Ephesians: Marriage and the Imitation of God (5:22-6:9)

Hello, friends.

This is Pastor Creighton.

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The second lesson is from Ephesians five.

Okay.

Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Be filled with the Spirit, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives?

Submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother.

This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ.

Not by the way of eye service, as people pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does is he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free.

Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their master and yours in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

Thanks be to God.

This mystery of marriage is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Let's pray.

Lord, with the words of my mouth and the meditation of all of our hearts be always pleasing in your sight, O Lord, our Rock and our Redeemer.

Amen.

Please be seated.

So we're drawing to a close, or pardon me, we're drawing close to the conclusion of our study of the Apostle Paul's letter to the Ephesian Church, and we've been reading this letter with a question on our minds, and the question is this: why bother with the church?

We've seen that the church is the assembly, the ecclesia of God's people, chosen by God, redeemed in Christ, and sealed by his Holy Spirit, saved by grace, called to live as a unified body in Christ, our head.

And beginning in chapter 4, Paul calls us, the church, to live a life consistent with these gospel truths, or in his words, walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.

That means practicing unity, putting off the old sinful self and putting on the renewed self in Christ, which we saw in last Sunday's text means living a holy life, through imitating God and walking in sacrificial love.

Such a life is a spirit-filled life, we read in chapter 5, verse 18, full of melody and thanksgiving and praise.

It's this spirit-filled life, the imitation of God and walking in love that leads us to chapter 5, verse 21, which is where we left off last week.

Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Submission, we might say, is a willful yielding of self-centered self-will and a voluntary extension of humble self-giving for the sake of the other.

Let me say that again because that is a mouthful.

Submission is a willful yielding of self-centered self-will and a voluntary extension of humble self-giving for the sake of the other.

Christian submission doesn't seek to elevate oneself above another, or vie for status or power, or push its own agenda on another.

Rather, Christian submission seeks to serve one another, as Christ has humbly served us.

Paul writes to the Philippian Church, Jesus humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

So all Christians, men and women, single and married, imitate God when they walk in sacrificial love like Christ, and they humbly submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

So if that's true, what does it look like to imitate God in the Christian home?

Mutual submission, rightly understood, is key for understanding the whole text that follows.

Which is why this is the first time in our study together.

We've included portions of last week's reading in our own today.

What does it look like to imitate God at home?

In chapter 6, verses 1 and 4, Paul gives instructions to children to obey the fourth commandment and to honor their parents.

Young ones are to submit themselves to their parents in reverence for Christ.

And in verses 5 to 9, Paul instructs bondservants to obey earthly masters with sincerity.

Humbly submit to your masters as you would to Christ.

And masters are called to submit to their greater authority, their divine master.

Now, in first century Greco-Roman culture, slavery was an indentured servitude.

It was a very different thing than how we think of it today.

There's a lot that could be said here, but time is limited.

So let me say this.

Historically, exegetically, and theologically, these verses and similar verses in Scripture in no way sanction human slavery of any sort.

And if you'd like to go deeper on that question, or honestly, this is one of those jam-packed passages, I would be shocked to think I answered all questions that jumped out of the page.

Let's grab coffee and let's dive deeper into some of these questions if you'd like.

What I would like us to do in our time together this morning is to zoom in on chapter 5, verses 22 to 33, instructions relating to husbands and wives.

Christian marriage is a particular means of grace and mode of discipleship in which spouses are joined together by God to practice the imitation of God through self-giving submission and sacrificial love.

In so doing, the union of marriage points beyond itself to the great mystery of the gospel.

In the words of our prayer book, Almighty God established the bond and covenant of marriage in creation as a sign of the mystical union between Christ and his church.

So perhaps there's an answer here to the question, why bother with the church?

And perhaps it's the same answer we would get if we were to ask, why bother with marriage?

And the answer is this the gospel.

See, this sermon is not going to be Creighton's best marriage advice.

I've been married for like five minutes.

It's been wonderful.

But it's not lost on me that there's folks here who have been married longer than I've been alive.

Neither am I interested in delegating roles and responsibilities.

Which rooms belong to the wife and which small motors the men need to keep maintained.

This sermon is about seeing the gospel lived out in real time between real wives and real husbands through real self-giving and self-sacrifice.

And because this sermon is about the gospel, I trust that single folks will not be left behind.

Singles and married both share a common life together in the body of Christ, and we need one another.

And together we have a heavenly heritage, and we're promised an eternal union together with our Savior.

Marriage, Paul makes clear, is a living witness to the union of Christ, the bridegroom, with his bride, the church.

So here's what I'd like to do.

I'd like us to talk about the biblical background to Paul's teaching here.

And then I'd like us to explore the two imperatives given to wives and husbands, respectively, bearing in mind that marriage points beyond itself.

It's a living witness to the union of Christ and his church.

So in verse 31, Paul grounds his teaching here in the narrative of Genesis chapter 2.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

Verse 31.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This is Paul quoting the narrator of Genesis's conclusion at the creation of Eve.

This points to God's unalterable design for the covenant of marriage, a lifelong and exclusive union in heart, mind, and body, one flesh, between one man and one woman, from mutual joy and help and comfort to the glory of God.

And it's this kinship between the man and the woman that takes priority over all human relationships.

And this is why the husband is called to leave his father and mother and cleave, hold fast to his wife.

Marriage is picked up throughout Scripture as an illustration of God's enduring covenant love for his people.

We can read in Ezekiel chapter 16 God's longing heart as a husband longs for his wife.

Ezekiel 16 · chapter mention

And all of this anticipates anticipates the conclusion of the history of salvation.

We can go from the beginning of the Bible, where a marriage takes place, to the end of the Bible, where another wedding takes place.

Revelation 19 tells us about the everlasting union between Christ and his church.

Here the Apostle John sees a vision of the beginning of the world to come.

Revelation 19, I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, Hallelujah! For the Lord our God, the Almighty reigns.

Let us rejoice and exalt and give him glory.

Why?

For the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.

The cherished bride, the beloved bride, it's clear, is his people, the church.

See, all of this suggests that marriage was never meant to be just about marriage.

A Christian recognizes in marriage a spiritual dimension that reflects the gospel and points us towards eternity.

And this for Paul comes with exhortations.

Let's look at the first exhortation, verses 22 to 24.

Paul begins, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

Submit.

Really?

So at first reading, this seems like a really ugly and callous, even merciless and chauvinistic word, doesn't it?

And let's be honest, there are many men through the ages who've used this word submit, who've even pointed to this very verse of Scripture to subjugate and tyrannize women.

And such abuse and denigration of women is inexcusable.

And such a twisting of God's word is in no way faithful to a gospel-centered vision for marriage that Paul communicates here.

This word submission or respect is its equivalent in verse 33.

It's not the same as obedience between children and parents or masters and bondservants, which Paul goes on to talk about.

Let's consider again a biblically normed definition of submission, if you'll accept mine.

Submission is a willful yielding of self-centered self-will and a voluntary extension of humble self-giving for the sake of the other.

So in this case, a wife is called to willfully, that is, not under coercion, yield of her own self-centered self-will, since we're all sinners, and we are all of us inclined to be curved in on ourselves, and voluntarily extend humble self-giving towards her husband.

This is not a call for women to relinquish their agency and be controlled.

It's a call for a wife to choose to relate to her husband by way of committed self-giving, and so reflect the way the church relates to Christ.

Notice, too, that there's a limited scope to Paul's exhortation.

Wives are to willfully yield themselves to their own husbands as their God-given covenant partners.

There is no sense in which every woman is expected to submit in every way to every man in every circumstance.

Both men and women are created equal in God's image.

And Paul says in Galatians chapter 3, they are together joint heirs of eternal life.

Galatians 3 · chapter mention

Women are in no way second-class persons or Christians, but co-equal sisters in the gospel.

The question remains, why submit to the husband?

Paul says, verse 23, the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.

Headship is not meant to suggest domineering control.

It's meant to reflect how Christ relates to his beloved bride, the church.

We see this in chapter 1, verse 22.

Simply put, Christ's headship is not grounded in his heavy-handed or selfish use or abuse of power.

Christ's headship implies authority over the church, that's true.

But we should bear in mind that Jesus has already flipped the earthly paradigm of lording authority over subjects to an other-oriented servant leadership.

In Matthew chapter 20, Jesus instructs his disciples that whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Matthew 20 · chapter mention

See, did submit in everything, which we see in verse 24, assumes that the husband relates to his wife in a way that reflects how Christ relates to his church.

He cherishes her.

This is how the church is called to relate to Christ, and we have a reflection of this spiritual reality in the willful self-giving of a beloved wife cherished by her adoring husband.

So the bottom line is this even as all Christians, single and married, men and women, are called to imitate our selfless God through mutual submission, verse 21, wives receive in marriage a particular call to live out this self-giving toward their husbands.

It's through this willful yielding of themselves for the sake of their spouse that wives bear a living witness to the joyful and life-giving submission of the church to her loving and compassionate bridegroom, Christ.

Let's explore the second exhortation.

Verse 25.

Now, perhaps at first glance this seems like the easier of the two exhortations.

Wives submit, husbands love.

Once again, men have it easier.

But I think we'd be mistaken to think that this imperative elevates husbands over wives or provides an easier road.

Let's consider this.

Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

With what kind of love did Christ love the church?

See, we've seen this same word for love, agape, in chapter 5, verse 2.

We saw it last week.

Walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.

To agape is to will the good of the other, especially through self-sacrifice.

Agape love, writes Paul, is patient and kind.

It does not envy or boast.

It is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way.

It is not irritable or resentful.

It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Agape bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Agape never ends.

See, as Christ laid down his life for his church, so too is a husband called to lay down his very life and everything he holds dear for his bride.

He is called to relate to his wife by way of committed self-sacrifice, giving up of himself for the good of his spouse.

Christ's love for his church is one of complete self-sacrifice for her benefit.

And the cross is proof that there is no cost so great that our Savior, in his fathomless love for us, is not willing to pay it.

Paul writes, verse 25 Christ gave himself up for her, his bride, the church, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might.

Be holy and without blemish.

No, human husbands don't sanctify or cleanse or make their wives holy or blameless as Christ does.

Husbands are not their wives' saviors or mediators.

Husbands are called to imitate God in complete selfless love toward their wives.

There ought to be no personal cost too great to ensure that their wives find their marriage a source of rich fulfillment and joy in the Lord as they prepare together to enter into the glory of their Savior.

Verse 28.

See, Paul's not talking about some kind of narcissistic love for yourself that kind of spills out into your wife.

He's calling attention to the one flesh union of husband and wife.

Just as real as our own bodies are to us, so too is a husband's spiritual union with his wife.

So he ought to cherish her.

He ought to care for her.

Nothing could be more precious to him than his bride, with whom he is united.

And so he agape accordingly.

Even as all Christians, single and married, women and men, are called to imitate our gracious God through walking in self-sacrificing agape love, verse 2, husbands receive in marriage a particular call to live out this self-sacrificial love toward their wives.

It's through willing the good of their spouse at all personal costs that husbands bear living witness to Christ's complete self-sacrifice to redeem and cherish his beloved bride, the church.

This mystery of marriage is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.

So for those of us who are married, the question is this Is self-giving and self-sacrifice what characterizes your relationship with your spouse?

This is my confession.

I am frequently surprised by how easy it is for me to be compassionate and kind and patient and selfless with a stranger, and how hard it is to be anywhere near as compassionate, kind, patient, and selfless at home.

See, on paper it should be the opposite, shouldn't it?

My spouse, being who she is, being the one I spend the most time with, the one I've made vows to, should receive every measure of kindness and self-sacrifice that I have to offer.

We're united in marriage.

And we're meant to reflect together the sacred union of Christ and his church.

And yet somehow practicing agape is hardest at home.

Don't you find that?

It's easy to start to view our spouse as less of a living witness to the gospel with us and more of a living nuisance to us.

Sorry, I didn't mean to.

Don't read too much into that.

Hand gestures work against me sometimes.

The truth is when the honeymoon is over, you're left with two sinners trying to live under the same roof.

The church reformer Martin Luther reflects what a lot of trouble there is in marriage.

Adam has made a mess of our nature.

Think of all the squabbles he says, Adam and Eve must have had in the course of their 900 years.

Eve would say, You ate the apple, and Adam would retort, You gave it to me.

But rather than conclude with the disciples that it is better than not to marry, Luther instead described marriage as a school of character.

It's a means of grace and a mode of discipleship.

Not the means of grace, not the mode of discipleship, but it is a mode of discipleship by which God exposes a sinner's self-interest and curves them out of themselves and towards himself and their spouse in loving union.

See, that's more than a flowers on Valentine's Day kind of love.

That's a daily dying to selfish desire and self-will, so that by grace we may repent and turn toward our spouse and cherish them through self-giving and self-sacrifice in the imitation of Christ and his church.

And that daily dying doesn't begin when our spouse finally changes.

Begins with us.

A commitment to love our spouse, not just when it's easy, but especially when it's difficult.

And in so doing, we begin to see a glimpse of the unfathomable love shared between Christ and his church, lived out in front of our eyes, because marriage is a living witness to the union of Christ the bridegroom and his bride, the church.

So if all this is true, it means that Christians and non-Christians, friends, family, and neighbors, even ourselves, married and single, should be able to look at our marriages and see a living witness of the gospel, something that points beyond itself to the love behind all loves.

Will they look at our marriages and see only gospel?

Probably not.

They'll see sinners struggling and speaking impulsively, wounding and being wounded.

But by God's gracious work within us, through self-giving and self-sacrificial love, they'll also see reconciliation and renewal, forgiveness and perseverance.

They'll see the grace of the gospel at work as we bear living witness to that last great day where we will all join an everlasting union with Christ, our bridegroom, singing together, Hallelujah.

Let us rejoice and exalt and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come.

Amen.

Thank you for listening today.

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