Love, Faith, and Communication: Lessons from Two Christian Couples

Okay, that was a quick introductory there. All right. That

is what the schedule says, so. Well, it is good tonight to come

together as a church family. And again, I am thankful you braved

the cold tonight. And we are going to have the two couples that

they would to make their way to the stage. We have the James family

and the Lund family. I was a little upset about what brother Lund

wore tonight. I really thought that, you know, if you're going to

be a testimony as a couple that maybe your wife would dress

you appropriately. But I guess this is your protest for having to.

For being asked. I did ask. I asked if you wanted to be a part

of this tonight. So, anyway. But. So the kids are all having fun.

We're going to have some fun in here as well. But the intent is

that we learn. And I know the couples tonight are a little younger

than we've done some in the past. You're welcome. Yeah. I don't

mean to talk about brother Clovis, but brother Clovis has got

some age on him. And the couples up here are a little younger,

but there's always an opportunity to ask some questions

that would help some others. And again tonight, I think more so,

too, is thinking about those who may watch this later because

it's going to be on video for the rest of your lives. So be careful

what you say. No pressure. No pressure at all. Kind of introduce

yourself. There's a microphone right there. Yeah. Ms. James is going.

Ladies first. Is that what we should do? Maybe introduce yourself

as to your. Just your name and anything else you'd like to say.

What do you do for a living? That would be a good one.

I'm Rachel James. I'm Abby and Eddie's mom, primarily, and I'm a

nurse practitioner and married to this handsome guy.

Yeah.

I'm Phil James. We've been coming here for six or seven years

and eight years and time flies. I'm a transportation manager.

Y'all should have one over there.

Yeah, I have my own. Am I on?

Yeah. But even with the pink shirt. Go ahead.

Steve Wand. We've been here about three years. I'm a program

coordinator. Really just deal with grants and contracts supporting

cardiology at UT Southwestern. Been saved since I was pretty young.

Otherwise, you know us pretty well.

Yeah.

Valerie Lund. I am the daycare director here, and I have. I was

led to the Lord by my husband when I was 19 years old. So I'm a

little bit later in life, but grew up in a Catholic family. Otherwise,

we've enjoyed it here.

How many kids?

Oh, three. Three boys, 14 to 18, but one in college at Pensacola

Christian.

There you go. All right. So the Lund family and the James family,

both very much involved in the church, as most of you know, and

have some wonderful kids. Again, this is families who I believe

are raising, or at least attempting prayerfully with wisdom,

raising their children properly, who have homes. I've been

in these or around these couples a lot. So it's not like they

could hide anything from me or I could hide anything from them.

They know me pretty well. And so just a good example, just like

the other couples we've had up here have been good examples. And

so as we ask the questions, I hope that'll be a blessing to you.

And so we'll start with the Lund family. We'll ask Ms. Lund first

when and whichever one actually, these questions should

be whichever one would like to answer, then if the other one would

like to answer as well. Okay, so when and where did y'all meet?

Well, I do like both sides of the story, but I met a young lady

at orientation to uta. I went to UTA and I met a young lady, and

we were hanging out, and she wanted me. She wanted to introduce

me to John Lund, Steve's brother. And so we went over to Steve's

apartment. And so I'm hanging out with a group of friends, and

he walked in the door rather perturbed. He just. You could just

tell on his face he was not happy that there were so many people

in his household that he wasn't expecting. So he kind of was

facing the floor, and his. He connected a glance with me and looked

down and just looked back up, just this double take. And his whole

demeanor, his whole expression changed, and it was just the most

adorable thing. So when I went back to the friend's house and spent

the night, I spent the evening talking about this fella that we

met. And it took him a few times of us hanging out as a group

before he asked for my number, and he still couldn't remember my

name. He knew it started with a V. So when he finally asked for

my telephone number, I wrote it on a little receipt and I put

V check, because that's what he referred to me as for quite some

time. He actually. Funny story. He actually laminated that

receipt, and he still has it in a little memory book.

So from my side, I do want to preface this with I told you I was

saved when I was very young and really tried to follow God for

a long time. But then once I hit my mid to late teens, I just

followed the world. But one thing that had stuck with me from

my youth pastor Clint Cavenas at Trinity is he'd always stress

that we should pray for God to prepare the mate he wants for us

and bring us together. So even when I was living for myself and

somehow God still heard my prayer, but I had always prayed this

one prayer that God would send me the right wife, the one he wanted,

and that I would know it, because I'm pretty dense. So I was

working long hours and I came home. I was driving a tow truck at

the time, and I came home tired, just ready to crash. And apparently

we were having a party at my apartment, so I was pretty annoyed

and came in. And just like she said, I was just mad. But then I

looked up and connected, saw her, and I don't know what I thought

or felt anything or probably didn't. For a while, I was pretty

numb. But I did go home to my parents house the next day and told

my mom, I've met my wife. And within about a week, within about

a week, we were talking about it. So it was mutual. But I knew

for sure just the moment I saw her. I don't know how I knew. I just

knew.

So love at first sight.

Yeah. For me, absolutely. Took her a couple days.

I can see why. More so about your brother than. I'm glad you skirted

that one. You skirted that one. Some of y'all don't know the

brother, but I hope maybe he'll watch this later. But, man,

you.

He's watching.

You really, really did good. All right. How did y'all meet?

So it was 2013, and we were both living our own single lives

in two separate states. I was in Minnesota, she was in Texas. And

so my mom is a nurse, and they had gone on a couple trips, medical

missions trips, and encouraged me to do something like that, even

though I'm not medical, but just wanted to get away and do something,

you know, worthwhile. And so I signed up for that trip. I didn't

know anybody on the trip, just signed up and it was to Romania.

So I just remember meeting Rachel in the airport in Amsterdam.

We all had flown in on different flights, met there in Amsterdam.

And I don't really remember a lot other than just introducing myself.

There was a bunch of people that we were meeting at the time,

just all introducing ourselves. And so that's when we

first met. We served that week together, you know, in. In the clinic,

and then started talking about a. A year later. And then we, you

know, did FaceTime. And things like that. Since we didn't live near

each other and came down to Texas in 2015 in February, and we

got married the end of that year. She can add all the details.

My side of the story is much longer, so you have to go on a missions

trip to hear the real story. It wasn't love at first sight.

I think. Not doing this as certainly pointing out, but how old

were y'all when y'all got married?

I was 30. He was 33.

Okay. I just like to point that out.

There's hope for some of you.

That's why I'm just the average person in America, men and

women. Men is 29, women is 30. That's the average in America when

they get married. So I'd just like to point that out because we

have some other couples, and I won't point Brother Free Is or anybody

else out, but other couples have been kind of married, and actually,

it's not late in life. It is the average in America. So, anyway.

All right, all right, we'll go ahead and go back to you guys. How

long have you been married?

Nine years.

Nine years.

And, well, I wanted to point out, you mentioned earlier, the Hales.

You've always had an older couple and a younger couple.

I know it.

We're all in our 40s, but that makes us the older couple here.

Well, again, a different stage. A different stage in life,

absolutely.

I didn't realize how recently they had gotten married. We've been

married 24 years. We met in December of 1997.

That's a long time.

Yeah. We were not FaceTiming each other.

So you were how old when you got married? I was 21. 21 and 24.

24. Okay. All right. All right, let's go back to you guys.

What do y'all enjoy doing together?

Well, really, anything, I guess. There's separate questions

about dating and things, but one of the things we've really grown

to love are our little mini weekend trips. I don't know how it

started, but we try to find the most unique or goofy little Airbnb

we can. And just any reason to get away from everything, even if

it's just a night or so, that's been really great for us for

connecting. And then any kind of new experience, like, I guess,

you know, Waco and just some of the other places we've been. We

don't have any kind of thing set, just any new experience together

that gets us away and where we have to focus on each other for a

day or two.

I think this Is the question really is more along. And that is

answering the question. But is there anything else that you know?

Is there hobbies that you enjoy doing together? Is there things

like that?

We don't really have shared hobbies. We like fishing, although

it's rare for us to get to do that together. That's mostly a schedule

thing we've honestly made just God's work is our hobby, and we try

to do as much of it together as we can. And we haven't always

been this way, but we're better now about whatever one of

us wants to do. We just make it a combined thing and us thing.

And that's been helpful.

And I see that in y'all. Absolutely. What do y'all. What do

y'all enjoy doing together?

Shark fishing.

Shark fishing? Yes. If you haven't seen the pictures on Facebook.

Yeah, go ahead and give us a little bit of that.

But no, in all reality, kind of back to what Steve said, that

doing it together, I think, is a big deal. Medical missions is obviously

a hobby of ours, but it's something that we can do together.

Even visitation on Tuesday night is a time that we actually

get to do something together. We met in ministry, but it's also

things that you can do together. It's not his hobbies or

my hobbies. It's what we enjoy doing together. And when I married

Phil, he had one fishing pole, this little bitty, tiny. I don't

know that I would call it a fishing pole. A little bass reel.

He came from the north. I mean, he came from Wisconsin. Well,

they catch up their pike, the.

Ice fish up there. But my family was huge on fishing, and so

he learned it like my dad taught him fishing. And now that's

something that we enjoy doing together, which is unusual because

a lot of times the man doesn't want to bend. This is my hobby. This

is what I do. But he bent for that, and now he's fallen in love

with it. Yeah.

Good to see. I think he's hooked.

And now our main goal is to see who can outfish the other one.

Abby's not even here. Yeah, go ahead, Brother James, Surely you

got some stories to tell us.

Well, we do like traveling, too, so we've. Obviously, we met

traveling, and the medical missions allows us to see new places,

even though that maybe that's not the goal, but we do just like

being together. And fishing is a good excuse to be outside. I was

born in the country, and she was as well, you know, raised just

living out in the country, so just enjoying the outdoors and gives

you a chance to sit and talk when you're waiting for the fish

to bite.

I do have one thing I want to say for those of you who saw the

bull redfish pictures where he posted that his was half an inch

longer than mine. I just want to say that I caught mine first,

and he put it into an ice chest where it didn't fit, so it

had to curl up. And then he measured it after it got nice and

stiff. So actually, I think, like, mine was actually longer than

his.

Of course. Of course.

Just putting that on public record.

Yeah, the pictures. Yeah. He don't get the last say. I like the

picture of y'all went to the. To the Wiggins house, or y'all went

down to the mobile bay and caught a big old. Was it a bull shark

or what was that?

It was. Yeah. His was a bull shark.

Yeah, big old bull shark. So pretty neat, right? So things that

we enjoy. Would you like to comment any more about things you

enjoy? Good. Y'all good. Okay. So what is your. We'll come back

over here. What is your favorite date night?

So our last date night was Saturday. We did go fishing, so.

But we do enjoy that. But just again, kind of spending time together

without the kids is very enjoyable, especially at this stage

of life with them being small and needing a lot of attention. And

I know that will change, you know, as they get older. But we usually

will do something like that. Fishing, go out to eat. We like to

get ice cream at Brahms. Big ice cream fans. So anyway, just things

like that, just hanging out together. It doesn't have to be anything

expensive fishing. You know, we didn't spend a lot of money on.

Initially. Initially, you got to buy the equipment, but. But, you

know, you can get some bait for cheap and just go out and spend

some time.

I will say that when Abby was a baby, Phil said, hey, get somebody

to watch Abby tonight. I'm taking you somewhere special. I still

have the text message as proof. So I called Sarah Leper. They

were here at the time. And she's like, absolutely. We went shopping.

I got a new outfit. I curled my hair. I put on makeup and earrings,

which was unusual for a mom with a baby. And got in the car,

and we pulled up to the bowling alley. So his idea of a special

date night was slightly different than mine. To make matters

worse, I had already broken my wrist and was in a wrist brace. But

he tried.

That sounds right to me. I mean, special night. Go bowling.

Date nights. Let you guys answer first. What favorite date

Night. Well, I think it depends on the season of life. We

think we've gone through phases of different things that we

like, you know, sometimes we're trying to do things to save

money. Sometimes we're trying to do things during the day because

we're too tired at night and we run out of steam. I think most

recently we spend a lot of time doing brunches. That tends to

be, you know, a lot of times it's around a meal, but we like having

a brunch. It seems like there's less people and we're not

necessarily into big crowds or whatever, so. But we get to kind

of, I don't know, powwow. And it's almost like a little couples

meeting and I don't know, I'm always got an agenda. So he's more

the laid back and I'm more of a planner. I know, surprising. But

you know, we try to find little things to do and we do like

ice cream. Our ice cream of choice is Andy's. But yeah, just

wherever we can fit it in. Again, like he was saying earlier,

sometimes it, you know, we piggyback on our, our ministry hobbies.

You know, after outreach we'll go out and have dinner or something

and you know, stuff like that. Anything want to add? Anything?

Not much to add. I mean we enjoy the fancy date nights and you

know, things like that. Reason to get dressed up and go out. But

honestly we don't love crowds. We don't love, you know, there's

a lot of places we don't go. So honestly our brunch is been some

of our favorite dates. Just the laid back pace and no kids around.

It's been really easy to connect and just enjoy that time.

I think it was pointed out different stages of life as you have

the younger kids and you're still building a career or whatever

it may be, whether the husband and the wife. It doesn't take a lot

of money to do a date night. There's lots of options to do that.

And date night shouldn't end. Date night should. By that I mean

don't end. It doesn't matter your season of life, you should still

have a time date night or whatever you want to do and time

time with your spouse. So take that time. Date your spouse again

no matter your stage in life. Right, Brother Clovis. So taking

that time and brother Clovis agrees with me.

And it's easy once your kids reach.

Yeah, exactly. But also you have such a wonderful church family

here has already been named that can watch your Kids now, they

can. Their kids can watch their own kids. Right. So as your

stage in life changes, your kids should be able to watch themselves.

We have a sign up list.

Yeah.

If you need to put your name on it. Just saying.

Yeah. So also throw in.

We kind of turn everything into mini dates. We haven't always

done this, but just errands and just anything like that. If we

can do it.

Yeah, let's just go together.

Just gives you a little time to continue.

Go to Sam's together, whatever it takes. Yeah, yeah. So taking that

time together, it's very, very, very important. Date night.

We've gotten a little date night call. Use the Texas Texas Roadhouse

app and just order your stuff and go pick it up, come home and

do a date night. Honestly, when your kids are out of the house,

whatever, you know. But brother, I'm not going to go wait

in line for food if I don't have to. You know what I'm saying?

All right. But yes, again, taking the time I can remember, even

as a kid, or as kid, it's not the right word. As counseling other

couples, and couples especially who said, well, we don't

have any money. And I would say to them, you need to take a night.

You have free babysitters. Either it's family or it's church

family. Take the free babysitting and go do something.

Go walk in the park, go get ice cream. I mean, if you still.

I know prices have gone up. It's still relatively cheap to run

to Braum's and get a sundae or whatever the case may be. So take

that time. All right, so good suggestions tonight. All right, so

we'll come back over to James's. What is your favorite thing

about each other?

I don't know if I should pass that off.

Yeah, go ahead, brother James, let's start this.

It kind of goes hand in hand with being godly. But if you know

Rachel, she's very caring, compassionate. She is always, if

somebody needs help with anything, she's usually right there

to. To do that. So that's something that I really, really like

about her.

And I would say that without him, I couldn't do that. So it also

goes hand in hand that if he wasn't around to at 2 in the morning

say, yep, I can get kids to miss Tanya before work the next morning

so that I can go help somebody. Like that truly is. Again,

it. It goes back to ministry as a couple. If you're married, it

should be a together thing. So that's one thing I would Say about

Phil is he doesn't complain when I do have to leave in the middle

of the night or leave him scrambling to. But also, he parents,

he doesn't babysit. And I think that's super important in today's

society, probably Even more so 10 or 20 years ago, where dads were

like, hands off. That's mom's job. But Phil understands that he's

a dad, and he will tell you he doesn't babysit. He takes care of

his children. He does what dads are supposed to do.

So.

So I really do appreciate that in a husband, that he's a partner

with me when it comes to our children and the weight of that doesn't

fall on my shoulder. He understands his role biblically in

that.

It's good. I remember, again, our kids were growing up, our three

boys. I agree. You parent as a dad, you parent your boys when your

wife is not there, except when it comes to cooking. And then you

take them to Taco Bell. So my kids always knew if mama's going

to a ladies meeting or mama's going wherever, and if daddy cooks,

Daddy cooks at Taco Bell. That's how we cook. And they loved

it because they had a playground there and inside playground,

and we had a good time. So. But yeah, I mean, just taking that

opportunity to do that. Same question for y'all again. What's

your favorite thing about each other?

Well, and this has changed over the years, too. But my initial

thought was it's her energy. She will pour everything she has

into whatever she's doing until she collapses. But specifically

for our marriage and our family, just that she takes that

same energy and we'll give everything she's got just to make

us better. And then as we've gotten older, our shared vision for

our marriage and our family has really become one. And that wasn't

always the case, but it really makes everything work better.

Yeah. So as you get older, it begins to become more together as

far as where we're headed and what we're doing. Yeah, for sure.

I would say the things that I enjoy the most about him are the

things that balance me out. You know, he's a really funny guy,

and I tend to be too serious, and so it's nice to have that. That

laid back side. He's also really, really empathetic and really

caring and really nurturing of those around him. And that's something

that a lot of people don't get to see. But, you know, he kind of

takes it upon himself to go to the grocery store or prep meals for

the kids because they're complaining that there's not enough

stuff around the house. Or, you know, and it's. We're a team

in a lot of ways. And he's a great balance. There were seasons

in life where I did a lot of the cooking or the grocery shopping.

Now we go grocery shopping together. And all of the things that

he compliments me on, I think is what I enjoy most about him. I

do think as time goes on, you begin again. It becomes a shared

vision, and you start doing for the other what the others would

want and vice versa. And I know again, when we were raising

our boys, we found ourselves. I found myself doing the grocery

shopping, and it was just easier for me to go do it than her.

And so I got really good at going to Sam's. I mean, like, really,

really good. I knew where everything was at. Almost like, I

know Home Depot. I know Home Depot better. But I knew Sam's pretty

good. And so I think that's another thing, is that shared and

sharing in those things as time goes on. And this is always

a good one. Let's start back over the lungs. What is the worst

gift you've ever gotten for each other? So I'd say there was

one time for an anniversary that I was trying to be inexpensive.

So our anniversary. So this is pointing out my own fault. Not necessarily

something from him, but our anniversary is in January, so it's

right after Christmas. And Will's birthday is within a couple

of days of our anniversary, too. So our anniversary tends to

get pushed to the side a little bit. And it was also early

on and trying to be cheap because, you know, we. We didn't

have a whole lot of money starting off. We got married young.

Anyway, I. So I was angling for a free pool table, and I thought

that that would just, you know, that would be really great.

Well, it didn't pan out, and I didn't end up with the free pool

table. And even though I explained, you know, this is something

that we like to do, and this is going to be an anniversary present

because this is stuff that we like to do together. He's like, you

got me nothing. So that was. That was the worst gift. It's just

the nothingness. Yeah, it's a thought that counts, though. It's

a thought that counts.

Not the only time I got nothing, but so the worst. And I

feel bad, but it was an anniversary, and I don't know which

one, probably six or seven, just because of the volume. What

I remember, she was so excited. And she just couldn't be

more happy and took me, I think it was in the hallway, and

she had lined up like seven bouquets of flowers for me for our

anniversary, one for each year we'd been married. And I thought.

I wasn't sure if it was a joke or I just didn't understand it. But

she couldn't have been more excited, and I was just flabbergasted.

I had no idea how to take that. And I probably did not have

a very good poker face about it, but I still don't understand

it. But she was sweet and she was trying, and it meant something

to her. It meant nothing to me.

It's a good one. She wants you to start.

So I don't really remember a bad gift or a good one. Yeah, we

don't do a lot of gift giving, and I'm. I'm really bad at giving

gifts. So her answer should be nothing, because I'm sure she got

that a few times. But no, I don't really remember a bad gift,

but there wasn't anything real memorable. Now we usually. What we'll

do if one of us wants something bigger, we'll kind of discuss

it and just kind of buy it mutually. And that may cover a couple

holidays if it's something bigger. So. But no, I don't really

remember anything bad that I got.

It wasn't bad as in too bad. He tried. He tried really hard on

a couple different occasions. One, he bought a custom sign for

our house that says established, you know, in the whole,

like Texas and James family, Phil, Rachel and Abby. Except I was

expecting Eddie, so that name is still missing in our house. The

other is this Mother's Day ring that he ordered for me for Mother's

Day from China. And it didn't come for several months after Mother's

Day. And when it arrived, he got the kids birthdays mixed up.

So my ring is backward. Abby's birthday has Eddie Stone, and Eddie's

birthday has Abby Stone. But other than that, that's not bad at

all. Yeah, he doesn't. Phil is not a gift giver. And that's okay

because if I want something, we literally just talk about it.

So my last request was actually a shark fishing reel, which

I got. But. And that was. That should span a couple different birthdays

and anniversaries and Christmases.

And I think that also would have to do with being a little more.

Put it this way, a little. A little.

Little older, old and more mature.

That's it exactly. Because I can tell you Y'all have heard our

story a thousand times. But my worst gift I ever gave her. We had

just gotten married, and it was like, the second year or third

year. I don't remember. It was Christmas. I don't even remember

what it was. All I remember. Huh, the sweats. The sweatsuit. Yeah.

I was like, first Christmas, wasn't it? Yeah, first Christmas.

Okay, well, anyway, she'll correct me until this is almost over.

Anyway, so it was a second or third year, whatever it was. I got

her a sweatsuit. It was green, except the green wasn't the same.

Green for the top and the bottom. I went to what back then

would be kind of the equivalent of a Dollar General. What

was the name of that plane? I don't remember, but it was in downtown

Nakona in one of the old downtown stores. And, yeah, it didn't

go well. I would like to add, you know, both of our stories involved

my bad gift giving, but he's not innocent and all of that. There

was one year, and I don't even remember what the occasion was, but,

you know, we've talked about. We try to have the same hobbies.

Well, he was. He had convinced himself that he was going to take

up guitar, and so therefore, it should be my hobby, too. But I

was not so convinced in that. And I even told him I was like, I

am too old to be starting to learn a new. A new guitar now. This

must have been, like, 20 years ago. So even at the time, I was like,

no, I'm not. I'm not picking up a new instrument at my age. So.

But for what? Whatever might have been an anniversary. He. He

gifted me a guitar. Sounds reasonable to me. All right. Everybody

would have a funny story, no doubt. What is something. We'll go

back over here. What is something you have grown to appreciate

about your spouse after being married for a little while? And it

says on the.

The original question says for several decades, and we've been alive

for several decades, but we have not been married for several

decades. I would say the more I'm around others and seeing other

marriages and that haven't worked out, like, outside of our

church family, obviously, is that Phil puts a priority on where

the priority should be. He puts a priority on his church and

on his family, obviously on his job, but his job falls down in

that list and his church and Christ is above that list. And I've

really grown to appreciate the fact that he instills that into our

children and he shows them what's important there.

Just kind of going along with that. Yeah. You see a lot of marriages

not lasting. And so Rachel's dedication, you know, obviously being

transparent. Everybody has issues in their marriage and problems

and, you know, disagreements and things like that. But that's

not a make or break it like some people do and throw in the towel

and say, hey, that's, you know, that's it. So just her dedication

and love for God, just. Just sticking with me and my faults.

So again, it's not about walking out. It's about working it

out. Marriage is. Marriage is work. It really is. If you're going

to have a good marriage, you have to work at it.

Well, like the question mentions, we have been married for

decades, and it's kind of what I've already mentioned, but it's.

It's that level of oneness we have where her vision is my vision

and just the focus on. And again, we weren't always as good

about this, but, you know, her primary focus is the marriage and

the family. And, you know, and we're always striving for that. But

that's. I don't know if it's just age or just, you know, decades

of working on this, but that's what I appreciate the most right

now.

Right. But that's the way it should work. I mean, it should work

that way as you work on your marriage. It should. You should get

closer as time goes on, not farther apart. And I would say the

thing that I've grown to appreciate, you know, like I said

growing up, I grew up in a Catholic family, not necessarily

in the Bible or teaching what a good godly home looks like. I'm

not saying that they weren't. That we didn't worship or whatever,

but I wasn't raised to appreciate or understand what qualities

to look for in a husband. And so to see the way that he leads our

family and in a godly way, it's definitely been something that

I appreciate. And I got lucky in that regard because that's not

something I was looking for when I was younger. Very good. Establishing

a family altar. Brother James.

Yeah, so it's been mentioned last few years, but I agree with

what was said. It's just keeping with it. I think every year

it's been mentioned where there's been a lapse and, oh, no,

we gotta start that again. So the family devotions, you just gotta

keep starting it. And of course, as the kids get older, there's

gonna be other things that come up. And so having just a specific

routine or a specific time when you do that. When I was growing

Up. It was always around dinner time because that's when the

family was there. And so that's when we've done it. Seems

to work best. But, yeah, just. Just sticking with it because it's

easy to say, oh, well, we missed, you know, missed a couple

days, couple weeks, but just, you know, starting it up again. And

kids are pretty forgiving. They. They know, oh, yeah, let's.

Let's start that again. And they're usually on board with it,

so at least at this age.

No, they were. And I believe that my sons would testify as we

would go a little while without it, then we pick it back

up, go a little while without, pick it back up. And it's just with

our schedules the way they are, you just got to keep trying,

keep going.

For us, practically speaking, what matters is keeping it simple,

keeping it convenient, and keeping it interactive. When I first

started trying to do devotions, I would. I'd end up basically

preparing a sermon, and it would come across preachy, and it

would take an hour, and it was just. Which would also make it easy

to, you know, not be prepared, but became too big a thing. And so,

you know, we're rarely together except maybe at dinner time.

And so that's the convenient time. Using the little devotionals

we have back here. I don't love those, and a lot of times I

don't love them when I open it to it, but it gives us a place where

there's always something there. There's a verse or a thought

or something we can go with. So if I haven't prepared, there's

nothing on my heart. We keep those on our dinner table. And, you

know, we probably fail more than we succeed, but they're there,

and we can see them, and any of us remembers it. You know, I'll

do that. And then the interactive. If I end up just talking

the whole time, I see the faces glaze over, but we go around

and kind of talk about a verse or whatever it is, and it seems to

really help everyone get something out of it.

And then I've. Growing up with my dad, it was breakfast. Dad would

get up, cook breakfast. Before we went to school, we had devotion

time. The little devotional called Daily Bread. Some of y'all

remember that before it went another version of the Bible, it

used to be King James, and he would do that, and we'd all pray

together. And so that's kind of what we did with our boys, too,

growing up again, as we continue to try to implement it over

and over and over again and keep it simple. That is the key.

Keep it simple. If you over complicate it, if you make it too

long, you'll find that you won't be as consistent. And so we

did the same thing as our kids got older, especially. We just took

one of the devotionals. There's plenty of them back there

in the bookstore. There's plenty. The Paul Chapel or Brother

Sexton or there's one back there. Used to be one from Dr. Barber.

You can take those devotionals. They have a nice scripture

to read and a thought for the day, and to do that would be a blessing.

Do not take and try to do an hour devotional with your kids. You

know, just over time, you're going to find yourself burning out

on that. But it is good to try to continue. It's one of the things

the devil fights. He fights it. Just keep trying. Start it over.

If you got to start it over every month. If you go a month without

it, start it back up again. Maybe go two months without it, start

it back up again, and just keep. Keep going. Okay. All right.

And I would like to add, too, we actually do a couple's devotion

when. When the time or the occasion comes to it. There's one

in the. In the bookstore that we really enjoyed. Gary. Gary Chapman.

Is that. Yes, the Love Language one? Yeah, the Love Language

one. It's. It's not always kjv, but we, you know, we look up

the. The. The KJV version, and it's. It's been really interesting

to see how many times that. That was so, well, fitting for that

day. You know, we'll flip to whatever day we're looking at it,

and it's. It's really been. It really hits home every time. So we've

really enjoyed that one. Yeah, so that. That's one I specifically.

Specifically put in the bookstore, was given to me years

ago on the Love Language. Again, it's not King James, but we

can get past that. And then another thing you can do as a couple

is you can actually read a book together. Like brother Webby

mentioned the book Love and Respect. That's a great book. And

what you can do is you can read a few pages each night together

and have a devotional together like that, too, so encourage you

in that way. Okay. All right, we'll come back over to y'all. The

Luns, how do you. How do you help each other through trials, through

life's trials?

Well, I guess just communication, just being able to

really bear everything to each other. If she knows every fear I

have Every know, every emotion I'm dealing with, then we can really

take it on together and then pray together and just help each

other through.

And I'd like to chime in, say, for a man, that's so important because

men generally don't do that and don't completely open up to their

spouse.

It took 20 years.

Yeah, it takes 20. Takes a while. But opening up of your fears,

the trials that you're facing, so important. Yeah, I definitely

feel like we've come a long way in that you have to learn how

to speak to one another. In fact, we actually went through the

love languages book and how we each receive love and how we communicate

that or give or communicate, and learning how to speak to one

another, I think was really important. I tend to be really direct,

and he tends to be really emotional, and just being able to

speak to one another on each other's level was definitely something

that took us a while, but it makes a big difference. I think reading

that book will help you kind of identify not only your love language,

but kind of the personality traits and be able to understand

your spouse better. When you do face those trials and why you

do have. It is amazing how opposites do attract and you end

up with one who's more. You know, And I can see that here very.

And I can see that here very. And y'all can see that in my wife

and I. I mean, it's. It. I could go through every marriage and

show you nearly every one of them how that you marry someone who

completes you. That's the whole point. He said, I've made you

a helpmate, someone who completes you. And so. Such a great

point. Okay, go ahead. Sorry.

So, yeah, kind of going along what brother Steve said, but the

big thing for me is listening to the. Whatever the problem is,

because at least for me, sometimes you. You're listening,

but you're not really listening. And so just understanding

that and kind of putting away the distractions and just focusing

on that problem. And, you know, as men, most of the time, we're

not as compassionate as women are. So putting yourself in their

place and again, praying once you know the need and you're listening,

praying specifically for that and encouraging, you know, encouraging

her through the day. Hey, praying for you. You know, you've

got this going on. Just acknowledging that really helps me

when I get a message from her saying that she's praying for me

and something that I'm going through that day.

I'm sorry, what was the question? I want to make sure I'm

answering.

That how do you help each other going through life's trials?

I would say being present, it's easy for us to have. He has

his career and I have my career and I have everything else

going on and he has a lot on his plate. But yet when it comes

down to there's a critical doctor's appointment or there's your

dad is on his deathbed. We've been through a lot in the past year

and we did get married later in life. I was 30, he was 33. And

we went through things not necessarily on our own because we

each had our church family and we each had our personal families.

But it is different when you have a spouse that you can walk through

that together and you can talk through those emotions and those

feelings. But being present, not just physically present, but

actually aware of what is going on in the other person's life,

I think makes a big deal. And then like Phil said, we try to make

it a habit of sending each other an email. He gets up way earlier

than I do because I work way later than he does at night. So we

don't always see each other in the mornings. We rarely see each

other in the mornings. But I'll wake up to an email or as soon

as I know he's at work, a text message, just something to help us

connect early, early in the day so that those lines of communication

stay open for the whole day. So that when something does come

up and something hard happens in the day, the first person that

I want to message or call is Phil. Because I do know that that

text or that email, hey, I'm praying for you today is true.

I think too. Listening to the James's, I'm reminded of again, other

couples I deal with who've been married really again, not late

in life, it's the average in America. But one thing that happens

is because you have your individual lives before you get married

and you've been independent, you already had good jobs and you

already had your own bank accounts and you know, I'm talking

about you had an established life when you got married. Then trying

to, you know, again, weave that together is more of a challenge

sometimes. And so he went from a three.

Bedroom, two bath house and I went from a three bedroom, two bath

House to a 800 square foot apartment when we got married and

we learned really early on that it was best if I cooked before

he got home. So if he was coming home at 2 in the afternoon,

supper was already done because it wasn't going to work if

we were in the kitchen together. Thankfully, after nine

years. Now he just before church, as I was cooking, I stepped

over him as he was working on the sink. So it does get easier as

you learn to again, communicate. And I can say to him,

you are in my way. And he doesn't take offense to that. So

it has improved a lot.

But I think you guys can help and be an example to those who have

and who deal with those issues of being married a little later and

already having independent lives. Like I said, having two houses.

I've seen that happen many, many times where a young couple has

the two houses and we got to sell one of them and all the things

that go into that.

But immediately on December 5, 2015, it became ours. It wasn't too

separate, like instantly, everything was combined into one.

And I don't think it would worked otherw.

Right. I believe that when the Bible says that two become one, that's

what it means. It means your bank accounts become one. I don't

believe that a married couple ought to have separate bank accounts.

I don't think married couples ought to have separate credit cards.

In fact, I don't believe that because it's not biblical. Everything's

together. It's either all or it's not. You know, we're together.

And so I've seen divorced couples after they have divorced

and then they get remarried, they say, well, I've been through

this before. I'm going to keep things separate. And I'm just telling

you, that's not Bible. That's not what you should do. It should

be together. We're one. Amen. And I appreciate what a great example

we have up here. Not that we don't have a great example of that

over here, but married young, you know, you didn't know any better.

All right, I'm almost done. We'll go ahead and go back to you

guys. Tell us the importance of prioritizing church family.

Well, I can get really passionate about this one. So in

24 years, we have not always kept God at the center of our marriage

or our family. And I'll tell you, even when you think you're moral

or you think you're good, if you don't keep Christ as the sinner

and you're not always aiming to be in his will, sin will creep

in and it will drive you apart. And the kids. So, you know,

we paid a price in our marriage and in our family, we our

kids as well. But only when we wake up every day and try to focus

on Jesus and just actively seek to Stay in his will. Everything's

come together. The family's harmonious. Their marriage is closer

than we've ever been. Everyone's happier. Just everything

works better.

I think a lot of it started with both of us growing up. Church

was always a priority coming kind of like it was for you, Pastor.

Just we were always there, each of us, you know, all three services

and anything else that was happening at church. And so that

kind of helped instill that in our. Each of our minds. And then

as we were single and living on our own, that had to be a priority,

too. It, you know, wasn't necessarily always as high of a priority

for me when I was single, but the job I was working didn't. Didn't

give me a lot of time off on Sunday so I could run over quick

for the service and then go right back to work. And so as I got

more established in that, I was able to get more involved in

that. And then that kind of. As we came together, the big priority

was, where are we going to live? Where are we going to move

to? And the first thing that we did was, even before we moved

into the apartment, was find a church that we were going to be going

to, so we already knew where we were going. And that, again, it's

just kind of always been a priority. And if you do that, it

makes it a priority for your kids as well. They know what to expect.

Kids never ask the question, are we going to church today? That

should never happen. It really shouldn't. Church is a priority.

Priority if you move. I know we have several families that get

opportunities to take jobs somewhere else. And I always encourage

them. I encourage you. If you do that, then look for a church.

There's a good church in that area. You ought to look for that

first. One of the ways you might indicate whether God wants

you to take that job is whether or not there's a good church

in that area. And so, you know, making it a priority. Making

it a priority over everything. Making it a priority with your family,

with your kids, no matter what's going on with the school programs

and everything else in life that gets so busy, Church is number

one. We're going to church no matter what's. No matter what's happening.

So I appreciate both these families. All right, so lastly, we'll

come back over to the Luns. Just parting words of what do you

believe? You know, help in making a marriage successful. What

is. What does that look like to you?

Well, before I forget it, I wanted to throw in one thing that

I. That Took me at least two decades to learn about listening.

There really are times when the best thing I can do is listen

and not offer a solution. It's simple and it's obvious to most of

you apparently, but I did not know that and I have to actually

ask her sometimes am I, do you want a solution or am I just supposed

to let you vent? But honestly, overall, the biggest thing that I

think, and I wish I could go back 20 years ago and tell myself

is you must be really intentional and active in maintaining

your marriage and your family. You can't ever coast. It's an active

job. I mean, you have to work at it. It's worth it, but you have

to, you know, pour yourself into it, keep God at the center,

be quick to forgive and quick to listen.

Yeah, just more of the same things that we've talked about is

just making sure that you always keep communication lines open.

And communication is, is so important, not holding back, being

able to effectively listen. Communication is not necessarily

just talking. It's being able to listen and understanding what

your partner needs from you in that regard. I think what brother

Lund said about most men are that way. They want hear the problem,

here's the solution. And, and sometimes we just need to be quiet.

I've also found that as a pastor too, even working with our

staff here, sometimes it's just better just to kind of let them

talk and let them get through the talk and there may not be a solution.

And they would usually sometimes come up with their own

solutions. And so yes, absolutely. I think in a marriage,

especially men, we have a tendency to want to, yeah, solve

the problem. And she's just wanting to tell you the story.

So several of the keys were in the other answers of the questions.

But for us, you know, putting God first, making sure church is

a priority, finding something that you both like to do so that

you can spend time doing that together. And one thing I wrote down,

especially for either new couples or maybe just couples in

dating that aren't married yet but would be, don't think that you

can change the other person. You know, we especially both of us

had been living on our own for, you know, seven, eight, nine

years. And you know, we have our own habits and things like that.

And so you can't think, oh yeah, when we get married, she's

going to do this and she'll change. We're all our own individual

person. And so in that case, you really don't want them to change.

That's part of who they are. And so even habits and Things like

that. We got to give and take a little bit. But don't think that

everything's going to change when you get married and it's going

to be perfect. You're going to have to work through those problems.

Yeah, I think we all experience that. Absolutely.

I would say a couple things, first of all, would be agree on your

finances, because that can be a constant contention if you don't.

And Phil is definitely the money guy and I'm the guy that spends

it, but he did set me up. So for those of you who are single,

he literally worked hard so that he could. Could have good financial

stability for his wife. So if you have the ability to do that,

that's been one of my greatest blessings is having somebody who

knew money, and he does, and I like to spend it. But we do have

resources in our church, too, that can help you with that. We have

people here that are really good at that. But then I think probably

the most important thing I would like to stress is to find a

couple who love both of you that you can go to. So for us, the

Lassiters or Clovis and Judy Hale, who have an interest in both

of us together, because if I want, you know, first of all, don't

go tell somebody else all about your husband what you don't

like. Right. But when I have an insecurity or something, I need

to go to someone not that's on my side, but somebody who together

wants to see us succeed. So finding a couple that I can trust,

that he can trust, but that loves both of us because it truly

isn't my problem or his problem, it truly is we have an issue

in life that we have to get through together. And on that same

note, having friends that as a couple, we can spend time with. So

while there's nothing wrong with a girl's night out every once

in a while or him going fishing, you know, without me, there

is something wrong with that. Let me backtrack on that. Him going

to dishonor.

I have done that with him before. So us guys have been out

fishing before.

But as a general rule, if you find people, your people are people

that you can spend time together with, with your spouse,

so that it's not every single week. I'm doing my own thing and

he's doing his own thing. So if there's one thing I think that

I could stress the most, it's to find you a Clovis and Judy Hale

or find you a brother and Mrs. Lasseter or someone that has proven

that their Marriage worked because they put God first.

Exactly. And if I can also add too, I think something that would

have helped us quite a bit is we didn't have the best example of

a marriage in our parents growing up. And I think that something

that would help make a lot of help a lot of couples is just to

raise your kids to understand what a good. Marriage looks like

and to have some examples. We have some wonderful examples in our

church, including these two. And they've already mentioned Clovis

and Judy. They get a lot of attention. But there's so many others,

too, brother Roy, Ms. Linda, others who've been up here on the

stage, whom I look up to.

But those couples that you name are the ones who are always

here working together. Right. Like the Reeds are the ones who are

setting up for missions conference, and the Hales are the

ones who are running to get stuff. Like those couples that are

such a good example are serving together in ministry.

Right? That's it. All right. We appreciate it very much. Y'all

appreciate it very, very much. Let's have a time. We're gonna have

a time. Let's all stand. We're gonna have invitation. Yeah, they

did a great job, didn't they? Putting up with me too is tough.

We're gonna have a time of invitation. Maybe something was said

tonight. Maybe you want something. Come pray about something.

I do believe testimony is a. Is absolutely. In the Bible. They

gave their testimonies and. And Paul gave his testimony so many

times. And these are not just in to. Just to say words, but they're

there to help encourage you, influence you. And so I encourage

you. If the Lord's touched your heart, you come tonight. So

we're going to sing hymn 500, Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior, after

we pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for these two marriages.

And Lord, may you continue to bless them, may give them wisdom

as they continue to go forward. Lord, I do pray tonight

that if it's touched a heart, maybe just one thing or two things

that were said would influence a life. Tonight I pray that your

Holy Spirit would work in the life of those who've been listening.

In Jesus name, amen.