The Power of Words

Before time had a name there was a garden a place

where heaven and earth walked as one This is

the echoes of Eden Where we rediscover ancient

roots and awaken to our eternal purpose All right

guys welcome back to the podcast This week, we're

going to talk about the power of words and speaking

life into your family. I am joined again by my

lovely Brad, my wife, my best friend, my ride

or die, everything over here. She's with me again.

Say hello, everybody. Hello. So I'll kick it

off with a scripture probably everybody knows

but Proverbs 18 21 that says your words are so

powerful This is the passion translation your

words are so powerful that they will kill or

give life and the talkative person will reap

the consequences Another translation basically

says You know you had the tongue you have the

power of life and death and the tongue But you

know speaks a lot of volumes when you really

take that to heart and it's I Had this this episode

planned for this week and what a day for to talk

about the power of your words Just because today

has been a struggle day for me I think we're

just being frustrated and we'll just be transparent

and vulnerable here. Hopefully it helps somebody

else because I'm not perfect. I'm still working

my way and allowing Holy Spirit to do whatever

he needs to do in me and allow the room for Transformation

to happen within and I know I'm still in a journey

and still in a process got a long way to go But

saying all that to basically say basically bait

made both of my daughters feel like I hated them

today Just by my words Well, let's say more of

your home let's say words and home maybe And

it, you know, as a dad, as their dad, as your

husband, we had to have that family conversation

tonight that that's never what I want them to

feel at all. And it just amazes me the conversation

and How much Kaylin our ten -year -old can come

back and come back with so much wisdom and grace

and grace Like she It's funny when you say that

it she really lives up to her name pure grace

And it was just even when she told me she says

daddy I forgive you She says I forgave you before

you even said anything And, you know, she recognizes

we all have those moments. But I just found it

interesting when I realized what we're doing

this podcast on that this was the day that I've

had. I think we just have to be real and talk

about these moments because we all have them.

Yeah. But it's what you do. What you do with

those moments like the conversation at the end

of the day to apologize and explain to your children

You know, hey, it's okay to have a bad day. We

all have bad days and you know, I Probably said

some things that I shouldn't have and I apologize

and that's not okay. It just Gives them that

vulnerable side to see hey, it's okay to apologize.

It's okay to you know, mess up sometimes. Yeah.

And I don't know that if I'm being, again, if

I'm just being vulnerable and real, I don't know

that previous me would have done that. Um, so

I think it, I think it shows growth on my part

for that. Yeah. I don't think. I don't remember

you doing that a long time ago um and not saying

you know i'm sure somebody well you just did

that so you could say that but no i think before

um you just kind of expected everybody to apologize

or every sorry everybody to forgive you without

having to you know apologize you just try well

i had a bad day and just chalk it up to that

and then You need to figure that out. I don't

need to address my attitude or my, maybe something

I said or whatever. Cause I really don't even

remember what I said to make them feel that way

or what tone I had, but just knowing that as

a dad when that's what you, your kids feel like

in that moment and was your, your tone. or an

action that you took or a statement that you

made that made them feel that way. That hurts.

Yeah. And did I have to? No, I've had plenty

of times where I've not done that, but I felt

like that was the right thing to do to be vulnerable

and transparent for my kids to see. Daddy don't

always get it right. Yeah. Well, I think it makes

them realize too, hey, it's okay to have a bad

day or an off day every once in a while. It's

a normal thing, you know, but it's not okay to

make people feel bad just because that you're

having an off day. And, you know, so many times

we think and look at our kids, you know, they

have off days. Yeah. But yet we fuss at them

for it. Yeah. And it's like, we can get up, we

can have a bad day, we can go through the motions,

apologize, and it's okay. But yet the day that

they have a bad day, we chalk it up to, oh, well,

they're being disobedient or they're being mad

or, you know, they're being bad or something

like that. But it's like, we, we have double

standards. Like we're allowed to have bad days,

but they're not, but they're not, and they have

way bigger emotions at that age than we do at

ours. So I mean, there's still much, you know,

I know we're still figuring life out, but they're

still in a point of at their young ages, they're

still at a point of trying to figure out life.

And it's like you said, I feel like, I think

you pointed this out to me. I would have never,

I don't think I would have picked up on it without

you saying it, but it's the fact that we expect

them not to have those. I mean, you're a kid,

why do you have a bad day? Well, because they're

human too. Well, and their bodies, they're trying

to regulate all of their emotions and they're

not. physically or mentally mature enough to

do that yet. Yeah. I mean, they're, they're handling

some of these emotions and stuff and trying to

figure out what to do with these emotions. Um,

and what, you know, how, what is this feeling

that I'm having and how do I navigate it and

how do I express When I get upset, how do I express

myself when I get angry? How do I express myself

when I'm How do I express myself when my feelings

are hurt? How do I express myself when I'm sad?

They don't they don't know how to express their

emotions I don't think we know how to express

our emotions sometimes. I don't think I know

how to express my emotions sometimes. Yeah. So

they're learning, I'm learning, you're learning,

we're all learning. I think I've said this before,

our kids didn't come with manuals. You know,

you take Kaylin and Trinity and Trinity is very

big in her feelings and her emotions. Kaylyn

is not so much at the moment Although you can

kind of see that preteen stuff starting. I Don't

know how that's who? Y 'all pray But you can

see some of those emotions starting and her taking

Which I guess she's always been that way. She

takes more stuff to heart. Yeah, she does But

that's just why it's important to As the parent,

as the dad especially, one of the things I'm

learning is how powerful your words are. Because,

especially being the head of the house, the words

that I speak and the tone that I have, the attitude,

I shape the atmosphere. I think, in my opinion,

the father shapes more of the identity for the

child. But then they also, as parents, we have

to create the emotional safety and culture in

our home. Right. Which is, you know, this is

stuff growing up you didn't hear about, or at

least I didn't. but when you really start trying

to be intentional with your parenting and you

feel like you are on this journey with the Holy

Spirit allowing her to do whatever she needs

to do as far as in a sense where I feel like

I'm at right now the Holy Spirit is kind of mothering

in a way given that I don't know how to explain

that. Like a nurture, nurturing. Yes. Because

I mean, we'll talk about this. We've talked about

this before. As far as just my personal journey,

I'm on this journey of, I would have said deconstruction

before because that was the term everybody used,

although I didn't think that was accurate. Bill

Vanderbush did a post recent, I think this past

week that I shared, it's more reconstruction.

But when you're doing a lot of that, the Holy

Spirit has to kind of mother you, I feel like

in a sense. I know that can get me in trouble,

but Holy Spirit can do either or, depends on

what you need in that moment. And that's the

same thing in the house. It's like I told Trinity

earlier sometimes when she has those big emotions.

I Don't know how to handle that. So I have to

like lean on you Because I struggle when she

just starts crying over silly things But it's

still I have to take those moments and Maybe

not in the moment reflect but later through the

evening reflect What can I do differently? How

can I set that tone? How can I speak? And one

of the things like I like to tell them sometimes

if I'm thinking about it and trying to be intentional

with it is that's not who you are You're not

You're not a crybaby essentially Even with And

I know I think you told me there was more to

the story what you found out the next day, but

when We thought she was lying when she came up

here today, and I told her you're not a liar

One of the things I try to tell my kids is when

I hear them say I'm sorry. No, you're not That's

not who you are. You're not sorry. I Don't like

hearing them express that There's a difference

between apologizing, but I don't want to hear

them say I'm sorry Because you're not sorry You're

not a sorry kid. I want to kind of remove that

language from them. Even today when Kaylin was

in her room and I was fussing trying to get her

to clean her own room, you know, one of the comments

I heard her make that I addressed with her personally

later was she made some kind of comment about

how I suck at this. And I had to sit down with

her. I said, That's not true. Like you don't

suck at stuff. I said, you're a very smart little

girl. I said, this is your room. I said, you

can do this. May take more effort sometimes if

you're not good at something. I said, but you

don't suck at it. I don't want to hear you say

stuff like that. Does that make sense? I feel

like I'm just rambling a little bit, but does

that make sense? I just think we have to be intentional

and really think and reflect about how much what

we say and how we say it shapes the atmosphere

in our home. It shapes the atmosphere in the

home that shapes your kid's identity. It shapes

Their inner confidence their inner confidence

it shapes Which is this is kind of where I feel

like I'm at personally now is Because Holy Spirit

is taking me on this journey and I'm leaning

into it is I'm seeing the things that I missed

before and how many my kids feel in a previous

season and they're still in this struggle point

of Getting used to the new version. I guess that

you can quote it of dad and Learning that they

can come to me when before I guess I really made

them feel like they cannot Yeah And then you

have days like today where I feel like I've went

backwards and you have to address it Because

I don't want them. I don't want them continually

being afraid to come to me. I want them to come

to me And then like I said, as a dad, you shape

the culture of your home. What do you want the

house to look like? These are questions you really,

I don't know that, at least not for me, you talk

about this kind of stuff enough. And I feel like

we should be talking more about this as families,

as men, as parents. What do you want your family

culture to look like? Like a vision. Yeah. Like

what's your vision for your family? Which, I

mean, we have a 10 year old right now who's,

she has this grand plan, uh, that mommy and daddy

are going to buy acreage somewhere and they can,

uh, her house will be here. Her sister's house

is over here. Her brother's house will be over

here. Mommy and daddy's house. I mean, she's

got this family compound thing. Planned out planned

out and you know, I kind of like it. Yeah, like

I can I can kind of envision that To where they

can have their own space, but yet we all can

be together, too I'm kind of here for that if

that's what they want to do But that goes back

to what culture do you create in your family?

Like is this a Excuse me. Is this a safe space

for them? Am I a safe space? Are you a safe space

that they can run to? No matter what feelings

they're juggling, whether it be the anger, the

sadness, the hurt feelings or excitement and

being happy, are you a safe place that they can

run to? And they know that there's no judgment,

no condemnation, no guilt, no shame, none of

that coming off of you toward them. But also,

are you listening? Like really listening when

they approach you? Because it's one thing to

be a safe space if they feel comfortable running

to you. But do they feel heard once they get

there? Or are you playing on your phone guilty?

Same. But it's like, and I picked up on earlier.

When they was going to bed, Kaylin was trying

to tell me something before he cut my hair. Kaylin

was trying to tell me something and I had my

phone out just scrolling and she said, no, are

you listening? And so at that point I realized

I'm gonna put my phone down because she really

wants to tell me something. But that's, you know,

that's a good point is are you, are we listening

to them? Are we making them feel seen and heard?

and not just tolerated. I mean, so you think

about those as, I guess it begs the question,

how do you intentionally raise kids who feel

safe to be fully themselves? I think it's, you

know, I think I've told you this before, but

in one of my quiet times, you know, God has spoke

to me and we, a lot of times are the limits for

our kids. Like a lot of times we put limits and

we speak things over them that we shouldn't.

And, you know, one prime example was I had ask

Kaylin to do something and she, you know, which

is what I would feel she smarted off and was

in all reality, she was just asking a question.

Yeah. But I automatically was like, don't be,

don't be a smart aleck, you know, and it hit

me because she turned to me and she's like, well,

what's that? She had no idea what you're talking

about. she does this, you know, what what we

put on others because others, you know, treat

us that way with disrespect and sometimes that

we automatically put those limits and those names

on our kids. Yes. And they don't mean it at all

because they don't even know what it is. Yeah.

And so then they hear mom and dad say, oh, well,

they said this. Did this and they said I was

being a smart alec. So then when someone else

does that to them now, they know Hey, that's

that's being smart So they really don't understand

what it means, but they know that we said that

that's what it was So then they pick up on it

somewhere else But in all reality a lot of times

our kids are truly just innocent asking questions

and we just don't want to take the time to Explain

it Or maybe we are in a hurry or in a mood ourselves

and we take it the wrong way and so you said

that and it made me think we we had as parents

we have to Learn how to and it's hard to do this

and this I feel like in this day and time But

to slow down And not be so busy busy busy and

I don't know I'm totally guilty of this So I

don't have the answer of what that looks like

yet, but being able to slow down and Make sure

they understand that you hear they that you hear

them creating that space for them and Then slowing

down to teach them in those critical moments

So they can understand You know and it goes I

guess to me it kind of goes back to the When

they mess up or whatever it's important to I

feel like it's important to tell them. This is

not who you are Like we're the ones that label

them first, but we are and Sometimes I speak

for myself, but sometimes we label at a frustration

We label because we've had a bad day we label

because Our past hurts and experiences. Our past

hurts and stuff. And so we throw those labels

at our kids. And then subconsciously, I think

they start picking up on some of this. And so

then they start allowing these thoughts that

we've expressed begin to build their identity.

And that's what we have to watch. Our words.

Watch our words. And you know, like I said, with

Trinity, I struggle more. Trinity is very big

in her feelings and I don't know what to do with

that a lot of times. That takes a lot more. Kaylin

on the other hand acts just like me. Yes. That

brings a whole nother level of frustration because

I see a little meaning in me and I'm like, oh

my Lord, is this is me coming out and how do

I speak to a younger female version of me in

this moment? That's not always easy to do. But

then you have, like I said, Trinity, who was

very big in her feelings. And I'm like, I don't

know. How do you do that? She's very big in her

feelings, but she also correlates, you know,

punishment with being bad and not love. Yes.

So you have to punish her. in a way that it's

explained very well. And you have to also reassure

her while you're punishing her. That you do love

her. She is still loved and it has nothing to

do with how we feel about her. It's just that

we are trying to teach her. It's a difference

between calling out identity and calling out

behavior. Like I see this behavior right now,

but this behavior does not get to identify you,

right? So let me continue so I'm going to address

the behavior, but let me speak to your identity

That you are still loved but we this behavior

is not acceptable in this behavior How can I

say that? the behavior that you're displaying

right now is out of character from who you are.

Does that make sense? Yeah. And you know, it

even, and I know we've talked about this and

I think you've sent me videos or your Facebook

reels on some of this stuff, but it even to me,

I guess, speaks to phrases that we should learn

to eliminate. Now I'm talking this through out

loud. But phrases to like you always or you never

or Why can't you like these are stuff that I

use? Constantly that I need to correct and comparing

them to each other comparing them to each other

but like making this the general phrase of you

always do this or You never do what I ask I'm

horrible to use these but I was reading some

of this stuff for this podcast, but instead of

saying that, you know, changing it to you're

growing, or that's not who you are. Instead of

the, you always do this, you never do this. Because

then it goes back to a certain while ago, they

start picking up on some of this stuff subconsciously,

and it begins to identify them. And they think,

well, this is how I am. Yep. then you have a

ten -year -old today saying I suck at this well

that means somewhere along the line she's picked

up by words that I've said or whatever that she

actually sucks at doing whatever it was she said

she's like that because she can never keep her

room clean yep which you know I told you this

recently I said it must just be a kid thing I

didn't I don't remember having those issues.

I was very still am very particular about where

stuff goes and I like a clean a Clean house or

whatever, but I'm also learning Well, our kids

are also very very blessed. They are extremely

blessed. We were overly abundantly blessed But

I'm you know, I'm 35 we've been married for 13

years Is that right now? 12, 25, yeah. 13 years,

we got three kids. I am just now learning that

it's okay if the house just looks livable. And

I know that's horrible to say, but it's okay

if the house looks livable. Like. Someone lives

here. Like we have three kids. We have a... Shut

up. You know what I mean. Lived in. This house

looks lived in. This house looks like we have

three kids. This house looks like we now have

a almost a one -year -old who's now crawling

and going everywhere. This house looks like you

have a one -year -old who... sits in his little

playthings and throws toys in the floor and for

no apparent reason and snacks and then smashes

the snacks and then that's what you have yeah

um it looks like you have two little girls who

when they come in shoes go off and then they

get left there until i say whose shoes are these

and is this where they go um whose cup is this

whose snack wrapper is this but all this is just

normal stuff And my job as dad is just to simply

help them learn how to pick up after themselves

and be responsible. Which is kind of crazy considering

that you grew up with two siblings and I had

none. I know. I kind of thought you might would

have figured that out before now. But I guess

it's just because my space was always organized.

But when you have But that was also one room

I Understand this like we don't have to call

me out on the podcast They're not listen. I'll

work hard for my house to look like it's been

struck by a tornado But you know and I have to

remember you homeschool you're a caregiver and

now you homeschool both girls, which Kaylin's

getting a little bit more independent. But then

on top of that, you have a one -year -old who

you're kind of at his beck and call. Like when

he's upset, guess what? Mommy has to be there.

Yeah. Cause he doesn't, he doesn't understand.

He doesn't care. He doesn't care. Like I am priority

number one right now. Just like we had to pause

this podcast because he woke up from his sleep

and was getting fussy all over this. So a lot

of this is just learning as you go. I do feel

like, and you can correct me live in person right

here if you would like, but I do feel like I

have grown in not getting as frustrated with

the house. Times, there's days I'm like, let's

clean the house up a little bit. I don't like

it looking trashy, so to speak, but it's lived

in. And if people don't like that, don't come

visit. I don't know what to tell you. Well, they

must not like it because we won't get a lot of

visitors. Eat hell. Scroll through my notes here

a little bit. That's what, you know, you think

too, even when we discipline, how do you, you

have to be conscious and how do you word discipline

in ways that shapes their identity and re -discipline

in a way that reinforces who they are, but cancels

out the behavior that they're, you're disciplining

for. Does that make sense? Yes. And, you know,

how do you do that? I'm also understanding that's

exactly what the Holy Spirit and what Papa does

for us. I know we grew up with some of this notion,

at least I did, with there's times that he scolds

you. Or, you know, that he kind of like, um,

David Thompson, Jason Clark always use the analogy

of you have the good cop, bad cop. Jesus is the

good cop, the father is the bad cop, and he's

protecting you from the father. This is kind

of some of the thought processes I grew up with.

Now I'm learning that not to be true and knowing

that he does not come and scold you. And just

as we don't want our kids coming to us and telling

us how horrible they are, how worthless they

are, he doesn't want that from us. And he doesn't

sit there and scold us over it. a decision. It's

more of like a nudge of, well, it's more of a

nudge. Like that's not who you are. That's not

what you do. That's not what you do. Um, it's

like, I believe I got this from Damon Thompson

and this is what I believe behavior follows identity.

So he speaks more to, as far as I'm concerned,

he speaks more to us about our identity of who

we are in Christ in Christ in us. And the more

he reinforces that, the behavior takes care of

itself. So how do you turn that for your kids?

I'm very thankful right now that our kids are

actually really good kids. They're very good

kids. Other than trying to teach them how to

get along with each other sometimes. and respect

boundaries. But, you know, it's just you talk

them through it because just like a teacher in

a classroom, you know, you have these kids and

you think that your kids should automatically

know these things because, well, they live in

the same house as you, which is obviously not

a good reason. But, you know, that's a lot of

times what we assume is like I know this stuff,

so you should know this stuff. But we are the

ones that teach them these things. We can't depend

on other people to teach them just so we don't

have to. Just because we don't want to deal with

it. No, it's our responsibility, it's our job

to make sure they know how to do things and why

we do them. in the end it gives them confidence

to you know because they just want to know why

a lot of times it's it's not them being disrespectful

or being um smart they're asking questions they

really want to know why they just try to understand

but that's good um another thing too when you

think about them and here's a statement that

just full Kids learn their internal voice from

their parents external voice And if that don't

make you as a parent stop and think about what

you're saying out loud yeah, not just and and

Okay, so not just to them But even how you talk

to yourself and again guilty as charged how you

talk to yourself in front of them Well, and it's

like, and I've made statements before, even a

friend of Kaylin out, like I'll do something

and go stupid. And Kaylin has corrected me saying

you're not stupid daddy. Well, it's like, we

think a lot of times we, you know, the golden

rule, treat others the way you want to be treated.

But for some reason that doesn't apply to our

kids. Good point. You know, just because what

they're kids. That's a good point. Like, do I

want to be, um, yelled at as an adult? Do I want

to be, um, you know, shifted to the side and

be shamed because I don't know something? No.

So then what makes you think that your kids want

to feel that way? It's, you know, it's one of

those things too. I think growing up, there was

this, for me, there was this mentality of. If

you yell and scream it shows authority and leadership

I Mean even and I know I can get excited when

I'm when I'm teaching or ministering. I don't

think I've ever like hollered I Don't think it

would been that type To what to like be on you

know kids like it when I'm ministering I kind

of just have this sound sometimes but not more

so kind of out of excitement. Yeah, but not yelling

but If you if you really think about that and

think about Jesus I don't think he yelled and

screamed to assert leadership and authority I

think You have to learn To talk to your kids

as Little human beings and goes back to what

you said would I want to be your dad? like No,

yeah, I mean if I mean if you just apply the

golden rule to parenting and within with even

with Trinity if you raise your voice Yeah Takes

off running. Yeah, that's not what she wants.

It's not what she needs nothing. That's a there's

a lesson in that Mean okay, even with me and

you we don't really yell at each other We have

had moments, but we've had some heated discussions

And I would even say we've had those lately if

I really had to think about it I'm trying to

think You're giving me some look so maybe we

have Yes, but we anyhow Nevermind. Before today,

it's, I think it's been a while. Yeah. Um, but

we don't, we don't yell. We talk to each other.

We talk through it. Like if, if we see a issue

or something, we wait until it's just us and

then we talk it out. And I'm like, um, maybe

you shouldn't, you know, like you should have

done this or shouldn't have done it this way.

And you do the same to me. when I get frustrated

or something, you're like, uh, that was a bit,

a bit much. Yeah. But, um. But it should be the

same with the kids. Like if we can talk to each

other that way as partners. You get a whole lot

more out of them. You get a whole much. If you

just, if you yelled at me, like I'm probably

not going to have a whole lot of respect and

want to listen to what you have to say. Um, but

if you treat me like a human being, And I think

the kids and with respect I think the kids feel

the same way To me I guess it just goes back

to what you say and how you say it your delivery

Because you can say something nice but deliver

it wrong and they won't receive it. Mm -hmm Yeah

It's like I've heard people also say, you know,

I'm not explaining myself to a child the baby

you need to But you definitely need to. And our

kids are a perfect example of I think they understand

more than we give them credit for. Oh yes they

do. They're way too smart for my own good. I

mean you definitely need to explain to them things

because how do you expect them to handle things

later on in life if they were never taught? Yeah.

And you have to they have to be able to understand

Okay, mommy said this why? Because of this Mommy's

doing this why well, they need to know Like I

don't mind explaining myself to anybody. Yeah,

but you know, I There's all different kinds of

parenting styles and I'm not saying that You

know either way is wrong. It's however you you

know, you can reach your kids but Well, I think

it's important to remember every child's different

and I my belief is trust Holy Spirit and ask

Holy Spirit to help you Right parent your child.

Yeah, I mean they belong to him first exactly

You know and and that may mean and I think me

and Ray has talked about this before That may

sometimes mean I need to walk away from a situation

I probably had some of those moments today and

opportunities that I should have walked away,

breathe and then, you know, talk to you first

and then come back to the situation. Um, and

I did not do that. I failed at that today, but

yeah, but it's, it's okay to walk away in. Take

a breath take a breath before you respond to

Whatever you name and it's okay to tap out to

your spouse every once in a while You know, like

if you're struggling having a bad day be like

look, I'm gonna need you to step up today because

I'm not it. I'm not it today I Think that's good

right there but Don't know how I mean, of course,

we're supposed to be talking about our words

and how they matter I think we took a turn on

parenting but in but but but It is parenting

and it can relate to parenting has a lot to do

with Words. Yeah, I mean it to me. I guess it

goes to teaching beginning teaching has a lot

to do with words and tones and how you How you

build because what do you what are we doing in

the family? as the parents, as the dad, what

are you, you're building a culture for your family.

Well, that culture is going to be framed by what?

Your words, your attitude, your tone. I mean,

it's a bigger deal than we realize. It goes back

to what Proverbs 18 talks about. The power of

life and death is in the tongue. You're eating

you're either giving life to your children. You're

giving life to your spouse or giving life to

Your home or you're killing it You know and there's

like today for me. I feel like I killed a lot

of things But then at the end of the night I

had to suck it up be a man look at my kids and

say you know what I'm sorry May both of you feel

this way That's not okay. And just, we move forward

from there. And I think that's important as a

family too, is having that grace to be able to

say, hey, look, you had a day. I apologize. It's

okay. You know, even with the kids, when they

have that day, they have their bad day, is being

able to look at them like Kailin said, even before

they, if they don't ever say a thing about it.

And just helping them understand, we forgive

you a long time ago. I think, and this goes deep,

I feel as I say this out loud and think about

it, my kids don't have to ask me to forgive them.

I live in a state of forgiveness toward my children.

And where does that come from? Because I was

always taught you got to ask God to forgive you

every day I mean, that's that's good to do I

guess but Also living from this point. I don't

know that I want my kid asking me every day to

forgive them. I Forgive you because you're my

child All right, how we got on this subject,

but here we are Well, I think after a while to

what they originally asked forgiveness for eventually.

It doesn't become a thing that needs forgiveness

anymore because it drops off. Yeah. Cause they

realize, Hey, I have to apologize for this. Maybe

I'll not do it anymore. You know, and then, you

know, you move on, you grow from that. Yeah.

And I think a lot of the goal and a lot of this

stuff to me, I guess, is you're trying to establish

this family as a kingdom family. Like I know

I created the logo that says that, but now we're

creating a culture where I want this to be a

kingdom focused family to where at 8 and at one

year old, he matters just as much as Kaylin at

10 years old. And Kaylin at 10 years old matters

just as much as 8 and at one year old. And I

want them both to believe that. At times, even

having a baby, your older one, especially the

middle one too, can feel left out during times.

But creating though that culture and helping

them understand, hey, we see you, we hear you,

we know you. And include them. Yeah. Even on

the simple things. And just understanding, you

know, every word you speak as a parent plants

a seed. You're speaking constantly. If you're

being intentional about it, you're speaking,

um, to who your child is becoming. I like this

one. I have this for down. Yeah. And I wrote

this down. Why your child, why your home should

sound like your child's future. and not their

past. Like when they make mistakes, don't allow

them to dwell on that mistake. Don't allow them

to define themselves by that mistake. Help them

to pick up the pieces and just move forward.

And you know, and I have to, I have to think

about Kalin for a lot of this because Kalin What

I've seen over Kailin the past few weeks is just

mind blowing. As far as her wisdom that she speaks.

Her understanding of situations. And her kindness.

And her kindness. Her. Like she does. She expresses

her emotions. She's expressing them more so lately

that I've seen. But there's so much grace in

everything that she does. And I even, I mean,

is what it is, you know, even when we left the

church the past couple of weeks. And we talked

to the kids about what happened. understanding

of what was happening, happening in her wisdom

to speak life back into us without knowing what

she was doing. I don't know that at 10 years

old, I would be talking like she talks sometimes.

I don't think I was. I mean, it's just, she,

I don't know. Sometimes I'm wondering, sometimes

I ask myself like, which one of us is the parent?

Cause I mean, just like tonight. Daddy already

forgives you before you said anything We all

have bad days like for her to understand that

and grapple that at 10 years old And be able

to turn it and extend grace back to me as her

dad. You see that's also You know when you teach

them It's okay to have bad days. This is what

it is He you know Daddy's just having a bad day

today Okay And that's okay. We just keep trucking.

But when you stop and you explain all of these

scenarios as life comes in to your home, they

understand and they react a whole lot better

to it. And I think that's what we see out of

Kalen. Because I try to take the time and trust

me, she has so many questions. But I try to take

my time and explain, you know, and I know there's

some days that, you know, I'm at my last question

for the day, and I probably don't explain things

as good, but I try my best every day to respond

and answer her questions so that she understands,

you know, what and why and, you know, the reason

behind it and what we do with it. You know, I

think we'll start wrapping up, but I think the

last part, you know, I know I mentioned a while

ago about the whole forgiveness thing. I don't

want my kids running around constantly. Forgive

me, forgive me, forgive me. Not what I'm looking

for, but I want to also help them understand

that they're Repentance there is a There's time

like tonight where I had to sit down and apologize

but that that's also needed in relationships

and in family to where And one of the things

I read today for this was about just modeling

humility, you know, it's a It should be normal

to be able to come up and say, I was wrong. Because

what are you trying to do in that moment? You're

trying to reconcile what was there. Um, because

if I just, okay, let's just be honest. If I just

never did that and continued on the path that

I was on before, what would our family look like?

She just rolled her eyes for everybody who. You

can't see what I see. That look right there is

head at all. But how the biblical repentance

and I don't like that word, but it reestablishes

connection. You know, I was not connected to

my kids at all. I felt like today until that

moment when I sat down with them. Well, I can't

say that because I, me and Kevin had a conversation

earlier where I corrected that. Um, but to sit

down before you cut my hair and everything and

have that conversation. I made them come sit

in the living room and us sit down so I could

explain to them. I didn't really explain, just

apologize for how I made them feel today. And

to show them and display this is how you reconcile.

This is how you reestablish connection. Don't

ever feel like I don't love you. Right. I messed

up today. Had a rough day mentally. You got to

bring into that. That's not okay. I'm not excusing

what I did, but this is where we're at. And then

you build it from there. It's not the same, I

guess is what I'm trying to say. It's not the

same as constantly running around going, forgive

me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me. But there

are moments to where when you know you missed

it, hey, I got this wrong. And I feel like me

and you do that sometimes a lot more now than

we used to. And sometimes, you know, in the moment,

You apologize and it's more healing for you than

it was for the ones that deserved it Yeah, because

a lot of times At least for me a lot of times

when you when someone apologizes to me, I'm like,

I'm already over that anyhow, I didn't really

But you're right it does it does more for you

sometimes it's like your connection You know,

it heals that connection where you feel disconnected

Yeah, and Then what I want the our kids understand

and why I don't like to hear I'm say I'm sorry

Is go sorry doesn't really cut it It's what you

do you've apologized Now what? That means we

don't continue in the behavior that caused the

pain That caused the hurt Does that mean you're

gonna be perfect? No Does that mean if that's

where your struggle is, you might fail again?

No. But learning how to deal with that in the

moment and teaching them, hey, okay, let's use

the kids as an example. You know, I didn't keep

my room clean. Well, yeah, it's okay. We forgive

you. Maybe they keep it clean for three days.

I'm giving them a lot of grace there. They kept

it clean for three days and then mess up again.

Okay, let's just keep, let's just move on. Next

time they make it four days. Exactly. Right.

That's the kind of grace we have to have, especially

with our kids, is understanding they're little

human beings. who's trying to figure out this

thing called life in a chaotic world that it's

more chaotic now than it was when we were younger.

That just kind of is what it is. But to see,

I guess as a parent, the bragging that we have,

bragging right, that I must say we have, quote

unquote. Is to see their response and some of

these things I Mean even trying to even if you

pay attention to Trinity, there's things that

she does and says sometimes it's like Wow She

she's one of those that shows you they understand

a lot more Than what you give credit for and

if you separate Kalen and Trinity. Trinity becomes

much more older, I guess you could say, in moments.

Mature. Mature, that's a good word. Yeah, much

more mature. I'm trying to think if there's anything

else I want to hit on. Okay, let's let's do this

one because I think even marriage our marriage

in front of them Helps speak life to them. I

Think yes showing affection each other in front

of them mean stuff to them that kind of thing

How has our language changed our marriage over

the years I Mean you speak English now Excuse

me Used to mumble a lot you still do sometimes

I'm just kidding. I Have no words for it now,

I Feel like you communicate a little better whereas

before you just didn't You kept it was a struggle

for me you kept everything inside and it was

like pulling nails out of Actually, what is rebar?

It was like pulling rebar out of the ground,

trying to get something out of you. I've had

to do that a couple of times. That gets fun.

Sometimes it's just easier to cut the rebar and

move on. But that's how it felt like trying to

get emotion or feelings and things out of you

before. Now you actually come to me and you know,

you'll Tell me things that bother you or if I

do something That upsets you or that you don't

like or that I said something and I didn't realize

That what I said bothered you because it may

not be what I meant, you know You will tell me

whereas before You didn't really say A whole

lot that I recall. Okay. Well, what about me?

The question was how has her language changed

our marriage over the years? I know. I would

agree with what you just said. Well, that was

mostly about you. Yeah, but you've always communicated

to me typically. Oh, so mine's the same? We communicate

better. Okay. Not to sexist anything, but you

are, you're a female. You communicate better

anyhow. Well, I mean, okay. I didn't never have

to worry about where I stood with you. You would

always make sure you told me. I on the other

hand. And if not my facial expressions. Exactly.

If you don't speak, your face still shows it.

I have said that. You do. Yeah, anyhow. And that

closed caption. Yes, it is. I didn't finish it,

but thanks. But I guess to end, I would, I'm

going to use a personal story for you that you

told me. Oh, no. Just to prove that I don't know

that this ever, I don't know that the power of

words ever Does not mean anything So like the

day that you went to your dad's and you come

home and Told me that your dad said that he's

proud of you And you you told me and I never

forget the words that you said to me you said

don't ever Ever doubt the words that you speak

over your daughters Don't have value because

at 35 years I think you were 34 then. Don't underestimate

it. Yeah and at 34 years old hearing your dad

say I'm proud of you still spoke volume to you.

Something about when a dad speaks that it does

something to you. Yeah. I think something that

maybe not just as a dad but as a parent when

they speak that kind of word over you it does

something. Especially when you know, it's coming

from a sincere place. Yeah Don't get it, you

know To where you don't want them going out looking

for it other places to make them think that exactly

other people they need to seek Approval and stuff

from other people but there's something about

when your parent You know or your dad says I'm

proud of you when you think about me thinking

about two little girls. I want them to know that

their dad affirms them already so that the older

they get, some boy come along and try to affirm

them. That does not grab their attention because

they already know. My dad tells me I'm beautiful.

My dad tells me I'm a princess. My dad tells

me that I'm smart. My dad tells me that I'm valuable.

So there's nothing you can tell me that's going

to get my attention. Right. Just my thoughts

there. But I think it's just a good note to end

on because talking about the power of words,

that never goes away from the importance of that

as a parent, being able to speak life back to

your kids. No matter how old they are. No matter

how old they are. Yeah. because regardless you're

always that parent you're always that mom or

that dad and you in some ways I guess you as

the parent sets the tone for the relationship

what do you want that culture to look like what

do you want the future because you know We got

plenty of time for it, but there's back in my

mind. I'm thinking at some point there are grandkids

in the future What does that future look like?

What culture do I create now? To help affirm

not just my kids, but my grandkids It's just

a big deal when you think about it And my we

have to be more intentional. Well, I have to

be more intentional With things that I say and

things that I do We could go on hold for another

hour probably talking about some of this but

I'll let that just kind of sit there and I Think

that's just a good note to end on it never gets

Don't ever feel like you're I guess for the listener

whoever's listening to this don't ever feel like

your kids are too old for you to Speak life into

them You're still their parent and there's power

in your tongue to speak life or death blessing

or cursing You get to choose You know sometimes

it just takes That apology to reconcile the relationship

I Can't just be an apology is gonna be action

behind it, too If I just set up here tonight

and sit on, you know I'm sorry for what I've

said or whatever but then never back to being

And just continue doing doing this every day

and I just apologized every day eventually the

apology becomes Obsolete. Yeah They don't even

bother because you're just gonna keep doing the

same thing Versus I had today today. Maybe I

go two weeks and don't have a day like this And

then have to apologize again. Well, then I go

a month And don't have a day like this Makes

them more of a difference Do you want to pray?

No, you won't let me do it. Okay Father I just

thank you. I thank you for anyone who's listening

to this if they've made it this far I just I

speak to their hearts and their minds. I Guess

Holy Spirit my first prayer for the listener

would be that they would hear what you would

say over them That you that they would hear that

you are proud of them That they would hear that

you love them more than anything That they would

hear and Holy Spirit just reveal to them how

valuable that they are to you as an individual

as a son or daughter of you But they would feel

their importance they would hear their importance

out of your voice that they would feel your embrace

and then they would be able to demonstrate that

back to their children back to their homes that

they've created back into their families their

spouse and we just thank you and praise you in

Jesus name we pray amen thank you again for doing

this with me i love you You're welcome, I love

you too. Okay.