The Beauty of a Wife’s Submission in a Christ-Centered Marriage/ Ephesians 5:22-24

As we progress through the book of Ephesians, we now reach the household codes where we learn about God's plan for the family, beginning with wives, and next week we'll look at the role of husbands, then children, and so on and so forth.

All the husbands have emailed me exactly how they would like me to speak to their wives this morning.

Just kidding.

Husbands, your job this morning is to sit straight, keep eye contact with me, do not nudge your spouse, do not get in trouble.

But the beauty of just moving verse by verse through books of the Bible is we get to cover all of God's will for his people so we're not left in the dark.

So, no, we're not picking on any specific people group this morning, but we all want to know what is God's will for our lives and whatever roles and functions we find ourselves in.

Now, when we approach a text like this, every last one of us in this room approaches the Bible with presuppositions.

Some of us read into the Bible our Western American ideals.

Some of you here have been maybe poorly taught in the past about the role of a wife and a husband in marriage.

Many of you, unfortunately, have had bad earthly examples in your life, whether it was your own parents or people who were close to you growing up or in the church.

Or some of you might have understandings of the role of a wife that are more culturally influenced rather than biblically influenced.

And then there's those who also have had good examples.

Maybe your mom and dad were faithful believers who emulated what we see here in Ephesians chapter 5 to the glory of the Lord.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Or maybe you looked up to people in your church that you grew up in or came to faith in who you uh loved and who modeled this before you.

But whatever your context, when we come to Ephesians chapter 5, Paul here is painting a beautiful picture of the spirit-filled life as we learned last week.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

So sometimes what Christians do is they just go right to uh chapter 5, starting at verse 2022, and just focus on well, what does Paul directly say to wives and husbands?

But they forget, wait a minute, but Paul's argumentation is a part of an entire letter.

So what has been coming before this and what comes after helps you better understand your place in the story.

So Paul here is practically describing the spirit-filled life.

So last week we learned that all of us are called to, as believers, mutually submit to one another in the life of a church.

We're all used to submission.

We all are people under authority, whether it's our civil government or local authorities, we are you're a parent, we are all accustomed to some form of authority in society.

So Paul is giving these building blocks, so to speak, of as believers in Christ who have been united by the blood of Jesus, here's how you live unified and in submission to one another.

However, if you go back to chapter one, verse 22, real briefly, this connects to our passage today.

In chapter 1, verse 22, Paul makes it clear, and he subjected everything under his feet, referring to Jesus, and appointed him as head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of the one who fills all things in every way.

So all throughout the letter to the church in Ephesus, which likely would have been circulated to several churches in Asia Minor, Paul shows us that God's ultimate redemptive plan is to unite all things in the universe under Christ's headship, which includes marriage, family, everything that falls under the headship of Christ.

And that's what we're going to look at today.

But as all those things culminate in unification under Christ, they display the Lord's loving leadership and reflect God's greater purpose for humanity.

Now, if you're not familiar, Ephesians chapter 5 contains the longest sustained teaching on marriage in the entire New Testament.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

And so we should give it our careful attention.

So I'm just going to focus on verses 22 through 24, looking at the role of a wife's submission in marriage.

And next week we will look at the role of men.

So women get two verses, men, you get about eight.

So I should tell you something.

And depending on how my sermon prep goes, that might be a two-part series.

But the big idea I want us to see this morning is this.

According to Paul, according to God's word here in these verses, wise are to display the beauty of God's design by joyfully submitting to your husband as unto the Lord.

Let me read that again.

Wise are to display the beauty of God's design by joyfully submitting to your husband as unto the Lord.

Now, if you're sitting here and you're saying, Well, I'm not married, so this doesn't apply, I can take a nap.

No, this does apply to you.

Because if you're a member of a local church, you're called to help disciple the married people in your church.

And if you desire to be married one day, well, then you should be listening to how can I, from God's word, prepare myself to serve in the role of a wife or a husband one day.

But marriage, let's just start with a brief definition of marriage, so we're all on the same page.

Marriage, I would say, is a covenant of intimate companionship shaped by love, mutual devotion, and shared gospel ministry or partnership.

So marriage is a covenant of intimate companionship shaped by love, mutual devotion, and shared gospel ministry.

Now, starting in verse 22, Paul jumps right in after talking about as disciples of Christ mutually submitting to one another in verse 21.

He picks up in verse 22 wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

Now we have to start with what is biblical submission?

And I'm emphasizing biblical submission.

What is submission according to the Bible?

Well, before I get to a definition, let me just highlight two things.

Number one, authority is a God-ordained gift.

Authority is not inherently evil.

Why do I say that?

Well, because in our Western society, I think we have a default posture towards authority where we're suspicious of it.

Where if we see authority and power, we automatically want to stiff arm it, oppose it, or view it as if it is negative.

But according to the Bible, God ordained authority, and it is a gift to protect the vulnerable, to care for the vulnerable, and to resist evil.

Or think of it this way: God given authority is a gift because it means that God entrusted to some, uh entrusted authority to some so that in every sphere of life, someone bears the responsibility to lovingly care for and lead others.

So authority is a good gift.

And when people who have been entrusted with authority by God steward it to the glory of God and for the spiritual good of those under their authority, they resemble Jesus and how he uses his authority for the good of his people.

But when someone abuses their authority, well then they're lying about Jesus and how he stewards his authority.

Whether that's a husband, whether that's a politician, a parent, whoever, authority is a good gift.

Now, before we get into defining submission and getting into Paul's words here, we also need to just talk about a doctrine of Scripture.

Specifically, two aspects of Scripture.

That is Scripture's sufficiency and scripture's authority.

So for those of you who are in the Redeemer Institute, you should be able to answer these or define these two doctrines.

What does it mean that the Bible is sufficient?

One definition I would give is that the Bible, the Word of God that you hold in your hands this morning, contains all the words we need for salvation, for trusting in God perfectly, and for obeying God perfectly.

Does that make sense?

Everything you need to know to come to saving faith in Jesus, to honor the Lord perfectly, to joyfully obey him perfectly can be found in the Bible.

Okay, that's sufficiency, which means you don't need anything outside the Bible to accomplish those three things.

Second, the authority of Scripture.

The authority of Scripture means that all the words in Scripture are God's words in such a way that to disobey any word of Scripture is to disbelieve and disobey God.

So if the Bible is sufficient for everyone in this room to know how to come to faith in Christ and to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel so you know God's will for your life, to disobey God's authoritative word is to disbelieve the Lord and to disobey.

Now, why am I starting there before we get into submission?

Well, because we need to understand that we as human beings, we don't give the Bible its authority.

The Bible comes to us as authoritative.

It already comes as both sufficient and authoritative.

Therefore, our role is never to sit in judgment over the Bible and determine what we think is true and what we will obey and not obey.

Our role is to receive the word of God humbly, to submit to it, to ask for the Spirit's help to live it out, because it is the very words of God.

When God spoke everything into existence, that powerful word is the same thing you have in print in your Bible this morning.

So that's all important.

When we come to this text where Paul says in verse 22, wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

And this isn't just unique to Ephesians 5.

Paul says the same thing in Colossians 3.18, wives submit to your husbands, uh, submit yourselves to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

So this isn't just some, well, there's only one verse on it.

No, there's there's several, so we can't dodge it.

But let's, before I define biblical submission, why don't we start with what submission is not?

Since there's so many misconceptions out there and poor teaching, I just want to highlight seven.

Number one, submission is not, specifically the wife's submission to her husband.

Submission is not robotic compliance.

Submission is not robotic compliance.

It's not a wife's mindless obedience as if her husband is her God-ordained dictator and she's just a yes, well, not a yes man, but a yes woman.

It's not robotic compliance.

Two, submission is not agreeing with your husband on everything.

Godly submission allows room for respectful disagreement and honest dialogue.

As a matter of fact, a faithful, godly husband will invite his wife's opinion and wisdom and dialogue to help him lead better in making certain decisions.

So submission doesn't mean you just check your mind at the door and just say yes to whatever your husband says.

Third, submission is not silence.

A godly wife speaks honestly to her husband in love, offers wisdom, and actively participates in the life of her home as she serves her husband.

Fourth, submission is not the loss of a wife's influence.

Meaning a faithful wife powerfully shapes her home and husband and her children through her character, through her counsel and her prayer and her discipleship efforts.

Yes, a wife can disciple her husband because she's a Christian, his sister in Christ.

Fifth, submission is not permission for a husband to dominate or abuse his authority.

Headship is never in any circumstance a license for sin.

Any form of sinful control, manipulation, or harm is a distortion of God's design.

I'll get to that later.

Six submission is not earned by a husband's worthiness.

A wife submits to her husband out of respect and love for her savior, not because her hurt her husband has earned it.

Similar to we don't submit to local authorities simply because we think, well, they're they're they're worthy of my submission, so I will submit.

No, that's not how it works.

And number seven, submission is not for dating or engaged couples.

So for the singles in the room, if you enter into a romantic relationship or get engaged, the woman is not commanded to submit to you, gentlemen.

Ladies, you are not to submit to your boyfriend or fiance.

The Bible knows two categories: your brothers and sisters in the Lord, or you're married.

All the passages about submission and leadership and headship, that's for the covenant of marriage.

Well, you might think, well, how am I supposed to know if she's submissive if I she doesn't submit to me while we're dating?

Well, she should is she submissive to her savior?

Does she follow God's word?

Does she have a submissive spirit in following the Savior who purchased her on the cross?

Or if she has an earthly father in her life, look at how she submits to her father.

If God has sovereignly placed a man in her life to provide for her every need growing up, and she doesn't submit to him and doesn't submit to Christ, well then she's likely not going to submit to you.

But just to be clear, in dating and engaged relationships, submission is not a topic.

Now, what's the definition?

Here's my best attempt.

Submission is a wife's intentional and spirit-enabled decision to honor her husband's leadership with a heart posture of trust and worship toward God.

Let me just read that one more time.

Submission is a wife's intentional and spirit-enabled decision to honor her husband's leadership with a heart posture of trust and worship toward God.

I'm trying to capture a few things in that definition.

Number one, a wife's submission is a voluntary choice with intentionality to it.

It's also spirit-enabled.

And when a wife submits in a way that pleases the Lord because her heart posture is, I want to glorify my God, that's a work of the fruit of the spirit in her life.

And as she submits to her husband's leadership, she's honoring his God-ordained role as the head of the family.

So I see submission in the Bible more of a spirit-enabled heart posture rather than a box of wife checks as whether is she submitting or not.

A submission is a wife's intentional and spirit-enabled decision to honor her husband's leadership with a heart posture of trust and worship toward God because a wife's submission is ultimately and first to the Father.

Now, biblical headship and submission are about God's design for order in the home.

It's not a statement of worth, ability, or competency.

Husbands and wives, according to God's word, very clearly are equal in value and worth and dignity according to the Bible.

This is why 1 Peter 3:7 says, husbands in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as co-heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:7

There's your application so far, men.

If you are leading your wife in an ungodly, unloving way, abusing your authority, and you try to go to the Father in prayer, God's like, no, no, no, bro, you need to go love my daughter.

How are you gonna treat her that way and then try to come ask me for stuff?

You do harm to your own spiritual walk.

But Peter makes it clear: wives and husbands are co-heirs of the grace of life.

They're equal in God's eyes, but just serve in the household in different roles with different functions.

Now, Paul's words here in Ephesians 5, guys, are rather radical.

Like what he is teaching is counter-cultural.

Because in Paul's days, when he's writing this, wives were often viewed as inferior and expected to submit to their husbands without question and without dignity.

They had no dignity, they had no voice, they had no personal agency.

Their identity was wrapped up in who they were married to.

But Paul comes in as an apostle and he calls wives to submit as to the Lord, not as a lesser being, but as equal image bearers who willingly, willingly honor their husbands out of reverence for Christ.

So that's where his teaching gets radically different than the culture.

He's lifting the dignity of women and he's rooting submission in worship, not oppression.

So when people who aren't Christians try to criticize Christianity and they say, you know, the Christianity is the white man's religion, it's patriarchy, and all these other things, that just shows me you've never truly read and studied the Bible.

Because the reason why many people advocated for women's rights and all these things was because they were studying the scriptures and saw what the word of God said and wanted to implement that into society.

Here you have Paul, an apostle who was a Jew, who was accustomed to these things, uh, or the rather the opposite of what he's writing was the norm in society.

He comes in and says, Wait a minute, no, no, no, God's kingdom is an upside-down kingdom.

In the eyes of the Lord, the gospel unites all of us.

Remember, if we go all the way back to Ephesians 1 through 3, there's no more Jew, there's no more Greek, no more Gentile, no more male or female.

We're all in one in Christ Jesus.

So he's saying, and that applies to marriage.

You are one with your wife, you are joint heirs, you are equal, therefore treat each other as such.

And look at God's wisdom here.

Speaking to a very different culture, Paul adds the line, uh, your husbands, as to the Lord.

If you look down at verse 22, let's just break these in half real quick.

Wives submit to your husbands.

So typically in their society, a woman pretty much had to submit to almost any man.

Any man had more authority and dignity than a woman, but Paul comes in and says, No, no, no, no.

You submit not to any and every man, you submit to your husband.

That was radical.

But he adds the phrase, as to the Lord.

A wife's submission is always first to her savior.

When I see things like that, I'm like, man, look at the love and wisdom of God.

He's adding like this protection clause to say, yes, I will providentially place this man in your life as your head to lead and guide you according to my design for marriage.

But in case he gets, in case he gets out of pocket, you submit to him as to me.

What does that mean?

As to the Lord, essentially, you follow his leadership until he leads you to do something that's contrary to my word.

If your husband, whether he is a believer or a non-believer, asks you to do anything that is a clear violation of God's will for his children, you do not submit to him.

Now, ladies, that does not mean you pull out, you know, a pan and smack them over the head and say, I follow Jesus, right?

You can still, even in that situation, lovingly try to disciple him, help them see God's word and how he's leading in a poor, sinful manner.

But if your husband ever asks you to do anything sinful, let's just get practical.

If your husband says, you know what, if we just, if we just edit our taxes a little bit, we'll get a larger refund, you don't follow that.

If your husband leads you to do anything that is sinful, anything that would displease the Lord and grieve the spirit, you are not to submit.

It would be unloving of you to submit to that.

Because you were called to be one of the chief disciplers of your husband.

So if you look turn a blind eye to sin, how are you helping him look like Jesus?

So Paul, Jesus or the Spirit through Paul gives gives women this protection clause, the father protecting his daughters.

You submit to your husband as to the Lord.

But notice in these two verses, he says, Why submit to your husbands as to the Lord?

Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.

He is the savior of the body.

Notice that Paul does not base his argument of the wife's submission on culture or societal norms.

Paul's reason for the wife's submission to her husband is theological in nature.

He centers the wife's submission on the God-appointed leadership role given to the husband, which is found in the creation account in Genesis.

If you remember when God created Adam, 50% of humanity, everything was good up until he created Adam, wasn't it?

He creates everything, all the animals, the sky, water, all of it.

And he's like, it's good, it's good, it's good.

Then he makes Adam, and then finally something was not good, was it?

Man should not live alone.

He created Adam to exercise dominion over the earth and to cultivate the earth.

And then he said, It's not good for him to be alone.

So what did he do?

I love how Paul describes this in 1 Corinthians chapter 11.

1 Corinthians 11 · chapter mention

1 Corinthians 11, Through nine, Paul describes the different role of man and woman.

He says, For man did not come from woman, but woman came from man.

Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for the sake of man.

Now, us Western Americans might hear that and start getting a little uncomfortable.

What Paul is saying is no, no, no, no.

They're they're equal.

He's already said that elsewhere throughout scripture, but he's saying God created Eve out of Adam to come alongside Adam to help him be what he was called to be.

And Adam had a role in leading and protecting and shepherding Eve.

That's why he's saying woman came from Adam and not the other way around.

So he's saying man was not made for woman, woman was made for man.

Does that make a woman inferior to a man?

Absolutely not.

It just means they're equals with different functions and roles.

And that is how God designed the family.

We gotta keep in mind, friends, God created the ordinance of marriage, which means he owns the intellectual rights to marriage, which means we have no right to try to edit and customize and change things around.

We receive what God has created and we ask for the Spirit's help.

How can I live this out to the glory of God and for the good of my spouse?

So that way I receive all of God's grace as I function according to my God-ordained role in the home.

So he makes it clear man did not come from woman, but woman came from man.

But then in verse 23, Paul gives us the reason for the wife's submission.

Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, he is the savior of the body.

Now, there's two important words in verse 23.

Because the husband is the head of the wife, and then as Christ is the head of the church.

This is a theological reality that just is.

He doesn't say because the husband is the head if you allow him to be.

No, he says the husband is the head.

Now, we'll get to this in a moment.

I'm trying to stay on track.

There's so much I can say.

But he makes it a theological reality.

This is something that just drops down from heaven to you, friends.

He is the head.

Whether you will like it or not, whether you agree or not, even husbands, whether you think of yourself as the head of your home or not, you are because the word of God says you are.

Now we got to make sure we understand that biblical submission is not harsh or oppressive, or rather, it should never be.

And it's not something a husband has to earn.

God has sovereignly assigned husbands that role.

And notice too, especially in these passages, but elsewhere where we see marriage spoken about in the scriptures, scripture doesn't argue for headship and submission.

It just presents the data.

So we don't see Paul trying to be persuasive and convince his audience of headship and submission.

It simply is presented to them as part of God's good design for the family.

This is important, friends, because even in many churches and even many professing Christians who are sincere believers have been swept up by the culture, by their church traditions, and have been tempted to dismiss God's word and the wisdom of church history in exchange for family dynamics that are more politically correct or more socially acceptable instead of just submitting to what God's word has revealed to them.

But God's design has never needed the approval of the world to be good and wise and God-honoring.

So no matter what the world might say about the role of a wife in a Christian household, we should have a desire to submit to the word of God because we trust this is what God has best for me.

The world does not.

And wives, your godly submission to your husband and first to the Lord is both service to your family and worship to your God.

Let me just give a few practical reasons why I believe biblical submission is good that I see throughout the New Testament.

Number one, it aligns your life with God's good design for you and your household, leading to spiritual peace and fruitfulness in your home.

Two, it nurtures humility and Christlieness, shaping you into the image of Jesus.

If Jesus was a member of the Godhead and yet he voluntarily submitted to the Father to come to earth and to die on a cross to save sinners, well then certainly we can follow his example.

Three, it invites God's grace into your home.

Because joyful obedience to the Lord always brings blessing.

Do you want your home to be blessed by the Lord?

Then walk in joyful obedience to your God.

Four, it cultivates unity and order, helping prevent power struggles in the home and confusion about who's the head, who's the leader, who's doing this and doing that.

Five, it encourages and strengthens your husband, empowering him to grow in a god and godly leadership and responsibility.

You want to help your husband feel like he's a real life superhero?

Empower his leadership through your godly submission.

Help him grow into all he's been called to be.

Number six, it models the gospel to your children, showing them what joyful trust in God's authority looks like.

Not just giving lip service to it, but living it out before their eyes.

Here's a question to ask yourselves, ladies.

Whether you have kids or you desire to have kids in the future, are you modeling before your children the type of God-honoring, submissive posture that you would hope your son would one day marry a woman like that?

What he sees in you?

Or are you modeling before your girls the type of character and heart of a woman that you would hope her to be to a man one day in the covenant of marriage?

These are things we gotta ask ourselves, even us as men, how I'm leading in my home, am I the type of man that I would want my daughter to marry one day?

These are good things to ask ourselves, to examine our hearts.

Seven, it becomes a powerful witness to unto an unbelieving or struggling husband.

If you're married or you know someone who's a follower of Jesus who's married to an unbeliever, their godly submission to their unbelieving husband could be an evangelistic opportunity to bring that brother to faith in Jesus Christ.

And yes, we are called, ladies are called to submit to their unbelieving husbands.

We'll get to that in a moment.

But even if a husband is a believer, but he's struggling in his leadership, he's not as mature as you might think he should be.

He's not trying to be the spiritual leader God calls him to be.

Your godly submission to him is a witness before his eyes of the character of Christ, hopefully calling him to obedience to God's word.

Those are a few practical thoughts.

But notice in verse 23, he starts with, because the husband is the head of the wife, but then he adds, as Christ is the head of the church, he is the savior of the body.

A wife's example, a wife's model of her submission is always Jesus Christ, her savior.

Keep that in mind, ladies.

I think sometimes a struggle women have is their eyes are too fixated on their husband when they need to look just a little bit higher and look to Christ.

Yes, I love this man God placed in my life, and he's a work in progress, praise be to God.

But when I look up a little higher, I see the one who's completing the work of sanctification he's begun in my husband.

So when I see his shortcomings and his failings, I look at, I look at verse 22 and I remember, well, wait a minute.

I'm submitting to him as the head of my family, as Christ is the head of me in the church.

So when we, the senior pastor of Redeemer Church is Jesus Christ, and we submit to Jesus because he purchased us on the cross.

I hope no one in this room says, Well, I'm gonna submit to Jesus as long as it's like convenient for me or what he asked me to do is comfortable and not too difficult.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We submit to Christ because he's Christ.

Now I'm not saying your husband's Christ, y'all already know that.

But he is to follow the example of Christ.

But when we look at verse 24, he continues this theme of uh connecting Jesus' example and his headship over the church with the wife's submission.

Verse 24.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wise are to submit to their husbands in everything.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, notice how he phrases that.

It's he's he's wording that as if this is just commonplace.

This is what the church does.

The church submits to Christ.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so just how that relationship works between the body of Christ and its savior, how there's no questioning his authority, you recognize Jesus as your head, you don't question that.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

Oh Lord, what does that mean?

The qualifying phrase in everything naturally is gonna raise a lot of questions.

Are wives literally to submit to their husbands in everything?

Wear those shoes, don't buy that, only buy 2% milk.

Like, how does that work, right?

I think what Paul is clearly saying here, when you connect it to what he has said previously, how he's describing headship and what he says in other of his writings, I think what Paul means is submit to your husband in every sphere of life, so to speak.

So in edic every category of life.

So a wife's career choice, uh, how she manages the home, parenting.

I believe God puts the primary responsibility on the husband to set the trajectory of his leadership or the trajectory of his vision for the family, and the wife submits to that.

So that's where he carries primary responsibility in those categories, career, parenting, managing the household, et cetera.

But that does not mean he micromanages.

So, for example, just to be practical, let's say the husband is the one who sets the budget for the family and says we got X amount of dollars to spend on groceries every month.

That doesn't mean he shadows his wife around Costco and says, Nope, not that, not that, not that.

Okay, you can buy that.

And she's just sitting there, like, am I allowed to get this?

No, that's that's not submission.

That's not headship.

But rather, in areas where the husband will one day stand before Jesus Christ and give an account for how he led his home, he carries primary responsibility over those categories of life.

And his wife, as a faithful gospel partner in ministry, comes alongside him to help him function in his role and in hers.

So, what does that look like in the life of a home?

We got to get practical with some of these things.

I would say that the Bible clearly defines our roles.

Husbands lead and wives follow, but it gives freedom in how those roles are lived out in daily life.

But the guiding principle for every Christian marriage is love and mutual service, or rather, love expressed through mutual service.

What do I mean by that?

Now I'm not saying wives don't lead.

I think every human being has a has a bit of uh influence and leadership.

But it some of us have more influence and responsibility than others, especially husbands and fathers.

Biblical submission means that the husband bears the primary responsibility to lead his family under God, and a godly wife comes alongside him, helping, encouraging, and strengthening him to faithfully fulfill that role.

So let me give a few practical thoughts of how this could be fleshed out.

Number one, I think as Christians, you should not feel obligated, and I want to be careful how I say this, I want to be charitable, but don't recreate your parents' marriage by default.

What I mean is a lot of Christians, what they do is they say, well, my dad always did this, and so that's what I'll do.

Or my mom always did this, and so that's what I'm gonna do.

Now, if it's a positive, very godly example, and and you feel the Lord's gifted you in that, praise God.

Absolutely.

That's that's what emulate uh imitating before our children is for, right?

To disciple them and prepare them.

But what I mean is there's some situations where, well, maybe your dad was particularly gifted in a particular in an area, and you're not as strong in that area.

So it might not be wise for you to just try to copy and paste what you grew up seeing instead of considering, well, how has God gifted the wife he's given me, and how has he gifted me, and let's come together and design our family.

So on that note, consider when you're building a marriage, consider how God has gifted each of you.

So as Christians, we need to be discerning.

Many of us have just received the culture's views on marriage, and we just try to sprinkle some Christianity on it.

So, for example, the norm in our society is the man works and provides, and the wife does all the cooking, manages the household, changes the diapers.

Did you know there's not nothing necessarily in the Bible that defines roles specifically just like that?

The Bible gives us principles.

So, for instance, I know I pick on this phrase a lot, but I just don't like the phrase, he's a hands-on dad.

There's nothing in the Bible that says only a wife is intentional with the children and changing diapers and caring for children.

If a father is intentional and keep keeping and or helping rather his wife with the kids, that is completely appropriate.

If a man is more gifted at cleaning the house, that is not him functioning as a wife, that's him being helpful to his spouse.

What I'm trying to get at here is we don't need to just receive cultural norms that the Bible has not instructed us in.

You, with the help of your spouse, put your heads together and think through what would best serve our family?

How are we best gifted?

So, for example, if your wife is just more savvy with finances, it is completely appropriate to let her manage the budget.

You, as the husband, you can still lead in that.

But if she's gifted in that, why would you not leverage your spouse's gifts that the Lord has entrusted to her for the betterment of your family and your personal leadership?

So I'm just trying to say, let's be careful not to read culture into the Bible, but rather look at, okay, scripture gives us some guardrails, so to speak.

It makes clear whose role is what and how we are to function.

But some of the nitty-gritty practicalities is gonna look different in every single Christian home.

So that's why we got to be careful sometimes not to be uh subtly self-righteous and judge other Christians.

Some Christians take strong views on every Christian family should homeschool their kids.

I don't think you can argue that from the Bible.

If that's your choice based on your conscience, praise be to God.

But we also got to be careful.

People ask me often, well, the Bible says a woman shouldn't work outside the home.

Well, I would disagree with that.

I would say if a wife can study the Bible and look at her role and function according to scripture and still pursue career A, B, or C while giving God the glory in her role, that's fine.

But if that career choice is gonna hinder her ability to love and serve her husband and her children, well then she has a problem.

But that's a whole nother sermon for another day.

So let's be more biblical than cultural, is what I'm getting at.

So hopefully that's that's helpful.

Consider how the Lord has gifted each of you and lead your home accordingly.

Don't let the culture mandate how your home functions.

There are certain things that my wife is far more gifted in the Lord than I am, and I am grateful for that.

I have learned to appreciate that so that I can focus on where I'm good.

And then there's ways, there's areas where men, you're gonna be weak, and that's not an excuse to then just dump that on your wife.

You might need to work and grow, but that's the beauty of marriage.

You come alongside each other to glorify God in your home.

Now, even though the gospel of Jesus Christ and his love for his church is the example of the man's leadership and the wife's submission, we have to be honest and recognize because sin is in our hearts, there are challenges to a wife's submission, isn't there?

Wives don't say amen, just keep looking straight.

There are challenges to a wife's submission to her husband.

So I want to address some of these.

For example, what if a wife is married to an unbelieving husband?

Well, praise be to God that the word of the Lord addresses this in 1 Peter 3, 1 through 2.

Peter says, in the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, so that even if some disobey the word, which I believe contextually he's referring to unbelieving husbands, they, the unbelieving husband, may be won over without a word by the way their wives live when they observe your pure, reverent lives.

So Peter says, you know, if your husband's an unbeliever and you come to faith, that doesn't mean you divorce him and just leave, but rather, like live a godly life before him and be the light to him, because he might see the change in you, and the Lord might use you as an instrument to bring him to saving faith.

Now, if you know anyone in that context, if you're in that context, this is not a promise.

That doesn't mean you're guaranteed to save your husband, but you don't know if the Lord will or will not save your husband, and therefore you try to evangelize anyone in your life who doesn't know the Lord.

Amen.

And praise God that He does that, He uses that.

I know people personally whose testimonies are that.

Men who have come to faith through the witness of their godly wives.

Another challenge to submission, some ladies might say, My husband is not respectable.

I'll only submit when he's worthy of my respect.

I understand sometimes the temptation towards that heart posture, but if we just want to be honest with the Bible, that is a sinful and prideful heart posture.

You, as a wife, as a Christian, do not stand in authority and judgment over the Bible and determine whether or not you submit to your husband, you follow God's word to glorify your Savior.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are situations where it will be very difficult for a wife to submit to her husband.

If you have a husband or know someone who has a husband who professes faith in Christ and yet he lives a hypocritical lifestyle, where in church he's one way and at home he's abusive, he's sinful, and does not seek to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel, and tells you not to tell anyone, but rather to keep it to yourself.

You were not to submit to that, you should speak out for his spiritual good.

Another struggle some have is I'll only submit in areas where he is more competent or skilled than I am.

So I'll submit, but okay, he he's not really sharp on this in this category.

So I'll I'll submit to all this other stuff, but no, I'm not handing this over.

Well, ladies, I would just respectfully say that's not submission, that's selective submission.

What you can do is you can help him say, sweetheart, maybe can we have a conversation about this?

But ultimately, you entrust yourself to the Lord and leave the leadership to him, even if you disagree.

So, no, we can't submit only where we think he's more competent or skilled than us, because submission, remember, is not rooted in cultural norms, it's not rooted in competency, skills, wisdom, and knowledge.

It's rooted in God's design for the family all the way back in Genesis.

And I'm sorry, ladies, some of us husbands, yes, we are a bit dull and foolish, but help us.

Another challenge to submission my husband is passive.

So I will not submit to him and follow his leadership because he's not a spiritual leader.

Sometimes these ladies are tempted to nag their husbands, to read their Bibles more, to take their faith more seriously, to be more intentional in discipling the kids.

I see this probably most often in the life of a church, and probably this one breaks my heart the most.

Because to one degree, I can sympathize with these women.

At the same time, sanctification by nagging is sinful and does not work.

The Bible is clear the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

I see nagging sometimes as a form of sinful anger.

Sometimes in these homes, the wife becomes a domineering wife, she's the type of woman.

Where people will look look at that home and say, Yeah, she wears the pants.

Unfortunately, this is an issue that has plagued churches all across America, where men idly sit on their hands and are content with the bare minimum and are not intentionally leading their homes.

I would say they get their sermon next Sunday.

But we need to pray for these types of women.

We need to encourage these sisters to guard their hearts from sinful bitterness and anger.

And we need to encourage these men they might be married to who are passive and recognize maybe they haven't been discipled before.

Maybe they've never seen a godly example in their lives.

That was my testimony.

It wasn't until I was 20, mid-20s, joined a healthy church where I first saw a man who loved God, loved his wife and his children.

So we don't know people's stories.

However, we all as a church family have a role to play in helping every last one of us live out God's will for our lives, no matter what station we find ourselves in, whether that be husband or wife.

So to encourage you ladies, if you are contentious and refuse to follow the leadership of your husband, you are in rebellion against God.

Point Blake, period.

First Corinthians 11, 3 says, But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ.

That is the order.

That is God's wisdom.

If we oppose any of that, we are opposing God.

That goes for wives, that goes for husbands.

Sisters, do not, I beg you, do not voluntarily oppose God's design for your spiritual flourishing.

To oppose anything in God's word that has been clearly revealed is to do spiritual damage to your own sanctification and to all those you have influence over.

And keep in mind, let me let me read 1 Corinthians 11 3 one more time.

Paul says, But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man.

Your husband is ultimately accountable to Jesus Christ.

And the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Wait a minute.

Is God the Father greater than God the Son and God the Spirit?

No.

They all have their own roles and functions, and they act accordingly with complete joy and unity and harmony and love.

And ladies, you are not more significant than Jesus.

If the Savior of the world voluntarily submitted to God the Father, putting on flesh, living for three years on earth, being abused and ultimately murdered to save you, and he never once rebelled against God's order for his life, certainly you haven't should follow example.

You are not more significant than Jesus, neither is your husband.

Jesus voluntarily submitted to the Father to save some.

Now, what do you do if you have a poor leader?

If you have a husband who's not striving for all that God calls him to do and being the leader of your home, my main encouragement to you, or if you know someone in that situation, is to encourage them to follow the example of Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ endured suffering and pain and affliction.

And according to 1 Peter, what did he do in that situation?

Entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.

You might be vindicated in the next life and not this one, and that's okay.

I think as Christians, sometimes we need to have a bigger picture of eternity.

That doesn't mean you just suffer abuse or sin or just poor leadership in the present.

You you beseech your husband, you implore him to obedience to God's word, but ultimately you entrust yourself to God.

And go snitch on your husband too.

That's completely appropriate.

You can pray and say, Lord, look at my you see him, look what he's doing and not doing.

Convict him and leave it to the Lord and trust that he will answer your prayer because he loves you and he loves your husband, especially if you purchase him on the cross.

You know, ladies, here's a good test.

If you to know how deeply you truly trust in God's sovereignty, look at how you respond when you disagree with your husband's leadership.

Submitting in moments when you disagree is an act of faith because you're saying, okay, this isn't a sin issue.

I disagree.

I have respectfully and lovingly voiced my disagreements to provide helpful counsel, not to oppose, to provide helpful counsel, but ultimately he makes the decision, and I'm entrusting myself to the Lord.

I trust that God is the one ultimately leading my family, even when your husband gets it wrong.

A godly wife doesn't come back and say, No, I told you, see?

It's like, no.

You submit, entrusting yourself to the care of the Lord for the good of your husband.

And this strengthens your household.

And how where does all this flow from?

Is Paul just giving directions just to just to give out roles and functions?

No, no, no, no.

He's connecting this all to the gospel of Jesus Christ, isn't he?

Submission flows from the gospel because it reflects Christ's obedience and his submission to the Father.

Christ did not earn God's love, but because we've already received God's love, we follow his example, specifically wise follow Jesus' example.

You don't submit to earn your husband's love.

You submit because you love the Father.

And even when husbands fail, and they will, you remember, but ultimately Christ is ahead of my family and he never fails.

And we all have experienced brokenness in our marriages, or we have seen broken marriages.

And that's why, friends, we help each other follow Jesus and we long for the return of Jesus.

When he will make all things right, marriage is only a picture, it's a picture of a heavenly reality.

But once we're with Jesus on the new heaven and the new earth, there will be no more marriage.

Maybe some of you didn't know that.

There will be no marriages in heaven.

Don't amen that.

There will be no more marriages in heaven.

You will live with your now spouse as your brother or sister in Christ for all eternity.

Some of you might have been confused by that line in the second song we sang where it says, like a broom waiting for her groom.

It's actually a very beautiful picture because in Jewish society, marriage ceremonies were the other way around.

It was the bride who would wait for the groom to come out.

He was the one everyone was waiting to come during the ceremony, and we all would celebrate that.

That is what we are doing as the bride of Christ.

We are waiting for our groom, Jesus Christ, to return for his church, where we will see what was once a picture of a reality, where now we have the reality before our eyes for all eternity.

No more broken headship, no more broken submissiveness, but rather pure devotion to Jesus.

Amen.

Let's pray.