God’s Guidelines for Growing Your Kids | Dr. Daniel L. Akin

Thank you, Doctor Ewart, and I'm so thrilled that God and his

kind Providence led him and Teresa here to serve with you

all. What a great pastor he is.

I miss him at Southeastern, though we still use him in our

doctoral programs and we have many students that are part of

this church. So it's kind of like this is

Southeastern East and there's a wonderful, wonderful partnership

that still exists in the gospel. Ephesians chapter 6 verses one

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

through 4. God's guidelines for going your

kids or if you like we can entitle it how to love your

children and let them know it. Ephesians chapter 6 beginning

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

with verse one and reading through verse four.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right on

your father and mother. This is the first commandment

with a promise that it may go well with you and you may live

long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your

children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and

the instruction of the Lord. I believe that almost all

parents do love their children, but I think there's a question

that begs to be asked in addition to that.

That statement and that question is this.

Do your children feel loved by the things you say and the

things you do? Do your children feel that they

are loved by mom and dad? Unfortunately, I fear there are

too many children, sometimes even in Christian homes, that

don't have that feeling that I am loved by mom and dad.

Number of years ago, a young teenage girl wrote a letter to

17 Magazine for all the world to see as she expressed her

heartache, her sorrow and her brokenness over her relationship

or lack of a relationship with her daddy.

And listen to what this teenage daughter said.

Have you ever heard of a father who won't talk to his daughter?

My father doesn't seem to know I'm alive.

In my whole life he's never said he loves me or giving me a good

night kiss unless I asked him to.

I think the reason he ignores me is because I'm so boring.

I look at my friends and I think if I were funny like Jill or

Super Brain like Sandy or even Outrageous and punk like Tasha,

he would put down his paper and be fascinated.

I played the recorder. For the past three years, I've

been a soloist in the fall concert at school.

Mom comes to the concerts, but dad, he never does.

This year I'm a senior and so it's his last chance.

I give anything to look out into the audience and see him there.

But who am I kidding? It will never happen.

Almost all parents do love their children, but that's not really

the issue. The issue is do your children

feel loved? And So what I want to do this

morning is allow the Word of God to inform us and instruct us on

how it is that we can love our children well so that they know

it. And in the process provide

guidance for them to grow up to be the young men and the young

women that God created them and that God Savior made them to be

using mom and dad to bring that to pass along the way.

I'm going to lay a biblical foundation from Ephesians and

then I'll be very practical in the latter part of my message.

So first of all, the biblical foundation to observations #1 we

love our children by educating them.

We love our children by educating them.

And the apostle Paul tells us, first of all, it is the proper

thing to do. It is proper.

Look at verse one. Children obey your parents and

the Lord, for this is right. That word obey is a imperative

word of command. God does not ask or suggest, but

God commands children, you obey mom and dad.

It's also in the present tense, which means this is to be the

the pattern or the habit of a child's life.

Parents, I believe from the time our kids are small, we should

impart to them the expectation of their obedience.

Now, are they going to disobey? Well, of course they will.

Their little sinners like you and I are big sinners all right.

But we should impart to them the expectation of their obedience,

that disobedience will be the exception, not the norm.

Furthermore, we are to teach them that they are to obey us.

And note, it's in the Lord. And secondly, this is right.

That phrase in the Lord, I believe, means unto the Lord.

In other words, teach your children that when they obey

you, they're obeying Jesus, and when they disobey you, they're

disobeying the Lord. My boys, when they were little,

we tried to help them understand as best we could.

Guys, listen. Ultimately, your obedience or

disobedience, it's not against me, it's not against your mom,

it's before the Lord. And when you are obeying us,

you're obeying Jesus, and when you disobey us, you're

disobeying him. But we also want them to

understand whether you obey or not, we will love you.

Our love is unconditional towards you.

Furthermore, whether you obey mom and dad or not, Jesus loves

you. And the fact of the matter is,

when you disobey, he has made a way for those disobedient acts

to be forgiven because He shed His blood for you.

It's a great opportunity to instruct your children in the

gospel again and again and again as you teach them to obey mom

and dad in the Lord and then help them understand this is

right. This is the way God planned it,

and this is the way God ordained the structure of the family.

But I don't believe it's enough just to tell our kids what to

do. I believe good parents help

their kids also understand why. Why should I live in this way

and not in a another kind of a way.

And so Paul goes back twice. It's found in the Bible twice

goes back to the 10 commandments.

They're found in Exodus chapter 20, Deuteronomy chapter 5, and

Exodus 20 · chapter mention Deuteronomy 5 · chapter mention

Paul says not only is it proper, but there is a promise.

There is a promise to children who obey mom and dad.

And now he adds the idea of honoring mom and dad.

Look at what it says there in verse 2.

Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment

with a promise. By the way, that word honor,

it's an imperative word of command.

It's in the present tense, just like obey.

So the Bible says you continually obey mom and dad.

You continually honor mom and dad.

And there is a 2 fold promise that God gives you.

First of all, God promises you a better life.

And secondly, God promises you a longer life.

Again, honor your father and mother.

This is the first commandment with a promise.

And here it is verse three, that it may go well with you, a

better life and that you may live long in the land, a longer

life. So God says as a general

covenant with children, you obey mom and dad, you honor mom and

dad, and I will bless you with both a better life and a longer

life. Now some of you are here today.

You want to say, but wait a minute, Danny, hold on.

These are wonderful verses for somebody that grew up in a good

home, but if you knew the dysfunctional family that I grew

up in, if you knew the hell on earth that is my experience, you

would have to acknowledge these verses.

They're not for me, God. God would never have expected me

or even today, He would not expect me to obey and much less

honor my mom and dad. In fact, I bet you did grow up

in a good home and I bet you don't understand some of the

pain and sorrow and anguish and suffering and even abuse that

that I experienced. And you would be partially

correct because I did grow up in a good home.

I had a good dad and a good mom and they loved me and cared for

me. I have no complaints about how

my mom and dad took care of me. But God in His kind Providence,

gave me a wife who had exactly the opposite experience of me.

You see, my wife Charlotte, was born into the home of alcoholic

parents, and when she was six years of age, her mom and dad

divorced. And over the next several years,

she and her sister and her brother bounced around from this

home to this home to this home, and then another home.

And finally someone intervened. And at the age of nine, my wife,

along with her sister and her brother, were all three placed

in the Georgia Baptist Children's Home, where she would

live from the time she was 9 until she was 18.

During those years, she hardly ever saw her mom and dad.

In fact, the last time she saw her mother, she was at her

daddy's house waiting for the folks from the children's home

to come and get her and her sister and her brother.

Her mother had come over from where she was living, and she

was very angry about the whole thing.

And for whatever reason, I never have really understood it.

She blames Charlotte. And my wife was sitting out on

the front porch on a bench waiting for the folks to come

and get her. And her mother walked outside on

the bench, looked at her, reared her arm back and slapped her in

the face, knocked her out in the front yard, bloodied her mouth

and said all of this is your fault, you little blank.

Turned around, walked back into the house.

She would not see her mother again until she was 17 years

old. Her daddy came to see her a

couple of times when she first went to the children's home, and

then she would not see her daddy again until after we were

married. In fact, we were driving one day

in the car from Louisville down to Nashville and we were just

talking about our childhood. And I remember asking her.

I said, well, honey, did you, did you call your dad and ask

him to ever come? And she lost all contact with

her mom. Did you, did you call your dad

and ask him to come and see you? And she said, well, yeah, I did.

Every month we would have parents weekend where parents

would come out and see their children.

And I would always call daddy and I would say, Daddy, will you

come and see me this weekend? And she said my daddy always

said the same thing every time. Yeah, babe, I'll come and see

you. So my wife would get up on

Saturday morning and she would put on her nicest dress, and she

would go out and sit on the front porch of her cottage.

And she would wait 2-3. Sometimes she would sit there

for four or five hours waiting for a daddy who never showed up.

When we got married, she called her daddy.

I was standing right beside her in my mom and dad's home and she

called her daddy and I remember the conversation like it was

yesterday and it was 40 some odd years ago.

Daddy, I'm getting married and I want you to give me away.

They got quiet on her end and tears begin to run down her

face. And I'll remember it as long as

I live. She said.

Well daddy I know you're shy so if you don't want to give me

away that's OK. I just want you to come to my

wedding. And even though he only lived

about 10 miles away, he didn't come.

I remember the first time I met him, we were back in Atlanta.

We were living in Dallas, TX at the time.

We were back in Atlanta for Christmas and she had re

established a relationship with her mother and her daddy came

over to have Christmas dinner with us and afterwards.

And, and I need to be honest with you all folks, I did not

treat him well that evening. I I was angry at him for the way

he had treated my wife and his daughter.

And so I did not really relate to him very well that evening.

But after dinner, we took him back to the veterans hospital in

Atlanta, GA, where he once again was going through a treatment

for his alcoholism. And as he got out of our van,

had a big old passenger van. He got out of our van and he was

walking back into the hospital. I looked at my wife and I said

in a very insensitive way, You know, honey, your dad's just

pretty sorry. He he ain't worth much.

And she did not get angry with me, but she looked at me and she

simply said, tears again just streaming down her face.

Well, yeah, I I guess he is. But he's still my daddy and I'll

always love him. Her daddy died never telling his

daughter he loved her. Her daddy died and we don't know

where he is today. I, we, we hope, but we don't

really have a, a lot of confidence that he went to

heaven. We do, though, have that for her

mother. You see, when we had been at

Southeastern for just a couple of years, 2005, 2006, we get a

phone call one day from Charlotte's sister Susan, who

says Mama is in the ICU unit at Grady Hospital in downtown

Atlanta. They think she's going to die.

And we need to sign off Charlotte and Susan and her

brother Daniel. We need to sign off on a non

resuscitation order so that if she quits breathing, they don't

try to revive her because she's so sick, she's not going to

survive. And I, I need you to, to agree

to that. And Charlotte said, well, Susan,

I can't, I can't make a decision like that right now.

She, by the way, he'd been in the hospital for several weeks.

That's just a small inkling of how dysfunctional her family

life has always been. And so she hung up the phone and

she looked at me and she just began to bawl.

And she said, honey, I, I can hardly stand the thought of Mama

dying and going to hell. Do you think that Doctor

Merritt, James James Merritt is a pastor in Atlanta, wonderful

preacher, has a a nationwide ministry.

Usually he was served as the president.

SBC, one of my dearest friends, but he's a big dog.

And I called my friend and I said, James, Charlotte's Mama is

sick and she's dying. She's in the ICU unit at Grady

Hospital in downtown Atlanta. Would you go see her?

And he said, Danny, I'll be glad to.

He said, this was on Tuesday. He said, I'm leaving in the

morning to go out of town, but I get back Friday and when I get

back Friday, I'll go see her. And I said, well, James, that's

that's so kind of you. I said, she is really sick.

I mean, we, we just don't know how much longer she's going to

live. And so I hung up the phone and

Charlotte and I prayed together. And then I took her out to eat

at a little Mexican restaurant there in Wake Forest.

And we had not been sitting there for 15 minutes when my

phone rang. And it was Doctor Merritt.

And he said, you know, Danny, I don't think I need to wait till

Friday. I think I need to go right now.

And he drove 40 miles one way from Dacula, GA into downtown

Atlanta. He went up into the ICU unit at

Grady Hospital. He shared the gospel with

Charlotte's mother. And on her deathbed, she prayed

to trust Jesus as her Lord and Savior.

And just a few days later, she died.

And folks, I have no doubt there is a lady in heaven today named

Deely Ramsey. And she is there because God

gave her a daughter who never stopped loving her, never

stopped honoring her, never stopped praying for her.

And I will tell you something, God kept His word.

My wife is a wonderful lady. She's been a great wife for

almost 48 years. She raised 4 godly sons who are

all in the ministry today. Her grandchildren adore her.

All the folks at Southeastern adore her.

I have had great job security all these years because they'll

keep me to keep her. She's one of those kind of

ladies. And even though they hear me,

even though she was born into hell on earth, to the best of

her ability, she obeyed God's word and God kept His word with

her. And He'll do the same thing with

you no matter what you may have gone through and no matter what

you may even be experiencing today.

And so the Bible says we love our children by educating them.

But secondly, the Bible also says we love our children by

encouraging them, by encouraging them.

And Paul has first a negative idea and then he follows it up

with a +1 verse 4. Fathers, let me stop there.

Dads, this is a reminder that you and I are called to that

leadership assignment in the home, and we will give an

account to God someday for how well we shepherded our little

flock in our home. So fathers, do not provoke your

children to anger. Avoid making them angry.

The, the, the, the parallel account in Colossians 3 says

don't provoke them toward bitterness.

Don't. Don't make them bitter.

Don't discourage them. Don't push them toward anger.

Why? Because you're not consistent in

the way you relate to them. You walk into the room and they

don't know if Daddy's going to hug me or slap me.

They don't know if Daddy's going to praise me or yell at me.

So don't provoke your children to anger.

Avoid making them angry, but positively be active in giving

them advice and be active in giving them a particular kind of

advice. Bring them up.

It could be translated. Nourish them up in the

discipline, training and the instruction, the teachings of

the Lord. Now some of you parents hear me

read that and you want to say wait, but hold on Danny, time

out. Kids.

Don't listen to mom and dad. Kids don't listen to mom and

dad. The the experts tell us that

they're far more influenced by peer pressure than they are

parental instruction. And without being unkind this

morning to the experts, they don't know what the RIP they're

talking about. Because I want to tell you

something. You listen, you listen well.

Your children do care what you think.

They do listen to what you say and they pay a whole lot of

attention to what you do. The largest survey ever taken of

teenagers took place just before the turn of the Millennium in

1997. In that survey, they asked

teenagers all sorts of interesting and insightful

questions. But Newsweek magazine thought

this one was particularly important because they said, and

I quote in a recent national survey, teenagers named their

parents as as their number one heroes.

Now let that sink in. Hey, kids.

Hey guys, who's your hero? Movie star?

Nope. Rock star, Nope.

Athlete. Nope.

Politician. Are you kidding me?

I'm playing now. I'm just playing.

Don't you get upset about that? I'm playing.

But no, no, no, no. Who's your hero?

That's easy. My hero is my daddy and my Mama.

They asked him another question. I love this one.

You're stranded on a desert island and you could have only

one thing. What one thing would you want?

Well, here's what they said. 10% said if I had one thing, I'd

want a TV course. What in the heck you're going to

do with ATV on a stranded desert island?

I don't know, but that's all right.

That's what some of them said. Secondly, some said, well, I'd

want some books, that's a little better.

Third, some said 21% of computer hope it's solar powered, but all

right. 4th some said music. All right, I can get that.

But the number one answer, hands down, I'm stranding on a desert

island. I get one thing that's easy.

I want my daddy and I want my Mama because they do care what

you think and they do listen to what you say and they do pay a

lot of attention to what you do. So for the remainder of my time,

and I'm going to talk quick, what do you do practically

speaking day in and day out that will let your children know that

you love them and that will grow them?

To love the Lord their God with all their heart, with all their

soul, with all their mind, and with all of their strength.

I'm going to give you 7 or 8 ideas quickly so you can jot

them down somewhere. Number one, get down on their

level and enter into their world.

Get down on their level and enter into their world.

I call this incarnational parenting.

You say why? Well, let me ask all of us the

question this morning. How do we really know this

morning that God loves us? I'll tell you how we know.

He got down on our level and He entered into our world in the

person of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ.

So how do you love your kids? You step back and you ask, how

does my 5 year old or my 10 year old or my 18 year old, how do

they look at life given their age, given their sex, given

their personality and their characteristics, given their

friends, given their interests? How do they look at life and you

love them? By trying to get into their

world. Now I want to be fair.

That's a lot easier said than done.

It's not always easy to get into the life and into the world of a

child. I was told the story one day of

a little boy. His turtle died, broke his

heart, cried all day. Daddy got home from work and

Mama said, honey, he's in the backyard with the turtle.

It's dead and he won't come in the house.

And so I, I please try to, to, to fix things.

And so daddy goes back there and sure enough, the little boy's

crying turtles not moving. And dad begins to rack his brain

and he finally comes up with an idea and he says, son, look,

I'm, I'm sorry your turtle died. But I tell you what, we can have

a funeral for your little turtle and celebrate your turtle going

to turtle heaven. And here's what I'll do.

I'll get a little shoe box and we'll put him in there and I'll

dig a hole back here and we'll bury him right back here.

He'll always be back here in our backyard.

And since we're going to have a little funeral service, you can

invite all your friends over and I'll, I'll do a little funeral

service for your turtle. And I tell you what, since we're

celebrating his going to turtle heaven, we'll have a party and

I'll get Mama to make a cake and I'll make some homemade ice

cream. And we'll just have a little

party to celebrate your turtle's funeral.

And after that, we can go down to the park and, and we can ride

the ride and we'll take our bat and ball.

And So what do you think if we do all of that?

Well, he's still crying, but he finally says we can, we can have

a party. We can have a party.

Then I can invite you, invite every friend you've got.

And my mom will make cake, I'll make ice cream.

We'll do all that to celebrate your turtle's funeral.

What do you think? The tears stopped, little smile

came across his face. Then he looked at daddy and he

said Daddy that'll be OK. And boy, dad felt great, he'd

save the day. Took his son by the hand.

They begin to walk back to the house.

And Can you believe it, at exactly that moment, suddenly

out of that shell, boom, come that turtle's head.

Good timing wasn't it? And he begins to look around and

and check everything out. And the dad saw it.

And the dad said to his son, look, son, look, you turtle,

he's not dead after all. The little boy, he began to

scream and cry again. Kill him, daddy, kill him.

I'd rather have my party. Now, that may not make sense to

a 5 year old, but it makes sense.

I mean, to us, but it makes sense to a 5 year old.

And again, it's not easy to get into their world, but if you're

going to love them, you're going to try #2 you love your kids by

loving your mate. Just love your mate, you say?

Why, Danny? Because the number one need in

the life of a child related to love is security.

And nothing brings security in the life of a child like knowing

my daddy loves my Mama, my Mama loves my daddy, and they're

always going to be here just for me.

If you will just love your mate, you will give your children

about 95% of all that they will need #3 you love your kids by

giving them discipline. By giving them discipline.

After all, they come into the world screaming.

Where are the boundaries, what's right, what's wrong?

Now I don't claim to be an expert here.

We tried our best for 20 years with each of our kids, but we

learned some things along the way and also found some truth in

God's Word. And so I'll share these with you

and just give it your best shot and see what God does.

A couple of things real quickly. Number 1, I believe in giving

our kids a big playing field and not a little box.

A big playing field and not a little box.

You say, well, why would you say that?

Two reasons #1 if you say to your kids you must live in the

little box all the time, they won't, they can't.

You say why not? Well, this much I do know, kids

are not designed to live in a little box.

Little boys certainly are not designed to live in a little

box. And so they will not be able to

function in that little confined space.

Secondly, and this is so crucial, you won't be consistent

in your discipline. You won't be consistent in your

discipline. And here's the deal, parents,

wherever you draw the lines, you need to be rigorously,

rigorously, rigorously consistent in your discipline.

When our boys were little, we had a rule.

You do not go into mom and dad's bathroom with our without our

permission. If you do, you will get a

spanking. He said.

Why'd y'all have that rule? Because one day Nathan, who's

our older twin, he's preached here a number of times.

Nathan had had gone into the bathroom.

Excuse me, I'm wrong. Jonathan went into the bath.

No, Nathan went into the bathroom.

Nathan did it and he swallows some camphophanique.

Yes, got a ball camphor phonique.

Good, good, good, good, good. So we, what did we do?

We took him to doctor's hospital.

They said, Oh no, no, no, he needs to go to Parkland

Hospital. They got a pediatric trauma

unit. So we went to Parkland Hospital

in Atlanta, GA. That, by the way, is where they

took John Kennedy when he got shot.

So we go over there, we get there about 7:00, get to see a

doctor. Finally at midnight he comes in

and says, what did he do? We said he's swallowed A camphor

phonique. When did he do it?

We said, well, he did it about 5:00.

Well, if nothing's happened to him by now, he's fine.

Y'all can go home. And they charged us.

I had to pay for that by the way.

And I'm, I'm still in therapy about that when I, I've never

have dealt with that very well. So we just decided, you know

what, they don't need to do that anymore.

So we had the rule. You don't go into mom and dad's

bathroom. If you do without our

permission, you get a spanking. About six months later,

Jonathan, the other twin walks into our bedroom and gets right

over to the edge of the carpet and the tile just like this and

looked up at us like a four year old can and just started

grinning. And I said, son, you know the

rule, if you go into that bathroom, you are going to get a

spanking. He looked back down his feet,

looked up at me, grinned and did this.

He said, oh, my goodness, that's so cute.

What'd you do to him? I tore his tail up.

That's exactly what I did to him because I told him if you go in

there, you're going to get a spanking.

So wherever you draw the lines, you need to be consistent in

your discipline. Furthermore, I believe this, if

you've got kids that that God's blessed you with good, obedient,

faithful, trustworthy kids, give them a big playing field.

Give them a big playing field. And if they're not, you can

bring it back down. I always told my boys, I'll be

the enforcer, but the playing field will be established by

you. And if you're doing what you

ought to do, Dad's going to pretty much.

And Mom's going to pretty much let you do anything you want to

do. And if you don't, it'll get

smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller.

And I will chain your tail to your bed till the day you die in

Jesus name. And someday they'll find your

skeleton there. Now, usually you did not say

that. Oh yes, I did.

Now, they probably didn't think I was serious, but I was trying

to help them understand. I love you too much to let you

make a fool of yourself. And so you give them that big

playing field and be consistent in your discipline.

Then secondly, and I'll move on, I believe we discipline our kids

all the days they're under our watch care, but we adjust the

way we discipline as they grow older.

We do discipline them all the days they're under our watch

care, but we adjust as they grow older.

And listen to what Proverbs chapter 29 and verse 15 says.

Proverbs 29 · chapter mention

The rod and the rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to

himself will bring shame to his mother.

Let me give Danny Aiken commentary now.

The rod when they're young, the rebuke.

And I would add, in our culture, the restriction gives wisdom,

but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

You say, Danny, you realize it is the year 2026.

I do. You realize, do you not, that we

are an educated, sophisticated culture?

I do. And you still think that it's

all right to spank children when they're small?

I not only think it's all right, I think sometimes it's

absolutely essential. Listen, I have a PhD.

All that means is I went to school a long time.

Doesn't mean I'm smart. But I went to school, got a PHDI

have a minor in philosophy and logic.

So I was taught how to do logical analysis and make

logical arguments. And when my boys were little, I

could provide for them what I knew to be an airtight,

accurate, logical argument for why they should behave in a

certain way. And for some reason, they just

didn't get it. But when I got back here, you

see, I think their brain is in their buns until they become a,

you know, older. It starts back here and then it

moves up here later. But you get back here and it's

amazing. Suddenly they, they become

rather intelligent. And so hear me now, always under

control and in moderation, Yes, I think sometimes the rod is an

effective way to discipline your children.

But let me remind you of this. In the world of the Bible, you

became a young man or a young woman at the age of 1213.

So I have a follow up question. You think Dad was taking the rod

to his children when they were 13151617 years of age?

I seriously doubt it. You say so you're boys.

You spanked them when they were little.

I did, but not a lot. When did you stop spanking them?

Well, they don't have a memory of a spanking, nor do I after

the age of 11 or 12. Now I continue to discipline

them because I love them. But I adjusted the way I just

because I treated my teenage boys like they were not

children. I treated my teenage boys like

they were young men and parents raised the bar.

Tell them to shoot for that goal and be amazed at how often

that's what they will do. But if you love them, you will

give them discipline #4 you love them by the way you look at

them. Proverbs 2012 says the hearing

ear, the seeing eye. The Lord has made them both and

after. Your mouth.

One of the most effective devices you have for

communicating to your children is your eyes #5 you love your

kids by touching them. You love your kids by touching

them. After all, Ecclesiastes 35 says

there's a time to embrace. Let me be very specific here,

dads. If God has blessed you with

precious daughters in a good, healthy way, hold them, hug

them, kiss them, let them crawl up into your lap.

Why? Because God designed little

girls what they need for male affirmation.

And God's plan is that she gets it first and foremost from her

daddy. Let me give you mothers who have

sons a word of encouragement. I discovered a number of years

ago that a teenage boy will still let his Mama kiss him in

the morning when she takes him to school if she will just do it

in the floorboard of the car. That's right, as long as it

happens where nobody can see. He'll let you do it.

Why? Because teenage boys, though,

they need that kind of roughhouse wrestling affection

from their dads. They need that tender affection

still from their moms. And you love them by touching

them. Number six, here's the big Ouch

1. You love your kids by spending

time with them, by spending time with them.

Focused on the Family took a survey in 2003.

I saw a secular survey five years ago.

Amazingly little has changed now.

Listen to what they saw and what they said.

On average, on average, 5 year olds spend about 25 to 35

minutes a week in quality time with their dad.

But they spend 20 to 25 hours a week with ATV, or what we now

refer to as technological babysitters.

Technological babysitters 25 to 30 hours a week with ATV or a

technological babysitter 25 to 35 minutes a week with dad.

That may explain this. Reader's Digest took a survey

and they asked four and five year olds this very simple

question. If you had to vote to give away

either your daddy or your TV, which would you vote to give

away? And 33% one in three said I'd

rather give away my daddy than I would my TV.

One grown man, reflecting upon his rearing his upbringing by

his parents, sat down one day. This was the number of years

ago. Wrote a letter to the local

newspaper and they ran it in the private section.

And here's a portion of the letter that he wrote to his mom

and dad for the whole world to see.

You didn't take care of me. You sent me to daycare.

You didn't feed me. You sent me to McDonald's.

You didn't study with me. You bought me a computer.

You didn't talk to me. You bought me a stereo.

You did not look at me. You bought me ATV and you did

not play with me. You bought me toys.

Now that I'm grown and you are old, why should I come and see

you? I don't even know who you are.

And yes, love is a very beautiful 4 letter word.

But brothers and sisters, sometimes we spell it best TIME.

And we love them by spending time with them #7 we love them

by listening to them, by listening to them.

James 119 says be quick to hear, slow to speak.

Which means what? Put away the iPad, put away the

smartphone, turn off the TV and lock in with your kids, eye to

eye, ear to ear, heart to heart. And by giving them that kind of

time, you say to them, I am here not to talk, but I am here just

to listen. And you love them well, by

listening to them #8 you love them by blessing them rather

than cursing them. By blessing them rather than

cursing them, you say, what are you talking about?

Your words, your words. Have you ever stopped to think

what it's like to be a child and hear some of the things they

hear coming out of the mouth of mom and dad?

I've been collecting sayings over the years now, and this is

my list this morning. And I have to say honestly, with

much shame, some of the things on this list are here because

they came out of my mouth directed toward my children when

they were little. But just see if you recognize

any of these. Put that down.

Stop that right now. Shut up.

I don't care what you're doing. Come here right now.

Listen to me. Give me that.

Don't touch that. Go away.

Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm busy?

Not like that stupid boy. That was really dumb.

Can't you do anything right while you'd lose your head if it

wasn't screwed on? Hurry up.

We don't have all day. What's the matter with you?

Can't you hear anything? I don't know what I'm going to

do with you. And those words don't bless

those words. Curse and parents, don't you

ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of your words when

directed towards your children to shape their own sense of

value and self worth. I was speaking a number of years

ago with a church in Laurel, Ms. and after I spoke a man came up

to me that evening and he said, Brother Danny, can I share my

testimony with you? And I said, well, sure you can.

He said, I got saved five years ago at the age of 60.

They've been the five most wonderful years of my life.

He said, brother Danny, I'm a recovering alcoholic.

I'm a recovering drug addict too.

He said, I also went through a number of failed marriages.

And I want to tell you they were my fault.

I'm the one who caused all of them to fail.

And I heard some really nice ladies.

He said, I'm going to stop right there.

But I think you get the picture that until about 5 years ago my

life was a train wreck. And he said, I don't blame

anybody, I don't. I made the dumb choices, I made

the bad decisions. But then tears just begin to

stream down that 65 year old man's face and I'll never forget

what he said he said. But you know brother Danny, when

I think back to when I was a little boy, all I can really

remember my daddy saying to me were things like this boy, you

can't do anything right boy, you're just downright dumb.

Boy. You will never grow up to amount

to anything, he said. Isn't he crazy?

I grew up to be exactly what my daddy said I would be.

But then he began to smile and he said, but five years ago when

I met Jesus, I got a new daddy and my new daddy loves me and

believes in me and and my new daddy brother Danny, he thinks I

can do things. And he says, you know, it really

does matter what you believe your daddy thinks about.

You. #9. You bless your children by just

having fun with them. You bless your children by just

having fun with them. In fact, if you asked me this

morning to boil down my thinking about parenting, it's really

quite simple. Number one, teach your children

all of their lives that Jesus is the most wonderful thing in all

the world and #2 just have fun with them.

Make your house a Grand Central Station.

Make your house a fun house to be in because then they'll

invite their teenage friends over, which is their way of

saying, I'm not afraid of what mom and dad might say or what

mom and dad are might do. And I know this much from

personal experience. When you get old, they'll still

come and visit you and bring the grandkids and that's a pretty

good deal. Finally, you love your kids by

introducing them to a perfect parent, by introducing them to a

perfect parent. Now you say, Danny, I, I can't

be a perfect parent. I know that neither can I.

But you see, God made every one of us with what the old

theologians called a God shaped vacuum.

I, I call it a hole in the soul and it can only be filled by a

relationship with a perfect parent, a perfect heavenly

Father. You see, I want to close by

telling you, as Paul Harvey would say, the rest of the

story, how did my sweet wife turn out to be the wonderful

godly lady that she is, in spite of how she came into this world

in a broken home? Well, when she was 10 years old

at the children's home, they took the children every Sunday

to church and they would go to the First Baptist Church of

Fairman, Georgia. And when she was?

10 On a Sunday morning just like this, the pastor presented a

message and presented the gospel.

And that morning the Holy Spirit spoke to her heart.

And my sweet wife came forward at the time of the invitation,

and I love the way she said that.

She says, that morning I gave my heart to Jesus and Jesus gave

his heart to me and God became my perfect heavenly Father.

And if you were to sit down and talk with my wife and ask her

these very simple questions, I love the answers that you would

get if you said, Charlotte, when you got saved as a 10 year old

little girl was the most wonderful thing knowing all your

sins are forgiven. And she would say, well, that's

wonderful, but it wasn't the most wonderful for me.

So you might say, well, was it knowing that when you die you go

to heaven? And she would say, well, that's

wonderful too. But that wasn't the most

wonderful for me. So you might say, OK, well, then

what was the most wonderful thing?

And she would say, when I got saved, I got a new daddy.

And my new daddy made a promise to me that he's never, ever

forgotten and he never will. His promise to me that he's

always kept is I will never leave you.

I will never forsake you. And folks.

That that's a. Pretty precious promise to a

little orphan girl, but it's also the same promise that God

makes to every single one of us in this room today.

All you have to do is ask, and He will gladly and delightfully

become your perfect Father. Father, I thank you so much that

we can call you that and know that it pleases you.

And I thank you that every man and woman boring girl can know

you as their perfect Father through a relationship with your

Son, Jesus Christ. So Lord, now during this time of

invitation, Holy Spirit, you do your work, You speak to hearts.

And Lord, I pray with all of my heart that not a single person

will leave today without the assurance.

Jesus is my Savior, God is my perfect heavenly Father, and I

have His word. He will never leave me and He

will never forsake me. We ask and pray this in your

name, Amen. Amen.

Well, thank you, Doctor Aiken, Thank you so much for sharing

with us from God's Word. Maybe you're here this morning,

you're listening online and maybe you've come from a broken

living hell type of house. Maybe you're in one now.

Maybe you're the partial cause of one of those.

All of us at some point in our life, we're broken.

All of us need restoration in our lives and that only comes to

Jesus Christ. So we're going to give you an

opportunity to respond to what God might be saying to you this

morning. We're also going to take up our

offering. Our usher's are going to come in

just a moment and if you're a guest here today that that's not

for you to give money, it's for you.

If you want to put that Next steps card in and put prayer

requests in there and we'll pray for you.

We'd love to meet you. But as that offering plate is

being passed, I just want you to think, what is it I need to

offer? What is it I need to give to God

and how can I surrender to him, give him my life?

So pastors are going to be standing here with our next

steps. Room will be open right over

here. You can go straight to that

room. Someone have a private

conversation with you there. You can come here and pray.

Whatever you need to do to respond.

You heard testimonies and baptism.

What powerful testimonies from these young people.

Maybe that's what God is speaking you.

Maybe you need to be baptized. Maybe you need to surrender in a

new way. So whatever it is, let's do that

right now. So let's stand together, and our

worship team is going to lead us as we respond.