Rocks of Remembrance July 19, 2026 - Vanessa Torrijos

Good morning, Mission Vineyard.

>> Wow.

Thank you.

Thank you for your fellowship time.

Y'all just chatted up with everybody.

It's just great. I love to see that.

My name is Jan Seaman and uh I just want

to say that the Aurelis uh John and

Arita and their kids are on vacation and

so we want to bless them in their time

away and pray for safety and for times

of refreshing to come upon them. But

I'm here to do announcements.

Let's see. Okay.

We're glad you're worshiping with us

today. Whether you're here in person or

online, so glad you've joined us. Um, if

you're new this week, I hope you

received one of these bags. We call this

our welcome bag. In it, there's some

goodies. Uh, two of them. I just want to

highlight if I can find them. I usually

have a helper, but I I didn't parse that

out. Uh [clears throat]

well, oh, thank you, Amanda. Uh there's

supposed to be a a welcome card, but

there's no

>> in this bag, believe it or not. There is

a a card called a connect card. Has two

sides. One side is for prayer requests.

Just write your prayer request on there.

Uh drop it in the Yep. Looks like that.

Uh uh well, one side looks like Yeah.

Okay. uh drop it in the uh offering

basket when it's there. Thank you, the

lovely Amanda. Uh uh drop it in the

offering basket when it's passed and

there will be people who will pray over

your request this week. The other side

is for us to be able to connect with

you. Uh there's place for email address

and a physical address. Uh we can put

you on our um newsletter which uh is

sent out twice a month. And if you send

give us your physical address then uh we

will uh one of our pastors will send you

uh a thank you letter for visiting and a

small gift uh which will be a surprise.

I'm not going to tell you what it is. So

also in this bag is what we call

yes. Thank you.

[gasps] A man bag, which is our gift to

you to be able to give away to someone

that you see is in need. One of the

greatest joys in life is to be able to

give. And so we want you to have that

wonderful opportunity, which is the same

joy that God feels when he gives to us.

So he wants to be able for you to share

in that same kind of joy. So give this

away to somebody. It's it's a lot of

fun.

Thank you, Amanda.

Um, two ba two announcements this week.

Uh, one

is that our kids ministry is looking for

donations like stickers, uh, markers,

um, you know, glue sticks, stuff that's

laying around your house that you want

to get rid of. So, uh, put it in this

red bin when you come to church, which

will be on the welcome table.

And the other announcement is September

the

8th.

Yes, September the 8th uh from 6:00 to

8:00 p.m. uh is going to be the alpha

kickoff at First Presbyterian.

We partner with First Presbyterian in uh

doing alpha um sessions and these are

great way to find out some basics about

the Christian faith to ask your

questions to get prayer to understand

what prayer is about and uh to uh have

dinner too. So there will be more

information as time goes by. So uh you

know make your plans to attend now.

And now is our time where we're going to

uh present our tithes and offerings to

the Lord.

This is our way of expressing our

gratitude or one way of expressing our

gratitude to Jesus for all he has done

for us and for God's great provision in

our lives. whether it's a material

provision, an emotional or a spiritual

provision. So would you pray with me? Uh

offering basket usher people,

very important people. Uh you can come

forward. Thank you very much. Uh pray

with me please.

Father, you're the great giver.

It's one of your most outstanding

qualities.

So, Father, in great appreciation, we

just thank you for all that you've done

and given for us. For all that you've

provided for us, things we see, things

we don't see.

Lord Jesus, would you take these gifts

that we give back to you and build your

kingdom in us and through us in Jesus

name. Amen.

So this morning we're going to hear from

Vanessa Torios. Please come my lady.

[applause]

And I have the privilege of praying for

her.

>> Oh dear.

>> Hello.

>> Was that me? I don't know. Charlie, fix

it. [laughter]

I don't know anything about this stuff.

Electronics.

>> He turned around. Yes.

>> Okay. I'm going to pray for you,

Vanessa.

>> Thank you.

Father, I ask that you would fill

Vanessa with the power of the Holy

Spirit. Lord, would you speak with her

words? Would you encourage us, enlighten

us, guide us, cause your hope to be

built in us

in Jesus name. Amen.

>> Amen. Thank you. Welcome.

[applause]

>> All right, guys. Good morning. Good

morning. [laughter]

>> I am Vanessa Majol Torrios in case you

don't already know me. Uh, but I'm loud,

so you've probably at least heard of me.

And truth be told, I'm nervous because

this is the first time that I'm up here

by myself. Last time, John was up here

with me and that was oddly comforting.

[laughter]

Not oddly,

John is a comforting person, I promise.

>> [laughter]

>> So

he's a he's a pastor for goodness sake.

All right. So a few weeks ago, John

calls me up and like with typical John

energy goes, "So do you want to preach

again?" And I didn't know at this point

his cunning plan to go on vacation and

leave me alone. But I still hesitated

and I asked to meet with him.

And so we're sitting at Press Coffee

across from each other

and I start imagining him in like

priestly black with the white collar

[laughter]

because I'm like, "John, I I have a

confession.

I'm really not sure that I can believe

that Jesus rose from the dead, like that

he actually did that.

I really want to believe in this God

that forgives and in the new kingdom and

I want to be part of it,

but I still always have doubts. And

right now I'm at like 40% like belief.

This is like I'm really struggling. I'm

in spiritual darkness.

I haven't really heard God for a while.

So I'm pretty sure that you don't want

to put me in front of the congregation.

And John sort of leaned back in the

chair and with like his intense eye

contact that [laughter] you feel very

seen. He goes, "Actually, I would really

love you to share that with our church."

So, don't get me wrong, I've had very

powerful and confirmatory spiritual

experiences. I had one time where in

small group, I felt electrified by the

Holy Spirit, like a bolt of lightning

had gone through me. And that feeling

lasted for like a solid hour.

I've been prayed over and felt a torrent

of script scripture going through me.

And two years ago, when I got baptized

as an adult,

I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit

when I came out of the water so clearly

that it led to a year-long sbatical from

doctoring

and a complete overhaul of my identity,

which I had mistakenly placed in my

career.

But at the same time, I go through

periods of spiritual darkness

where I don't feel God's love or

presence,

and I can't really even remember what it

felt like.

I doubt Jesus's resurrection.

And during those times when I come to

church,

I feel like an impostor here.

I'm afraid I might get stuck there in

the darkness or worse that one of y'all

will find me out.

But the truth is that living outside of

Eden, we are a people subjected to

darkness.

Some pretty famous followers of Jesus

teach us that it's a normal part of the

human experience.

Last week, John preached about Peter who

sank into the water in a moment of doubt

despite having Jesus right in front of

him. And Mother Teresa, who served the

poor in India, spent years,

in fact decades, at the height of her

career serving the poor and following

Jesus, not feeling God's presence.

from the Bible. The person whose

internal life would probably best

understand because he wrote so much emo

poetry, David.

[laughter] David wrote lots of poems,

aka psalms,

lamenting things like, "My God, my God,

why have you forsaken me?"

But he also recorded all those moments

of connection with his Lord as reminders

of who God is to him.

David knew that to find a path out of

the darkness, you don't need to see the

path. You just need to know the

shepherd.

It's actually one of David's psalms that

we're going to be going through this

week and for the next couple weeks as

Pastor John takes his very well-deserved

vacation.

I don't know if we have slides up. Do we

have slides? Yeah.

Um,

we can go to Psalm 23. Um, but Psalm 23

begins, "The Lord is my shepherd. I lack

nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures

and he leads me beside quiet waters. He

refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths for

his name's sake. And even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of

death, I will fear no evil,

for you are with me. Your rod and your

staff, they comfort me.

Before David was king of Israel, he was

the least of many sons.

And I think he got the short straw

because he was sent out into the dry,

wild hill country to tend sheep.

Sheep are helpless creatures.

David had to spend hours searching for

pockets of grass for them to eat in this

dry country.

He had to find gentle waters for them to

drink at because if he brought them to a

rushing stream like some hapless lamb

was going to go down river.

He had a club or a rod

to literally bludgeon things that were

threatening the sheep like lions and

other predators.

And he had a staff with a curved end to

guide them along the right paths, but

also to rescue them out of the pits and

ravines that they seem to be falling

into all the time.

David in this psalm realizes that he is

the hopeless sheep. He's lost without

his shepherd, Yahweh.

He lacks nothing, but only because the

Lord provides everything he needs. Food

and water, safety and security.

The Lord refreshes my soul, says David.

The Hebrew here, and we're going to do

Hebrew. It's going to be fun. But the

root word here is shu. I have that on a

slide, too. Um, but shoub can mean

refresh, restore, or to turn back. It's

actually used a lot in the Old Testament

to describe Israel repenting from

trusting in other gods and turning back

to Yahweh.

David reminds himself that even in the

dark valley, God is present, turning him

back to the safety and security of his

green pastures.

God performs most of the actions in

these verses. By contrast, David

follows. He's laid down. He's restored.

He's comforted, protected, and provided

for by the shepherd.

And yet, it's not all perfect, even if

it does start with an Edenlike image.

David goes through valleys of spiritual

desolation so deep that the darkness is

given a special name. We're going to do

more Hebrew.

This isn't the word for darkness that's

used in Genesis when God separates the

light from the dark. This is a special

word. This valley is sama,

the darkest dark, like the shadow of

death.

Think of being in a canyon with these

high walls looming over you like a

tombstone.

And it's almost dark.

You're terrified.

The shepherd wields a club because the

evil one uses these dark times to go

after David's soul, to tell him lies,

and twist the truth.

The Lord has to guide David along the

right paths because the wrong ones lead

to the pits of sin and death.

And despite this, David feels safe. I

will not fear. But not because there's

no danger, because God is with him.

Just like the sheep, he doesn't really

need to see the path. He just needs to

know and follow the shepherd.

Some of you guys might be anticipating

this, but Jesus applies this metaphor

from David's poem to himself in John

John 10 · chapter mention

chapter 10, which is on there hopefully.

He ends up saying that he's the good

shepherd

and the sheep know and follow his voice.

But it's hard to follow Jesus if you

don't know him really well or you don't

recognize him voice.

And I spent a lot of my early years as a

Christian being so frustrated by sermons

that just said, "You have to have a

relationship with Jesus. You just need a

relationship with Jesus."

And I didn't have a step-by-step plan

for how to get there.

I was like, I need some actionable

things.

So, I'm going to tell you about my

journey of faith, my journey out of

these dark valleys,

my periods of learning to recognize my

shepherd through prayer, through

scripture, and in community.

Last time I was up here with John, I

talked about how by the time that I got

to medical school,

I had convinced myself that you couldn't

really know God or his character fully.

But the worst problem was that I didn't

think that I needed to know.

And then I hit third year like a wall.

In third year of medical school, I had

to start seeing actual patients, actual

people in pain.

And I had to ask them intimate, awkward

questions and examine their whole

bodies.

I had to somehow be useful to my team

despite being the least competent person

on that team.

I felt like this hopeless sheep that was

being asked to play at leading a flock.

I felt like I was drowning and I needed

saving.

Enter Laa, my roommate at the time who's

one of my best friends. La already knew

my love language was books and she

handed me the divine office.

Uh it's also called the liturgy of the

hours. Uh, and a lot of Catholics use it

as a very structured way to pray through

all of the psalms on a daily basis.

I just started with night prayer. It's a

simple weekly rotation of psalms, but I

did it for months every night.

This really great author, Eugene

Peterson, Whoops, did I cut out there?

Anyway, Eugene Peterson,

have you read him? He writes this book

called Answering God about reading

through and praying through the Psalms.

And he says we cannot bypass the Psalms.

They are God's gift to train us in

prayer. We don't always like what God

speaks to us and we don't always

understand it. Left to ourselves, we'll

pray to some God who speaks what we like

hearing or to the part of God that we

actually manage to understand.

>> Amen.

So, if you don't know God's voice or you

don't know how to pray or you need a

refresher, I would love to point you to

the Psalms. What LA did in handing me

this book about praying through the

Psalms was to throw me a lifeline so

that the God of Israel, not just some

God, but the God of Israel, could begin

to start pulling me out of the darkness.

My favorite verse became, I wait for the

Lord more than the watchman for

daybreak. And that's Wednesday night,

Psalm 130.

I may have started trying to follow

Jesus and learn his voice in medical

school, but actually until a couple of

years after moving here, I still really

couldn't make heads or tails of the rest

of the Bible by myself.

And this is despite

and I'm gone again. All right.

John figured this out, put me together

with Destiny. We started looking at the

Bible together. This led to us doing a

small group which I now lead that's been

going through the chron through the

Bible chronologically for years. Takes a

long time.

I during the academic year, I spend like

hours geeking out about what we're

reading and I listen to Bible project

podcasts and I read commentaries and I

buy random books by scholars and I do

word studies in Hebrew and Greek because

it's actually super fun. And you would

think that at this point there's no way

for me to have periods of spiritual

darkness where I don't feel God and I

doubt him. And you would be wrong.

I still struggle with not feeling God's

presence.

But this group has given me two gifts.

The first is this. God's voice is there

when I need it in the stories and the

themes and the verses that have become

familiar to me.

When I journal my prayers and I feel

like the Holy Spirit is responding,

if I look at what I wrote, it's really

just scripture paraphrased.

When I get horrible news, I think of

King Hezekiah of Israel who got this

letter from an invading army and goes to

the temple, puts it before God on the

altar, and asks for help.

And if I still don't feel like God is

answering me,

I hear Jesus echoing David on the cross.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken

me?

And I know that even Jesus,

both fully human and fully divine,

experienced periods of darkness

and not feeling God's presence even

though he is one with the father.

So in my experience,

the shepherd guides us through his word.

He is present in his word.

We may not know the right move when an

army invades and hopefully none of us

have to. But the point is that we don't

need to know the right path. We just

need to know and follow the shepherd.

One of the easiest ways that I know how

to do that is by studying the words that

he gave us.

And I love words.

The second gift that this community gave

me is just that. It's a community.

This small group is composed of women

that I have gotten to know over years.

Every time I doubt the resurrection of

Jesus, I look around at these women who

follow a risen Jesus.

They're always striving to be more

loving,

better listeners, more forgiving.

They serve others sacrificially.

I don't see people striving to make the

most money or making decisions for their

families and their children based on

keeping up with everybody else.

And it's not just my group, guys. This

whole church shows me what it means to

follow Jesus. And it refreshes my soul.

The church is the living temple of the

Lord. It's where God's presence resides.

And that's actually, if you look at the

book of Acts, one of the main messages

that you're supposed to get.

So, I would recommend if you're not

already in one, join a small group

or be super cool and start one.

Because you know what? Thomas was not

alone in his doubts. He had his friends

with him saying, "Jesus rose. He was

here."

We can help each other know and follow

the shepherd.

Spiritual darkness

might be a normal part of the human

experience, but it's really not

comfortable. I don't like it.

It actually feels a lot like when I used

to fight my sensei son in karate.

He was bigger and stronger than me and

he'd been doing it a lot longer. He was

like in his blood.

He would put me in a heap of my own

limbs and I'd be so sore the next day.

But you know what? He never hurt me.

And questioning Jesus and bringing that

to him is like that. He is your safe

sparring partner. He can bear my endless

questioning. And at the end of the day,

he has more endurance and patience than

I do. And he's way bigger and stronger.

I'm worn out and exhausted by my need

for answers.

And Jesus at this point doesn't ask,

"All right, so have you figured it out

finally."

He sits down and he says, "Hey, come

take a break. Actually, if you follow

me, I know great place to eat."

I might be playing fast and loose with

Jesus's words, but that's how he talks

in my mind. In Matthew 11 towards the

end, he actually does say something

similar. Come to me all who are weary

and burdened and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke and learn from me because

I'm gentle and humble of heart and you

will find rest for your souls. My yoke

is easy and my burden light.

Jesus might be in Greek here and David's

words might be in Hebrew, but the rest

for your souls should echo for you.

David's refreshes my soul.

The rest that they speak of comes from

reaching not a place but a person. The

person of Jesus.

In David's time,

Hebrews were still under the yoke of the

law. God had hinted at, but not fully

revealed, his plan to conquer sin and

redeem creation through Jesus.

But in his rising and defeating death,

Jesus released us from the unbearable

burdens of law and of sin. He took those

upon his own body.

Instead, he offers a trade. He offers a

much lighter yoke, a much lighter

burden. Come to me, follow me.

Because of the cross, we don't need to

see the path. We just need to know and

follow the shepherd.

Jesus is the shepherd that rescues us

from darkness and leads us back to

himself. He's the only one who can bear

all your pain, take all your anger,

absorb all your fear, see you in all

your mess, and at the end of it all,

just say, "Come follow me. I know a good

place to eat."

And then he will spend the rest of your

life feeding you until you are whole.

We're going to move into a time of

ministry.

I'm done mostly. I'm going to invite the

worship team back up.

I was really scared to share this

testimony today

because I had convinced myself that

having doubts about Jesus made me a bad

Christian.

But that is a lie from the enemy

who uses those dark times to twist the

truth. [snorts] And actually the process

of preparing for this sermon, delving

into the Psalms again, the dialogue and

encouragement from John and sitting in

prayer asking the Holy Spirit like,

"What do you want to do with this? What

do you want me to say?" That's what got

me out of the darkness this time.

You're not alone in the darkness.

If you look around at your brothers and

sisters, they've all been there at some

point. I've been there with you. And

actually, as David sees it, the King of

the universe is there with you, leading

you back to himself through the word,

through the community around you and

through prayer.

Which is why I'm going to tell John uh

Steve

to come up and take a mic because

there's a whole team praying for you

before Favorite.