Episode 46: On The Changing Of The Season

Introducing Newbury Kit Studio, where you create your own heritage.

Design bespoke teamware for any club, school, or team with thousands of custom combinations at your fingertips.

Whether you're building a full custom look or choosing from our core range to suit any budget, your team deserves the best.

And because Newbury has been crafting cricket equipment since 1919, Kit Studio customers unlock exclusive discounts across balls, bats, equipment, and shoes.

Start designing today at newbury.co.uk.

Newbury Kit Studio.

Create your own heritage.

Thank you.

No run.

Waiting No Waiting, waiting, you're still waiting Yes.

Waiting Oh Churchy, are you okay?

I I heard a lot of shouting.

What what are you waiting for?

Ah, young Mr Gomberts, how lovely to see you.

I was just practising my running between the wickets, and more importantly, my calling.

You know, Mr Gomberts, the key to a good partnership is always communication.

Right I see.

And and I suppose before the service is is as good a time as any.

Yes, indeed.

I think it would really improve our parish eleven.

Granted, first they would have to actually hit the ball, and then after that they'd need to suppress their surprise at actually hitting the ball.

But miracles may happen, and when they do, I would like our boys to be prepared to run between the wickets.

Yes, quite right, Judgy.

Good thinking.

Anyway, how are you doing?

Are you keeping well?

Yes, I'm not too bad, thank you, although I I didn't get a terrific amount of sleep last night.

What was wrong?

Too hot?

Too loud?

Oh no, no, nothing like that.

I was just up all night thinking about how best to coach our players about running between the wickets.

Well, it sounds like you've made a great start.

Anyway, what have you been up to this week?

Well, Mr.

Gomberts, I have spent a lot of time sat on the parish green again this week upon the parish bench, and parishioners have come to see me bringing their cricket pads with them, and we have discussed their cricket fads, and I think probably my favourite, if the most controversial, was Trevor.

Now Trevor, as you know, has played a couple of games for the parish, and Trevor brought his pads down and they were excellent pads, young Mr Gomberts, Felcro variety, and I think actually probably if the ball were to hit Trevor pads, uh the ball would probably go further than if it was to hit Trevor's bat.

But Trevor then told me his cricketing fad.

Now, Mr Gomberts, I'm going to tell you, but I don't want this going any further.

Any further, it is slightly controversial.

But Trevor told me that when he plays, what he likes to do when everybody else is batting is he likes to stand in the dressing room in front of the mirror in just his jock strap holding his bat and practising his shots.

I said to him, Trevor, if that is the way you prepare, that is the way you prepare.

I'm delighted to say that Trevor didn't arrive to sit on the parish bench wearing just his jock strap, but his cricketing fad is that young Mr Gombert.

Trevor prepares for batting, standing in front of the dressing room mirror, wearing just his jock strap.

Oh fantastic.

That sounds like a terrific day out.

Oh er young George, I'm not sure I would call it a day out sitting on the parish bench on the parish green chatting to parishioners about their cricket pads and their cricket fads.

I can think of better days out, I have to say, but but it it was it was tremendous, and I feel many of the parishioners, especially Trevor, feel better for getting everything off their chest.

Now, more importantly than all of that, what have you been up to?

Well, it's it's been another busy week.

I was on a walk yesterday just round the parish when I walked past the parish screen and the parish hall, and saw that there was a uh a a group of people with bags and prongs, like tweezers, but for giants.

Big grabbers, and they were encouraging people to go litter picking.

So I was with Reg and I was with Mr.

Hordings at the time.

And we thought that'd be quite fun.

So we went around the parish picking up litter and crisp packets and beer bottles, etc.

And then I found a discarded scorebook, um, as a team was chasing the low total of 65, and they got off to a great start.

They were 50 for no loss, and uh they were 58 for two, and they lost their final eight wickets for for just one run, and that one run was a leg by.

And then a car drove past, and uh someone wound down the window and chucked their bat out of the window whilst while shouting, This stupid thing doesn't even work! It doesn't even have a middle.

Um so I inspected the bat, and I can most most definitely say that it did have a middle, um, and from looking at all the cherries, it's just this this poor man was yet to find it.

Um but but one thing this man definitely will be sure of, judging by the cherries, is that this bat definitely has got an edge.

Um anyway, we we picked Lister, we we had some fun, and we got a free pastry at the end.

So it was it was a great day out, a great way to spend the morning.

Oh hello Mike! Wow! Wow, wow, Mike, I must say.

Terrific shoes you're wearing.

I am so glad to see that the 360 cricket shoes reached you in good time, and I must say the pimples look to be a very wise choice.

I can't wait for Rex and Reg to walk in and see you in the shoes as well.

Well, yeah, yeah, if you go and sit on the second row from the back on the left, that's normally where they sit.

So I'll I'll make sure they go and join you.

Yeah, enjoy the service, Mike.

Oh, how terrific was that, Churchy?

Oh yes, that is absolutely brilliant.

It won't be long until every parishioner is coming to the Sunday service wearing the Newberry 360s.

Oh, apologies, young George, that's my phone, and it's for the boycott Vicarage helpline.

I had better take this.

Hello the Boycott Vicarage helpline Hello Hello, sir, how can we help you?

Test match What about the test match, sir?

Toss What about the toss, sir?

Concerned What is concerning you, sir?

Well, with the Pakistan team having basically called for an entirely new squad, what is worrying me, concerning me, and causing me not to sleep properly is how long is it going to take young Babarazam when they ask him about team changes to actually tell everybody what the team changes are.

Captains are normally absolutely dreadful at remembering one or two changes.

So, so, so I feel the toss should start earlier.

I think the toss of the coin should be at ten o'clock at Edgemiston giving babbarazam plenty of time to tell everybody about the team changes.

What are you going to do about this?

There's not a lot I can do, sir.

Uh it's valid point though that you make a very valid point.

I I would be ringing the England and Wales Cricket Board and also the Pakistan Cricket Board if you can get through to them.

Marvellous! I'm off to do that right now.

Do apologize, George.

Uh where were we?

Yes, WG, sermon, reading, and the competition.

All as usual.

Oh hello Trevor.

Wow.

Trevor, I must say that's some haircut you've got there.

What on Mother Crickets Green Earth persuaded you to do it like that.

I mean, it does look fantastic on you, it's just a little bit different.

Oh, oh, I see.

You you didn't get your free haircut during the fundraising match last week against the hairdressers of Upper and Lower Bottom because you were far too busy.

But but but they kindly said you could go round and they'd do it this week?

That's lovely of them.

And I must say, Trevor, that's a haircut and a half.

Am I allowed to say, Trevor, I feel the inspiration for it comes from Kevin Peterson, 2005, Jacob Bethel, 2026, and Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, is that the parish crest that you've had cut into the back of your hair?

That is unbelievable, Trevor.

Well, well done, well done to you.

You look a million dollars.

Right now, Trevor, please go and take a seat now, because because because we will be starting very, very I'm sorry, Trevor, your haircut has absolutely almost left me wordless.

Uh, we'll be starting very soon.

Uh yes, I dare say you might get a lot of attention, uh, not only in the service, but all of this week, and and Trevor, I recommend that you walk down the aisle backwards, allowing everybody to see your crest in the back of your hair.

Thank you, Trevor! You're right, Churchy.

The music is coming and it's nearing the time.

So let's get ready to start the Sunday service.

I hope you enjoyed your sunny Saturday, possibly watching the county championship action, and that you may try and put some of that to practice in the sun after today's service.

Well well, what another exciting week of cricketing action it has been.

The week started with England sealing the series win against Pakistan, causing Pakistan without even a hint of panic to change almost their entire team for the final test.

And the week has ended with some truly thrilling county championship action as the season enters the final few weeks.

Somerset Shire and Sussexhire walked away with fairly narrow wins, but none more so than the one wicket win that Surreyshire secured at home against Yorkshire Shire.

With just two runs to win, Surrey lost their penultimate wicket only for Dan Warrell to crash one through the covers after an impressive defensive stalemate from Josh Blake at the other end.

That game contained some strangely low scores, with both teams being bowled out for under 85 runs.

In fact, on day two we had all four innings over the course of one day, which must I say is a little greedy.

Now, talking about being bowled out for low scores, Durham won by 150 runs away at Northamptonshire, as an inspired Callum Parkinson took six wickets on a spinner-friendly pitch as Durham skittled the host for just 50.

Nonetheless, there ought to be a word of appreciation for extras, who dug in when other batters didn't, and was the only one to get to double figures.

Anyway, an unusual record was set earlier in the week as a Surrey-based village cricketer set the record for the world's longest run-up, delivering the first ball of a match, having run the 62 miles from Lords to Valley End Cricket Club.

I think he should be excused for the delivery, barely pitching on the cut strip and should be heartily applauded for raising thousands of pounds for the Ruth Strauss Foundation.

Well done, young Sam.

And finally, we offer our congratulations to the captain of Blackheathshire, Cheshire, Cricket Club, who was wed in holy matrimony while surrounded by friends and family and the lovely scenery of North Waleshire.

I hope he managed to enjoy the day and that he wasn't thinking too much about his helicopter ride this morning and his subsequent innings in the Sunday Village Cup final at Lord's.

We wish him all the best for the match this afternoon, which really could end up being a fairy tale start to the marriage.

More to the point, we wish his wife all the very best, having given up her first day of marriage to Mother Cricket, and I dare say not her last.

Anyway, let's get today's service started with a hymn.

Your order of service and hymn book shall be found as usual in the pocket of the pew in front of you, or digitally on Twitter at Sunday Service22.

So please stand as we sing our first hymn, Amazing Grace.

Well, here we all are for the first Sunday in September.

As Bob Dylan once sang, the seasons they are a changing.

Bob actually sang, The times they are a changing, but I feel he wouldn't mind a word change at this very juncture.

Yes, we are heading into autumn.

The conkers are on the trees, your woolly jumpers are coming out of the wardrobe.

It won't be long until Ted is lighting the fire in the badger's googly.

Fingers crossed this autumn, Ted, you'll have a fireplace, rather than just having a bonfire in the middle of the pub.

And the parish eleven are preparing for the final game of the season next Saturday against the husbands and partners of the ladies of the parish of Knobly on the World Women's Institute, or the HPLPKWIN, as they're also known.

The changing of the seasons always means the cricket season is coming to an end.

As a number of you have mentioned to me, you feel this summer has been a special one in the parish, and I can't help but agree.

The weather has certainly played its part.

Long hot summer days, watching Mrs.

Watson, Mrs.

Bartholomew windsurfing, tending to my bush at Boycott Vicarage, watching the likes of Sexy Rex doing his stuff, whatever that may be out in the middle, and spending time with all of you in the Badgers Googly.

It has been a memorable few months.

So memorable in fact that I have written to Mr Brian Adams, the Australian crooner, to see if he minds Mr Gomberts reworking his iconic number the summer of 69 into the summer of 2026 for parish purposes.

I'm hoping Mr Adams will allow this, and I know Mr Gomberts already has the lyrics swimming in his head, ready to be put to paper.

Even though we will all miss the summer, I always feel that moving into a season of the autumnal variety is a little like welcoming back an old friend who has gone on holiday for a few months.

They will return with longer hair, bangles on their wrists, looking healthy and brimming with new ideas and fresh outlooks on life.

Slowly, their tan will fade, their hair will start to look silly because it suited a beach in somewhere like Goa, but they look a little out of place back in the office.

Their bangles will break, and their new outlooks in life will fade as soon as they are stuck in their first traffic jam trying to get back to work, or the 0643 is cancelled due to leaves on the line.

The hot days will disappear, the long nights will draw in, and they will give anything to be back sipping a rum cocktail with the waves lapping at their feet.

Really, what I'm trying to say is I'm not looking forward to the end of the cricket season.

But I look up and see all of your smiling faces, I'm reg asleep at the back of the church, and I know we will all be together.

A little colder, a little older, a little stiffer in the morning, so to speak, but we will be together.

And that is a really lovely thought.

Mrs Watts, can you please put your hand down?

Yes, I know Mrs.

Bartholomew has fallen asleep, but no no, you don't need to wake her up.

We will have lots to look forward to, and it won't be long until we are pulling out our pads and gloves again and preparing for a new season.

And we still have three weeks left until the end of the cricket season, and next Saturday's game against the HPLPKWI 11 to look forward to.

And as the good book reminds us all, the cricket season actually never ends.

At any time, on any day, there will be a random one day international Test match, a T20 T10 franchise competition being played somewhere in the world, and you can guarantee someone somewhere will be broadcasting it.

And you will think to yourselves, Goodness, I didn't know they were playing in that competition.

In fact, I didn't even know there was that competition.

Now, this week Mr Gomberts and I have been doing research.

In fact, I would go so far as to say we have been on a fact-finding mission.

Thanks to your efforts, Mr.

Askew has informed me that we have four hundred and fifty pounds to spend on the purchase of the parish bird bath, which is a magnificent total from the fundraising game last weekend.

We will be taking your ideas for what you would like the birdbath to represent, but our fact finding mission to the garden centres of various parishes has led us to find out that we can afford not only the bird bath but also a water feature for the bird bath.

This is marvellous news, and I must admit, after discussions with Mr.

Gomberts and the drawing of designs, one thing I have learnt is we must have the water feature in the right place.

As many of you will know, I want the water feature and the birdbath to depict Sir Jeffrey playing a four defensive with the brim of his cap being the bath for the birds.

Mr.

Gomberts and I used artificial intelligence to see how this would look with the water feature and Attached, and I have to say it does look quite splendid until Artificial Intelligence actually turned the water feature on, and it looked like Sir Geoffrey was relieving himself.

A lesson wisely learned.

But the good news is we have the water feature option, and do join us both in the Badgers Googly on Wednesday evening with all your ideas.

We have both also witnessed the madness of the game between Surreyshire and Yorkshire at the parish of the Oval Shire this week.

A game where ball dominated bat.

Twenty-three variety of wickets fell on day two, and amongst great tension on Friday afternoon, Jay Blake guided Surreyshire to a one wicket victory.

Again it showed that the longer form of the game is very, very special and left us both sleeping in a dark room yesterday.

So here we all are in September, which comes from the Latin word septum, meaning seven, which is slightly confusing because it is actually the ninth month, but I think it has something to do with the Roman calendar or something like that.

Anyway, it's time for new prospects, new horizons, new beginnings, and a new parish burbath with a water feature, of course.

Today I would like to leave you with the words of TLC and their 1994 R and B hit Waterfalls.

Don't go chasing waterfalls.

Please stick to the rivers and lakes that you're used to.

Wise words there from TLC with the changing of the seasons.

And can I also add, please stick to the public footpath through the parish, otherwise we will be pulling Mr Montgomery out of the parish pond again when the clocks change and he is wandering home in the evening from the Batcher's Goodly.

Ooh, and one final thing.

The Parish Conquers competition will be on the first Saturday in October, and please, no baking or using vinegar this year, otherwise, we will have to introduce random conquer testing.

Cricketin three with WG Hello everyone, Just Rumble here, and welcome back to Cricketin Three with WG.

Now, you know when you've had a bad day at work.

Perhaps you spill your coffee on the keyboard, perhaps you forget to attach the attachment.

Perhaps your boss gives you a slightly frosty look in the lift.

But imagine arriving at work on a Monday morning, checking your messages, and discovering that not only have you lost your job, but six of your colleagues have as well.

And they've brought in seven new, less qualified people to replace you all.

Welcome to Pakistan Cricket.

After losing to England at Lords, Pakistan have reacted with a sort of calm, measured response normally associated with someone discovering a wasp in their living room.

They've sent seven players home.

Seven! Not rested, not rotated, not given a chance to reflect on their performance home.

And they've sacked head coach Safaris Ahmed, along with bowling coach Umar Ghul, and brought in replacements for the final test.

Now I appreciate Pakistan haven't been terribly good.

They haven't passed 200 in an innings during this series.

That's not ideal.

In fact it's difficult to win a test match when your batting strategy appears to be right, lads, let's see how quickly we can all get back to the hotel.

But seven players You can just imagine the Pakistan cricket board meeting.

Right, we've lost two tests.

What should we do?

Perhaps give the players another game.

No.

Uh work on our technique?

Absolutely not.

Maybe make two or three changes.

You're thinking far too conservatively.

And before you know it, someone's shouting Give me seven new cricketers and a new coaching staff.

The extraordinary thing is that five of the replacements are uncapped test players.

So Pakistan's solution to losing heavily in England is apparently we've tried experienced cricketers, now let's see if anyone's got a passport and some whites.

And spare a thought for the players who didn't even get a game.

Imagine travelling all the way to England, carrying the drinks, doing the warm-ups, applauding politely from the balcony, and then getting sent home anyway.

But it didn't even play.

Exactly, and frankly, we're not prepared to take the risk.

Pakistan cricket has always possessed extraordinary talent.

What it has occasionally lacked is a revolutionary concept of waiting five minutes before making a decision.

Because perhaps seven players aren't suddenly useless because you've lost two tests.

Perhaps the problem is deeper.

Perhaps rebuilding a test team requires patience, continuity, and a plan.

Or perhaps Pakistan will win the final test and prove the PCB with geniuses all along.

And if they lose, well what then?

Well I assume they'll sack the replacement coach, send everyone else home, and pick some random men off the street for their next match.

Because at this point, as Mercurial as Pakistan have been in the past, it seems we're in uncharted territory where really anything is possible.

Thank you to WG.

Now Mr Gombers will read a passage from the good book.

Before I read from the good book, I'd just like to thank everyone for their good behaviour this week.

It's reassuring to know that the word of the good book still reaches people, even if sometimes it does take two weeks.

Now, today's reading is in honour of our friend from Blackheathshire, and it describes the encounter between Mother Cricket and the newlywed man, and how the two may not easily mix.

Today's reading is from the book of Mother Cricket.

First innings, eighty for one.

Love is not easily shared, Mother Cricket warned the man.

You may love me, or you may love thy wife, but you may not love both equally.

Many men have tried, and many, many men before you have failed.

The man replied, Is compromise a possibility?

My wife one weekend, you the next, my wife in the winter, you in the summer.

My advice, young man, is to be careful.

To be very careful, Mother Cricket replied.

The young man looked deflated until Mother Cricket offered him a helpline.

There is one solution you may like, she said.

You may cease to love me for many years, whilst you care for thy wife and raise thy child.

I shall still be here afterwards.

The man perked up.

But you must vow to raise thy child in my honour, and return to the game with fullest commitment, and guide thy child on thy cricketing journey.

Great joy shall be found in watching thy child take wickets, score runs, and most importantly, in sharing the field with thy child.

This is the most special of all.

Here endeth the reading.

I invite you now to join me as we bow our heads in prayer.

Dearest Mother Cricket, we wish all the best to our friend in Blackheathshire for his marriage and more importantly, for his match later this afternoon.

No matter how he performs, he can live safe in the knowledge that he arrived at Lords for the Sunday Village Cup final more fashionably than anyone else has done so before.

In the swingers and googlies, how's that?

Now I have one disappointing announcement that unfortunately our organ player with the Big Organ is ill this week.

He unfortunately pulled out quite late, so we haven't had time to get a replacement, so there there will be no hymn this week, and it really does sadden me to say that.

But hopefully he and his big organ will be back next week to perform with great gusto as we sing about various cricketing matters.

In the meantime, we have our backup organ player within the parish who is very capable of playing a little bit of music here and there, but just not quite capable of playing music consistently enough or in time, or albeit in tune, so that we may sing along.

So enjoy this little bit of organ music, but we will not be singing a hymn, I regret to say.

Reg Can someone please nudge Reg?

I think he's fallen asleep while standing up.

S someone give him a nudge.

He's not a cow.

He doesn't he doesn't he's not meant to sleep standing up.

Thank you, Trevor.

Wow, I just got another glimpse of your haircut, Trevor, and it remains absolutely fantastic.

Yes, there we go.

Take a seat now, Reg.

Oh don't be embarrassed, it's fine.

Well, after the excitement of Mike winning the 360 shoes last week, this week we're playing again for a brand new pair of batting gloves.

So please, can everyone come to the front to answer this week's cricketing question?

Right then everybody, up we come to the front of the church, up we come Mrs Watts, Mrs.

Bartholomew, can you please stop following Mike?

So this week of course, the competition prize is the magnificent Newbury batting gloves, which can be worn whilst batting, could also be worn whilst going to the shops could also be worn to the pub, possibly not be worn whilst playing the piano or performing micro surgery.

Now, young Mr Gombert's question from last week was so confusing that even he doesn't know what the answer is meant to be.

So everybody from last week has now entered the hat.

And I must be honest, I cannot even remember.

Put your hand down, Mrs.

Watts, thank you, because you won't know the answer because I can't even remember what the question was from last week.

But your cricketing question for this week is this.

Northamptonshire were bowled out for 50 yesterday, which begs the question, what is the lowest county championship team total of all time, Mrs.

Bartholomew?

Please put your hand down.

No, Mrs.

Bartholomew, don't try and whisper the answer to me.

Mrs.

Watts, please, please, please, Mrs.

Watts, you cannot mouth the answer to me either.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So that question.

One more time for everybody.

Northamptonshire were bowled out for 50 yesterday, which begs the question, what is the lowest county championship team total of all time?

And for those who aren't in the congregation, you can of course email your answers to us, SundayserviceCricket at gmail.com or use the old Twitter with at Sundayservice22.

And those from the parish of Newbury have also released a bespoke discount code for members of our parish.

Just use Sundayservice15 and get 15% off at www.newbury.co.uk, excluding bespoke bats, and why not treat yourselves to some premium gear and quality willow.

The umpires have theatrically dislodged the bales from the grooves, and that is stumps for today's service.

Refreshments will be served at the back of the church again, and I look forward to catching up with you there.

There's currently a collection plate going around.

Please do give what you can.

Now, during the week, I'd really love for you to get in touch with us with your own cricketing stories.

Whilst Mr Church and I are as involved in the parish as we can possibly be, we can't keep on top of everything.

So please let us know what you've been up to during the week by emailing us on SundayserviceCricket at gmail.com or messaging us on Twitter at Sundayservice22.

Thank you everybody for coming along to the service today, and if you've enjoyed yourselves, please do tell other members of the parish to come along with you next week and expand our cricketing family.

Thank you to WG Rumblepants and of course to Newbury for their continued support of the service.

This service has been led by George Gompertz and Mark Church.

So until next Sunday, when others around you fall, dig in, dig deep, and never give your wicket away.

Wise words, young Mr.

Gomberts, wise words.

Until next week, bat well everybody.

Bat very, very well.

Goodbye.

Oh hello, Reg.

Hope you enjoyed the service.

Oh no, don't worry.

I know I didn't bore you.

It was it was just a big Saturday night, Reg, I understand.

Yes, I I know it's becoming a bit of a theme for you to fall asleep during the service, but if that's what you need to do, Reg, that's absolutely fine with me.

Look, Reg, we're we're here to provide the service, and it's very nice of you to turn up, and it's great if you listen, but if you if you fall asleep, then you fall asleep.

It's not the end of the world.

Brilliant.

Right, thank you so much, Reg.

I'll see you in the Googly before long, I'm sure.