Contend For Right Sex

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Good morning, CCW.

Amen.

Get your Bibles out and turn them to 1 Corinthians chapter 6.

1 Corinthians 6 · chapter mention

Title of today's message is Contend for Right Sex.

Amen.

What is right sex?

Let me give this disclaimer.

If you got children in here, I'm going to be sharing God's truth in a way that they should hear.

But I understand the tension.

And I thought about that with those younger.

I grew up in a Christian home.

Never have I not been in church.

And I grew up in a Christian school.

In the days in the 80s in the Christian school, we had health class, but never once in health class did they teach us what is taught today.

So I had no idea of this topic.

And in fact, the only thing that ever came up was a real awkward conversation with my father.

And all I could think was, you guys do that.

I'm done with you people.

And it left me in the position that I was in to believe that the church thought that this topic was bad.

And it left me to believe the church people thought it was bad, although it was obvious there's plenty of kids running around my church.

But it was taboo to talk about.

And I don't think that anything in this book should be taboo to talk about.

Genesis 2.24 is where we really uh parked last week on biblical marriage, and as an extension of that study, it says to leave and to cleave.

And we talked about that picture of the union of a male and female in covenant with God.

But there's a physical act described in that scripture.

He tells us to go forth, be fruitful, and multiply.

And that physical act is a male and female to becoming one.

God's design from Genesis.

It's always been his design.

And often procreation is the process in which children are created, but not always.

So we have to imply there that God's design was not just for procreation, but for the union of two to become one and for pleasure.

And I just believe that we must contend for right sex.

Would you pray with me?

Father, we love you.

And we are thankful that you are a God with beautiful creations and designs and intentions.

And God, Lord, help us not to miss out on the beauty of all that you have set forth for us.

And help us, God, in a world that's got this twisted up.

For us to have clarity and God, for us to understand exactly what you set forth.

And help us, Lord, I pray for our marriages in this church.

Lord, that there would be clear communication.

Lord, I pray for those who are not married, who are maybe single and waiting, or who are teenagers in here or young.

Lord, that you would help them to understand what you meant this to be in your word.

Lord, we love you and we thank you in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Point number one this morning is this a talk to the waiting.

I don't know if you know this.

22.1% of the population are 18 and under.

33% of our population are divorced, widowed, or young singles.

So that makes 55% of the population fall in the category of should be waiting or celibacy.

The Bible says that some are called to a life of celibacy, to be absent, either for a season, some for a lifetime.

In fact, 1 Corinthians 7, just so that you can see it, 7 through 9, Paul speaks on it.

For I wish that all men were even as I myself.

But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner, another in that.

But I say to the unmarried, hear this, and to the widows, it is good for them if they can remain as I am.

But if they cannot exercise self-control, then let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Paul said, it is good for people who can remain single to do that.

So I want you to know that that is a category of this.

Celibacy, Paul said, is a gift from God.

God calls some people, I know some here are saying, Man, I didn't sign up for this, Pastor.

God calls some people not to have sex.

And it's throughout the scripture I can give you examples.

I believe that if you study it, John the Baptist didn't have sex.

I believe there was a time at least where Paul is mentioning his progress without sex.

I believe Jesus Christ is an example.

Martha, Mary, Lazarus.

If you look at Old Testament prophets, we've got Elijah and Elisha.

And Pastor Dave was sharing even this week of scripture in Jeremiah, and it looks like even Daniel.

And so there are many who have this calling in their life.

By the way, side note, when people have struggles in other ways with sex and struggles with uh looking towards, which we'll look at, perversions of sex, I think this is an option.

Celibacy is an option.

And so I want you to know I'm not just going to talk to married people because this tells me 55% of the people that are here fall into another category, but 45% married.

So, letter A this morning, I want to tell you right out of the gate, sexual aspiration is right.

To those without the gift of celibacy, sexual aspiration is right.

Hebrews 13 4 said, marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled.

That word bed undefiled means in marriage, the bed is pure.

Within the context of marriage, there is nothing that defiles that.

In marriage, one male, one female, we're gonna look at things that do defile it, but it is honorable.

It is, in other words, it is a good thing, it is a God plan.

Sex as intended by God is good.

Let me tell you, if you need a book to read on it, I want you to turn to Song of Solomon.

Okay?

People laugh and stuff about the idea of this book, but it is a book in the Bible you should read.

It is a song of poetic love.

No writer today has any steam on the writing of Song of Solomon.

I want to tell you.

If you like those kind of novels, you need to read this one.

I'll give you an easy one.

Song of Solomon 1, 2, it says, kiss me and kiss me again.

Doesn't that sound good, married folks?

Kiss me and kiss me again.

I'll not read to you chapter 4 and 5.

I think you should read it, but chapter 4 and 5 covers the honeymoon.

The groom goes on in verses 1 through 7 to describe his wife's body exquisitely with many details.

The bride then invites her groom to, how can I say this?

Love her well.

It's in the Bible, and it's intimate and it's biblical and it's right.

Before we were created, God designed sex.

I want you to hear from the pulpit today, you are not dirty for wanting it.

You're human.

Sex is meant for one male and one female joined in a covenant, and it is the ultimate picture of cleaving, that paralose, that glue to becoming one is God's picture.

Marriage, it said, is honored, it's beautiful, and the bed undefiled.

Sex between a husband and a wife is not polluted.

It's God's plan and it's not cause for shame.

If you're married today and you feel ashamed sexually, there's some concerns.

And I want to tell you, and I know this is touchy, there's maybe some reasons that you feel that way, and that's not God's design for you.

He says it's undefiled, it's not polluted.

God wants you to enjoy in this area.

And there may be some struggles that you're going through and need walk through, but sexual aspiration is right, let her be.

Sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong.

It is wrong.

Look at First Corinthians 6 verse 18.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Outside of marriage.

Flee, sexual immorality.

Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

2 Timothy 2 22 said this, another same word that we saw in 1 Corinthians.

It says, flee, youthful lust, pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace.

And so it says, flee, sexual immorality.

It says that word is pornea, and it says flee.

I used to tell the teenagers all the time, do what the Bible says literally.

Ladies, girls, teen girls, so I want you to hear this.

If you go to the boy's house and it begins to get a little handsy with you, jump up and run.

The Bible said, flee.

If you do that, I bet it won't happen again.

You flee.

You say, Well, Pastor, Joseph in scripture literally fled from the hand of old scandalous Potiphar's wife.

She had his robe in her clutches, and you know what he did?

He did a biblical thing.

He fled.

He got out of there.

The Bible says, sprint out the door.

Because any act like this, outside of marriage, before marriage, is wrong.

And he says in 1 Corinthians 6 there, it's something that we commit.

Every sin is outside of your body, except this sin is something that we do unto our own self.

Me and my friends were a mess, but around age 16, we were riding down the road, and we got this great idea that we were gonna smash.

Listen, kids, none of y'all do this, okay?

But we're gonna smash some mailboxes with a baseball bat while driving down the road.

Okay, this is all good and fun and everything until you're going about 50 miles an hour.

I'm in the passenger seat and I got the bat.

And it's my turn, and I see what looks like a good one.

Bam! I smashed this box.

We're going about 50.

That bat came swinging back around and hit me in the back of my head and knocked me into the seat.

This was an act of violence from myself to myself.

And I deserved it.

And I don't want to hit no mailboxes after that.

This is how Paul describes sex outside of marriage.

He says, as an act of violence, it's an act against your own self.

Song of Solomon, which I already mentioned, said this, although this is a steamy book of love, before it starts in Song of Solomon, he said, verse, or chapter 8, verse 3, he says, Do not stir up love before it's ready.

Don't stir it up before it's time.

But Pastor Rick, he or she loves me.

What should I do?

You should do nothing.

That's what you should do.

But he said he loves me.

No, if he loves you, he will respect you and your purity, and he will not want you to be his tool for his fulfillment.

He doesn't love you, he lusts you.

I want to give you two practical, vital tools with this.

If you haven't got a pen, get a pen out.

These are two letters from God on this.

Here they are.

You ready?

Number one, N.

Number two, O.

You got it?

No! If you're Southern, if you need to say it in the Southern, three letters, G-I-T.

Y'all got that?

Git.

Sex outside of marriage is wrong.

Number two, we're gonna talk about it.

Talk to the wayward.

Stay there in 1 Corinthians chapter 6.

1 Corinthians 6 · chapter mention

I want to read starting in verse number 12.

It says, all things are lawful for me.

Here's the thing, church, you can do what you want to do.

All things are lawful, but not all are helpful.

All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

Foods for the stomach, the stomach for food, but God will destroy it and them.

Now the body is not for sexual immorality, but for the Lord.

I like that.

And the Lord for the body.

And God both raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?

Shall I then take the member of Christ and make them members of a harlot?

Certainly not.

Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one with her?

For the two, he says, become one.

But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

I read verse 18 already, but it says, flee sexual immorality.

This is a sexual immorality is a sin against your own body, verse 19.

Or do you not know, hear this, that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own.

For you were bought at a price.

Therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

Letter A this morning, there is this physical shape, is designated as the Holy Spirit sanctuary.

I know that's a mouthful.

Let me describe.

The body, it says, is a temple.

The Old Testament temple was a place that people went to and they sang songs and they prayed prayers and they offered and rendered praise.

Hands were raised and clapped, and hearts were rendered unto their God.

The temple was a place, a physical place of worship.

It was a place where people served and they sacrificed and they gave offerings.

I bet when you come to this temple, this two hours every week, they're not your worst two hours of the whole week.

I'm just willing to bet that.

I bet they're probably not your most sin-filled hours of the week.

And I hope to God they're not sexually immoral.

But we live in a society when they think about the body, it has inundated culture with this outlook that's crass about sex.

Here's a line from a Hollywood movie.

Maybe you've heard it.

It said, You're 15 years old.

It's not a big deal, it's just sex.

Help us.

Satan schemes to delude every mind to believe it's just an activity, it's your opinion, and you can choose pleasure however you want, and it's just for you.

It's just not that big a deal.

It's casual.

I want to tell you today, church, sex is not casual.

Khaki pants and a polo are casual.

There's nothing casual about two people being naked together.

You wouldn't casually go through your workday undressed.

That's not casual.

Nothing is casual about two becoming one in a picture, the union of Jesus Christ's love for his bride, the church.

Nothing is casual about the word commitment.

You see, but culture has so downgraded the temple, and they say this do whatever you want to your body.

It's your body, it's your choice, whatever pleasure, whatever way you want.

But that is not the design that's described in scripture.

He said, Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit of the living God.

The great issue is that we have so lowered the standards.

Hear me.

You are a son and a daughter of a king.

That's a high standard.

And you carry within your body the greatest news that there has ever been, the gospel.

And it's displayed in this short vapor called life.

God wants to use your body as a holy vessel and your marriage as a picture of Jesus Christ.

This is not casual.

Romans 12.

In fact, along those lines says this about your body.

So I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable, God, which is your reasonable service.

And hear this.

It's what I'm saying with culture.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

He says, Don't be conformed, don't fall into that, don't get into that twisted mess.

Well, what is that twisted mess?

Let her be.

Perversions of sex degrades our hearts and our souls.

What are the things that we need to be aware of?

Well, the Old Testament temple that I talked about was a place of death.

And Colossians, if you got a moment, you can uh track over there Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

But it was a place that was given to death, and you could not enter the temple because of the sacrifices that were given.

Millions of animals sacrificed for sin.

You couldn't encounter the temple without encountering the fragrance of death.

Want you to think on that, because Colossians 3, verse 1 through 5, it says, If then you were raised with Christ, if you're a Christian, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Colossians 3:1–5

Set your mind on things above, not on things of this earth, for you died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

When Christ who is our life appears, then you will also appear with him in glory.

Listen to this about death and think on the temple.

Therefore, put to death your members which are on the earth.

Fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

He says, These things have to be put to death.

I've already talked about one, but the first perversion of sex is sex before marriage.

Again, Song of Solomon, hear me, students today.

He said, Do not stir it up before it's time.

And when it's time is when you got one of these on your finger and you've said I do.

That's when it's time.

And I want to tell you something just for free.

When you stir it up in any sense, your body is made.

People never told me any of this.

I just had to go out on my your body is made, hear me, young men, to hit home runs.

Nobody gets too excited about singles.

Are you hearing me, softball players and baseball players?

Okay?

I'm just telling the truth.

So when you begin to stir something up, and Solomon said, Don't stir it up, you're fighting against yourself.

And it's a tough battle.

Parents, this is a good, it's an awkward conversation, but you need to talk to them about boundaries within your home right now before it's too late.

And that body says, No, I'm not good staying right there.

Because that's the way it's made.

We were made for this, but within the context of marriage.

So it says, don't stir it up.

So one perversion is before marriage.

The second that I want you to see is the word adultery.

The word adultery means, the word is adulterate, which means to render something poor in quality by adding another substance.

I want you to turn to Proverbs chapter 6 for a moment.

Proverbs 6 · chapter mention

The adulteration of marriage is by adding a third person.

To adulterate means to add something and make it poor by adding something.

Proverbs chapter 6, verse 25, it says, Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids, for by means of a harlot, a man is reduced to a Of bread, and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.

Proverbs 6:25

Can a man hear this?

Can a man, this is what I'm talking about, don't stir things up.

Can a man take fire to his bosom and his clothes not be burned?

Can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be seared?

Anyone?

Can you do that?

I didn't think you could.

So is he who goes into his neighbor's wife.

Adultery.

The adulteration of marriage is adding something that was never intended to be added.

And here's the thing: even secular society sees this and understands it.

A moral person who has taken a vow of marriage understands that if you add a third person, that is called cheating.

Right?

If you add to that marriage, you are being a cheat.

If you sleep with another person, it's being a cheat.

By the way, and I don't have a scripture of this, but I just find it very problematic when somebody of the opposite sex becomes very close with somebody else of the opposite sex.

Workplaces, I know you say, well, I'm grown and I can handle it.

Listen, it's very problematic when people of the opposite sex are married, and many affairs happen when people get close, and all of a sudden this lady or this guy says, Well, I just gotta talk to my buddy on the phone, just my buddy, and they're on the phone for an hour.

I don't think so.

I'm gonna tell you one thing.

I ain't never going to lunch with a lady who's my buddy.

Y'all hear me?

That's a boundary.

I don't want that third person involved in a marriage that's meant for two people.

All right?

Suddenly this happens.

1 Corinthians 10 13 says, There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man, where God will make a way of escape.

You better have a plan for things and escapes.

You better have boundaries.

Safeguard your marriage with boundaries.

Adultery is ripping marriages apart.

For what?

Forty minutes of feeling will rip apart 20 years of love.

What are we doing?

Well, there's a second type of perversion I want you to hear when it comes to adultery.

It's pornographic adultery.

Matthew 5, 28 says, To look on a woman and lust in your heart after her.

You've committed adultery already.

Pornography is a secret sin that is ruining marriages.

We're living in a time that society would have you believe men are just men, and boys will be boys, and girls, when they get old enough, they'll experiment.

That's garbage.

But we live in a society that's saying it.

Schlafer said that divorce rates nearly double on individuals who have indulged in pornographic materials.

Here that doubles.

There's over 25 million websites for pornography.

That's almost 20% of all of the internet.

Do you think we're on attack?

We are on attack.

And here's the thing: if I asked anyone here today, what are your thoughts on trafficking?

I'm pretty sure that 100% of the crowd would look back to me and say, Pastor, I think it's so awful.

I think it's heinous, the activity that goes on in trafficking.

And here's the deal trafficking is a devaluation of women, girls, and children in society being used as objects.

It's awful.

And when I think on that, I want you to know a child, a person is not a sexual activity.

Yet men and women are hijacking our sons and daughters and children daily looking at videos and pictures.

That's somebody's child, that's somebody's sister, that's somebody's mother, that's somebody's son, and it's constantly bombarding through images.

If there is a problem in your life, I'm telling you, today is a day to deal with that.

If you have a phone problem, if you have a video problem or an internet problem, and hear me, I'm not in judgment.

I've sat with people, and there are sexual addiction counselors.

And you may need it.

You may need that help and accountability.

It's a perversion.

Well, Romans had more to say about perversions.

I hit some of this last week, but Romans 1, 24 through 27, I want to read.

If you'll turn there.

It says, Therefore, God also gave them up to uncleanness in the lust of their hearts to dishonor their bodies among themselves.

Hear those words.

Highlight, underline, there gets a lot of discrepancy here.

Uncleanness and dishonor.

This is what God gave them up to.

They exchanged the truth of God, God's truth for marriage, God's truth for sex and marriage, and they worshiped and served the creature, myself, rather than the creator who is blessed forever.

For this reason, God gave them up to their vile passions.

For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.

Likewise also the men leaving their natural use of the woman burned in their lust one for another, men with men, committing what is shameful and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error, which was due.

I hit some of this last week, but another perversion, the LGBQT, the whole deal of it, the thing that I want you to hear about perversion of God's natural order.

When you accept any perversion in the name and for the sake of love, you have to be willing to open the doorway to accept all perversion in the name and the sake of love.

Governor Newsom in California had a bill presented that believes a 14-year-old girl or boy is mature enough to consent to sex with someone who is up to 10 years older.

And I hope that you hear that and you go, man, that's that's pedophile, right?

But when you begin to accept other forms of perversion in the name of love, you have to then look at the person who says, But I love them.

And I don't care that they're 10 years younger.

I love them, I truly love them, and this this we we can't stop love.

Passing that in that same bill, there's language that says this it allows a judge to decide whether or not to list someone as a sexual offender based on the kind of sex that they had had with a minor.

Church, any sex with a minor is pedophilia.

And I know that you would say that is just perverted.

But if you open the door in the name of love to a perversion, you open every door.

You think I'm joking?

Australian Joseph Geis bent down to his knee to kiss his labrador honey in an official wedding ceremony.

His dog.

I know that everyone here understands the depravity.

And hear me well.

If you open any door to perversion in the name of love, you have to open every door.

Where does this end?

Well, Genesis 6 had something to say, Colossians, which we read, and Romans 2.

I'll read Romans 2.

Genesis 6 said, Every man did that which was right in his own eyes, and guess what happened?

A worldwide flood.

Further, in Sodom, God destroyed a city for its depravity.

And Romans 2, after it goes through and saying all of the vile things that were allowed, look at verse 5 and 6.

But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart, you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who will render to each one according to his deeds.

The end of that Colossians verse when it says, You should put these things to death, said, Because of these things, the wrath of God is coming.

The hand of God falls off a nation who does not exalt God and does not exalt the things that God puts forth in this scripture.

I want to tell you, perversions of sex are calling out for the wrath of God.

And it's a scary thing.

Well, it takes me to the third thing this morning.

It's this a talk to the wedded.

Those of you that are married today, that are here.

Listen, if you're not married, this is important information that you need to understand so that you can share it, or you may get married, or maybe you'll have children, grandchildren, or someone to teach.

It's important that you understand God's word when it comes to this.

Again, in Genesis 2, God institutes marriage and says, one male, one female, cleave.

In Matthew, Jesus quoted Genesis and said, We need to cleave.

In Ephesians 5, Paul quotes again Genesis and says, and male and female cleave.

I think we need to get the picture of this word cleave.

He says, it's to glue, it's to attach.

Your marriage is to affix to something and to become one.

And it's like that for the remainder of your marriage.

You are cleaved together.

Nothing in Genesis says, No, let no man separate what God has brought together.

Let nothing divide asunder the thing that's been glued.

How do we remain that picture?

Turn back to 1 Corinthians.

How do we remain that picture?

Letter A is contact and connection.

How do we do this right within marriage?

1 Corinthians chapter 7, verses 2 through 5.

1 Corinthians 7:2–5

It says, after Paul says, Listen, I don't I I have the gift of celibacy.

I'm not going to touch or be with a woman, but nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife.

And let each woman have her own husband.

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband.

And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Verse 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Contact and connection is letter A.

Let a husband, he said, render to his wife affection she is due.

That word affection is nyun yah.

And it has to do with your conjugal married rights.

But I need you today to understand these five words.

The affection she is due.

One part of this is, in fact, the physical contact and connection that happens within marriage.

But I want you husbands to understand this.

For a woman, I've been taught this intimate connection is much like a dimmer switch.

It starts when she wakes up.

Connection with your wife is not one contact.

Okay?

Connection with your wife is all day long, and we are built so differently, men, and I'm sorry, but it's just true.

Our minds are compartmentalized, and we're here and here, and a woman's brain is all over planet earth, back and around again.

And so you must connect with your wife.

There must be contact and connection.

A wife needs many provisions.

Render her the things she is due.

She needs many provisions.

Listen, a lot of men will go to work all week long and say, but I provide and I pay the bills.

Okay.

That's very much needed.

I understand we live in a side and we need money.

We need finances.

We need a provider.

But providing is much more than finances, providing his spiritual leadership, providing his emotional leadership, providing his physical leadership, providing his all kinds of things.

Your husband or your wife needs you to provide in many ways.

Render to her the affection she is due.

Husband, we've been called the gardener of a great garden.

If you'll tend to your garden, flowers will bloom.

You may need water, you may need sunlight.

There's all kinds of things that needs to happen for something to work right.

But you need to understand the affection that she is due.

And likewise, ladies, it says, likewise, and render unto the husband the affection he is due.

Takes a lot of maintenance.

So we have uh we've got a suburban, and when we got the suburban, it was brand new.

And I'm telling you, when you got something brand new, look, there wasn't nobody messing with it but the dealership, because it was brand new.

And the only people that knew how to change oil on a brand new car was the dealership.

And so we're gonna spend extra money because the dealership is the only one gonna touch that.

You know, like they back there with lab coats or something on, and they're carefully taking the oil filter, right?

And we vacuum the car.

I mean, we would vacuum the clean carpet, like, well, we got the lines in it now, right?

Because it's clean and it's new and it was getting washed and the gas wasn't allowed to go over half empty because it's new and it's exciting, and dare them kids to get in there with food, you disgusting filthy pigs in the new car.

But over time, I've learned what becomes convenient, even with a new car, is sort of what kind of happens.

And there we were and spent an hour or something yesterday cleaning out the newest of our cars.

And I I took A1 sauce that was in a cup.

There was nachos.

I mean, I got I'm not I'm not gonna downgrade my kids, but I'm just saying they eat some stuff and it was nasty and it stunk.

And this is the newest car.

You know what?

It needed maintenance.

And when we were done and we were through, and we had been through the car wash, you looked around, and you know what?

This feels pretty good.

Feels good again.

The car feels nice because it's been maintained.

Well, I've got a car that's an O3 Expedition, and it's gonna be Wyatt's car.

And by the way, if you got teenagers, and I can say this, he's not in the room, and you got a teenage boy, you should give him the biggest metal something that you're okay with getting wrecked, and all of it.

Anyway, I had hay in the car because I've gotten hay and pulled it over, it was everywhere.

And uh there's a window broke, I had hay in the car, and the air conditioner wasn't working, and we were riding to school one day to get, and I think we were both a little disgusted about the situation as hay was blowing through the car with no AC, and it was hitting us in the face, and he's driving practicing his hitting us, and he wouldn't say a word to me, and we're just driving, and I'm like, oh, this is nasty.

So I left there and I took it straight to the car wash, and I began cleaning, and I began, it took me a long time.

I'm telling you, don't, if you got a truck, pick up hay that way.

Don't put it in a place that has a carpet.

Okay, it was all over, and I'm just vacuuming, vacuuming, vacuuming.

Finally, I get all the hay gone.

And then I got some spray and I sprayed the dashboard because that needed clean, and I'm spraying the windows and got some guessing, and I fixed the window, and some guy, a fella here at church, Greg, told me how to fix an air conditioner, and so I went and got the AC charge.

I had never done that, I was so excited that we hadn't had an AC in weeks.

Pumped that thing, and it worked! And I picked Wyatt up.

I was so proud.

I couldn't wait to pick him up from school when he was done with football.

And he gets in and he looked around, and no straw hitting us.

Right?

And he's driving, there's a little bit, oh maybe even a smile got on his face.

And I said, Hey, do you feel anything?

And he looked at me and said, It's cold in here.

I was like, Yeah! You know what?

When I maintained something that was even a little older, wasn't the brand new car, it was even a little older.

When we maintained something, when we got things fixed and we got it right, you know what?

It feels good to drive in that car.

Well, maybe there's one other category.

I was thinking about some of you there.

How many of you here have been married 30 or 40 years or more?

A lot of you.

There's another car.

Who?

The classic.

I got a GTX, and let me tell you, when I take it out and bring it back, I hand clean it.

I'm never taking it to a car wash where one of them rubber things can get a scratch on the classic.

And so I hand towel wipe it.

I've cleaned the inside.

I make sure the gas is full because I ran out once.

I listen, I wipe the tires.

It is pristine.

Why?

Because that thing is way too valuable to me to let even the littlest nick, the littlest scratch, the littlest pollution to touch it.

Church, we should be filled with marriages that are classics.

I want to tell you today, a little bit of maintenance might shock you in your marriage.

A little bit of upkeep on something that's been broken, a little bit of an awkward conversation, a little bit of work may surprise you.

You may sit back and go, you know what?

This is a lot more enjoyable than I thought.

It just took some work.

But I desire that church, every marriage that you look at your marriage and you can look at it and say, It's like the classic.

Man, I don't want anything.

I don't want anything to mess with my wife.

God has given me the Proverbs 31 woman, and she is more valuable than precious rubies.

I don't want anything to mess with this marriage, and I will not let something, a third thing, come in or anything else, because to me, after almost 20 years, it's a classic, and I love it.

I don't want anything to hurt it.

When I see her, I see love.

And when I see her, I see 20 years of love.

And when I see her, I think of three kids and I see so much love.

I don't want anything to mess with it.

Pastor Rick, how do I maintenance my marriage?

Make it practical for me.

I thought of a couple of tools that have been meaningful in my life.

There's a book, most of you have probably heard of these things, but I the concept you need to reevaluate.

There's a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

And the five love languages are these quality time, acts of service, gifts, physical touch, and words of affirmation.

I'm gonna say them one more time because there are people here you need to write it down.

Everybody has these.

Okay?

Five love languages, quality time.

Somebody, that's their love language, they need quality time.

Words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts.

My wife is high on quality time.

I know that for her, quality time means something, and when I make the effort to have quality time with her, and sometimes the week is in disarray, and I just gotta stop and I gotta take her to Starbucks, or I gotta take her to breakfast because the week we have been running past each other as so-and-so's mom and dad.

That's how we've existed.

There's Callie's mom, there's Wyatt's dad, and we're just going like this, and we're missing a whole lot of husband and wife.

And we do pretty good as husband and wife, but she can get real ticked off at what Wyatt's dad.

Because that guy sometimes is a jerk.

And he's a little self-centered.

Right?

And so, quality time.

Her secondary to me is a mix of the rest.

I identify with what one man said.

He said his primary was physical touch, and when asked about his secondary, he said, touch me again.

By the way, don't look at me like that and think of me like that.

I thought about this.

I lost family members at a young age, and a grandfatherly figure can come put his arm around my shoulder, and I'll melt a little.

Bit inside.

It's not because I want him in any physical sense, it's because I connect with that touch.

I've missed it.

I need it.

And so some of you, many of you, and you embrace me at the door, you don't know.

It's something that I need.

And we connect in those ways.

Well, verse 5, we need to get back to this connection.

Verse 5, it said, do not deprive one another of intimacy.

Do not deprive them of one another.

Hear me.

I want you to hear this.

I don't believe sex is everything, but it's important.

For people to make this important in their marriage, it shows thought, it shows intent, and it shows consideration.

To have a quality sex life, it takes these things.

Because I want to tell you, and Satan will put it in front of you, there are going to be many reasons to be tired, overwhelmed, and disconnected from your husband and your wife.

It takes intention to parallelose.

He said, leave and cleave.

He gave us that picture as a first commandment.

Cleave.

The two should be one.

Married people.

I want to tell you today, God wants you to have sex.

Paul said, in short, don't stop being faithful to being intimate.

Unless you're fasting.

So you can take that, and I'm not going to tell you what to do with the calendar, but he said, Don't stop being intimate.

I like what one pastor challenges church congregation and said for the next seven days every day.

He said, Don't stop being intimate.

Why?

Not only does it fulfill you, and it's a picture of what Jesus Christ did for us, but it thwarts.

Paul said, it thwarts being tempted.

We will have a whole lot less adultery if people would pay attention to their spouses and ask awkward questions and make time.

Listen, it's nobody's fault, but it's both everybody's fault.

You have to enter an awkward conversation.

You've got to deal with a little back and forth and sacrifice.

But he's not trying to hold it back.

God is not in heaven that way.

He created, designed, and designated sex as a gift.

And I'll quote Pastor Christian Newsom who says, So romance your spouse and be like Nike.

That's all I'll say about that.

Letter B.

Communication and conversation.

Well, how do we get there?

One of the biggest issues with sex is we need to be better communicators.

Our creator, when you think about it, in his ability to create with so much variety, we are so different, men and women.

There's 2,500 tests available to figure out your personality type.

And I've done some of them.

There's the MMPI, Hexaco, MBTI.

Pastor Danny had us doing tests, whether we were a beaver, otter, or retriever.

I don't even remember which one I am, but all these tests, and here's what I need you to know men and women are just wired very different.

And since we are so different in how we give and receive communication, we've got to work at it.

We've got to work at it.

We've got to communicate.

Life is not the notebook.

Life is not Romeo and Juliet or the Titanic.

Life is not these things.

Marriage is made up of two flawed individuals who are so different.

And it takes a lot of work, it takes a lot of submission, and it takes a lot of grace.

If you want to have better sex in your marriage, then you better communicate.

You have to care enough.

Ask questions.

Ask your spouse.

Be open and honest when you're asking.

Never once.

In 20 years of pastoring, have I had anybody, not one person sit across from my desk talking about their marriage.

Never once has somebody said to me, Pastor, my husband just overcommunicates.

All the time, all the time.

He's so communicative.

I don't even know what that's a word.

He just talk, talk, talk, and communicates.

And I can't take it.

He's checking on me at two and four and six.

I hate this.

Never had that.

But you know what I have had?

I've had people look at me and say, I don't even know who they are anymore.

I woke up one day, and who I was married to is a different person.

I've had people say, Pastor Rick, we haven't been intimate in months.

How?

How did this happen?

I want to take you to 1 Peter.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

Chapter 3.

What can we do about this?

Look at verse 7 through 11.

I just hope to give you a little enclosing, some practical advice.

And hear me, church, I'm with you.

I am in marriage and I'm learning in marriage.

I don't have this all figured out.

I'm reading his book and I'm reading my wife and I'm doing my best.

I'm so thankful for what God's given me.

It says, husbands, likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another.

Love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous, not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you would inherit a blessing.

For he who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lip from speaking deceit.

Let him turn away from evil and do good.

Let him hear this marriages.

Seek peace and pursue it.

Couple of practical thoughts for your marriages.

Number one, overlook small problems.

Don't turn everything into a firestorm.

We're flawed.

We're not like that romance book.

We're not like that movie.

Number two, practice being a good listener.

Man, you don't always have to fix everything.

It would fix a lot of things if you would listen.

This letter vent.

Same for women.

Sometimes he comes home and work has been hard and he's hit with something that he doesn't know what to do.

Maybe just listen.

Number three, be careful of insecurities.

Getting inside your head can get inside your marriage.

Number four, be careful of distractions.

I've said this a bunch in this church, but I'm gonna say it again.

Be careful of how you look to someone else.

Be careful of how you look.

What is your motivation for what you're putting on?

Be careful, ladies and men, today, how you look to someone else.

And second to that, be careful of how you look at someone else.

Men, these eyes are for your wife.

That's it.

Be careful how you look and how you look.

Five, be careful of pride and self.

Six, be careful of unrealistic expectations.

I said this last week, but your wife or your husband cannot be your source of happiness.

That's idolatry.

You cannot put everything on their shoulders for the happiness of your house and your life.

Number seven, maintenance often.

Do a checkup.

Sometimes it's gonna take a date.

Me and Heather have a Friday date every Friday.

The only thing that'll get in the way of a Friday date is sometimes a funeral.

I gotta spend time with her.

We gotta talk.

Every now and then I gotta enter and start the awkward conversation of how are you really?

This is what you need to do, man.

How are you really?

How are you spiritually?

Are you still happy in our church and ministry?

Are you still happy in our home?

I've got to ask these questions.

Why?

Because I'm the gardener and it's my garden.

So maintenance often.

And the A thing when it comes to biblical marriage, life is short.

Have fun.

Laugh often.

You've got this one shot at it.

But I want to help you with something, and then I'm gonna close with a biblical illustration.

So what do I do, Pastor?

My marriage is here or there or struggling.

I want to help you leaving today.

I'm just gonna give you a time.

Four o'clock today is when you start the conversation.

You might start when you walk out of here, but don't skip four o'clock today.

You know there's something wrong, and I care enough to want you to leave fixing it.

So four o'clock, you say, Hey, can we talk?

Can we just talk about this?

I got some stuff, and I don't know where I'm at, but I care enough and I want to talk.

Can we talk?

I know some of you are already mad at me.

That's okay.

It's gonna help.

Look, nobody's gonna come to an altar talking about sex, and I want to take you to the woman at the well, and we'll be done.

The woman at the well, when we meet her in John 4, she's been married five times and divorced five times, and she's with the next guy, or four times, and she's with the next guy.

So this is not working very good for her.

And the guy she's living, she's living with a guy who she's not married to at the time, so she's shacking up with some creep.

And she comes to the well at the heat of the day when nobody comes to the well because she's got a reputation.

So she comes at noon, expects nobody to be there, and she comes there and she sees this Jesus, and she even says to him, Why are you speaking to me?

If you had any idea that Samaritans and Jews have no dealings, you wouldn't speak to me.

And Jesus asked her for a drink and begins to talk to her.

Bad reputation and everything.

I love how Jesus interjects himself.

He said, If you drink of this well, using the well itself as a metaphor for life, if you drink of this well, you're never going to be satisfied.

He says, You're never going to be satisfied here.

If you're living for this well, if you're living for the well, if you're living for the well of sex, you're never going to be satisfied.

If you're living for the well of riches, you're never going to be satisfied.

If you're living for the well of security, if you're living your life for the well of marriage, you see, she had gone again and again and again, and she's not satisfied.

If you're living for the well of pleasures, you're not going to be satisfied.

If you're living for the well of popularity, it dries up.

If you're living for the romance of that book and romance, you're going to see that it dries up, and I'm sorry.

But Jesus said, Woman, if you knew who you were speaking to, I could give you water, and you'll never, ever thirst again.

You'll never thirst again.

You see, it goes all the way back to the garden.

Mankind lived in a perfect society, and temptation came, and adulteration came.

He looked on sin, the forbidden fruit, the one thing that he couldn't have.

He looked to another well and he cheated on Jesus, and he looked to another well, and he found out that that well wasn't good enough.

Well, Jesus loved you and me so much as a bridegroom that he came into and entered this world and said, It doesn't matter.

I'll take every one of their sins because I don't want them living for all of those other wells.

He came and he can forgive any sin.

But you have to ask him today.

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