Present in a Digital Age

before time had a name there was a garden a place

where heaven and earth walked as one this is

the echoes of eden where we rediscover ancient

roots and awaken to our eternal purpose all right

guys so we are back And I am joined again by

or with my friend Ray. Ray would you like to

say hello to everybody? Hello everybody. And

this week we are talking about being present

in a digital age. And I chose you for this because

you've got three teenagers and a young one. Obviously,

I've seen the three teenagers. They are glued

to a cell phone. and the little one is also which

you know my oldest daughter is more so um she

has her little play phone just one of an old

phones that we have it's the last one i got that

she can play with and text friends with she broke

her last one and she's like i need a new phone

i said you're 10 you're not getting a new phone

right yeah i went through that um but I Know

I Know they're going to grow up in this technology

more world more so than even I did and you did

we're already seeing the whole AI stuff and To

the point people don't even know if you gotta

really pay attention to a video to see is this

AI or is this not Yeah, you've got to really

think about it So I know they're going to grow

up with this and I I guess for me you you want

them to know how to use it properly and how to

All this kind of this does that that part do

you want to let them know how to use stuff properly

and? Correctly because you know us working immediately

with the church. You know me technology can be

used for good the good side It's like I heard

somebody say Technology is not good or bad. It's

all in about the hands that it's in that's where

it comes down to But One of the things that stuck

with me And you've kind of been challenging me

as a dad, and I've never told you this before,

but it's knowing that you and your family, y

'all set a time to do Bible study as a family.

And not just that, but I know we've joked about

this. You have the ability to cut your Wi -Fi

on and off. Yes. And that phone service. I'm

blessed with that. I truly am. Because even her

parents, we talked about it. And they're like,

well, we got it. So you don't have phone service

so they can use phone Wi -Fi Okay, okay that

makes sense and that I would have to agree that

would probably be a blessing I could see blessing

and a curse but having teenagers and be able

to shut that off and forcing them to do something

different. I could see that. But that to me is

a big deal because y 'all are living in that

world of having the kids with the technology

right now. I'm not there yet other than my oldest

daughter. I don't have to worry about all this.

But y 'all do, y 'all got two teenage boys, teenage

daughter, got a younger daughter who used...

Said is following in those footsteps, of course

Recently I think in the past two years she's

been introduced more to social media, but Everything

Control with passwords we have access to passwords

they can't change them without us and their social

media accounts are linked to ours so at any time

we can go on theirs and see what they're doing

not so much as a control factor but just to be

able to see what they're into. Now do you get

any kind of attitude ever with that? Not generally,

only time it ever come with an attitude was when

generally it come with a punishment we were taking

our phones. But as far as like they knew the

rule when we bought the phones we own it we paid

for it. you're using it you're in our house just

like we battled it with school it's a property

that we put on our child the same as jackets

shoes we give it to them for them to have for

our reasons it's not to be removed so they know

when we say we want to phone unlock it hand it

to us they do and anytime we can't unlock it

with the password and they've changed it, they

tend to know they're in trouble for that one.

As long as they hand it over right away, like

they tell us, it's not a big deal. Like, okay,

you changed it because one of your friends seen

you put your password in at school, understandably,

you just didn't tell us. No big deal, you unlocked

your phone right away, you didn't argue with

us about it. Yeah, that makes sense. Cause not

everybody can be trusted with. We did battle.

the Not supposed to see things the exploring

phase with our kids especially You know when

you're asleep because you have work next day

and they're up and they're on phones And you

know, they are this back before we could control

the Wi -Fi Those conversations always just Got

interesting as far as like you don't want to

fuss them, you know Thankfully, both of them,

we was calm about it. You know, of course, mama

was hostile. Took her a minute to calm down,

but once the conversation was had and the explanation

and the understanding got across, they realized,

don't go there. That's not somewhere I should

be. Right. They haven't really had much issues

with that since. So, to pry a little bit, did

they come to you? Well, they were caught. They

were caught. Well, yeah, they were walked in

on caught. Okay. And they couldn't have the phone

fast enough. They couldn't, you know, they couldn't

get rid of nothing. But this was, this was actually

back in not full -on phone service times. These

were back use phones just running off of Wi -Fi.

Yeah. That's when all this happened. Wow. And

honestly, you know it had to be from friends

of school. Probably. Because it wasn't at home.

They didn't see us on our phones with nothing

like that. So it was somebody found it or someone's

cousin shared it with them and they shared it

with them, like took this website out or you

could see whatever. That's what I assumed happened.

So you made a good point, especially with teenagers,

you can't stop them. No. How do you say that?

Exploring. They're going to be exposed to this.

2025, with everything out there right now, they're

going to be exposed. But the important part goes

back to having the ability to have the conversation.

To say, hey, you know, in this instance, we caught

you. Let's talk about this. And that's an important

part of it. Yeah, you go for, you know, it's

hard to tell somebody not to do something without

just to find a reason. So the same with your

kids when it comes to learning technology. Why

you don't do certain things and then you gotta

show reason for it. You don't go to certain websites

just because your friend told you to because

you wipe out a whole computer. You can get a

virus on it quickly and then you have no computer

left. Or they can get important information that

your parents didn't want nobody to have. And

same thing true with the phones. I mean, phones

are basically a small computer. That's what that

is. So once those conversations went through

and staying calm with it helped a lot, you know,

because when you're irate and mad, you can't

get a child listening. They're just more worried

about the fact they're in fear because you're

upset. Yeah. We always found it better to give

it time and then go back and you know talk again

like You can't help but let them know you're

disappointed at the point time you found them

doing whatever they shouldn't be yeah, but to

Look don't do this no more. I don't ever see

that again, or you're not gonna have your phones

no more then walk away Take time calm down like

me and her we'll talk about it Then later on

several hours later like they're gonna come in

here. Let's let's explain this why this was wrong

Why we lost our temper a little bit and you'll

have an understanding and shouldn't ever be a

problem. Thankfully. It's not yeah now Of course,

they're older now if they hid it from us. They've

just learned to hide it. Yeah, but They they

know they know right from wrong. They know they

shouldn't be yeah I can't stand on top of them

like that. And I've talked to my wife about it.

I used to sneak around in the house at night

when they're talking a good bit because it was

9 o 'clock bedtime. You wouldn't understand.

Stand in the kitchen, get a drink of water, stand

there quietly. You could tell somebody was up.

You hear them talking. You hear them giggling.

You could peek around the corner, look in the

room. You'd see the light off the phone. You

always found a way to call them. And generally,

if I wanted to catch them, it wasn't that hard.

They always did. Eventually just come to the

point of. You're going to do it when you're told

not to. Then you're going to learn the hard way

and it took several months down struggling of

a morning because I'm waking up earlier for school.

If I know they were up, I was waking up early.

Yeah. Eventually will be tired enough. You won't

step on phone. You go bed. Yeah. And now they've

gotten to that, they realize it. Eventually I'll

learn to say no to it because it'll keep me up

all night and I'm gonna pay dearly for it tomorrow,

not the phone. Yep, that's a good point. Just

had to let them learn it. It's a very good point.

So, okay, so let's circle back to the Bible study

thing that you guys knew as a family. Do you

allow them to have their phones during that time?

Yeah, we don't take it from because I know we

keep the app on our phone for our Bibles and

generally notes on our phones Okay, that makes

sense Crystal likes to write in a notebook Ray

likes to write things down in a notebook I'll

write notes in mine. I like a phone. Just to

me it's faster typing. I keep everything organized

better. I'm horrible at that anyway. Are there

any... I know that feeling too Are there any

rules as far as the phones during the Bible study?

They're not supposed to be on social media during

the Bible study. Of course we've caught them.

They get interrupted distractions. That's a very

real thing, the distractions sink in. Always

something tries to distract. It happens. We just

have to kind of bounce off of it and keep going.

So that's one of the things trying to engage.

our kids, even spouses at times, our wives, without

distractions. And this day and age is not an

easy task to overcome. That's why I was kind

of curious to see whether he rules as far as

Bible study that they can't, because I'm the

one, even on Sundays and stuff, you know, get

your Bible out. I don't carry a Bible with me.

Well, it's in my bag, but I don't get it out.

My Bible was on my phone. I got every translation

I want. I got access to all that. And then, you

know, when it comes to taking notes, I like taking

notes on my phone. Biggest reason for that for

me is because I do have a lot of notebooks at

home and I have tried like different notebooks

for different things, ideas and whatever, but

I guess I just haven't stuck with it long enough

to make it work. So one thing I like about my

phone is I can search my notes quicker and find

where I typed in something, and that is easier

for me than having to go back and flip through

papers and all this kind of stuff. I got horrible

writing, so it's way easier for me to write out.

You can make out what I put on the phone way

better than what I did on paper. See? And it

depends for me, like if I'm taking my time writing,

you can read, but if I start going fast... You're

jotting stuff down real quick. There's times

I go back and I'm like, what did I write? What

was I trying to say here? I can make out some

of this, but that looks like a foreign language

to me. I have done that, really. Yeah, that's

why I prefer just to type it in the phone. It's

so much faster. And honestly, it's quieter. You're

back there trying to write something down. You

got rustling paper and stuff. Yeah. Just type

it in on the phone, be done. Be done with it.

I don't believe that there are benefits to technology.

And you know, social media is saying keep it

up with family, but also realize that... Video

calling people is amazing. When you get a distant

family, you can video call, you can have face

-to -face conversations and see things that you

couldn't do unless you made that trip. But it

also can play into a lazy factor, which I've

caught myself in. My parents' live is 13 miles

exactly from my house. But I have come to the

point it did. A 20 to 30 minute video call with

my parents is a lot simpler than an hour and

a half, two hour visit. The fuel, the drive,

then the time, then back home. I can sit down

in the comfort and talk to my parents face to

face, but it's not the same because you're not

present with them. True. So some of the good

things are not always good. I think it... I think

it takes it a step further at least to where

okay so let's we'll take text messages for example

well when I'm just reading a text from you I

don't know your tone I don't know your emotion

in it you know because I can be very sarcastic

at times well sarcasm in a text doesn't come

out the same as if I'm in person being sarcastic

It's the same thing if you go to the next phase

if you're just talking on the phone I can't see

your facial expressions. I can't see your body

language So the one benefit I would go back to

what you said about the video is I can at least

see your facial expressions Kind of get a little

bit it gives more context to what you're saying

and you know That that makes any sense It can

be misconstrued and used in a lot of bad ways

too. My dad told me a long time ago when it comes

to kids, kids are like spinning tops. Once you

set them on the table and set them spinning,

their direction is kind of all over the place.

You can't force them in a direction. no matter

how hard you try to blow the top in that direction,

it ain't going to go, but it's kind of the way

it's wanting to go. The way it's spinning, the

momentum of it, the only thing you can do is

set up obstacles for when they bounce off of

them. So when it comes to introducing our kids

to technology, which I stood against, my wife

pushed more because of their age. And I understand

her reasoning behind it, because she wanted to

learn more about them from their interests, what

they liked, what they didn't. I can see that,

yeah. Also, when it comes to, okay, this is an

obstacle you bounced off of, how do we react

and reset your direction to put you back on the

right course? Every situation can be different.

And learning from them, sometimes the punishment

is a bad one and it ends up in an argument and

a disagreement and they're mad at us for several

days or mad at them for several days. You learn

from those. Screaming and hollering didn't get

nothing accomplished. We're just all mad at each

other. Next time they mess up, let's stop for

a minute and maybe try to have a one -on -one

conversation with them alone. Maybe one parent

go in and talk to them about it. Maybe someone

they're not as mad at at the time. Makes sense.

You've got to just, you know, punishments. We

realized when they were younger. Time now didn't

work for everything. No Losing something like

fun like a video game or you know been stuck

to your room for a day or so Everything had to

be different. It couldn't always be the same

because it didn't always work. So true Yeah,

because you know you take something away from

somebody for so long. They're eventually just

not gonna want it They're not gonna let it be

that Like hurt and you took took my favorite

RC car, but now I can play with it, so eventually

I won't play with it. Yes. That's like when Kayla,

she broke her phone, so she went without her

phone for a couple of weeks. And then when she

had her phone back, she had an attitude or something,

and of course Amanda said, you know, you lost

your phone. And Kayla's remark was that, well,

I went without it for two weeks, it'd be okay.

I'm like. Yeah, okay, so that doesn't work change

them, but It's just It is like we had a conversation

I just want to go home and What the youth service

tonight crystals like no, you know, I'm not gonna

let her just What way is my job to make sure

she's here? Yeah, and I'm like, wait a minute

She's growing. She's 16. She's getting ready

to be driving You know, I don't expect her to

come home every day from school. She's not gonna

get in the car and drive straight home She's

gonna go different place. Well, hey, I'm gonna

go to Walmart or she gonna run to McDonald's.

Whatever. Yeah, I don't expect her to come home

every day Just like last week. She had to spend

the night during the week at a friend's house

Yeah, go ahead My wife's like, why let her do

it? It's school week. She's getting ready to

start driving. She's getting ready to become

an adult. You've got to let them have some freedom

now in order to make mistakes to learn from them.

True, especially while they're under your care

still. That makes sense. And if you don't let

them get out and explore... This is the time

you want them to make mistakes because you're

there to help guide them. She was like, well,

you know... God wants her in church. We're supposed

to keep her in church. And I'm like, yes, but

we can't tear our relationship apart with her

by constantly making her mad by not letting her

grow. So if she makes this choice, it's not a

choice we want her to make. But if we stand and

be like on top of her and try to be controller,

she's just eventually when she does realize she's

got freedom, she won't run. Yeah. I can see both

sides on that. I do too. I want her to come to

these. I want her to be as much involved in this

church as she can. But the more we try to push

it, the more she fights back. When instead I

believe there will come a point where this is

where they'll want to be. If we, as the parents,

leaders in my position as a youth pastor, if

we will take the time and create the culture.

of this is where they want to be. And I've seen

that with a couple different youth groups that

I watch from afar, one specifically down in Alabama,

where that's where their youth wants to be. They're

asking the parents during the week, hey, we're

gonna go down to the church and pray. And that's

not something you hear as teenagers do. We were

watching the show, and I might have mentioned

this last time, I don't remember, about parents

and different types of parenting. And one of

them was super controlled, super strict, limited

everything. Like they had an hour for this study,

an hour for time outside, an hour for learning

this. They'd write back to schoolwork, all homeschooled.

When it come to technology, their time was limited

to an hour. So when they agreed to this program

with... I think it was like 14 other parents.

And they all had different parenting styles.

They gave the kids a free day. You have a free

day to do whatever you want without parent restrictions.

And generally the ones that were controlled went

wild. It's like they got a taste of just freedom

and they had to explore every bit of it they

could find. Compared to the kids that had more

relaxed home, not so controlled, well to them

nothing changed. nothing was completely out of

the question for them, so there was nothing they

hadn't already learned from. Technology, once

I give in and I let them have the phones and

I realized, okay, social media's got my wife

on it, they're watching it, she's on top of what

they post, she's on top of who they talk to,

who their friends are, I don't have to deal with

that part. I'm more, when they get in trouble,

bring them to me. I'm the judge in it, and I'll

dish out what punishment's seen. She is more

the watchful eye. And her perspective on things

is not the same as mine, but I trust her judgment,

so we don't have conflict with it. It works out

great. And the kids, they seem to have become

comfortable with it. They know boundaries, they

know time limits. Dinner time generally, you're

not supposed to be on your phone. We all eat

together. We might sit in different rooms, like

she might sit in the living room. I might be

on the kitchen table. Wherever you sit comfortably,

because with her back messed up now. Completely

understand that. Yeah. But it's gotten a lot

more relaxed since they've grown with them. In

the beginning, it was a lot more stressful. Hearing

you talk reminds me of what you said about what

your dad taught you about the whole spinning

thing. you know they're going to spend everywhere

kind of our job is to give the boundary so you

don't run off the cliff so you can hit this and

bounce back over here if you need to that's kind

of when i'm hearing you talk that's what i'm

hearing is yeah that's that's kind of the way

i grew up and relaxed parenting is just not it's

not not parenting it's just i'm not going to

control you to the point that you can't become

who you exactly And then when you do taste, like

you say, when you taste freedom and you just

go completely wild and actually run off the cliff.

Or if I just let you get close and look down

at it, and then I can push you back the other

way. Yeah, you can guide them. But if you just

go off the wall with them and you lose your temper,

they're not getting nothing. They're not learning

nothing. They're just learning to fear you because

they did something to make you mad. Yeah. That's

big right there. It is I've tried to always tell

us I was really strict especially with sons.

I don't know why Not so much with daughters men

tend to be more relaxed with daughters You'll

feel it a couple years when he's starting school.

That's generally when who they are comes into

play attitudes and all I got a six -year -old

that Crystal's cousin, it's his little boy, going

to school. And he's learning to tell the teacher

what he really thinks of her. And you know, as

a parent, he's kind of okay. Yes, I'm mad at

what he said, but I want to know as a father,

why he's saying it. Why does he have this opinion

towards the teacher? And me as an outsider, when

he talks to me about it, I'm kind of like, he's...

He's what you want in your children. You want

your child to be bold and not fearful. Yeah What

comes across their mind right or wrong because

that means that they're not afraid and you don't

want a child afraid so I Love even though I know

he didn't control. Yeah, but he's been 100 %

honest with what he says. Yeah And when he tells

me it's kind of hard not to laugh and sigh and

be like, well, I mean, he's honest. He's not

wrong. What he feels about him. You don't have

to worry about where you stand. Yeah. You know

exactly where you stand. That's so true. I love

hearing when they talk. But, you know, it goes

back to something you said a while ago about

you don't want them afraid of you. When you said

that, you can take that into the spiritual world

too. God doesn't want you to be afraid of him.

We have the fear of God, but that's not like

a fear as in, it's the same kind of fear that

we want as parents. Don't be afraid to come to

me. The fear to me is more of a respect type

of just respect. In my relationship, I'm your

dad. Same way with your teenagers and the scholars

younger You're their dad so respect that position,

but don't be afraid to come and that's something

happened we did something Wednesday night with

the teenagers they may have told you I don't

know but We had them Walk through a thing about

trying to one of the things trying to do is teach

them how to hear the Holy Spirit from themselves

And so I had him go to this exercise and Dale

was there and he made the statement when he got

to the door and I said, what do you hear the

Holy Spirit saying? And I had each one of them

speak up and Dale spoke up and he said, are you

afraid of me? Or are you afraid or something?

And I took that as interesting because I think

he was the first one that gave a question. Other

people in the room gave a statement that they

heard. But his was are you afraid then I said

maybe that's an invitation to you from the Holy

Spirit to not be afraid I said because if you're

approaching him and some of this has been taught

in the church if you're approaching him with

fear You're not approaching me rightly and if

you can't see him correctly which is good But

this goes in a little bit to what I'll be teaching

tonight if you can't see him rightly you're never

going to see yourself rightly so we have to learn

and it's For us as dads were kind of the representation

of the father because of people nowadays especially

with teenagers when I'm encountering them When

you use the phrase of God as a father the first

image they're going to think of is their dad

And so you're either going to have the well if

he's like that I want nothing to do with him

Or you'll have the one saying well, I had a great

relationship my dad. So let me Experience, you

know, you've got to have to In my position you

have to wrestle some of that because not everybody

had a good relationship with their dad. Yeah

some some some had which I know Some but I luckily

was blessed. I didn't have that relationship

That was bad with my father He worked a lot When

he was home with me I was more Like student helper

Whatever he was doing. I generally was there

to help. Yeah, and I guess it was curious to

me because you know, we didn't have a whole lot

of technology back when I was younger So whatever

dad done was more interesting than what was going

on in the house with mom make sense So if he

was outside messing with a vehicle or you know,

just cutting down a tree I'd rather be seeing

that with mom and sweeping the kitchen floor.

That makes sense. Makes a lot of sense Yeah,

and once I got older, you know technology come

into play He wouldn't have a part of it. We got

a computer in our house for the first time. I

think I was a teenager. Middle school? He would

never touch it. Mom did. She went on, learned

to talk with family, message and stuff. Me, I

was just into everything. Whatever come across

my mind, whatever I was told to look up, some

things I regret, I won't mention on here. You

just don't want to look up. And you know, I learned

boundaries quick that way. Which I feel helped

me learn to communicate better with my children

on these boundaries and what to be aware of.

You know, spam calling is a huge thing. Even

my youngest gets spam calls. And if it's not

a number you recognize, you don't answer it.

Unless you gave your number to a friend. That

you may not have their number you don't answer

it and then you got to look at the area code

don't answer Don't give it no information now

If they asked you anything other than your name

hang up they're not for you That's it that's

crazy the world that we live in with all that

I'm Maria scripture because I think it ties into

all of this it's friend of Deuteronomy chapter

six, and it says, you must commit yourselves

wholeheartedly to these commands that I'm giving

you today. Repeat them again and again to your

children. Talk about them when you're at home

and when you're on the road, when you're going

to bed, and when you're getting up. Tie them

to your hands and wear them on your forehead

as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of

your house and on your gates. That to me, reading

that scripture, is what we've been talking about.

It's having the conversations. Teaching them,

putting the boundaries up as they're spinning

and trying to figure out who they are. Go for

it. very even with my wife because what I used

to do for a living, seen a lot of it, the dangers

of people using the phone and driving. And I

found it easy to point it out to my kids while

we were driving, even though I'd have to pull

their attention from the phones or whatever.

When someone was acting or driving or writing,

because I could tell the phones up in the window,

you could see it through the back window, to

point it out and be like, look, watch how they're

driving because they're distracted with the phones.

and you'll see it firsthand for yourself. They're

driving over in front of people or they're running

off the road and made them aware of it before

they actually get behind the wheel. Plus, made

it a point myself to demonstrate not doing that.

Not doing it. Don't answer the phone. If text

goes off, I will. I'll get it when I stop. It's

not that important. Yep. Because we let ours

the other day, well no. A while back, we led

on, I think it was for Ray's birthday, riding

the back of the truck. We led from here and drove

to Eris, eight miles, in the back of the truck.

I was nervous enough that I watched four different

people cross the line in front of me and counted

it. And I'm like, okay, now I understand. We

don't do this. And I pointed, I had to show them,

look, I know you like riding the back truck.

Y 'all never got to do it. It's fun. But it is

very dangerous. Four different times people come

over in front of us that could have hit us. We

wouldn't be here right now. Especially if you're

in the back of the truck. Makes sense. Short,

you know, down to the mailbox stuff if you want

to ride in that truck. Great. But down main roads?

No. People can't be trusted. They're too distracted.

Yeah. And it's not even phones. Yard sales. People

run off the road looking at yard sales driving

by because they don't want to stop. Don't want

to stop but they want to look and see what's

over there and forget what's going on in front

of them. That's, that's so true. But back to

technology, you know, it's grown so much. Your

cars is full of technology. Your homes are still

full of technology. Especially the newer vehicles.

Clients. Yeah. A washing machine to text you

when it's done. I mean, there's an app that we

can, I thought it was cool when we first got

it, but I don't think I've used it not once,

but that you can put the app on your phone and

tell it what to do and it'll tell you. And I'm

like, oh, that's really cool. The only bad thing

is, is if one of these breaks, how much is that

going to cost to fix versus you know it's kind

of like my little car I drive everything's manual

the windows are manual and I used to when I first

got it I'm like this is one I only got it because

I drove a lot at the time yeah like this be perfect

little car to go drive around I said but dang

everything's manual and then I got to thinking

well heck if something breaks on this it's not

that hard to fix Versus if you got stuff that's

motorized and everything else that gets more

expensive to replace and time -consuming And

to me, I try to avoid things like that. I try

to avoid what apps is on my phone. Games, you

know, I have one or two games on my phone that,

you know, I like giving attention to when I'm

relaxing in the bed, getting ready to go to sleep.

Yes, same. Others, you got to be careful and

mindful of what you're doing with them. Because

you can get, especially if they got ads. or,

you know, advertising something. You can get

caught up in those, too. You know, you're off

Googling some... Random thing. ...thing that

come up, and you're like, oh, that's interesting.

Check that out. Because you know phones watch

and they listen to you. They'll know if you're

talking about getting them some special RC car

or, you know... I'm gonna get on Facebook later

and there'll be an RC car on my Facebook. That's

that's so true and it's you know, it's one of

those things I heard somebody say before and

it's probably been a couple years ago But there's

a lot of truth to it about you know You might

jump on social media and just want to spend five

minutes before you know it you've been on there

for two hours and you're just scrolling and watching

videos and especially start watching reels and

I'm like that's The amount of time that it can

steal from you if you're not careful. Duck Dynasty

done a great example of that. When they showed

Uncle Si YouTube for the first time. I was just

going to watch one or two videos. Six hours later,

he was still on YouTube. He was still watching

YouTube. And found something else different.

Just kept leading him on. Because that's what

those algorithms master in. They master getting

your attention. So if you like this video, then

we recommend this. And we recommend this. All

that stuff is used for and we forget that that

and it's Like lately I've started trying to One

of the classes I'm taking he the guy talked about

as far as having a different mindset It's not

using social media to scroll But finding using

social media to like the page that we made Using

it more purposefully and going under to interact.

So like if you read a couple things If you can

add value make your comment that that helps get

people's attention So I've been trying that but

the other thing has been a schedule post So I

might take a cut an hour in the evenings and

build the post out for the entire week Yeah,

so I don't have to get on social media to make

my post today. Yeah, it's already going out there

Yeah, so I said it for like eight o 'clock in

the morning and it automatically is it and you

don't have to worry it's on there i don't have

to worry about anything and that keeps me from

being distracted the other times as long as i

sit this time away this is what i'm doing you

can do that and to me i guess some of it just

comes down to being intentional with what we're

doing like just like with how you cut your wife

off or you're being intentional with what you're

doing and the purpose behind this. Shutting all

that down for now. You want to figure out something

else for this time frame. I think that's a big

deal. Even with apps, I think it's important

for us, especially as kingdom people, you know,

why are we not building something? If we know

that teenagers are going to be on there, why

are we not building apps to grab their attention,

at least teach them the word? instead of whatever

else they can use on these phones. I heard the

other day I was listening to something. Might

have been the radio in the truck. They got to

talk about how technology has kind of grown so

vastly that it's plateaued. Yeah. Like they can't

do technology in too much more. They've got it

in homes, they've got it in appliances, they've

got it in your... you know to the point like

headphones are built into hoodies and stuff like

this and they got heated hoodies and technology

what more can you do it's plateau they can't

really do much more with it so when the next

thing comes out that one's going to be a game

changer for technology what it is you know they're

trying it in flights i know they've got what

automated flights now for the i think it's like

six passengers But they were just transporting

them across property. It wasn't actually flying

out and about. Yeah. Even that doesn't seem that

great. If you really think about it. If you really

think about it, like, okay, you're using a GPS

and an oversized drone and you're transporting

people. It can be safer as long as it's meticulously

maintained. Same as aircraft now. Yeah. But...

Who's gonna be the one meticulous maintaining

it and then who's gonna regulate it who's gonna

control where they go and And then who's gonna

secure it making sure someone can't hack it and

have a flight and then fly somebody, you know,

that's a lot of truth for that. Yeah A lot of

truth for that. There's a lot of More than technology

when it comes to your children there's so much

that you really got to Devote time to understand

to be able to explain And then not been afraid

to be like, I have no clue what that is. I have

to go check it out for myself because, you know,

like if they come in and talk about Roblox, I

didn't know what that was. I still don't know

what that is. I had to go on and actually download

the game and start playing it and realize, okay,

this is what it's about to understand it. And

then realize, okay, this is a decently fun, you

know, group game where communities come together

and everybody plays and can chat and stuff. You

also got bad people who come on and they're mean

and they say inappropriate things. You just gotta

learn to mute it. I can't stand there and tell

you not to listen to it, but I can show you how

to mute it. You don't have to hear it. Exactly

right. You know, Skylar come to us one time and

she's upset. They said something to her and it

was like, baby, you don't have to hear it. You

don't have to play the game. You can go to a

different game or you can find something else

to do. Or just mute it. You don't have to hear

nothing nobody says. You don't even have to talk

to them just to play the game. You walk around

just kind of... Minecraft? You know, sort of

like Zelda was. I don't even remember Zelda.

Basically the same thing, but in a Lego form.

Makes sense now. You're basically building, tearing

up, and you got weapons and whatever. That's

all it is. Interesting. Alright, so I'll ask

you a couple questions. Close it out. No right

or wrong, but these are just kind of for deeper

reflection. What's the difference you think between

being connected and being present? A difference

between being connected and being present. So

connected is something I find more in a private,

comfortable setting at home. You're, you know,

you're at peace there. and you can connect there

you can block out all distractions so much simpler

when i feel like i'm present i feel like i have

submitted to where i'm being used i'll give a

great example like when we do our bible study

one of the times we didn't talk about nothing

in the bible We've set there and literally had

a conversation and it was more of a teaching

moment for me and the kids and my wife to just

interact with each other and they learn more

about having a conversation and talking to each

other and sharing things that they've learned

or they've noticed and opening up than we ever

did You know, maybe a verse in the Bible. Yeah

That's my wife was kind of like, but we never

taught nothing about the Bible. I said, but I

was still Used to teach our kids how to communicate

with each other back before technology was in

the way when you had nothing else to do but you

come home and You know, you were called. We've

lost me. You said talk at the table about how

your mom's feeling like if she's not feeling

well or if she heard from the neighbor who's

sick or a family member that might need somebody,

whatever. And we literally just learned how to

talk to each other like that. In my opinion,

I think we've lost that ability. That Bible study

I actually went, we try to keep it around an

hour. That one I think went like an hour and

45 minutes. Wow. Just talking. We hadn't done

that since we moved in our house. But that speaks

volumes because you're talking about you've got

teenagers to talk to. You've got your own kids

to have an hour and 45 minute conversation with

you. With each other and us as a group. That's

a big deal. You've got a society now where if

we just talk for five minutes, I'm out of things

to say because I don't have a phone. I actually

battle that inside of myself. Say, you know pass

somebody I know in a store. Maybe just an acquaintance.

Maybe a neighbor I try Not purposefully just

out of natural Reaction to shorten it. Mm -hmm

to be you know quick. Hey, how you doing? I'm

good. Everything. All right. Yeah We'll talk

to you later and move on. Yeah It just comes

natural for me to want to try to avoid that conversation.

I think that's culture as a whole. If you really

think about it, because we don't have those conversations.

That's someone behind you holding a cart trying

to push you up. Well, you're blocking me out.

You just feel that way. I don't want to stand

in the way. I don't want to be a bother to nobody.

Maybe you've got stuff to do. I don't know. But

you know even going back to what you mentioned

crystal and said, you know, you didn't bring

out a Bible verse I think we forget go back to

When the disciples after Jesus has been crucified

they didn't have the Bible They just had each

other and didn't teach what they you know, some

of them had walked with Jesus personally so They

would teach the stuff that they heard and they

would they had community and had fellowship You

know, you go to other nations, like you think

about China, they may get a couple pages out

of a Bible. But if we could ever get back to,

no, I may not have had a Bible verse directly

for this conversation, but we had a conversation,

Christ is within us, we're fellowshiping and

learning and talking together to build this family.

Open communication. As a dad and a husband, my

first ministry is my family. And if I can't,

if we can't do that here, then what gives me

the right to try to do something in a church

building? I mean, does that make sense? Yeah,

definitely, because how can you teach others

if you can't teach your own home? And that's

one of the things that's, having grown up in

the church world, it fascinates me. Because it

and I'm starting to see a shift But it how many

Families I guess were sacrificed on the altar

of ministry Because I've got to be the man of

the hour While my family's at home never seeing

me my own kids don't see me. That's a problem

And that's just for me personally speaking. I'm

starting to see that shift but and I've lived

that life but in previous seasons where you know

we were in the ministry positions and you know

that's what I got to do and just gonna be what

it is and you know there's been previous ministries

we were part of that the kids weren't allowed

to come with us and I just decided this time

if my family can't come then that's I don't care

if my kids can't be here for a youth service

I'm not interested in doing this number one And

again, I've held these beliefs before. We sometimes

think that if there's distraction in the room,

somebody can be distracted, God can't move. Well,

if God's not big enough to move over the distraction,

then He's not a big enough God. Right. Because

the God I know can take the distraction, turn

it, and still speak to the heart of the individual.

He can block it out in her. He can block it out

in you and me be distracted. Exactly right. Because

He wanted you to hear it, not me. I've seen that,

I've witnessed that. Well, not just that, and

I've read studies on this. You might be distracted

in the moment, but who's to say when you get

home and you go to sleep, something don't speak

to you in the midnight hours? Because whether

you realize it or not, your spirit was still

paying attention. This was distracted. Your mind

was distracted, for those that can't see what

I'm doing. But your spirit was still engaged

somewhere. And I'm just like that. Baby starts

crying when I'm ministering. So be it. He's a

baby. That's what he's gonna do. That's what

they do. Either mommy will take him out or I'll

get him or something and we'll just keep flowing

somewhere. Crystal actually showed me that when

we were younger. You can't be afraid to vacuum

your house because your baby's sleeping. No,

that's one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

You gotta let them learn to sleep their noise.

Yep. Because they need to be able to do that

in order to get full rest. You know. They gotta

hear noise. You don't want them jumping every

time somebody opens a door because they're so

used to being dead silent. Yeah, you don't want

that at all. And I was like that for the longest

time. I remember as a kid, anything used to wake

me up. Anything. And now, if it ain't out of

the ordinary, I don't wake up. Kids talking,

they come in my room, they can have a phone conversation

with my wife. Generally, as long as they don't

turn the light on, I don't hear nothing. You're

out completely. I'm out completely. The phone

can ring. As long as it ain't my ringer, I'm

out completely. Yeah. But you're like, your mind

knows when your phone rings. Mine knows when

my phone rings and knows generally if it's the

reason why I need to get up. Like if one of our

kids ain't home and my phone rings. Okay. Probably

nothing important. If it rings the second time

I know it was important, I better answer it.

Something's outside or a family member's calling.

But most things don't disturb my sleep. I don't

let them. There was a lot to that whole statement

of just being around teenagers and having my

own family. When you say you had an hour and

45 minute conversation, that's a big deal. It

was. even when we were going through it and i'm

like because i think it started off i just i

kind of released and i started crying and just

talking and talking i was letting it flow out

of me you know i know the holy spirit was talking

yeah he was he was using me he was just opening

me up in order for me to open to for them to

see me open up and it opened them because they

see me open. And you became, and this is just

what I'm hearing as you're talking, you became

a living scripture for them to read. Whether

or not you had, you became Ray verse, chapter

three verse one. That's what you became. Like

you didn't have a precise scripture for the moment

necessarily, but what was coming out of you.

They were reading the scriptures. Yes. And they

absorbed it like you wouldn't imagine. I could

still look back and see their faces. They were

just literally not distracted with nothing. That

really reminds me, you think about how Jesus

came and walked the earth and the things that

he spoke. Yes, there was times he were referenced

back to these scriptures from the Old Testament,

but the other stuff that we have wrote down was

he was the living word made flesh. He put it

in a sense that everybody understood and and

it opened them up and draw them in yeah And if

we could figure out how to have more of those

kind of conversations You know if we have a Bible

verse great, and I'm all for that, but if we

don't understanding that We're still having a

conversation and building upon something mm -hmm,

and he's in the middle of it Honestly, I've been

thinking this about time to have that conversation,

situation to come about again. With things changing,

every day is something new between one's work

and the things going on with after school football

programs. Scholars first year in middle school,

we definitely. We have that time again to where

they can open up and just let's explore how they're

feeling and all these new changes. I like that.

If you do that, I'd like to know how it goes.

Not to pry, I'd be nosy, but that to me, it fascinates

me to see that there's families still doing that

and not just sitting around a dinner table with

everybody with their cell phone. Off in our own

little worlds. Yeah. And I feel like you get

most of that on TV. Yeah. I think TV displays

that. I do. All right, last question then we'll

wrap it up about 430. If you could give one challenge

to listeners, maybe whether it's man, woman,

dad, mother, whatever. If you could give one

challenge to them for reclaiming their attention

this week, what would it be? For reclaiming their

children's attention? I don't want to throw out

an easy one. I want something that's going to

make them think. Let's say a challenge for the

parent and the children that would be brand new.

Something unexplored that you have nothing, no

knowledge about. Like if you have to go online

and randomly search it up, say like if it's exploring

something. or going and visiting somewhere, or

maybe if you've never played Monopoly in your

life, sit down, find a family thing, even if

it is a board game, and try to get everybody

together and interested in it. Show your interest

in it, try to hype it up, and then roll the dice

and see what happens. I like that. something

that everybody can be involved in. Even just

going out in the backyard and trying to have

a softball game or a badminton game. Something

that everybody can be involved in. And when you

do that board game or going outside and doing

that, it can lead to afterwards conversations

like we just said. Now that we've had all this

fun, if you're doing a board game, you can have

conversations while doing it. But let's say you

go in the backyard and do a game of softball

or kickball or whatever, you know, after once

you're dodgeball, I used to love dodgeball. But

once you get done, you know, just just sitting

down laughing and as a family, you know, you

know, what'd you get out of that? Did you learn

anything? I mean, the conversations that can

open up because now you've created a space and

you've got attention. You've got attention. You've

created a safe space to now everybody's playing

and laughing and having fun. and taking that,

I don't have to be afraid. Looking back, I kind

of see how that works, because I remember my

wife had my kids' attention long before I did.

As to be expected, mom spends more time with

the babies than dads do. But during that time,

moms also have to be themselves, so when mom

gets joy in her, maybe she likes dancing. They

turn on the music while she's doing whatever

with the baby. There's baby sitting there eating

and mom's doing dishes or whatever. She turns

the music up and she starts dancing. The baby

sees mama open up, cut loose. That's true. And

then learns to do it, which bonds mama more with

the baby. Us as dads have to figure out in our

own sense, how do we do that? Yeah. That's a

good point. It ain't always got to be with dad,

had to come home and the washing machine broke.

We'll go help him fix the washing machine, you

know, and try to talk to your child while you're

upset and banging on stuff trying to tear and

fix stuff because you're in a hurry. Yeah. You

know, there's other things that dads like to

do that can be competitive but still be fun.

Yeah. That's exactly right. Walk on the trail

even. Trails are everywhere nowadays. I love

it. You want to close it out in prayer? Father,

we just thank you. We thank you for this time

together. And God, we just ask and pray a special

blessing on every listener. Holy Spirit, may

you teach them how to be present together, how

to be engaged in conversations as families again

with dads and kids and moms and kids and husbands

and wives having conversation again. Just reveal

yourself in the middle of the family. and help

us to be present again with each other. We thank

you for this time. In Jesus' name, amen. Thank

you, Ray. Thank you. I love them.