REMEMBRANCE | SUNDAY 7TH DECEMBER | PS AARON MORE

Grab a seat.

This morning I uh did discover that

there is one benefit to letting your

children uh choose the music on the way

to school. And that was uh at the end of

the year Spotify do Spotify wrapped and

uh where they wrap up your year. And I

found out that my listening age was 24.

So um so that was an encouragement

because uh so uh all those uh that

terrible music that I put up with was

not in vain.

But uh hey huge uh welcome this morning

if you are visiting with us. Uh huge

shout out to all those uh watching

online. Great to have you uh with us as

well. Um in October uh uh every uh Labor

weekend we do our Friday night service.

And so when we did our Friday night

service, um we actually uh then went

away to Funa Mata and we were uh over in

Funga Matar on the uh Sunday of Labor

weekend and uh Sarah got a phone call

from her dad and the phone call was,

"Hey, um your mom uh isn't in great

shape. It's looking like um her health

battle might be coming to an end and it

might be time to come to Alexandria."

And um it wasn't totally unexpected, but

it was a bit of a shock how quickly uh

that had come. And so uh you you know I

gave her a hug and said, "I'm so sorry."

And um and then uh being really helpful,

what I decided to do next was uh grab my

phone and begin to look at flights to

Alexandra, right? I was like, "Oh, how

or to Queenstown." I was like, "How

helpful?" Um when you don't give

commentary that that's what you're

doing. and uh you have just picked your

phone back up and began to scroll

through your phone. Um your wife is

looking at you thinking, "Who on earth

made you a pastor, moron?" Um now's not

the time to be checking the gram, you

know. And uh but isn't it true that

sometimes we jump straight to wanting a

solution? Sometimes we jump straight to

wow what can I do in this situation? I

mean have you ever been the person that

when someone is sharing a problem you

just want to jump jump straight to the

solution? The easier question is

probably are you a male? you know, um,

uh, us men are famous for, you know,

not, uh, listening to what the problem

is, but just going, "Hey, I've got a

solution." And, uh, in when I was a

parenting coach in central Targetago,

one of the, uh, taglines that we would

give parents was empathy before

education.

Empathy before education. that actually

empathizing with the person who is going

through something before you decide to

give them your piece of education

actually goes really well. I mean, we've

all done it and we've all experienced

it, haven't we? I mean, it's like the

person who gets a cancer diagnosis and

their friend is really quick to tell

them that if they eat asparagus five

times a day, it's like not helpful,

Rhonda. You know,

it's like, my goodness, you can actually

uh mourn for a moment, be with the

person for a moment before you give them

your pet tip.

Any complaints can go to Nathan Miller

at hecare.com.

uh

but in Romans uh in the scripture in

Romans 12, it says this, "Rejoice with

those who rejoice and mourn with those

who mourn." And so it actually doesn't

say come up with a really good solution

of how someone can get over their grief.

It says mourn with those who mourn. You

see, sometimes the reason why we so

quick to jump to a solution is we don't

want the uncomfortable feeling of

sitting with someone in their pain. It's

far easier to say, "Hey, I have a

solution. Why don't you do this? Why

don't you try that?" Rather than

actually allowing us to feel the pain

that someone else is going through. And

so, uh, this morning is what we call our

remembrance service. And it's where we

pause in our church calendar

deliberately in the season of Christmas.

And we know it is a season of rejoicing,

but we actually pause within our church

calendar to establish a practice of

empathy where we actually say, "Hey, we

want to mourn with those who Christmas

is a hard season for because it's so

important that we develop this as a

practice." And so, uh, we we want to do

that this morning. And as a church, man,

our main, uh, focus most of the time is

just, um, uh, celebration, rejoicing all

the good that God has done for us. But

we know with the fullness of scripture,

there is also the command to mourn with

those who mourn. You see, to mourn is

actually a command.

It's actually a command in scripture.

Hey, when you see someone mourning,

mourn with them. And I love what uh

David Reicho says. He says, "The problem

is not that we experience pain, but we

avoid it." The problem is not that we

experience pain, but it is that we avoid

it. And I in many studies you can look

at the the amount of mental health uh uh

issues that come and the primary root

cause is that uh people are avoiding

pain

that that actually the avoidance of

grief the avoidance of mourning the

avoidance of pain actually doesn't help.

It actually creates another problem. It

doesn't protect us. it actually creates

a problem of itself.

You know, uh the very first uh death in

the Bible uh where uh Cain murders his

brother Abel

and God actually makes this statement.

Your brother's blood is crying out from

the ground. You see in this moment we

actually have God entering into a grief

with what has happened in the world. God

pauses and actually says there is

something not right here. And so uh some

uh faith traditions are like oh no if

we've got faith we don't grieve. But

that doesn't stack up with what the

Bible teaches because here we have God

pausing at the first death of a person

>> and actually not noticing

>> and grieving that the blood is crying

out from the ground.

We then uh in the New Testament read

that uh when the uh when Steven was

stoned and for you young people that

meant they threw stones at him. It

didn't mean he got high. Um, so when

Steven was uh stoned, you just need to

make that clear. They're thinking uh the

one thing that someone takes out of

church this morning.

Uh when Steven got stoned, it says in

Acts 8:2 that um godly men buried Steven

Acts 8:2

and mourned deeply for him.

They were godly and their proper

response was to actually mourn deeply.

You see the thing is mourning is

actually an act of truthtelling.

Mourning is actually aligning with the

truth that not everything is right in

this world.

So, so to refuse to mourn when there is

a situation that requires mourning, we

are actually not agreeing with God's

perspective of the situation. Because

the reality is we were actually never

created for death. And so when we refuse

to mourn, we are actually refusing to

live in the truth that God would cause

call us to live in.

See, mourning is an act of truthtelling

because something is wrong with the

world. And it actually is mourning is

when I personally experience that

reality that now it is close to home and

I am experiencing

the reality that something is wrong in

the world.

You see, Christianity talks a lot about

orthodoxy, which is right belief. And

so, in one sense, we would say that

mourning is uh right belief that it is

agreeing with God that something is

wrong in the world. But there's also

another uh phrase which is uh

orthopathy, which is right emotion and

right feeling. And so when we mourn, we

are actually having the right emotion

to that truth. We're actually allowing

our emotions to go along with the

reality that there is something broken

in our world.

You see, all of us are called to mourn,

but how we mourn is important.

It's interesting that in John 11 uh uh

Jesus' friend Lazarus has just died. And

we already know from the earlier verses

that Jesus knows that he is going to go

and pray for Lazarus and he is going to

raise him from the dead or he's going to

uh yell out um uh Lazarus come out.

Actually in the King James it describes

Lazarus's body and it says he stinkketh.

actually uh literal terminology for the

dead body because he'd been dead for a

little bit. But Jesus was coming to uh

raise Lazarus and he actually knew that

Lazarus was going to be raised from the

dead. But it tells us in John 11:34-36,

John 11:34–36

he says um where have you laid him? Uh

Jesus asked. They said come and see

Lord. And Jesus wept. Then the Jews

said, "See how he loved him." You see,

Jesus mourned. Even though he knew

Lazarus was going to rise from the dead.

Can I tell you that even though we have

hope,

we we still mourn. And those two things

can actually exist coently that we don't

have to give up hope to mourn. And we

don't have to give up mourning to hope.

But two things that seem like they are

opposed to one another can live together

in the believer's life. Hope does not

invalidate grief, they can coexist.

>> In 1 Thessalonians 4:13, he says, "Do

1 Thessalonians 4:13

not grieve like the rest of mankind who

have no hope." And the reason why I

start talking about the morning is

sometimes people are just in a huge

hurry to go, "Yes, but there's hope. But

there's hope. But there's hope." And it

is true. There is hope. And we are to

grieve as people who have hope. Knowing

that one day Jesus will wipe every tear.

One day there will be a place where

there is no more pain, no more death, no

more night, none of the bad things that

happen that we do have hope. And so hope

does not invalidate our mourning. It but

it does frame it. You know, if we mourn

as people with no hope, we do begin a

pattern that will end up with a sick

heart. But when we are willing to mourn

and actually experience the emotion of

what we are going through, it actually

opens us up.

if we are uh are kingdom- minded to hold

this tension of hope

and mourning

and it's really true you know we you

will say it uh to people when you have

experienced loss you'll say I know they

are in a better place or I know God is

going to create a day where this will no

longer exist but it still hurts so

there's this reality that hope does not

invalidate mourning but it does provide

this frame for it.

You see uh

Weren one of the uh uh psychologists

actually gave us four tasks of grief. So

what are we talking about when we talk

about grieving? And why am I bringing up

four tasks? And the reason why is uh

grief and mourning isn't something we

really talk about a whole lot in church.

We don't actually give people a

framework for what it looks like. Um,

uh, you know, we're happy to talk about

the hope of the resurrection, which of

course we should do, but often we don't

actually give any framework for what

does mourning and grief actually look

like. And so these are are not gospel,

but I think they are a good a a good um

foundation for us to approach what grief

looks like. Number one, accept the

reality of the loss.

Now, as kingdom people, we realize the

reality of the loss is not necessarily

the finality, but we still need to

accept the reality of loss the side of

heaven. Process the pain of grief. And

in some environments, uh, faith has been

to ignore grief because that's a a bad

feeling. And so we ignore that because

we're supposed to be joyful. But

actually when he says to mourn, when

mourning is actually encouraged at an

appropriate time in the Bible, what it's

telling us is to process the pain of our

grief.

Adjust to a world without the deceased.

And that is so tough, isn't it? Anyone

who's lost anyone would know uh that you

have so many moments where your world is

different. It can be the smallest

things. My dad passed away when I was 12

and I remember one of the things I had

to get happen early was to actually move

his bike was still outside. who used to

often bike to work and it was sitting

outside and the the the problem was when

I got home from school my heart would

leap because I would see my dad's bike

and I for a split second I would think

dad's home from work early and then I

would remember no he's not and so

actually a part of me adjusting to a

world without him was like hey we need

to move that bike like I I can't see

that every day because uh it doesn't

mean I want to forget him but that

actually isn't helping me adjust pass to

this world without him. And uh it then

says find an enduring connection with

the deceased while embracing in a new

life.

So so tough.

And you know it's not that you lose that

connection with this with the deceased

but you do in one sense embrace impart a

new life. And uh my mom is an amazing

example of that. You know, I think uh

about 10 12 years after losing my dad,

she actually went over to Puerto Rico as

a missionary. You know, just embracing a

new life. Of course, she would have

loved to have had her husband with her.

And of course, she still found a way to

honor his memory, but she actually had

to embrace a new life.

I I realize this morning I've been

talking very specifically about mourning

and grieving those who have gone before

and that is going to lead into our

moment. But I do want to acknowledge I

know there will be people here who

Christmas is hard for a whole lot of

reasons. It may not necessarily be that

a loved one's uh gone on. It might be a

dream that you believe for that doesn't

look like it's being fulfilled. It might

be the fact that there are people alive

but you are totally disconnected from

them. and and in some instances they may

not be safe to be around. And so there

can be all kinds of things that we can

be mourning in a season. And as a

church, what we wanted to do was create

a space where we could do that together.

Because the good news in Matthew 5 is

that Jesus said this, "Blessed are those

who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are those who mourn for they

will be comforted.

See, even our bodies

are wired for this truth. I mean, when

you cry, the actual release of chemicals

in your in the body to make you feel

better. It's like as soon as you turn

your heart towards mourning, you are

actually wired to receive comfort. But

bigger than just a physiological thing,

it's actually the heart of God and his

spirit that comes along and comforts us

in our mourning.

And maybe sometimes we've been trying so

hard not to experience pain that we've

not entered into mourning that we're

actually not experiencing the comfort

that God is wanting to bring because we

are holding things at arms length

thinking that that is a response of

faith but actually not actually

realizing

that mourning is actually

the process and a step towards comfort.

In just a moment, what we're going to do

is actually have a time where I'm going

to invite those who are um who want to

um who are remembering a loved one this

Christmas to grab a flower from the

barrel at the back or from the top

corner up in the messy. And uh for the

mezzanine, we've actually uh put the

table up there. We just realized if you

have to walk down through the street,

open the door, it doesn't kind of um

work. So well um and so we've created

that space up for those in the mezzy and

and one either side here. And it might

be that you want to remember a loved

one. If that's not if there's something

else that you're grieving that you want

to grab a flower and come and place it

at on the table just as a sign of uh

remembrance and allowing the comfort of

the Holy Spirit to come then we would

love you to join us with that. So, in

just a moment, what I am going to ask is

that uh people stay in the auditorium.

We sort of just don't want the doors

opening and closing during that time.

So, if you do need to pop out, um I know

this is awkward because I've just

mentioned it, but now is a really good

time to do that. Um because uh yeah, we

just want to just for a few minutes have

that that space where um where we can uh

just take a moment

to mourn and to experience

the comfort of the comforter. That God's

heart is turned towards us when we

mourn.

That there is not a guilt in mourning.

It is an agreement with God's word that

not everything is well in this world.

But even as we take that flower and we

walk and we do remember that person or

that situation and it may hurt, it is

also remembering that there is great

hope in the name of Jesus

that God so loved the world that he gave

his only son that he would come near to

us. And so I'm just going to pray and

then after I've said a prayer, the

Kapahaka team are going to come and uh

we're they're actually going to lead us

or they're going to sing a wata and then

uh while they're doing that uh you're

welcome to uh go to the back either side

uh get a flower, come and place it up

the front um just in memory of someone

who's maybe not with us this Christmas.

Father, this morning, even as we pause

to mourn with those who mourn, we

acknowledge that you are here with us.

And Lord, we acknowledge that your heart

is drawn towards those who mourn. Lord,

your heart is drawn and you give

comfort. So, Holy Spirit, right now, I

pray for each person. Lord, for those

who are experiencing their first

Christmas, maybe without a loved one.

Lord, for those who are experiencing

loss in a new way, Lord, I pray you'd be

with them. Lord, for those who it may

not be new, it may be repeated, but it's

still a point of mourning and grieving.

Lord, I pray that you would join with

them also and be close to us in Jesus'

mighty name. Amen.