Friendships That Matter

[SPEAKER_01]: So turn with me to Ecclesiastes chapter four.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, Ecclesiastes come on.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do you know where Ecclesiastes is?

[SPEAKER_01]: All right, it's in the Old Testament.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and it's hiding in there, but you'll find it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just be verses chapter four.

[SPEAKER_01]: Excuse me, verses nine through twelve today.

[SPEAKER_01]: It'll be on the screen if you want to follow this way, and you've probably heard the scripture before.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we're going to go ahead and dive into it says this it says two are better than one Because they have a good reward for their efforts For if either falls his companion can lift him up But pity the one who falls without another to lift him up In other words the person that just wants to do life on their own right don't want no help don't need nobody

[SPEAKER_01]: Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm, but how can one person alone keep warm?

[SPEAKER_01]: And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him.

[SPEAKER_01]: A chord of three strands is not easily broken.

[SPEAKER_01]: So we talked about a lot of things over the last couple of weeks and we're going to wrap it up today talking about our friends specifically and so if you're taking notes this morning the title of today's message is friendships that matter friendships that matter amen

[SPEAKER_01]: All right, let's pray, Father, we thank you, Lord, for your Word, we thank you, Father God, for teaching us a new thing today, a fresh thing today, God.

[SPEAKER_01]: Lord, when it comes to the area of our relationships, specifically, our friendships today, God, we want to do it your way.

[SPEAKER_01]: We want to do it your way.

[SPEAKER_01]: We want to surround ourselves with the right people.

[SPEAKER_01]: that will edify us and encourage us and help us and lift us up when we need it.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, Father, we thank you, Lord, for the people that you have surrounded us with God, and Lord, we thank you for the friends that you have put in our lives.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we thank you that today is a day where we can evaluate the people around us and Lord God that you can help us to navigate our relationships, help us to navigate our friendships so we can make wise.

[SPEAKER_01]: decisions.

[SPEAKER_01]: We thank you, Lord for it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Jesus name everybody said, Amen.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hallelujah.

[SPEAKER_01]: All right, so I just want to begin by saying this today, because I found this to be so true in my life and maybe you've discovered this as well, but how much you grow and how far you go is not just determined by who you are and what you have and the things that you can do and all that kind of stuff, but it's equally impacted by who you're connected with.

[SPEAKER_01]: How far you're going to go in life and how much you're going to grow is connected to who you're connected with.

[SPEAKER_01]: And everyone these days talks about and you've heard it tossed around and there's nothing wrong with it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's great, but you've heard it tossed around emotional intelligence.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I believe emotional intelligence, as much as that's important and it's good.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just as important to live with relational intelligence.

[SPEAKER_01]: So kind of know what you're doing in the area of your relationships, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Because I believe if we don't, we can find our self being ran over by people or harmed by people discouraged by people, backstab by people, you know, whatever it may be.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because here may church relationship management, isn't just relationship management, it's life management.

[SPEAKER_01]: The people that you surround yourself with are doing life with you, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, Jesus understood this, Jesus chose 12 men to do life with him to watch everything that he did to be with him at all times, literally at all times.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he had them as friends, he brought him in as brothers and he taught him how to do life, he taught him how to do ministry, to do the things that God was calling him to do, the

[SPEAKER_01]: And one of the most important relationships you will ever have in your life is your friendships.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I can tell you that in love today, not everybody is supposed to be your friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's tough.

[SPEAKER_01]: We don't like the areas like, you know, well, God tells us to live everybody.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, true.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're supposed to love everybody.

[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't mean we get close to everybody.

[SPEAKER_00]: Right?

[SPEAKER_01]: But we have to be careful who we surround ourselves with and not every single person is meant to be your friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think, unfortunately, we tossed the word friend around way too much, you know, especially with people at the end of the day who aren't even our friends, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: You may have 2,000 friends on Facebook.

[SPEAKER_01]: But when's the last time, even half of those people talk to you, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like, you know, when's the last time you can actually, you know, engage with those people.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so how we, you know, how do we develop true genuine friendship?

[SPEAKER_01]: How do we develop true genuine friends?

[SPEAKER_01]: How do we know

[SPEAKER_01]: who's in our corner so to speak and who's not.

[SPEAKER_01]: How do we pick and how do we determine who is supposed to be close to us and who is supposed to be more so at a distant from us?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll tell you this first that there is no area in your life that is directly and even indirectly more impactful than your relationships.

[SPEAKER_01]: Literally every area of your life is impacted by your relationships and your relational decisions.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so if you think about your emotional life for just a second, some of your most draining, most challenging things that you've gone through is a connection to some sort of relational issue.

[SPEAKER_01]: Some of the most emotional, distressing things you have ever experienced is probably because of a relationship or a result of something going on in a relationship.

[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it was a breakup, maybe it was betrayal, maybe it's grief, maybe you just lost somebody.

[SPEAKER_01]: But some of our greatest joys, but also our greatest pains are directly connected to our relationships.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now this is what I've learned when it comes to relationships specifically when it comes to friendships that the people in your life will either make deposits or they'll make withdrawals.

[SPEAKER_01]: They'll make deposits or they'll make withdrawals.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not just looking for a friend in my life that all they do is pull pull pull from me and never give back to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not talking about money, saying in all ways,

[SPEAKER_01]: If all they ever do is pull from you and drain the life from you and never give back to you then I question if that's a good friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: If it's a good suit to have a good friend, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: But in our friendships you should be able to deposit as much as you can withdraw

[SPEAKER_01]: that if you're needing something, if you're needing help, whatever it may be, you can pull on that person, but then when they are going through something and they need help or whatever, you can give back time and help and prayer and all those things back to them the way that they did for you.

[SPEAKER_01]: That would be to me a good friendship.

[SPEAKER_01]: But if somebody is just sucking the life out of me all the time and never is giving back then I don't know if they're really a friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I could really call them a friend or I should call them a friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, we need people in our lives who will not just take from us, but will also make deposits back into us, amen?

[SPEAKER_01]: I tried my very hardest with people that I call friend to make sure that I'm in some sort of communication with them.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, at least once a week, or making some sort of deposits in the people's lives because I don't want to just take all the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to give.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so relational management is so important therefore it has to become a life skill.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's true, your friendships impact your life more than a lot of other things do.

[SPEAKER_01]: So who you choose to connect with as a friend is consequential.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be consequentially good or it's unfortunately going to be consequently bad.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think we've all experienced friendships in our lives that went south, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, is there any real people in here?

[SPEAKER_01]: Where you thought they were your friend until they weren't, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: You thought that they were your friend until they said something to you, that hurt you, or back stabbed you, or misled you, or mistreated you,

[SPEAKER_01]: And so who we surround ourselves with, we have to be so mindful of it because we don't want us around ourselves with people who were potentially looking at some bad consequences to being connected to them.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll be the first to admit that I've allowed people to come into my life that I've chosen to say that we're my friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: that I probably should have never had.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we all can probably say that.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it resulted in consequently bad results, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And so we need to avoid that from happening.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we need to be able to navigate friendships with intelligence, have some wisdom behind who we choose to surround ourselves with and choose wisely.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll say it this way.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this is in a sound silly, but this is the way I got it this week, what I was studying is you know you can you can paint you know white stripes on a black wolf all day long and you can say, oh, that's a zebra now.

[SPEAKER_01]: But at the end of the day, it is an zebra, it's still a wolf.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can call somebody whatever you want to call them by making up whatever it is.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, they're a good person there this there that and you can try to paint the picture all day long.

[SPEAKER_01]: But at the end of the day, they still may be a wolf.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there are people that will come into your life that at first it's like, oh man, I wanna really connect with them, I wanna get to know them.

[SPEAKER_01]: But then as you start diving deeper, you start getting some red flags and you start seeing some things that aren't good and that can potentially cause harm to you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And oftentimes what we do is we don't use relational intelligence, and we say, well, they're still just a good person.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll give them grace.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll see if things will get better.

[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I won't see any more red flags.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then all of a sudden we're now invested deeper into a relationship that we should have never gotten into.

[SPEAKER_01]: And before you know it, those red flags that we saw about them, all of a sudden, now we are experiencing it firsthand.

[SPEAKER_01]: So relational intelligence is very, very important.

[SPEAKER_01]: Who we choose to surround ourselves with?

[SPEAKER_01]: And so a lot of our relational frustrations and such common we invest into people that we call one thing and the expectation we have isn't fulfilled or met.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so today if you're taking notes,

[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of want to give you just two things that I believe are important for you when you're in the area of your relationships, specifically your friendships today.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's two things to look for in the friendship, okay?

[SPEAKER_01]: Two things to look for when you're looking for a friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And number one is this if we'll put it on the screen is uncorruptable character.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then I don't want to be necessarily that connected with them.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm looking for people in my life that are of good character, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: That really are who they say they are.

[SPEAKER_01]: That whatever they say they are, that it lines up, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And that it makes sense.

[SPEAKER_01]: You become who you walk with.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because the people you walk with in the present will impact who you'll be in the future.

[SPEAKER_01]: Who you surround yourself with right now will directly impact who you will become later on.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so I've said this a million times.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I say it again, when it comes to this,

[SPEAKER_01]: More than likely, you're going to find yourself in that same situation.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's all you surround yourself with.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right?

[SPEAKER_01]: If you surround yourself with people who are mean and angry and bitter and act that kind of way all the time,

[SPEAKER_01]: Eventually, you're going to start looking like that, too.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no, I'm a good person.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, you will, because it rubs off, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just like, I mean, you can go into one friend circle and you can feel some kind of way, and maybe it's good.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's great.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can walk into another friend circle, and it's like, ooh, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, who are, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: Or are these people I feel, I feel yucky or I feel sad or down or I don't feel the same around a certain group of people that do somebody else, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's very spiritual, but it's also just making the right choices and deciding who you're going to be connected to.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to read 1 Corinthians chapter 15, 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verse 33 and says this,

1 Corinthians 15 · chapter mention 1 Corinthians 15:33

[SPEAKER_01]: That's pretty firm right there.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do not be deceived.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bad company corrupts good morals.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bad company corrupts good morals.

[SPEAKER_01]: In other words, bad character corrupts good character.

[SPEAKER_01]: You could say, well, you know, I'll fix them.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll get them right.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll do this.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: No.

[SPEAKER_01]: The last time I checked, we're nobody's savior.

[SPEAKER_01]: There is only one savior.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's Jesus Christ, the hope of glory.

[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, amen.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now God can use you in the area of leading somebody to the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: We know that.

[SPEAKER_01]: God can use you to be an impact in somebody's life and to speak life over them and all of those kind of things.

[SPEAKER_01]: But do not be deceived.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because bad company will corrupt, good morals.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can say, oh, I'm a good person.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: I do this.

[SPEAKER_01]: I will never do this.

[SPEAKER_01]: I will never do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you can surround yourself with the wrong people.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it will corrupt your good character.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just truth.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, why would it say, in that scripture there, why would it say the first part, do not be deceived?

[SPEAKER_01]: because it's possible to be unaware that a relationship, a friendship, you have is not what you think it really is.

[SPEAKER_01]: He says, do not be deceived.

[SPEAKER_01]: Don't allow the deception of the world, the deception of the enemy, to trick you up to believing that that company is good company.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because whether you understand it or not, everyone you call friend is not your friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone you call friend is not a good friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it said, don't be deceived because bad company, bad friends, corrupts, good morals, or we could say good character.

[SPEAKER_01]: Which means it is possible for your good character to be impacted by somebody's bad character.

[SPEAKER_01]: Otherwise, the Scripture wouldn't be there.

[SPEAKER_01]: We would be free, if you will, to connect ourselves with whoever we wanted to connect to at any given time without any kind of consequences.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the Lord says, hold on, wait a second, don't be deceived.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I've been able to leave her for 30 years.

[SPEAKER_01]: There ain't no way, no.

[SPEAKER_01]: Don't be deceived, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And that word corrupts there is the Greek word that I'm not even a try to say, but we'll put it on the screen if it's the word on the screen form of there.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's that word right there in the middle.

[SPEAKER_01]: That is like,

[SPEAKER_01]: far from anything we've ever learned in English class like how do you even say that?

[SPEAKER_01]: But it means to bring into a worse state to destroy.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's what it means in the original Greek language as we read the scripture, do not be deceived bad company corrupts.

[SPEAKER_01]: good morals, bad company will bring you into a worst state, will destroy your good morals.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so if you surround yourself with friends that are a bad character, scripture teaches us that we ourselves can find ourselves being brought into a destructive state because of that relationship.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so here me loud and clear this morning church.

[SPEAKER_01]: Corruption doesn't typically happen instantaneously, but corruption typically happens over time.

[SPEAKER_01]: Things become corrupt over time.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the relationship can become corrupt over time.

[SPEAKER_01]: The character can become corrupt over time.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just like a car battery that gets corroded.

[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't happen overnight.

[SPEAKER_01]: A battery cannot corrode overnight.

[SPEAKER_01]: It happens over time.

[SPEAKER_01]: It happens over months of time where you don't ever open your hood, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Because you just assume everything is good because the car turned on, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And then all of a sudden one day you get in, you go, wait a second, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And you open up the hood and you find out that you got a bad battery.

[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe nothing made that battery bad, but over time it got worse, over time the corrosion got to it.

[SPEAKER_01]: In other words, over time some of our friendships that you have that might not be the best for you will rub off on you.

[SPEAKER_01]: So what do we want in our friendships?

[SPEAKER_01]: We want to surround ourselves with people that have unshakable character.

[SPEAKER_01]: uncorruptable character.

[SPEAKER_01]: Character that sticks.

[SPEAKER_01]: Character that, that, again, they, who they say they are is exactly who they are.

[SPEAKER_01]: What they say that they're going to do, that they keep to their word, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and it's the people that are a friend that will immediately say, let's pray, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Or those text back a prayer or they'll, whatever, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: I know who I can go to for prayer based on the friendships that I have that I know that people that will pray for me in that moment.

[SPEAKER_01]: A person that says, oh, I'll be praying for you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if they're my friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: because a true friend would drop anything that they have going in a moment and say, let's pray right now, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Let's come into agreement right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't wanna ever be the friend that said, that if somebody comes to me with an issue and something's happening and, you know, whatever, that I'll be praying for you.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, like, let's do it right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, let's go before the father right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let's take care of business right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let me show you how much I care about you right now, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I believe that is what a good friend would do.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's somebody of good character.

[SPEAKER_01]: That has uncorruptible character.

[SPEAKER_01]: That isn't so much concern about themselves in a moment as they are you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to be around people who care as much about me as they do for themselves.

[SPEAKER_01]: In likewise, I want to do that for others.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to care for others as much as I care about me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to be able to pour out love and blessings and all the kind of things to people that I surround myself with before receiving any of that back.

[SPEAKER_01]: I shouldn't have an expectation to get

[SPEAKER_01]: But I should only ever give knowing that the people that God has trusted around me that I've chosen to surround myself with will give back unto me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, no, they don't have to be perfect.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, they don't have to have their lives altogether because none of us do.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we want to surround ourselves with people who are consistent.

[SPEAKER_01]: They're steady.

[SPEAKER_01]: They're unshakable in the relationship that they have with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Who they are is who they are no matter what.

[SPEAKER_01]: So if you go to them and say, man, I really messed up.

[SPEAKER_01]: They won't turn around and blast you on social media.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or they won't go texting everybody in their phone.

[SPEAKER_01]: Can you believe what Maria just said?

[SPEAKER_01]: But they will say, hold on, let's talk about it, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's the kind of friendships we need in our lives because your friend's character can become your personal crisis.

[SPEAKER_01]: Their bad character can become a personal crisis in your life.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so you gotta look for consistency in their character.

[SPEAKER_01]: People who are the same, no matter where they're at or who they're in front of.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you ever known people that as soon as they get in front of somebody else, they start acting differently, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe you're really close to them, but all of a sudden they get around a group of people and it's like you no longer exist.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, wait a second, like, you know, like, don't aren't we, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: And people do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: They will flip just like this, just based on who's around them.

[SPEAKER_01]: If I call somebody my friend, and we go, and we engage with somebody else, I don't want to become the guy behind the scenes.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to still be the friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like walking up to somebody that you've never met before and you're with, you're with, you're friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, hey, what's up, man?

[SPEAKER_01]: How you doing?

[SPEAKER_01]: If they don't introduce you to them, it's awkward.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, hey, you know, just here.

[SPEAKER_01]: But a good friend would be like, hey, man, this is Zach.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is Zach.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's awesome.

[SPEAKER_01]: You got to me Zach.

[SPEAKER_01]: Zach.

[SPEAKER_01]: Me Josh.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[SPEAKER_01]: And like, otherwise, it's like, man, you kind of think to yourself, like, am I really their friend?

[SPEAKER_01]: They all of a sudden changed who they are because they were around somebody else.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm still here, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: So it makes you really second guest things, but somebody of consistent character would not do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Can I get water, please?

[SPEAKER_01]: Would not do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they will navigate the relationship with a good heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they will navigate the relationship being willing and wanting to pour out to you as much as you pour out to them.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so because if they're a good person, you don't have to worry about them being a good person to you.

[SPEAKER_01]: If they're a good person, you won't have to worry about them being a good person to you.

[SPEAKER_01]: You will find out very quickly.

[SPEAKER_01]: When you need prayer, your family is going through something or you're dealing with a situation or an impossible situation or whatever it may be.

[SPEAKER_01]: You will find out pretty quickly, thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what, something got a little tickle.

[SPEAKER_01]: All right, turn to somebody and say, you're such a good person.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're such a good person.

[SPEAKER_01]: I heard a few people say you're a good friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: That was good.

[SPEAKER_01]: That was smart.

[SPEAKER_01]: All right.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, say that again.

[SPEAKER_01]: Turn to that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Turn that person.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're a good friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: All right.

[SPEAKER_01]: Praise the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: So number one is uncorruptible character.

[SPEAKER_01]: Number two is this.

[SPEAKER_01]: So what we're looking for is this unconditional love.

[SPEAKER_01]: Unconditional love.

[SPEAKER_01]: Somebody that will love you.

[SPEAKER_01]: No matter what.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and that's big, that's big.

[SPEAKER_01]: They will love you even if they don't agree with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hello, come on, because you know,

[SPEAKER_01]: We've had friendships before, we've all experienced this where all of a sudden you disagree and it's like knives came out and you're no longer friends again.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, whoa, why is it got to be that way, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we can agree to disagree and still be cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's right, that's what I'm getting.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right?

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to read this powerful scripture.

[SPEAKER_01]: John chapter 15, we've been taught, I mean,

John 15 · chapter mention

[SPEAKER_01]: There's all about love this morning, what God did during worship.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to talk about that for just a second.

[SPEAKER_01]: John chapter 15, we're going to read verses 12 through 17.

John 15 · chapter mention

[SPEAKER_01]: And I love this scripture you've all heard it before.

[SPEAKER_01]: So this is my command, love one another as I have loved you.

[SPEAKER_01]: No one has greater love than this that someone would lay down his life for his friends.

[SPEAKER_01]: You are my friends.

[SPEAKER_01]: Come on in that so great.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus calls you his friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: Come on in that good, you should have.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's so good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, when I feel like I don't got no friends, no, I got a friend, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And his name is Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hallelujah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because you are my friends, if you do what I command you, I do not call you slaves anymore, because the slave doesn't know what his master is doing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my father.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: You did not choose me, but I chose you.

[SPEAKER_01]: He chose to be your friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, somebody.

[SPEAKER_01]: I appointed you that you should go out and produce fruit, and that your fruit should remain.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that whatever you ask in the Father's and Father, whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give you.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is what I command you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Love one another.

[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, somebody say that I love one another.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I know it's not, it's not always easy to love everybody.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know it's hard when people harm you or people say stuff about you or whatever it may be.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know it's difficult at times to still love them.

[SPEAKER_01]: But he says, this is the command that I give you that you love one another.

[SPEAKER_01]: the same way that I love you, that I'm choosing you as my friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then amazing that God would say this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, as I'm choosing you as my friend, I'm telling you, like, the one thing that I need you to do is to love one another, love one another.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now look at what Proverbs 17, 17 says,

[SPEAKER_01]: It says, a friend loves at all times.

[SPEAKER_01]: And a brother is born for a difficult time.

[SPEAKER_01]: A friend loves at all times.

[SPEAKER_01]: It don't matter what that time is.

[SPEAKER_01]: It could be a season of hurt and pain.

[SPEAKER_01]: It could be a season of heartache.

[SPEAKER_01]: It could be a season of ups and it's joyful and it's great, but a friend loves at all times.

[SPEAKER_01]: No matter the time, no matter the situation, no matter what season you find yourself with, a friend will love you at all times.

[SPEAKER_01]: So when you think about your friendships and who you have chosen to surround yourself with and you look at that scripture, can you accurately say, yes, the people that I call friend match what this scripture says, that they love me at all times.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not when I can just do something for them, not when I can just provide for them.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not when I could just open up my life and my world and whatever not just those times but at all times.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so when we talk about love, we're actually talking about the kind of love that is mentioned in the Bible.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's the agape love, agape love.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we've all heard that word used before.

[SPEAKER_01]: You've all heard it in church before, agape love.

[SPEAKER_01]: is unconditional, and it's a sacrificial love.

[SPEAKER_01]: Meaning it's a kind of love that has no strings attached.

[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, no strings attached.

[SPEAKER_01]: Cause I don't know about you, but I've had people say, well, you know, yeah, I'll do that for you or whatever, if you, it's like wait a second, why are there strings attached to this relationship?

[SPEAKER_01]: And Jesus doesn't do that with us like he chooses to love us and become our friend no matter what.

[SPEAKER_01]: He says, I choose you as my friend like there is an unconditional love even when you are making the wrong choices.

[SPEAKER_01]: even when you are in sin, or even when you're making mistakes, or even when you're doing something, you're not supposed to.

[SPEAKER_01]: I still choose you as my friend because I love you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's unconditional.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, how many people can we say would say that same thing about us?

[SPEAKER_01]: And like, even if we do something so foolish that they say, you know what, that was foolish, but I love you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to stick with you, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: That is what Agape Love is, it's unconditional.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not a romantic love, but it's a love that is so, that is not dependent on anything, but it's just a love that loves no matter what.

[SPEAKER_01]: And hear me, Agape isn't a feeling,

[SPEAKER_01]: Agape is an emotion.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a decision.

[SPEAKER_01]: Agape is a decision.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not just affection.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's an action.

[SPEAKER_01]: Unconditional love is a commitment that says, I'm going to love you regardless of how I feel about you right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hello.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like regardless, I'm going to love you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you see, when people don't truly love you, they'll only be good to you as long as they feel good about you.

[SPEAKER_01]: When they don't truly love you, they'll only feel good about you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or she may, they'll only feel good to you as long as they feel good about you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And what I've come to discover is that people will love you when you say yes, but the second you say no,

[SPEAKER_01]: They're gone, they're done, peace, see you later.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's true.

[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, is it not that they're there?

[SPEAKER_01]: Every time you say yes, but the second you say no, whoa, whoa.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's not the kind of friendship I'm looking for.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to be able to say no to somebody.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right, and they still love me, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like I want to be able to, I want to be able to decline an invitation and they not get mad and offended.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right, I mean, think about it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like people get all uptight about the silliest of things.

[SPEAKER_01]: Relationships get severed friendships, get severed people that were friends for years and years and years, all of a sudden no longer a friends because of one no.

[SPEAKER_01]: Of all the million yeses they gave, and one no, and it breaks the whole thing apart.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not looking for that in the area of friendships.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like I want to be able to say no, and that be accepted just as much as my yeses accepted.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right?

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to be able to attend every single thing that you have going on.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just like you can't with me, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay?

[SPEAKER_01]: We know that, we agree to that.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's mutual, done and over with, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, come on, we've all experienced these things before in relationships.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, if they only value you for what you can do for them,

[SPEAKER_01]: then they will never value who you are.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want people to just value me for what I can do for them.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want them to value who I am, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Just as much as when I would call somebody my friend, I don't call them my friend because what they can do for me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I call them my friend because of who they are, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus said the same thing, we read the scripture.

[SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't call us a friend because of the things that we can do.

[SPEAKER_01]: He calls us his friend because it's who we are, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And so, if they only value you for what you can do for them, that's a red flag.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's the type of love that is conditional and not unconditional.

[SPEAKER_01]: So many people will call you, friend, and then you turn around whenever you need them, and they're not there.

[SPEAKER_01]: The true friend says no matter what, I'm by your side, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I know like for us personally, like we've experienced stuff in our lives and when we were going through a real bad storm

[SPEAKER_01]: And I shot a text to Pastor Jordan and Pastor Devondray and Melissa will tell you, I mean, middle of the night, they come driving Pastor Jordan all the way from Frisco and his wife all the way to our house, you know, to sit with us and encourage us and pray with us and help us.

[SPEAKER_01]: If they were going through something terrible in contact to me, I would do the same thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: getting my car and go, I don't care about my sleep, I care about who they are, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember that that that changed the whole dynamic of our friendship with them because all of a sudden they became somebody that was so much closer.

[SPEAKER_01]: I remember during that same season of time,

[SPEAKER_01]: We were having a real rough night and we called Robert and Jen and in the middle of the night, the middle of the night.

[SPEAKER_01]: They came over to our house and came and just spent time with us and loved on us.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that changed the whole trajectory of our friendship with them, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, those are the type of relationships.

[SPEAKER_01]: that if I need to call a friend, my friend's gonna answer.

[SPEAKER_01]: If I need a friend that they're gonna be there, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Just as much as somebody would want that from me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's so important because I think that we put all of these conditions on our relationships and the friendships that we have.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we make it, you scratch my back, I'll scratch your worst type thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's how we see our friendships, and that's how we base our relationships with people that, yeah, they'll do this for me, if I do this for them, or whatever it may be, and that is not, I believe the way that God even tended our closest friends to even look like.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like Jesus was close enough to the disciples that when he said, I want you to stay right here in pray and they fell asleep remember and he came back.

[SPEAKER_01]: He was close enough to them that he can say, hey, you knuckleheads, wake up.

[SPEAKER_01]: You were supposed to be praying.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can only imagine Jesus kind of kicked them and like wake up, slap him inside the head.

[SPEAKER_01]: Somebody say, oh, not my Jesus, he's too sweet.

[SPEAKER_01]: He might have gotten really upset in that moment.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he had to wake them up and say, what are you doing?

[SPEAKER_01]: And he had to correct them, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, he was close enough to them as a friend and vice versa.

[SPEAKER_01]: They could receive that from him and wake up the next morning and move on.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I got kicked in the butt by Jesus last night, but that's okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're still friends today, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And like, that's what, that's what I would hope that we would look for in our relationships that even if we're real dumb, we say something dumb or do something dumb and our friend has to kick us, you know, to get a hold of us, that that's okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because we want to keep, you know, ourselves accountable to one another, you know, I'm not just looking for somebody who's going to just always, you know, clap me up all the

[SPEAKER_01]: I need someone who's going to say, probably shouldn't say that.

[SPEAKER_01]: You probably shouldn't act like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: You probably shouldn't do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: You probably shouldn't post that on Facebook.

[SPEAKER_01]: You probably should take that down.

[SPEAKER_01]: I need people like that in my life, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, just like my wife.

[SPEAKER_01]: The Lord knew what he was doing when he put Melissa and I together, because many of times Melissa was like, Melissa would be like, hey, take that Facebook post down, or she'd say, delete that text, you know, or whatever, yes, ma'am, and she knew she knew.

[SPEAKER_01]: But that's what I need in a friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to just have a good time and it always be fun all the time and people say hype or hype all the time and this and that, like I want it to be in no matter where I'm at, no matter what I'm doing, there's some sort of value there, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: with your nose as much as they're okay with your yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: And what you need in a friend is someone who will love you without any additional conditions.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not, we're not typing up and agreeing to some sort of contract here when we become friends.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's no terms here.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's no term limits, you know, like we are agreeing

[SPEAKER_01]: And we're going to state connected, as long as the Lord allows it to be so, but that all comes by having relational intelligence, being wise and who you choose to surround yourself with.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening to today's message.

[SPEAKER_00]: We pray you were inspired, challenged, and marked by the word you heard.

[SPEAKER_00]: If this message blessed you today, we encourage you to subscribe to the Church of the City Podcast.

[SPEAKER_00]: There you can find more faith-filled messages to uplift you and help you on your journey of faith.

[SPEAKER_00]: For more information about Church of the City, head on over to www.cotcdfw.com.

[SPEAKER_00]: And until next time, remember this, the best is yet to come.