God’s Design for Husbands: A Call to Christlike Leadership

Well, as we continue through the book of Ephesians this morning, we will look at the role of the husband as the head of his home.

If you weren't here last week, I would encourage you to go back and listen to that sermon on the wife's submission and what that looks like according to God's design.

These sermons are all going to build upon each other.

So last week we looked at submission of the wife.

This morning we're going to look at what does it mean that the husband is the head of his home.

The following Sunday, we'll look at what that looks like practically in the life of a family when a husband leads.

And then after that, we will just focus on what does it mean to leave and cleave.

So today we're going to focus on headship.

So uh this will be more of a theological sermon, I guess you could say.

I'm going, we're going to look at Ephesians 5, specifically 25 through 23.

But what I really want to focus on, what does it mean according to the Bible, that the husband is the head of his home?

There's so many teachings out there, some cultural, some Christian tradition, but we need to understand what God means when he says that the husband is the head as Christ is the head of his church.

So this morning we're going to focus on answering that question.

And when we look at this passage, we got to be careful.

We don't want to study these passages out of their context or use them as proof text for a topical study.

So what I mean by that is, as Christians, a lot of times when we want to learn about marriage, we just look up passages like Ephesians 5, 25 through 23 and just look at what did Paul say to husbands and wives.

But you got to remember this is a paragraph in an entire letter.

So we want to understand what has Paul or God through Paul been saying through the entire epistle to the Christians in Asia Minor.

And when we look at the completed epistle, we see this.

God's chief goal, according to Paul, is to bring everything in the universe back under the headship of Christ.

And marriage under the headship of the husband is an important part of God's overarching plan of unifying all things.

So when you go back to chapters one through three, you see Paul making it clear Christ has purchased on the cross the unity of the church.

There is no more Jew or Greek, male or female.

We're all one in Christ Jesus.

And he emphasizes the responsibility of churches to preserve the unity of the bond of peace.

So after he says all of that and makes a theological argument for that from the gospel, he then starts applying that theme of unity under Christ's headship to practical areas of life, such as the home, the workplace, and so on.

So as we look at our text this morning, we're gonna jump around.

I'm gonna be moving fast.

So for you note takers, just hit me up afterwards.

I'll be happy to send my outline to you.

But I want us to look at the scriptures from Genesis all the way to the end and answer the question: what is headship according to God's design?

But as a brief refresher, last week I defined marriage, excuse me, as a covenant of intimate companionship between a man and a woman shaped by love, mutual devotion, and shared gospel ministry.

And I define submission, the wife's submission to her husband specifically, as submission is a wife's intentional and spirit-enabled decision to honor her husband's leadership with a heart posture of trust and worship toward God.

Now, why focus the whole sermon on defining what is a husband's headship?

Well, if you look down in verse 23, Paul says the reason a wife is to submit to her husband as to the Lord, verse 23, his reasoning is because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

He is the savior of the body.

Paul doesn't make an argument for the husband's headship.

He doesn't try to give persuasive reasoning as why the husband is the head.

He simply states it as a matter of fact.

Wives are to submit, that is a stated fact, because, verse 33, the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

So I think it would be helpful to ask the question and answer the question.

So, what does Paul, what does God mean when he says that man is the head?

Now, we're gonna walk through, as I said, through the Bible, and I want to give some biblical evidence here for male headship.

Why?

Well, because there's some Christians who mean well, but they'll say, well, the role of man and woman, that was just cultural, but today uh gender roles and marriage are neutral.

We mutually submit to each other.

Paul does talk about mutual submission earlier in these and and um before this passage where he talks about marriage.

However, mutual submission does not alienate different roles and functions within certain parameters.

So I want to I want to address some misconceptions and also hold up, hopefully, the beautiful picture of what we find in God's word.

But here's something that's interesting when I look at uh the situation in Genesis when God created man and woman in his own image.

When God created Adam, notice that Adam never asked for a wife, did he?

Like God gave Adam the cultural mandate to exercise dominion over the earth, to name the animals and all these things, and Adam's going about his business, but he never asked God for a wife.

I I've heard some pastors sometimes preach on that text and they'll say, Well, Adam was naming the animals, and he noticed there was a male giraffe, a female giraffe, a male lion, a female lion, and then he noticed, Well, I don't have a companion.

I think we got to be careful about that.

The text does not tell us that.

As far as we could tell, Adam was completely content.

Scripture gives us no hint that Adam was discontent in his singleness before Eve.

He doesn't ask for a wife.

It it is God who declared in Genesis, it is not good for man to be alone.

And by God's sovereign will, he created the woman as a suitable helper for Adam, which is further evidence that marriage is God's design, not man's.

God was the one who looked at Adam and said, That brother's gonna need some help, creates a helpmate for him.

Well, Adam is just chilling, like most of us do.

It's like we're just gonna do our task, thinking we can do it on our own.

But God looked at that and said, No, he needs a helper, and I will make him one and bring them into a covenant of marriage.

So as we walk through this, we talked about last week, we have to recognize God owns the intellectual rights to marriage, not us.

None of us has any right to customize marriage, to change the parameters that God has set for marriage, because it's not something we created, it's something we receive from God's word.

Which is why I highlighted the importance of Christians understanding the doctrines of the authority of Scripture and the sufficiency of Scripture.

If the Bible is sufficient for you as a Christ follower to know everything you need to know for salvation and how and how to walk in a manner pleasing to the Lord, then it's also authoritative, meaning you receive God's word and seek God's help to obey it.

You don't receive it and then assess what you want to hold to and what you don't want to hold to.

But let me start by just giving some biblical evidence for male headship.

Number one, in Genesis 2, God names all the elements of creation.

You might be saying, well, what does that have to do with male headship?

When God created day and night, heaven and earth, he sovereignly named all of these things in the created order as a sign of his sovereignty.

The fact that God is naming stuff shows he has the authority over those things by creating them and then giving them their name and their purpose.

Well, in a similar pattern, what does Adam do?

Adam is given the charge to name the animals, and then ultimately he names the woman.

And God, notice this, when you read the Genesis account, God doesn't correct Adam.

When Adam names his wife, God doesn't say, hold on, bro, that's not your responsibility or authority.

So similar in pattern to the Lord, Adam names the animals, exercising his authority and dominion over them.

He names the woman, and God does not correct him, rebuke him.

And keep in mind, Genesis written to its original audience, the Israelites, they would have clearly realized the pattern there of wait, Adam seems to be reflecting in in some measure the same sovereign authority as God, continuing the pattern of headship established by the Creator Himself.

Now, to be clear, just because Adam named his wife doesn't mean he has dominion over her as he might of the animals, but it does show a distinction clearly.

Or another thought would be headship and a wife submission, or I'm sorry, here's another argument against biblical headship.

They will uh some who would deem themselves as egalitarians, the fancy word, you don't need to know it, but some who argue for neutral gender roles will say, well, all that headship stuff, that's a product of the fall.

So that wasn't God's original design.

All that stuff came in about the man being the head of his home and wives having to submit.

That was because of Genesis 3.

Okay, let's let's talk about that.

Headship and a wife's submission, I would suggest, are not results of the fall.

The distortion of them is the role of husband and wife is good and should be celebrated.

But however, because of the fall, there are distortions, which we'll talk about later.

But in Genesis 3.16, God warns that sin will twist the relationship between husband and wife.

In Genesis 3.16, when God pronounces curses on Adam and Eve for their rebellion, he specifically says to Eve, Your desire will be for your husband.

Now you might read that and think, oh, praise God.

She's gonna desire her husband.

That is awesome.

That's not what God meant.

Now you don't need to know Greek or Hebrew to understand the Bible.

By God's grace, we have faithful English translations, but if you're not familiar, the Old Testament is primarily written in Hebrew, and the New Testament was written in what's called Koyanea Greek, and our English Bibles have been translated from those languages.

That's helpful to know because when you look at the Hebrew Bible, in Genesis 3.16, that word for desire is the same word that is later used in Genesis 4, when Jesus, or I'm sorry, when when um when Genesis 4 says, sin is crouching at the door and its desire is for you.

Now there it's used in a negative light, isn't it?

That word means that the product of the fall is that now God's design for the home is flipped upside down.

The husband will now be tempted to dominate his wife and abuse his authority, and the wife will be tempted to dominate her husband and usurp his authority.

That is the byproduct of their sin that they brought into marriage, on top of the man uh pursuing his vocation with hardship and sweat because of the earth being cursed due to their sin.

So again, headship and submission are not products of the fall, but they certainly have been distorted because of the fall, which means the issue isn't headship itself, but rather how sin has corrupted man's leadership.

Another example would be, or an argument from the Bible in the creation account of man's headship, is who did God come looking for when Adam and Eve rebelled?

Adam was held primarily responsible for the fall.

In Genesis 3 9, God calls out to the man, Where are you?

He does not say, Where is Eve?

Where are you?

Even though chronologically Eve sinned first, didn't she?

That's why y'all gotta be careful.

If you're out there saying, Man, the world would be in a better place if it wasn't for Eve just eating that fruit.

No, the world would be in a better place if Adam stepped up and was a man of God as he was called to and to protect his wife.

Adam was held primarily responsible, even though uh Eve sinned first.

As a matter of fact, Paul later says, Eve was deceived.

Adam was the one.

We don't know what interactions Adam and Eve had, but what we do know from the Genesis account is God, before Eve was already even on the scene, God gave Adam the directive of what he was to do.

So as the head of his family, it was his job to translate the word of God to his wife so that they could follow the Lord.

And he failed, which is why when God came looking, he said, Where are you?

He came looking for someone in particular, and that was Adam.

So in contrast, think about this.

In contrast, Satan, when he tried to destroy humanity, what did he do?

He approached Eve, not Adam.

Friends, Satan knows more of the Bible than you ever will.

You can do all the I rebuke Satan and all that.

Satan knows more theology than you ever will.

The only difference is he doesn't have saving faith.

Satan knew exactly what he was doing.

Instead of going to the head, he went to the wife, Eve, to intentionally tempt her to reverse God's order upside down, to overturn God's created order of headship.

Essentially, he was trying to get Eve to be the head.

And because she gave in to that temptation, here we are gathering on a Sunday to learn more about our sin and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Another example, according to the word of God, Eve was created for Adam, not the other way around.

The Bible never says that Adam was created for Eve, but it does say that Eve was created for Adam.

In Genesis 2.18, the text says, it is not good for the man to be alone.

I will make him a helper corresponding to him.

This doesn't refer to Eve just existing for a particular task to accomplish, but rather he God was saying Eve's ongoing role and function by design as a wife is to help support and serve her husband.

God created her for the primary purpose of supporting Adam in the directive God gave to Adam, that they both would partner in, but who Adam was primarily responsible for.

So God created Eve to support Adam as his helper.

His compliment, Paul affirms this, and you should write this one down.

1 Corinthians 11 9.

You can't get away from this.

Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for the sake of man.

Now, in our culture, people will hear that and say, oh, that's the patriarchy.

Man oppressing women.

Friends, if you study the Bible, you will realize the scriptures is the most pro-woman resource we have in existence.

Because what God is doing in designing the role of husband and wife is actually for their flourishing, for the flourishing of society, and He's wise enough to put in these parameters, these guardrails and protections to make sure, husband, you're accountable to me to reflect me in your home.

Wives, you're accountable to me to reflect me in your homes.

Any abuse of God's design is sinful.

Now, even though the text tells us that Eve was created for Adam and not Adam for Eve, let me be clear, that does not mean that a wife's identity is found in her husband.

That would contradict the scripture.

If you're in Christ, your identity is found in Jesus Christ.

Whether you're single, whether you're married, your identity is found solely in your Savior.

But if you are married, you have this privileged role of being able to look at a manual that says, here's what you're called to do.

So that way you don't got to customize it on your own.

You don't got to grope in the dark to figure out what I am supposed to do as a Christian wife or husband.

You look to the word of God.

But to be clear, God's design does not mean a wife's identity is found in her husband, but that her God-given role is to support and strengthen his leadership in the home, which is far from oppressive, but is rather a beautiful and celebratory design that leads to the flourishing of the whole family.

Just like if I if I bought a Tesla and took it to a gas station when the battery is low and tried to put some gasoline in it, you would look at me like, what are you doing?

That is not what that is designed for.

You're using it against its design.

Same goes with marriage.

If the word of God gives us clear roles and functions as husband and wife, and we choose, ah, I don't like that one, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do my own thing.

Well, then we're using God's gift in a way he never designed.

The point is, friends, when we look at gender roles and functions, we need to understand that these gender roles are rooted in the created order, not in the culture.

That is the argument some will make.

Well, Paul was just speaking to that group of people in that day and age, but now culturally we don't we don't do that anymore.

That is one of the weakest biblical arguments.

Because that hermeneutic doesn't work, friends.

Because I would ask, well, then how what rule do you use to determine what in the Bible you obey today and what you don't?

So if wise were supposed to submit then but not now, what hermeneutical rule are you using to decipher that?

What about when Jesus said that he was the only way to salvation?

Was that just for that audience in that day?

Or is that for us today as well?

So we got to be careful with that.

Gender roles are rooted in creation, not culture.

Biblical roles for men and women in marriage and the church are not cultural constructs, but rooted in Genesis 1 through 2.

So, for instance, arguments for things like so-called female pastors or gender-neutral roles in the home, these aren't just cultural preferences.

These are teachings that contradict or mishandle the clear teaching of Scripture.

And gender roles is not about gifting, it's not about value and worth, but it's about honoring God's good and wise design as presented to us in the biblical data.

So, in summary, headship is part of God's original design for the family in Genesis.

It is not a result of sin.

However, the fall didn't create it, but it did corrupt it.

But in Christ, we recover and reflect God's good design for the flourishing in the home with the help of the Holy Spirit.

And that's what I want to focus on the rest of this morning.

What is biblical headship?

What should it look like, and how can we pursue it?

So, what is it?

The Bible doesn't necessarily give us a chapter and verse that says, Here is the definition of a man's headship.

It's one of those things you survey the scriptures, you see teachings of of what it uh what it looks like, and you can piece together uh a definition.

Here's my attempt.

Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection and provision in the home.

I'll read that again.

Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection and provision in the home.

Now, let me just give that definition of a wife's submission again, according to the Bible.

Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.

Before we get into headship, I think it'd be wise to just talk about authority in general.

What is good authority and what does its abuses look like?

Friends, authority is God's idea and it is good.

We should not be suspicious of authority, we should not reject authority, because authority is designed by God and it is good.

God created authority not to To oppress, but to bless people.

In every sphere of life, whether it be government, whether it be the church, whether it be the home, he entrusts leadership for the purpose of protection, provision, and order.

This is why in Romans 13, the Word of God makes it clear that civil authorities are ordained by God.

And though they're filled with flawed, sinful people who abuse their authority, nonetheless, the institution itself is designed by God.

Just like a family.

A family is ordained by God.

God ordained the family and the church.

And though there are corruptions within both of those throughout the world, that doesn't mean that they are not gifts because God ordained them.

Abuse doesn't make authority evil.

It proves why godly leadership and authority is needed.

So, yes, some have used authority to dominate, to manipulate, to control, to cause harm, but we must not reject God's design because of man's distortion.

Instead, we should say this is exactly why we need more men to reflect the good authority of our Lord so that the world can see what that looks like, so that we can decry the wickedness of poor examples.

We don't judge the gift by its misuse.

I grew up in a context in the inner city of Southern California before I was a Christian and I hated the police.

I thought the police were the biggest gang in our city.

In hindsight, would I say that now as a Christian?

Absolutely not.

Just because I've had some bad interactions with police officers, do I say all police officers are evil?

That is foolish.

One bad abuse of authority doesn't mean we throw out authority all together.

We don't judge the gift by its misuse.

A scalpel in the hand of a skilled surgeon can bring healing, but in the wrong hands it can bring tremendous harm, can't it?

The problem isn't the tool, the problem is how the tool is used.

Biblical headship is not about superiority, it's not about power, it's not about control and manipulation, it's about sacrificial love.

Christ defines what headship looks like, and it always flows from the cross.

Let's go back to verse 23.

So even though Paul says the reason wives submit to their husbands, verse 23, is because the husband is the head of the wife.

But this as is very important.

As Christ is the head of the church, he is the savior of the body.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.

Let's stop there.

Notice Paul's angle.

Right after he tells the wife to submit to her husband because he's the head, he goes into the gospel.

He makes it clear, yes, you are to submit to him, but he is to reflect Jesus, you know, the Savior of the body, you know, the body, the church, you know, the church that he purchased with his own blood, who he laid his life down.

That's how you, husband, are to lead your wife and exercise headship in your home.

The same way Jesus exercised his headship to redeem the body, the church, which you are now a part of.

So let's talk about then worldly headship versus a gospel-shaped headship.

Because we need to call out these distortions that all of us have been influenced by.

I don't care what your testimony is.

Some of you grew up in some churches where maybe your understanding of marriage is more based on church tradition and not the Bible.

Many of you might be like me, you grew up in the world and you didn't even see many God-honoring marriages.

And so we are all coming to the Bible with presuppositions, and we need to be able to understand, no, what does the word of God teach us in contrast to what we have seen?

So let's look at worldly headship versus gospel-shaped headship.

Number one, worldly headship typically demands control.

Worldly headship demands control, but gospel headship lays down control for the sake of love.

So the world tells us, be served.

Get people under you to prop you up to accomplish all you want to accomplish.

But Christ says, serve and give your life.

Polar opposites.

Worldly headship uses authority to take from others for the gain of self, but gospel headship uses authority to give generously and to bless others.

Jesus didn't use his authority to crush the church, but to cleanse, nourish, and present her in beauty, according to our text this morning.

Worldly headship is self-centered.

Gospel headship is self-sacrificing.

Headship is never about getting your way.

It's about laying down your life to lead your family in God's way.

I wish churches were a little more serious on this topic, both for men and women.

If you did a historical survey, one of the probably highlights I took for my seminary education is the value of studying church history to see what have faithful saints have done for centuries, starting when uh Jesus ascended into the heaven and the original apostles died.

What has the church always believed and practiced?

You'll find in the 1600s, churches took male headship in the home very seriously.

The Westminster Directory for Family Worship, which was written in 1647, was a resource provided for members of primarily Reformed Presbyterian Church to help them have a guide on how they could lead their homes, to disciple their children, to catechize them and to lead and disciple their wives.

So it was written by the Westminster Assembly to guide daily spiritual life in the home.

And it specifically did a few things.

It called fathers to lead in these areas scripture reading, prayer, and catechizing their household.

And pastors were expected, it was just common knowledge that pastors would inquire into the practice of family worship with every man in their church to make sure that men were doing what they believed the Bible clearly called them to do, which is to disciple their wives and children.

When habitual neglect by a man came to the surface in a congregation, it often led to admonishment or even in some cases church discipline if these men did not repent.

Think about that.

When have you ever been a part of a church that practiced discipline for a husband refusing to disciple his wife and kids?

We have men who enter the pastorate who don't even disciple their wife and kids these days.

Throughout church history, men were held accountable for spiritually leading their homes.

The church did not treat passivity in some light manner.

It was seen as pastorally urgent and spiritually dangerous, because if the home, if all of our homes are little sea churches, so to speak, then a husband's neglect of discipling his household isn't a private issue.

It's a discipleship failure that affects the whole body.

And let me be gracious and charitable here.

If your testimony is, I've just never even been discipled.

I've never been taught how to lead a wife and disciple my kids.

I never saw a God honoring marriage.

Praise God.

I didn't have a father growing up.

But there comes a point, if you have been instructed, if you see what God's word says, and you still remain passive and sit on your hands, I would say you're in sin.

You're rebelling against God's design.

And churches took this very serious.

They would even pursue admonition and church discipline when necessary, not to smack men on the hands with a ruler, so to speak, but no, to lovingly pursue these men and say, brother, why are you not obeying the Lord and leading and loving your family in the way that he has instructed you?

Men, when you are passive in your marriage, when you abdicate your role as the head of your home, you do three things.

Number one, you sin against God by abandoning the role that he has sovereignly entrusted to you.

Point blank period.

It's almost like someone who becomes a Christian, and then they understand the Bible clearly says one of the first things Jesus puts on your to-do list is to be baptized into a church, and you just say, I don't, I don't, I'm not interested in getting baptized.

I know the Bible says that, I see it, I agree, that is what Jesus teaches, but I'm just, I don't want to get baptized.

It's like, okay, where it comes a point where you're you're just rebelling against God's clear, clearly revealed will.

You sin against God by abandoning the role He has entrusted to you.

But secondly, you leave your wife vulnerable.

You put her in a position to be tempted by the flesh and the enemy to grow discouraged, to grow resentful towards you, to grow bitter towards you, or to feel spiritually isolated.

Now, don't get me wrong, we're all responsible for our individual sins before the Lord.

But if you have a role as a husband of influence, well then you are using your influence to actually invite temptation into the heart of your wife by simply refusing to lead as God calls you to lead.

Third, you bring spiritual harm to yourself and your entire household.

Passive leadership, friends, is never neutral, it's destructive.

I'm not trying to hurt feelings or step on toes.

I'm just trying to be honest of what I see in the text and the damaging effects when husbands do not step up to be what God calls them to be.

There is always collateral damage.

You can't avoid it.

The husband's responsibility is to provide leadership, protection, and provision.

Leadership, protection, and provision.

When we do not fulfill our role, we invite temptation, pain, and discouragement, even if you don't intend to.

And you're rejecting God's design for the family.

It's almost like the father comes to you and says, This is what I have for you.

This is the gift.

Here's how you function in it.

And we say, No, thank you.

Why would we ever do that?

So, how does headship play out in the life of a home?

Here's my summary.

Next week we'll get into practicalities of what does it look like for a husband and father to lead in his home, to disciple his wife and children.

I want to take this 30,000-foot approach this morning and just focus on what is headship and how does it play out.

Here's my summary of what does it mean that a husband is the head of his house?

Because there's some misconceptions.

I think some Christians think, well, a husband's headship means he makes all the decisions.

That's what it means to be the head.

And I'll tell you right now, men, if you're running around yelling at your wife saying, I'm the head of the house, you're not the head of the house.

You're not.

I'm sorry to break it to you, you're not.

But being the head of the house doesn't mean you make all the decisions.

Doesn't mean your wife has to run everything through you.

For example, if I shared this last week, men, if you are horrible with finances and your wife has a finance degree or is just savvy, you're not removing yourself as the head by allowing her to manage the family's finances.

That's called being a good head, using leadership wisely in the gifts of your wife.

So headship is not just, well, I make money, I provide, so I make all the decisions.

No, that's that's dominance.

So what is headship?

How does it play out?

Here's my attempt to define this.

Headship is when the husband takes primary responsibility for setting the spiritual direction of the family and takes humble, prayerful initiative to pursue it with his wife's wisdom, support, and shared effort in carrying that vision out.

Let me just read that again.

Biblical headship, how it's fleshed out is the husband takes primary responsibility for setting the spiritual direction of the family and takes humble, prayerful initiative to pursue it with his wife's wisdom, support, and shared effort in carrying that vision out.

Does that make sense?

So the husband has primary responsibility to say, This is where I want to take my family.

I want our family to be a family that worships the Lord.

Here's how we're gonna accomplish that.

I want our kids to be discipled and educated this way.

Talk with your wife, leverage her wisdom, and set that vision for your family and take the initiative to implement it.

Now let me step on some toes.

Husbands, you're not being the head if you just simply cast vision and then leave everything to your wife to actually initiate and implement.

That is being passive as well.

But you take primary, as the husband, as the father, you take primary responsibility for setting the spiritual direction of the family and take humble, prayerful initiative to pursue it with your wife's wisdom, support, and shared effort in carrying that vision out.

That is what headship means.

Every man is called to do that.

Whether you agree or not, you are the head of your home.

That's just a fact.

The question is, are you striving to be the biblical head that Christ calls you to be?

Now, let me give a word of caution to the wives.

Y'all ain't excused this morning.

A word to the wise.

I just want to give two dangers that I often have seen wives fall into in this topic.

Specifically, if your husband, or if you know someone, ladies, who is married to a man who just seems to be content with not leading as God calls them to.

Maybe they're a passive husband and the wife has become the spiritual leader of the home.

I think there's two dangers when a husband is passive in his home and abdicates his role.

Number one, the wife faces the danger of passivity in her heart.

So a husband can be passive, but I believe a Christian wife can also be passive.

Some wives into the trap of silence.

They just, they're like that phrase, a yes man, they're a yes woman.

They just say yes to everything their husband says without truly helping him.

Whatever he says goes, kind of a thing.

Biblical submission, ladies, doesn't mean agreeing with sin or ignoring spiritual neglect.

It means being his helper.

It means using your gifts, your life experience, your wisdom to help your husband.

I praise God.

I am the man of God I am because of the wife the Lord has blessed me with.

I would have made many foolish decisions in my life if I did not just stop and say, you know what, what does Roe think about this?

Oh wow, that is a stupid idea.

We shouldn't do that, right?

And then I make the decision not to do the thing and I get credit as the head, but really I'm just listening to my wife.

But we are primarily accountable.

However, if if wise, if you're just a yes woman, where you just say yes to everything your husband brings up, you're not truly helping him.

You are a person.

God has uniquely gifted you and designed you.

You have wisdom, you have input you could provide to help him.

So, ladies, be women of truth.

If you have an opinion on something in love and grace, share it with your husband.

But now that's one end of it.

But also, women can be silent when their husband asks them to do something that is sinful.

They won't speak out.

Or there's situations where husbands are passive, they refuse to be the spiritual head, or maybe they're even demonstrating habitual patterns of sinful abuse in various ways, and they'll tell their wives, don't you tell anyone in the church, don't you reach out to a pastor?

Ladies, if you know anyone in that situation, they are actually sinning, potentially, a minimum, they're being unloving towards their husband.

If your husband is in a habitual pattern of sin, you have a biblical obligation for the sake of his soul to reach out for help.

To help that brother be held to accountability, to have men speak into his life, to disciple him.

But if you remain silent, then you actually endorse or allow the sinful behavior to continue.

So that's one danger I would caution us, ladies, from you ladies from the danger of passivity on your end.

But secondly, ladies face the danger of dominating your husbands in the home.

When a husband unfortunately is passive, some wives are tempted to take control and dominate the home.

But friends, reversing the roles never fixes the problem, it only deepens it.

This flips God's design up upside down and echoes the fall in Genesis 3 when Eve took the headship role and listened to Satan rather than letting her husband lead and protect.

Eve took leadership into her own in her own hands and listened to the serpent instead of God.

God calls every wife to trust him and to not take charge.

Now I'm not speaking of extreme cases of abuse, whether that's physical, sexual, emotional, and things like that.

That's a whole nother sermon.

I'm speaking in general of men who abdicate their role, they're passive in their leadership, and then the wife is tempted to just overtake the home, dominate the husband, she wears the pan, she leaves the family, and he just goes to work.

I've seen it as long as I've been in church leadership, that is one of the most common situations in my office for counseling, is the wife saying, I just wish my husband would step up and lead and disciple the kids.

He won't do it, so I have to.

And that is a very unfortunate place to be in.

Because it's not God's design, and the husband is primarily responsible.

But if you are that man, if you are that woman, you know someone who is that man who is that woman, the most loving thing they could do is repent.

Repent of refusing as a man to step into the role God has ordained for you.

Repent for refusing to receive the role as a wife God has given you, and ask for help.

Friends, there is nothing wrong when you ever sit in church or you're in a Bible study and you come under the conviction of the Spirit and you recognize I'm not living up to what God is calling me to be.

Your next step should be can I talk to a faithful brother or sister about this?

Who can help me, who can disciple me, who can model before me what this looks like?

That is maturity, brothers and sisters, to seek help for our sanctification.

But moving on, later in verse 32, Paul mentions that this picture of marriage he's highlighting is he uses the word a mystery in verse 32.

He says, This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.

When when Paul says this, uh Paul reveals that the mystery of marriage is from the very beginning, it has always meant to point to Christ and the church.

He's not saying, like, hey, what I'm describing is a mystery, you guys can't figure it out.

He's saying, no, no, no.

Adam and Eve, for example, didn't understand fully that their marriage was to reflect the gospel because Christ wasn't on the scene yet.

He's saying this mystery is now revealed.

We now know that marriage, our covenant of marriage as Christ followers, is a parable of a spiritual reality.

All of our marriages are to reflect uh Christ and his union with the church.

That is what he means by that.

Marriage is a living picture of the gospel.

Think about this.

When we are living on the new heaven and the new earth for all eternity, the only marriage that will exist then is us with our Savior, the groom.

Our marriages will not carry over into eternity because you no longer need the picture when you have the reality before your eyes.

So that should shape everyone in this room.

If you're a Christ follower, how you understand marriage should fundamentally Start with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So the world says, no, marriage is about keeping each other happy.

It's a contractual agreement.

It's about having babies.

No, no, no, no, no.

Marriage is primarily about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The gospel shapes our roles as husbands and wives.

It shapes how we love and serve one another.

And it shows the surrounding world the love of Christ.

We got to keep that in mind.

So, how can husbands make submission, a wife's submission to the husband, a delight and not a duty?

Well, I'll talk about that next week.

So come back.

But I will just say this.

I love this quote by Robert Murray McShane, where he just he's in this quote, he's talking primarily about pastoral ministry, but this applies to all of us.

He said, The greatest need of my people is my personal holiness.

Imagine if every head of a household agreed with that statement.

My wife and my kids and my community and my church's greatest need is my personal holiness.

If you get your vertical relationship right with the Lord, your intimacy with Christ friends, all your horizontal relationships will balance out.

Because your love for the Lord will naturally overflow into your relationship with your wife, your children, your church community, your community, your work, and on and on it goes.

Brothers, let me just give this exhortation.

Headship is never about power.

It's a sacred trust from the Lord.

It's not something we ever use for ourselves, but something we carry to reflect Jesus.

Think about headship.

What a privilege we have to show our wives and our children and our church and the unbelieving watching world the love that Christ shows his church.

We have the privilege role to lead, love, protect, and provide for our families in a way that shows everyone around us how Jesus loves and serves his people.

So why would we ever settle for anything less?

When God invites us into something this beautiful and this eternal, we have the privilege of stepping into it by his grace and for his glory.

This is why I always pound the gavel hard on this topic of authority.

Every man in this room, especially if you're married and you're a father, God has sovereignly entrusted you with a measure of authority and influence.

And you are to steward that authority and influence for the spiritual flourishing of everyone in your life.

And as you do that, according to God's design, you have the privilege of exalting the glory of Jesus Christ and how he wields his authority and headship for the good of his church.

That is profound, brothers.

You in your home literally reflect Jesus Christ in how you lead and serve your household.

Which also means if you ever abuse that authority and influence, you are lying about Jesus Christ.

You are demonstrating before your wife and your children the opposite of the heart of Christ, and that is a great offense.

Turn over to John chapter 13, if you will.

John 13 · chapter mention

John chapter 13.

John 13 · chapter mention

I want to end just looking at Jesus' example here.

John chapter 13.

John 13 · chapter mention

I'm going to read verses 1 through 17.

Many of you are familiar with this account.

Before the Passover festival, Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world to the Father.

Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

Now, when it was time for supper, the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas, Simon Iscariot's son, to betray him.

Jesus knew that the Father had given everything into his hands, that he had come from God, and that he was going back to God.

So he got up from supper, laid aside his outer clothing, took a towel, and tied it around himself.

Next he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, and to dry them with the towel tied around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who asked him, Lord, are you going to wash my feet?

Jesus answered him, What I am doing you don't realize now, but afterward you will understand.

You will never wash my feet, Peter said.

Jesus replied, If I don't wash you, you have no part with me.

Simon Peter said, Lord, not only my feet, but also my hands and my head.

The one who has bathed, Jesus told him, doesn't need to wash anything except his feet, but he is completely clean.

You are clean, but not all of you.

For he know he knew who would betray him.

This is why he said, Not all of you are clean.

When Jesus had washed their feet and put on his outer clothing, he re he reclined again and said to them, Do you know what I have done for you?

You call me teacher and lord, and you are speaking rightly, since that is what I am.

So if I, your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.

For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you.

Truly I tell you, a servant is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him.

If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.

Let me highlight a few things as to why I wanted us to read that.

Jesus, who is our example, men, Jesus had all authority.

He knew the Father had given everything into his hands.

He knew that he was the creator and sustainer of the entire universe, who existed before time, and yet he got down and washed some dirty feet.

Headship is never about status, it's about sacrificial service.

Jesus served served flawed, fearful, and even unbelieving men.

And he did it with love, not resentment.

These disciples, just shortly later, would all scatter and abandon him.

And he knew that.

And he bent down and washed their feet.

Many of them didn't even fully believe in him yet.

And he still bent down and washed their feet.

Gospel-shaped leadership doesn't wait for others to be worthy, it leads with grace.

Jesus didn't stop being the head when he wrapped that towel around him, did he?

Everyone in that room knew exactly who was in charge, didn't they?

Even though he stooped down and he's washing feet, they knew without a shadow of a doubt, Jesus is the leader, even as he serves in a lowly position.

The one who could have demanded everything, instead gave everything.

Friends, that's true headship.

Not lording authority over others, but using it to edify and build up others.

Jesus in verse 15 says, I have given you an example, you also should do just as I have done for you.

Men, this is our model.

This is what headship looks like.

It's strong, it's humble, and full of love.

We need to reject unbiblical views of masculinity of beat your chest, and I'm the man, I make the decisions.

Jesus was the manliest man to ever walk this earth, and his greatest display of his masculinity was hanging half naked on the cross for six hours to die for your sins.

This week I had the privilege to serve in jury duty, and I say privilege sarcastically.

I was in court from Tuesday through Friday, and the verdict ended up being guilty.

And I remember afterwards the judge uh took us into a room and he came in and addressed all of us, thanked us for our service, and took some questions.

And um, you know, observing him through the trial, I just had this thought, like, wow, this is this is a weighty position to be in.

Just listening to him during the sentencing, just try to take into account this man's story, what he has gone through, things that have shaped him, but then also weighing the evidence in the crime.

And one of the jurors asked him, like, how do you do it?

Like, how do you sit in judgment of people on a weekly basis?

And listening to the judge, it was just humbling.

He's like, it is weighty.

I try my best to be fair and just, and I think he was a very fair and just judge, but it just reminded me that man has tremendous power and influence to determine if a man's gonna spend years in prison or months, years on probation or none, if he has to pay a fine of restitution or not.

Friends, and he could abuse that authority and cause severe harm.

Every man in this room, especially if you're a husband and a father, you carry far more weight, influence, and authority than any judge on this planet.

Because your authority and influence is to reflect the judge of the entire universe.

Don't ever stoop for anything less than that.

Ask for the Lord's help to leverage every ounce of authority and influence you have for the spiritual flourishing of everyone who comes in contact with you.

Because as you do, you're in really good company because that's what Jesus did.

Amen.

Let's pray.