holy Spirit, the more that we walk through life and the more of that that we get, we can walk through and see people that are hard, but they're hurting.

And we start to see people with the eyes of Jesus because his word is in us.

And instead of getting aggravated or being quick to complain, we'll talk to somebody.

We'll be able to hold our tongue.

And we don't lash back.

Some of you, as husbands, you're doing this.

You're getting better.

Okay?

In your age, you're getting better.

I'm telling you, I'm getting better.

I promise you, I'm getting better because I could have gotten much worse at some point, but I'm getting better at holding back from what I know I shouldn't say.

And hopefully we are too.

You don't need to have that word.

If it's not administering grace to the hearer, if it's not building others up, then why do we need to say it?

Pride.

Pride says, get them.

Pride says, you got the right.

You got the right.

Just throw, come on, come on, Benji, throw that jab.

Get her.

That's what pride says.

It ain't right.

And so the more we're spending time in the word, the more that we're strength training, we'll be able to hold that tongue.

We'll respond better and better, and we'll begin to love in a way that deals in grace.

And don't you love people that you know grace is all over them?

You just around them and you can tell.

It's a person full of grace.

We will love with quick mercy.

We won't get so easily offended.

Our feelings won't be all on our sleeve all the time.

And so we learn to forbear.

Last point this morning is this godly families forgive.

Say forgive.

Look at verse 13 through 15 in Colossians 3.

It says, bearing with one another and forgiving one another.

If anyone has a complaint against another, even, hear this, even as Christ forgave you, so you must do.

But above all these things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection, and let the peace of God rule your hearts, to which also you were called in one body, and be thankful.

Godly families forgive.

He said, forgive as Christ forgave you.

And then you'll see that peace will rule this heart, to which is your call for unity.

It'll bring unity.

Our church will be a unified church if you are living in a way that you proceed in forgiveness.

Let me tell you a couple of realities of forgiveness.

Okay, I want you to turn your Bibles to Matthew chapter 18.

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

Matthew chapter 18.

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

Keep there in Colossians and turn to Matthew.

Forgiveness is a vital part of our Christian walk.

Now, when you look in Matthew 18, first you see that Peter is having this back and forth.

And Peter goes before Jesus.

And Peter thought he was being very spiritual, sort of subtle, and he came beside Jesus.

And what people were speaking about back then, the Jewish tradition, was you would forgive somebody for the same offense three times, up to three times.

And so Peter, out of the side of his mouth, you know Peter, he's impetuous, and Peter he doubles it and adds one.

So he thinks, woo-hoo, before Jesus and under heaven, I'm about to blow his mind.

And he goes, Jesus, how many times should a person that's spiritual forgive someone else?

Up to seven times the same offense?

And Jesus says, Seven.

He says, seven times seventy.

And I bet Peter fell over.

400, but the point was even beyond that.

He's saying, you forgive and you forgive and you forgive.

Mark 11, 25 says, forgive or your prayers will be hindered.

If we don't forgive, it puts a block, an impediment between us and the ear of the Lord.

Forgivers get to pray.

Forgive, Scripture says, or you will not be forgiven.

Forgivers get forgiven.

Now I want to talk to you about something that I think is a little touchy for people.

Forgiveness commanded.

Don't miss it.

Forgiveness is commanded.

Do we forget?

This is touchy.

As we release the hurt of things that's happened in the past, things that have wronged us, I believe, yes, that God can make us supernaturally forget.

In fact, there's some very painful memories for people that I think they can fade and scarcely even be conjured.

Freeing people to move forward.

It's not commanded.

Okay.

But I believe it can help the person that's dealing with it.

And yes, forgiveness commanded.

Forgive completely, totally, forgiving.

A divine command.

There's no exceptions to forgiving.

Forgiving involves an act of the will to avoid rehearsing the past hurt.

It's a choice to avoid bringing it back up to ourselves and rehearsing and reliving that pain, reliving that bitterness, reliving those moments.

It's like refraining to take a scab off a wound so that it can heal.

Y'all hear me?

Leaving the matter to God can allow him then to rewrite memories and erase pain.

So I think forgetting, if possible, you forget.

If possible.

Now here's the next matter that I think is important the matter of trust.

Forgive, commanded, forget, helpful if you can.

Trust?

The matter of trust, trust is earned, amen.

Trust is earned, amen.

I was I was bullied by a teenage girl, as a grown man, as a youth minister.

This is truth.

This is truth, okay?

I'm not gonna say her name, but she was taller than me, and she was bigger than me, and she would always come and put her hand.

Look, I'm just gonna say something for all short people here.

We don't really enjoy that much when you lean down on us on our shoulder.

Okay, it's not that exciting for us.

I know that you need a recliner for your elbow, but I'm just gonna say, okay, all the short people, amen.

We don't get that excited by that, like you think.

Oh, look.

Well, she would always say something, hey shorty, and okay, that wasn't a big deal.

I can deal with that.

I've been called short my whole life.

I understand.

I have a mirror, okay?

So not a big deal.

But I was in the church lobby.

There I was, just greeting and meeting, kissing babies and blessing people, all the good stuff.

And here comes, I see it like out of the corner of my pariff over here.

She's coming.

I didn't know what she was doing, but she was coming.

She's coming.

She says, Hey, shorty.

Bam! And she jacked me in my spine.

I went, ugh.

Wait a minute.

What just happened?

Now listen to me.

Did I forgive?

Yes.

Working on forgetting.

Still.

Do I trust the child?

Not as far as I could throw her.

Do I love her?

Absolutely.

But you can bet one thing, I'm not leaving my spine alone with her.

I don't know why she did it.

It just was fun to her, okay?

But listen, friends, family, people that you deal with, not everyone has your best interest in mind.

So hear me.

Trust is earned.

Okay, trust is earned.

Forgetting is helpful.

Forgiving is commanding.

Commanded, but forgiving frees you.

So look at Matthew 18.

Well, how do I do this, Pastor?

How do I go about this?

Okay?

This is important that you see this.

By the way, before I read it, we are a Matthew 18 church.

When it comes to this, this is who we are.

So if you wonder how this goes or how do we deal with this, this is how it's dealt with.

Okay.

If you're dealing with a struggle, if there's something in your life that you have, the word church people use is ought.

There's a tension, there's a struggle, there's an argument, there's a division, there's ought.

This is what you do.

Okay?

Hear this, please.

Moreover, if your brother sins against you, Matthew 18, 15, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.

I'm gonna pause there.

You and him alone.

If he hears you, you've gained your brother.

But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses, every word may be established.

Make sure that what everybody's saying on either side is correct.

And if they refuse to hear, tell it to the church.

Okay.

So what does that mean?

What are you saying?

We go, letter B, to restore fellowship.

The whole point of going to seek forgiveness or to ask for forgiveness or to try to gain forgiveness is to restore.

It's for restoration.

Now listen to what it doesn't say and hear me.

Okay?

If you didn't come here for anything else today, you came for this.

It doesn't say talk to everyone about that issue.

It does not say that.

And it doesn't say that person, and then it doesn't say go and paste it on Facebook.

You go to them with the hope of restoration.

Here's what happens: many people get aggravated, avoid each other, don't answer calls, wall up emotionally.

They got nonverbal eye rolling from across the room, and they make up their mind that it would be no good if I go to the person.

Well, that's not your job.

To make up your mind that it would do no good anyway.

Jesus says, go, go, and go alone.

You and them.

Now listen, I understand.

Maybe, you know, a lady was offended by a guy and you need to bring your husband.

Okay, okay.

Pastor said, go and go alone.

Okay.

But what it does not mean, it does not say, not three of you get together, not seven of you get together.

Over and over and over, he says, I've forgiven your sins.

We are a Matthew 18 church.

Hear me.

Let me let me let me paint it out a little bit.

If Jason has a problem with Benji, should Jason go talk to Dale about it?

If uh Benji has a problem with Jason, should Benji go get Joe and uh Austin and Ryan and have a committee about the thing he's got a problem with.

No! It is the ungodliest thing to talk over with somebody else, someone else's issue.

We get a few people together and we explain what we don't like, and before long, we're leading an unbiblical posse into sabotage.

Let's get him.

It's an attack against unity, and Satan loves that kind of stuff.

And when you get groups like this together and they're big enough, what's gonna happen?

Somebody over here is gonna talk to somebody over here about somebody over here, and Satan loves.

He's just stir, stir it up.

He loves to stir it up.

Gets them to go.

What do you think about this?

And well, let's go see what they think about this, and before long, something has been created.

But, Pastor, the Bible says there's wisdom in a multitude of counselors.

Yes, it does, and it's talking about your problem alone that you're dealing with.

Getting a new job, finding out about something in your finances, you dealing with something.

It's not talking about, well, let me get a let me find out what they think about their problem.

That's so ungodly.

All it is is disunifying.

If someone comes to you to talk about someone else, this is what I want you to start doing.

Okay, this is what I want you to do.

Okay, I want you to take one finger, lift in the hair, take the other finger, lift in the hair, stick it in your ears and say, No! I bet they'll think twice before coming to you again with some gossip.

I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not talking about my brother.

Let's or take them and say, Let's go to them right now.

Let's go to them right now.

If you really have a problem.

And here's the thing about that that I love if you go to them for resolution.

Restoration in them alone.

You know why it works?

Because it's not drama.

And most people don't like conflict that much.

So they, if they have to decide between going to somebody alone, before long they have to think and they go, is this really worth making the fuss?

Is this a biblical problem?

And many times they'll never ever go.

Because they've dealt with it and they said, I'll just have grace.

We're talking about a real biblical problem.

He says, Go to them.

And give them a chance to explain.

Are they not a brother?

If somebody has offended you, if you go to them, then you give them a chance.

Don't they need that?

Aren't they owed that a chance to explain if they did have a mess up?

A chance for correction.

And if they don't, at that point, then Matthew 18 tells us what else to do.

Then take a few more spiritual people so that each side can be heard.

Why?

Galatians 6:1.

Galatians 6:1

This is why.

Brethren, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, lest you be tempted.

He said, Do it so that you can restore them for restoration with your family member.

The person that's offended you, this is what it says.

Go to them.

Don't call the aunt, don't call the cousin, don't call sister so-and-so.

Go to them.

Give them the opportunity for correction.

If they don't after that, continue.

Matthew 18.

The whole point is restoration to be restored.

Why?

Because listen to me, that is what the gospel is all about.

Jesus, God on a cross, died for your and my sins to restore humanity.

He loves restoration.

And when we were far from God, it says while we were yet sinners, he died for us.

He didn't come and try to fix us up first.

He offered restoration.

Do you offer the same?

Well, listen, I understand there's some difficult things.

Pastor, my family member hurt me.

What do I do?

Hear me.

Go to them.

Now tell them, listen to me, tell them your specific hurt.

If you've been hurt, speak your specific hurt.

Do not speak in generalities.

Speak your specific hurt and give them a chance.

I know this is hard.

For some people, this has gone on for 20 years and it's been buried back in the closet somewhere.

And every now and then it comes up and needs to be dealt with.

It says, go to them.

If they don't apologize to you, this is what you know, you've done your part.

You can sleep at night going, I know I've done what Scripture told me I should do.

If you have hurt someone, number one, confess to God.

If you have hurt someone and you look back and listen, you've lived long enough and I have too, you've hurt some people.

And so confess to God specifically your sin and then go to them and apologize for the specific wrong.

Name your sin.

You say, Pastor, you don't know it's messy.

Okay.

I get it.

Sin is messy.

You need to name your specific sin to them.

Don't say I'm sorry in general, I'm sorry for the person I used to be.

I'm sorry there was a time where I was a mess.

They were hurt specifically, so you need to address specifically.

Fathers to kids, husbands to wives, wives to husbands.

Then you'll know that you've done your part.

And hear me, you can't be held responsible for how somebody responds to you.

But you are held responsible for what you do.

You can't say, well, I don't know how they're gonna act.

You don't.

You're not responsible for how they're gonna respond.

You're responsible for your part.

For you.

Hear me, church.

Say sorry often.

Don't let pride keep you back.

Families, listen to me, life is too short.

It's too short to be ruined by pride.

Life is too short to miss out on love and a minister in grace.

Do this, church, today.

Why?

Verse 13 told us why.

Even as Christ forgave you, so you must do.

Well, I read this story this week that I wanted to share with you.

Matt Switzel was a fireman and he had a late night shift.

And because he worked so long and so late, he got into his car, he began driving and didn't mean to, but he fell asleep at the wheel.

When he fell asleep at the wheel, he awoke into a crash and devastation.

When he woke up, he saw another vehicle in pieces.

And when the wreckage was cleared, it was verified that that crash took the life of June Fitzgerald and injured her 19-month-old daughter.

Matt Switzer was horrified with what happened and devastated at his actions.

The judge still looked down and sentenced Matt to a prison sentence.

Well, the unlikely story of a friendship that would grow.

June Fitzgerald's husband was devastated.

But in a display of compassion and forgiveness, he made a visit down to the prison.

And he got before Matt Switzel.

And he cried.

And he shared that it was devastating.

June Fitzgerald's husband there just tearful.

After their meeting, June's husband said, I want you to know something.

I forgive you.

I know that you didn't mean for this to happen.

I love my wife, but I forgive you.

And he went from there and went to the judge, and he asked the judge, would you please lower this man's sentence?

And because he kept going and his persistence, that sentence was diminished.

And what happened because of his visits, this friendship began to be forged.

To this day, these men remain friends.

And when Fitzgerald was asked, how could he do that?

he said, This you forgive as you have been forgiven.

Listen to me, church, some 2,000 years ago, Jesus had been mocked, he had been scourged, he had been beaten with a whip, he had been spat on, he had been nailed through his feet and through his hands, he had a crown of thorns placed on his head.

And he got on a sinner's cross, and he was on that sinner's cross in Luke.

And right before his death, as they were mocking him and cursing his name, he said this.

Take a moment and text CCW Connect to 94,000.

Thank you again for joining us on the CCW podcast.

We hope you'll make plans to join us in person on Sundays.