Colossians 3:18-4:1

Well, good morning.

Turn with me, if you will, to Colossians chapter three.

Colossians chapter three.

And today we will be looking at verses 18 into chapter 4, verse 1, which is all about the new man's relationships.

So if you remember from our previous studies, Paul writes this letter to the Colossians to establish Christology and share about his ministry in chapter one.

Then he exposes false teaching and he points to the sufficiency of Christ in chapter 2.

Then here in chapter 3, Paul commands them to seek the things that are above.

And he explains what that looks like in verses 5 through 17.

So far, here in chapter 3, Paul has shown us what it looks like to seek the things above.

It starts with killing the things below.

And it involves putting on the attributes of Christ.

So now that we know what kind of traits, behaviors, attitudes we should be putting on and off, one question remains.

What about relationships?

How should the new nature affect our marital, our parental, and our social relationships?

And so Paul gets tedious in detail because the salvation that we have received as Christians is all invasive.

The new nature that we have received, it doesn't just clean us up a little bit and make us go to church on Sundays.

The power of the gospel is meant to penetrate every area of our life.

This includes the way that we walk, how we talk, how we think, how we spend our money, and as we will see today, how we interact with our spouse, our children, our co-workers.

To put this simply, if you have a new relationship with Jesus Christ, then you should have a new relationship with your spouse, with your children, with your coworkers, and with your friends.

God's redemption plan doesn't just apply to our souls, it applies to our positions and roles in every relationship that we have.

And so in our passage today, Paul begins with marriage.

And rightly so, because marriages are the fundamental building block of the family that directly makes up communities and societies and ultimately civilizations.

And so Paul starts with a command to both wives and husbands.

He says in verses 18 and 19, wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

So before we dive into these commands, let's back up for just a moment and remind ourselves of Genesis 1 through 3.

If you remember, before sin entered the world, God created Adam and Eve, and it was very good.

And God had a purpose for men and women.

Adam was to graciously lead and love his wife.

Eve was created from Adam's rib to be his helpmate, a support who delightfully enjoyed his leadership.

So this was God's original design in marriage.

Two genders, two unique roles, operating as one flesh, co-equal in value, sharing in the same divine grace, but with distinct roles as male and female.

So Adam was perfectly loving Eve with perfect attention and affection, saying, I love you.

How can I cherish you?

How can I protect you and nourish you?

How can I lead you well?

And Eve was respecting and supporting Adam, saying, I enjoy your leadership.

How can I support and come alongside you?

But sadly, in Genesis 3, when sin entered the world, this relationship got all jacked up.

Sin totally corrupted and perverted these roles and positions.

And God even gives us insight on how the curse tarnished this relationship in Genesis 3:16.

Genesis 3:16

God says, the woman's desire will now be for her husband.

And what that means is she will now want to control, usurp, or take the husband's authority.

And the husband, God says, will now have the desire to rule over his wife, meaning rule harshly, neglectfully, unlovingly.

And so sin spoiled God's good and perfect design for marriage.

The natural inclination now for the husband is to abdicate responsibility, to mistreat their wives or neglect them.

The natural inclination now for women is to rebel against or steal the headship role of the husband.

And since we have abandoned God's original design for us, this has caused a history-long epidemic of tension in marriage, a fight for control, manipulation and hostility, which has led to endless resentment, unfaithfulness, resulting in divorce, pain, suffering.

So the reason that the wife is specifically commanded to submit to her husband, and the reason that the husband is specifically commanded to love his wife is because Paul is trying to reverse the curse.

He is trying to redeem and restore that which sin has stolen and to bring us back to God's original purpose in marriage.

Christ has made it possible for us to have not a perfect marriage, but a restored marriage.

And so Paul starts with wives.

He says, wives, submit to your own husband.

Not submit to any man, but to your own husband, the man whom God has sovereignly placed in your life.

Now I know the word submit is pretty much a derogatory term in our culture, but in Scripture it is one of the highest virtues.

The Greek word means to bring something under control.

It's the idea of compliance.

Jesus submitted himself to the Father's will, and it produced eternal glories.

All Christians are commanded to submit themselves to God's word.

Sarah submitted herself to Abraham's leadership, resulting in the fulfillment of God's promise.

Submission is acknowledging that God has established order and authority, and it's getting on board with his program.

Therefore, when wives submit to their husbands, look at the verse, it is fitting to the Lord.

It makes God so happy when wives function as God intended.

He looks at such a wife and he says, This is pleasing in my sight, because you are fulfilling his original purpose for you.

Now the objection always arises, okay, Jimmy, but to what limit?

Okay, should I submit to my husband if he's nasty and abusive?

Am I to submit to my husband if he's making stupid decisions?

And first of all, I want to say that there are biblical exceptions.

If your life is at risk, if he's asking you to sin or participate in evil or go along with an adulterous relationship, you're not called to submit to any of those things.

But apart from the biblical exceptions, in all discernment, as much as you possibly can, in all wisdom, be submissive towards your husband.

And in doing so, you are loving the Lord Jesus Christ.

You're honoring God's original design in marriage, which brings him glory.

This is why 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians 5 repeat this same command towards wives, because it is redemptive, it's a beautiful, it's a God-magnifying matter.

And obviously, this is not a popular teaching in our culture.

People are always apologizing for or caveating this command.

In fact, I'm meeting more Christians who have never even heard of such a teaching.

But it is so clear, it's so redundant, and it's straightforward in the Bible.

So be prepared, women, wives, for the hyper-feminist movement to accuse you of being a victim of toxic masculinity.

Be prepared for society to say that you're wasting away your strong leadership qualities that you should be exercising over your husband.

Be prepared, women, to be accused of participating in outdated behavior.

But wives, stand on the words of our Lord, who says this submit to your own husband, for it is fitting in his sight.

Next, Paul turns his attention his attention towards husbands.

He says, Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

So husbands are not off the hook here.

In fact, they are more on the hook because of their headship role.

They will face a stricter judgment, given their duty and responsibility as leader.

And their number one goal is what?

Do you understand what that means?

Have you ever done a deep study into the word agape?

It literally means lay down your life for your wife.

It means give her the attention that she needs.

It means protect her from all evil.

It means love her despite her bad mood.

It means daily look her in the eyes and tell her how much she means to you in the family.

It means as much as you possibly can in all energy and effort, provide for her needs and seek her greatest good.

Adorn, cherish, and esteem her.

Here is how Paul phrases it from Ephesians 5.

He says, Love your wife as Christ loves the church.

How did Christ love the church?

Well, he died for her.

He continues to nourish, guide and shepherd her.

Christ continues to intercede for his church, lavish gifts on her, and guard his bride from every threat.

In the same way, husbands, this is your call towards your wife.

Are you doing that?

Husbands, do you realize that you will have to present your wife before Christ one day and give an account?

When Eve was deceived and sinned, God didn't go to Eve first.

Husbands, God has given you one of his precious daughters, and you will present her before the Bama seat of Christ one day.

And you will give an account.

Did you read scripture with her?

Did you pray with her often?

Did you gently guide her?

Did you constantly tell her how valuable she was?

Did you celebrate her victories and lift her up in her weaknesses?

Or were you just irritated all the time?

Always arguing with her, manipulating your power on her, degrading her as you lusted after other women.

You see, a husband's tendency, because of his fallen nature, is to be harsh.

That's why Paul mentions it here.

To be annoyed with, irritated.

You're just getting in the way.

You're always talking about things I don't care about.

So I will tune you out, I'll ignore you, I'll bombard myself with a bunch of work and neglect you.

Then to top it all off, you then demand your wife who's mistreating who you are mistreating to get on board with your leadership when you have blatantly neglected or hurt her.

And so, husbands, do not be harsh because Christ was not harsh with you.

You can feel justified all you want.

Well, she doesn't understand, she's not supporting me, she's moody, she did this, she did that.

So what?

She doesn't deserve love, and you do?

God didn't love you because you're so lovable.

He loved you because he is love and chose to love you despite your faults and your failures.

And so there's no excuse.

Exercise your authority wisely, graciously, and in the fear of God.

How much easier is it for a wife to submit to a husband who is himself submitted to the Lord Jesus Christ?

How redemptive is it when a marriage is restored to its proper design.

The husband is loving the wife, caring for her needs, constantly reminding her of her value, worth, and beauty, excited about her company.

And the wife is joyfully submitting to herself to his leadership, enjoying his love, looking for ways to respect and help him.

There will always be difficulties in marriage on this side of heaven.

There will never be a perfect marriage.

But we should be, as men and women of God, striving towards greater faithfulness in our role.

Marriage, indeed, it is a sacred union, together as one flesh, for the purpose of giving God glory.

And since God has given us a new nature, we have the opportunity to restore that which sin has corrupted.

Wives, submit to your husbands, and husbands, love your wives.

Next, Paul addresses children.

They're not off the hook either.

Because this is a specific command for you.

Paul says in verse 20: Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

You know, as a child, I remember hearing this verse in Sunday school and cringing when I heard it because my parents always irritated me.

They were always trying to kill the fun.

They wouldn't let me eat too much junk food.

They wouldn't let me watch rated R movies.

They wouldn't let me listen to Snoop Dogg.

They didn't even let me watch Rugrats because of Angelica.

In my undeveloped mind, I didn't want to obey my parents because it conflicted with my desires.

My obedience towards them was selective and partial, depending on how I felt.

Which is why Paul says here, obey them, notice what he says, in everything.

So the principle here is this: selective obedience is disobedience.

The story of Saul in 1 Samuel 15 teaches us that principle.

God is calling you to obey your parents in all things.

You are to obey them, even if you don't agree or understand.

You must admit in humility that your parents know things that you simply do not.

The structure, the rules, the limits they put in place is for your good.

And you obey because, look at the verse, for this pleases the Lord.

You know, in a perfect world, you would obey your parents because you just respect and you love them so much, right?

But your ultimate motivation for obedience is because God loves it when you obey the authority that He has sovereignly placed in your life.

Do you think it was a coincidence that you have the parents that you have?

Did God make a mistake?

Is it just luck that you are living in the home where you're living, in the city where you're living, with the guardians that you have?

No.

God knitted you in your mother's womb.

He knew where you would live, and he gave you specific guardians.

So when you obey them, you are pleasing God because ultimately you are obeying Him.

Let me be super theoretical for a moment.

It's a bad illustration.

But let's just say we came across a command in one of Jesus' teachings that said, every believer in all of time must eat a bowl of broccoli every day.

Okay, this command, it makes no sense to me.

I don't see any point in it.

I have lots of questions about it, but guess what?

I'm going to do it.

Why?

Because he is the Lord of glory.

He's my creator, he holds all authority, and his ways are perfect, they're good and they're pure, and I will obey because I love him and I know that he has my best interest in mind, even when it doesn't make logical sense.

In the same way, children, if your parents are asking you to brush your teeth or go to bed at 10 p.m.

or you can't have an iPhone till you're 16, joyfully obey it.

Not because you agree with them in the moment, not because it makes sense to you.

Do it because one, they are your parents.

Do it two, because it pleases the Lord.

And do it three, because that attitude of submissiveness will prepare your heart for receiving the gospel.

If you cannot obey simple household rules from your parents, whatever makes you think that you could surrender yourself to God's word.

God has instituted authorities in our life, parents, government, bosses, and he uses them as redemptive agencies.

God has set up in this world authorities to teach us what it means to yield and obey, submit and follow.

Without these redemptive agencies, we would really have a hard time understanding what it means to surrender our lives to Jesus Christ.

Children, obey your parents.

Next, Paul deals with fathers.

Okay, to be fair, the Greek word here father is a little ambiguous.

It kind of hints the idea of parents, both mothers and fathers.

Fathers, but he says in verse 21 fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

So parenting is one of the highest, most influential responsibilities that God gives us.

As parents, we have the opportunity not to save our children, but to model Christ for them, to lead them in the way that they should go.

However, because of the curse, we now all struggle with very bad parenting strategies.

And one of these destructive strategies is provocation.

It literally means to cause someone to feel resentment.

And how do we do that?

We do that by attempting to control our children.

We set way too high of a standard and we implement punishments that are way too extreme.

We use the guilt strategy.

Okay, Molly texts me, I'm at work.

The boys have been so bad all day.

So when I get home from work, she goes outside because she's had enough, she needs a break, and I grab the boys and I point out the window and I say, Boys, look at what you did to your mom.

Look at how miserable she looks.

Look at the poor thing dragging her feet, watering flowers.

Oh, now she's talking to the flowers now.

She's lost her mind.

Boys, you did this.

Or we will use the fear strategy.

My oldest son, he refuses to clean his room.

I've asked him five times and he won't budge.

And so my eye starts twitching, and in rage I just scream: if you do not clean up your room in the next minute, you will lose everything.

You will face wrath like never before.

Your dreams will come true and you will meet the Hulk.

Or we're just too strict and rigid and controlling.

We have so many rules, but no grace.

Always punishing, but no comfort, pointing out every flaw and fault without love, telling them over and over again how disobedient and rebellious they are, barking like a dog all day long.

And what this leads to is look at the verse, discouragement.

Anyone who grew up with parents like that are resentful.

They will not feel the love and the support from their parents like they should.

They will come to believe that the whole world is against them because they feel like their parents are against them.

And as a result, they have problems in life, even affecting the way they view God in heaven.

We must discipline our children through gospel lens.

We must lead them in truth and love.

Yes, we discipline and correct them, but we always comfort them with the gospel bandages.

Yes, we hold a high standard for our children, but realize that they have sin natures.

They live in a fallen world and they will buck against you.

They are precious, cute, amazing little sinners.

And so our goal then is not to make them be somebody through behavior modification, but to help them seek somebody, Jesus, by modeling for them Jesus Christ.

And so, parents, if you think that you have the power to change your child, your parenting strategies will be aggressive, threatening, focused on punishment.

But if you understand that only Christ can save, then you will model for them the Christ life and you will constantly be pointing to Him.

If your discipline could fix them, then Jesus Christ didn't have to come.

Think about that for a moment.

If parents couldn't still perfect righteousness in their children, there was no need for the Savior to come.

Do you really think that you have that kind of saving power?

That is so arrogant.

May we not provoke our children, but model for them what it looks like to walk with Jesus Christ, that they would experience a small taste of who he is through the Holy Spirit living in us.

Next, Paul deals with bondservants and masters.

These may seem like strange phrases, but in this day and age, the word bondservant or slave, it referred to someone who employed themselves to a master to pay off a debt.

And so if your mind is jumping to like the Civil War, the Holocaust, you're way off point.

To be a slave during this time was often, not always, but often a good gig.

You could pay off debt, you could provide for your family, and eventually you could become debt-free in a planned time.

And so the closest thing this correlates to for our modern day application is employment and bosses in the workplace.

So Paul says in verses 22 into chapter 4, verse 1, he says, Bond servants obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye service as people pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

You are serving the Lord Christ, for the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Masters treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a master in heaven.

So starting with bondservants, Paul tells them to obey their masters again in everything, the exception being anything sinful or biblically compromising.

He then focuses his on their motivation for obedience, not for eye service, so that everyone can say, you know what?

Wow, look at how hard of a worker that guy is.

And not for people pleasing, so that everyone can just say, we love this guy.

He's so amazing as you pat yourself on the back and tighten up your collar.

Listen, affirmations are not bad, but what is evil is when your entire work life is driven by eye service and the praise of men.

So we are to work then with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Sincerity of heart means working for a single purpose, which is what?

Fearing the Lord.

That is our driving motivation for hard work, knowing that the Lord is watching us, knowing that He is our ultimate boss.

And Paul reaffirms this in verse 23.

He says, Work heartily for the Lord, not men, knowing that you will receive an inheritance as your reward.

There is a promise attached to this command.

We don't merely work for a paycheck, okay?

Although that's needed.

But we work hard knowing that there is a spiritual bank account for us in heaven that far outweighs any amount of money that we could ever make on earth.

How we behave in the workplace matters to God.

It's the theology of work, if you will.

And many of us neglect it.

We tend to compartmentalize employment as something separate from our spiritual life.

But here's the reality: the average person will spend one-third of their life at work.

That is roughly 90,000 hours at work over your lifetime.

So doesn't it make sense that God would care about how we work, our motivations, our behaviors, our witness in the workplace?

Now, many of us want to justify ourselves and say, but Jimmy, my boss is a jerk.

My manager is a total Karen.

They are showing favoritism to another employee.

Why should I obey them in everything when they don't deserve it?

And Paul anticipated this kind of objection, which is why he says in verse 25, the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done.

There's no partiality with God.

So the principle's this: if your boss is a jerk, if management is showing favoritism, or if people are schmoozing their way up the corporate food chain, God knows about all that.

He will deal with it one day.

Your employer may show favoritism, but God doesn't.

Thus, you don't need to play their game, you don't need to play politics or be someone you're not at work or get all distressed about it.

God will repay.

You just keep working unto God with his energy, seeking to honor him.

All wrongdoing in the workplace will be dealt with.

But as for you, work unto the Lord.

God is your ultimate boss, and he is the one who has given you the opportunity, the health, the ability to work, so do it for him.

Lastly, Paul deals with masters.

These are bosses or employers, if you will, in verse uh in chapter 4, verse 1.

You know, workplace mistreatment unfortunately happens.

In some cultures, it's actually acceptable, and there are no laws in place for employee rights.

This command to treat your bondservants justly and fairly is for Christian employers.

In the Old Testament, we are constantly commanded to treat servants well.

Not to mention Christ's emphasis on love your neighbor as yourself in Matthew 22.

So anytime someone has a position of power and authority, there is the temptation to abuse that, to shorthand people money, uh, the temptation to be play politics, show favoritism, discriminate, or just to be a bully, because you can.

You're the boss.

But here is the reality: no matter what level of authority you have, there is always one who is far above you.

Jesus Christ.

There are many kings, many lords, many masters, but all are subjected to the one King, Lord, and Master, Jesus Christ.

And he sees every mistreatment, every motivation, and he will judge all of it.

Every thought we had, every word we spoke, every deed we performed, it will be exposed and judged.

And that should be great cause for fear and trembling.

So if our master in heaven has dealt with us patiently, graciously, lovingly, wouldn't it be reasonable and fitting to treat those in our care the same way?

Oh, how offensive it must be to God when we treat people with contempt or worse, we exploit them when God has given us literally all things in Christ.

If you are a Christian with any level of authority in the workplace, be very careful to treat those under your authority and care with fairness and justice.

It's your call and duty to treat others the same way that God has treated you.

So proclamation church, as a way of conclusion, God has given us a new life.

He's buried the old man, he's given us a new nature via the Holy Spirit.

We are literally new creatures.

And a huge part of this new life is experiencing new and redemptive relationships.

Your marriage is not about you anymore.

Your employment is not about you anymore.

Your life is not about you anymore.

It's not about you.

Every relationship and role that we have is about giving God glory by walking in his original design for us.

So if you're here this morning, like myself, you're convicted and you're thinking, man, I have been combative, argumentative, resistant towards my spouse.

I've been lazy, neglectful, mean-spirited towards my spouse, or I've been a rebellious, spoiled, difficult child, or I've been a terrible co-worker, an unfair employer.

Let those convictions sink in.

Feel them, let them weigh on you, but rise now from this passage in repentance and grace and start walking in God's design.

Ask for forgiveness, make amends, do whatever you have to do to make your marital or your parental or your social relationships biblically healthy because they deeply matter to God.

If we cannot love those whom we see that are physically around us, how can we say that we love God whom we cannot see?

Our physical relationships are often a reflection of our relationship with God.

And today we have the fresh opportunity to dust off our shoes, receive God's abundant grace, grabbing a hold of God's word, and say, I'm going to do what's fitting, Lord.

As a wife, as a husband, as a child, as a co-worker, as an employer.

Because the reality is this life is so fleeting.

It's so short and fragile.

And may we not end our life with a bad conscience about our relationships.

I've seen so many dying men tormented in their last days saying, I wish I would have loved my wife more.

I wish I wasn't so hard on my children.

May that not be us.

May our confession be.

I have fought the good fight of faith.

I have finished well.

Not because of me, but because of Christ and His grace and his Holy Spirit.

May that be a reality for us today, O Lord.

And then in the power of your Holy Spirit.

Let's pray.