When Parenting Becomes Damage Control Deuteronomy 21:10-21

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all right kids let's go [Music]

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please thank you forever [Music]

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we're friends

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thank you foreign [Music]

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will help me change [Music]

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thank you

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[Music] thank you

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[Applause] the title of today's sermon is two cases

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when parenting becomes damage control and then

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subtitled and yet here we are okay

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the truth is that moms and dads who raise children first of all take a huge

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risk I don't know if you've noticed that or not but there's often a debate that

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goes on especially in young families about whether or not to bring children into the world the truth is the world is a dangerous place there once you start

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that roller coaster ride of raising children it can be really scary and you never

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quite know what's going to happen you could have a child that's born with a birth defect you could have a child that

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gets a disease a month or a year or five years into their life you could wind up

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with caring for an autistic child or a child that can't walk or a child that

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has struggles in understanding you when you talk to them all of those things race through the minds of parents when

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they're contemplating having children and then unfortunately some of those

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exact circumstances which I described and many others may come to fruition once you begin parenting

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there are two cases in particular particular In this passage of scripture that we're going to read where the Bible

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talks about doing damage control and none of those cases I just listed are

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actually included the truth is that sometimes in life people have diseases they have ailments

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whatever they are no less valuable as a human being in fact most parents who are raising children

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who have hurdles greatly enjoy the presence of their

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children they are grateful for it I've known a number of parents of autistic children for example who love their

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child just the same as any other child maybe more so in some ways they could and they spend time with them and they they see a developing personality and

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they are affected as a person and it's an awesome experience and so the things that scare us most when we're

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contemplating having children those are not the things as much as we might think that they are

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they're not the things that might press us most okay so grab your bibles

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if you would maybe give me a who to holler amen is we're going to go again today to Deuteronomy chapter 21. amen

Deuteronomy 21 · chapter mention

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this is God's word so we're going to read one through nine again it's the

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text that we read and looked at and preached out of last Sunday and we're going to read it briefly I'm

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not going to break it down for you again so if you weren't here last Sunday I apologize if there's anything in there if there is you can catch me later if

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there's anything you need to ask about or anything like that but we're going to um read it

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again and actually we're going to begin in one we're

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actually going to read all the way through 21 so we'll read the 21 through 9 we did the week before last 10 through

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14 we did last week and we're starting today in 15 okay if a slain person is

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found lying in the open country in the land which the Lord your God gives you to possess it

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and it is not known who has struck him then your elders and your judges shall go out and measure the distance to the

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cities which are around the slain and it shall be that the city which is nearest to the slain man that is the Elders of

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that City shall take a heifer of the herd which has not been worked and which is not pulled in a yoke and the Elders

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of the city shall bring the heifer down to a valley with running water which has not been plowed or sown and shall break

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the heifer's neck there in the valley then the priests and the sons of Levi shall come near for the Lord your God

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has chosen them to serve him and to bless in the name of the Lord and every dispute and every assault shall be settled by them and all the Elders of

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that city which is nearest to the same man shall wash their hands over the heifer whose neck was broken in

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the valley and they shall answer and say our hands have not shed his this Blood nor did our eyes see it forgive thy

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People Israel whom thou Hast redeemed O Lord and do not place the guilt of innocent blood in the midst of the thy

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People Israel and the blood guiltiness shall be forgiven them so you shall remove the

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guilt of innocent blood from your midst then you do what is right in the eyes of the Lord okay so before I go any further

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just remember that out of that we realize that there there is a blood guiltiness that can come on a person

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that is not their fault it's not a thing that they did okay just being in proximity could bring that blood

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guiltiness on them and they were they were showing that they did not kill the man they did not know anything about who killed the man but they were cleansing

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themselves and the rest of Israel essentially as Representatives of the blood guiltiness that could come

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on them even though they are not the ones who did it okay now verse 10 says this is from last week when you go out

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to battle against your enemies and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take them away captive and

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see among the captives a beautiful woman and have a desire for her and will take her as a wife for yourself then you

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shall bring her home to your house and she shall shave her head and trim her nails

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she shall also remove the clothes of her captivity and shall remain in your house and More in her father and mother of

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full month and after that you may go to into her and be her husband and she shall be your wife and it shall be if

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you are not pleased with her then you shall let her go wherever she wishes but you shall certainly not sell her for

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money you shall not mistreat her because you have humbled her and out of that last week we talked about this is the

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sermon where it says hold hold gently let go right talk about how you can add

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things to yourself we are Victor so we take captive things that's what we do and we can add that to yourself and then

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you may figure out that it's not really meant for you and you have to let it go we talked about that last week

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so in looking at these two texts before we read the next one I want you to understand that these two texts propose

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damage control do you follow that Larry you served on ship in the Navy

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did your ship have damage control teams was your ship ever damaged why to have damage control teams

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yeah so to stop the damage from happening okay and also if the damage did happen to have somebody right away

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to respond to it right okay so these two texts are largely about damage control

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and the next one we're looking at is also about damage control and it will show us how in certain cases parenting

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is largely damage control in fact if either one of those two previous cases were the case you would need the damage

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control that was previously described and now we're going to see how we might need it in two specific cases it says in

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15 if a man has two wives the one loved and the other unloved and

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both the loved and the unloved have borne him Sons as the firstborn son belongs to the unloved then it shall be

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in the day he Wills what he has to his sons he cannot make the son of the loved the firstborn before the son of the

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unloved who is the firstborn but he shall acknowledge the firstborn the son of the unloved by giving him a

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double portion of all that he has for he is the beginning of his strength to him belongs the right of the

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firstborn okay so let's be real clear what we have going on here we have a man who has two wives okay we'll talk about

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that in a minute don't don't get wrapped up in it too much right now but bottom line we get a situation a man has two

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wives and he favors one wife over the other I love her I have my heart yearns

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for her she's the one I want this is my wife also by legal standards

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but I don't love her the way I love this wife but this wife who is my wife by legal standards

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whom I don't love as much as I love this wife gave me my firstborn son and so by All rights he would be my Heir but I

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don't love her the way I love her so I choose this son over here was born say

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two years later it might have been six months later even right because it's a different woman I choose to make him my

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firstborn son even though he is technically my firstborn son because I love this wife and by the way when you

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love your wife and the men in this room can attest this that are married when you love your wife whatever your wife might request you

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tend to want to give it to her doesn't matter what it is even if it's completely unreasonable you might go well that's the stupidest thing I ever

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heard and yet there is a part of you that might go no I want to do that right

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um so if your loved wife has a son who is your

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second born son or even third or whatever and she wants her son to be the firstborn to inherit you might want to

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give it to her because you love her right okay so that's the situation that we have then we're gonna go just a

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little bit further in the text Verse 18 If any man has a stubborn and

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rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother and when they chastise him he

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will not even listen to them then his father and mother shall seize him that means take hold him in the word there is

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like take hold of him by the arm and they'll bring him out to the elders and the word there is to compel him to come

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in front of the elders at the Gateway of his hometown and they shall say to the Elders of the

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city this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious

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this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious he will not obey us he is a

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glutton and a drunkard then all the men of this city shall Stone him to death okay real quick I

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want you to see a couple things there first of all we're not dealing with a child are we okay A Child an eight-year-old for

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example would not be called uh he would not be called a glutton or he

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would not be called a drunkard he would not be called uh stubborn and rebellious Beyond hope all right so we know we're

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dealing with someone that is old enough to be considered responsible for their actions

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right but not old enough to be out from underneath their parents control

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so you decide in our society what that means for the teenagers in the room that probably hurts a little bit because now

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what we're talking about is somebody Aaron could you do me a favor could you grab that remote and adjust that yeah

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thank you um anyway so if you're a teenager in the room or when your child is a teenager

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you realize that it starts to happen we give a quick parenting 101 and you guys already know everything I'm about to say so it's okay but I'm going to do it for

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the teenagers in the room and the young people who are not parents yet when a teenager becomes a teenager parenting

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shifts shape okay when you deal with an eight-year-old or a nine-year-old you tell them what to do and they do it

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that's it right and if they don't do it then there's a whooping there's a ground and there's a whatever right and when

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you get into the teenager realm it's different isn't it all right now you tell them what to do

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and if they hesitate you have a problem because maybe your boy or your girl it's

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a little old to be getting a whooping what are you going to do right so you shift modes and you say okay I'm asking

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will you do this will you take out the garbage please and they say yeah I'll do it and then they don't do it now there's

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ramifications right because they made a commitment they didn't keep it or you asked can we take out the garbage please

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and they say no I don't want to take off the garbage you say okay now I'm telling you take out the garbage so there's a

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difference because number one they're learning to make decisions now so they have to learn to make a decision with

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the different impetus that they're given so have to decide to do the right thing it's not good enough anymore to just always be told to do the right thing

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because soon they're going to be an adult and they're going to have to decide to do the right thing on their own when you're not there to tell them right so you're teaching them now to

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make the right decisions you ask first then and say yes and they don't do it now there's ramifications or they say no

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then you shift most okay take the garbage I asked you nicely now I'm telling you take it out all right and

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then they still don't now there's ramifications but there's the ramifications are not going to be the same thing with the teenager that they

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would be with a child because again they're getting a little too old to have their butt whipped right a little too old to have certain things done so now

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it's we take the garbage out no okay now I'm telling you to take the garbage out okay

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still don't take the garbage out so you take the garbage out then later they come and they say can I use the car it's like no why not because

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I ask you to take the garbage out and you wouldn't do it if I ask you to do something you don't do it then I'm not going to do whatever can I play video

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games no I took your video game out of your out of your room what you took my video games why would you do that because I asked you to take the garbage

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out and you're busy playing your video games so you're not responsible enough to do what I ask you to do you're not responsible enough times video games it

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changes shape okay teenagers are held accountable for what they do they have to be because soon they're going to be

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an adult so that's what we're talking about here what it was like for them in the exact age is probably a little older

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they didn't really become considered adult males and could stand on their own until they were almost 30 right and

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unfortunately it's getting to be kind of like that in the United States of America now with some in some places but the bottom line is if you have an adult

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child or young adult child who's becoming responsible and you can say of them look they're rebellious and

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stubborn he is a glutton and a drunkard now notice it only says he here but this

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probably did apply to females as well it says you take him to the city gate to

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the Elders of the city and you present the case and then it says then all the men of the

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city shall Stone him to death so you shall remove the evil from your

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midst and all Israel shall hear of it and fear

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and we'll stop there with the text for the day so if we're talking about damage control

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first thing I want you to see in here is uh and yet here we are

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listen you may love your child and do everything you possibly can do to raise your child and do the best for them you

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possibly can and it just may not work turn out exactly the way you would have liked okay and you may have the marriage

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you may even have I guarantee you remember if they followed the what God advised them to do about taking a wife

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from a prisoner right so you got a wife and then you go out and you conquer a city and you find another woman that you

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like to make your wife and so you make her your wife and you follow all the necessary steps you should not arrive should not have arrived in a place where

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you had two wise one loved and one unloved but but here you are so what are you going to do about it

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right now before I go any further I think I would be remiss to ask you do you know what God's design for marriage

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is I think most of the married people in this room do right how many wives do you get

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one right Jesus says in Mark chapter 10 he said it this way Mark chapter 10 at

Mark 10 · chapter mention Mark 10 · chapter mention

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the beginning it says uh and rising up he went from there went from there to the region of Judea and Beyond the

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Jordan and crowds gathered around him again and according to his custom he once more began to teach them and some

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Pharisees came up to him testing him and began to question him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife and

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he answered and said to them what did Moses command you catch the what he asks exactly what did

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Moses command you and they said Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send

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her away that would be the third part of what we talked about last week the let her go right but Jesus said to them

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because of your Hardness of Heart he wrote you this commandment but from the beginning of creation God made them male

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and female for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall come become one flesh that comes

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out of Genesis right consequently they are no longer two but one flesh what therefore God has joined together let no

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man separate and in the house the disciples began

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questioning him about this again and he said to them whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits

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adultery against her and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man she is committing adultery

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so I'm going to myself when I read that text what did God through Moses command

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them to do all right well you're thinking about the sermon last week I'm thinking about the sermon last week right we have this process you go out to

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a war you conquer a people not in the Canaan or not in the promised land you have to worry conquer people you see a woman there I think I like to take her

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as a wife but you already got a wife at home right so they this woman now she's going

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to be a slave or a servant anyway she's a captive she's not gonna be free that's not an option her people have

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been conquered right so you take her and you go I'm going to make her my wife so you take her home and you go put her

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through this long process of sort of like separating her from her history her parents everything that was going on humbling her giving her the opportunity

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to become an Israelite give me an opportunity to become one of your people and then you marry her now you've got two wives

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okay so the question is did God command them well if you look at the language of

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what we read it says if a man has two wives That's 15. in 10 it says when you go out to battle

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against your enemies and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take them away captive and you see

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among the captives a beautiful woman and have a desire for her and would take her as a wife for yourself so where and

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there is a command where and there is a command from God that this is a process that you can do

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there isn't one God does not say go out in battle and when you see a woman there desire her that you can take her as a

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wife God doesn't command them to desire her God doesn't command them to take them as wives right in fact they own

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them they're captives among the captives you see a beautiful woman have a desire for her and would

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take her as a wife for yourself then God starts the damage control he says then you shall bring her home to your house

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and she shall shave her head and trim her nails she shall also remove all of that it's all damage control why because

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they have a desire that they're going to act on anyway so God is saying there is a time at which

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it's just damage control I'm not telling you this because I'm telling you it's okay to go take a

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second wife I'm telling you this because you're going to take a second wife and when you do you remember the story in the Bible of God through Samuel talking

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to the Israelites about taking a king and what does Samuel says well when you take a king these are the bad things that's going to happen right but you're

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told don't take a king but then when you take a king these are the bad things are going to happen and this is what you're going to have to do right the bottom

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line is we're human beings we're complex and we're going to do sometimes we're gonna do what we want to do

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ironically I was listening to a sermon on the podcast this week um and I do that quite frequently if you

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have time and want to do that you can there's 152 services on our podcast that

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go back all the way back to 2017 now and there will be more once I get them caught up we're still catching up the

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ones that were lost when we lost our previous podcast provider I was listening to that sermon and I heard myself say these words so there's a wise

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man in my life who once told me that his dad told him

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repeatedly when he was growing up that people are basically going to do what they want to do

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now the truth is God says the same thing God says you're going to go out to war you're going to capture all these women

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among them are going to be some beautiful women you're going to go like I think I would like to make her my wife and if when you arrive at that case and

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you're going to do that here's what you have to do to practice damage control to stop this from being a real problem

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okay and he's saying it's complicated there's steps you gotta take and then

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now we get it now you're there and you've got two wise I said that's going to be complicated because you're going to have one that you love and one that

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you don't and the one that you don't might be the one that gave you your firstborn son and you cannot

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perpetrate an injustice against your firstborn son just because you chose to

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have two wives what's the standard the standard is one life one wife and Jesus said from the

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beginning of the standard was always one wife when is that announced in Genesis in the Garden of Eden Adam and Eve the

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standard is one wife we're not talking about polygamy God is Not authorizing you to have more than one wife and I

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submit to you that God is Not authorizing you at any point in time in your life to have any split loyalty

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split loyalties result in a lack of Integrity because you're going at One Moment In Time it's important to me that

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I have enough money and another important time it's important to me that I have consumer electronics which way do

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I want to go it's important to me that I tithe and honor God and put him first in my finances oh but it's also important

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to me that I get to go out on my birthday and celebrate you're always going to have split loyalties and if you have split loyalties you're always going

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to be doing damage control I submit to you that it is God's desire for us that we move from the realm of damage control

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to as Larry so wisely just taught us without even realizing it to the realm

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of damage prevention and that's what God desired in fact as

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he's telling us what damage control will look like I submit to you that the whole time God is hoping that they'll not be

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so stupid as to go out and take second wives or more than second wives but the truth is when you're conquering tens of

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thousands of of women and children in these lands outside the mainland and you're taking them into your possession

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among them you're going to find beautiful women and you're going to have to find out whether or not you're going

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to give in to the desire to take them and if you don't want to dishonorably take them and you're going to have rape

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or whatever going on then you're going to go well I I at least need to make this look good I have the right to take

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her home as a wife because there ain't no man to defend her nobody's going to take care of her and she wants it because she doesn't have property she

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doesn't have a job can't have a job can't have income she wants it too so her and I are going to have an agreement

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we'll call that a marriage even though I already got four wives at home I'm now going to have a fifth wife or whatever

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and so they were going to do that and God recognized they were going to do that out of their

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ignorance maybe but really out of their desire so notice then the need for damage

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control can be foretold as a deterrent he's telling us look this is going to be

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complicated you're going to do this to yourself this is going to get hard and you're going to have to make hard decisions you're going to have to

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somehow still find a way to do what's right even though you've compromised your course all the way along the way

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and yet here we are the second thing I want you to see in there is when a child grows to be wrong

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as an adult as a teenager or whatever when they grow to that point in their

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life where they can be considered culpable for their actions

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certainty then is judgment it shouldn't be

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and yet here we are if you realize that you have a 14 15 18

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whatever 20 year old that's living in your house and they're living in a way that is ungodly they're living in a way that is

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not right and I can say that I experienced this firsthand and I didn't know what I'm teaching today when it

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happened to me but it happened to me you're going to have to make a difficult

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decision now we don't have a modern perfect equivalent to stoning right you can't

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take your 15 year old out and stone them because they're rebellious because they're malthy because they're

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even a drunkard or whatever you can't you can't do that

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But realize that is a place in which damage control then is really becoming

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necessary in our case we had a young person in our household who decided to

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kind of go their own way to the point that they looked me in the face and said I don't even know if I believe in God

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and they were leaving and the logic was this and Sharon and I talked about prayed about thought about

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it looked at it biblically best we knew how which we didn't understand what I'm studying today

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but we understood that we had to make a decision and we said look we have another child or two more actually we

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had two more three more kids in the house but we have another child that already understands what's going on we

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have to make these decisions we can't allow you to continue to live this way and live in our house because

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of the effect it's going to have on our house so there's a moment in time at which your child is making a decision that you

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cannot biblically Godly approve of and in so doing you have to practice damage

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control remember the whole break in the neck of the hacker heifer out in the field

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the blood guiltiness can come on you even though you didn't do it they're old enough that they have to make a decision

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they have to decide where they stand with God what they're going to do and yet

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you can still be found guilty right so they're at that age at which damage control has to be done to ensure

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that that blood guiltiness does not wash over onto you or the rest of your household or your family or whatever

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granted this damage control that's going to be necessary if you have a child that grows

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up wrong essentially that falls on the wrong side of Justice the wrong side of

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judgment the wrong side of Grace the wrong side of what's biblical if that happens there's going to be

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damage called control that has to be done and so predicting that damage control becomes a deterrent how so well

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let's go a little further there is no

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Christian or Kingdom God modern day equivalent to stoning but the Bible does prescribe certain

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actions when that situation is imminent the first thing you have to do is you

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have to let it be known for whom you stand the next breath you draw why do you draw

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it you have to get to the point where everything that is about you and

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everything that you generate is about God and his kingdom first going into the promised land Joshua

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looked at the Israelites and said in fact we had a devotional on this yesterday at breakfast

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um he said if you want to follow these other gods go ahead and do that

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but as for me in my house we will serve the Lord and a similar situation you need to be

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saying that not by the time you get here comes damage control okay we've got this young man or this young woman who's

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doing all of these things and it's they're going the wrong direction they're not living in a Godly way and I can't have them in my house so hey you

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do what you want to do you go be you go do your thing but as for me in my house we will serve the Lord no

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that's too late in most of the cases that my children

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were born I quoted them that verse before they could understand language

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there's children coming into your house have to know from the beginning it's a deterrent listen my damage control teams

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are already in place they're already there and if you should choose to become the fire that will burn

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up my house you need to understand you will be put out you say from the beginning

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let it be known God first and all things in our house

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and you have every opportunity then pieces are all still on the board it could work out you have every

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opportunity then that maybe they won't fall down they won't fall on the wrong side of the fence

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the upcoming child should be warned of the potential for the need to do damage control

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when you have a child that's between the ages of about four and about 10 and I and I think a lot of times the age

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actually ends at about seven because it's it's when they understand if they're being raised in a Christian household a lot of times they understand

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a lot sooner they should be understanding if you're spanking that child they should know why

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then you're not spanking them because you're mad at them you're not spanking them because they deserve it

30:41

right but the whole the spanking the discipline the grounding the scolding

30:47

all of it is a form of damage control listen I'm trying to help you and I'm trying to stop the damaging effects of

30:53

the choice that you just made we're trying to put an end to this we're trying to live Godly and say as for me

30:59

and my house we'll follow the lord what you just did that's not following the Lord so let us be warned there will always be the potential for damage

31:05

control third

31:11

you should be expressing the sentiment all the time that we hear my family myself we love God and the kingdom of

31:18

God and we love it and him enough to take things from the

31:24

captives that confuse the issue in other words

31:30

you run into something you're in charge of it right you get to decide you're

31:36

free in Christ I know whom I follow I know in in whom I've trusted he's able to keep under that day that which I

31:41

haven't trusted to him have entrusted to me I didn't trust it to my best understanding I trust it to Jesus that I

31:47

run into the difficulty whatever that is I take that captive I'm in charge in

31:53

Christ I will deal with this situation the way God would have me to deal with the best I know how are you going to

31:58

make mistakes sure you don't become lost because you made a mistake you become lost if if you're lost because you

32:04

didn't follow Jesus or the way that Jesus set out for you if you're following Jesus then when you

32:10

get in that situation you take that situation captive and you go I see this is going to be a problem this is not going to be in my

32:17

house listen that beautiful woman that they were choosing to make their wife she said I look at her she's beautiful

32:23

right they could have sold her for not a small amount of money

32:29

because she's a beautiful woman they owned her right but now we're not talking about

32:35

people anymore are we talking about situations circumstances things just like we talked about last

32:40

week and we went through the process but the bottom line is your child your children your young

32:45

adult they should know that when they run into something they got to be in charge I started saying to my kids at

32:51

eight Ariana was an example she went to a birthday party this last late late in the summer Last Summer

32:58

and there were a bunch of girls there from her basketball team and I said if you get there and there's something

33:04

going on that's ungodly you call immediately

33:09

you authorize your child to take control of that situation because your child in

33:14

Christ is more than a conqueror your child in Christ is in charge when it if

33:20

you're in the room and Jesus is in you then every evil spirit in the room is subject to you

33:25

if you're playing footsie with evil spirits it's you Desiring to take the risk of having to do damage control but

33:32

if you would let your child know from the get-go that they have the right to take captive any

33:37

issue that comes up then later when they get in high school when they get into late junior high or whatever they are

33:42

culpable for their own decisions and they're moving in the wrong direction they can go wait a minute why am I doing this I'm giving up my Birthright I'm

33:49

giving up my power in Christ I'm giving up my power that my God my my God through my dad through my mom bestowed

33:56

to me and and I'm becoming something that I don't want to be but you know it still happens

34:05

you may raise them in the way that they should go and when they're old they may not depart from it but somewhere in the middle they may

34:11

you know and so the Bible talks about damage control there's Matthew 18 damage

34:16

control Matthew 18 15-18 is basically where it says if they start to sin you talk to them about it

34:23

and then they they still won't repent or recant what they're doing and so you bring one or two other people in

34:28

and I still won't they bring him forth the church and your teenager gets kicked out of the

34:34

church and they're no longer part of the church because they refuse to repent of what they were doing that the church agrees is a problem and by the way when

34:42

that happens what do you do it says that you teach them as a or you treat them as a gentile or a tax collector what do we

34:48

do with Gentiles or tax collectors well we love them but we don't give them internal access

34:55

right you don't let somebody that's a complete stranger come live in your house you don't let somebody and you may

35:00

not be able to kick your teenager out I'm not saying that you should do that but you cannot give them access now you're living in my house I'm still

35:07

providing for you but you don't get to be part of the decision-making process now

35:12

you're arguing with your brother you shut your mouth right because you don't have the rights

35:19

here now because you've chosen to live a certain way that does not line up with What God Says and it's for me and my

35:25

house we will follow the lord so there is a damage control built in

35:30

warned of that damage control perhaps they choose not to go that way

35:37

but if they do choose then they might choose to go that way then there are steps for damage control built in it

35:43

goes a little further in First Corinthians 5 9-13

35:51

there's a passage of scripture where it says I've heard it said amongst you that there is a man who has his father's wife

35:58

right and it goes on basically to explain that everyone knew that this guy's sleeping with his father's wife is

Isaiah 36:3

36:03

probably his stepmom not his mom let's hope oh my goodness right

36:09

sleeping with the Stepmom and everybody's like it's fine but it ain't fine that's not fine that's time

36:16

for damage control so what does Paul say that we do when we get to that point we need that kind of damage control he uses

36:22

these exact three words he says expel I'm sorry it's four words expel the

36:28

immoral brother you kick him out of the church they don't belong so I get it I

36:34

understand we're all going man these are harsh treatments these are difficult things to do right somebody's going to

36:40

get upset somebody it's like you're tearing out the tears and the roots of the wheat are being ripped up in the

36:46

same process you're gonna say we got to move this person out of the church because they're involved in sinful behavior and they won't repent and

36:52

you're like man the other people that love them are going to be so hurt you're gonna be so upset because their brother

36:57

their mother their friend their son whatever got kicked out of the church because they were doing what was wrong

37:03

mind you it's after process determining but if it's publicly done out there does

37:08

that is there any process did he say hey that man's sleeping with his father's wife and everybody knows it and

37:15

you're not doing anything about it so let's start Matthew 18 accountability no that's not what it said it said expel

37:22

the immoral brother kick him out that's it done so you have somebody come in here I have

37:27

we back on Main Street I had a woman come in and before service and she sat there and I was trying to counsel with

37:33

her and she was upset and disgruntled with the church as I'm trying to counsel with her and she's upset and struggled with the church she was bad-mouthing

37:38

some of the people in this room and some of what she was saying was clearly and obviously lies about the

37:44

people who were in the church and I said listen you've got to stop you have to stop now so number one I wasn't there so

37:50

that would make it gossip number two what you're saying is a lie I know because I know some of the people that were there and I know they would not lie

37:56

to me and so I received a report of what went on I know what you're saying is not what went on you've got to stop and she

38:03

wouldn't stop and we're 20 minutes before service and she's continuing to slander into lie and finally I said okay

38:08

listen I'm done at this point in time I'm here to tell you your your membership in the church is revoked you're done you're no longer a member of

38:14

the church you're not going to sit here and lie and slander and spit and Venom in every third word is a cuss word 20

38:20

minutes before we're supposed to worship God we're not going to do it so you're done and I removed it from the church and at the next membership meeting I

38:26

told the church what I did because at that point in time it becomes this person has fallen on the wrong side

38:32

of the line we love God we love kingdom of God we do Kingdom things don't teach your children to ever don't ever ever

38:39

ever in this lifetime teach your child not to do every possible Kingdom thing because anytime you teach them not to do

38:46

a kingdom thing you're setting them up for a need for damage control later do you believe in the word of God

38:53

do you believe that God's word does not come back void as it says do you believe that if they know more word of God they

38:59

will have a better chance of being equipped to face problems in the future then you make sure that every opportunity to have access to the word

39:06

of God so you don't miss worship you don't miss Bible study you don't miss studying the word you don't miss memorization you don't miss meditation

39:12

don't miss family devotions you don't miss you don't watch 42 episodes of anything else before watching a minimum

39:18

of one episode of something that is expressly Christian teaching about Jesus but that's what we're doing

39:24

so damage control is presented as a possible need down the road you may need

39:29

to practice Matthew 18 accountability or even expel them as an immoral brother from the fellowship

39:36

you're warned about that we're warned about that and yet we are

39:41

walking this road kind of listen if you're one foot in the kingdom of God when they grow up

39:47

they will be two feet out I will guarantee it without a shadow of a doubt this much I know and I'll tell you why

39:52

because if you're walking with one foot in the Kingdom God and one foot out they're going to have to make a choice

39:58

between the two and the choice from you you're saying

40:03

put both your feet in the name of God really serve the Lord really be facing really be forward with God right going everywhere he goes doing everything he

40:09

does right but they see you and you're telling them that's the right thing to do but you're a hypocrite because you

40:14

have one foot in and one foot out but you're telling them to have both feet in so they're going to ignore what you say and then there's thousands tens of

40:22

thousands possibly millions of other voices they're all gonna say it's much better over here just put both

40:28

your feet over here so they're going to ignore the one voice that's saying the right thing but doing the wrong thing and listen to the other

40:35

voices that are both saying and doing the wrong thing that's what's going to happen

40:40

all of this is about doing damage control all of this entire all these texts are about doing damage control that would

40:47

essentially be completely unnecessary if the people of God delivered by the grace of God would live by the grace of God

40:54

and deliver both judgment or Justice and salt

41:03

two left the next one is withdrawing support this one hurts

41:09

this one hurts because this is your loved one right we're talking about your teenager your child you change their

41:17

diapers he sat up with them when they had a fever and now they're not living for the lord they're on the outs and

41:25

even if you say to them look I I cannot I can't Embrace what you're trying to do here I have to let you go even if that's

41:31

true right then they're still going to call for help now

41:36

and then they're still going to look for money now and then they're still going to want you to show up and tell them everything's okay

41:43

because they're refusing to grow in the lord they're still going to need theirs plastered and their egos soothed and so

41:50

on and this is a known condition

41:56

and then in second John you can read what the Bible's solution

42:01

is and I fully understand this is weighty material and I apologize we're Two Steps

42:08

From the conclusion here second John beginning of verse 7 says this for many deceivers have gone out

42:15

into the world those who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh this is the deceiver and the

42:20

Antichrist watch yourselves that you might not lose what we have accomplished but that you may receive a full reward

42:27

anyone who goes too far and does not abide in the teachings of Christ listen to that let me say it again anyone who

42:33

goes too far and does not abide in the teachings of Christ does not have God the one who abides in the teachings he

42:40

has both the father and the son if anyone comes to you and does not bring

42:46

this teaching do not receive him into your house and do not give him a greeting for the one who gives him a

42:52

greeting participates in his evil Deeds now I understand this is we're talking about your teenager that lives in your

42:58

house already right so it's not like you're going to receive them into your house they already are in your house

43:04

so what do you do well you do damage control to avoid participating in their

43:10

evil Deeds they may turn 18 in America that means they get to move out right or 17 maybe

43:16

in some cases then they move out and they're not living for the Lord you don't participate in their evil Deeds

43:23

as painful as it was for me we had the conversation when we had the situation develop in our house where we said well

43:29

we just can't go to that house we can't go there they call you oh 100 bucks my electricity's gonna be shut off and so I'm sorry you're living on the

43:35

wrong side I can't continue to throw money down a well with a hole in the bottom it's just going to go away I

43:40

think he should repent and turn to the Lord and say that's not right that's not fair it's like blackmail you're telling

43:46

me that I have to withdraw my love from this person in order to

43:51

show them how severe the choices that they have made listen we're talking about damage control there's a moment at

43:57

which parenting becomes damage control because the alternative is you're partaking in their evil Deeds you're

44:02

supporting what they're doing they'll call you for 100 for an electric bill because there's three days before that

44:08

they spent their hundred dollars on crack cocaine or alcohol or video game cards or whatever it doesn't even matter

44:15

yes they need 100 to pay their electricity but the bottom line is according to what the word says if they

44:21

have walked away from the Lord if they're outside the kingdom of God if they're not living by Godly principles you're not to receive them into your

44:27

house you're to avoid in verse 11. even a greeting it says even him who

44:34

gives a greeting participates in his evil Deeds I'm not saying be disrespectful or go back to what Matthew

44:40

18 says where it says treat them like a tax collector or a gentile right so you love them you love them to the Lord

44:47

if a perfect stranger comes up to you tomorrow as you're walking down the sidewalk and says I need 100 to pay my electric bill if the Lord does not

44:54

specifically offer it I hope you say no because that would be ridiculous

44:59

if God says yes do it then you do it and share the gospel and maybe they'll get saved oh but that's not right I can't

45:05

give them 100 for electric bill and also share Jesus because then it looks like I'm paying them to believe nobody's

45:10

going to believe because you paid them they might confessively they might pretend to believe right they might

45:16

pretend like they're coming around but they're not going to believe and be saved because you gave them a hundred bucks it doesn't work that way

45:23

so if you give them the 100 bucks and don't share the gospel with them that is disrespectful to God

45:30

if we give them groceries when they need groceries and don't share the groceries with them that is disrespectful to God it's not about what they do the

45:36

groceries are damage control we're doing damage control we have hungry people who are hungry we provide

45:44

them with food that's damage control how do we get to the point where we no longer need to provide damage control

45:50

the ship is sinking so you have two choices let it sink throw a party celebrate it's finally

45:57

done that would be the equivalent of just telling a hungry man just starve we're sick and tired of your stuff

46:03

we're not going to do that so you're going to provide damage control when do you get to stop providing damage control when the person

46:09

has Integrity when the person has health and the person is following God when the person is doing what it is that they're supposed to do

46:15

so we're talking about damage Croton control in the case of somebody who's walked away from the Lord first of all we started with let it be

46:21

known who you stand for let them be warned that the potential necessity of damage control

46:29

show them that they can love God and take captive anything that might confuse the issue on which side they stand

46:36

and then if they still refuse and are walking away from the Lord practice Matthew 18 accountability as necessary

46:42

but when it becomes an obvious blatant sin expel the immoral brother make a break between them and your intimate

46:48

self put a line here and say I am walking with God clearly you are not we cannot be together on this matter even

46:54

to the point of withdrawing support according to 2nd John and then most importantly of all always

47:01

be ready to forgive and to let them back in

47:08

if they are respected if they are expressing repentance seeking

47:14

forgiveness that's why out of this very same teaching Jesus was right after the Matthew 18

47:20

teaching uh the disciples asked Jesus said well how many times am I supposed to forgive my brother if he comes back

47:26

asking for forgiveness even seven times and Jesus says I say to you 77 times seven times see we are a

47:34

people of forgiveness and if you cannot forgive you cannot be forgiven so saith the word of God

47:41

but forgiveness when someone has hurt you forgiveness

47:48

when someone is in sin is damage control

47:54

because the reality is God did not want them to be in sin in the first place and that brings us to our conclusion

48:03

quick recap two cases where parenting becomes intentionally becomes damage control

48:11

in the text it is number one when a man has gone after his desires

48:17

and done what he probably shouldn't have done in the first place not probably definitely should have done in the first place and taken two wives he is still

48:25

required to make the tough decisions to do what's right even after he has done that don't you understand if you're in

48:32

this room and you develop for yourself God forbid but if you develop for yourself a drug addiction or a pornography addiction or

48:38

you commit adultery or you're lusting after somebody which would be about the same thing or you have a lot of anger towards your brother same which is

48:44

basically murder whatever you develop that in your own life and it starts to happen even under that situation even with that

48:52

true you are still required to do right by God how's that going to work

48:58

you're committing adulterous activities yet you're required to do right by God

49:06

not gonna work out very well gonna need some damage control so what kind of damage control are you gonna do well

49:11

let's just cut God out it'll be a lot easier then won't it well for temporally maybe for a very short

49:18

period of time it'll be easier but you're going to answer to God eventually so what kind of damage control are you going to do

49:25

if you're here in the room and you've allowed something to come into your life because you are pursuing pleasure rather

49:31

than pursuing God you need to repent of that thing you need to turn from it maybe publicly confess it and say look

49:37

this is what I got into I am turning from that I am turning to God Alone and I am walking with both my feet and

49:44

the kingdom of God I am going to try to live a life that will make it less likely that I will

49:50

need damage control I probably will because I'm a person I'm complex I make mistakes I'll fall fail

49:57

I'll make I'll stumble so I probably will but I want to need

50:03

the least amount of damage control I possibly can the second thing is

Isaiah 50:11

50:11

a young man another person a young woman they're outside your

50:17

control the truth is you can do everything that you want to do to set them up to do the best you possibly can

50:25

I've seen my wife do

50:31

heroic impossible things in the lives of our kids

50:37

as a mother I've seen other mothers in this church do heroic impossible things things that

50:44

human beings cannot do without some kind of miraculous assistance in the lives of their

50:50

children and yet here we are and yet is an entire possibility is absolutely you

50:56

think that the drug dealer out there in the city didn't have a mother and she didn't love him and it might be generational but somewhere along the

51:03

lines there was a woman who wanted them to turn out right it might be the grandmother

51:10

we have people that they're grandparents bring their kids to church to follow the lord because why because the moms and the

51:17

dads are completely outside the kingdom well nothing to do with it

51:23

and it can happen but as a mother's love and a mother's effort and a mother's best

51:30

chance is that she and hopefully her husband if he's in the mix

51:35

do everything they can to set a standard for their children so that when they grow up they will hopefully desire the

51:41

Lord but no one can do it for anyone else there are no grandchildren of God and so

51:48

you have to be that represent you have to present it and hopefully they will receive it

51:54

but if you present it with a mixed part divided one foot at each kingdom then I

52:02

fire you I think I'd probably start getting ready to do Matthew 18 accountability maybe to expel the

52:07

immoral brother and your own child when they grow up maybe to withdraw support for the course of action that they have

52:12

taken always being ready to forgive by realizing that forgiveness may be the

52:19

only Avenue you have left at some point how many mothers have stood over the

52:26

caskets of their overdosed 20 something year old

52:33

85 000 United States adults overdosed on opioids

52:39

in 2022 85 000. in all 50 states nobody was immune 85

52:47

000 people and they all had mothers

52:52

now whether their mothers were still alive or not but they all had mothers and the moment they were giving birth they were going oh I hope my child

52:57

doesn't have autism I hope my child doesn't come out with only one foot or my oh my child

53:03

doesn't come out with brain damage or they all had hopes and desires and love for that child

53:08

and maybe opioids wasn't even on their radar

53:14

and then when the child was 23 25 26 years old they stole their TV to sell for drugs

53:20

this is the reality of the world that we live in people chase after what they desire

53:25

and sometimes you got to do damage control you want a better if you're a parent in

53:30

the room and you want the best possible chance or if somebody you are going to be a parent that could be all of us right you want the best possible chance

53:36

of not having to do damage control put both feet in the king of God

53:42

let it be known that God is first for you in all things be warned of the potential be warning

53:48

them of the potential for damage control

53:54

love God and the kingdom of God enough to take captive things that confuse the

53:59

issue that means turn the TV off put the phone down shut off the video games

54:07

and for God's sake somebody pick up a Bible

54:12

because it's coming a day when if not we as parents or

54:18

future parents will have to do the kind of damage control that nobody wants to

54:23

do in the Navy when damage control has begun men who are and sometimes women

54:30

who are specifically trained for that task race to the site of wherever the problem is and they do whatever is

54:37

necessary to take care of the damage and some of them die in the process

54:46

do you not see that we have a Heavenly Father we have a heavenly father who look down on us and saw children who had

54:53

gone the wrong way and we all like sheep have gone astray

54:59

and he sent his son God the son Came In the Flesh and died to pay the price

55:07

so that those children could come back 77 times seven times and be forgiven if they were willing

55:15

and that's you and that's me the question is

55:20

are we now walking with both feet in the kingdom of God so the Next Generation has a standard has someone to look to

55:27

and we can do what needs to be done in our day and and I would encourage you to take a

55:33

young person along with you there are some men in this room who are not dads who I have seen do such an incredible

55:40

job of bringing the young people of our church or just to anywhere like they'll go into a crowd at a block party and

55:46

help the kids find their way because they're standing up for Jesus

55:52

and you just might be the one Ricky and Michael during covid did

55:58

American Giants football in the side yard when kids had literally just about nothing else to do and those kids looked

56:05

up them maybe wrongly okay but they looked up to them like gods

56:11

foreign but then Michael and Ricky made about God as men and women and young people

56:18

because there's nobody here that's not at least a teenager which means you're all culpable it's our job

56:23

to live in the kingdom of God and invite the world to join us and as I remember verses for this week said we

56:30

have become ambassadors for Christ as we come for G for God

56:38

I beg you I beg you it says be reconciled to God

56:44

or he made him who knew no sin to be sin for us that we might have the righteousness of God

56:49

I did it wrong that we might become that we might become the righteousness of God

56:55

through him and if they see you and your exhibiting exhibiting the righteousness of God then

57:02

you have a shot at not having to do damage control later and a shot is the

57:08

best you can hope for but if they see you not living for the Lord on a regular basis or

57:14

hypocritically declaring Jesus while living for yourself or for something the world has to offer not taking captive

57:20

things that would cause confusion I guess I'd get ready to do damage

57:26

control because it's coming and I submit to you that the laws of our

57:32

nation the policing all the judges it's all damage control it's all damage control

57:39

damage control that's being done because the parenting child relationship of past

57:44

Generations however it happened failed

57:51

in the kingdom of God let us say not us we will stand up for God and when all is

57:57

said and done we will be found to still be standing and I hope our young people will still be standing with us

58:05

this time I'm going to ask the praise to you to come forward lead us in a final hymn song

58:11

and we're gonna sing but if you're here today and you realize that you've been playing games

58:17

with your faithful following of the Lord then you repent right now not while we're singing just do it right now in a

58:22

second so I'm turning to the Lord I want to be representing God in all ways you realize that you could be leading a

58:28

young person in your life toward needing damage control then you repent turn to

58:37

the Lord did you realize that you were under the effects of damage control now because you didn't

58:42

you ask God for forgiveness and you let him forgive you because he wants to and he paid for it

58:51

and then we'll praise him together hell [Music]

58:57

is the ultimate damage control God doesn't want to send anyone to hell it doesn't send anyone they can't good but

59:03

he doesn't it's the ultimate in damage control because the blood guiltiness of the choices that people make will be on

59:10

everyone else in heaven they didn't even do anything wrong they accepted Jesus and believed but one

59:17

murderer who hadn't believed in Christ were allowed to go to heaven then Heaven would be the home of a murderer

59:23

it's not going to be like that hell is the ultimate ultimately we don't want to see anybody

59:29

under the effects of that damage control for an eternity instead we want to see people believing in Jesus so believed in

59:35

Jesus would you stand with me and let's sing this song Together the Lord is speaking to your heart and

59:41

you respond however he's leaving you today [Music]

59:56

[Music] my God worship